BlackRose

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About BlackRose

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  • Birthday April 24

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  1. In comparison to you I'm only 23 so I'm not considered an "older waiter". However being female does have it's own pressures too since men can always go for younger women but women don't have that luxury. However I think with this point, I can see why it would be worrying. That's why I also wanted to get married young and have all my kids (I want 4) before I was 30 after having a couple of years just enjoying being married. I just don't like the idea of being an older parent, similar to you but also because my parents and grandparents had us pretty young ish so that's the only example I've been given and I've seen the advantages of having kids young as a woman. It's true that your wife would be exhausted from taking care of your children but the amount you have sex is something that should be discussed well before hand like during the engagement phase. Luckily my parent's have provided me with a positive view on sex inside of marriage and one thing that they did do when they had children is schedule sex in. A lot of people are under the illusion that sex should be this impromptu thing all the time when that's actually not feasible all the time due to busy schedules, especially after children. Sometimes you have to plan to have sex on a particular day and stick to it because husbands and wives need to ensure that the nurture their sexual relationship. Even if you don't 100% feel like it, sex seems to be one of those things that the more you do it, the more you want it and vice versa, especially for women and myself. I think the concerns with the type of woman who wouldn't want sex or do it once a decade (this did make me laugh and then slightly worried that some people are like that) suggests that she wasn't comfortable with her sexuality to begin with. However that would be obvious with the discussions that you have with her during the dating stage I hope. For me (let me know if this is TMI) I masturbate (mainly because of my cycles and that I enjoy the sensations, not because I've seen an attractive person because none of those people are my husband lol) and I feel like that's actually helped me get in touch with my sexuality and look forward to sex within marriage with my husband. Before I was very apprehensive about sex and did see it as a chore but now I see it in a very positive light which has me to not see it as a chore but as a blessing. Now I know that masturbation can be very controversial within Christianity and other religions but personally I feel like its a medium for people to express their sexuality in a way that allows them to accept the fact that they are sexual beings without repressing it as a single person. I found during particular seasons that the more I masturbate, the more I desire to get married and have sex with my husband and I feel like sex is the same way. Now I know that this doesn't work for everyone and it's a bit like alcohol (some people are fine drinking it whereas others are not, and that's fine by me) but I just wanted to provide a person experience that I feel has helped me and may provide some reassurance to you. Everyone is on their own journey your future wife may be on that journey, especially if she is a virgin, to wire her brain to accept that her sexuality it to be embraced. This can be hard when women are told to repress it and we are assumed to not have a sex drive (which I'm pretty sure isn't the case for me haha). I think though the fact that men need sex does make it a chore in some ways for women who aren't naturally that in tune with their sexuality. Again, my parents have also expressed the fact that men need sex every 3 days (well really it was my dad emphasising the point with my mum agreeing) and that if my dad doesn't start expressing that need, my mum starts to get worried (thinking maybe he's stressed or something). So for me, it's helped wire my brain towards the fact that I will be having sex with my husband every 2/3 days (ideally more especially as I get older). Do I see it as a chore...yes and no. Yes in the sense that there may be times that I don't feel like it but I would be willing to meet my husbands needs at those time but no since I'd be pretty disappointed to find out that my husband didn't want to do it as often as that minimum. No-one said that chores can't be fun I want to please my husband sexually and I hope he would want to do the same It would suck if he found sex to be a chore though since although it's rarer, I'm also worried about being with a man who had a lower libido than I do but again I hope to find this out during the engagement stage and we would hopefully work around that before we're married. I think that main thing is to find someone who has a healthy view on sex and sexuality within marriage that aligns with yours. Someone who would be excited to have sex regularly and is open to talk about what they would like to do and not do (within marriage of course). That's the kind of woman you want and I'm sure she out there waiting for you
