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Everything posted by Slayerofdragon

  1. I agree with Vince here. All things being equal, I think I would choose the online person. For several reasons here: 1) Like Vince said, you are already emotionally invested and I want to keep the connection I have with this person. 2) LDR/LDF (long distance friendships) can teach you many things about yourself and even the other person. For example, you can learn to be patience and understanding. You also learn to cherish the moments you have together too. In addition, being separated from each other, in some way can put the pressure off both of you. There is not necessarily a pressure to perform unlike in relationships where you actually meet the person. 3) Long distance relationships are difficult but I think if both of you survive and are willing to make it work it can be worth it. I would also want the online person to tell me she met someone in real life. Although, I also would be disappointed. I would want to know though. I would be happy for her and do my best to move on.
  2. Husband Material

    Well this question goes out to the ladies. Ladies: What type of personality do you want in a husband? Do you prefer the quiet, possibly shy, introvert type? The gregarious,extroverted type, or something different?
  3. I think long distance relationships are worth it. I think the quality of the relationship will depend on the maturity of the people involved. For example, responding to a person via email may take time and some people may not be patient on waiting. I think that's a characteristic of doing this type of relationship. Then, you also have the thought of distance. If she lives in another country that could be another obstacle to meeting each other but I think it is possible,
  4. No longer fun..... (?)

    I miss your thoughts, lol.
  5. Mental issues...

    Hi Liz, . Hmm...empath huh? I think I can relate with your description of in the sense where when I feel connected to someone I tend to want to fulfill their needs without thinking about how I am feeling sometimes. It is something I am working on: having the capability to generally acknowledge my feelings during the moment. Not sure if this is what you meant by empath. i have also had PTSD and depression too so I can relate. I think what has helped me with these issues (besides counseling) is finding someone I can trust and telling them my feelings. Or, I have joined a support group.
  6. Hey everyone, just wanted to ask a question: If you knew or even if you didn't know, that your child would be handicapped (physically, emotionally, or mentally), would that be a potential deal breaker in your marriage? Personally, I feel that having a handicapped child wouldn't be a deal breaker for me (I have a brother who has cerebral palsy), so I hope my wife would be understanding.
  7. Hey Liz, I am sorry to hear it :(. I don't have words on what you experienced. It is just sad and you have every right to not feel well. Thank you though for sharing your story with us and I do realize it must have been terribly embarrassing to do so. However, your story has helped me in some ways. Hang in there, :). -Chris
  8. I told my parents and my sister that I am waiting till marriage and they were supportive. True, it was awkward at first telling people you are waiting till marriage and a virgin, when it feels (at least to me) that the rest of world expects guys to have had sex already. For example, I was with a bunch of guy friends after a music jam session and one of the men looked me straight in my face and said, "hey you should go to the the Philippines and have sex with a bunch of beautiful women". He was from that country. I told him that I wanted to have sex with one woman, my wife. There was awkward silence following my remark lol. Yes sometimes you will feel pressured to have sex already, pressured to have children, or wonder if something is wrong with you because you are waiting till marriage. What I learned from that experience is waiting till marriage is a difficult decision but it is your decision and it is a good one. What helped me when I felt tempted to give up waiting till marriage is finding like-minded good friends who support your decision to wait and I found them on this site.
  9. The Positive Thread

