SG1

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Posts posted by SG1


  1. On 11/8/2015 at 4:35 AM, CrystalFaerie said:

    I like where I live, but given the chance, I would move to Sweden. I love the language, the culture, the scenery, everything.

    On 11/8/2015 at 4:35 AM, CrystalFaerie said:

    I'd also love to visit the Middle East - Egypt (does that count as the Middle East?)

    Not even kidding both sides of my family are from those exact two places lol. I have been many times to visit and vacation. And yes Egypt is considered middle east, despite being an African country...If you only stay in the tourist areas, then you're most likely going to be safe. The military protects them very well.

    Sweden is amazing. It's really beautiful, the people are the nicest I have ever met in my life, and it's a very fun country...oh and if you visit the Nordic countries and you're 6' tall,be prepared to feel like a child. Those people are huge :D. I'm 5'9 or by their standards a small child, that has facial hair :D

    Ok back to the question....

    Travel and not in a particular order:

    New Zealand

    Chile

    Australia

    Japan

    North Korea

    UK

    Slovenia

    I better stop here or else this will keep going

    On 11/8/2015 at 8:58 AM, Peter said:

    Iceland.

    Been there and it is epic! I would highly recommended it! You must go to the Blue Lagoon....it's almost like being on an other planet


  2. On 2/28/2017 at 5:58 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Unfortunately, not everyone teaches (or interprets) the Bible correctly.

    This also includes you

    On 2/28/2017 at 5:58 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Certainly, you would expect someone interested in going to Bible studies to live what they learn but sadly there is a difference between knowing what is right and doing it. You don't need to be particularly spiritual or committed to go on mission trips. It can be something done more to do with friends/travel than doing hard work for the service of others. 

    If you have someone who professes to believe in the Bible but doesn't have a moral problem with pre-marital sex, maybe study yourself into this topic and ask for a Bible study on it :D See how it goes...hehehe

    This is not the first thread where you have undermined and devalued the contributions of a women. Just because she does not believe in your biblical interpretations and follow your moral compass, does not mean you diminish her spirituality, services, commitment to missions, and her relationship with God. Please, don't do this again.


  3. On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    Did you ever talk with her about this issue (that you would like to get more attention for your needs etc.)

    Yes, later on in the relationship I also discussed the issue... at appropriate times. I mentioned the absence of passionate giving and why I can’t move forward. I feel that an arrogant person will care too much about them self… and might not be able to see what is important to the other person and that is why she could not change. Or perhaps she did not want to change and needs a person that will only stroke her ego.

     

    It’s like love. You can’t force someone to love you by talking about it. They have to feel it on their own. Same thing for passionately giving. Which she did love me and she was a loving, caring, and a passionately giving person in other areas of her life. She was not compatible for me but is for someone else.

     

    I have no idea if this makes any sense I could explain this better IRL Sorry that’s the best I can do.

     

    On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    did you ever had talks abou sex?

     

    I communicated verbally/written format (i.e texting….I tried to cover all bases) verbatim…hundreds of times what I like (which was nothing crazy) and the one thing I don’t like but I’m flexible on. It should never get to that point, if it does, there’s a problem/s.

     

    Here is one thing I learned. For the most part, you should really only communicate this stuff if your partner is trying (and for the right reasons) but they just are not quite getting it right…Then you can give them helpful pointers. Your partner should be excited to implement the suggestions…You should not have to tell them more than a few times. 

     

    On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    And if so, what did she had to say about that?

     

    Off the top of my head, she never had much of anything to say.

     

    On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    Did you ever hear about a reversed case? When the person is very selfish, arrogant, careless, inconsiderate [insert any negative trait you like] in every day life and other areas in life, but is absolutely a passionate, good giver in bed?

    Yes, it was called high school and a little of college lol

     

    On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    And how do you think you can best mitigate these risks?

    For me I don’t know for sure…just have ideas. Sorry. Also some people might be really excited but don’t express it outwardly….so you really have to know the person.  

    For example, you can talk about the things you would like to receive and give with your husband. If he lights up with excitement and talks about how he would like to give the things you mentioned to a wife and would have fun receiving the things you mention, then I would imagine you would be ok…If just talks about the stuff he wants that benefit him and 0 focus is on the women, you might want to proceed with caution. 

    Let’s say you’re talking about getting married…you can talk to him about passionate giving and what it means to you and you could mention…you don’t want to feel like a chore you have to get over with so it’s important that we both enjoy each other’s needs….et cetera …lol not verbatim like this but you get the idea.

    In general I don’t think this is something women have to worry about as much…I think WTM guys on average are eager to please.

     

    On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    Why would you personally be even okay with taking these risks by (maybe) waiting til marriage the next time?

    If she was a waiter, I’m confident she will not be anywhere near the same…As I believe my situation was quite rare. I will also tell her everything and why it ended…doing that means I have confidence and trust in her.

     

    On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    Why especially for women?

    On average, there seems to be more factors that can play into their complete satisfaction.

    Yes, love plays a critical role but in a lot of cases, it certainly is not enough for some women.

