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Everything posted by Queen

  1. How long for you is an ideal time to get married after you are engaged? How long would you like to be in relationship before getting married?
  2. I wanted to. I thought it was a great idea to save something special for someone special. No. The two are equal. It's all in the decision. I want to wait on everything. I also want to get married. I'd rather not have long term relationships that went nowhere. Absolutely. My celibacy has helped shape who I am today. It's a decision that says I am worth the wait. And people who agree with that tend to be respectful individuals. I am more lonely though, but I've made it this far. Yes, within reason. I'm older too and know what I want in a life partner. But sex is something that is hard to get off my mind, and I want to share this with my husband. Absolutely no. Love is love - there is nothing incompatible about that. Plus, I don't need much at all to be happy and satisfied in that way. I'm kind of lucky like that and hope my husband will think it is A-OK too.
  3. First Kiss

    I don't kiss on the first date ever. I'd rather have the title of "boyfriend" "girlfriend" before kissing which takes a considerable amount of time.
  4. Romantic interests change brain chemistry. They have done much research on brains of people in love - similar to the effects and addiction of cocaine. You can search Ted Talks if you want more information about that. Reminds me of this song by Rihanna: And I can't get enoughMust be love on the brainAnd it keeps cursing my nameNo matter what I doI'm no good without youAnd I can't get enoughMust be love on the brain Also, to answer the question about when to tell her you are a virgin - my answer is right away. Why not? Let her show you the power of acceptance. But I think the art of conversation needs to be honed first.
  5. When I was a kid, I was told that marrying (or dating) someone of different ethnicity was not biblical. Now that I am a grown a** woman, I think I would be completely missing out if I were to disregard a beautiful person (inside and out) because of their ethnicity. Forget that! It truly is the inside that counts and the ability to accept differences such as traditions, lifestyles, and families that come with differing ethnicities.
  6. I think having a long dating and engagement period is a wise approach for many - especially younger adults, getting through college, building careers, and the important growing years throughout one's 20s. On the other hand, when one knows themselves well enough (usually comes with age) to know what type of person is compatible and their values are solid and mutual, then I think dating for a year to a year and a half before marriage is acceptable. If having kids are on the horizon, then dating in older age affects how many years are with the grandchildren. And if a person is okay being in their 50's when their child is 5 or 10 yrs old. It all comes down to what a person wants.
  7. Looking to Meet Someone

    It's like a ghost town around here, but I know there are many WTM guys who would be interested. What kind of dancing are you into, Julia? I find dancing to be a great workout.
  8. Female Body Hair

    What do you think? Men, could you accept your woman in her natural state? Women, could you go without removing body hair? Why do you remove it?
  9. Engagement Ring Stone

    I am open on wedding ring stone. I like traditional diamond yet I am intrigued at nontraditional options as well (like a ruby!) I prefer gold (rather than white gold) for the metal. I also don't want anything too complex or big - keep it simple. And I hope he gets to have a nice ring as well!
  10. Your Dream Guy !!

    Loyal, trustworthy Good communicator Someone who will talk things out with me such as in when I am facing a decision (really important to me) Intelligent in a variety of ways: curious about the world, emotional intelligence Appreciates humor Respect is mutual Someone who actually cares about me and is willing to help me. I want him to say, "I am here". And I will appreciate him to the ends of the earth in return. (Because I know the opposite all too well. I'm independent and do things on my own.) Someone who will hold my hand and hug me everyday. Once in a relationship, I don't have to wonder if he loves me or hear him speak the words, because I will just know. Someone who will accept my daughter. She's never called anyone "dad". Have an unwavering belief in God Doesn't have a big ego
  11. New Facebook Group

    We've started a new facebook group. Come join us! Thanks, Geraldine, for the idea! Facebook.com/groups/WaitingUntilMarriage
  12. Please help... I feel so conflicted

