BlackRose

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About BlackRose

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  • Birthday April 24

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    London, UK
  • Interests
    Anime, Manga, PS4, Games, Kingdom Hearts, Rock Music, Melodic Metal, Post hardcore, J-pop, J-rock, K-pop

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  1. Wedding dress choice

    The tradition of wearing white on your wedding day actually came in due to Queen Victoria when she married Prince Albert, it was never a symbol of purity or virginity, that came in later. Also a lot of non-virgins wear white so it doesn't say anything about you nowadays sadly . It's up to you what colour you wear, it is your wedding day after all and it's your dress. The person who has the final say is you. Did you pick out the dress with your family? If they haven't contested against it then doesn't it show that it doesn't really matter what colour you're wearing? As long as you love it, who cares what other people think?! The only thing you need to worry about is looking your best on the day which I'm sure you will Congrats btw
  2. Waiting and Loneliness

    I agree and disagree. On one hand, yes our culture doesn't value friendships in the sense that the term can be thrown around so loosely. Most people that we call our friends are actually acquaintances. Not everyone is lucky to build those deep and meaningful friendships that we desire. Like myself for example, I've had to move schools a lot whereas my brother and sister haven't so much. As a result my friendships have been very short and when I try to reconnect with them they are very cold for some reason or another. These are not what you cal real relationships or friendships. My brother and sister have been able to reconnect with old friends and maintain friendships for almost 10 + years. This is the main reason why for myself I don't see a high value on friendships but I can see the benefit for others. However with that in mind you would place a higher value on marriage regardless and the companionship that it brings. Hence why ideally for me I would want to be friends with someone before considering embarking on a relationship with that person. My past experiences with people have made me very cautious and slow to trust people. On the other hand I do agree with the fact that if people did value friendship more, there wouldn't be a pressure to get married. But marriage is one of the only places that you are guanteed that deep connection that you crave physically. There are other ways but for most people it's the easiest place. Of course there is God but he's clearly created within us a need to connect with others on this planet. Otherwise we wouldn't complain and have times of loneliness. Okay that makes a bit more sense. Unfortunately, I think it depends on the Christian circles that you're in. The Christian Union that I went to while I was at uni was very clicky and even at Churches people tend to form groups just like schools, uni etc. I actually don't think that this would change much at all. I think what needs to change is the way we use the word friendship which had been cheapened with the increase of things like Facebook (friends), Twitter (followers) and Youtube (subscribers). It makes people feel that you have a lot of friends/support when really you don't. This is a partial reason for the increase in loneliness today. But you only require one spouse. Since the value of friendship has diminished, the value of marriage has increased so to speak. This is why people emphasis on finding the one, your soulmate because anyone can claim to be a "friend" but only one can be your partner for life. Real and true friendships and relationships are very hard to find nowadays. Being a waiter doesn't make it easier in this day and age and when you are a virgin waiter, that makes it even more difficult to find people who's values align with your own.
  3. Waiting and Loneliness

    @Skylark For me it's not about undervaluing friendships but just the fact that none of mine are that deep. They are rather peripheral so it's provided me with the aspect that friendships are rather unless unless they are deep which really happens over time. I can see how they are useful but when they chop and change so much it's impossible to see them as such. As a result I value family very highly and friendship not so much since friends have no real obligation to stay unless it's out of the goodness of their heart. I recognise that a spouse won't meet all of my relational needs either and same with my family. At the end of the day no-one can so we have to learn to be content with ourselves if we will ever have a real shot at dealing with our loneliness that comes up every now and again.
  4. Waiting and Loneliness