    Anyway, if a woman is a virgin, she has not had a chance to get to know her body+mind, while in a relationship with a man. Without that experience, some(by no means all) WTM virgins can’t say for certain what factors they will need to be completely satisfied.

    However, I would venture to guess that a portion of WTM women are not greatly concerned about their sexual satisfaction, as they value the emotional and/or spiritual components more.

    On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    What about the waiting men?

    Personally, I think men are way easier to sexually satisfy. This might sound contrary to popular belief but I think men need emotional/mental qualities from a women to be sexually satisfied.

    I think many guys (especially waiters) need their SO’s to be into the sexual things they like and to care about it…If a women can do that, she’s mainly done….he will be one happy camper.

    Now, don’t confuse looks with pleasure. Sure there are guys that want what they think is attractive…like a trophy wife/GF. But that is often a form of bragging, which does not equate to sexual satisfaction.

    On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    She even termed body parts of her "God´s gift to men".

    Sorry if I was not clear, she never said "God´s gift to men". I said that here to try and properly illustrate her attitude/behavior…without mentioning graphic details of things she would actually say/do.

     

    On 2/25/2017 at 3:06 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    Do you know why she didn´t want to wait? Was waiting EVER in the talks?

    I am not negatively judging here (my waiting isn´t motivated by religion). I guess, I am just wondering and always have a bit of trouble understanding those very religiously involved people, but still they don´t find waiting worthwile and desirable.

     

    Not sure if you’re referring to waiting before she met me or while we were together…so ill just answer both. 

    Waiting before me:

    She waited until she was a certain age and valued elements to it. However, when she was not married by a certain point, she accepted things were not going to happen how she dreamed. So figured she might as well have fun in other ways. 

    Waiting while dating me:

    She was not a waiter by the time she met me and no it was not in the talks…I think she actually could WTM but she would need to know she’s getting married and fast lol.

    You’re totally fine. I think I understand what you mean and yes, it can be confusing. The “very religiously involved” can have very different views regarding their beliefs. I knew some that thought consuming alcohol was bad, while other thought it was ok…Some thought homosexuality was bad, others did not, some thought dancing is wrong, others did not....Many different ways they can interpret and develop differing beliefs.

     

     

    1 person likes this

  4. On 2/28/2017 at 5:58 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    That's a little hyperbolic. Is it too much to ask for her to tell her boss: 'I am so grateful for you offering me this opportunity. Could I please sleep on it. This is a major project and I want to make sure I am up to it!' The term "landed" to me also indicates that she may have been actively trying to get that project in which case she could have discussed it with Adam well before starting it. On a sidenote, I'm sure bosses are aware of the influence spouses hold over success in the workplace even though it might not seem PC to say directly "let me check with my husband/spouse first". Even so, as a smart boss who would you rather have: someone who checks with their spouse and hence you know will have the support/commitment to flourish in the fulfillment of the job ["This job/project is important enough to me for me to address all potential impediments to its success; I want to make sure I'm the right person to take this responsibility"] or someone who thinks they can do it on their own and potentially has an unhappy spouse interfering with their work performance? 

    Your questions are wildly unrealistic. There is no way the average man/women per this scenario can ever tell an employer anything similar to what you have suggested. As I stated in the last response, that would be career suicide. That is not how the real world works.

    On 2/28/2017 at 5:58 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Sure, but this raises the question: who is valued more highly in my wife's life: me (her husband) or her workplace?

     This question has no relevance to appreciating/respecting Jane for her talents, which I had to mention bc the previous comment completely devalued her by saying she is essentially just making herself busy.

    Just because she is talented, does mean she values her work over her husband.

    Again, this is getting very irrelevant b\c Adam never asked this question and it lacks confidence/maturity

    A mature, confident husband understands/or:

    •       Supports his wife during hard times, even if he can’t get anything in return
    •      The meaning of sacrifice and life is not always fair, balanced, and equal
    •      Does not compare himself to things in his wife’s life
    •      During times of absence, he still knows he’s #1 in his wife’s heart·        
    On 2/28/2017 at 5:58 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    All the more reason for her to start addressing how her work is interfering in her marriage and how best to handle that if this is to be a common thing. 

    All the more reason for her to show Adam that her work is not the problem but rather Adam’s lack of confidence and maturity, when encountering real world challenges.

    On 2/28/2017 at 5:58 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Certainly to the immature part. We don't want a transactional marriage. My point was that if Jane is absolutely outside the standard of passionate giving during the two months then there would be no need/expectation of her "compensating"/restoring for the 2 month's neglect. The expectations from her would be exactly the same as just before she took the project.

    I guess for a second there I was trying to look at the relationship from a semi-mature perspective..i.e

    If Adam acted like a confident mature husband, when handling this problem…Jane would appreciate the sacrifice he made for her and express her gratitude in a loving way. Nobody would have the thoughts of compensating, debt, restitution or any other immature spin.  

    On 2/28/2017 at 5:58 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Nothing in the scenario indicates that she has responded in such a way.

