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Everything posted by dulcexox

  1. I didn't start dating until after college & that was only because my friends & family literally started to freak-out about it. So, I went out with a guy to please them. I wasn't really interested. I'm a nerd & much happier with a book. He was nice & a gentleman. By then, I had a job & my own, so we went dutch on the bill. I think that the best way to get the sort of guy you want is to be the sort of woman that he wants. Most successful guys that I know want a successful woman so that they can be confident in the fact that she's not looking for a paycheck or a free meal. So, I advise my friends to make a list of what they are looking for in a man & to become the things on that list. If you want a successful guy become successful. You want a guy that can cook, learn how to cook, etc. People tend to meet people with similar interests because they frequent similar places. Sophie I don't know where you're at logistically, but I knew guys in high school that had money from their own computer programs. I'm talking about guys with stock options in the millions before they hit 18. So, maybe it's time to look at the local geeks. I was in computer club in high school, so I know what I'm talking about
  2. Tricky! It depends on the individual. I say that because I have had older male mentors tell me not to marry anyone who can't match my income bracket. Apparently, they've seen some women who have married guys that made considerably less, & the guys were really insecure about not being the "providers" in the home. I had a friend that had a hefty income & the house & everything that went with that. She had problems with men who were not secure enough to let her pay when she knew that they couldn't afford to. When they traveled, she footed their bill. She didn't want to stop living life her way to make them more comfortable, but she was more than happy to help them pay. Then again, I know a couple that have been married for over 20yrs & she makes more, & he's fine with that. She gets off later than him, so he cooks & takes care of what he can before she arrives. They have dinner when she gets home & they finish whatever needs to be done around the house together. They have one of the most beautiful relationships & their son turned-out great (polite, in grad-school, & engaged to a great girl). It boils down to his self-assurance & self-esteem. His income bracket isn't a concern. I'm in school so that I can pay my way & help a loved one, if necessary. My concern would be him being comfortable in his own skin no matter what he does or doesn't have, & irrespective of what I've got. That being said, a guy who earns more is always nice, but not necessary.
  3. Tim Gun isn't a virgin, but he's been celibate for over 29yrs. He's the fashion guru on Project Runway. He's also gay. I thought it might interest you since I know you were looking for someone who was waiting & gay. I don't know if "waiting" is how he would describe himself, but it's definitely something that he's been doing for the past 29yrs, & that counts! Lol. http://m.yahoo.com/w/news_america/tim-gunn-hasnt-had-sex-almost-30-years-175035031--abc-news.html?orig_host_hdr=news.yahoo.com&.intl=us&.lang=en-us
  4. Would you date/marry a shorter man?

    Absolutely love it.
  5. Would you date/marry a shorter man?

    I'm 5'2", so how much shorter are we talking? I'd really like a guy who could at least carry luggage. Although, if he was a great guy, I hope I would look past the fact that he was shorter than 5'2". Come to think of it, there was a guy I went to the movies with a couple of times, & he was shorter than me. He was funny, smart, & we're still cool. Honestly, if his personality is right, there's a lot of stuff I could overlook.
  6. I've been open to younger & older guys. I've been advised to marry a younger guy by most of the older people I know (male & female), & they've given some pretty valid reasons. So, my bracket is between ten years older (40) & ten years younger (20). I know guys that are mature in that age range, so that's my range.
  7. I would say, "Ask how benevolent I'm feeling after labor & delivery."
  8. Ok, to be perfectly honest, I had considered sleeping around. I don't like commitment. I don't like the idea of being stuck with one individual for the rest of my "natural-born life." Lol. So, my reasons for waiting are varied & complex. 1) I believe in God & that Hell is real. So, that's a pretty big factor for me, but considering that you're atheist, I'll give you the others. 2) I know that I'm not going to be able to separate my emotions from the act the 1st couple of times. I'm sure that I could eventually numb myself enough to make a pretty decent attempt at it & probably even excel at it, since I can be really cold & analytical. But, numbing oneself is never a good idea. 3) The number of people that I know who have caught something out there is enough to make me reach for a chastity belt, no joke. & it doesn't help that I'm in school & the hospital where that stuff becomes even more pronounced, more obvious & more statistical (those numbers don't make me horny, au contraire). 4) Let me tell you about me. I’m the girl who won't even commit to the same cell phone after an upgrade drops! If this ME commits to be with one guy, settle down & commit to marriage, I want it all. Not some “we're almost married.†Or “we don't need a piece of paper to define us.†NO! I want the fairy tale: the wedding with close fam & friends (hopefully no more than 50 peeps, preferably he won't wear a tux & I won't be in a dress that makes me look like frosting. Lol. No dis to those that want that. My friends want the frosted dress & the tux & an amphitheater, & I love them to death.), the fights, the rough times, the good times, & everything in-between...& I want a rock on my finger while we live together, ride together, fight together, etc. I'm a "ride or die" kinda chick, but not without a rock. The biggest commitment that I believe I can make is with my body. I know you're atheist, so this may not hold the same significance for you, but the Bible says that I'm supposed to present my body as a living sacrifice unto God. There's also the old wedding vow that a man would make to his future wife: "With my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow." So, when I get down with my husband (if I ever get married), I'll be sharing all that I am with him, giving him all that I have & vice versa. Literally! My bank account goes up & down, my clothes change, my address changes, car changes, but my body will always be my body. It's the one thing that will belong to me to freely give & commit to another until I die. So, he's gonna rock me up (not a huge diamond either, cuz that's not realistic in surgery. Preferably, just a gold band), we're gonna rock it out, & it’s going to be a rockin’ good time So, to answer your question, “Yeah, I’m 100% committed to staying down until I get that rock, then we’ll be gettin down"
  9. sex and waiting

