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Posts posted by AliceInRavenclaw

  1. John Morgan, no offense, and maybe you didn't mean to come off this way, but you sort of sound mean. Like, I know its the internet and hard to tell where people are coming from, so maybe you weren't trying to be, but there's really no need to be harsh. I said I wasn't going to have sex with him just to save the relationship.

    I just want to know about other people's doubts. A little kind reassurance that I'm doing the right thing by waiting.

    Plus, "chances are he will not want you at all" .... I guess that's the sort of person you are, you only want a virgin. That's fine for you. But I would marry someone even if they weren't a virgin, as long as they wait for me. And if someone didn't want me because I wasn't a virgin, that would be the end of me liking them or thinking they are a kind, accepting person.

    I don't know how far you've been, sexually; you don't have to tell me. Maybe you have been almost all the way there. But I will say that in my experience, and from what I've heard from other people, the farther you go, the more difficult it is to stop. The more you do, the more you want. I guess that's what I'm dealing with now, and so is my boyfriend. He is not a jerk, and he is special. I don't fault him for wanting to have sex. That doesn't mean I'm going to give in to him, but I also understand that it is a new and yes, difficult thing for him to wait.

    I'm sorry, but I don't need someone to tell me not to have sex with this one. I guess I just want other people's stories of doubt about their choice.

    And thanks, markb4!

  2. Right. Like I said, as far as this relationship goes, I know I'm not going to give in just to keep him. That would be a bad idea.

    I guess I'm not asking anything in particular. I just want someone to understand that I no longer know if waiting is a good idea...and I want someone to tell me why it is.

    I'm just lost, a little bit.

    I think I just wonder what would happen if I stopped waiting. Would I hate myself? Would I decide that sex with one person was enough and now I really do want to wait? Will I become someone different? I think the reason I am so in doubt of Waiting is because I'm afraid I will never, ever find anyone willing to Wait with me. OR, that I will decide I don't want to get married, and then what am I waiting for? And then I am terrified that if I do decide not to wait, I will lose my V and then all of a sudden meet someone who was also Waiting, and now they don't want me as much because I didn't Wait.

    The rest of you think these things too, right? There are other doubters?

  3. All right, I haven't been on this site for a long time. Life got crazy. (I don't know if anyone would even remember me, but it doesn't matter. I'm sure everyone who is here now is awesome!) And I've been back and forth as to whether I even ought to be on here anymore because I started thinking about giving up.

    Long story short, I'm 24 and in the first relationship of my life. I've dated before, and "done stuff" but just not that. (So maybe some people don't consider that still being a virgin -- but I do...)

    I am having so much trouble right now. He is not a Waiter, by any means, but he has been so sweet and patient. We've only been going out for about 4 months, but seeing as how he is in his early thirties and definitely not used to waiting, it is very difficult for him. I care about him a lot, and think if we were together longer, I might fall in love with him, but I'm not there yet.

    I told him right off the bat that I want to Wait, so it wasn't a surprise. And for awhile, he said he was really glad and thought it was a good thing for us to wait. But I could tell as time has gone on that it was becoming an issue, and he asks a lot if I'm sure I don't want to. Not really pressuring, just hoping, you know? He always says he wants me to want to do it, he doesn't want me to give in for any wrong reason. And I've told him that sometimes I'm not even sure I want to get married, but I at LEAST want to be in love, and I'm not yet. And he says he doesn't want to say he loves me just to try to get me to have sex (how lucky am I to have found someone like that?!)

    BUT... we were having a relationship talk the other night, and he said that he understands and respects my beliefs, but they aren't his, and he isn't sure what is right for him. I asked if he was saying that the only way we'd stay together is if I have sex with him, and he said No, that isn't it. He just isn't sure if he can really wait, I guess. Especially since who knows how long we would be waiting.

    I guess I'm just looking for support. I need the good reasons for waiting reiterated to me, because I honestly don't want to give in. I'm not ready, even if I would change my mind down the line.