    That’s because the actual scenario ended while they were still fighting.

    On 2/28/2017 at 5:58 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Nothing indicates that she sees a need to temporarily re/over-invest in the relationship to restore the rift caused by the 2 months.

    Again, what you’re saying is not relevant to me. Again, the way I see it anything regarding her behavior is not valid:

    1)      18 hour days, 4/5 hours of sleep, and high stress levels, under these conditions, you can’t have the same expectations for your spouse. They can barely think at this point.

    2) Adam caused the 2 month rift b/c he lacked the necessary confidence and maturity to handle real world challenges per the scenario.

    On 2/28/2017 at 5:58 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    How would you feel if your spouse came out of such a 2 months and treated your relationship as if those 2 months never took place?

          1)  Read my first post in this thread and you will see how I thought, reacted, and treated my GF during a similar time. That is because I am a confident man that showed her love, compassion, empathy, maturity, respect, and passion. I was glad to support her, make sacrifices, and help her get through the hardship.

     2) Adam caused the 2 month rift/conflict. He should consider himself damn lucky she pretended like nothing happened lol:D.     

    Lastly, it seems like there is a new version of Adam you’re creating with your questions, which is different than @Naturally version of Adam. Some questions/comments you’re posing to me seem to stray off course and aren’t relevant because:

    A)    I never had the thoughts you mentioned, when my ex was in a hardship. Nor would I ever imagine doing that to her/a wife. My only focus was supporting her and helping her get through it.

    B  )    Through the things you have mentioned, your version of Adam does not appear to respect Jane’s talents, devalues her contributions, and seems like he should have married a women whose life must completely revolve around him.

    C)    Some of your comments/questions keep circling back to Jane’s behavior. Per this scenario, this is completely irrelevant to me, as I have stated many times, Jane is sleep deprived, having 18 hr days, and experiencing high stress levels. OF COURSE SHE’S NOT GOING TO BEHAVE NORMALLY Under these conditions I don’t believe in holding a person to the same standards. If you have concerns, talk about it after things settle, not during.

     

    2 people like this

  5. On 2/24/2017 at 3:27 PM, Jorge said:

    Swedish. 

    Ive been to Sweden and my mom is actually Swedish and let me tell you, the language is immensely difficult to learn! I have also been to Iceland and their language is similar to Swedish and many of the locals, literally have a difficult time being fluent in their own language lol I remember asking a few Icelandic locals how to pronounce a certain street name, and all of them said we dont know for sure, it's to difficult to say...they actually preferred speaking in English.

    best of luck

    1 person likes this

  6. 14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    this was chosen by Jane without input or discussion with Adam.

    That’s because it’s Jane’s career, not Adam’s. Adam can’t go into her work and tell her boss now that Jane and I are married, Jane/I have equal say in, what assignments to takes, hours she has to work…et cetera. Jane most certainly can’t tell her boss (especially, in the advertising world) I have to talk to my husband first, before I take that assignment. If most women in many corporate settings did that, she would be viewed in a very negative way, would be mocked and ridiculed at work, and in many situations, that would definitely be career suicide.

    Maybe Adam is extremely immature or possibly ignorant to think a career women can tell her boss to put the project on hold while she runs it by her husband first.

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    So it's okay not to give as long as I somehow make myself busy enough? 

    If Adam thinks Jane is just making herself busy, that sounds like he has very little respect/appreciation for his wife and views her as a mindless automaton. If he respected Jane, he would not view her as just making herself busy. I don’t know as this is a hypothetical scenario but that might really upset Jane.

    If Adam respected his wife, he would see her as a critical and needed member of her company because she is highly skilled, intelligent, and has amazing God given abilities.

     

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    she has not even given Adam an indication that she will try her hardest to avoid such circumstances in the future.

    That’s probably because she can’t. She’s in advertising. This will most likely happen throughout her career.

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    One of the big problems is the issue that Jane doesn't seem to have a problem with her behaviour over the last 2 months...

    Jane is having 18 hour days, experiencing high stress levels, and sleep deprivation…Adam should not be thinking about himself, what he is not getting, how he is unhappy with her behavior, and most definitely not have the same expectations from his wife, during this time.

    I’d hate to think what he would expect from her if she ever got pregnant.

    During this time, Adam should show his wife love, compassion, and empathy.  

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    There is no mention in the scenario that they both entered the marriage with an understanding that her/their careers will be prioritised.

    There are many careers that will not allow you to prioritize your marriage first. The ad world is definitely one of those careers. So per this scenario, all we know is that Adam either accepted the risks or marrying a women who might not always prioritize the marriage first or it seems like he made this assumption and did not factor in…what if he’s wrong? Now if before they got married, Jane promised Adam she will always put their marriage first, then that changes things.

    If Adam’s assumption was wrong, does not mean Jane should commit career suicide.

    Adam is wrong for doing this during such a difficult period in her life. A mature, respectful, caring, empathetic, loving spouse will know there is a time and place to discuss their concerns…He should have addressed his concerns after her project was over, not during.

