SG1

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Posts posted by SG1


  1. 13 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    If I absolutely do not care about someone's opinion or what they might do with whatever I give them there won't be any interpersonal connection through vulnerability or any other means really. Vulnerability requires a degree of insecurity, of an extension of trust that may be violated, the risk of some negative repercussion. Depending on how that vulnerability is treated, positive connection either grow or diminishes.

    That might be true for you and/or the long-term relationships you have had, assuming you have had any. However, other couples are able to build strong, interpersonal connections in other ways.

    I know plenty that are fully secure in themselves, have unyielding trust in each other, deeply care about the opinions their spouse has of them, and they have the best interpersonal connections they have ever experienced. They are each other’s best friend, supporter, and lover.

    The foundation to those successful marriages were built upon several strengths: First having confidence in themselves and then each other, then having the security that comes along with their confidence, and then trusting each other (and a few other qualities but not relevant here.). These pillars of strength work great for them to cultivate their love for one another.

    They did not build their successful marriage upon weakness, insecurity, fear of risks, or thoughts of negative repercussions. There are different paths to building and cultivating successful relationships. To each their own.


  2. Well I don’t know if you two are still together as this response is a bit down the road but what the heck.

    On 4/30/2015 at 10:52 PM, Bashful_dove48 said:

    in a world where probably 98% of the male gender watch it.

    At least this is not naïve :) and I would guess definitely true.

    On 4/30/2015 at 10:52 PM, Bashful_dove48 said:

    I'm frustrated about this.

    I completely understand how and why this would bother you. What would he think and how would he react if you told him you too masturbate to porn? That might make him think twice about what he’s doing. I bet he would feel the exact same way you do.

    I don’t know if he is a guy with a high drive. But if he is, you can’t even begin to understand how mentally and physically taxing it is to remain celibate, any more than he can understand what menstruating is like. The average man can have 10x more the testosterone than a woman and those levels can oscillate every 15-20 minutes. He can also go through complete cycle in a 24 hour period. The higher his testosterone levels are, it gets dramatically more difficult to control oneself. This is why every day can be immensely difficult for many men to control and without a way to release that intense hormonal drive, it can be hell.

    On 4/30/2015 at 10:52 PM, Bashful_dove48 said:

    He promised that the man I marry won't watch porn

    This is definitely true for many men. Once they have a wife and experience the full emotional, mental, and physical joys of intimacy, they won’t even think twice about porn. However, some men even when married will always struggle with the temptation of porn. Unless he has been married and can say that from experience, he might want to be more careful when making those promises.

    On 4/30/2015 at 10:52 PM, Bashful_dove48 said:

    I'm definitely praying for him, but is there any way I can hold him accountable in this?

    You certainly can help support him to overcome this challenge…Just ask him if he wants you to help. If he does, then you two can sit down and discuss your options. There are websites that will track, monitor, and block porn for people wanting to stop.

    Lastly, you should be very proud of yourself for showing him grace. Personally, I think you’re handling this very admirably and you should give yourself a pat on the back:). Just keep in mind how difficult every single day can be for some guys.

    1 person likes this

  3. Yeah a few other members already answered this rather well...basically comes down to homophobia and fear of showing too much emotion.

    I find great joy in hugging men that I know can't stand it! Seeing their skin crawl and the look of shock and confusion on their faces makes me laugh inside:lol:   For these types, I will not bump my ass out (which is genetically wired into all straight males, to put as much hip-to-hip or as others refer to.. tip-to-tip distance) I will bring em in and give a firm, semi-awkwardly long embrace....I did this more when i was younger not so much now....expect for a few uncles that are old and only like to give men hand shakes lol:lol: I just push their hand aside and hug...and it's hilarious...Ohh and my brother and i would do this when my sister would introduce a bf to us for the first time...:lol:


  4. 2 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    I find it interesting how you mostly seem to see vulnerability in relationship in a negative light while I see it as a positive. 

    Dr Brene Brown put out some great resources on the issue. 

    Yeah that’s because the “bad” is what ends or strains a relationship, not the good. Also, I feel that it keeps in line with the theme of these last two scenarios I read, which focused on how the “bad” things were straining the hypothetical relationships. 

