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Posts posted by SG1

  1. On 11/26/2017 at 5:52 AM, Invincible said:

    Well, personally I'm looking for a traditional kind of marriage where I have a career while she stays at home with the kids. The thing is, I know I will always be thinking about the state of the marriage. I'm just not so sure if she would. Your second statement above is exactly why I brought this point up. I hear stories about how it's very common for mothers to unintentionally make their kids their sole purpose in life and neglect their husbands. That is more real to me especially since my mom was kind of like that with my sister and I growing up. To me this is really backwards. I strongly believe that a marriage should come first even before kids. That's not to say we should neglect kids. But your spouse is your partner for life. One day your kids will leave the nest and have their own families, but your spouse will still be there till death. When a marriage is bad, the kids suffer. But when a marriage is strong, the kids will benefit because both parents are living harmoniously.

    I personally am willing to do what it takes to set aside at least some time for just the two of us. I just need to make sure I meet a girl who is determined to do the same.

    On 11/26/2017 at 5:52 AM, Invincible said:

    Since I am pretty picky, I intend to be as keenly aware of the vibes I get from a girl I am considering marrying. I could not marry a woman with little to no sex drive or any passion at all.

    I don't think you have anything to worry about. While you're dating just clearly discuss your expectations/ideas for the kind of foundation you expect in your marriage (as you just did above), you will greatly mitigate (not eliminate) the risk of having a wife prioritizing her children before her marriage. 

    You're not picky, you just know yourself better than most people know themselves. On the bright side of things, I would imagine if you married the kind of women you're looking for she will respect, see the value and greatly appreciate the work you put into your carrier, just as you will have for her role in raising the children. And you two will look for ways to reward each other...Also, one of many great benefits to knowing yourself well, it can allow you to focus more on the person you're dating and not yourself. And this can give you confidence in your decisions when you're dating and weeding out the prospects.

    As you already know, finding a spouse is largely a numbers game. If you can't find the types of Christian women you're compatible with, have you considered moving to a state where you will have greater odds of finding compatible woman? ...i.e. They don't call them the Bible belt states for nothing.


    1 person likes this

  2. If anyone is weird's the guy with a painting of Ronald Regan, firing a sub-machine gun, while riding a velociraptor holding an American flag and an F22 flying in the background... for his profile picture :lol:....Or perhaps if that is not considered a bit weird....then we are all a bit weird. 

    2 people like this

  3. Good question. Not to sound too corny but just like any other attractive feature, it all depends on who it's attached to. Here are a few things that come to mind...

    1) When I was in high school, there was this one girl I and many other guys had a big crush on:wub:. She naturally had a low voice and she even kinda had an Adam's apple...She was so goofy and fun to be around I'm literally laughing out loud right now remembering how she would make jokes about her Adam's apple during class...and she'd even make it bob up and down lol. But no guy ever had an issue with it.. it was neither good nor if she sounded like James Erl Jones, that's a no go for me.

    2) For some reason Mariah Carey and those Celtic Women kinda make me melt when I hear their voices

    3) Sometimes girls with a raspy voice can be quite attractive.

    4) Who does not like accents? British and Australian, Irish, French, Spanish/Latin cetera 

    2 people like this

  4. If they are on a guy, they can be interesting and a work of art depending on the artist who did them/the story behind the tattoo. If they are on a women, I view it as spray painting graffiti on the Mona Lisa. If I was married, tattoos here and there are totally fine but I would not want them covering her entire body...I want to see what I'm looking at... :)

  5. On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    In the case of a non-virgin, you automatically don't get 100% of their love and sexual intimacy. They have shared that with someone else. You may get 100% of what they have left to give but it's essentially getting a smaller pie rather than a full size one so it's never going to be a true 100%. In monetary terms, £50 doesn't equal £100. They are both still of value because money is valuable just like sexual intimacy, but no matter what, the virgin is getting 100% of a smaller amount (in this case the £50) which overall is still smaller and of lesser value whereas the non-virgin is getting 100% of a larger amount (in this case the £100) and essentially having their cake and eating it too (they earn £50).

    1)      It seems like you’re stating this one analogy as absolute fact. It definitely does NOT apply to every non-virgin and your analogy can also apply to virgins who have shared their love and emotional intimacy. You would have to be extremely arrogant to claim that you know the capabilities of how much love and intimacy everyone is capable of giving. The reason I said this needs to be a case by case basis is because we all don’t respond the same way to varying stimulus. That is why you have to know more about a person before you claim to know how much you’re getting. For instance, these are just a few of many other possibilities:

        A)    There are people that can have their love and intimacy continuously restored to the exact same amount. If their relationship ends, their love and intimacy tank gets  empty. When they find the next person, their tank gets topped off… Just like filling up a car, it will be the same amount every time.

