BlackRose

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About BlackRose

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  • Birthday April 24

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    London, UK
  • Interests
    Anime, Manga, PS4, Games, Kingdom Hearts, Rock Music, Melodic Metal, Post hardcore, J-pop, J-rock, K-pop

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  1. Your Dream Guy !!

    Pretty much the same - my only difference would be that he is much calmer than I am. I can flare up very quickly and have a bit of a temper (kinda got it from my maternal side) so he would need to be much more chilled than I am. Otherwise we will just fight all the time and that's definitely not going to work lol. As for hot...I've never had a crush on anyone in my life so I dunno about looks but I also believe that the more I got to know a guy, the more attractive they would probably be to me - I guess. The main psychical things is that they are tall - but not too tall (I'm 5 ft 1 so rather short). If they are on the short side then they would need to have tall people in their family - I don't want super short kids lol but whatever happens happens haha
  2. Does it matter?

    @Amarillo This discussion could go on forever and we probably won't reach a conclusion since to me you come across as rather sexist and maybe to you I come across a bit feminist so we're clashing heavily here since we are attacking something from different viewpoints. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this topic - I don't agree with anything that you've said but we've derailed the original discussion of this thread and honestly, I have better things to do and more important topics to discuss.
  3. Howdy!

    Hi there MikeyD - Welcome to the forum As for your reasons for joining, is it to find out more about others including or excluding yourself? If it's excluding yourself - what do you believe are the main reasons people wait? If it's including yourself - what is the main reason that you are waiting? Sorry I'm a bit confused by your post lol
  4. This will then probably be my last comment to you in this post. Your fatal flaw here is that you want to meet girls so badly. FORGET ABOUT IT. Focus on other things. All the advice seems to conveniently not work so maybe it's you who is the problem. Becoming friends with girls may not have introduced me to new guys BUT I have valuable friendships that I wouldn't change for anything. Being focused on only getting a girlfriend is a sad way to live - you miss out on so much that the world has to offer. You should really only get into a relationship if you are happy with yourself. I would have to say that maybe you should forget meeting people and work critically on yourself. Besides God will only bring you your spouse if: A) You are supposed to have one B) You are ready If either one or both don't apply - you will not be getting a girlfriend/wife anytime soon.
  5. Does it matter?

    @Skald The info is interesting BUT you also missed the fact that I believe divorce for the reasons above/in the articles are petty, ignorant and stupid so they are kind of irrelevant because I don't believe you should be divorcing simply for falling out of love. I don't respect any woman or man divorcing for those reasons. They are wishy-washy reasons and if you can divorce based on those reasons, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. You chose to stay in love, love is a choice - not an emotion and many people forget that. In my opinion the reason you should get divorced are ONLY if you have an affair or there is any type of abuse. Secondly I'll expand a bit more. Men before getting married tend to get women pregnant and leave them for the next best thing. Within marriage (and outside of marriage) men have been proven to be more likely to cheat (and get caught for it. Women also cheat but are less likely to get caught so this make the numbers vary as well). They are essentially the ones that "leave" the relationship first whether emotionally, physically, sexually and provide the gateway for divorce. So the fact the women are more likely to initiate the divorce on the grounds of an affair seems fine and would contribute to those high numbers. After an affair - if the innocent party does not want to stay, they should NEVER be forced to. Now in the article below http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/are-we-meant-to-be-monogamous-why-people-cheat-open-relationships-and-life-after-an-affair-10097811.html It's things like this I am interested in to be honest. Some people can make it work and some can't. Figures will always vary for these types of things but I am one of those people that cannot and will not stick around after an affair. God forbid my husband decided to step out of our marriage in any way, shape or form - I will divorce him so quickly and that is a fact. Especially if we have both waited until we were married, I feel like stepping is so disrespectful - there's no real way to come back from that. Especially if my husband has sex with their mistress and then with me - I see that as disgusting. There is forgiveness but there are also different levels of tolerance that we as people have and I tend to see people who have the ability to cheat/ have an affairs/ commit adultery abhorrent. They should not be in relationships - both male and female since they clearly cannot commit.
  6. Does it matter?

