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About Slayerofdragon

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    The One Who Slays Dragons
  • Birthday July 31

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    Basketball, guitar, chess, reading, oldies
  1. I want to die

    I am sorry to hear that you were cheated on by your only friend. Betrayal is something that really hits deep and is difficult to let go and just be yourself. How do I know this? I was also betrayed by someone I trusted. Sometimes after the betrayal it is hard for us to see straight, to look through the fog of our emotions because it is clouded by feelings and not 100% objectivity. Killing yourself won't change anything. It will stop your feelings permanently because you are dead but you will not be able to be present for your the other feelings (like happiness) or moments (like seeing a beautiful sunset). There are people here who have felt what you have felt, so you are not alone. Hang in there, it will get better. I am also available if you need to talk.
  2. Hey Vince, I don't think you are complaining about worst-case scenarios. I believe you are being realistic in your views and thank you for posting. These feelings of yours are some that I have definitely felt as I have become older as a waiter. I will be honest and say that I have many unmarried aunts and uncles and while I respect them for choosing to be single for whatever reason, it pains me that maybe I won't get married in the future. I think that maybe your feelings stem from the thought, "hey what what will I miss out on ." As you get older, I know I have felt my dating pool shrink. It seems that many woman are already taken or they are just not into you. The older male waiter seems to be a rarity among the males in our society. However, I do think there is a silver lining here. As you get older, I think you become more sure and stable in life (for the most part) than you were at your younger ages. i also think women sense it and gravitate toward it. From knowing you in the forums for many years, you have matured as a person (I think) and it shows. I don't know what the future is in store for you but I believe it is a bright one. Here is a story that may cheer your spirits: I was watching a tv show about a man who came back to his Christian faith and he had the same worries as you: when will I meet my wife. Anyway, he wanted to get married and this feeling was genetically ingrained in him. I mean, throughout his daily life, he would think about it constantly and complain to God about it. High school comes and he thinks he will have a girlfriend, Nope. No girls are interested in him. College comes and he joins this prayer group thinking he will met his future wife in that group. He found that his interaction and membership in the group increased his prayer and spiritual life. Long story short, he did find his wife but he was 35...35 years old. He also worried about having babies because let's face it, he is getting older. First time does not work, not even the second time, but through prayer him and his wife conceive and they have two twin daughters. I think the hardest part is to trust in God with your life (I find it difficult too), but I think if you let go and let God in control, you will have weight off of your shoulders. I will keep you in my prayers about your feelings in this post Chris
  3. Hi DHZ, I agree with seabutterfly. Therapy can help or talk with someone you trust about your problems. From own experience, being by yourself with your problems sometimes is not a good solution because we might amplify our feelings about issues and not see clearly. If we talk with somebody we trust and knows us he or she can helps find a solution to a problem or help us mirror our feelings and calm us down. In addition, doing something active or something we enjoy can sometimes help with our depressed and negative feelings because it provides an outlet for those emotions. Finally, our environment can have an influence on our feelings and emotions such as a group of friends.
  4. I agree with you redgrapes. I think finding a girlfriend is also based on timing. For some people, finding a gf may not happen immediately and you may need to find yourself in a different situation/environment for it to happen. On the other hand, not stressing yourself about it also important too. It will help you calm down by focusing on other things and who knows you may find a gf when you least expect it :).
  5. I am a graduate student at the moment and while I am not married yet, I also feel pursuing a relationship while in graduate school depends on the person. I also feel similar to you Bob about not wanting to pursue a relationship while in graduate school. The main reason why I feel this way is because I do not have time to really devote my energy to that relationship. However, I do feel that having relationships are important. For example, I think it is important to have a support group including circle of friends. I think what helped me wait while in graduate school is finding a group of friends who share similar values. As Gema, articulated well graduate school is a sacrifice but I also think it is well worth it if you enter your program for the right reasons. You change and grow as a person when you enter this period in your life and feel it will be a benefit to your future relationship with your wife.
  6. I also get where you are coming from. I do not think waiting till marriage is considered normal by society standards. I know I have felt similar as I become older and I still choose to wait till marriage because for me I feel sort of alone in my decision to wait and at my age it feels like people are getting married or already married. Like Vince, I have not been in romantic relationship with a woman yet and I sometimes feel the pressure of hooking up with a woman. However, I know that would go against my principles on sex and relationships. Hang in there Will. There are people like myself who understand a little bit of what you are going through and support you.
  7. Hi, recently joined

    Welcome to the site, :).
  8. I don't think you are screwed. Some women just don't feel comfortable giving a hug after first meeting someone. It takes time to get to know someone, be comfortable with her, before a hug happens. If you do meet this woman again, maybe talk with her and get to know her first before you decide to pursue things further. Being friends first is not always a bad thing. Just my two cents.

    Short story: I thought about waiting till marriage in late college years. Found this site about six years ago and since then haven't wavered from my decision. This site has helped solidify my choice to wait till marriage plus I found some good close friends on here who are waiters too. I feel blessed, :).
  10. Vince: I agree with your points especially the last paragraph. I think awkwardness with your spouse is a good thing since it brkngs both of you closer together. The video made some good points too.
  11. Hmm... I am not sure since every woman is different. In other words, there is no magical formula to attract a woman. Some like small talk and others not so much. I think it is important to just be you . If you don't like small talk that's fine. Myself, I don't like small talk so much. Why? It is because I want to get to the heart the conversation. Some woman may not find that attractive and it is up to you to be comfortable with that reaction and sometimes that takes time or some self-help.
  12. Nick Vujicic Inspirational marriage

    Thanks :).
  13. I am open to LDR too for some of the reasons that Vince posted. As a waiter, I find it challenging to find a woman who is waiting and possesses similar beliefs as myself in my local area thus I am open to the possibility of a LDR. Granted, there will be challenges for both persons but I feel that there will be challenges even for a couple who are not LD. I think what matters is how the couple work on the issues present in their own situation.
  14. I wouldn't mind marrying someone from a different ethnicity. Maybe that's because I come from a mixed family (Philippino, Japanese, German ethnicity here).
  15. I have a lot of family members from the Philipinnes and I can say the women make good spouses. My mom is a good example of it.