  2. Of course that's true. A person being a virgin doesn't make them automatically better but for me, it increases the level of trust I can have towards that person. Two virgins becoming one together on their wedding night don't have the extra barrier between them of past sexual partners and getting rid of those thoughts. They would only have thoughts of each other For me a person being a non-virgin just shows me that they have no control over themselves in that department and automatically, I will lose respect for that person if I am to find out that they are not a virgin and they then ask me out. It does not mean that they are a bad person, I just feel that we could never be on the same wavelength on certain issues because your actions suggest to me that regardless of what you have been told in the bible, they thought it was right to have premarital sex which I disagree with a passion for both moral and religious reasons. Actions will always speak louder than words. For me, being a virgin in this day and age says a lot about your values and morals as an individual. In marriage, it's important to be with someone who's moral compass is on the same wavelength as yours, otherwise it's not going to work in the long run. However, I would also like to add that with regards to the situations above, this is what the dating process and pre-marriage counselling are for. If he exhibited either of the above behaviours or I felt that I wasn't getting 100% of him I would drop him in heartbeat However, he's not going to know if he's sexually settling for me until we're married so that in this case it's irrelevant. In the case of a non-virgin, you automatically don't get 100% of their love and sexual intimacy. They have shared that with someone else. You may get 100% of what they have left to give but it's essentially getting a smaller pie rather than a full size one so it's never going to be a true 100%. In monetary terms, £50 doesn't equal £100. They are both still of value because money is valuable just like sexual intimacy, but no matter what, the virgin is getting 100% of a smaller amount (in this case the £50) which overall is still smaller and of lesser value whereas the non-virgin is getting 100% of a larger amount (in this case the £100) and essentially having their cake and eating it too (they earn £50). This is what I have an issue with and why I have extreme reservation in terms of marrying a non-virgin. And that's fine, there are plenty of women like that in this world. I just happen to not be one of then. Like I've said before, I see it as getting 100% of a smaller pie (see above). Now I know that things are not fair but for me this would be settling. There are no actions or words that a guy could say that will make me change my mind or alleviate my concerns in that area if they are not a virgin because once you've lost it, I can't see you as giving me the true 100%. Instead you're giving me a new 100% which for me doesn't hold the same value. It's like when there is adultery in a relationship, the relationship changes forever and it will never be the same again. The couple has to find a new normal to accommodate for the adultery and help in the process of rebuilding trust. For me I view non-virginity in the same way, I would have to find a new normal to accommodate for the lack of trust I would have to them in that department. Now because I am not married to that person, I am under no obligation to do this so I am better off finding someone who's views align with my own because our standards would be the same. I do agree that both are bad and that's why it's important to know if this is a serious dealbreaker for you which in my case it is. Even if the guy told me and possibly showed me that they were giving 100%, it would never really be enough for me. Their actions have spoken. It's like if someone murders a person. The can say that they are sorry all they like and repent 10 fold but it still doesn't change the fact that they have killed someone. There is forgiveness but there are also consequences. Virginity is irreversible; once it's gone, you can never get it back and it speaks volumes to me if a person has been able to be in previous relationships and still hold onto their virginity (and by virginity I don't just mean no PIV sex but that's another discussion). I don't want to waste his or my time. Again with adultery, it wouldn't matter how sorry they are, if they cheated on me, I will be divorcing them - end of story. Seeing as you aren't a virgin currently, it would naturally follow that it's a lot easier for you to accept a woman being a non virgin. I know that you were also in that situation but it suggests to me that you didn't value virginty highly to begin with if you could lose it to someone who's had sex with 60 + people. That may or may not be true but that's how I view it. It's not the virginity that is of value but the things that virginity is associated with: faithfulness, self-control etc. That's not to say that non-virgins don't have those qualities, but in the sex department, it's hard to see it like that. However I do value virginity in men. It's honestly rare to meet virgin men nowadays (I still haven't met one in real life) so I would value it in that sense too and have much more respect for them. A non-virgin male just tells me that he's like the rest of the world in that case. I feel like this is very insensitive but again you're talking as a non-virgin and I'm talking as a virgin. Having confidence about your body doesn't make the issue go away if you are concerned with the lack of sexual exclusivity in the relationship which destroys it at the core for me (although I explain this a bit more below) By exclusivity I mean that they have not been with any other person sexually but you. There is something special and sacred about that and I believe that it lost when one person