    This picture helped me through graduate school.
  10. Hey Liz, Congratulations on meeting this guy and thank you for telling me your story. It makes me feel better not only that I am not alone in "is there someone for me" but it gives me hope that there is a person who I can also really have a great connection with. You are an inspiration! I hope the best for you. Thanks for your update. -Chris
  11. Hey Vince, I don't think what you are asking for is irrational at all. I do think it is normal to ask it. As a guy who is also 31, I know I often wonder the same thing. For me, ideally, I would like to be a woman who I can experience many firsts with and she is also my one and only and vice versa. Why? Well, maybe those feelings have to do with the fact that I am a hopeless romantic or I have read marriage stories where the wife and husband meet each other for the first time and it feels like it was destined from above or something. These are feelings that I am comfortable with given my own life experiences, belief, and value system. However, the reality that I have learned in my life is that everybody has baggage. You have baggage and I have baggage. It is not something that is always disgusting but it can be normal. When I meet the right person for me, we will work well together given our own experiences, and I think we will have only eyes for each other. Let me give you an example from my own life: when my parents were first married, I am sure they thought about the ideal for them: have and raise children, live comfortably in a home etc.. But, life does not always work well for anybody. They did struggle at times yet they are still together and are married happily. The secret of their marriage may be in part that they still love each other, but I also think they complement each other well. I guess what I am saying is that is good to have ideal, but I also think it is good to it have rooted in reality. I know sometimes I wonder when it will be my turn to go on a date with a good woman, get married, have children etc.. However, I realize that it may not be in God's timing. Maybe I am not meant to have all those things right now; instead maybe I am meant to work on my single life. I know it is hard when I see a couple on Valentine's Day or I see people who have been married for a long time and they appear happy. I know I want those experiences but sometimes, I think I need to sometimes trust in God. I will pray for you that you meet the ideal that is right for you and it may be what you need. -Chris
  12. "Romance scam" artists

    Thanks for letting us know Syzygy.
  13. Ann here from Philly

    Hey Ann, Congrats on graduating and welcome to the site :). You have come to a good place, :). I have never been to Philly, but I hear the Philly cheese steaks are the best!
  14. Hey, it's Mark...Just Checking In!

    Lol! You are funny. Hm, I guess I am still slaying dragons only this time they're going to be the graduate school ones. Thank you. Yes, I am older than you. When I turned 30, I had people call me an old man. Um, I am still young, lol. Ah, I see. Then the Controversial Topics section isn't new then lol. I thought it was put on the forums after you left. My memory escapes me for the moment. You're welcome. Ya, I will have to think of a good blog name.
  15. Hey, it's Mark...Just Checking In!

    Hey Mark, good to hear from you! Welcome back to the neighborhood :). I have been doing okay over here. I will be starting graduate school in the fall and I am nervous and scared at the same time, lol. Happy belated birthday to you Mark btw. I just turned 31 a couple of days ago. I am also still single, unmarried, and waiting but still glad to be part of this community. Since you left, as Matt has already mentioned, the site has slowed down quiet a bit. Although, as you may have noticed, there is a section up: the Controversial Topics ooh . I haven't posted much in the forums either (mostly logged in a couple times a week to look at new posts and delete spam too). I have looked at your blogs (particularly your word press one) and I must say, I am impressed. It looks well made. I also have thought about starting a blog but not sure what will be its content. Thanks for keeping in touch and good luck with college. I know how stressful but rewarding the college experience can be :).
  16. Problems Signing In

    I will PM you.
  17. I am also having problems with my account

    I will PM you.
  18. denominations

    Hm, I don't know what to make of the quote because I don't know the context of which it was written. Was it written to address a specific audience or a general topic? Why did Fr. Brady make the address? I don't have those answers. What I do know is this: Historically, Catholics were the first Christians and Sunday had a special place of honor within the early Christian community. For example, in the Acts of the Apostles (Act 20:7) we read: "On the first day of the week when we gathered to break bread". "Breaking bread" refers to the celebration of the Eucharist (see Matthew 26:26 and Mark 14:22). Furthermore, Jesus rose from the dead on a Sunday (John 20: 1-18) and appeared to his disciples that evening (John 20:19). and Paul ordered the Corinthians to gather their offertory collection on a Sunday (1 Corinthians 16:2) and this set the scriptural precedents Catholics follow today of gathering our offerings on Sunday during Mass. This is some scriptural evidence why Catholics observe Sunday. You don't trouble me with your questions. Thanks for asking them. Feel free to PM me with your questions. I am glad we can share and discuss these things too. I just hope my answers suffice. What church do you go to?
  19. denominations