    Okay, my rule of thumb is if it can give me an STD, keep it away from me. So, no to anal, vaginal, & oral. Incidences of head & neck cancers associated with HPV are increasing among men & women. Heads-up guys, you can contract HPV by going down on a girl & vice-versa for the ladies! So the same virus that's giving girls cervical cancer is probably causing head & neck cancers in dudes! FYI, there is no such thing as safe sex. As for the passionate kissing, I believe that the CDC found at least one incidence of HIV being contracted through kissing, so I would recommend a flashlight inspection of their dental work before taking a trip to France, just saying. Not to mention the other stuff that can be contracted from kissing: Herpes (occasionally), Mono, Hepatitis, etc. I tell my sexually active & "anything but penetration/vaginal" peeps, that if they're going to go there, they need to Lock It All Up. There are oral prophylactics if oral is what you're into. & when it comes to kissing, be careful who you lock lips with. Do your research on potential kissing buddies, contraception, & STDs...& pleeeease be safe!
  10. What Would you do?

    Honestly, I have no idea. I'm a crack shot though No, seriously, it would be in a guys best interest not to come home. My family is military, LAPD (aunt & uncle), gun-toting cowboys & cowgirls. I'm a girl, but I get 50/50 on target practice. It would just be in his best interest not to come home! Keep going, file for divorce & change his name. Just saying. Love is patient, Love is forgiving, & Love is kind. But, Love ain't my name! So, if he wants to cheat & what-not, he needs to marry love. No, seriously, all kidding aside. I honestly don't know. I have loved people who have wounded me deeply & vice-versa. They have forgiven me, & I have forgiven them. Am I capable of it? Yes. The question is will I be able to get back to a place of trust. It's not even about forgiveness, although, that is a start. I have forgiven people that I have never been able to trust again because they refuse to change. A marriage without trust is a shell of a marriage without a heart. If I we can't rebuild trust, it's over. & I can say from personal experience that it is very hard to rebuild trust after it's been broken, & this was in a relationship where sex wasn't a factor...So, I can't imagine what it would be like in a relationship where that was a factor. It's not something that I want to contemplate. This is really on of those "I'll cross that bridge if I have to, but God I pray I never have to" moments.
  11. Handicapped Children

    I wish you all the best in pursuing your dreams. Glad I could offer some encouragement. We all have those moments. Happy that you weathered the storm
  12. Love!!!

    Yeah, that happens. I've clicked with people, & we've turned-out to be friends for life. & there were other people I met, I just knew that there was something wrong with them...& latter on, it turned-out that there was something wrong. I don't know about love at first sight. But, I do believe in instant connections.
  13. Handicapped Children