is a virgin and the other isn't. For me this is what constitutes real intimacy and is the way that God intended it. Everything else falls short of that mark. The non-virgin brings along with them sexual baggage and the lack of sexual exclusivity to the relationship. They dynamic is different if they are both not virgins. For me, my husband being a virgin would enable me to open up to him mentally, physically and emotionally because I know that there will be no comparisons or sexual baggage being brought into our relationship and for me that is beautiful. The moment they are not, I will always feel a bit shortchanged and emotionally hold back from them so it doesn't make sense to enter this type of relationship for both his and my sake. There is always a 3rd option, choose neither. Both involve settling and for me (assuming they are male obviously) they both have qualities that I would find unattractive in a spouse. Like I said before, just because someone is a virgin doesn't make them better but it does make it more likely that they would be (although in this situation that would not be the case for Person A). Person B however makes me doubt that they seriously understand how highly I value sexual intimacy. They wouldn't ever understand or appreciate the fact that I've waited so losing my virginity to that person would be wasted on them. It's like giving an expensive gift to someone who shows no appreciation for it but throwing it away or/and shows no gratitude; of course it's good to give but the matter of the fact is, that gift was wasted on them and it would have a much higher value being given to someone who appreciated it. Again you're saying this from the perspective of a non-virgin. That brings little comfort to those who have waited and are still virgins. I also feel like this opinion gives virgins, especially women very little credit. I am not fearful of sex and there is a lot of knowledge available to know what good marital sex should be like and I'm all for the opinion of educating yourself to know what to expect in a marital sexual relationship...although this does now mean that I have a whole list of things I want to try with my husband though lol. For me, I'm not concerned about pleasing him sexually; that's something I'll learn how to do and will be happy to do as his wife and I hope he would be the same with me. What will be lost is the opportunity to learn about each other together and only each other. The sacredness of sex being between just the two of us as husband and wife exclusively is forever lost and is not something I take lightly, hence why it's a dealbreaker for me. He as a non-virgin would be bringing to the relationship information and techniques he's learnt and used on other women. That doesn't make me feel special, and it doesn't make sex seem like something that is intimate and done between two people that love each other, it makes me feel like I'm another person on his list of people he's slept with and that for me is disgusting and trashy. It's disgusting to think that he's performed such intimate acts on another human being and then "claims" that it's special with me I can't physically fathom having sex with someone who isn't my husband to the point where I feel almost sick. I don't understand why people can have sexual desires to engage in activities with people that they aren't married to. That's what I need to get over and frankly someone telling me they love me isn't going to be enough. It's not as easy as you make it seem. Just because you were able to get over it (hence why you were fine having sex with a woman who's slept with over 60+ people), don't forget that some people cannot. It tends to be a common excuse that non-virgins give to virgins: It's not that deep Just get over it It may not be their first time with you but it's still special etc I wouldn't consider dating someone who's even slept with 1 person (unless they fit certain requirements that I have e.g. they have not had sex for over 4 or more years AND tick all of the boxes but due to their lack of virginity, I would judge them more harshly so even with that lifeline, it's unlikely I would date them since I would nit pick and find an excuse not to). So a person who's been with 60 + people just says to me that they don't value the sacredness of sexual intimacy, there's no coming back from that point - to me they are not dateable and not marriage material. As you can see we are coming from very different perspectives and we're probably best to agree to disagree on this. Oh dear, that's quite a shame. I'm lucky to have not seen those posts, I didn't even know they existed Rape and sexual assault should always be separated, since it's through no fault of their own. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It just makes me sad and angry that there are people in this world that would do that. Further blaming and saying that they aren't a virgin again is like another slap to the face for something that isn't their fault which is cruel and heartless in my opinion. I have considered this time and time again. We all do. I know for myself and God knows me, it's either the guy has to be a virgin or I will remain and be happily single. It's both for the guy's benefit and my own. You have to know yourself. Some people can handle being married to a non-virgin just like some people can handle adultery. Others cannot and therefore will not stand for this. I would unfairly hold it against him which would make him miserable and I know that knowing that he has been intimate with another woman would make me miserable. Also for me, my love language is Acts of Service followed by Quality Time. Words of Affirmation is the lowest one for me. In order to get over it, you must value what people say, but I live by the saying that actions speak louder than words. Words are cheap when it comes to sex because it's a mainly physical thing. They can claim that they "wish they had waited for me" and "they love me" but it does not erase the fact that they have had sex, an act of intimacy that should be between husband and wife only, with another person (or people) on this planet. To me that speaks volumes about how they value sex. You cannot take back or undo your actions once they are done but you can always twist words and say "that's not what I meant" or "I didn't mean it like that". Furthermore there are too many stories of one person being a virgin and the other isn't and the virgin has a hard time getting over the fact that their spouse was sexually active with other people in the past. It's the kind of thing that can either go away with time or hurt more with time. When deciding to enter a relationship or marriage you should choose your battles carefully and that's one I choose to avoid. There are very specific circumstances where I would be willing to accept a non-virgin but if not then I am happy not never be married and that doesn't bother me at all. I've never had a crush or been sexually turned on by another person so I cannot sympathise with any reason a person would give as to why they had sex before or outside of a marriage context - period. It's not something that I respect as a decision and so overall at this point there is no reason as to why myself as a virgin would marry a non-virgin. Again, that's not to say that other virgins wouldn't and there are plenty of virgins that are fine marrying non-virgins. However there are also virgins who will not marry non-virigins and that should be respected as well.
  3. Wedding dress choice

    The tradition of wearing white on your wedding day actually came in due to Queen Victoria when she married Prince Albert, it was never a symbol of purity or virginity, that came in later. Also a lot of non-virgins wear white so it doesn't say anything about you nowadays sadly . It's up to you what colour you wear, it is your wedding day after all and it's your dress. The person who has the final say is you. Did you pick out the dress with your family? If they haven't contested against it then doesn't it show that it doesn't really matter what colour you're wearing? As long as you love it, who cares what other people think?! The only thing you need to worry about is looking your best on the day which I'm sure you will Congrats btw
  4. Waiting and Loneliness

    I agree and disagree. On one hand, yes our culture doesn't value friendships in the sense that the term can be thrown around so loosely. Most people that we call our friends are actually acquaintances. Not everyone is lucky to build those deep and meaningful friendships that we desire. Like myself for example, I've had to move schools a lot whereas my brother and sister haven't so much. As a result my friendships have been very short and when I try to reconnect with them they are very cold for some reason or another. These are not what you cal real relationships or friendships. My brother and sister have been able to reconnect with old friends and maintain friendships for almost 10 + years. This is the main reason why for myself I don't see a high value on friendships but I can see the benefit for others. However with that in mind you would place a higher value on marriage regardless and the companionship that it brings. Hence why ideally for me I would want to be friends with someone before considering embarking on a relationship with that person. My past experiences with people have made me very cautious and slow to trust people. On the other hand I do agree with the fact that if people did value friendship more, there wouldn't be a pressure to get married. But marriage is one of the only places that you are guanteed that deep connection that you crave physically. There are other ways but for most people it's the easiest place. Of course there is God but he's clearly created within us a need to connect with others on this planet. Otherwise we wouldn't complain and have times of loneliness. Okay that makes a bit more sense. Unfortunately, I think it depends on the Christian circles that you're in. The Christian Union that I went to while I was at uni was very clicky and even at Churches people tend to form groups just like schools, uni etc. I actually don't think that this would change much at all. I think what needs to change is the way we use the word friendship which had been cheapened with the increase of things like Facebook (friends), Twitter (followers) and Youtube (subscribers). It makes people feel that you have a lot of friends/support when really you don't. This is a partial reason for the increase in loneliness today. But you only require one spouse. Since the value of friendship has diminished, the value of marriage has increased so to speak. This is why people emphasis on finding the one, your soulmate because anyone can claim to be a "friend" but only one can be your partner for life. Real and true friendships and relationships are very hard to find nowadays. Being a waiter doesn't make it easier in this day and age and when you are a virgin waiter, that makes it even more difficult to find people who's values align with your own.