    Yes, there is scriptural evidence for the belief that Jesus is present in the Eucharist. Here are some of the passages: 1) John 6 51:68 In Jegsy Scaar's Ask the Catholic Thread she explains this bible passage. The question given to her was Why do Catholics believe bread and wine is the literal body and blood of Christ? Here is her response: Great question! I reckon that's probably one of the most commonly asked questions about Catholicism, so I'm glad I can get it answered. Why do we believe it's really His body and blood? Because He said so. If you look at John 6, at about 6:51 is when Jesus tells the Jewish multitudes that the bread and wine is really His body and blood (It's pretty long, but I'll give you it all): "I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.” Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum. On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit[e] and life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.” From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”\ If you look at that passage, there is absolutely nothing there to suggest that Jesus is speaking symbolically. In fact, He doesn't just say, "This bread is my flesh", He emphasises it several times: "My flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them". Now some argue, "Well, in the New Testament, Jesus also says that He's a "door" and a "vine", and he's clearly speaking symbolically there, so why not when He calls the bread and wine His flesh and blood?" Well, there's a huge difference. When Jesus says, "I am the vine", there's no one in the crowd who misunderstands Him and says, "Oh, how can this man be a plant?" They get that He's talking symbolically. And if Jesus was talking symbolically, and the people misunderstood Him, then why does He not correct them? In John 4:32, Jesus says: “I have food to eat that you know nothing about,” which the disciples misunderstand to mean that He has literal food with Him, but He corrects them: “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." So if He corrects them there, then why would He not correct a misunderstanding about His body and blood? Clearly, there's no misunderstanding. With that in mind, there's really only two possibilities. Either, Jesus was talking symbolically. The Jews all took it literally, were horrified because what He said sounded so shocking, and refused to believe Him. Rather than correct an honest misunderstanding, Jesus instead allowed them to leave Him, even thought that meant they'd miss out on the message of Eternal Life, and go back to their families and friends and spread this misunderstanding to them. That all seems rather unlikely. The other option: Jesus was talking literally. The Jews took it exactly as they were supposed to, did not want to accept His teaching, and left Him. Jesus then tells the Twelve that if they don't want to accept what He's taught them, they can leave too. (Clearly, it's really important to Him that everyone believes Him about this) That's why we believe that it's Christ's literal body and blood. Because He told us so. To add here, throughout this passage, Jesus doesn't soften his stance or make no attempt to correct "misunderstandings". In John 6:60 we read that many disciples of Jesus left him because they believe it was a hard saying. If what Jesus said was a misunderstanding if he had erred in someway, you would think he would call his disciples back and correct it. Instead, Jesus would repeat himself (e.g., four times Jesus said they would have to "eat my flesh and drink my blood') in the passage. 2)1 Corinthians 10:16 The verse reads: "The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not a participation in the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not a participation in the body of Christ?" For a Catholic this means that when he receives Communion, he participates in the Body and Blood of Christ and not just see the bread and wine as symbols. 3) Matthew 26:26-28, Mark 14:22-24, Luke 22:17-20, and 1 Corinthians 11:23-25 In these passages, Catholics believe Jesus is saying that when you eat the bread and drink the cup, you are consuming his body and blood. For example, in Matthew 26:26-28 we read:"Take and eat, this is my body". Then he took the cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them saying, "Drink from it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which will be shed on behalf of many for the forgiveness of sins." Hope my post answers your question.
  20. denominations

    I go to a Catholic church. One reason why I go to this church is because I believe that Jesus is present in the Eucharist (to Catholics this is explained by the term Transubstantiation);although other Christian groups also believe that Jesus is present in the Eucharist (e.g., East Orthodox and Lutherans). In addition, I can go to any Catholic church in the world and feel that I am home. For example, when I went to church in Tokyo, Japan, I can follow the order of the mass (the format was the same back home) even though Japanese was the vernacular language spoken in that church. I think there are many churches because different groups hold differing opinions on things. For example, one group may believe in papal authority and another group may disagree.
  21. Would You Allow Your Wife To Groom You?