       B  )     There are also many people whose love and intimacy grows and deepens as they experience more relationships. They need these diverse experiences to get to know themselves and they use all the good things they have learned to become a much better person. They now have way more to give, not less and their pie is bigger because they got more ingredients.

       C)     Then there are the types that have hearts like glass…if it drops and gets shattered, it can never be put back together. They will never be able to love again

    2)      Since you mentioned the importance of Christianity, where in the Bible does it say non-virgins are not capable of giving the same amount of love and sexual intimacy as they did during their first time…or what medical/psychological studies/research show this to be true? After Christ saw the good in a person’s heart/mind, when did He view them as only being capable of giving less or “what they have left to give.”….???? He did not view the sinful woman who greeted Him in Luke 7 that way. He did not view the thief on the cross next to Him that way. Christ did not judge them by their actions for a very specific reason, He judged them by what was in their hearts.

    Actions/words can be cheap and by no means can they show/tell what's in someone’s heart/mind. The Pharisees might have had good actions but some of their hearts were bad… People can show you everything you want to see just as easily as they can tell you what you want to hear. The thief’s heart spoke WAY louder than his actions and that is why Christ accepted the thief into heaven. He showed them empathy, grace, mercy and forgiveness and thank God He does not judge us by our actions alone.  

    3)     You can’t actually prove how much of a person you’re getting any more than you can prove if someone has had consensual sex…and that’s because these things are abstract. Abstract things like love, commitment, settling et cetera usually require the other person to have faith and trust in their partner. How much of a person you get is determined by their heart/mindset towards you in the present, not their actions in the past. People lie all the time about being a virgin or hide their infidelity. If their partner’s find out the truth, it’s because the lie got exposed. If their actions determined how much they could give and/or their virginity was not abstract to the other person, then their partner’s would have known right away that they were getting less. There are even guys on this site who found out their wives lied about their virginity.

    4)      Sharing does not always equal taking or an automatic loss of something. That would be a really selfish way of looking at it. In many ways sharing can help others to grow and learn. If a non-virgin’s or virgin’s relationship/s made them grow into a better individual, they now have more to give to the next person…not less. I think a person has a “smaller pie” when they can’t grow from their experiences and become a bad person, they still have romantic feelings for an ex/s or when a person is closed minded to other religious, social and moral views because they think theirs are superior…that is when someone has less to offer.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    For me this is what constitutes real intimacy and is the way that God intended it.  Everything else falls short of that mark. The non-virgin brings along with them sexual baggage and the lack of sexual exclusivity to the relationship. They dynamic is different if they are both not virgins. For me, my husband being a virgin would enable me to open up to him mentally, physically and emotionally because I know that there will be no comparisons or sexual baggage being brought into our relationship and for me that is beautiful. The moment they are not, I will always feel a bit shortchanged and emotionally hold back from them so it doesn't make sense to enter this type of relationship for both his and my sake.

    Well I sure hope you find a virgin husband. I get that in terms of a relationship you don’t want to be compared to other women…but it seems rather hypocritical for you to compare non-virgins to virgins and adulterers (which the last one is illogical and completely degrading to a massive number of people)…and then to make a blanketed assessment and finalization that their love and sexual intimacy is now less valuable…Virgins who have had relationships can also compare partners to ones from the past, no differently than a non-virgin. At the end of the day, there is a big difference between comparing and noticing differences. Plenty of virgins and non-virgins do not compare, that is why you have to get to know the person first.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    I feel like this is very insensitive but again you're talking as a non-virgin and I'm talking as a virgin. Having confidence about your body doesn't make the issue go away if you are concerned with the lack of sexual exclusivity in the relationship which destroys it at the core for me (although I explain this a bit more below) 

    No, you’re incorrect about the virgin comment. Like I said before, I was a virgin when I met her. She was my first kiss and even the first women I romantically held hands with. You don’t get much more virgin than that especially as a 28 year old male lol. There was no issue for me, regarding her sexual history. I felt the same then as I do now.

