Arwen4CJ

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About Arwen4CJ

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  • Birthday 09/30/1982

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  1. Well, for me denomination doesn't matter so much as a person's personal theological beliefs. There are what I call nominal Christians in every denomination or non-denominational church, and there is often a wide variety of theological beliefs within a given denomination or congregation, regardless of what the actual denomination or church officially believes. On Essentials: So, I would want to know what the guy actually believed. Does he actually believe in the things in the creeds? What is his prayer life like? Who does he believe Jesus is? What does he believe about the Trinity? What does he believe the gospel message is? How does he live out his faith? How does he treat others? I would consider all of these things. Does he share his faith with anyone? And if so, how? How does he glorify God in his daily life? I'm going to include a few other things here -- that would make a big difference to me: What he thinks about the spiritual gifts: I am not a person who believes that the spiritual gifts have ceased. At the same time I am not a person who thinks that the main point of the Christian faith is to manifest spiritual gifts. I do believe that God equips people and that they are to be used for His glory. However, I am very much opposed to how some charismatic and hyper-charismatic churches view them and use them. For example, I have a problem with things like getting drunk in the Spirit, getting slain in the Spirit, making animal noises, gold dust, angel feathers, angel orbs, gems, gold teeth, oil oozing out of skin, a certain popular type of spiritual warfare that is being taught in many charismatic/Pentecostal churches, and in general I have a problem with the overemphasis on spiritual gifts, manifestations, supernatural experiences, signs, and wonders. There are certain Christian authors and speakers that I avoid because I consider them to be false teachers. So if a man was really into this stuff, then I wouldn't be able to marry him. What he thinks about the Word of Faith/prosperity doctrine: The teachings that say that God wants us to be healthy, wealthy, and prosperous, and that if we're not then we don't have enough faith, or we are sinning. I'm not into the teachings that say we have to name a verse in the Bible and then magically claim it over us with our words so that we can make it happen for us. I will not marry someone who is into this movement. I think it's false. What he thinks about the occult/gnosticsm, New Age etc: I understand the Bible to be very against these teachings and practices, so if a man claims to be Christian and yet engages in these things, I wouldn't be able to marry him. Then I would consider other theological matters. On Non-essentials: Now for the things that I list below, I consider them to be non-essential matters, but if a guy were to consider them essential, then I think that would prevent me from marrying him. I'm okay having differences on these things, but if he is unbending on them, it would cause a problem. So I could discuss these things, and would be open to having a difference of belief about, as long as he also respected my view as valid. People sometimes have very strong opinions on these matters, so depending on what his views were, I might or might not be able to marry an individual of differing beliefs: For instance, I am not a Calvinist, so if a man is a staunch Calvinist, then I don't think he and I would get along well. I would find it very difficult to marry someone who believed that Calvinism was the only true Christian belief, or someone who didn't believe in any type of free will or choices that we make, etc. I am also not a King James Version Only Christian, so if someone is a KJV Only Christian, especially if they believed that a person would go to hell if they read another Bible version, I wouldn't be able to marry that individual. I do believe that God is the Creator of the universe -- but I'm not so concerned at exactly how He did it. I believe that since He is all powerful, He could have created the universe in a matter of literal 24 hour days. At the same time, I am also open to the belief that the "days" in the creation account may not actually have been literal 24 hour days, but rather God's time. It doesn't matter to me exactly how long a "day" was; what matters to me is that God created the universe. I'm open to the idea of God using evolution here, so long as God is the One who was guiding the process, etc. For some people, my statements here would be deal breakers, which is fine. I'm not sure that I could be happy being married to a man who held to an extremely strict view of a literal 24 hour creation -- if he wasn't open to the other views here. Beliefs about the end of the world -- I don't have a set view of exactly how this will all pan out. The only thing that I do know is that things will get worse before they get better. There will be a lot of false teachers and deception leading up until then, and things will be bad in general morally, etc, just as Jesus and the NT talks about. I also know that Jesus is returning someday, and that there will be a final judgement. There will be a resurrection of the dead, etc. But I don't have a specific view about the tribulation, or the things in Revelation. I'm not about to say, "this is how it will happen." I believe that only God knows the day and the hour and exactly how this will all enfold. So I am open to ideas about the rapture, about there not being a rapture (I do not believe that the rapture is the same thing as the Second Coming -- I have no question that there is a Second coming), about there being a pre-trib rapture, about there being a mid-trib rapture, and about there being a post-trib rapture. If a guy has an unbending idea about what the end of the world will be like, such as it must be pre-trib, then I don't know he and I would get along. If his idea about the end times has become the gospel message for him, he and I would have a difficult time of it. Views on baptism -- I personally don't believe in baptismal regeneration, or the practice of infant baptism. These views might be an issue for some guys. I am open to other views, and after really discussing things with him, I would be willing to have an infant baptized, but I would not like it. Still, as long as he respects my personal beliefs here, and he is able to marry me knowing my views, then I think we could work this out. I also don't believe that someone has to be dunked in order for baptism to be valid. Views on communion -- I'm actually open to almost any view here. I've gone through periods of time where I've almost become convinced of one view or another. So I'm able to understand other views, and whatever view he has I'm probably open to, and have probably considered at one time or another. However, if he thinks that his wife must hold to a specific view, and he is unwilling to discuss it, it could cause problems. It would be his decision whether or not it were a deal breaker, because it wouldn't be on my end. The only exception here would be if he didn't want it ever, and didn't see any value in it whatsoever, or if he wanted to use something other than grape juice/wine. Style of worship -- I've been to services of various kinds, and as long as the gospel is being preached, I can genuinely worship anywhere. I tend to prefer contemporary type services, but I do like a little bit of traditional aspects -- such as lighting the advent candles and having Lenten services, etc. I tend to prefer the more quiet contemporary worship songs to the really loud and fast ones. However, I also like hymns and things. As long as people are reverent to God in a service, and things do not feel to stiff, I am good with almost anything. I don't "need" one style of worship over the other. I have preferences, but since worship isn't about me, and the main point is to worship