    For 1) I'll have to go back and check it later but I don't think I mentioned vulnerability as being negative, but rather some of the potentially, toxic traits that can lead someone to feel vulnerable. E.g, A man that lacks confidence in a relationship is usually not a good thing and can put a lot of stress on the relationship. I am not sure if 2) is completely negative? Loving a person is a good thing.


  5. On 2/16/2013 at 9:33 AM, Flor said:

    I'm terrified of cockroaches! So much so that I can't even kill them :unsure:  Maybe it's because of their color, legs, shape or because they're just plain disgusting. Who knows?

     

    I also don't like heights. When I was little I loved going on roller coasters and such. I have no idea why that changed 

    LOL we have the exact same fears!!!!

    I hate roaches because to me they are disease laden creatures! I actually like bugs in general and enjoy learning about them...but not roaches. I moved down to Texas for a few years and had no idea they have mutant roaches!

    I got home late one night and as I opened the door, I saw a mouse on my spoon i left out. It was nibbling away at the leftovers....As I got closer it scuttled away, behind the dishwasher. At that moment I was mortified to realize that was not a mouse....It was a roach!!!! I thought to myself well this can't get much worse...as I walked up to my dinner plate and spoon, I noticed the roach quite literally left a nice, fresh, steamy hot, turd on my spoon......puke.pngNeedless to say, I probably did not get much sleep that night...I never found that roach again. And yes the plate and spoon went right in the trash haha.

    Those roaches were so big, they were not able to fit in the traps I bought

     

    I too was not bothered by heights when I was a kid. I flew all the time. However, the first time I went rock climbing, I was totally freaked out being danged a 100 ft in the air...Then a year later i had a 12 hour flight and on that flight i remember thinking how scared i was rock climbing... Then i said to myself  "then why aren't you scared flying...your 35,000 FT in the air?"...and I was never the same after that lol...now i hate heights all together


  6. On 9/5/2015 at 9:51 PM, Steadfast Madcap said:

    a curvy figure, I felt incredibly self-conscious about my body, and envied the girls who could be 100-120 pounds with seemingly no effort.

    A curvy or chubby figure is my favorite!!!! There is no reason that you should ever feel self-conscious about that. Many people find that very attractive. A person can also be curvy or chubby and still healthy

    I do get the healthy eating. I would consider myself a healthy person in terms of nutrition and fitness. I'll just say one thing on the nutrition, Diet soda is really bad for you. Unless they took it out, it has aspartame in it...which is horrible for you. My uncle is a retired food scientist he engineered and made food for live stock...anyway, he said that aspartame is horrible and you should never drink that stuff...he made it sound worse than the regular soda lol

    1) if you want a soda, i think this band is one to look at and most of the flavors are IMO taste pretty good.Most of the grocery stores where i live sell it..http://www.zevia.com/ 

    2) my mom just went to a nutritionist and she put together an entire meal plan and a ton of other information...if you want I can send it to you...lol quite a deal considering it cost my mom a few hundred


  7. On 3/9/2017 at 2:51 AM, Invincible said:

    I have some extended family and friends who knew they were being settled for. Not necessarily for selfish reasons, but that they simply weren't their spouses' first choice. That to me is already bad enough as it is. Let alone being settled for purely selfish reasons. The idea that so many people are even okay with being settled for is just sad. Nobody should ever use others like this for their own devious ends, especially when it involves a legal binding contract that is meant to be life long. It's just an insult to the institution of marriage and to the moral fabric of society.

     

    On 3/9/2017 at 2:51 AM, Invincible said:

    Yes, you totally should be angry if you were settled for. I totally hear you on this, my friend. Especially when men have everything to lose from a legal and financial perspective in a marriage. I refuse to be settled for and It's actually one of my biggest fears when it comes to romantic relationships. I fear this so much that I would have a borderline paranoia vetting system if I ever get into a relationship where I would always be on the lookout for red flags that suggests she isn't really into me. I plan to have her be judged by as many friends and family members to ensure that she truly is into me and not just with me because I'm "good enough."