    It's a bit of a wierd cycle for me since a lot of the activities I do, watch animes, read manga, play games and go to concerts tend to be alone. I'm not in contact from really any of my friends from school or uni and the main time I interact with other people is when I go to convensions to cosplay (twice a year currently but I want to increase it) and see people there. I also work with my family and do church at home with my family so naturally, I am quite close with them. I think the aspect of loneliness would be much worse for me otherwise. I do tend to avoid romance media though to make the waiting easier since whenever I watch romance stuff, it just made it more irritating that I've been single all my life However, I will always choose being single over being in a bad relationship (hence why I haven't ever been in one). Another thing I do tend to do is to focus on God when I can although that does depend on my mood but realising that no matter what, he is always there is comforting. But again this tends to work for me since my friends have changed so much over the years that God is the only factor that has stayed constant in my life. I think though that loneliness is exasperated when you don't meet likeminded individuals that aren't your family. I do visit a church when my parents aren't in the country but they're still rather conservative in some of their views. Likewise the people at the cons that I connect with are too liberal with their views but I seem to have more in common with them with the difference of faith and other issues. I think if you have or an in an environment where you are surrounded by likeminded people, it makes it easier. Yes we can all turn to God but we need something physical, otherwise God would always be enough and we wouldn't have a desire to develop human relationships.
  5. Relational Comfort and Shaving Habits

