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About Viva

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  1. I refused to believe my rational side that marrying a nonvirgin would impact my life. For 7 years, his past was of no importance to me. It had nothing anyways. He told me he lost it because he was feeling miserable about being a virgin. His brother used to taunt him. But strangely, my then boyfriend started doing the same with his virgin best friend who went to study law. I didn't want to hurt him for which I didn't tell him that people in medicine, law and all other toughest STEM majors don't have time to care about their virginity. The average men on the street. Yeah, because we discussed the whole sex thing many many times, that practice thing didn't make sense to me. Also he kept telling me all week before it how the night was gonna be so special. This was my interpretation: "See, I had sex before and I will show you how to have it." That's like bringing the past women to bed on wedding night. Some things from my head: What's so special about our sex if he already had it with other women? What's so special about him? He is used. What if I meet those two women as his wife? Will they laugh at me? He looks like a senior citizen to me and this marriage is a retirement home. I am a dog with a bone thrown to me by those two women after they were done eating the meat out of it. I wish men would learn how to be a husband instead of sleeping around. They shouldn't be blaming women for initiating divorce. What's left for them if their right is given to other women? Eventually, the wives are forced to face the truth that they are housekeepers. I don't know about others, but in my eyes, men do lose value and attractiveness the more their number of sleeping partners go up. They are HPV risk anyways. It can be known only if the female partner ends up contracting. He gets over sensitive. I have been trying to discuss the matter just like adults. But for each line, I get fountain of tears from him. What I have been trying to tell him is that whatever happens between us should not include his past. He says he doesn't know how to do that. He keeps repeating that since he hurt me he doesn't deserve to live. He says if I don't answer his call on time he feels like committing suicide because he believes I am gone. I am having trouble explaining to him someone married doesn't do that. Unfortunately, there is no therapy that would help us. The services (work rarely) are structured to eliminate retroactive jealousy which isn't the problem between us.
  2. I can't understand why men believe that their sexual life wouldn't affect their wives. I am a female married to a non-waiter. We were together for 7 years before it. He did wait for me. I never had any problem with his past. But on wedding night, he proved he was not different from Tom, Dick and Harry. He wanted us to "practice" instead of actually doing it and oh, he wanted the thing to happen in our future apartment. That night continues to impact our lives. Many of the things that come in my head about him are extremely demeaning and I noticed men use them for women all the time. The strange thing is that those things are flowing naturally for which I can't even call myself judgmental. We did talk about the issue and he no more wanted to wait for the apartment. But the second and third time we tried turned out to be disappointing. It was very easy to see that there was no passion in what he was doing. He was "mechanical". I smelled his past in it also. Unfortunately, I find the idea of bringing "experience" to the bed offensive. I have no wish to see what he did with his previous 2 women. He again wanted me to speak about what happened. He now says what he heard from me makes him numb about sex. Media laments over women feeling ashamed about their sex lives. Here my husband says he is going through it so badly all day that he has lost his self confidence. Meanwhile, I keep feeling guilty for betraying myself by marrying him. I fear coming across the two women and feeling humiliated. I can't find any solution. My mental condition is deteriorating because I keep thinking how I am not his first and that I should have listened to my parents about the advantage of looking for men from law, medicine or other tough majors. Most of them are virgin because they know they will easily settle down. My husband has become clingier than ever. He keeps giving me suicide threats and cries like crazy. He keeps begging me to see him as a virgin, but I can't reject the truth. I wish the media and men would understand that not all women are okay with males randomly sleeping around. I wish they would not let unmarried people write about the joy of premarital sex. Mind goes through a huge change after marriage. We finally begin to see that sex is actually made for husband and wife. Anything done before it will always backfire somewhere in the future. There is no double standard. It is just that some women have lowered their standard.
  3. They are more vulnerable. The subreddit called red pills has some threads in which men were boasting about using divorced people just for sex. Another time I read a thread on a different forum in which single moms were talking about how it was difficult to find a relationship. Apparently, the men they were trying to date wanted only sex. As a healthcare person, I would say the rape trauma is same for both the married and unmarried.