    Stay vigilant, my friend.

     

    For me if I found out after I got married that she settled for me, that’s when I would have a major problem. One, I can’t stand the deceit! That is one of my greatest pet peeves. This would especially make me mad depending on what specifically she settled for…To me some things are definitely worse. Two, she stole the decision away from me for her own selfish reasons. Denying someone the ability to make a life altering decision is so wrong. Now if from the beginning she was open and honest about how she would be settling for me, that is totally different…at least to me. Because now the decision to accept her settlement is up to me and if later on down the road I have problems with it, than that’s my fault. 

    After hearing from my female friends/co-workers how women can settle, it too sort of made me paranoid lol, which is why I usually don’t like to blurt out everything that is important to me. Because if they are settling, I now gave her all the information she needs to show/tell me what I want to hear/see. This is why I rather ask someone im into personal and character questions. 

    So how did your family/friends know they were being settled for? Did their SO tell them upfront while they were dating?

     

    3 people like this

  8. 1 hour ago, Invincible said:

    Respect means you admire someone for their talents, character or abilities and as a result hold them in high esteem.

    Hmm this is very interesting. I honestly never thought/realized this. I guess I incorrectly thought of respect as treating someone kindly/with dignity, unless it has multiple meanings?. lol well you helped me and naturally understand

    1 person likes this

  9. If it's not realistic, then it has little appeal and I don't know of a celebrity women I am into...That being said, the closest thing I can think of off the top of my head is.....

    Christina Hendricks and if she's half as kind/sweet as she is attractive, my God I'd learn how to weld and then weld a ring on her finger so there's no getting it off. She'd be stuck with me for life!!!!!:wub:...Since this isn't real, I'd prefer her to be around 30 pounds heavier from the last time I saw  her on Mad Men and her boobs are way too big! I wouldn't even know where to begin with those things:o....so smaller boobs. :D

    Wait a minute, I'm sure cloning has come a long way since Dolly.....Hmmmm ;)


  10. 11 hours ago, Invincible said:

    Seriously, many women don't realize how much power and influence she has over their husbands.

    This terrifies me that you are so openly giving what little secrets we have left to the dark side!!!!!!!!! You're going to completely disrupt the balance of power by telling them this... Please, delete,delete,delete,delete,delete!  (haha jk...not serious)

    11 hours ago, Invincible said:

    If you settle for a guy you don't actually love, you will come to unfairly resent him later on for things that aren't his fault.

    I definitely see what you’re saying and agree. Not that this really makes a difference but I actually don’t think many of them resent/will resent their husbands. They knew from the beginning they were just using them and have different expectations. All they cared about was getting what they wanted. When he no longer serves their purpose, they don’t resent them, they simply find another pawn.

    I was young and totally naïve when hearing this stuff for the first time and it freaked me out. Sadly, this is when I realized the difference b\w settling and compromising lol

    What's scary are the people that get settled for and have no idea. If that happened to me and I found out, wow I would be so mad and super resentful for so many reasons. Not to be too cynical here but that is a frustrating thing about dating…being aware that men/women can show/tell you everything you want, so they can get what they want.

    I thank God for that learning experience because I’ve been able to weed out girls that were the exact same as my coworkers….Ones that are on the husband hunt and seem to care more about what they want, than the man….Men/women that do this seem to view the other person as an accessory.

    2 people like this

  11. So what does it mean when people are liking posts of you getting hurt/experiencing extreme pain??????????? Hmmmmmmmmm.......lol jk:D

    On 5/29/2015 at 2:50 PM, CrystalFaerie said:

    On a side note, there's sure been a lot of period talk on this thread  :blink: Sorry guys!

     

    Nothing wrong with a little blood :D

    Hmm ok let's see I'll do this one in order....

    1.       Dislocated Jaw- This was pain like I have never known and it is indescribable. Yes, this was more painful than everything else on the list. You have two very large nerves that run along each side of your jaw and 1 of mine got pinched during dislocation. This happened during a sparring match. I took a spinning back fist straight to the face, AFTER the match was over….I stumbled back and then felt the worst pain in my life and still to this day. Soon after it was so bad I lost consciences. 