    I am not religious, so the only reasons I wait are things like... precautionary measure against STDS, babies, etc; because I believe it is special and I don't want to waste it; I think it's dirty to be with too many people; and mostly because I want someone to love me so much that they don't need sex, it is just a bonus that we get to share because we love each other, but we are so in love with each other's hearts and minds that if we couldn't have sex we'd still be together. LOL! I realize that if I said that to any non-Waiter, they would think my expectations are ridiculously high, but I think you all will understand.

    I know I'm not going to give in and have sex just to save this relationship, but I just wonder sometimes if I'm missing out on being a sexual being. I feel like being someone who Waits makes me rare and if I give in I wouldn't have that anymore. It would just be mundane, common sex that doesn't mean as much.

    I'm really glad to have this website though. I hope I didn't ramble too much and someone, anyone, can understand my issues.

    Thanks. :)

  4. With me the discomfort comes and goes. Some days I don't think about it much, but other times I do cringe and feel very uncomfortable. I always think it's kind of funny that I like so many shows that talk about sex so casually, like Friends and... Sex and the City (I know... :P ). I just try to take it with a grain of salt. I don't approve of the lifestyle, but who am I to judge, and there's so much else that's fun about the shows that I don't focus on that aspect too much. I will say that I find the casual sex stuff a heckuvalot easier to hear about when it's in fiction. But trashy "reality" shows and people chatting about it in real life... can't stand it.

  5. Hey ThatGuy, thanks! I guess I fell off the face of the world [wide web] for awhile or something, I haven't been here in ages. I think you're right about that "other stuff." It seems like one of those things that snowballs, you know. The more you do the more you want to do. It's like that Rilo Kiley song: "Talking leads to touching, touching leads to sex... and then there is no mystery left." It takes a lot, and I'm not trying to toot my own horn, of self-control to refrain from going further. Which is part of the reason why I decided to change directions and avoid that "other stuff" now too. But anyway, I'm just rambling.

    What kinds of screenplays do you write/have you written?

  6. Welcome, welcome. Happy you're here! I haven't been here long myself, but it's swiftly becoming one of my favorite websites.

    You seem like an intelligent, interesting gentleman, I'm glad you found your way into our ranks. It makes me so very happy to come to this site and find guys around my age that are waiting, because as a 23 year old gal I don't seem to find very many in real life.

  7. Why we as humans find the need to cheapen every mystery, itemize every joy, and desensitize our capacity for exhilaration has always frustrated me. Our culture loves to amplify and fabricate; it loves to one-up life's attraction until there is nothing attractive left about it. It's a strange world.

    Wow. Welcome, Claire! I think that quote from you sums up exactly how I feel about the world, and about the sex issue, but I could never quite put it into words... So thanks.

    I'm 23, from Midwest USA, in love with fiction in all its forms and am also "happily agnostic," as you said. I'm curious about religion and I love learning about it, don't begrudge anyone theirs unless they use it as an excuse to hurt, but I guess I think that whatever the Divine "It" is, it's too much, too big, too complicated, for anyone to really have a full understanding.

    Oh, and I also was astonished and très, très pleased to find men here. I've known guys IRL who are virgins, but they're never the sort who are waiting on purpose, just waiting for an opportunity. :/ So, it is refreshing to surf my way to this site and remind myself that there's still hope. :)

    Hey, I'm curious, what kinds of things do you illustrate?

  8. Hey :)

    Yep, I definitely feel your pain. I just graduated from college and in the years that I was there I went from having a group of close friends who pretty much all happened to be virgins for one reason or another to seeing all but one lose their V-cards. Not all to meaningless sex, some of them got in pretty serious relationships, but still. And then my friend who is still a virgin says that she doesn't want to wait til marriage, just til she's in a decent relationship. It's a bummer.

    I hate people who call us prudes. That has become the go to insult.

