Coffee Monster

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  1. People who are not wanting marriage are not people who waiters should date and invest their time and feelings into. Its counter productive to us and takes a toll on our hearts. Weather you are datting a non waitor or not you always need to make sure your goals are going the same dirrection. Protect your heart girl. he was just having fun. Youll find someone who actually wants to cheerish you. Dont give up.
  2. Virgin

    Lol there are virgins out there but i rarely meet them over 30. Its not really prerequisite information that comes up. I end up datting men that are fun to talk to and have similar interests. Having things in common and getting along are so much more important than his relationship history to me. The thing that I do find hard is that a lot of men already have children at my age. Thats a whole other ball game because he has huge family obligations aready and I dont. This has worked out for so many of my friends though so I think it all goes down to how compatable you are and how much you love eachother. Kudos to you if you are looking for another virgin and goodluck. I honestly dont care about it. Im just stoked when I meet someone sweet who likes the things I do because finding that 'best friend for life' is already so challenging.
  3. lol glad it worked out. There is really no right way to handle to topic becuase it all depends on the person, the time and the place. Its about you observing when is the best time to bring it up and being comfortable talking about your decision in a positive way. For me I find it usually comes up after two or three dates. By then we have felt eachother out and are interested and will start definning what we want out of the relationship. WTM is definitly part of the definning the relationship territory. Many times its come out of conversation naturally before then too. But really I learned not to worry so much about it. Before Im his girlfriend Its not even an issue. He is just someone Im trying to get to know.
  4. Dating a non waiter with a sex drive

    Non waiters dont usually feel 'inferior' to waiters. Ive found they usually feel bad for us becuase they think we are missing out. They often think its a really silly concept but really respect the dedication and self control that comes with it. As you get older, that your datting pool consists of more and more nonwaiters wheather they are christain or not. The important thing is not wheather he waited or not, its wheather or not he respects your bounderies. If he is patient and non pushy, then he is a good guy. Just take things slow to not put yourself in sittuations that he hasnt earned your trust in. There have been men Ive datted that ive felt reallty comfortable sleeping next to, and others that I wouldn't have done so with. As for him expressing that he will be wanting more--there is nothing wrong with this. He is being completly honest with you. when a man likes you and is used to to sexual intamacy and fun its a big sacrifice for him to wait with you while he dates you. Your choice to wait becomes his situation too while he is datting you and he hasnt really had a say in that decision. Appreciate this sacrifice. He could find another great girl that he can also have 'a mature relationship' with, but that he is willing to go without is a huge compliment to you. The thing to watch out for is that although he is saying he is okay with it now, later he may start asking questions about limitations. You should save yourself the time and heart ache and be clear in the begining when topics arrise. Some guys Ive datted were okay without the actual act of sexual intercourse because there are so many other acts partners can engage in. When they realized that it wasnt about the legalistics of virginity and about reserving the vulnerability and intamacy for marriage, it was just too difficult for them. The next thing to question in this situation is your self control. When you are the gatekeeper he is just waiting for an invitation. You are going to be tempted when sex is right there so willing, available, and inviting. lol Make sure you are really comfortable saying no, before you put youself in situations that will challenge your self control and his. He is only going to take things as far as you allow them when he cares about you. You can be assertive about about your comfort zones in a non emasculating way. Its perfectly natural for a man to desire a woman and when he makes a pass it will hurt his feelings when he is rejected. You can firmly assert youself without being mean or scolding. Remember, its a huge compliment when he wants you. Be flattered! Expect him to be dissapointed though! He will learn being with you where you are comfortable and will get the hang of your limitations. A man who loves a woman can be very patient and wants you to be happy. Just make sure he actually wants the same things you want in life. A man who is not looking for a wife is a total waste of time for a waiter. There is no purpose for either of you here.
  5. What do you have in your big a** purses?

    Make up, Medicine, A smaller bag (with headphones, ipod and charger, conectors, flash drive), sanitary items, glasses, sunglasses, wallet, check book,keys, phone, pen, small notebook, and sometimes a book or camera. My purse has supplies to get me through the whole work day. Sometimes I have candy and snacks in there too.
  6. What's your worst experience with sexism?

    I usually just roll with the punches and humor men who do these sort of patronizing things like explaining to me what a screwdriver is. There is actually good intentioned sexim. Sometimes they are just making sterotypical assumptions and genuinly trying to help. I cant remember a horridly degradding experience off the cuff. I know its happened but I think I live a happier life by shrugging things off and moveing right along. I can remember a particularly insulting sunday school lesson taught by a man about how nievete girls are and how we need to be careful of men who want to take advantage of us and the big bad world etc. On a related note, I think the church can be particulary destructive with some of their teachings on how women should view sex. This whole big bad wolf mentality of 'if he wants sex then he doesnt really care about you' suggestion is incomplete and missleading. Men are going to want sex. Its normal. How far things go is usually up to the woman. A good man is not going to get pushy. But advances are to be expected. Handle them with confidence and take ownership of your own body. You can say no as much as you want. If he is whiney or frustraited, it doesnt make him evil. Hormones make us all have impared judgement sometimes.
  7. waiting for a non-waiter?