    2.       Broken clavicle and fractured sternum-  I got this from my first love………Hockey. Good lord that was awful. Out for a year and yeah a solid 2nd place

    3.       Broken radius & ulna that punctured the skin- This one hurt like hell. I was a kid on the playground and I thought I could make a solid jump. Nope, I gambled and lost big on that one. Fell about 10 feet, landed on the same arm I broke 2 years earlier. Broke both bones and one of them shot straight through my skin, sticking right out of my arm.

    4.        Broken radius & ulna-  Yep this happened twice…2 years apart. This time, in one day I managed to brake both bones in my arm at different 2 different times. I was a kid and my brother and I were playing atop a really steep flight of stairs. I ate it down the stairs, my arm got stuck in-between the banisters while my body was in midair, and going full steam ahead. It snapped my like radius like toothpick and fractured my ulna. As my mom was helping me out to the car, I tripped over the brand new runner, landing on my already mangled up arm, and obliterated my ulna.

    5.       Dislocated shoulder- Awww again, my first love…..Hockey

         6.    4 broken ribs- Awww again, my first love…..she was a brutal mistress but I love hockey.

         7.       Nearly ruptured appendix-  This one was no were near as bad in comparison to the others, but when it almost popped…wow no fun


  12. On 3/6/2017 at 10:05 PM, Naturally said:

    So a man who is made to feel inadequate outside the bedroom will have less desire to pursue his wife for intimacy inside the bedroom?

    Per this scenario, I would think so?…I’m guessing b\c (thank God) I have never had to go through this when I was I a relationship.

    On 3/6/2017 at 10:05 PM, Naturally said:

    Why do you think that is?

    1)      Same thing as any wife…If a husband expressed he thought she was a bad mother….His ass is on the couch. When you love a person, their opinion of you matters. If your dad said you’re a horrible daughter, that is going to hurt you way more than a stranger telling you that.

    2)      And most definitely off put by her attitude!

    On 3/6/2017 at 10:05 PM, Naturally said:

    do men feel vulnerable during sex?

    Hmm another loaded question...Sorry I don’t know for sure. I never did when I had sex, for the most part I was just happy and excited. I can only make guesses based upon observations. So here are my guesses:

    Yes, I definitely think it’s possible.

    1)  Vulnerability due to a lack of confidence- A man who is not confidant with himself, his body, or his image, will most likely be insecure and as a result feel vulnerable during sex.

    She could reject him for the insecurities he worries about. IMO, I think this is a big reason why these men want a woman with the fewest number of sexual partners. They worry that her other partners might not have the things they are insecure about.

    This fuels their fears about not being as pleasurable as the competition.  An experienced women will know what she likes, she will know what type of man pleasures her the best physically/emotionally, she can remember her best sex and the man she loved the most (this does not mean she will compare but can remember), and this is the ultimate form of vulnerability for an insecure man, that doubts himself.

    Sure there are some guys that rationalize turning away an experienced women by spouting out religious content…if they’re Christian, it’s usually from the bible…Hmmm good thing Jesus does not have a similar attitude and turns us away, or we would all be in a lot of trouble…especially me. This is why I think in many cases, it’s a smoke screen to hide their insecurities. However, I did read very practical non-religious reasons on WTM from a Christian…and he made some good points.

    I have witnessed couples where the man has a complete lack of confidence and seen it manifest itself in toxic ways. During difficult times in a relationship, you're not always able to have normal communication your SO, and an insecure man will need reassurance, attention, and validation during those times, burdening his SO with more stress.

    A confident man is secure in himself and will see all the good qualities in a women. He wont need constant reassurance or be bothered by men from her past. He will hope they treated her well and he will focus on being the best he can be for her.

    2)  Vulnerability through a lack of control- Feeling vulnerability might come with giving up control or not having control?

    You can be confident but the moment you let yourself love someone, is the moment you just became vulnerable. You are now in a position to be hurt by your SO.