    Confidence means a person has self-assurance that comes from acknowledging and appreciating their abilities, qualities, strengths and life experiences. Security means they will have a level of mental stability that is not easily disrupted, even during significant disturbances in their life. If a person knows they complete their partner, has confidence/security and then places their faith and trust in their partner, I don’t see how healthy, safe STD/Child free relationships from the past can be problematic in the present. These qualities/traits should allow them to be thankful, excited and appreciative that they found a person who currently shares their values and wants to spend the rest of their life committed to them. If one or more of these things are missing then I can definitely see how their sexual history could be a problem. Sexual exclusivity would not be the root cause to the problem, it would be the person who lacks the ability to handle something that happened in the past. And/or their lack of faith and trust they have for their partner…that is what becomes toxic and destroys a relationship.  

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    Two virgins becoming one together on their wedding night don't have the extra barrier between them of past sexual partners and getting rid of those thoughts.

    A virgin with confidence/security will not have those thoughts in the first place…especially, if they know their partner is not settling for them in anyway. They should have faith and trust in the person they are marrying…If on their wedding night they are thinking about the things they don’t like about their new bride/groom, they probably just made a colossal mistake.

    I can see an ex being a barrier if the other person still has feelings for them or the ex is presently involved in the person’s life and is getting prioritized first. i.e. If they are in school together, work together, share custody of a child/children et cetera.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    For me a person being a non-virgin just shows me that they have no control over themselves in that department and automatically, I will lose respect for that person if I am to find out that they are not a virgin and they then ask me out.

    There are people who suffer from severe chemical imbalances resulting in hypersexual urges and controlling their actions and enduring a celibate life can be catastrophic on their physical and mental health. Similar chemical imbalances can cause severe depression in people or premenstrual dysphoric disorder in women. We would not tell the people suffering from depression to try harder, control yourself and if you still feel depressed then you have no control over yourself. They often need medication to help adjust the imbalance. From reading your views so far, I am assuming you don’t suffer from any of these issues, but if you could step into the shoes of someone that is afflicted with these problems and feel the agony they battle on a daily basis, I doubt you would have the views you do.

    I am sure you sin in other areas of your life but that certainly does not mean you lack self-control, it means you’re human. When we ask Christ for forgiveness, depending on our heart/mindset He shows us mercy, forgiveness, empathy and grace, not a lack of respect. I find it confusing that you place a high level of importance on a man being a Christian, yet the views and opinions you have expressed seem to be very different than the way Jesus viewed and interacted with the people of his time. I must be missing something.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    For me, being a virgin in this day and age says a lot about your values and morals as an individual.

    It is a great thing you are on this site. There are some great virgin guys : ) Also, there are people who were born and raised without sexual morals but if they recently found religion, they might currently share the same morals and beliefs as a you.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    However, he's not going to know if he's sexually settling for me until we're married so that in this case it's  irrelevant.

    You don’t have to have sex to know you’re settling for someone sexually.  People can hide the fact they are settling because they really want something from that person and they fear losing them/it if they admit to settling.  One aspect to settling means you will always want and yearn for something your partner will never be able to give.

    For example, if one person needs sex 2x per day but the other needs it 1x per month…someone will be settling if they get married. Or if one person wants a certain type of sex or sexual acts and the other person will not allow it…. Or if a guy is sexually attracted to women with certain features, he can still settle for a totally different type of women. Or if a women is sexually attracted to tall guys, she can still settle for a shorter nice guy… I’ve seen variations of the last one happen a lot.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    And that's fine, there are plenty of women like that in this world. I just happen to not be one of then.

    The type of woman you are has nothing to do with the point I was making. My point was to show how non-virgins can give all of themselves.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    There are no actions or words that a guy could say that will make me change my mind or alleviate my concerns in that area if they are not a virgin because once you've lost it, I can't see you as giving me the true 100%.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    The sacredness of sex being between just the two of us as husband and wife exclusively is forever lost and is not something I take lightly, hence why it's a dealbreaker for me.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    This is what I have an issue with and why I have extreme reservation in terms of marrying a non-virgin. 

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    That doesn't make me feel special, and it doesn't make sex seem like something that is intimate and done between two people that love each other,  it makes me feel like I'm another person on his list of people he's slept with and that for me is disgusting and trashy. It's disgusting to think that he's performed such intimate acts on another human being and then "claims" that it's special with me :wacko: I can't physically fathom having sex with someone who isn't my husband to the point where I feel almost sick. I don't understand why people can have sexual desires to engage in activities with people that they aren't married to. That's what I need to get over and frankly someone telling me they love me isn't going to be enough.