    Sometimes our fate is written for us before we knew we could make a choice, such as sexual, mental, and physical abuse as a child and atheism forced upon you when you needed your faith or not having anyone to trust when you are young and vulnerable. Then as young adults, sexual promiscuity, pregnancy, unhealthy relationships are really a result of the circumstances and not knowing any better or any different. But the good news is that you are seeing the Truth - you are seeing that you are worth MORE in Christ. It takes time, but God will heal you - from your past, from the psychological traumas, and build your self-esteem back up. You will also see that you will need to work on your present life - to shape it in a way that encourages you to stay on the right path. And doing this for your children is also motivation! You can't change your past, but you can change your children's lives by changing yours.
  13. My faith is so integral to who I am, if I lost my faith I would lose hope in life itself let alone my conviction in waiting.
  14. Favorite thing about guys: They are quicker to share a laugh with me than women. Least favorite thing about guys: Some of them are dangerous; It is part of being a woman to know how to keep oneself safe. (Not the men on this site though, thank the heavens above).
  15. Great post, Slayer. I love that I can explore any topic I dream up. I enjoy hearing other people's perspectives. And I feel like I know personally the people that are here. I love that the common ground of everyone here is a based on a value system. That's a pretty cool thing to be united over.
  16. Long-distance relationship?

    I think long-distance dating has its challenges and often does not work out. However, I have a relative who is still married to her online sweetheart from across the country. First she moved to him, had two kids. Now they moved back to where she lives.
  17. I hope you will join us at the other site, Amber Elizabeth (https://savagenutritionist.wixsite.com/celibacy). It's not as good but it is something! And it can be as good as we build it to be. --- It was 2013 when I joined this site. When I first discovered this site, I had come up with the idea that I would like to WTM but I was a non-virgin at the time. I googled to see if this was a "thing". I found this site. I looked further to see if it was a virgin-only site and I saw in Mike's writings that it was not a virgin-only site but simply WTM. Yay! I was single at that time. I didn't know how "far" was too far in waiting. That is why I participated in the forums so much, because I was exploring where I stood on many different topics. Some of my views have evolved over time. Fast forward to now, I am single and celibate. It has been a good thing in that as it has helped shaped me in who I am today and I learned to stand firm in my values. I haven't had a boyfriend in ages and that's okay. It's easy to get a boyfriend. Much harder to have a boyfriend who is compatible and WTM. But that's okay because I realize it is worth it. And it is better for my daughter for me not to move forward with anyone unless they are stellar even if that ends up being no one. She really likes our family just the two of us, so I don't want to change that unless some miracle happens. And so far it hasn't happened. I think that is the deal about being a non-virgin single mom waiter. We are really outside of the norm but have committed to self-development. Today my commitment to celibacy is stronger than ever. I am thankful for this site and the friends I have met along the way. It has been very flattering to know that there are some virgins who have been interested in me over the years even as a non-virgin single mom. I think WTM is really the belief in hope. That there is something worth waiting for, and it is not just sex but a good and loving relationship. The hope that there is something better out there even if you can't see it in front of you.
  18. Well, I think this is a sad good-bye to this site. So many memories had by many. And thanks to Mike for allowing us all to meet and form friendships. Good news: I know how to build websites. Our new forum: https://savagenutritionist.wixsite.com/celibacy The reason it has a lame URL and is not perfect is because it is free and I just whipped this up. I'm still learning how it all works as well. Any administrators on this site will be granted the same there. This is not my site per se but more of a structure I created for all of us. If we can raise the money, we can give it a better URL. If we decide we don't like the new site, I can easily delete it with one click of a button. No problem. It admittedly has some pros and cons. Cheers!
  19. BigMat Thank for sharing your views. Wow! What I've learned from you is that love is free - it allows each spouse to be free to be imperfect yet also free to become the best version of themselves. As if love was the water to a plant - it helps it grow and become to its fullest potential. And with its new health, it can love in return bearing much fruit. That is such a beautiful kind of love. Your love for your bride is so deep, compassionate, rich, and pure that even if she is a virgin, she will be so blessed with that kind of love that it wasn't her virginity and perceived flawlessness but simply your gift of love. I had wondered if this existed. Love seems so conditional. Thank you for sharing that, however rare, it does exist. It exists in Christ, it exists in wonderful rare moments such as this. I agree that they should walk away if they cannot accept the potential relationship fully. Just because someone is a non-virgin doesn't mean she cannot love deeply. If a person cannot handle her as a whole person, then don't string her along and hurt her because you can't fully accept her for who she is. Let someone else love her better. The bible has so many beautiful things to say about love. It's the biggest message