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    it is one thing to prioritise a job [in which case one would still expect Jane to be understanding of Adam's position and address this to a degree

    Again, I don’t see how Jane could be expected to do anything other than sleep when she gets home. Adam should not be thinking about himself, what he is not getting, why he is unhappy, and should not be holding Jane to the same standard….his standards seem to be unrealistic and cause his wife more stress.

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    doesn't meant "treat the marriage like dirt"...

    Adam seems to be treating the marriage like dirt. His poor wife is going through this and he still expects the same from her, is arguing and causing more stress, and thinking about himself.

    When Jane gets home, her only objective should be sleep, nothing else. Adam should not expect anything more from her, during this marathon she is in.

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Unless it is mutually expressly and explicitly rejected, do you think that people should be generally able to assume that a marriage should be prioritised over careers? 

    I have never put much thought into what people should generally assume regarding the prioritization of careers and marriages. Off the top of my head, it seems crazy to assume when marrying a person, that they will put their marriage over their career every single time.

    I also think it is crazy to assume that everything is going to be close to = in a relationship at every single moment. Life is never that balanced and harmonious, at least for the average person.

    If a person makes assumptions, then they are accepting the of the possibility of a bad outcome, not just the good ones.…so a when making an assumption about a person you’re planning the rest of your life with, you better be certain you can also accept an undesirable outcome.

    I’m about as horny as they come and I would never assume the girl I am thinking about marring is going to be ok with that, have lots of sex, or the things I like….Or just because she says she is a Christian, does not mean I am going to assume she has the same theological views I do…because if I am wrong, I am not going to enjoy those consequesnces….at all.

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Might be a little presumptuous. Also, if she was not expected to give in the 2 months, how come she has some kind of debt/imbalance to work off? "Adam supported while being neglected for 2 months; now it's Jane's turn to make up for it".

    On a different note, one sleeping bag! Bad enough sleeping alone in a sleeping bag lol. That's quite the gamble.

    If Adam were to view Jane wanting to give him as her paying off some sort of debt, he would appear to be very immature, not very empathetic, caring, respectful, or understanding of what Jane went through. Or her feelings of gratitude for being a good husband and wanting to bond with him.

    It seems like he should view it as…I supported and gave to her in a difficult time and she is excited to give to me in a loving, caring, spousal way.

     

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    On a different note, one sleeping bag! Bad enough sleeping alone in a sleeping bag lol. That's quite the gamble.

    This true lol. However, I would imagine it would be better with a wife in there to keep you company…but just in case I’m wrong, I guess Adam should pack a cot and an extra sleeping bag…good thing this is a hypothetical and im not planning this lol.

     

     

    2 people like this

  7. 14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    To me your post seems a little contradictory.

    Yes, you sure are correct, that is my bad. I think I had one too many thoughts going on in my head at once:blink:.

    In the personal experience section, I was discussing the topic of not being in the mood, while in normal day to day, life challenges. And when I would disagree with Jane if she was working normal hours and then said she's not in the mood.

    However, Jane is having roughly 18 hr days, and this falls under the second to last criteria I mentioned, time constraints.

     

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    You get up Adam for not giving passionately but Jane gets of scott free??

    I might need to go back at some point and re-read the scenario but from what I remember, I still think this is all on Adam. He never should have asked Jane to marry him if he can’t handle a women who might have to temporarily, for short times, place her career over their marriage. By accepting this risk, he is respecting Jane’s career and the things that are important to her. It seems that now he is unhappy with the reality of the risks.

    Jane is not in a position to give. So she is most definitely not held to the same standard and yes gets off scott free. By marrying her, Adam accepted there will be times in their marriage when he must step it up and do all the giving and there will be times when Jane must step it up and do all the giving.  If he can’t accept this type of give and take relationship, then he should have married a women who can or will always put her marriage first.

    After Jane recovers from her ordeal, Adam can pack the car with camping gear…ONE sleeping bag and surprise Jane with an intimate, romantic camping trip…Then they can make sweet love in their sleeping bag (or in the tent), next to a fire…And since Jane is recovered, she gets to pleasure him for first, since he supported her.

    Anyway, I very well might be missing something or looking at this all wrong but this is why I think this one is all on him.

    14 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Not sure if you're getting the scenarios mixed up. The withholding for 2 months is in this scenario....

    She was also talking about another similar thread...a different one I had not read.

    2 people like this

  8. 16 hours ago, Naturally said:

    I'm just really curious about people's thought processes and I'm always trying to dig under the veneer of superficialities, façades, and pleasantries to discover the insecurities, fears, emotions, and idiosyncrasies people try so hard to mask.

    I love it! great answer and so am I :)

    16 hours ago, Naturally said:

    lol thanks for the visual.

    This about sums it up pretty well:

    Image result for shoving a square peg circular hole ecard

     

    16 hours ago, Naturally said:

    Ostensibly, rape is a desire for power rather than a need for sex. I'm not trying to make you explain the mind of a rapist here but rather that of a normal guy... What stops a normal guy who is craving sex going out and acquiring sex forcibly? Is it the fear of getting caught, the respect for a woman's autonomy, shame on your family? If men who are sexually frustrated experience a lowering of their rational thinking what prevents them from making irrational decisions?