    I think you are asking how I cope with waiting for marraige and the men I date being experince with sex already? Well since Im a month shy of being 30 most of the people in my age bracket are already sexualy experienced. Many are divorced or singled parents or just used to intimate relationships. This is really normal. My friends around me are all mostly sexually active whether they are married or not. Sex is normal. they are normal. I dont view sex or the lack of as any sort of defining characteristic. Being sexually active doesnt make a person a slut. It all depends on values. Many people dont have sex outside of commitied relationships, while other people are much more causual about it. There was a point in my life where I wondered if being with a man who was sexually active would make me feel jelouse or inadequite, but like many things, it just doesnt seem to matter when you care about someone. The last man I datted was very sweet and patient with me and he was also very confident. I felt like I was the only one he was thinking of. I wasnt worred about what he had done before. As long as Im okay the kind of person the man I am datting is and he treats me with respect, then all is well. I think that goes for all relationships regardless of the dynamic. There is really no loosing scenero here for me. If hes inexperienced then we can learn together. If he is experienced then he can teach and lead me--which would also be fun. Its all good if we love eachother. The only thing that would be a shame for him is that since he wouldnt be getting sex from me, he wouldnt be getting it at all if we were in a relationship. So I sympathise with him having to 'wait' while datting me when its not his preference. But when a man is patient with me, it only makes me respect him more.
  8. "Bitch" as a term of endearment

    Funny. I was just thinking about this. I have a friend who has started calling me "bitch" and although I thought I would have been offended, I really don't care. For her its actually more of a joke and being ironic or sarcastic because I am actually a very dotting and considerate friend. So she teases me. As for society as a whole using the word, I think its silly, but its simply another connotative and modern meaning. This is nothing new. "Cool" as something good instead of litterally cold. "Bad", "Sick", etc. When you look at this words being used as positive things its all really ridiculous. I would love to rewrite the english language and knock some since into everyone speaking but I learned things like these will always be. I should just shrug and worry about more important things. Ill speak the way I like and make people aware if I do not like the way they adress me. Then the world will keep turning and I will keep living a less worried life.
  9. Are you a virgin? How will you answer him?

    I really think asking point blank "are you a virgin" can be really tacky under the wrong circumstances. Sex can be a sensitive issue and if the guy brings it up too soon, he comes off as creepy or overly eager. If you are currious about a womans history the best thing you can do in the first few dates is keep the conversation casual where she feels comfortable. If she feels comfortable she will easily volunteer information. A good way to get her in that dirrection is to ask when her last relationship was. Asking a woman about her past conveys interest in her and is flattering. If at this point she doesnt volunteer enough information for you to get an idea you can try asking "how serious was it?" or something along those lines. She will likely then volunteer more information that may answer your question about her sexual background or lack thereof. I am in my late tweenties and have humorously enough had to have these conversations numerous times. They can be awkward but usually they are just fun and amusing to be now. Because I am an independent woman living on my own and in an older age bracket, it is just assumed that I have had lots of 'serious' relationships before. The reactions I get from men when they find our Ive never had sex are both amusing and flattering. "But your so attractive! How is that possible?!" hahaha. And even though I convey the information tactfully they always do end up asking point blank (usually out of shock) "youre a virgin?" but at this is in private and by then Im comfortable with them enough to talk about limits. (IE dont be a dofus and make her sex life public dinner talk. Someones sexlife is personal, so be mindful of the envirnment when discussing.)
  10. New Members-Girls Only

    Can I please get access to the girl forum too?
  11. Ugh another shy one :( female asking a guy out?

    im a chick but ill give you my two cents .. its always flattering when someone likes you so think of flirting as a great big compliment and just do it! No shame! too bad crushes make our brains shut down though!! haha but try not overthink possibility of rejection. thats really just a waste of energy in the end. if you do get turned down most guys will be very flattered and politely decline. So there is no need to wollow in fear over it... although it sounds like he may be a little interested already. If you are nervous you can gage his interest by talking to him and being friendly and if you are getting positives vibes see if you can score that number... or give him yours maybe say something like "Its fun talking with you. If you ever wanted my number, id give it to you!" You practically hand it to him. If he wants it he will ask. if he doesnt he may make a joke and not. This is less forward and less pressure on both. Whatever the case hes not going to shove you in front of a bus or be offender by your attention. heehee
  12. Were are you SINGLES :O

    If you want to meet potential dates, you would have to participate in actiivities where you can meet people and mingle. You coule happen upon someone anytime-- shopping, work, etc... Hiowever, if you are aiming for abstinant woman, I think church hosted events are the only likely place you might find one. There arnt really virgin related hobbies etc lol. Personally I just aim for decent human with stuff in common.
  13. Were are you SINGLES :O

    lol please dont...
  14. Question for the ladies

    I tottally give cute girls a look over. She worked hard to doll her self up and im admirring her wardrob choice, since of style, skill of make up and possibly cute shoes! i dont do it cause im jelly-- i do it because im inspired! They make me wanna doll up and be cute too!! i tottally fawn on my girl friends when i see them too. " so cute today! the flower in your hair complets your outfit!!!" now as far as s"sizing up" my friends and i do joke a lot on breast comparrison lol
  15. How would you react...