Not sure how many humans are reading this, but I just kind of need to pour this out to someone so here goes...
I've been dating this wonderful woman for nearly 4 months now. I've had no previous sexual relationship with a woman; she'd been in a long-term sexual relationship in her early 20s (nothing since - as far as I can gather). We're both committed to waiting until marriage (probably looking at next summer; I haven't proposed yet, but we've talked about it).
What I'm comfortable with: Clothes-on touching/kissing only.
What she's comfortable with: Pretty much anything except "real sex" (penetration).
We've talked about this over and over again. And still, every time I pull back, or don't immediately "respond" (arousal) when she touches me, or hesitate to go further - she interprets that as rejection. Rejecting her, rejecting our relationship, I must find her unattractive, I must be repelled by the idea of touching her... whatever. It varies. I've tried multiple times to explain that I'm not rejecting her, I'm trying to save all this "new territory" for exploration with my future-wife.
I am trying very hard to remember that "Level 3" on the "pyramid" is no more "right" or "wrong" than Level 2 or Level 1. I understand that it's frustrating for her to feel like there's all these other things that we could be doing to express our love and desire. I have tried to explain how weird/frustrating it is for ME, as a male, to be the one holding back and putting up the red flags when she whispers in my ear exactly what she'd like to do to me. She does it anyway, because SHE's perfectly comfortable with it and surely she just needs to keep bringing it up until "it" is "up" to a point where I'm not going to be able to hold back.
We've already done considerably more than I'm comfortable with - I've given in way too much already. She says that she's okay with not doing certain things (oral) until marriage - but she's clearly hurt every time I back away from (for instance) masturbation. (Sorry if this is getting too graphic, I'm new here!)
I love her deeply, but I'm getting tired of feeling like I'm going to have to choose - between sticking to my limits and keeping the relationship. It feels like I'm never going to convince her how much I want her (and I do!) without throwing my limits to the wind. Then again, if she "needs me" to compromise a key part of who I am... I'm not sure I want to stay in it anyway.
Any tips on how I can deal with all this? Support from other guys who are "WTM"?