    @Amarillo Yes God does hate divorce but it is due to the sinfulness of man that divorce had to be introduced in the first place. The biblical reasons for divorce is ADULTERY/INFIDELITY - NOT FORNICATION. Please get that correct. If you are going to sit there and tell me that a man can cheat on his wife or vice versa and they are not entitled to a divorce then we will have to agree to disagree on this point. There is nothing you can say or do to convince me and I believe that it is a very backward and selfish way of thinking. I would never divorce my husband but I believe if a spouse cheats, is emotionally, financial or physically abusive, those are all reasonable grounds for divorce as well as reasons why I would divorce my own husband (God forbid that from ever happening). Divorcing on petty disagreements is silly but the above are very serious matters and no-one should be force to stay in an environment like that, especially when it is hazardous to their health and puts their life in danger. Cheating is one of the things I will not tolerate - I personally think cheaters are despicable people. Personally if you believe these are not good enough reasons for divorce then we really have nothing more to say on this matter because I think that is ridiculous. I have an issue with the phrase - "women who strayed" - What about the MEN that LEAVE their wives which tends to be the case more often than not. Most of the time it's the men who abandon women. They have sex with them and then vanish once they get pregnant or cheat on them and leave their wife for their mistress/girlfriend whatever. You seem to be placing blame on the woman. If men actually bucked up and supported women in the way that they should - we wouldn't have this mess. But if we have men with your viewpoint not willing to help women and just see them as baby making machines then we are going to keep having the issues that we have today. A lot of women aren't given a choice. Now possibly your lifestyle and upbringing have lead to your views as have mine. As mentioned in a previous thread, you came from a much poorer background (than probably myself) so traditionalist value are more true to you. For myself that's not the case. I think if a woman get get an education - she should. If a woman can get a job she should. We are not in the days where women sit around and wait to get married. Why? A lot of women get married later - there's not enough men to go around - there are so many reasons. IF AND ONLY IF a woman WANTS to be a stay-at-home wife and they get fulfilment in that then good on them. But it's not practical nowadays and personally to have a good standard of living - both parents must work unless the guy earns a heck of a lot of money. "You'll either earn, or have children that will destroy your ability to make cash in 9 month cycles. " - This is because we live in a society that doesn't support working women with families and forces them to make that sort of choice which again is not practical nowadays. That's one of the reasons my parents started a business together so my mum could work at home and look after us which I agree has been really great and because I work with my parents now is also something that I can do in my own life but that's not possible for a lot of women. Looking down on women who want to get a degree or better their lives for their spouse or children - as long as that doesn't become their God of their life, I think this should be fine. However finding a wife with your traditional values will be hard nowadays unless they want this in their own life - this ideology would have me running straight for the hills. Even if they were a virgin and we matched on a lot of things - this would be a deal breaker because I would unfortunately see the guy as very close-minded.
  7. You can't force people to befriend you - If they don't want to talk to you then find some other people to talk to. However if no-one is responding then maybe it's the way that you are approaching people that is putting them off. Or maybe the topics you tried to talk to them about weren't engaging enough? Sometimes we have to look critically at ourselves and face some truths. I would suggest stop talking to girls - strengthen your relationships with the guys in your church and then maybe they can introduce you to some girls. Possibly the girls might see you as desperate if you are only talking to them to get a girlfriend and that pushes them away faster than you can blink.
  8. Does it matter?