  5. Waiting and Loneliness

    @Skylark For me it's not about undervaluing friendships but just the fact that none of mine are that deep. They are rather peripheral so it's provided me with the aspect that friendships are rather unless unless they are deep which really happens over time. I can see how they are useful but when they chop and change so much it's impossible to see them as such. As a result I value family very highly and friendship not so much since friends have no real obligation to stay unless it's out of the goodness of their heart. I recognise that a spouse won't meet all of my relational needs either and same with my family. At the end of the day no-one can so we have to learn to be content with ourselves if we will ever have a real shot at dealing with our loneliness that comes up every now and again.
  6. Waiting and Loneliness

    It's a bit of a wierd cycle for me since a lot of the activities I do, watch animes, read manga, play games and go to concerts tend to be alone. I'm not in contact from really any of my friends from school or uni and the main time I interact with other people is when I go to convensions to cosplay (twice a year currently but I want to increase it) and see people there. I also work with my family and do church at home with my family so naturally, I am quite close with them. I think the aspect of loneliness would be much worse for me otherwise. I do tend to avoid romance media though to make the waiting easier since whenever I watch romance stuff, it just made it more irritating that I've been single all my life However, I will always choose being single over being in a bad relationship (hence why I haven't ever been in one). Another thing I do tend to do is to focus on God when I can although that does depend on my mood but realising that no matter what, he is always there is comforting. But again this tends to work for me since my friends have changed so much over the years that God is the only factor that has stayed constant in my life. I think though that loneliness is exasperated when you don't meet likeminded individuals that aren't your family. I do visit a church when my parents aren't in the country but they're still rather conservative in some of their views. Likewise the people at the cons that I connect with are too liberal with their views but I seem to have more in common with them with the difference of faith and other issues. I think if you have or an in an environment where you are surrounded by likeminded people, it makes it easier. Yes we can all turn to God but we need something physical, otherwise God would always be enough and we wouldn't have a desire to develop human relationships.
  7. Relational Comfort and Shaving Habits

    If a woman is comfortable in a relationship, then there is no real reason for them to shave anymore, hence the change in habit since they've gotten the guy. The same could be said for when the guy stops "romancing" their partner since they've gotten the girl. Comfort makes people lazy and with that comes a lack of wanting to shave/romancing their partner. Why wear make-up? Why wear nice clothes? They are all in the same boat. We do it to make ourselves look and feel attractive. Then as we feel more comfortable we feel that our personalities should keep you interested enough (that's not to say that ensuring you look good goes out of the window). As a relationship gets more serious you see the good the bad and the ugly, personality and lookswise (hence why getting married after a short amount of time is utter foolishness). At the start of any relationship, you are on your best behaviour and shaving I guess is a part of that. You want to look and act like the perfect partner at the start but it's not maintainable for some people. Over time it should be fine to slip into not shaving as often (not the overexaggeration in the pictures above) and it should boil down to the woman's choice - it is her body after all. These men sound shallow and entitled and honestly I would run several miles away from any of these men who think that women should shave for them . They sound like the type of guys who believe that sex is all about the guy getting pleasure and the woman should just sit back and enjoy it. I know you aren't discussing the choice thing but it does link in this part. It is a choice for women to shave. True love is about accepting a person at both their best (in this case, being shaved) and not their best (i.e. not shaved). The reason women grow resentful over it is because it suggests that they are only pretty when they do shave and when they don't, they're ugly. The guy is not accepting you in your natural state. It raises a lot of red flags. If they can't deal with you being unshaven, what about waking up next to you when you have morning breath and things like that. It You should be able to let loose around your partner, be lazy but he still says you're stunning. As for me, I've never dated or been in serious relationship but I wouldn't see it as an issue. I don't shave unless I want to which tends to be limited to summer months only and even then I wear mainly t-shirts that cover my underarms and I hate shorts If a guy I was dating saw it as an issue, that would raise a flag for me that he is rather superficial. I guess it is a sort of a test in a way. if that's all it takes for him to be unattracted to me then all I can say is "good riddance" . Being sexually active though takes a whole different spin on the shaving thing though. I'd still probably be the same unless I feel more attractive with shaved underarms and legs. I'd refuse to shave my pubic hairs though under any circumstances since I always associate fully shaved to porn/young girls which creeps me out like mad (I'd trim it though) . But I totally see why people shave at the start and become more relaxed about it as the relationship goes on, I'd probably be the same. Overall the change in habit it more about accepting the woman for who they are since becoming more comfortable in a relationship would enable that. Women want security in a relationship and that security has more of a foundation when they know that they are loved when they look their best and not so great.