the bible has for us, yet so many people (even Christian) miss what love is and its forms (i.e. agape love). Reading the bible and learning about what love really is when I realized I was being abused, I realized that abuse cannot be love. It is the very absence of love. It was through that very experience of abuse and all the mistakes that went with it, that God showed me what love really is. Who God is and that he wouldn't want that for us even if it required divorce - which many religions damn. God set me free with his love - literally and figuratively. I am glad you saw my post before I edited it, almost like you were meant to share this message and I was meant to hear it - especially well timed as the site is about to go down. I edited the post because I had been revealing and vulnerable to my pain and experiences of my past. And on this site and in society, I have experienced such pain of being a non-virgin who has vowed to celibacy. Pain of nonacceptance. Pain of a broken heart. Pain that I cannot live up to the standards of others. But you have demonstrated to me what love is. Love with conditions is an attempt at love but not the fullest of love. The love of a man to a woman who has seen what it is for a male to be so absent of love for her that he hurts her and abuses her, is a love that is so deeply appreciated. It's like not appreciating safety until you are unsafe. Not appreciating sunlight until you have experienced endless rain. Not appreciating freedom until you have experienced imprisonment. My love, for example, is so loyal, deep, and infinite. I hope that one day, God will bless me with someone who is capable of reciprocating. What a blessing it is to read your post before this site goes down. I have never connected with 1 Corinthians 13 before as much as I have with your post. 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Corinthians 13: 1If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;a but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. 4Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8Prophecy and speaking in unknown languagesb and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless. 11When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.c All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 13Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
  20. To all, I would love to maintain friendships. Just send me a message and we will exchange social media info, etc.
  21. Recently I got to know someone who spoke my love language. I had never felt that kind of connection with someone before. Before it was if I always knew something was missing but never found it. Like if you only speak Spanish and had to learn everyone else's native tongue, but then you finally meet someone who speaks Spanish? And now everything comes easy. Now that I know it is possible, I realize how cool this trait would be to find in a potential relationship. My parents do not speak my particular love language which also makes a ton of sense and helps me in my understanding of them. It's not personal - they just operate in the world differently. What's your love language? Go to this link and click "Begin Singles Quiz". https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ Have you ever experienced a smoother relationship with someone because they "got" your love language? My top love language is quality time.
  22. According to organized religion, not waiting to have sex until marriage is a SIN and getting divorced is a SIN; with very, very few exceptions. Jesus, as far as our biblical records, hasn't addressed specifically the topic of waiting although he does mention loyalty to a spouse and not divorcing over frivolous reasons. But the bible doesn't even mention allowing divorce for abusive marriages, so people interpret the omission how they will. What we do know is that abusing a person isn't loving them. What the bible talks about and with frequency is love; love God, love thy neighbor, the fruits of the spirit, showing compassion to others, helping widows, and being a father to the fatherless. I know most people want to marry a virgin and that's completely acceptable. And in another sense, wouldn't marrying a single parent (child may be missing a father or mother) be showing charity, compassion, and love to another? Thus, being a noble and Christian thing to do? Or, another scenario, to marry a nonvirgin would be to look at them through Jesus' eyes, accepting them as they are, forgiving them, and loving them despite. I understand the other side as well in that a person's past behaviors could be a prediction for their future behaviors and would be unwise to marry someone like that. To conclude, are we really marrying virgins for entirely religious reasons..
  23. Let's talk about Jesus and waiting.

    Thank you, IAG, for asking me this question 4.5 years ago. I never did answer this question. I felt I didn't have the right to answer how I truly wished. But I will today. My answer has not changed. Not being celibate is the deal breaker, not whether they are a virgin or not. Do I want to marry a virgin? Yes, that is my preference. I know I am not entitled to it though. And if God sends me a wonderful human being who is not a virgin, ok then.
  24. Everything but Sexual Intercourse

    A guy should have this conversation with his date. If it is the first date, maybe in a more tactful way. But the gal needs to know where you stand so that she can compare it to her own standards to see if this is a deal breaker for her. I have actually been on a date who had the same standards as you. Since I want to save more for marriage than that, I was happy to know his point-of-view and that it did not match mine. I feel being open to all sexual activity except intercourse is not true celibacy - it's like saying "See? I waited!" when you didn't exactly.
  25. A preacher and an actress commit to celibacy until marriage. #Redemption