    I wouldn't mind it at all if my wife groomed me. As for grooming her, I would do it.
  22. Favorite flower?

    I like Roses.
  23. Random Thoughts

    Aw, that's really sad. My dog had cataracts and he was paraplegic towards the end of his life. That was hard to watch. I can relate with you a little, .
  24. Welcome to the forums, 4800 years. Is rape a type of sex, a type of assault, or both? Rape is not a type of sex. It is actually a form of sexual assault which usually includes penetration of the victim's body. It is often used as a legal definition to specifically include sexual penetration without consent. Other forms of sexual assault would be attempted rape, forcing a victim to perform sexual acts such as oral sex or penetrating the person's body, fondling or unwanted sexual touching. Here is a site that shows how each state legally defines rape and other forms of sexual assault. Link: Would it be right to say she's never had sex before since she didn't consent or participate? Experientially, she sees it as something totally different (like being in a fight vs. being abused, or skydiving vs. being pushed out of a plane). I think she is right in this case. In my opinion, she never had sex. What she experienced was rape. Would it be right to call her a virgin since she has never had consensual sex? Or would we be lying to ourselves? That would also depend on your definition of "virginity" since the definition of virgin has varied throughout history, religion, culture, and even today is defined in different ways by different people. If we look at the basic definition of virginity as someone who has not had sex before then one argument would be that being raped does not mean you have not lost your virginity. Rape is not sex, it is an act of violence where one person chooses to hurt the other;whereas sex is about choosing to be with another person; it is a positive experience where both parties freely and willingly consent to what is happening. Does this guy count as a sexual partner or add to her "n-count?" I am not sure what is a "n-count". No, I don't believe this guy counts as her sexual partner, but more like a sexual predator to me. If we get married, will we still have that same "specialness" of two virgins coming together for the first time? Hm, I think the answer depend on how someone defines virginity. For me, I would think your gf is still a virgin because she didn't willingly consent to sex. Does she still have just as much to give as a virgin? Yes! Who a person is is not 100% defined by her virginity or lack thereof. Human beings are multi-faceted creatures. That being said, I do think your gf would have much to give considering she has qualities (personal or otherwise). I think answering this question largely depends on how you view her rape situation and ultimately her virginity. How do I get over the idea of another guy having already "been there?" I feel nauseous when I think about it. I think you feeling nauseous is a good thing. It is a proper physiological response to a situation like this. It is also a time when you will be confused, anxious, and emotionally charged. I think your answer to this question would depend on your attitude. Personally, I would first recognize that your gf's rape wasn't her fault. Her rape wasn't caused by what she wore, where she was, or what she did. A rape happens when a man makes a decision to hurt a woman he thinks he can control. Rapes happen because of the rapist and not because of the victim. Secondly, the fact that your gf had the courage and talked to you about her rape experience is good news. It can be one of the most frightening experiences for a survivor to tell you what happened and she often wonders how you react. The fact that you accepted her and her feelings does help. Is this something I will always be worrying about, even into marriage? Or will I eventually be able accept and move past it? Well, rape has negatively impacted some marriages. However, I think you will be able to move forward as best you can. One thing that might help you is finding a support group since they will help you validate your feelings and meet others who share your experiences. You can also see a therapist who will offer an objective perspective on your unique situation Could this help us both grow in the long run by helping her to heal and helping me to focus on the heart and love unconditionally? Yes, this event can help your relationship with your gf grow. However, it will require patience, love, and time. Though, you sound like you are each other's best friend, which is good to hear. Hang in there! There will be some rough spots but I think you can have a deep loving relationship. Some resources that may help you: 1) Sexual Assault Service Providers Link: 2) Virginity and Rape Link: 3) A Man's Guide to Helping a Woman who has been raped Link: 4) What is Sexual Assault? Link: