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About BlackRose

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  • Birthday April 24

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    London, UK
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    Anime, Manga, PS4, Games, Kingdom Hearts, Rock Music, Melodic Metal, Post hardcore, J-pop, J-rock, K-pop

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  1. Some people just aren't touchy feely or like hugs. I love hugs from friends and family regardless so unless I really didn't like someone (and if I'm playing games at someone's house, I clearly see them as a friend to a certain extent) I'd be cool with a hug. However in this case, it's either the girl doesn't like you yet or she doesn't like hugging people she's not in intimate relationships with. It doesn't mean that you've screwed up since that's pretty flimsy. However trying to read too much into one situation isn't wise either. I agree with @seabutterfly, not to give up but not to be too aggressive in pursuing her unless she gives you signals herself or you clarify by asking her explicitly and accepting that answer whether positive or negative.
  2. Favorite saint of purity

    I don't think it hurts God's feelings, but I could imaging God being perplexed at why people would pray to dead saints who have no power to actually do anything. By praying to them it elevates them to a "God-like" status which then starts to get close to idol-worship and that is unbiblical. I just think it's wrong to begin with. You're praying to people who can't actually help you. Only God can help you through any problems that you may face; not dead saints. Because that's all they are, dead people who lived holy lives. It's good to look at people's lives and see what they did right but they shouldn't be worshiped or prayed to because of it. We should be praying to the one who enabled them to make those decisions in the first place and that is God. Without him, we are nothing and that is the same for the dead saints.
  3. I know that for me I would still be waiting regardless of religion or not. I think personally those that successfully WTM faith isn't a strong enough motivator anymore. If it was then you wouldn't get the numbers of Christians for example who fall prey to having sex before marriage nowadays. In comparison, you will get more Christians speak out against about homosexuality or abortions and say this is against their religion because it is in the bible. We don't get nearly as many speaking out against fornication imo because so many are doing it. But they are all stated as sins in the same bible last time I checked So I personally think that successfully waiting until marriage stems more from a moral motivation in the sexualised society that we live in rather than religious. Faith is a motivator but ultimately it is down to the individual to actually carry it out and that tends to be for moral reasons. If religion/faith was strong enough in itself, we would have a lot more Christian waiters for example. But just to clarify and answer the question, I am waiting for both religious and moral reasons. I have no desire to have sex with anyone but my husband.
  4. Hi Everyone! Newbie from London, UK

    @Thomist Thanks! That's awesome to hear. Did you just come to London on holidays? Also welcome to the forum
  5. Long Engagements

    I think age might be a big factor for this one. If you're younger, then it probably makes sense to have a longer engagement. You need to make sure that you're thinking things through. Also time is on your side so you can. My parents were together for 5 years before they got married but my mum was 16 when they started dating so they needed to wait. However as you get older, having a long engagement might not be that wise. You know what you want in relationship so why waste time? That's not to say that you should rush into it by any means and if that means a long engagement then so be it. It's easier to break off an engagement than get divorced. At the moment depending on how much I am in contact with my boyfriend, I'd like to date for at least 2 years and then be engaged for at least 1. I don't see that changing however old I get since that's a minimum. But if you are waiting, a lot of people so tend to slip up during the engagement period because they see themselves as basically married. As long as you have self control then it's fine but why make things harder than they need to be? If you have no real reason for a long engagement then there isn't much point. If you feel like there are certain things that need to be worked out though then again, it's fine for it to be long. I don't think frowned upon is the right word, it's more like it's not seen as very wise if there are no special circumstances keeping you from getting married. What do you actually mean by this btw? It's bit confusing. Are you currently in a LDR? If that's the case then a long engagement would be fine if you haven't been in the same proximity as each other very much because that's a special circumstance and you definitely need to make sure that this has a chance of working out.
  6. Finding someone from church

    Honestly, I don't think many people meet in Churches anymore due to the complications and politics behind it if the relationship goes wrong. If you aren't willing to switch churches then it's probably best to just going to events and seeing whether or not you meet people. That's what I'm doing since I don't go to an actual church, I do church at home with my family so I have to make the extra effort to meet people. I attend comic cons and both Christian and non-Christian rock concerts. That being said, now that my parents are travelling a lot more, there is a Church we do attend on the occasion but it's not to meet someone to date but to make friends - this should be your first aim and dating second. But going to Church just to meet someone isn't the right thing to do and will often lead to disappointment. I used to be like that when going to events and it just became very disheartening so I now go to Church and events for myself, meeting people is the icing on the cake. If your Church is fine with regards to their doctrine and principles then there should be no real reason to move imo (unless everyone is very old - then you may need to move to one with a younger crowd). I'm appalled at these women though who would go onto a site just to date "nice guy". It's people like this who give these sites a bad rep and why you have to be so cautious online nowadays because it's so easy to lie online Anyway hope that this helps and all the best
  7. Long-distance relationship?

    I wouldn't and couldn't mainly because of my circumstances. I work in a family business and eventually my brother, sister and I will take it over from our parents. As a result in order for a long distance relationship to work, they would need to be planning to come to live in London, UK at some point or there's no point in us getting involved in anything at all. I don't have feelings or time to waste and I certainly wouldn't want to waste their time either. If it's something that you can do and your lifestyle is flexible enough to accommodate to that, then I'd say go for it. More and more people are getting involved in long distance relationships and honestly, if it wasn't for that restriction, I'd probably consider it since it does widen the scope of people to date/marry. But it certainly is more work and I always try to work smarter, not harder but the best thing to do would be to pray about it if that situation does ever come up
  8. I'm pretty much like that too. I don't believe in love at first site or any of that sort of stuff, lust at first sight is what I believe happens. How can you possibly fall in love with someone you know nothing about? I believe that allowing yourself to fall in love with someone is a choice and it's probably because we have so much more to lose in comparison to non-waiters. We aren't after the physical aspect in a relationship so emotionally, we have to be much more guarded and that probably prevents us from "falling in love" in comparison to non-waiters (I could be very wrong about this though). Oddly enough I've had this conversation with my friends about "my list" and it's pretty long but less and less of them are deal-breakers as I get older with my main deal-breakers being that they are: Christian, virgin, older than me, have a good education. However, if I was to meet a non-virgin, they would need to tick every item on my long list before I could even consider dating them. But honestly, I'm at a point where I would be very willing to wait forever but after a certain age I don't think I'd want to get married if I haven't met someone by then
  9. Expectations in marriage

    @Geraldine Yes, praise the Lord! Not a problem and thanks for sharing the article It's definitely not the most natural thing as you've said. It's taken me a while to get to this point. Before when I used to hear things like "enjoy your singleness" and "focus on God" I'd always think "easy for you to say, you're all in relationships/have dated/are married etc" and almost get angry at them. But now I can definitely see the advantages to being single, you're able to focus on things important to you, like your relationship with God, without bringing someone else into it which adds extra complications (both good and bad). But once you get to that point of fulfillment and satisfaction (in Jesus) other things don't tend to matter as much
  10. Expectations in marriage

    I think that this is something that a lot of single people who chase after being in a relationship forget. Being in a relationship, marriage and having a spouse won't in itself make you happy. They will add extra things to your life (both good and bad) but you can be fully content without being married or have a husband/wife. The more I look to Jesus, the more I realise this. It's only in him where I can find true happiness since people, including your spouse will let you down and be a source of unhappiness. But if you do get into a good marriage then that's a massive blessing in itself. The exact same thing could be said regarding men and their sexual needs. Society is also filled with men who believe that the success of their marriage is determined by how often they have sex and how good the sex is and that if the husband isn't happy then it's the wife's fault for not fulfilling their sexual needs. Some men may take it further and use this basis as a reason to cheat on their wives just like women who try and get their emotional needs met elsewhere; both are problematic and come from unrealistic expectations in marriage. It's also used as a method to guilt-trip a lot of women into having sex with their husbands when they would otherwise wouldn't in order to ensure that he doesn't step outside but the same could probably be for men feeling obliged to meet all of their wife's emotional needs so they too don't step outside emotionally when it's impossible. There are two side to every story and I like others have stated would love to see one for men although I assume it would mainly be about sex, respect and masculinity (or something along those lines). Oddly enough I'm actually not - probably because I relate to this myself in terms of how I deal with people. I'm rather stubborn so I know that one bone of contention will be the fact that I will expect to get my way on certain matters. However I also understand the reality of the situation is that I won't always get my way and this will lead to me feeling "unloved" at that moment since I tend to take things very very personally - something I've tried to change but it just ends up being more destructive in the long-run due to the built up resentment. It's this mentality that shows me that I'm not ready for a relationship and certainly not marriage yet since honestly, there seem to be more costs than benefits. So I'm just looking to strengthen my relationship with Jesus atm, since I'll only find true happiness in him
  11. Is Virginity Really Attractive?

