Innocence

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About Innocence

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  • Birthday 03/21/1988

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    Female
  • Location
    USA
  • Interests
    Outdoor activities (such as camping, hiking, biking, and many more), performing arts, music, ballroom and Latin dancing, organic food
  1. I think the first thing you should figure out is what your definition of virginity is. If it is the dictionary definition, then yes, you can still consider yourself a virgin because you haven't had actual intercourse yet. If you think a person loses his or her virginity when they engage in other intimate acts that isn't actual sex, then unfortunately you wouldn't be able to call yourself a virgin anymore. I am a very technical person, and so from my own personal perspective, I would still see you as a virgin. I personally feel like dictionary definitions become useless when people start adding on additional meanings of what a word is to them. If people made up their own interpretations of words, despite what the dictionary defines them as, then language and communication as we know it would cease because there are no agreed upon meanings of words anymore, and that is essential for proper communication. But I digress. I think you could still call yourself a virgin, but with purity that has been compromised. From my perspective, engaging in other intimate acts that are not actual sex does not constitute a loss of virginity, but it does constitute a reduction in purity. But here's the encouraging part: you still have purity left . You still have the purity of inexperience with actual intercourse that you still can save for your spouse! I'm a Christian, and the way I see it is that actual sex is the physical act (in addition to the spiritual act of the marriage vows before God) that makes a couple become "one" (I mean, without getting too graphic, if you think about it, the man's and woman's part were designed for such a fit). You still haven't done that, and that is something to be thankful for! So while you've done the "other stuff", you still have that most important intimate act for her . (And by the way, even though all of us should still avoid doing the "other stuff" to maintain our purity, I do commend you that despite going as far as you did, that you were still able to stay strong and hold back from taking that final step, especially in the heat of the moment which I'm sure is very hard for men.) Ultimately, I think you should focus on being thankful for what you still do have, rather than what you don't have, and that might help you to feel better about yourself. This mindset might also help with any girl you meet who's done things similar to what you've done. If you can view things from the perspective that (if she also has done "everything but") she still has something saved for her future husband, then that might help you to be accepting of her. I do agree with Vince in that whatever standard you set for others, you must also set for yourself. So if you can't accept a girl who's gone beyond kissing, for example, then you shouldn't expect the girl to accept that you've gone further than kissing. I also don't think it's fair to "demand" that the girl absolutely must have a past that is less than yours. Since you say that, "my mate having a past is still something I can't handle emotionally," think of what your mate will have to handle when she learns of your past. If you meet a girl who has a past like yours and are worried that you can't handle it emotionally (perhaps because of worry that she'll compare, or perhaps because you'll imagine what she did with the other guy), here's something you can try because this is a mindset that I tried to have since, as a virgin, I have dated non virgin guys before. When I was with these men, and when I learned of how many girlfriends they've had and some of the things they did with them, I naturally worried about how I would compare. So what I tried to do is figure out in my head what I could do as a wife if we were to get married that would outdo whatever these other girls did with my man. That way, there would be no comparison since I would be his best. I don't know if this will help you or not, but I just thought I'd mention it since that "outdoing" sort of mindset was what I used for certain things back when I used to date non virgin men. Best wishes in your search for "the one"!
  2. New Members-Girls Only