God, then I should be able to worship in any worship setting. I'm flexible. However, he is not flexible (he either thinks that only hymn singing is genuine worship, or he thinks that only the Psalms should be sung in church, or he thinks that it is evil to use instruments in worship, or he thinks that a person has to raise their hands in worship, or if he thinks only contemporary worship songs are valid, or whatever) then he and I would have issues here. There are probably others, but those are the major ones that I can think of right now that may be a problem. In addition: I'd want to pray with him -- for our family, and I would want to study the Bible with him. I would want to talk about theological matters, and I would like him to be the spiritual leader. So I would want him to always be learning about these matters, and I would want us to have common ground. So if he and I are able to get through all that, and are agreed upon the essentials, can respect each other on non-essentials, then I can honestly say that I could marry him regardless of the denomination or church he attends. Now, different denominations would bring with them other non-essential issues, so the same non-essential rules would be applied. If we can respect each other's views as valid on those, then we'd be fine. I'd like to attend church with my husband, so he and I would have to be in agreement about what church to worship at and belong to. It may be a church in a denomination that one of us already attends. It may be a church that neither of us attend. We'd agree on criteria that we would look for in a church. Now, next question -- could I marry a Roman Catholic? Yes -- but there would be more specific issues here to look at. For example, I'm uncomfortable with praying to saints and Mary, so I wouldn't do these things, even if I attended a Catholic church with him. There would be some other things that I disagreed with. If he was okay with me disagreeing, then there wouldn't be a problem. There might be some doctrines that we'd have to have heavy discussions on. Again, if he was open to the discussion, and to hearing my views, then we might be able to work something out. If not, then a relationship probably wouldn't work.
  2. Thanks to all who have commented here. I just want to say that let us all prove to the world that we are not people who are slaves to what our culture says about us. For women, let us be good examples of women of character. Men, cherish things about women that are more than just looks. Let's fight against our culture together. We can make a difference I also want to say that I didn't post what I did because I was blaming the guys on here for how other guys act. Not in the least. Please don't feel that you need to apologize for their actions. I know that it isn't your fault, and that you are not the guilty ones. I know that the guys on this site respect women. I was just venting about what I have encountered -- not asking for an apology. I do know that there are nice guys out there, and that the guys here are respectable people. It's just that there are so few examples of nice single guys that I have encountered in real life. So I was just venting my anger at what our culture values, and how many guys think of women. I know it doesn't apply to all men, of which I am very thankful for. Justin, you are right -- I don't think that many people these days really think relationships through. Since our culture is all about being in the moment and having fun -- then sadly that is what dating has become. I really wish that we could go back to the days of courtship like 100+ years ago where "courting" was all about getting to know someone, and where people didn't "court" unless they saw the person as a potential marriage partner. Why can't more people do that? The questions you stated that lots of people think about are probably the ones that people ask the most. envincebal,I know that he wasn't treating me the way that a Christian man should. I responded to him back, questioning him why he sent a message like that to a woman, and I told him that if he wanted a respectable woman, he was going about it entirely wrong. He then told me that he didn't think that a woman would have responded to a simply message of, "I found your profile interesting, and I want to hang out." I got the impression that he sees himself as very unattractive, and that no one would be interested in a relationship. He thought that all he could get from women was sex. So although he shouldn't have sent me the message, and his attitude towards dating and such is all wrong, he is a victim of our culture just as much as I was in that situation. There are many guys out there who are like him. They have believed the lie that they are unworthy of a real relationship, and think that getting sex is the best they can hope for, or the most important thing in a relationship. It's our culture that I was mad at, and that was making me cry. If only we could change our culture in some small way. Thank you for bringing Matthew 7 up. I know well about false teachers, but I never really considered it on a Christian by Christian basis, but it does also apply to individual sheep. And yes, it does show how far our world has fallen, which is another reason that it brought me to tears. And I do know that whenever I do find a wonderful guy that I will know that the waiting was totally worth it -- like waiting at a restaurant for chocolate cake....or red raspberry ice cream -- hmmm...I shall have to tell that story on here sometime TheJayspyder,You are correct - -it is what our culture propagates. There needs to be a killing frost that gets rid of this bad fruit. To me true manhood will always be defined by character and how he treats others. I value honor and respect, even if our culture doesn't. We all need to just stand up and say that we will not let our culture define these things for us. We will live to a higher standard. Our culture needs a revolution in how we view relationships, how we view true men, and how we view true women. And Stacie, I completely agree with you. Thank you for saying what you did. I feel better now. It was just in the heat of the moment that I was feeling so upset.
  3. I'm seriously about to cry right now I hadn't checked messages on the dating site I'm on in a few days, and I just got this message from a guy who is a year older than me and lives in my town: I absolutely hate this This is one reason that I am tired of being single. I know that I have value from who I am in Christ. I know that. I'm just tired of being viewed as a sex object by men. Why can't an honorable man take interest in me? If I had a husband, then he could defend me against those who would drive by and call me a female dog (except they used the real term) out of their car window. (That happened to me a few weeks ago, and no I was not wearing slutty clothing. I was gardening, and had jeans on and an old t-shirt.) Last year an 80 year old man (he doesn't look 80), whom I had always thought was just a nice friendly guy, got me alone and started kissing me and told me he wanted to cheat on his wife for me. Thankfully I was able to get away from him. I'm so sick of this. Why do men think they can treat women like this? Why do even Christian men do this? It all makes me sick. Rationally, I know that there are social causes for it -- the way that sex is just put out there in the media and is devalued, and that so are women....but I think the problem is getting worse. I do want to be found attractive, but I want to be found attractive in a respectable way. I want a man to truly value me and pursue me -- not for a men to go after me just because they think I'm hot and they want to have sex with me. I'm not an object; I'm a person. I'm so tired of being treated like I'm a slut. The guy who messaged me claimed to be a Christian who was serious about his faith Where are all the honorable and respectable Christian men? I know that this is life, but I wish it didn't have to be this way. I'm upset and I'm venting.
  4. The Prodigal Son