    Hmm I think you might have answered this in your own question. A normal guy who craves sex, does not have a need for violent, dominating power. The thought of rape makes us as impotent as those guys in cialis commercials.

    I would also add it is the same reason why you just don't take whatever it is you want. As a human you have a moral compass, a sense of empathy, love, and compassion that tells us right from wrong.

     

    16 hours ago, Naturally said:

    LOL! no completely theoretical.

    Take me travelling through the cosmos with Stargate and then I'll consider it ;)

    Ok good, that was a classic example of not thinking before I spoke.

    Sweet, I'm breaking into the warehouses where they keep the stargate and taking one!:lol: Layer up because it can get cold out there in the universe

     

    1 person likes this

  9. 2 hours ago, Naturally said:

    When men are sexually frustrated, would you say this drive overpowers their ability for rational thinking?

    Hmmm...another excellent question. If you don't mind me asking, what is your background? How are you so intuitive/insightful? Are you a counselor/therapist of some kind or in school to be one? Anyway, to answer your question... depends on the guy for sure. For example:

    A) Some men definitely begin to lose basic cognitive reasoning skills and probably look a lot like apes....trying to shove a square peg in a circular hole :blink:

    B ) While others get really moody, AKA male PMS....Yeah I fall into this category...My sexual frustrating definitely results in male PMS for sure... Hey what can I say? I guess can't help it anymore than a girl can help having her period :lol:

    2 hours ago, Naturally said:

    As a woman I looooove your answers.

    Awww thanks :) Glad you enjoyed reading them ***hugs from America***

    2 hours ago, Naturally said:

    Putting myself in Jane's position, reading this made me feel instantly less stressed and relaxed.

    Are you currently going through something similar??? Yikes, I probably should of thought about that, before I started calling "Adam" a dick.

    If so, please don't marry a guy who is not passionate for you. Date them,have fun with them, enjoy their company, then message me and I'll marry youB) (please say yes, please say yes, please say yes...haha I'm only 30% joking......haha:lol:) Anyway, I can promise you'll regret marring a person who is only passionate for them self.

    Hmmm that is not the thread I was referring to, this is the one: "Your pleasure = Spouse's responsibility?" Without having any back info on the withholding thing you're talking about........OMG 2 months :o You'd have to of cheated big time for that to happen or really done something awful...Yikes...Can't say for sure though as i never read it.

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  10. I love reading what if scenarios! They really help you in current relationships and/or prepare for future ones. Thanks for sharing this and keep them coming! 

    First, I’ll answer this as if i was talking to Adam because I most likely would never let things get to the point of us ignoring each other. Second, I’ll share some personal insight/experience. 

    Answer to Adam:  Before you 100% support Jane, go rub out as many as it takes for you to stop, being selfish and horrendously inconsiderate.

    Why support Jane and how is Adam being a dick? (I mentioned this in one of your other threads @Naturally :)…Sorry if I sound like a broken record)

    1)      PASSIONATE GIVING is a MUST in a relationship/marriage!  In short, it means you love giving, you’re excited and can’t wait to give, and think about being the best you can be when giving. This includes emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, and any other supportive ways, during the good times and bad. In this scenario, by going he is supporting her emotional needs, end of story.

         2)   Jane is sleeping 4 to 5 hrs a day. She only has time for sleep and if you want anything else from her, you’re being disturbingly selfish, grossly inconsiderate, demanding, and immature. And 3 days before her big day and he carelessly gets into an argument. He’s a dick for adding more stress.

    Personal experience:

    Before I start, this is all under the notion of normal life hardships, challenges, and struggles. This does not include obvious situations like bereavement, grief, tragedy, time constraints, or mental illness.

    I have to agree with @Dave1985 but for different reasons. 

    On 10/22/2016 at 7:21 PM, Dave1985 said:

    I would also like to think that I would be able to screen women like that out

    During the screening process lol, she has to be a passionate giver in her life. Then I am going to find out how she views sex. Does she view sex for 1) procreative purposes only? 2) Emotional only? Or 3) for physical pleasure, procreation, and emotional? 

    Personally, for me she has to view sex as option 3. I can’t commit the rest of my life to someone with whom I am not compatible with. 

    So if she's a passionate giver and views sex like option 3, then to say things like "I'm not in the mood" to have sex is a MAJOR cop-out… That is an excuse, not a reason. Personally, I don’t think you should marry someone that has to be in the mood to do something nice for you. Sexually or non-sexually. Let’s apply that logic for a minute outside the bedroom and then back to sex. 

    For example, my ex’s old job was stressing her out so bad it was effecting her health and it was awful. For 6 months she worked 70 hrs a week, rotating hours, they cut her pay, which was bad bc she was already low income.