    I agree that all kids are children of God & deserve love. Your entire statement sums up my feelings. Except the not being sure about having kids. I'm pretty sure I don't want them. My mom had 13 siblings & my dad had 8. So, I've had plenty of kids in my life. I'm good on the kid front. Lol. As for the true love thing. You don't have to find it. To hear the people that I know that are in true love tell it, Love found them. I'm talking about people just showing up when they weren't looking & had given up. So, if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. Enjoy being single. There is a certain freedom & beauty that comes with being unattached
  14. It's very looooong! But also very worth it! It's a great article, & I especially like the part that talks about reconnecting sex & emotions after marriage. That's true, I've seen that happen. Once you've made a disconnect like that, it's hard to get it back. For some people, it never really happens again. It's a sad situation.
  15. I know people who have gone both ways. I know people who have married people that have gone both ways. A lot of those marriages have not ended well. I'm not saying that there aren't some successful ones out there. I'm just saying that it looks a lot more complicated. I've known several couples. About 3/5, if not more of them have gone very badly. For me, it's not an opportunity that I would leap at. I'd rather not. It's nothing personal, but I've just seen too many of those types of situations crash & burn, & I'm not looking to be another victim in the wreckage.
  16. You're welcome. Be as girly & doll'd up as you want
  17. I'm waiting. So, markb4, you are not alone
  18. Ok, I have been around at least one guy that didn't know or chose not to abide by the "walk a girl to her car after dark & make sure that she's ok before you walk away." No, honestly. That dude let me walk to my car by myself. Got in his car & drove off before I even made it to my vehicle. Needless to say that whatever I might have felt for him withered & died right there in the street. I called one of my girlfriends, & we had a huge laugh because this guy was smooth talking & apparently smooth walking too! Lol. Really though, I'm 5'2" & my nickname as a kid was "Skinny bones!" I know that I personally would not want to be a guy because of the whole - you walk on the outside of the curb with a girl, be the guy & make sure she's ok, etc. So, I don't blame him on one level, but I definitely get a laugh every time I think about it
  19. Whose to say that you won't end-up with a guy in the same socioeconomic bracket & professional field? There's a reason doctors marry other doctors & nurses, & lawyers marry other lawyers & paralegals. It's because they spend a lot of time around them. The same way that kids who attend the same high school or the same college end-up dating. Odds are, a guy will probably ask you out from your field. So, you may not even have to worry about that
  20. God gives life period. He creates every soul. You're alive, you have a soul. He gave you life. The circumstances surrounding your conception don't change that you are a living, breathing soul...& every soul is priceless. Don't forget that Jesus died for every soul, including yours. Your soul is priceless. Back during slavery a black man was worth 3/5ths of a white man. Just because they treated them like they were animals & said that they were worth less didn't make it so. In Exodus 21:16 it says, "He who kidnaps a man, whether he sells him or he is found in his possession, shall surely be put to death." Just because people do something & say something, it doesn't make it so. It doesn't matter what people think, only what God knows. & God, knows you're human...So, everybody else can take a flying leap. No offense, but there are babies conceived in one night stands, angry-abusive relationships, created to hold on to a man, to get a paycheck from a man, etc. Your parents wanted you soo bad that they paid an insane amount of money to have you. IVF is no picnic: shots, surgery, the embarrassment of getting your little fellas into a cup while everybody is waiting outside, being poked, being prodded, being analyzed, laying out the most intimate details of your sexual past, etc. I don't know how I feel about IVF. To be perfectly honest, I don't want kids. But, anybody who went through all of that to get you, really wanted you. To them, your a prize (from the sound of it). Be flattered. A lot of kids were "opps" & "my bad" & "oh no, I can't be pregnant!" I'm almost certain that I wasn't planned. Sure they loved me, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't intentional. You think I care!?! I'm here now, & I ain't letting them send me back. Life is good, & I'm living it!
  21. Wolf Whistles

    1) Have you ever been wolf-whistled at before? Yes 2) What do you think of wolf whistles? It depends on what kind of day I'm having. Good day, I might smile. Bad day, he might get broke-off. I'm from the Chi. It's always a risky thing for a guy to do in that town. Do you like them and see it as complimentary? Depends on the day, & who's whistling. Do you hate them and see it as sexualizing women? I probably would see it as more sexualizing, if I didn't have a sister & friends who whistle at guys. Lol. Does it depend on who whistled, be it your boyfriend or a stranger? A boyfriend can whistle all day. It's fine. A stranger, not so cool. And if you hate them, what did/would you do about it? 1st, I keep walking. 2nd, If they say something to me, then they get let down easy. 3rd, If they follow me & become a nuisance, they get insulted. Honestly, I try to be nice, but some of these guys do not know how to walk away. I think it must be working with some of the girls that they hit-on. It's a little creepy. I've had dudes get out of their cars on the street, pull-up next to my car, block the road with their vehicles, approach me in dark parking lots at night, etc! Where are they learning these pick-up tactics!?! At Hostage Dating School!
  22. Actually, as guys get older, the quality of their sperm declines, so the incidence of babies with abnormalities increases. They may still be able to get a woman pregnant, but it's with sub-par sperm. This is true. But, you just keep doing you. You can have your cake & eat it too. You just may have to snatch it from the sexist misogynist holding it hostage. Lol. I wear "girly" stuff all the time. At first, it got me looked over by certain staff, but once they see you handling business & doing your job, a lot of that goes away...Or, they get more discreet about looking. As long as they don't touch me or say anything inappropriate I can handle it. I like dresses, heals, & pearls. I don't see why I can't do my job & look good too. Lol. I have addressed problems as a lady in my professional life. You don't have to release your inner "B" to get respect. You just have to own your stuff, know your job, & step-over your fear to address other people in a respectful manner. Sometimes, I say a prayer before I address a superior: a doctor, professor, etc. It can be a little nerve racking, but what I learned was that a little assertiveness goes a long way...&, A good reputation precedes an individual just as fast as a bad one. I addressed one doctor in front of his superior & co-workers about a problem that I had with the way that he was handling some course-work. I prayed first & tried to not disrespect him. I thought that He would gun me down in my clinicals. But, to the contrary, I'm on good terms with him & the doctors who were present when I addressed him. It doesn't always turn-out this way...But, it's hard to not respect someone who knows how to tell you the truth about your errors in a respectful, non-judgmental manner.
  23. dating and waiting

    Well, you know what I did the last time I was on a date, so I don't have to tell you. LOL! I'm of the "tell him on the first date" approach. I want to see their reaction, see if they're WTM, etc. Last date that I was on, we talked exes, religion, family, etc. I used to be more delicate. Now, I just cut the heart out of it & see what's in it, to determine whether or not I want to stick around. It's a little more cut-throat to some, but I got school, so time is key... &, I don't practice patience like I should...So, I might not be the best person to give advice on this subject. But, if it's consolation, no guy that I have ever told ran away.