    If a woman is comfortable in a relationship, then there is no real reason for them to shave anymore, hence the change in habit since they've gotten the guy. The same could be said for when the guy stops "romancing" their partner since they've gotten the girl. Comfort makes people lazy and with that comes a lack of wanting to shave/romancing their partner. Why wear make-up? Why wear nice clothes? They are all in the same boat. We do it to make ourselves look and feel attractive. Then as we feel more comfortable we feel that our personalities should keep you interested enough (that's not to say that ensuring you look good goes out of the window). As a relationship gets more serious you see the good the bad and the ugly, personality and lookswise (hence why getting married after a short amount of time is utter foolishness). At the start of any relationship, you are on your best behaviour and shaving I guess is a part of that. You want to look and act like the perfect partner at the start but it's not maintainable for some people. Over time it should be fine to slip into not shaving as often (not the overexaggeration in the pictures above) and it should boil down to the woman's choice - it is her body after all. These men sound shallow and entitled and honestly I would run several miles away from any of these men who think that women should shave for them . They sound like the type of guys who believe that sex is all about the guy getting pleasure and the woman should just sit back and enjoy it. I know you aren't discussing the choice thing but it does link in this part. It is a choice for women to shave. True love is about accepting a person at both their best (in this case, being shaved) and not their best (i.e. not shaved). The reason women grow resentful over it is because it suggests that they are only pretty when they do shave and when they don't, they're ugly. The guy is not accepting you in your natural state. It raises a lot of red flags. If they can't deal with you being unshaven, what about waking up next to you when you have morning breath and things like that. It You should be able to let loose around your partner, be lazy but he still says you're stunning. As for me, I've never dated or been in serious relationship but I wouldn't see it as an issue. I don't shave unless I want to which tends to be limited to summer months only and even then I wear mainly t-shirts that cover my underarms and I hate shorts If a guy I was dating saw it as an issue, that would raise a flag for me that he is rather superficial. I guess it is a sort of a test in a way. if that's all it takes for him to be unattracted to me then all I can say is "good riddance" . Being sexually active though takes a whole different spin on the shaving thing though. I'd still probably be the same unless I feel more attractive with shaved underarms and legs. I'd refuse to shave my pubic hairs though under any circumstances since I always associate fully shaved to porn/young girls which creeps me out like mad (I'd trim it though) . But I totally see why people shave at the start and become more relaxed about it as the relationship goes on, I'd probably be the same. Overall the change in habit it more about accepting the woman for who they are since becoming more comfortable in a relationship would enable that. Women want security in a relationship and that security has more of a foundation when they know that they are loved when they look their best and not so great.
  6. It's up to you whether you can accept it. If it was that important to you then you should have prodded him from the beginning. I always ask this from the onset since I know that it would bother me so much that I can no longer date them. It does concern me the these were hookups and not even actual relationships which would make me question how he values sex. He's also waited an entire year to tell you which is also unfair to you since you would develop feelings during this time which would make this decision much harder and is overall very selfish of him imo. If you will hold this against him you need to leave. Even if you think you can get over it is would still say leave to clear your head so that your feelings for him aren't clouding your judgement and that you make the right decision
  7. There are plenty of people like you. I have never had a boyfriend, been asked out/dated or kissed or anything close to that. It doesn't mean that you'll never get one though. Obsessing over it is going to make it harder and all the more disappointing when you don't get one. It's discouraging for sure but you have no baggage which is always going to be a plus. Having a lot of dating experience doesn't make you a better boyfriend/girlfriend, in fact it suggests that you don't know what you want in a person. Casual dating is unattractive to me. I'd personally be put off someone who's had a lot of dating experience since you're not going to be able to relate with me in a lot of ways and you have a string of past relationships in the background and baggage that you need to deal with. I personally don't think want to deal with that in my life because when you date someone you are dating a whole person with their faults, past and present decisions that have led them to where they are today. I can understand the kid thing BUT on the other hand you are a guy, you don't have a biological clock like women do. So again I wouldn't stress out about it. You are always better being in no relationship rather than a bad one. If things went the way I wanted I would have been married by now (2 years ago ideally)and started having kids so that I can have them all before I am 30 (I want 4 but not too close to each other but close enough). I don't want to be an old parent at all. But at this rate I will have to have kids in my 30s which for most people isn't old but since my parents had all of us before 30 (my mum anyway my dad was about 34) I consider it to be. Am I happy about it? Not really, especially when you see that a majority of people are in relationships that are headin towards marriage or are actually married but there's not a lot that can me done. Life never goes to plan or our timing. We just have to trust that God knows what is best for us and move from that.
  8. It's unfortunate but I do think that there is an element of luck when it comes to dating and finding a girlfriend/boyfriend. Some people are always dating whereas some haven't dated at all. The common advise that would normally be given is "stop looking" and "you'll find them when you stop looking" but honestly I feel that's BS so I'm not going to offer that as suitable advise. However the fact that you are stressing about it almost obsessively might be the issue here. I think even if you found someone, you may not be ready to enter a relationship with them because you're so desperate to find a girlfriend which honestly may scare her off and cause a lot of issues for you down the road. What you should be concentrating on is WHY do you want a girlfriend so badly and move from there. You'll realise that some of those needs can be met via other activities, things or people around you. The main benefits to having a girlfriend/boyfriend is to have someone to go through life, have kids and raise a family together (and sex too) with but there are issues as well like the fact that you lose your freedom which many people don't take advantage of when they are single. Also not having a girlfriend at this point in time (or until you meet a suitable person) isn't a bad thing at all, it means less relationship baggage and when you do find her, she'll be grateful about the lack of baggage that you have (at least I would be anyway lol). I can sympathise with the fact that you want to give up looking but I don't think that's the best way to phrase it. Think of it as a shift in priorities from looking for a girlfriend to focusing on other things with the girlfriend one at the back of your mind. If your main aim is to actively look for a girlfriend there is a chance that you may settle on things that are important to you and that isn't wise at all and in fact will get you into more trouble than when you didn't have a girlfriend. So I would encourage a shift in priorities rather than to stop looking all-together.
  9. Some people just aren't touchy feely or like hugs. I love hugs from friends and family regardless so unless I really didn't like someone (and if I'm playing games at someone's house, I clearly see them as a friend to a certain extent) I'd be cool with a hug. However in this case, it's either the girl doesn't like you yet or she doesn't like hugging people she's not in intimate relationships with. It doesn't mean that you've screwed up since that's pretty flimsy. However trying to read too much into one situation isn't wise either. I agree with @seabutterfly, not to give up but not to be too aggressive in pursuing her unless she gives you signals herself or you clarify by asking her explicitly and accepting that answer whether positive or negative.
  10. Favorite saint of purity