    So what did I do? I Went over to her house every day and cleaned b/c she had roommates that did 0 cleaning and she could not stand having a messy, gross house. So I vacuumed, cleaned the bathrooms, mopped the floors, took out the trash, did all her laundry, fed her cats/dog, cleaned out small mountains of cat poop fr the litter boxes, picked up more poop in the back yard from her dog, cooked her favorite meals dinner, brought her favorite food to her for lunch while she was at work, drew a bath for her before she got home, gave her massages….I could keep going but the point is, you should never have to be in the mood to do something nice for your SO. You SHOULD ALWAYS BE IN THE MOOD TO DO NICE AND THOUGHTFUL THINGS FOR THEM.

    Typically (not always), if someone says they have to be it the mood, chances are: 1) They’ve never had sex in a long-term, committed relationship and they don't know that’s not true or 2) They’ve realized they can use that excuse as a manipulative tactic to get what they want. 

    Whether your husband or wife needs you for a release or to make love, a passionate giver will love to give during good times and bad. Again this also applies = outside the bedroom.

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  11. On 2/20/2017 at 5:22 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    Some people say, if the person is a giving person in general and in other aspects of life, the person will be giving in bed, too.

    Some people say, that you can´t really know if the person will be giving when it comes to sex unless you actually build a sex life with them. Even the kindest, most giving people in everyday life can be absolute selfish in bed.

    What´s your experience there?

    You have amazing insights in this and I commend your open-mindedness. That is always nice to see in people :)

    If I am reading your question correctly, I can say in many areas of her life, she was extremely kind, thoughtful, honest, and a very caring person. She also passionately gave by singing in a church choir, going on mission trips to grief stricken areas, always passionate about giving to people in need whether in church/outside of church, and always helping and volunteering in her bible study. So you are correct, those types of people can absolutely be selfish/self-absorbed in the bedroom. You won't have any idea until those bedroom doors close and you have regular sex with them.

    Now the root-cause to her issue was directly related to her arrogance. In the bedroom, she was extremely cocky about her body. She had some traditional and definitely unique physical traits that she felt made her God’s gift to men. So naturally that was all she cared about sexually. Nothing else mattered if it did not directly glorify what she thought made her so special. (*Side note: Not relevant but for the record those traits did not. She had a lot of partners and not one man ever fought for her or tried to marry her…My two cents, what makes a women a good lover is mainly her attitude, NOT physical. I know it sounds cliché but trust me, it’s true.)

    On 2/20/2017 at 5:22 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    I never knew what to believe or how to approach this matter. Because, if my spouse would not care about my needs at all and it turns out I would have to ask every single time for just one thing, this would be quite devastating to me. I consider myself a highly giving person and actually like the thought of giving pleasure almost more than receiving it (Almost! Of course, I´d like to receive pleasure, as well and it would also frustrate me when my spouse apparently does not really care about giving back to me).

    Yeah not only did I have to ask for everything, every time, in spite of giving in all area of the relationship…but the worst part of it was HOW she did things…after being asked. It’s like that saying “It’s not what you say but HOW you say it.” this is also true for our actions. Sure she would do them but seeing how bored she was and had 0 desire or care to attempt being good, was a major buzz kill lol. At best, I would get half assed attempts… After a while, you begin to feel cheap when someone treats your needs like a constant, annoying chore, that they don’t enjoy doing. After I realized she would never truly care about giving, sex did not feel that good anymore. Now on a positive note, I definitely don’t regret anything. Just because there were several areas of incompatibility, does not mean someone is a bad person…I just don’t want to make it sound like I’m ex bashing a good person.

    The fact you even think and care about being a good giver in the bedroom, means you can be assured that if you have the right attitude that will make you a rockstar wife in all areas of your marriage. I promise :)

     

    On 2/20/2017 at 5:22 PM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    I am just wondering if talking about it and experiencing your partner in other life areas would be enough to prevent such a scenario you mentioned you had with your previous girlfriend (which sounded truly heartbreaking and I can imagine that it sucked)!

    I think you can mitigate these risks but not eliminate them. If you’re a waiter, you’re definitely accepting inherent levels of risk, in terms of your future sex life. Especially, if you’re a women. Now for some people, sex is not that important and they can have it or not in a relationship, so it’s less risky for them.

    In the case of my ex, there was 0 indication that she was going to be sexually arrogant, only care about receiving, and would only offer half assed attempts at anything that did not benefit her physical pleasure.

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  12. 22 hours ago, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    I don´t know..some women might not be able to break out of their "assumption-prison" and they are not really to blame for it maybe.

    They might not even know they are in one. And I agree I don't think they are to blame. That is what can happen when you're blasted with this stuff repeatedly and for a long time.

    22 hours ago, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    No, please don´t spare me! I´m interested in your talk! ^_^

    Ok you asked for it.:D

     

    So a pretty accurate definition of the Power of suggestion is more or less when something is suggested/implied directly or indirectly and it influences our memory, learning, and preferences.

    So what happens if society makes similar suggestions towards the outward attractiveness in the sexes? I think this definitely influences what we find outwardly attractive in the opposite sex and can create problems.