    Welcome PinkGnomie13! Happy to have you here
  3. @HeWhoWaits Yes, it is true that the couple in a long distance relationship should try to make arrangements to be in the same place. I'm not saying that a couple should perpetually be in a long distance relationship all their life. But just because they may not be able to be together regularly for a few years, doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed to fail, as you made it sound in your first post (see Vince's example of how his parents successfully held together a 3 year long distance relationship). Another example I just happened to remember is with a professor I had in college. She is from South Korea and her husband is also South Korean. He lives and works in South Korea, and she works in the United States. She once said that she has been in the States for the past few years (I think she said 3, if I remember correctly) and has only been able to visit her husband once or twice each year. She also said that they have been married 26 years. I was amazed that she and her husband were able to do that, and so this is just another example of how a long distance relationship can be successful. And in my own relationships, yes, there eventually was relocation on my part to be in the same cities as my boyfriends. The long distance part came first with both my boyfriends and the local part followed later. With one of my relationships, the long distance part lasted almost 2 years, one of which was spent with him being halfway around the world in Kuwait and during that time I only saw him twice within that year. But we made the long distance part of our relationship work, and so that is why I personally don't see long distance relationships in such a negative view. Like I said in the beginning of the above paragraph, I don't think long distance relationships should be the only type of relationship a couple experiences, physical time together is important, but I will venture to guess that many people, when they think of long distance relationships, expect that it's not a forever sort of thing. Sure, if there is absolutely NO physical time together ever, then yes, it probably has a high chance of failure. In my post before this one, I did say... I believe that experiencing both types of relationships (the long distance and the local) with the person you're with will allow you to experience that person and learn about him or her in different ways that if you just did one or the other. Thank you for sharing that video! What a sweet and romantic love story! I really enjoyed watching it.
  4. @HeWhoWaits I ask simply out of curiosity as to how everyone on here feels about long distance relationships. I personally feel that we will end up waiting forever if we limit ourselves to just searching for like-minded people in our local area. And yes, all the relationships I have ever been in have been long distance ones for the majority of the time. As a matter of fact, the relationships were more successful when they were long distance than when they eventually became local. I say this in the sense that the relationships were able to grow faster during the time that distance was involved because, as Invincible said, greater emotional intimacy was achieved. You fall in love faster and deeper, and there's a stronger connection between the two people in a shorter amount of time. Since I have experienced both sides (the long distance and the local), I will say the feelings are totally different. I know you say that physical time together is crucial, and I agree with you, to a point. But the basis of a relationship should never be the physical connection, it should be the emotional and spiritual connection. Long distance relationships put the focus on that because there is no way for physical time together to happen on a regular basis. Furthermore, long distance relationships will actually ENHANCE the quality of the of the physical time together, whenever it does happen, because the couple will cherish every moment in each other's arms. In a local relationship, it is much easier for the couple to take the physical time for granted because it is so much more readily available. Also, I've noticed from my own experience that when my relationships were local, there was much less sharing of thoughts, feelings, etc. because the focus was either on the physical aspects of cuddling, for example, or on whatever activity was planned for the date. Communication was not at the forefront, like it is in long distance relationships. I'm not saying that one should never have local relationships, but I do personally think a relationship that experiences both types is a stronger, and more lasting relationship. Now let me ask you the same question. Have you been in long distance relationships before? If so, what's been your experience?
  5. @Invincible Those are GREAT reasons for favoring a long distance relationship! As someone who's been in some myself, I can personally say that I've experienced almost all of those 6 things you listed. Thank you for describing them so eloquently . And don't worry, you're not alone in reason #6 . I've had family strongly disagree about one of my relationships before, and that just brought me in closer solidarity with my boyfriend and it did feel quite romantic to know that we were together against the odds. It fostered emotional closeness and it definitely tested our resolve to be with each other in the face of adversity. Thank you so much, Vince, for sharing your parents' story!!! WHAT AN AMAZING STORY OF DEVOTION!!! I'm sure it must have been ten times harder to cultivate a long distance relationship back in your parents' time with only handwritten letters to rely on. The fact that your parents did that for 3 years successfully to where the relationship culminated into a lasting marriage is truly remarkable. Thank you again for sharing that! P.S. And thank you for writing the "entire Library of Congress worth of books" . The content you included was well worth the length.
  6. New Members-Girls Only

    Welcome to the forum! This is definitely the place to be for support in your decision to wait. I hope you find this place as encouraging as I have!
  7. Hi everyone! Since I know that most of us on here are WTM, I know how that tends to make it much more difficult for us to find someone in our circle of friends who is a potential spouse. Therefore, I have been wondering how many of you, if you found someone online who you really liked and who met all of your requirements for a husband or wife, but happened to live far away, would you be interested in having a long distance relationship with that person? Why or why not?
  8. Music and the great controversy

