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Everything posted by Lovelyish

  1. I have a question for the successful waiters! I will be one of you in a mere 3 months! This might be more of an issue for women, but did you have trouble changing the mindset from "NO" to "YES" after the wedding. I've heard that this can be an issue for women who grew up in very conservative religious groups. Going from hands off to all hands on deck, and the like. Was it an adjustment? Did you ever feel dirty or shameful from having waiting a long time? Thanks!
  2. I am literally double your age, and just married the man of my dreams 3 weeks ago. Don't give up. It's worth it for YOU and your standards.
  3. Jerusalem has walls around it, still, to this day.
  4. My number one and final recommendation is counseling. Both both of you. Honestly, forgiveness, and finding some common ground. This marriage is doomed if you don't do it soon.
  5. You are still a virgin? He's "literally going 'orthodox christian'" mean Eastern Orthodox? Orthodox in the sense of mainstream? What do you mean?
  6. Vegan Style and beautiful women

    I'm happily munching away on chicken as I read this post. Eat what you want, but clearly it's not "holier" to be a vegan, since Jesus ate meat.
  7. No I would not. Too much psychologically against you from the start.
  8. Does she have to be in her early 20s? You are almost 30. What if she's almost 30 or maybe a few years older than you? Does she have to be a virgin? There are things more important than if she's a virgin or if she's in her early 20s. Like her personality, demeanor, family, values, faith, etc.
  9. What is your ethnicity/national identity?

    White European and proud.
  10. Honestly, Viva, you sound like me in my darkest moments. The pit of despair looks very dark and hopeless. Your post has helped me see that, because the thoughts you listed in your head are the same ones I have. This is gonna sound weird, but I've had them for such a long time and I now know they are demonic. Straight lies from Satan. And it must be the same demon whispering them in both our ears. He's your husband. That's why it's special. He is with you. He loves you. He's not with them. You made a covenant with him to stay with him for life. That is about the most special a person can be. The awesomeness of ONE person doesn't make a marriage. It's the grace given through the relationship. We are all used. Mainly by the devil trying to lie to us and steal our joy. You are used in a different way, and I'm really mad at the person using you. They don't think about you. They don't care about you. You are animating them with your imagination. He doesn't think about them or love them. He's married to you. You should be laughing at THEM because you get a way better version of the man you are married to than they ever had! Is he a lot older than you? Marriage is so, so, so much better than dating. It's real. It's committed. It has the potential for life. You have all of that available to you. It sounds like he wants this, but you won't let him in. Me too! What's left is your HUSBAND. The man you married. He is a person and is worth more than a sexual act. Does he keep bringing up his past? Because unless I'm misunderstanding, it seems like YOU are the one bringing it up. He won't know how to "not include them" unless you help him. You are obviously operating from a place of deep pain, and so is he... and you both need healing. Married people do all kinds of crap. Most married people need help learning how to communicate. You both need therapy. But since you say here: Then you are set the nails in your own coffin, my friend. Until you are ready to come to it like an adult and admit you need help, no one can help you. There are thousands of therapists trained to help save marriages and learn how to express yourself and also help him understand. You need to meet each other on the level where you can do that. But if you have already decided that there is no help for you (without giving therapy a try, of course) , then there is nothing anyone can do. I care about this post because it is literally what I say and do and think at my very darkest moments. I am speaking from experience. Guess what...agreeing with those thoughts leads to despair. It does NOT feel good and will only make you miserable. You have to use that same energy and do something productive, get out of the pity party, and see the man you married as someone who has value and worth despite what is in his past. He stopped doing those things, and he's with you now. What you choose to do from here is up to you.
  11. How did you betray yourself? This is very strange. What do you mean by "He was not different from Tom, Dick, and Harry"? What do you mean "practice"? Had you not discussed Sex before? What does this mean: "Many of the things that come in my head about him are extremely demeaning and I noticed men use them for women all the time. The strange thing is that those things are flowing naturally for which I can't even call myself judgmental. " This does not sound like a healthy relationship. He begs you to see him as a virgin? Do you keep using his past against him because sex isn't how you thought it would be? You regret marrying him? He threatens suicide? You two need to get into
  12. The website?