    From the Christian standpoint, no one is actually "good"..everyone falls short, including the characters in the parable of the prodigal son. I think most people, whether they are Christian or not, whether they have heard the story before or not, think about how unfair it seems to the older son. We can all emphasize with him. We're all a little bit of both brothers, I think -- or maybe a better way of thinking about it is that we're all sometimes prodigals, and we're all sometimes the older brother. I think it's safe to say from the context of the story that the older brother resented his younger brother, and resented the fact that his father still loved his brother even after wandering away, and the fact that his father was celebrating the return. So I think that the older brother sinned here too in the attitude he held for his brother, and the grace that his father showed to his brother. We can all be like that -- resenting those who have always lived a selfish, sinful lifestyle, especially when they start to turn their life around. And when we are like that, then we are not seeing the person for who God created them to be. We are not loving them the way that God wants us to. We should be happy when a person begins to turn their life around, and turns it towards God. And although the people who really lived a lifestyle that most would consider "bad" or "apart from God," do receive a special understanding of God's grace and mercy, because they know how much they have been forgiven for, I would imagine that they still suffer consequences for their past behavior, and I'm sure that many of them do struggle with regrets. But since I don't believe that anyone is really good, then we all experience this a little. The story here is more about the Father's forgiveness, grace, and mercy than anything else -- and actually the Father in this story offers it to both of his sons. That's my view.
  5. Why DO we always dig the bad boys?

