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About Lockwood9

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  1. To solve problems in your marriage—along with your other closest relationships—first begin by stating your positive reason why you want to solve a specific issue. For example, in Ron and Patty’s case, something like the following could be said: "Honey, I’d like to talk to you about the issue we have about chores. I don’t want to make you wrong. I just want to work out something that would be agreeable to both of us. I’d really like to avoid arguments and instead spend more time feeling intimate with each other. Would you be willing to talk about it so we could finally resolve this issue?" When you tell people the ultimate positive reason why you want to solve a problem with them, they’ll tend to be receptive to listening to you. After presenting your positive reason for talking to someone, don’t fall into the trap of presenting your side of the issue. Instead, begin by asking him or her "the amazing problem solving question." The power of this question is that it gently directs people to think in ways that are helpful for solving the issue at hand. In addition, by asking the person you’re dealing with to solve the problem, it prevents the two of you from bickering and establishes your sincerity in looking for a solution. The question is, "Considering my needs and desires with this issue, what do you propose might be a compromise that would work for both of us?" There are three possibilities of what someone will do when asked this question. First, they may present a solution that you find agreeable. If they do, tell them how great of an idea it is, write the solution down on paper and keep your end of the bargain. If he or she says they don’t have any ideas, or if their ideas are not acceptable to you, you can say, "Those are interesting suggestions you made. Would you be open to hearing some ideas I have that might work for both of us?" Since you let them go first, they’ll feel obliged now to listen to your suggestions. When proposing possible solutions, try to present at least a couple of specific ideas; that way they’ll see that you’re not dead set on a specific solution, and it will create a better atmosphere for compromise. If you or the person you’re talking with fall back into the blame game, ask the problem-solving question again. Keep steering yourself back toward exploring solutions that are acceptable to the both of you. You might ask your spouse, "What is most important to you about [the issue at hand], or what most bothers you about the problem?" The more you understand each other, the more likely you’ll be able to come up with agreements that truly work.
  2. I am also not sure what love is. I would tend to classify the feelings I have with a new partner as "love"; the butterflies in the stomach, thinking about someone all the time, wanting lots of physical contact, etc. But maybe that's just infatuation, not real love. So then that begs the question, what is real love? For me, when love has lasted in the longer term, it's because that infatuation was combined with a practical desire to be with a guy - because he was handsome, employed, took care of me and was nice to me, had similar interests and thoughts, and generally seemed compatible and a good catch. Being a good catch isn't sufficient by itself though; the infatuation part is still essential. Is that love, when someone seems like a good catch and you're also attracted to them and compatible? If you don't feel those butterflies for your bf now, you may never feel them, and I couldn't live without that attraction in a relationship. But equally, attraction isn't enough; if you can't build a life with him in a practical sense then you're wasting your time. I think both things have to be present for a relationship to work.
  3. The towel is a concern I would have, as one person said, what if it doesn't match their bathroom? I agree that edible favors are great. When is your wedding? If it's in the fall, as mine will be in October 2012, candy apples come in many varieties, it's hard not to love them though they're horrible for you, and they aren't expensive. Actuallly, candy apples work for anytime of year. Or what's cute-a little 'camping kit' with chocolate, marshmellows, and graham crackers to make s'mores, plus a packet of hot chocolate. My fiance and I are probably gooing to do a coffee mug with a packet of tea and/or coffee, and a bookmark-the kids will gets hotchocolate, a kid type mug, and either a bookmark or maybe a candy apple or one of those big round lollipops. It reflects who we are and our interests. We both love books and bookstores and coffee and tea and all that, plus it's something that can be personalized or represent the season your wedding is in, or have an inspirational saying on it, and it'll be used. Plus it's small and not too pricey. Barbie dolls are cute, and you can even get them bride ones, but again, edible for kids is especially appreciated.