    I don't think it hurts God's feelings, but I could imaging God being perplexed at why people would pray to dead saints who have no power to actually do anything. By praying to them it elevates them to a "God-like" status which then starts to get close to idol-worship and that is unbiblical. I just think it's wrong to begin with. You're praying to people who can't actually help you. Only God can help you through any problems that you may face; not dead saints. Because that's all they are, dead people who lived holy lives. It's good to look at people's lives and see what they did right but they shouldn't be worshiped or prayed to because of it. We should be praying to the one who enabled them to make those decisions in the first place and that is God. Without him, we are nothing and that is the same for the dead saints.
  11. I know that for me I would still be waiting regardless of religion or not. I think personally those that successfully WTM faith isn't a strong enough motivator anymore. If it was then you wouldn't get the numbers of Christians for example who fall prey to having sex before marriage nowadays. In comparison, you will get more Christians speak out against about homosexuality or abortions and say this is against their religion because it is in the bible. We don't get nearly as many speaking out against fornication imo because so many are doing it. But they are all stated as sins in the same bible last time I checked So I personally think that successfully waiting until marriage stems more from a moral motivation in the sexualised society that we live in rather than religious. Faith is a motivator but ultimately it is down to the individual to actually carry it out and that tends to be for moral reasons. If religion/faith was strong enough in itself, we would have a lot more Christian waiters for example. But just to clarify and answer the question, I am waiting for both religious and moral reasons. I have no desire to have sex with anyone but my husband.
  12. Hi Everyone! Newbie from London, UK

    @Thomist Thanks! That's awesome to hear. Did you just come to London on holidays? Also welcome to the forum
  13. Long Engagements

    I think age might be a big factor for this one. If you're younger, then it probably makes sense to have a longer engagement. You need to make sure that you're thinking things through. Also time is on your side so you can. My parents were together for 5 years before they got married but my mum was 16 when they started dating so they needed to wait. However as you get older, having a long engagement might not be that wise. You know what you want in relationship so why waste time? That's not to say that you should rush into it by any means and if that means a long engagement then so be it. It's easier to break off an engagement than get divorced. At the moment depending on how much I am in contact with my boyfriend, I'd like to date for at least 2 years and then be engaged for at least 1. I don't see that changing however old I get since that's a minimum. But if you are waiting, a lot of people so tend to slip up during the engagement period because they see themselves as basically married. As long as you have self control then it's fine but why make things harder than they need to be? If you have no real reason for a long engagement then there isn't much point. If you feel like there are certain things that need to be worked out though then again, it's fine for it to be long. I don't think frowned upon is the right word, it's more like it's not seen as very wise if there are no special circumstances keeping you from getting married. What do you actually mean by this btw? It's bit confusing. Are you currently in a LDR? If that's the case then a long engagement would be fine if you haven't been in the same proximity as each other very much because that's a special circumstance and you definitely need to make sure that this has a chance of working out.
  14. Finding someone from church

    Honestly, I don't think many people meet in Churches anymore due to the complications and politics behind it if the relationship goes wrong. If you aren't willing to switch churches then it's probably best to just going to events and seeing whether or not you meet people. That's what I'm doing since I don't go to an actual church, I do church at home with my family so I have to make the extra effort to meet people. I attend comic cons and both Christian and non-Christian rock concerts. That being said, now that my parents are travelling a lot more, there is a Church we do attend on the occasion but it's not to meet someone to date but to make friends - this should be your first aim and dating second. But going to Church just to meet someone isn't the right thing to do and will often lead to disappointment. I used to be like that when going to events and it just became very disheartening so I now go to Church and events for myself, meeting people is the icing on the cake. If your Church is fine with regards to their doctrine and principles then there should be no real reason to move imo (unless everyone is very old - then you may need to move to one with a younger crowd). I'm appalled at these women though who would go onto a site just to date "nice guy". It's people like this who give these sites a bad rep and why you have to be so cautious online nowadays because it's so easy to lie online Anyway hope that this helps and all the best
  15. Long-distance relationship?

    I wouldn't and couldn't mainly because of my circumstances. I work in a family business and eventually my brother, sister and I will take it over from our parents. As a result in order for a long distance relationship to work, they would need to be planning to come to live in London, UK at some point or there's no point in us getting involved in anything at all. I don't have feelings or time to waste and I certainly wouldn't want to waste their time either. If it's something that you can do and your lifestyle is flexible enough to accommodate to that, then I'd say go for it. More and more people are getting involved in long distance relationships and honestly, if it wasn't for that restriction, I'd probably consider it since it does widen the scope of people to date/marry. But it certainly is more work and I always try to work smarter, not harder but the best thing to do would be to pray about it if that situation does ever come up