    I'm sorry....I misunderstood...It just seemed like you were suggesting that most women tend to go for the "bad guys." You wrote this earlier: So to me, the part I bolded -- it sounded like you were suggesting that most women preferred "bad guys" to "good guys." I'm sorry if I misunderstood your comment. I wasn't trying to put words in your mouth. I was trying to understand what you had written.
  6. Why DO we always dig the bad boys?

    When dealing with people, especially on the Internet, there are always going to be extremes, and it is the extremes that seem more memorable to people. Honestly, if you talked to the average woman who wants to get married, she probably will tell you she would prefer the "good guy" to the "bad one." Of course this will depend on what your sample is....maybe I'm just a weird woman who prefers men who are considered "good guys." But I know that I'm not alone. Another problem might be that some of these "good guys" are not attracted to the "good girls," but instead have their eyes on the "bad girls," finding "good girls" to be boring. I have seen this myself. But I personally would not be interested in a guy who found "bad girls" attractive. So....it is clear to me that there are some "good guys" who are only interested in "bad girls," and there are some "good girls" who are only interested in "bad guys." I am unconvinced that either is representative of the general population. It just might seem like it is to you because that's what you happen to be seeing.
  7. Why DO we always dig the bad boys?

    Then again, these women are not looking for true husbands. And with a subjective definition, it is hard to talk about, because it wold mean that we don't all mean the same things, which would make it difficult to have a discussion. By "bad boys," I assumed that what was meant was someone who broke the law, was on drugs, didn't respect women or their boundaries, didn't try to guard a woman's heart, and wanted to get physical with her before she was ready, or wanted to influence her in that direction....basically someone who is a bad influence in general. That kind of image is what comes to mind when I think about the "bad boy" concept. By "good boys," the image I think about is someone who is just an all around great person. Someone who is for the woman he is with, and won't try to push the boundaries, someone who treats his woman well, someone who helps out and is a great friend, and certainly would be future husband material. Someone who was a great influence on others. Now, I don't know, maybe some people don't view it like that. Maybe some people equate "bad boy" with being adventurous and fun, and equates "good boy" with being someone who doesn't like taking risks, and who is just nice but is nothing special, etc. But to me, those definitions aren't what I think, and if that is what is meant, then different titles should be used. Things like "Risk Taker" and "Non-risk Taker." That would be more descriptive. Just my thoughts here. So if we are talking about Risk Taking, then it is all on a continuum, rather than being one or the other. I don't think I would be attracted to someone one either extreme of the scale. I would tend to go for guys who were closer to the Non-risk Taker than Risk Taker, but I wouldn't want him not to be willing to take any kind of risks at all. A complete non-risk taker would be boring, yes, but they also probably would not be willing to take any risks for God, either -- such as sharing his faith with others, approaching people in social situations where he might be rejected, or just going for a walk for fear that something might happen, etc. So I do think that some risk is good, but not reckless risk. But, according to my definition of "good guys" and "bad guys," I would not find "good guys" boring in the least. Rather, I would find them interesting.
  8. Spirituality

    Thanks. Yes, anything that you are uncomfortable with telling me, you don't have. Anything that you are uncomfortable putting out in the open on this forum, you can PM me, as you did with the Revelation dream. The dream you posted on here seems to show that sin has spiritual consequences, which we already knew from the Bible The dream does present the message in a graphic way. I don't know whether or not that dream was from God, but it does show the dangers of sin. I do know people who have sensed something similar to what you have when they are around others. The question, then, is what to do with it. And there you would need to ask for the Holy Spirit's wisdom. If He is allowing you to sense things like that, then there is a purpose to it. Sometimes it might be to warn you of someone, or to get you to pray for someone, or to get you to confront someone in a loving way. Perhaps just a word from you like, "God loves you," or "You look nice today," or "I'm glad to see you today," could really make someone's day. Perhaps you and others could pray for an individual like that, and take the person to God. If you felt there was a demon present, and you felt that there should be an exorcism, that might be another reason to "sense," something like that. But prayer always is good I've never had a strong physical reaction to another person, but I know that some Christians do, and I do think that it can be a spiritual gift from God. That is a form of discernment. The discernment I experience is different...it's more about the content of what someone says, and whether or not it lines up with Scripture. Both these are forms of discernment that the Holy Spirit gives to people. So it is awesome that you have this gift.
  9. Spirituality