    @Amarillo I see, I'm sorry to hear that happened - that sounds awful but glad that you've come through it all okay. I guess I can see where you're coming from now for the uni thing. The secondary (middle/high school) I went to had about 80% or people attend Russell group universities, hence why it's a requirement for me. However if that wasn't the norm where you lived then this requirement would seem odd. I kinda disagree with a woman wanting to live a traditional lifestyle not to have a degree of some sort therefore. If (God forbid) it all goes pair shaped and she gets a divorce, it's best if she has something stable to fall back on. Nice to hear that you're a family orientated person too, it's rare to hear that from people nowadays since my family is important to me too.
  9. How do you know if he/she is the one?

    I don't believe in the one personally - I believe that there are several people who you could make it work with. Some make it easier and some make it harder but ultimately I feel like the fact that people are searching for "the one" is wrong. There are key features that we should look for like faith, fundamentals like how to run a family/home and how someone deals with money etc. Those will let us know if they person is compatible with us and the more compatible in the fundamental areas, the better the chance of a relationship working long term. The video below clarifies my point a bit better than I could haha.
  10. I personally feel like this is a bit of a loaded post - trying to push the blame on someone else as to why you might not have a girlfriend. Firstly don't see it as isolation - it's more of the fact that people tend to hang around the gender that they are more comfortable with. That's normal. Secondly, if there isn't an opening - create one, it's as simple as that. You can't just say - because there isn't a "opening" I can't talk to her? Surely there must be times where she is on her own - try talking to her then. I believe that if a guy really likes a girl, he will pursue her - otherwise I would question how much he likes her. My suggestion would be to try and be her friend first and then go from there. Thirdly - I have an issue with the line: "don't they want husbands?" You could very easily flip it and say "How about don't men want wives?" The problem sometimes in the church today is that some men either don't want to take the risk of asking someone out in church for fear of rejection and gossip OR they lack the courage to do so. As singles, women especially are told to embrace their singleness and focus on friendships and other relationships - not just be on the lookout for guys who could be potential husbands and let that take their focus away from God. However due to the fear of gossip, some women may not date men at their church in case it goes wrong. There are many issues it seems and the list varies from person to person - but to generalise that those women don't want husbands is wrong too. If church is the only place where you meet people and the segregation between genders continues then maybe you need to find another church. However going to church for the sole purpose of finding a girlfriend will leave you disappointed if it doesn't happen which seems to be the case. Not everyone meets their spouse at church - it's ideal but not likely. My parents met at uni - others meet at work (neither are options for me since I work with my parents and I'm no longer at uni). My suggestion would be to find other places to go to with an open mind. I tend to go to Comic Cons and rock concerts to meet other people with interests similar to myself - maybe I'll meet someone there and maybe not but at least I'm having fun while doing so. Focus on making friends instead of finding a girlfriend. I would prefer to go out with someone that I am friends because I've already gotten to know them to a certain level and that would build trust.
  11. I have heard the definition where if you think about sex you are no longer a virgin which I do find a tad problematic. I agree that people are entitled to their own opinions. I've built mine based on the contradictions that the mainstream definition brings so really I would be looking for someone on the same wavelength as me on this topic otherwise the relationship wouldn't work and there would be no further discussion to be had with that person. How long it takes me to find them/them to find me (or God to allow our paths to cross) is another matter lol
  12. Does it matter?