    For a long time, we have been blasted with the suggestion that attractive women should be thin, have perfect teeth, skin, hair, tan, and so on. Fortunately, this is not as much of an issue for women today as it once was. This is all we saw in TV, movies, and magazines when the idea of an attractive women was mentioned. So what impact does this have on men? I believe this is honestly a major factor for why SOME (not all) men are attracted to thin or skinny women. Usually, guys will say some line of BS where it reflects her health and that’s why they like skinny women. Yeah that’s absurd for a whole list of reasons. One of many reasons why that’s absurd, is because a perfectly healthy women can have junk in her trunk, love handles, or cellulite.

    Guys aren’t off the hook either. Society definitely suggests that an attractive man first, has to be tall, then toned or built physique, thick full hair, strong, square facial features, and so on.  For example, you will be hard pressed to find a movie/TV show where the short guy is considered outwardly attractive…So what impact does this have on women? I also think this is why so many women find tall guys attractive. They are blasted with this suggestion from day one. And women usually mention equally absurd reasons, from they can’t wear heels to feeling safe. Knowing how to fight hand to hand, the ability to carry and use a self-defensive weapon, or one’s ability to use their brain to mitigate danger, are much greater measures of potential safety.  Unless you’re frequenting dangerous locations, do you even really need that in your daily life?

    Lastly, I think all of this can be contributing factors to eating disorders or body image insecurities some people experience. At least to me this would explain how a perfectly normal women can see a totally different image when she looks in the mirror….Or how guys can be self-conscience of their height, if they are on the shorter end.

     

    Just some thoughts.

    :)

    22 hours ago, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    Well, they do care apparently....even one partner is not enough according to what women have told you. The more past partners, the better.

    haha true. Just literally the antithesis of what I thought lol...was I mostly wrong on that one :)

    Yeah you bring up a really good point...What is so bad about simply telling someone how you like certain things? it's all about the persons attitude.

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  13. First, I must say you bring up some excellent questions and you also sound like you know yourself very well, which is an excellent thing to have. So good for you :)

    On 2/19/2017 at 3:22 PM, Naturally said:

    1. How often does a guy 20 yrs old and up masturbate?

    It can vary greatly depending on the guy. Some men do it a few times a day while others maybe do it a few times a week.

     

    On 2/19/2017 at 3:22 PM, Naturally said:

    2. If your wife wanted the responsibility of "taking care" of it for you whenever you needed it (for the purposes of preventing the intrusion of porn, lust, or to have it always be an intimacy thing rather than a self-gratification thing) would that be something you would welcome?

    Ok to give a quick answer to this question: YES! Unequivocally YES! I would go so far as to say that almost any man WOULD and SHOULD cherish his wife if she thought like this.

     

    Here is my personal insight:

    It is paramount not to just give, but how you give. I also think it automatically becomes your responsibility (whether you like it or not) to take care of your spouses needs. You two are together for life so you depend and need each other...but that is just my two cents.

    I think a husband and wife should passionately give inside the bedroom and outside. Passionate giving is when you’re excited to give, you LOVE to give, you think about being the best you can be while giving, and you think about how you can give in better ways. That is giving out of love to your spouse and is passionate giving. A loving and caring partner will take the initiative to find out what their partner likes, why they like it, and how they like it…so they can meet their needs.

    My ex was the only sexual experience I have ever had. We were together for 3.5 years and I passionately gave to her and she never voluntarily returned any favors. She only cared about her sexual needs and that was it. I would have to ask for my needs every single time or else I would be left high, dry, and sexually frustrated…when you love giving to the person you’re with and they could care less about giving back to you and will completely neglect your needs unless you ask every single time….Yeah that sucks. Trust me! I was so thankful I did not marry her because I would have regretted that for the rest of my life…being viewed and treated like a chore and a job

     

    On 2/19/2017 at 3:22 PM, Naturally said:

    As a woman, every time I felt like I wanted it, I would initiate with my husband. I wouldn't want to "take care" of it myself anymore. Would you feel this way or is it important for guys to have private individual time to do it themselves sometimes?

    Again every guy is different. These are great questions that definitely need to be discussed before marriage. Personally, I think most guys will not want to do it themselves. I know I sure wont!

    On 2/19/2017 at 3:22 PM, Naturally said:

    If he needed the release say, once a day, I think I could handle it. More than that and we would need to reassess.

    I think that is great you know your limits and yourself! That is an excellent…so good for you..be sure to always communicate that stuff with anyone of interest because he might need it 3 times or more a day.(Keep in mind some people just have higher hormonal levels coursing through body)

    On 2/19/2017 at 3:22 PM, Naturally said:

    *Side note: I once heard a guy say that if it's for a handjob he'd always rather do it himself than have his girlfriend do it because she's not as skilled at it as he is, having had years of practice with his own hand. Opinion on this?