    Did you see on that other thread where some people decided we should take back the word "prudes"? Pretty great idea, IMO. :D

  9. Hey! Welcome! I'm 23 and just got through with college, and believe me I definitely understand the pressure and frustration, too! :) But you can make it, just remember what's important to you...and if that changes, don't beat yourself up about it! As far as what's allowed... I've wavered on that a lot myself, and I'm busy redefining my own boundaries. So I definitely know what you mean about the grey area being frustrating. I guess if you do something and you don't feel comfortable with it, you just have to find the confidence in yourself to say "I don't want to do that anymore" which is not an easy thing, I know.

    Thankfully, we have this awesome online support group. :D

  10. Joan of Arcadia is a good one. Joan is with her boyfriend, and in love with him, for about a year and still decides she's not ready to have sex. I guess it doesn't ever say that she wants to wait till marriage, but it still has that kind of message.

    Also... I don't know that this really made me feel better about waiting, and in fact it pokes a bit of fun at the idea, but the couple does wait until they are married-- Robin Hood: Men in Tights. :D Such a funny movie.

    There's also a character in the movie Saved! that is insistent on waiting until she's married ("and I'll use force if necessary," she says, while blowing holes in a target on the gun range). But she's not a very good role model.

  11. Ah, one thing that has been majorly stressing me out... planning for college applications this fall. :( I thought I had it all figured out, but now I’m not even sure about where I want to go anymore. :unsure: There's just way too many options. I also have to take the ACT soon. Even though I've studied like mad for months, I'm sooooo nervous about it. My mom tells me not to worry, but I feel like it's a life or death thing.

    D00d, for real, don't stress about the ACT. If you've studied at all, you're going to be great! :D It's really not hard, at least I never thought it was, and I barely even bothered to study for it. Just the math part, because I stink at that, and I got an awesome score.

    And you know, the thing about picking a school is just remind yourself that you could always transfer. Do you know what you want to study?

  12. Awwright, I'm going to second Clark Kent from Smallville, most def.

    And I thought of two more crazy people for me to add to my list:

    Greg House, M.D. - I just love his sense of humor. And I think he's secretly very romantic, too. (And he's sexy, ok? :P)

    Chandler Bing from FRIENDS! - So funny, so adorable, so underappreciated!

  13. I have gotten into Pottermore! Well, I haven't gotten my letter yet, either, but I did get on in the 7 days. I was at a Harry Potter convention when the film was released, actually, and we got a special early release which was so cool! I haven't gotten to see it more than once, but I am going to try to go again this weekend!

    It's cool that you are moving on from your past. You're a role model for me! Really, you are. Although it's not the same situation, I'm trying to move on from things that happened to me when I was a little girl. The worst didn't happen, but some bad things did. For years, I thought I was the guilty one, but now I know I'm not. It's nice being free of that kind of prison. It's also nice being able to look forward to the future! At this stage in my life, I feel like I can finally breathe fresh air and it tastes awesome!

    A role model? Aw, shucks! *blush* B) Thanks, that's really nice to hear. I'm sad to hear that you've been through that kind of stuff, I think that is just horrid. But I'm so glad you feel like you're in a good place now! You know, I say all you can ever do is learn from your experiences, good and bad. I read once that everything you go through, you should try to grow from, and when bad things happen, the sorrow just carves out more space within you to fill with joy in the future. I don't know if that helps, but I always like to think of that when I feel down.

    I'm Catholic myself, but definitely have no problems with people of differing faith.

    That's awesome, I was actually raised in the Catholic church. Confirmed and all. I don't follow it now (still have plenty of Catholic guilt, though!), so I hadn't thought of this in awhile, but today I remembered that the patron saint I chose to be "named after" for Confirmation was St. Maria Goretti, the patron saint of chastity. She was 11 (or 12, depending on the account) and her neighbor tried to get her to give up her virtue to him, and when she wouldn't commit the sin he stabbed her to death... :( I remember choosing her because I always felt that my own purity was so important. I'm wearing white to my wedding, darn it!! :D

  14. Fun!

    Okay, mine would be (in no particular order)...

