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About Fala

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  1. Here's the issue with your rant, it's biased and is also missing vital acknowledgment. The old school was the same way. This is one of my pet peeves with people criticising modern ways of doing things as if things years ago weren't the same way. Look at the many marriages that were not because two people loved each other, but were because the woman got knocked up. So, they got married and lived together for years tolerating each other because they were taught it was their duty. An example, would be my aunt and my uncle (he supports the household mostly), both are over 60 years old. They have been married for years, but they sleep in separate bedrooms and she has extramarital affairs with both sexes. What makes their marriage better than recent the marriages that didn't last very long. I acknowledge that some may have fallen in love or but then others didn't. Look at the many long lasting marriages with horrible secrets, spouses who didn't respect each other, unhealthy marriages, but people assume that because their marriages lasted for over 20 years they are doing things right. People have been practising marriage as business transactions of centuries, what do you think dowries are? I doubt every marriage that has had one involved love. In fact, this is still going on. Arranged marriages between royals, all about politics. Marriage has been practiced outside of love for generations, centuries even. The "traditional" being better is overrated. In honesty, I don't think traditional or modern necessarily exists. The "moderns" are just copying what's been going on for sometime now. I don't believe that the old school people loved each other more and were all about romance. I belidon't believe a lot of young people are still falling in love. Yes, a lot of us are hooking up before marriage, but guess what? The traditional generations did as well. If not, why did many of them get married purely because a child was conceived? They wanted sex and expected it in their relationships as well. Instant gratification is a human condition that has affected every generation when it comes to romance, work, etc... The modern world is not all that different. To criticise the people today for not being like the traditionals of tester generations is simply to criticise them for not making the same mistakes as traditionals. However, in truth, people are making the same mistakes. People just practicing the mistakes more now than before. But these sins are not new. The issue we have is fear. Many young people grew up around the horrible marriages of the old school, who did things the "traditional" way and watched them fail. We watched many of them hurt each other in ways that was a direct violation of marriage and there is a fear of turning out just like them. My own mother stayed in marriage for almost 20 years, with my father who is a drug addict, drunk, and sexually and physically abusive. Yet, when I hear her criticise the fact that marriages don't last long, I think about her staying with my father for so long and the fact that she is on her 3rd marriage. Now as a young adult, I fear spending years in a marriage with someone who is horrible, who doesn't want to change, and have children in the midst of it. Marriage is a huge risk; so, many feel it's better avoid it and just enjoy themselves without it. I would love to have a marriage where all we do is simply have sex, have kids, and have our own space. When we want romance, we can create it, but I don't want him in my space for too long, and we must respect that. Unfortunately, this is not what God intended. So, I've decided not to get married at all. Most of the fellow young people I've talked to who just want the benefits of marriages without the commitment are doing it for protection. This way, when warning signs start to appear, you won't have to go through divorce, alimony, or legal cases. Just move on. This is where many of them are coming from. I think their concerns are justified and understandable. Has this lead to issues? Yes. But the traditionalists negatively influenced the fear we see today by being poor role models of healthy marriage; so, many young people don't have faith in marriage. Until we can help fellow young people see what marriage should have been in their homes or in the world, they will continue to lack faith in it. However, I don't agree with the holier than thou criticisims that the traditional or old school was better. From what I've seen and have heard about old school practices, they were just as unholy and corrupt in many ways as this generation. In my case, even though I know how marriage should be, I don't want it. I like being independent and not having to worry about putting up with staying in an unhealthy marriage as my mother did. And if I had ever been in situation as unhealthy as my mother, I would be more comfortable divorcing than she was.