    I think some people feel vulnerable during this phase, while others look at it differently and are excited to trust and love their SO.

     

    3 people like this

  13. On 11/17/2015 at 9:25 AM, Weapon X said:

    Has anyone else gone from being a 100% for sure waiter to being okay with either waiting or not waiting?

    Yes, I was 100% a waiter. Now, I can wait or not. It all depends on what is important to her.

    I decide to have sex when I was 28. I was in a 3.5 yr relationship with a great girl. I am glad I did it and never for a second have I regretted it.

    My conviction was as strong as it gets. The effects of celibacy were too great so I challenged what and why i thought waiting was morally right. In that process, I learned many things that changed my mind on the matter. Feel free to check out my profile if you're still around.


  14. On 2/28/2017 at 8:22 AM, Naturally said:

    Zac says Eva seems to genuinely believe that he would prefer to be away from her and their two kids and it's made her resent him.

    Hmmm this is probably why......lol sort of jk

    On 2/28/2017 at 8:22 AM, Naturally said:

    Although at home he says his wife throws tantrums calling him "selfish idiot" and calls his explanations for being away so much "bad excuses"

    If I ever get married and my wife evolves into this, I’m probably going to need medication lol.

     

    Questions?   (If this is too irrelevant, let me know and I’ll delete it)

    This is not a simple disagreement/fight, she essentially thinks he is not good enough and sees him as a failure. She feels, disappointment, being let down, and is more than angry at him. Is Zac still going to have a desire to bone his wife, when things are this bad? Sure if it was just a normal couples’ quarrel but this is a lot different.

    This also goes back to something @Naturally mentioned in a previous post about “taking care it”  yourself…I might have to change my opinion on that topic and a few others, after reading this scenario.

    I’m asking b\c I don’t know if I would want to be bumping uglies with Eva, considering how she feels….I could be completely wrong as I have never been in that situation…But here is my guess…

    I think my primary brain would say, “No way…Not interested in having sex with her. Her attitude is appalling for a lot of reasons.

    Unfortunately, my male parts (aka secondary brain) have a mind of their own and it would be the antithesis of my primary brain. There are a lot of variables that would determine the outcome…too many to list haha.

    The idea of a wife like Eva….and having sex with her is really confusing…hmmm much to think about ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Conflict Resolution:   (I don’t think this is applicable per this scenario but I imagine it might look something like this?)

    If both parties are, mature, appreciative, surrendering, and thoughtful, they should be able to work together to implement needed changes:

    1)      Have the grandparents watch the kids for a day

    2)      Must openly talk about what they are feeling and why (seems like Eva/Zac did not do this?)

    3)      Identify their relationship goals and the need for change

    4)      Agree to the goals they are going to work towards and what to avoid

    5)      MUST allot predetermined time for mom and dad…even if it’s just 30 min

    6)      If this does not work then seek outside help? I don’t know never been married. That’s the best I can come up with

    _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________       

     Eva-There is not much I can say that has not already been well stated.

    1)      It appears she has lost sight of her blessings and is taking them granted. I think this is mostly due to living comfortably, getting used to regular income (without making it), and the “Princess Complex” @Invincible mentioned….Eva hasn’t realized life is not a Disney movie.

    2)      If they got divorced, she had to work for a living, and raise those kids….maybe then she might look back and see things differently.

    3)      If he took a lesser paying job/better hrs, would Eva still be ungrateful bc now they make less $...?. If Eva loves him, it seems to be conditional not unconditional. She wants everything and if she does not get it, she’s not happy.

    Zac- Oops i forgot to add this...but other people already mentioned it...If he is not recognizing her excellent parenting skills, then he needs to complement and appreciate her contributions to the family

    _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    On 3/1/2017 at 7:29 AM, Naturally said:

    Because he said he started to see a change after kid number two I think it's safe to assume it's something to do with her getting wrapped up in her mummy identity coupled with him being away from her and their kids so often.