  8. It's up to you whether you can accept it. If it was that important to you then you should have prodded him from the beginning. I always ask this from the onset since I know that it would bother me so much that I can no longer date them. It does concern me the these were hookups and not even actual relationships which would make me question how he values sex. He's also waited an entire year to tell you which is also unfair to you since you would develop feelings during this time which would make this decision much harder and is overall very selfish of him imo. If you will hold this against him you need to leave. Even if you think you can get over it is would still say leave to clear your head so that your feelings for him aren't clouding your judgement and that you make the right decision
  9. There are plenty of people like you. I have never had a boyfriend, been asked out/dated or kissed or anything close to that. It doesn't mean that you'll never get one though. Obsessing over it is going to make it harder and all the more disappointing when you don't get one. It's discouraging for sure but you have no baggage which is always going to be a plus. Having a lot of dating experience doesn't make you a better boyfriend/girlfriend, in fact it suggests that you don't know what you want in a person. Casual dating is unattractive to me. I'd personally be put off someone who's had a lot of dating experience since you're not going to be able to relate with me in a lot of ways and you have a string of past relationships in the background and baggage that you need to deal with. I personally don't think want to deal with that in my life because when you date someone you are dating a whole person with their faults, past and present decisions that have led them to where they are today. I can understand the kid thing BUT on the other hand you are a guy, you don't have a biological clock like women do. So again I wouldn't stress out about it. You are always better being in no relationship rather than a bad one. If things went the way I wanted I would have been married by now (2 years ago ideally)and started having kids so that I can have them all before I am 30 (I want 4 but not too close to each other but close enough). I don't want to be an old parent at all. But at this rate I will have to have kids in my 30s which for most people isn't old but since my parents had all of us before 30 (my mum anyway my dad was about 34) I consider it to be. Am I happy about it? Not really, especially when you see that a majority of people are in relationships that are headin towards marriage or are actually married but there's not a lot that can me done. Life never goes to plan or our timing. We just have to trust that God knows what is best for us and move from that.
  10. It's unfortunate but I do think that there is an element of luck when it comes to dating and finding a girlfriend/boyfriend. Some people are always dating whereas some haven't dated at all. The common advise that would normally be given is "stop looking" and "you'll find them when you stop looking" but honestly I feel that's BS so I'm not going to offer that as suitable advise. However the fact that you are stressing about it almost obsessively might be the issue here. I think even if you found someone, you may not be ready to enter a relationship with them because you're so desperate to find a girlfriend which honestly may scare her off and cause a lot of issues for you down the road. What you should be concentrating on is WHY do you want a girlfriend so badly and move from there. You'll realise that some of those needs can be met via other activities, things or people around you. The main benefits to having a girlfriend/boyfriend is to have someone to go through life, have kids and raise a family together (and sex too) with but there are issues as well like the fact that you lose your freedom which many people don't take advantage of when they are single. Also not having a girlfriend at this point in time (or until you meet a suitable person) isn't a bad thing at all, it means less relationship baggage and when you do find her, she'll be grateful about the lack of baggage that you have (at least I would be anyway lol). I can sympathise with the fact that you want to give up looking but I don't think that's the best way to phrase it. Think of it as a shift in priorities from looking for a girlfriend to focusing on other things with the girlfriend one at the back of your mind. If your main aim is to actively look for a girlfriend there is a chance that you may settle on things that are important to you and that isn't wise at all and in fact will get you into more trouble than when you didn't have a girlfriend. So I would encourage a shift in priorities rather than to stop looking all-together.