    I get weird popups when I go to the main website. I don't know :-/
  13. Pornography is poison and in many ways, more addictive than drugs. It is not fulfilling his sexual needs, it is perpetuating his addiction. Don't waste your time with this guy. It will only make you sad in the long run.
  14. Ah. I'm glad justice and mercy work in tandem. I have a hard time forgiving millions of people for sneaking into my country illegally and robbing me.
  15. You came to forgive ...Trump?
  16. Favorite saint of purity

    My confirmation saint is St. Amelia of Temse. She was consecrated to God, and Charlemagne fell in love with her and wanted to have sex with her, but she said no. He actually at one point broke her arm by trying to drag her away when she was lying prostrate in front of the tabernacle.
  17. Favorite saint of purity

    I love how this post went from "hi! Here is an encouraging thing! Who else has an encouraging thing to share?" to "Hey no offense but your entire religion is wrong, even though my religion came out of it. Here's some stuff you believe even though you say you don't".
  18. Sex is real life, and sometimes it's planned, sometimes it's not. You might be like..."HOLD UP...gotta brush my teeth". And that's ok.
  19. Past tense? What happened, if I may ask?
  20. Engaged waiter here!

    Hi there, guys and gals! I wanted to introduce myself here. I want to be pretty anonymous on this site and not give out who I am, to respect the privacy of my upcoming marriage! But I will tell you I've been waiting my **entire** life, and I'm 36 years old (I still cringe to say or type that), and I'm getting married in 4 months <3 I grew up in Evangelical Purity culture, which meant well but was quite damaging to me on an emotional level. It made sure I didn't have sex before marriage, but didn't keep me from using porn and developing very unhealthy ideas about sex. I am working through overcoming and healing from these damaging things, and it's a good thing. I am really looking forward to sex with my groom-to-be, but I have some hold-over issues that have evolved from thinking as people who didn't wait as dirty and damaged. I am a Christian, a Catholic, to be specific. I converted to the Catholic church about a year ago. It's helped me a lot in these things to see sex as a holistic thing and not separate from our day-to-day lives. It was the reason, when I was younger, that I could look at porn and be addicted to masturbation, but thought I was "pure" because I wouldn't dare have any form of sex. This isn't healthy, and I'm glad I was freed of it. I'm so glad I found this site. I've already had some freeing discussions. I hope to have many more, even after I'm married. Cheers!
  21. 2MetresAbove is is here!

    Welcome to the site!
  22. Total Lunar Eclipse

    I went out and tried to see it and it was blocked, I guess.
  23. Engagement Ring Stone

    I LOVE my diamond. I'm the 4th one in his family to have it. It's an amazing stone. I know I am very traditional and would be happiest with a diamond. I would like something else, but that nagging feeling would be there that I wish I had a diamond. So, the way this worked out is pretty perfect for me.
  24. This woman is someone you didn't know. You didn't, for whatever reason, think she was worth the time getting to know. So even if she was a wonderful person, the very powerful draw of "what if?" has you sucked in and is making you suffer right now. Just be away that that is an endless well and can take over your imagination and lead you to despair. I think it's interesting to note that you said you could have had sex thousands of times and had kids and more money...instead of that you maybe missed out on getting to know a wonderful person. Though it has many positive attributes, marriage is not about a status upgrade. It is about uniting with another person. That's what I would be worried about, rather than missing out on sex or kids. Is it hard for you to get close to people? Have you had other girlfriends you were close to? Are you a closed off and emotionally unavailable person? These things are relationship killers.
  25. Nope, and you shouldn't feel like you have to defend your choice of who you want to do or think you might possibly need to feel guilty about it. I'm only attracted to white men. So there it is.