    I've always been told I have a long list so nothing new tbh haha. I said "ideally" well to do. This includes family and upbringing. Of course this one though isn't as much of a deal breakers at all. What's more important is how they handle money. If they're wealthy but can't handle money well - that's no good at all lol. With wealth, there are other things to take into account and I would see it as part of a whole package - I'm not just looking for someone who earns X amount of money. Is what the norm? I don't quite get this part. Going to uni where I grew up is pretty much assumed unless stated otherwise so dating someone who hasn't is rather a stretch (unless I've missunderstood in which case please elaborate). I agree that it is difficult to find any of those things. However I've found those qualities in my female friends, I would want something that makes this man different hence liking anime/manga and music would be highly preferred otherwise I might as well just hang out with them all my life and not get married haha. I feel automatically closer to people who have similar interests to me so that for me is important. Otherwise he's gonna have to really convince me why I should date him if we don't have anything in common apart from Christian, chaste and correct age bracket. The reason for 4 years is mainly because my parents are 4 years apart. My mum is 47 and my dad is 51 so I kinda feel like heading to mid-30s is a bit old for me. The oldest I would probably go for is 30 and that for me is REALLY pushing it. Weebs for the win though
  13. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    I think if it's something you can handle (marrying a non-waiter) then that's completely fine. I had a discussion with a few of my friends who would be fine with it but I flat out said no way. I don't have any issues asking about it while I'm getting to know someone who has potential but I'm not sure about. Since I like to start out as friends anyway , I tend to get to know them a bit and then throw out a couple of questions about their views on sex before marriage and if it's something they've struggled with. Luckily the guys I've asked have all been very honest and said they weren't virgins but that's a turn off for me. Even if they regret it, I would almost find it disgusting that they've done something so intimate with someone and then they would come and so that same thing with me. It's no longer special. I think deep down that's the romantic in me - I want that exclusivity of us losing it to each other. For me that's something that would build intimacy and trust (since I don't tend to trust people easily - I think it's something that is earnt, not freely given). I'm not at a point where I could compromise on it at all. So I just let them know that if they are after a relationship - they're out of luck with me. I agree - I think it shows the "good girl" to be very naive too and emphasises on the idea of finding "the one" which I don't believe in btw. Nor do I believe in "love at first sight". I do believe in "lust at first sight" though. The way I see it is that the guy is lusting after this "good girl" and since he knows how to get any girl to fall for him, he's able to seduce her in such a way that the girl believes that this player is "the one" for her. It isn't romantic at all, I find it quite a manipulative situation tbh since they always show her to be so naive and even more so for falling for him and his tricks. Haha I used to love romance stuff but as time went on the stories became rather cliche and I became rather cynical towards them since I haven't experienced anything even close to that (never has a boyfriend or dated). It almost makes me see romance as fiction. But then I look at my parents who have been together for almost 25 years and think - there must be something. But for now I stay away from romance tags. If romance it a secondary or even tertiary part of the plot, I think it can be done well but as the main aspect of the story, not so much.
  14. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    ^^^ This and other things is why I stay away from romance tagged stories or animes. They irritate the hell out of me. What also gets on my nerves is that they'll always introduce a vicious ex who intimidates the "good girl" about how she's been with the guy and that he'll eventually go back to her in some way shape or form. Like I honestly couldn't care less if he wishes he hasn't been with anyone else but the virgin girl in question - to me they will always look like a guy who wanted to have their cake and eat it and I have no respect for people like that. It's a massive turnoff and on of the many reasons why I could never marry a non-virgin.
  15. Hi there and welcome I would like to get your thoughts on the points below: 1. So what about anal and oral sex? They both have the word sex in them so how is it that doing both of these could still allow you to call yourself a "virgin?" In my opinion, it's a bit ridiculous when people say I've done X, Y and Z but I'm still a virgin. The best that you can really call yourself is virgin* 2. What about the gay or lesbian people who end up only having sex with people of the same gender. (I mentioned this in my previous post) Those people would say they have lost their virginities when they've had anal or oral sex so to limit it to penis in vagina is a technicality and an advantage that straight people have over gay and lesbian people. By accepting that the only way to lose your virginity is via penis in vagina sex then according to that definition - there are a lot of gay and lesbian people who are still virgins. If you talked to them, they would definitely not say that they are virgins and that they lost it doing X, Y or Z. I agree with consent being a part or the definition but my main issue with limiting virginity to PIV sex is as described above. Personally my definition of a non-virgin is much wider than that (anything that includes genital touching/stimulation of another person or an activity with another person that pushes you to orgasm with them). However I am not demanding something I have not adhered to myself and would not be willing to be with someone who has done those things due to the lack of exclusivity that this would bring into marriage with my future spouse.