    Yeah, I too have heard guys say this. Again everyone is different. Personally, when I was with my ex, a caressing handjob felt just as good, if not better than intercourse. Again, not everyone is wired the same. Also, there was 0 comparison...anything felt a million times better when she was doing it, verses "taking care of it myself". I'm also really sensitive down there so I'm super easy to please lol... But I NEVER wanted or had any desire to "take care of business myself", (despite being sexually frustrated) I always wanted her over myself...If ever get married, that will be even more intense as I will be madly in love with my wife :)  and want her a million times more than myself.

    On 2/19/2017 at 3:22 PM, Naturally said:

    3. Would you find it disrespectful if your wife "took care" of her own release individually without asking you to participate despite you being available, accessible, eager?

    Well you definitely got the eager part right…as most waiters will be eager lol. The way I see it, if she told me about this before we got married, then I knew ahead of time what her needs are and can’t be offended. In general I think I would be ok with this... I would obviously want to know why and my response/reactions will be dependent on her reason/s. but some guys might get super weird about this and others might not care at all.

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  14. On 2/17/2017 at 5:43 AM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    Sorry that you had to go through this! But do you still have this problem? I mean, now you had sex....or do you still get those remarks from women?

    LOL wow I forgot all about answering your questions :) and no worries. Yes, I still get the same concern from women because one partner is practically the same.

     

    On 2/17/2017 at 5:43 AM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    I don´t even know why some women think that every man needs to sleep around

    I think this is due to the power of suggestion, which is a well-known and documented psychological behavior. When you suggest something to someone, they will usually believe it. This is the very same reason why we have placebo pills when testing pharmaceuticals.

    Same thing applies to the sexes. ( I could really talk about this topic for quite a while but I’ll spare you :p)

    These women were told that men sleep around and it is a normal biological instinct. However, they are also not told that this is not true for all men. So these women get freaked out when they meet a guy who chooses or can wait…bc it so rare. This I can honestly understand…despite the fact I don’t agree with the thinking that all men need to sleep around.

    The one that gets me, are the women that say the need a man who knows how to pleasure a women and they don’t want to teach a guy what to do. First, it is not difficult to sexually pleasure a person….it’s not calculus lol. In terms of the physical part, you just need a basic understanding of human anatomy and more importantly, the physiology…Second, if you have a partner who is trying to please you and they are not quite getting it right, you mean to tell me your time is so valuable that you can’t take an extra 30 seconds to tell the person how to improve their technique? If you’re schedule is that busy or demanding, then you’re definitely not for me haha.  

    On 2/17/2017 at 5:43 AM, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

    True, I can confirm from my own experiences that neither non-Christians nor religious people care about this stuff....

    Personally, I have never cared one way or another about how many sexual partners a women has had. That would in no way deter me from chasing her... I just thought for the longest time most women would care about how many women their SO has slept with... but it turns out, most dont lol.


  15. Can evil exist in a world without love?

    If love just all the sudden vanished, and we knew what we were missing….That would scare the crap out of me and life would be really depressing.

    Love motivates me to do just about everything. Because I love other people or because I have a love for myself (meaning a healthy appreciation for my life)

    I suppose if we were born and raised without love, we might not know what we were missing?

    Isn’t love a major factor that makes us human? A world without love seems like it would be a world controlled by robots.

     

    2 people like this

  16. My mom got DNA tests for our family because she is super into that stuff. And yes, of course I had to make Marie Povich and Jerry Springer jokes : p

    I'm definitely quite a mix. My dad immigrated to the US from the Middle East (technically a North African country but considered apart of the ME) in the 70's and my mom's family came in the 20's from Scandinavia. Here's most of my genetic make up:

    36% Western European

    27% Middle Eastern

    21% Italian Greece

    7% Scandinavian

    5% Caucasus


  17. Personally, I don’t see any reason why women should not be spiritual leaders of a family or church. I take into account the period and cultural differences during biblical times.

    Back then human populations were extremely low. A big family had many advantages for survival and it made sense for everyone to have specific roles. The primary roles of women, was to marry, have kids, cook, and clean.

    Also, look at how different women are today:

    1)      Today, women are expected to go to school and get educated. This was definitely not the norm back then.

    2)      Today, women can have many different types of jobs and even authoritative ones. This also was definitely not the norm back then.

    3)      In biblical times, women could get married at 12 to 14 years old. Totally illegal today.  

    4)      1 Timothy 2:9-11, says women should dress modestly, not wear gold or pearls, not have elaborate hair styles, and must learn in quietness and full submission.

    If you walk into many churches today, you will see a lot of women are not modestly dressed when compared to biblical customs, they will be wearing some sort of jewelry, will have their more expensive Sunday clothes on, and fully participating or leading small groups/classes within the church.  

    But women still should not be spiritual leaders of a family? That does not make sense to me because we have accepted so many changes in gender norms. So why not this one?  Also, what if she is smarter than her husband, what if she is much wiser than her husband? what if her biblical knowledge is vastly more in depth? Is she suppose to coach him through the entire process..? That just sounds silly to say she cant lead her family bc of her gender.

    God will want the best person to lead their family closer to him. He is not going to care if that is a man or a women. He is going to care about the family leading a Godly life, serving the needy, and growing closer to Him.

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