  11. Some people just aren't touchy feely or like hugs. I love hugs from friends and family regardless so unless I really didn't like someone (and if I'm playing games at someone's house, I clearly see them as a friend to a certain extent) I'd be cool with a hug. However in this case, it's either the girl doesn't like you yet or she doesn't like hugging people she's not in intimate relationships with. It doesn't mean that you've screwed up since that's pretty flimsy. However trying to read too much into one situation isn't wise either. I agree with @seabutterfly, not to give up but not to be too aggressive in pursuing her unless she gives you signals herself or you clarify by asking her explicitly and accepting that answer whether positive or negative.
  12. Favorite saint of purity

    I don't think it hurts God's feelings, but I could imaging God being perplexed at why people would pray to dead saints who have no power to actually do anything. By praying to them it elevates them to a "God-like" status which then starts to get close to idol-worship and that is unbiblical. I just think it's wrong to begin with. You're praying to people who can't actually help you. Only God can help you through any problems that you may face; not dead saints. Because that's all they are, dead people who lived holy lives. It's good to look at people's lives and see what they did right but they shouldn't be worshiped or prayed to because of it. We should be praying to the one who enabled them to make those decisions in the first place and that is God. Without him, we are nothing and that is the same for the dead saints.
  13. I know that for me I would still be waiting regardless of religion or not. I think personally those that successfully WTM faith isn't a strong enough motivator anymore. If it was then you wouldn't get the numbers of Christians for example who fall prey to having sex before marriage nowadays. In comparison, you will get more Christians speak out against about homosexuality or abortions and say this is against their religion because it is in the bible. We don't get nearly as many speaking out against fornication imo because so many are doing it. But they are all stated as sins in the same bible last time I checked So I personally think that successfully waiting until marriage stems more from a moral motivation in the sexualised society that we live in rather than religious. Faith is a motivator but ultimately it is down to the individual to actually carry it out and that tends to be for moral reasons. If religion/faith was strong enough in itself, we would have a lot more Christian waiters for example. But just to clarify and answer the question, I am waiting for both religious and moral reasons. I have no desire to have sex with anyone but my husband.
  14. Hi Everyone! Newbie from London, UK

    @Thomist Thanks! That's awesome to hear. Did you just come to London on holidays? Also welcome to the forum
  15. Long Engagements

    I think age might be a big factor for this one. If you're younger, then it probably makes sense to have a longer engagement. You need to make sure that you're thinking things through. Also time is on your side so you can. My parents were together for 5 years before they got married but my mum was 16 when they started dating so they needed to wait. However as you get older, having a long engagement might not be that wise. You know what you want in relationship so why waste time? That's not to say that you should rush into it by any means and if that means a long engagement then so be it. It's easier to break off an engagement than get divorced. At the moment depending on how much I am in contact with my boyfriend, I'd like to date for at least 2 years and then be engaged for at least 1. I don't see that changing however old I get since that's a minimum. But if you are waiting, a lot of people so tend to slip up during the engagement period because they see themselves as basically married. As long as you have self control then it's fine but why make things harder than they need to be? If you have no real reason for a long engagement then there isn't much point. If you feel like there are certain things that need to be worked out though then again, it's fine for it to be long. I don't think frowned upon is the right word, it's more like it's not seen as very wise if there are no special circumstances keeping you from getting married. What do you actually mean by this btw? It's bit confusing. Are you currently in a LDR? If that's the case then a long engagement would be fine if you haven't been in the same proximity as each other very much because that's a special circumstance and you definitely need to make sure that this has a chance of working out.