    @NotTheOne So sorry you had to experience that Personally I believe that an important aspect of virginity is to do with consent so even though you may technically not be a virgin according to the dictionary definition, I would also say that you are technically a virgin because it was a non-consensual experience, not sex (lets not give that evil person any hold ) Any man with common sense wouldn't hold what happened against you and if they do, they are absolutely not worth your time of day. As for me personally though, since being not being a virgin for me is a dealbreaker quality (i.e. I wouldn't date someone if they weren't a virgin), it's something that I desire in my future husband and that would help me be more attracted to them. So desire and attraction for me link in this way since I would find it impossible to be attracted to someone who isn't a virgin mainly because I'd feel like I'd be getting "leftovers" and that kills any chance of me being attracted to them (or wanting to date them in the first place). I'm more than happy to be their friend though, just not their spouse. The lack of exclusivity in our relationship that would be present is enough to kill it for me. However, virginity in itself isn't the attractive quality but the things I associate it with such as integrity, self-control, faithfulness to their future spouse, morality (since so many Christians lose their virginity now, I see it less of a religious thing and more or a moral code to have kept your virginity) etc especially if they have had opportunities to lose it and haven't. However I myself haven't ever been in a situation where I have had an opportunity to lose my virginity (since I have never been asked out or dated) but I also have no desire to lose it until I am married. This seems to be valued less in this thread by a lot of people but honestly I would almost prefer it since it would speak to me that they have kept themselves out of foolish situations where temptation could have arisen and that is something I also find desirable and attractive
  12. @Geraldine You have no idea how motivating it is to hear that other people do this I also definitely related to some of Jonathan's points in the article. One issue that I have had is that people tend to focus on the positives on going to Church and hid the negatives which are now getting more and more common. It is important to have a community (however big or small) of Christians around you who you can learn from and grow spiritually. What God thinks about us is super important and something I've had to come more to terms with as I'm getting older. I think another thing for me has been developing a personal relationship with God. When you're born in a Christian household, you almost take it for granted (well I did) and you forget the importance of searching and knowing more about him for yourself. It was only in my late teens when I started to develop a relationship with him personally. I'm not perfect but at least it's something but it is important since we all have to give account at the end of the day. Agreed, our aim in doing Church at home was solely to honor him and follow the principles of the bible. But also because my parents felt like the Church was also demanding too much from them (as some do) and they didn't want to be those statistics of Christian parents with children "going off the walls" because the parents spent 90% of their time at church and weren't there to influence their kids. We're all called to serve but sometimes I also feel like some Churches can take this out of balance and that also doesn't put Churches in a great light. There are definitely some great ones out there but they are few and far between.
  13. I pretty much agree with everything you've said I am happy we could help each other. I helps so much when you know that there are others who relate to what you're going through, No worries, I'm always happy to talk to anyone here - I'm sure I'll take you up on that offer. Please feel free to give me a buzz if there is anything on your mind at all. And it's not a problem at all. I'm sure everyone, myself include is grateful for your contribution
  14. Interesting question actually! I best start off with this since: oddly enough I don't go to "Church" as in the normal sense (a building with like-minded people) for several different reasons and it's been this way for over 10 years. Mainly because there wasn't a good one near us. The things that they were teaching we too basic (and there's no point in going if you're not growing spiritually) or the pastor overseeing the church was exhibiting inappropriate behaviour (one divorced his wife and then (very quickly which made it look very suspicious) remarried so that he could get an American passport so he could start preaching). As a result of not being able to find a Church, we just do Church as a family in our house on Sundays, watch a sermon, do praise and worship, pray etc. When I have told people, this, it comes across as very odd since it's very unconventional. The others pretend it's okay but still think it's odd.We would try and get back into it again but it's not been very positive. Yet I do have a personal relationship with God and that ultimately is the most important thing about being a Christian. I think it's not a complete red flag for me at least. What would be more of a red flag is if they did nothing to maintain a personal relationship with God. However one thing that I am having to think about is what Church would we go to? Since I have a family church, unless he wants to come to that, I'd probably have to head to his one but my negative experiences with Churches as of late have made me rather weary. Also I tend to react badly when people bring me to events and introduce me because I see it more as a burden for the person showing me around - especially when I don't know anyone. This is something I need to consider more though but I'm not dating yet so I have plenty of time for thoughts, consideration and prayer on this matter
  15. You're not wrong to feel the way that you do. But honestly you're better off leaving him. This relationship will do more damage to your self esteem when it should be the place that elevates it. Sorry but anyone who does the above, it's inappropriate and honestly if it were me, i would break up with him immediately. You deserve so much better and he's treating you like crap at this point. Walk away and God will see you through it. You'll be thankful in the long run even though it seems hard now. My only question is, would he have not shown signs of this type of behaviour before you started dating him? If someone talks about their exs too much, that's an immediate red flag for me because it shows that they aren't over them.