    I believe that God speaks in different ways. He doesn't need us to be totally silent in order for us to hear Him speak. For example, He can speak in situations, He can speak to us through the words and actions of others, He can speak to us when we are listening to a song, He can speak to us when we are deep in thought about something, He can speak to us while we are reading the Bible, etc. He can speak to us when we are praying, of course. Our minds do not need to shut off in order to hear Him. I should also point out that at least biblically speaking, there is a difference between mediation in the Bible and the emptying your mind kind of meditation. God gave us brains, and He speaks to us through them sometimes. When the Bible speaks of mediation, it seems to me to be encouraging us to think about God, to think about Scripture, to think about creation, to think about the things that He has done for us. It is active, not passive. I won't deny that there are Christians who do try to empty their minds or, still their minds -- but I'm not sure that it is a biblical practice. I know that Catholics are not the only ones who do it. It is popular in the form of contemplative prayer with many Christians -- some call it "soaking." I personally am uncomfortable with both of these practices, and I think there can be spiritual danger with both, especially the second one. People do it though, and there have been Christians in the past who have done this.
  10. Spirituality

    That is an amazing story. Thanks for sharing it. As for God not talking to you....my guess is that He has -- you just haven't been aware of it. I believe that since He is a personal God, and created each one of us, He speaks to people in different ways, unique to them. Most people don't hear an audible voice. Those are just my thoughts.
  11. Spirituality

    Okay -- let me know when you want to resume this discussion.
  12. Hello from a waiter in AZ!

    Welcome to the site
  13. Hello :-)

    Welcome to the site.
  14. Thank you for your response. Christian men should want a woman whose first love is God. That's what I thought, too. That's why I was so surprised that he gave that comment, especially considering his profile on the dating site. Sigh. Whether or not guys prefer women wearing makeup or not seems to be a personal preference. Some want women wearing a ton of it because they think that it makes women look nice, or they think it shows that women are making an effort for them, or whatever. Others are completely against it, finding it disgusting. And then there are guys who simply do not care one way or another whether or not a woman wears makeup. I've learned that there is a lot of variation even in the eyes of many Christian men. I was shocked when that guy sent me the message. It scared me into wondering whether or not most men preferred women like that. Sometimes it seems like this is the case. Other times I realize that it is otherwise -- that there are men who don't like it, or simply do not care about it. In my opinion, not wearing much of it shouldn't be a deal breaker, but to each their own..... I'm glad that you affirmed my understanding that not all men want a woman wearing heavy makeup. It is good to know that there are still men out there who actually care about the person, and not the outer appearance so much. It is relieving to hear that not all men want materialistic women. Deep down inside, I know that is true -- it's just that sometimes it feels like men are only attracted to superficial things, like makeup and fashion and just all around materialism. And you are right that I do not want a man who is after materialistic women. Yes, I do want a guy who will respect and love me for my modesty and who will think that I am beautiful when I'm not wearing makeup. If a man cannot find a woman attractive unless she is wearing a ton of makeup, then he likes a false person. I honestly have no problem with makeup in and of itself, but I do see it as a problem if the woman doesn't think she can look good without it, or if the man doesn't think that the girl looks good without it. Makeup is meant to enhance what is already there, not make the person beautiful, as though she is not pretty without it. I personally can take it or leave it. Sometimes I wear a little bit of it just because I feel like it. Most of the time I don't wear any. It's whatever I feel like doing. But I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who would think less of me because I choose not to wear it, or because I choose not to wear as much as he would like me to. Yes, I do want the right kind of guy -- it just does get discouraging sometimes.
  15. Asking for Some Support

    I'm sorry to hear that your sister is very sick, and that you are in a hard place right now. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope that your sister gets better soon, and that you find some peace with whatever you are facing right now in your life.