    As a classically trained singer with a degree in music, I had to comment about this. This is not the first time I have come across the viewpoint that rhythm, and its role in music, affects the spirituality of a song. My very first voice teacher, who also happened to be the son of a preacher, once gave me a cassette tape series he made on the role and hierarchy of melody, harmony, and rhythm (the three main components of music). In this series, he explained that melody appeals to one's spirit, harmony to one's soul, and rhythm to one's flesh. As Christians, we are to make our fleshly, carnal side subject to the Spirit, so that we can walk according to the Spirit's leading (Galatians 5:16-17). In a similar manner, because the three elements of music appeal to the spirit, soul, and flesh, my voice teacher, in his message, said that music should also reflect the proper subordination and hierarchy of its various elements so that as we listen to it, our spirit is kept in control and not cast aside by the dominance of the flesh. Therefore, he said that melody ought to be the main element that presides in a song and thus should be the first thing that the listener notices. Next, he said that harmony needs be the second element that the listener should notice since it ought to be in subordination to the melody. Finally, he said that rhythm should be the last thing to be noticed in a song because it is subordinate to both the melody and harmony. Now, just because rhythm appeals to the flesh doesn't mean it's bad and needs to be nonexistent in music. Just like God allows the Spirit to dwell in a physical body, so can melody dwell within a rhythmic framework. As a matter of fact, music NEEDS rhythm in order to maintain structure. The problem occurs when the rhythm, or harmony, supersede the place of the melody and become the foremost thing that the listener hears. Here is an article that I found that further explains these concepts that perhaps you might enjoy reading: http://www.wholesomewords.org/resources/music.html
  9. Since you are having a difficult time meeting girls in your local area that share similar interests as you, here are 2 suggestions I have: 1. Because your interests are not interests that most girls, generally speaking, would share, you might want to consider going to places and doing things that you know girls would have an interest in. Some typical interests that girls have are movies, pop music, dancing, some recreational sports, cooking, board games, and clothing. So perhaps if you started to develop interests in some of these areas, then you might start to have more things in common with girls in general. Who knows, once you are able to talk to girls about their interests, you might then be able to get them curious about YOUR interests . Perhaps eventually your hobbies will become THEIR hobbies. But I think there will need to be some give and take on both sides.... You will need to be open to doing things your girl enjoys doing, and she will need to be open to doing things you enjoy doing. 2. If you can't find local girls that are into the things you like, then perhaps you should expand your dating pool by considering long distance relationships with girls online. That way, you might be able to find girls with the same hobbies as you because you've now broadened your search area outside of just your local town. Girls that share your interests are out there, but they are not going to be so common that you can just expect to run into them at the next street corner. So I would suggest online dating, and you might find it easier to locate girls' profiles that would be a good match for you. Since you are a Christian, don't forget to also continue seeking God in prayer and asking Him to bring you the right girl for you . One more thing I would like to add is this. Since you say that you are pretty shy, I encourage you to start working on becoming more bold in taking initiative with relationships. Unless the girl is very forward, many girls will be waiting for you to make the first move to start a relationship. I think it's just a natural thing for us girls to want to be pursued, not be the ones pursuing. I hope these suggestions help!
  10. I am so glad you agree! I have always believed forgiveness to be letting go of the anger and resentment I have towards someone who has wronged me. But so many people in my circle of friends have equated forgiveness as NOT being HURT over the person's sexual past and thus looking past it and being able to move forward in a relationship with the person. People tell me that forgiving also means forgetting, and I argue that those are not one and the same. I believe I have been able to forgive my boyfriends for what they've done, but I've been so hurt by it that I can't forget what they've done. So it's mostly others that have made me feel like I have to be accepting of every possible wrongdoing people can do in order to be truly considered forgiving.
  11. I can understand exactly where you're coming from. Although I personally would be a little more relaxed than you in accepting to be with someone who's done "the other stuff", I would not be able to accept being with someone who has nothing left saved for me. I would still acknowledge the fact that if he were to have done "the other stuff" but still kept himself from having actual intercourse, then I could see that as still saving himself for his wife in some way (even though I do think we should strive to save ourselves for our spouse in more than just that one area of actual intercourse). I know the pain you are referring to. For the longest time I tried to accept the sexual pasts of the boyfriends I've had because everyone would say that was "the forgiving, Christian thing to do." But no matter how much I tried (and due to some other things that happened in the relationships that just made their sexual pasts even harder to overlook), I just couldn't get past the pain of the images I had in my mind of them having sex with other people. As nice as it would be to be as accepting as Christ is, especially when the person is repentant, I'm human and still struggle with overlooking stuff like that
  12. A godly home- Paul Washer

    Thank you! I chose that pseudo because it reflects who I am in various areas of life I had never heard of Paul Washer until your post, but after hearing his preaching, I do agree with you that much of what he says is Biblical, save for a minor thing here and there. His videos, I think, should be a must-see for any couple desiring to get married!
  13. I am SO sorry you had to experience that, PhotoGirl . No one should ever have to go through that, especially at such a young age. I sympathize with your situation and I can totally understand how you feel regarding the redefining of virginity. Perhaps one day it could be redefined as CONSENSUAL P-in-V intercourse.
  14. That makes sense. I do agree with you that purity and virginity are different. I tend to think of virginity when it refers to the physical only. I personally would not refer to keeping pure thoughts or having a strong commitment to abstain as maintaining one's virginity, but rather as maintaining purity of mind and heart. And while they do go hand in hand, you said it perfectly when you stated, "Giving away one's virginity is simply a physical manifestation of violating one's own purity."
  15. A godly home- Paul Washer

    Thank you so much for posting these videos!!! Destroying Pop Christian Views of Marital Bliss was an EXCELLENT eye-opener on the role of the husband and wife and the overall purpose of marriage. I was truly blessed from listening to these .