    If her identity is changing from wife to mother. That’s a problem. Ideally, mother should be added to her identity, not replacing her wifely role. I totally understand how and why this can happen to a male/female but in this case, it's not helping. If this was only caused by him working more, then they need to figure out what to do:

    a)      Get a lower paying job/better hours, same town (hoping she will be fine with a pay cut lol )

    b )      Similar job type but better hrs/different town

    On 3/1/2017 at 7:29 AM, Naturally said:

    I think it's highly likely she loved him at one time, to marry a man and have two kids with him seems like quite an investment for someone you don't love.

    True, however, there is another side to this. In college, one of my old jobs was 85% female and after college, in the corporate world I also worked with mainly women. I feel like I could write several books on what I’ve learned haha.  Many of them openly talked (not during work) about marrying their husbands out of convenience…just so they can have a family, felt outside pressure to marry, or others settled for a nice guy bc he fulfilled some of their emotional needs…e.g, not being alone, companionship, wanting to be loved

    On 3/1/2017 at 7:29 AM, Naturally said:

    breastfeed exclusively from her body for 6 months is the most intimate physical and emotional bond unlike any other relationship she has had - including with her husband.

    Well then she should tell that baby to stop being so selfish and save some for daddy. And nothing is stopping Eva from flopping a tit out and letting her husband suckle away....After all, she has two for a reason... now everyone can bond....although, probably not at the same time...that would be weird

    (jk......on calling the baby selfish:D.....Although, I would have no problem sampling some breast milk...If I can drink an excretion that gets sucked out of a cows tit, then I should be able to sample hers)

    On 3/5/2017 at 1:44 AM, Invincible said:

    Yes indeed. I believe it's called "princess complex." We always tell our daughters to know their worth and to never settle for anything less than a man who will cherish her with his entire being. Yet we don't often tell our sons the same. All we do is tell them how to respect women. We ought to be telling our daughters to respect men and treat us with dignity as well. It goes both ways. No one is entitled to a romantic partner simply for existing. In order to be worthy of someone great, they themselves need to be someone worth of being with. The sad thing is, I used to believe in that whole "princess complex" way of raising girls. But no more. If I ever have daughters, I will raise her with the same message as I would give my sons. Be the right person first, then you will attract the right person.

    Absolute truth right here. Preach it.

    Although, per the last sentence, would it be more accurate to say something like.... then you will be ready for a relationship....?

    On 3/5/2017 at 1:44 AM, Invincible said:

    We are created to complement each other and we make each other stronger.

    Definitely agree.

    On 3/4/2017 at 3:26 AM, Invincible said:

    I would gladly prefer to be single than to marry a woman like that. One of the best ways a wife can show respect for her husband is to appreciate how hard he works to provide for her, no matter the income, and by contently living within their means.

    Again, definitely agree. To me that kind of stress is toxic and also screws over your kids.

    Lol if I ever get married, I hope my wife never turns into an Eva

    3 people like this

  15. If I need a good laugh: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi7GJNg51C3jgmYTUwqoUXA

    For quick Science: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZYTClx2T1of7BRZ86-8fow

    Fitness and Nutrition (don't judge me on this one...the guy is legitimate Physical Therapist) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6E2mP01ZLH_kbAyeazCNdg

    My other channel I used for learning about the cosmos got shut down. This one has a lot of documentaries but Im still testing it out: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOdvwdx--5_tlNeBff8tAng

    I have to put this one because i learned so much, I was able to get multiple certifications from Microsoft. If anyone uses MS Excel they MUST sub to this channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkndrGoNpUDV-uia6a9jwVg

    I was hesitant to actually admit this....as I can only imagine the amount of stereotypes I'm sadly going to fulfill....lol...but many of the other channels are about cars and ballistic testing/guns so ill leave those out as I am sure they have little interest to many others

    1 person likes this

  16. On 7/30/2015 at 1:35 PM, Invincible said:

    For guys though, the thought of not orgasming during sex is unthinkable. It would be like being in a perpetual state of needing to let out a big sneeze but be forced to hold it in. The lack of sexual release would frustrate us even more than before the sex took place.

    LMAO this is hilariously true. When I was with my ex, sometimes she would orgasm before me and it was "unthinkable" to just be done...Your description is very accurate and funny

    1 person likes this