    Severus Snape from the Harry Potter series - Always. I always stood by him and knew he was on the good side, and I think I've loved him since book 3 came out! *sigh* Most tragic love story ever, him and Lily.

    Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice...and especially Mr. Darcy as played by Colin Firth in the TV miniseries, hahaha! :D I do love my brooding, dark, secretly-hopelessly-romantic men.

    Col. Brandon from Sense and Sensibility - Probably mostly because in the film he's played by Alan Rickman, but also because he's so patient and kind!

    Wolverine - The film version and the yellow spandex version, I don't know why...! :P He's brave, fights for what's right, has awesome hair. Why not?

    Bracken the Unicorn/Man from the Fablehaven series - Adorable. What lady's inner little girl wouldn't fall in love with a brave, smart, funny, kind, handsome, silvery-haired man who is actually a unicorn?! And a waiter attracted to other waiters, because of course unicorns are pure. I know it sounds weird if you haven't read those books, but... well, you should read them, they're fun!

    Jareth from Labyrinth - He used to terrify me when I was younger. But wow. That hair, that voice, his desperate love for Sarah. So romantic. Plus he has a really awesome castle. I'm just sayin', that Escher room would be so much fun to play in.

    Aragorn from Lord of the Rings - Need I say more?

    So that's all I can think of for now. Dark & brooding & over-the-top, apparently that's my type.

    I also had a crush on Remus Lupin, incidentally. And if I had to pick from Twilight I would totally say Jacob. So apparently I just like werewolves. :D

  15. who has sometimes felt that he was born at the wrong time, and I could never really understand the lackluster/nonchalant attitude society has regarding "dating" and sex.

    Absolutely know what you mean! I mean, there are a lot of things that would suck for me as a woman, if I had to go back in time, but as far as living in a time when it was considered normal to keep your hands to yourself, yes, please! Now the norm seems to be (for most at least, you know) that you are supposed to want to be Gropey McGroperson with every person of the opposite sex you lay eyes on. No thanks.

    It's great seeing guys in their later twenties that are still waiting. It makes me have that much more hope.

    Wholeheartedly agree.

  16. Hey all!

    I'm Alice, 23/F. I found this site today and I can't tell you how much it means to me to've found something like this! I found it after doing what lonely people do in this day and age, which is Googling things about which we can't talk to anyone in real life, and I think it was something like: "Are any guys willing to wait until marriage?" Can I just say how much I love the Internet sometimes, for bringing together people who think they're alone in how they feel? I love it.

    In college, I didn't always stay true to myself, and there were some things I didn't wait for, that I let myself get pressured into and talked myself into wanting. But it never led to any good consequences, and I consider myself very lucky to have gotten out of college with my V-card. I'm very "liberal" (I hate that term) and can be a bit on the nutty side, so it surprises people when I am so "conservative" on this issue. But I am a hopeless romantic, a major idealist, and also I have some trust issues, so I am happy to wait.

    Despite dating quite a bit, I have never had what I would call a relationship, nothing that lasted long enough to be one in my mind (which makes the things I didn't wait for that much worse :( ) so sometimes I wonder if I will change my mind and want to give it up once I am in a long-term one. This site helped me do a lot of thinking though, and it reinforced the thought that's always been in the back of my head, which is that I very much want to commit to waiting! I've put the things I regret behind me and I just focus on being better in the future.

    Beyond all that... I just finished getting my Bachelor's in theatre and I am moving in a few weeks to pursue an acting/directing career in theatre and film. I completely adore Harry Potter (bit of a fanatic...)! And also reading other things, writing (might like to contribute an article someday!), food, music, going new places, generally being a nerd...! I'm vegetarian (my other V-card, hahaha). Non-religious but sometimes spiritual. Aaaand I'm so happy to be here and to meet you all!