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About Viva

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  1. I married a non waiter. Problem came from him. I learned that it is a myth when nonvirgins say doing it will make you learn about how to do it. Actually, I always knew it was bs. Let's remind ourselves that our ancestors went to marriage without knowing how to do it. My hubby simply showed me in action that the thing was complete myth. Yep, I was virgin, but I was the one to teach him how to do it by making him forget how to do it. It is all in passion. Our sex crazed people know the least about sex. When you let love take control you are actually not having sex. You are instead making love. This is gonna be a huge challenge in a marriage if you lose virginity before it.
  2. Everything but Sexual Intercourse

    I married that guy. All my ex's believed in that, but not all of them were virgin. I rejected all those who wanted that before marriage.
  3. In public: You know that whole, "Aww, it is hard to find a man like yours". He is completely different outside. He looks very sophisticated. I thought I won after waiting. He wanted to be treated like a virgin also. I listened to that. Bomb dropped on me when I saw his inability to understand the meaning of what we were supposed to do on the night of our wedding. He couldn't understand what "special" meant. He couldn't bond. It was this same old "seen this before, did this before". I now completely understand the true meaning of virginity. It goes beyond biology and it truly is about two people and not one. I also see how the term damaged good is not an insult. It is real!
  4. You sound far more mature than me from the past. I had countless opportunities, but at the last minute, I always said "No". You did the right thing. He would have left even if you were nonvirgin. The only difference is that he would have done that after receiving what he aimed for. However, we really need to understand that waiting is beneficial to the society. It is a practical choice.
  5. How many…?

    I had all stable relationships with no sex. One very short and two very long before I met my husband. My partings always seemed to have something to do with moving away to a diff state or country. But yeah, none of those men ever made me feel "high" in love like my husband. I never did drugs, but I think the weird sensation I got could pass as one. I felt like I was having a rebirth almost physically and floating every time I spoke to him. It all turned out to be mutual. He came only after I told myself I deserved the best. Things then weirdly started to unfold. I will still say the man who came before him still had a weird impact on me. Kinda hard to forget. But then again, I see this to be true only when the man is a virgin.
  6. That is a myth nonwaiting frauds in disguise of experts use to scare people to go for the shortcut aka, lose virginity in the wrong way. My husband fell for it and even yesterday was crying about how he was scammed some 13 years ago. You will not end up being alone, but you dont wanna be with the wrong person either. Can you PM me your date of birth? After traveling the world, I have come to conclusion that almost anyone can be our friends. That said, you probably like us look self sufficient for which people don't think you need help. Churches, mosque and synagogues won't talk about that because they have to build their Facebook friend list
  7. Depends on the kind of demands the kids have to bear. If you push them to education things will be different. Muslim, Jews and South Asian families in the west consider kids to be kids. Parents don't want them to do anything extra and it works. Most of those communities have a large number of kids going in STEM and making a lot of money. Virginity before marriage is no big deal. The west currently is very hypocrite when it comes to kids' lifestyle. Here in the US, I think all 50 states approve child marriage. I met many in CA. They usually stay quiet because of how the marriage is stigmatized. But strangely, our society tells us that as teens we are to do everything minus applying for the marriage license to get approved by our peers and sometimes families. Nobody cares about the heartbreak that follows. Apparently, teens have a higher rate of cheaters and from my observation, most number of short lived relationships. Poor love life breeds not only poor focus on education, but also least amount of thought about an organized future. Thrown out of the house at age 18 really seals the deal. That is the age when brain is still growing. But our "adults" believe by separating the kids at that age they are teaching them to be responsible. Modern life is not easy especially if you consider marketing and how everything is so expensive. Btw, I did specialize in marketing. We have been taught today's and yesterday's western lifestyles have a huge diff. People used to be once happy with whatever they had. It was the tobacco companies which found this as an obstacle to selling cigarettes and thus, brought out a never before seen lifestyle in which a human has to DESIRE and DESIRE. It entered our every area. People are taught they need to live in the moment or they are losers. The formula of our sexual liberation is not new. But you really will end up with a horrible result if you send an 18 year old to face the outside world alone. A great prey to evil marketers!
  8. Sorry for being late. Why didn't these people see counselors when they were feeling all depressed for being lonely? I sent a request also. I guess they are not here at the moment. But its okay. We finally took care of the thing.I had a miscarriage. It made me angrier. I literally took up a lot of pain for someone who tossed away peace from our marriage just because he was feeling lonely back in the days. Now I am wondering whether to ever get pregnant again. It has to do with first time. Apparently, how we lose virginity decides our future sex life. This one is important. Thanks for link. Being a nonvirgin means work harder in the marriage My problem is that I am overly rational. Haven't gone for counselling yet.
  9. Humorous: Why you should wait!

