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About jaegerpants

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  1. This is kind of focused on the "three levels of sexual abstinence" pyramid ... Level 1 = no dating at all, Level 2 = holding hands & kissing only; Level 3 = "everything but sex". Maybe it should go as a comment there? Although the forum seems more active right now. Anyway - I'm pretty comfortable in "Level 2". My girlfriend (of 4 months now! woohoo!) is comfortable in "Level 3". We've talked about this, trying very hard to avoid any "you're wrong" language... but it's tough to find limits that leave both of us feeling happy and respected. (We're already a little past "Level 2" because she apparently felt horribly hurt & rejected when I wasn't instantly positive about the idea of staying the night to cuddle her in bed (pants on!). Giving in on that made her feel better, but I felt compromised - still do.) Any ideas on how to work this out? Or is it just that we're being foolish to "date outside our level"? http://waitingtillmarriage.org/the-3-le ... bstinence/
  2. Hiya.

    Career is definitely one... we've both worked hard for a long time to get where we are, it's tough to figure out how to make time for each other without feeling like we're sacrificing work time. Actually that's probably more "me" on that than "us". Kids is the other big one... I've always looked forward to having some, or at least to the possibility. She's decided that she doesn't, at this point, and she's old enough that waiting would probably mean "never". Still working out how to open up that conversation again... or even how to deal with it myself.
  3. You're definitely not. I found that there were certain times or moods when I was a lot more likely to head for the wrong sites... late at night, tired & feeling alone... bad combination. I'm still working on finding the right solution myself, but it seems like replacing the bad habit with a good one is the best move. For mine - it's when I clean my apartment. Totally unexciting, but it keeps my hands busy in a useful way For a while I had the cleanest bachelor apartment on the block...
  4. Hiya.

    New here, although I started reading the articles a few weeks ago. It's already been a big encouragement! 33, male, Tennessee, dating someone for just under 4 months now. It looks like this one might last... although there's enough "life issues" we're still discussing that I'm not 100% sure. Which is part of why I'm so intent on waiting still!
  5. Her limits, my limits

    Not sure how many humans are reading this, but I just kind of need to pour this out to someone so here goes... I've been dating this wonderful woman for nearly 4 months now. I've had no previous sexual relationship with a woman; she'd been in a long-term sexual relationship in her early 20s (nothing since - as far as I can gather). We're both committed to waiting until marriage (probably looking at next summer; I haven't proposed yet, but we've talked about it). What I'm comfortable with: Clothes-on touching/kissing only. What she's comfortable with: Pretty much anything except "real sex" (penetration). We've talked about this over and over again. And still, every time I pull back, or don't immediately "respond" (arousal) when she touches me, or hesitate to go further - she interprets that as rejection. Rejecting her, rejecting our relationship, I must find her unattractive, I must be repelled by the idea of touching her... whatever. It varies. I've tried multiple times to explain that I'm not rejecting her, I'm trying to save all this "new territory" for exploration with my future-wife. I am trying very hard to remember that "Level 3" on the "pyramid" is no more "right" or "wrong" than Level 2 or Level 1. I understand that it's frustrating for her to feel like there's all these other things that we could be doing to express our love and desire. I have tried to explain how weird/frustrating it is for ME, as a male, to be the one holding back and putting up the red flags when she whispers in my ear exactly what she'd like to do to me. She does it anyway, because SHE's perfectly comfortable with it and surely she just needs to keep bringing it up until "it" is "up" to a point where I'm not going to be able to hold back. We've already done considerably more than I'm comfortable with - I've given in way too much already. She says that she's okay with not doing certain things (oral) until marriage - but she's clearly hurt every time I back away from (for instance) masturbation. (Sorry if this is getting too graphic, I'm new here!) I love her deeply, but I'm getting tired of feeling like I'm going to have to choose - between sticking to my limits and keeping the relationship. It feels like I'm never going to convince her how much I want her (and I do!) without throwing my limits to the wind. Then again, if she "needs me" to compromise a key part of who I am... I'm not sure I want to stay in it anyway. Any tips on how I can deal with all this? Support from other guys who are "WTM"?