    I was not waiting. I just needed a certified surgeon to operate on me.
  10. Yeah, I am still a virgin because he doesn't get how to do that with me. When I said orthodox i meant his own made up religion. He also tried twisting the meaning of virginity. Was their history similar to mine? I'll request for the transfer. Thanks for the recommendations. That fully describes our problem. We had lots of talks about intimacy over the years. Actually, he was the one who started the talk about special night some weeks before our marriage. I was completely prepared. He poured water over it by saying that he wanted to first "practice" with me and do the actual deed after we get our own place. But as we know, I didn't marry him to enjoy what he did with other women. Otherwise, i would have married some polygamous person. He seems to be suffering from the same thing seen in other nonvirgins. Every time I want to talk about the "concept of special" he switches to, "everything between us is special". I can't then continue. I am now basically giving him hints. Do you have any tips on that? I did tell him to do what you suggested above. Apparently, he doesn't know how to do it. He tried extending the foreplay, but it only left me feeling guilty instead of aroused. It seemed like I was forcing him and the sex was just all about me. It is me making love to myself and functional sex between him and me. That's an addon to the problem. But I would say I am not ready to accept his baggage. Thank you for the link. I'll check it. It seems he has problem with the term if I use it for us, but recently, he concluded that the act before the marriage is the "ultimate sin". He has never been religious and often showed disinterest in religions. This is the first time in years I am hearing words like purity and sin from his mouth. Rushing is the biggest culprit in this situation.
  11. You are right, but I never understood why it is like this for them. Oh, actually, I have been always clear with him that it wasn't about him, but how to make love to a virgin. Things have to be taken slowly. He still doesn't get that....even demo I forwarded to him didn't work!!!! But of course, that won't change the rate of our persistence It would have never happened. His behavior on wedding night changed everything. I am still trying to work with him on the issue. But so far what I have been seeing is that he doesn't know the definition of "special". I just wanted him to study. I never bought the idea of experience simply because as we know, the history shows plenty of people lived without it and still had strong marriage. I think my request for him is quite tiny. That said, your comment is interesting especially when we take the society into consideration. Why sexual experience is a must, but not the experience of a husband? Things fully don't change after the marriage anyways. Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, things seem to be heading that direction. Bad!!! I am fighting it. lol, I am still a virgin We had lots of conversation about sex before the marriage. But something bizarre is happening. He doesn't open up directly like before. It seems as if he is literally going "orthodox christian" without calling himself religious. Not sure if he is still agnostic. Surprisingly, he told me not to use the word "sex" in our case because he believes it is demeaning I will try that out. Thanks.
  12. Why do guys do this?...

    In the beginning of our relationship, something like that happened. I was brokenhearted when I caught his eyes. We solved it quite quick though. Never it happened again. In your case also, I believe they did it to make sure their girlfriends didn't catch them looking at you.
  13. It is the current norm fueled by the Bush era economic crisis. So don't worry. The phenomenon is now global. I would still say that it has always been common in California for adult children. My husband is in his 30's. Before we married, I convinced him to stay with his parents while I was doing my masters 2 hours away. It helped him greatly. He paid off all his student loans, bought a house and gained his dream skill of repairing cars in their yard. He couldn't have done it in an apartment. He hates to live with his parents though. It is quite unlikely that a woman would reject you for your choice of home. What I am used to seeing now is that plenty of girlfriends are warming up to the idea of living in their boyfriends' parental home.
  14. Yes, that was the exact thing I had in mind. I truly believed our wedding was blessed because once I told him that if God wanted we would be wife and husband. I said that randomly despite both of us agreeing that we would be together forever. Just like you, I am thinking that those are satanic whispers. But I keep going back to that when I see that my husband saying he hurt me and then asking me what to do. I am kind of used to seeing my father coming up with his own ideas to eliminate any issues between him and my late mom especially when he was at fault. So I get very sad to see my husband being clueless. It feels as if I am the only one running the marriage. I agree. But I could have chosen someone else also right? All three relationships of mine ended because ex's had to move out to another country or state. It was all stable, but I didn't still do it with them. There is exclusivity in all relationships. What's the value of sex between a husband and wife if it is already shared with other people? I have trouble buying the logic about premarital sex. If it is to be done by thinking that it does not deserve to be made exclusive why not have it with parents, siblings, uncles, aunts or other relatives? What he did on wedding night resembles how cheating husbands avoid getting intimate with their wives. Oh no, he is 11 months older than me. I am just explaining the life of a nonvirgin. They give away all the things they should be saving for their marriage. It doesn't make sense that then they want to settle down. I mean to me it looks like them choosing to be senior citizens. The spouses for them are simply nurses and housekeepers. They work on retroactive jealousy. I have nothing to think about his past. I do get very sad when I realize people don't forget their first experience which unfortunately is not me in his case. I believe he can easily solve the problem. He is treating me like his nonvirgin ex's. You know there are rules on how to have it with a virgin? It is clear to me he didn't study that. That's a huge turn off.