    You seem to have your mind made up in the first two comments and I wonder why you even made this post?…but then the last two statements seem to be contradictory because it’s a possibility.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    It's like when there is adultery in a relationship, the relationship changes forever and it will never be the same again. The couple has to find a new normal to accommodate for the adultery and help in the process of rebuilding trust. For me I view non-virginity in the same way, I would have to find a new normal to accommodate for the lack of trust I would have to them in that department.

    Sorry but you can’t be comparing non-virgins to adulterers. You say actions speak louder than words and that’s what you live by…Yet you’re not looking how different the actions are between an adulterer and a faithful person…let alone what’s going on in their heart

    An adulterer is in a monogamous relationship and breaks the vows/trust by literally having sex with another person/people…often times devastating their partner. Knowing this, they still chose to do it anyway. A faithful person who is in a sexually monogamous relationship has stayed loyal, committed and trustworthy to their partner and has not had devastated them by breaking their vows/trust. They could never hurt the person they are with in that way and have not broken any vows.  

    There is no comparison or valid logic to what you’re saying because the actions, heart and/or mindset between of an adulterer is completely different. lol :lol:The fact you view non-virgins the same as adulterers makes me wonder why you even made this post lol...this is a pretty a negative, close-minded and one dimensional perspective. Yeah it's probably best you find a virgin and there are definitely guys here that would be into you... have you tried going to churches, church functions and activities?...back when i dated i really liked this one church in particular because they had an amazing singles program that always did fun camping, volleyball, softball, picnics, target shooting, bonfires, volunteering in the local communities and a bunch of other stuff. It was good because it gave singles the chance to mingle outside of service

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    I know that you were also in that situation but it suggests to me that you didn't value virginty highly to begin with if you could lose it to someone who's had sex with 60 + people. That may or may not be true but that's how I view it.

    I grew up in a highly abusive house and got beat and battered by a full grown man for 16 years and maintaining my virginity up until I was 28 was even harder than going through that. I valued it within myself because I thought it was the right thing to do. In others I viewed it as something that will be between them and God. However, when my views changed I wanted to at least have sex with someone special and not just any girl...So I waited a few years until I found my ex. Like I said before I value the women, not her virginity. The number of partners has nothing to do with valuing my own virginity. It was her amazing qualities that I really liked...and of course I found her physically attractive.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    However I do value virginity in men. It's honestly rare to meet virgin men nowadays (I still haven't met one in real life) so I would value it in that sense too and have much more respect for them.

    Well you’re on the right website for finding a virgin man. I know there are several male members in the UK. I think there is a section on the site where you can post your location…That would be a great place for you to look…and maybe send them a friendly cheerio mate…(lol I could not help myself and I know that’s not a common British greeting…or at that is what other Brits have told me) from there hopefully they will pursue you :)

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    By exclusivity I mean that they have not been with any other person sexually but you. There is something special and sacred about that and I believe that it lost when one person is a virgin and the other isn't.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    For me this is what constitutes real intimacy and is the way that God intended it.  Everything else falls short of that mark.

    Ok I gotcha you want to be the first and only experience. Well I have said it a few times now and I hope you find a virgin husband…you’re in the right place for it. What is the “something” that you mention? What is it? Where did you get the idea that “it” (whatever you’re referring to) is lost? I am guessing you’re referring to an abstract element of some kind. If a person completes their SO…meaning in every measurable way the SO is satisfied with them, would not change a single thing about them and wants to commit the rest of their life to them…then to that SO nothing is lost but rather found. I struggle to see how anyone could still choose to feel like something is lost when they complete another person. When a person puts the needs of their SO above their own desires, many times that can totally change their personal views on what they thought was important.

    Maybe that is one of several methods for experiencing real intimacy but it certainly is not the only way. God could have intended that in a world without sin and injustice but once the fall of man occurred, I don’t think God will have the same standards for imperfect beings. I think Christ set the perfect example for what real love and intimacy is. It was the abstract elements that set Him apart from everyone. His love, empathy, compassion, grace, mercy and forgiveness He showed to sinners/ those in suffering.  

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    The non-virgin brings along with them sexual baggage and the lack of sexual exclusivity to the relationship.

    Yeah again this is definitely a case by case basis and not an absolute. Plenty of people have normal and healthy sexual experiences without any baggage. In that case it’s only baggage if the other person makes it a problem. The same thing can apply to virgins who lack emotional exclusivity…it mostly depends on whether or not that person is over their ex and fully committed to their new partner and if that new partner has the qualities/traits to handle things from the past.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    There is always a 3rd option, choose neither. Both involve settling and for me (assuming they are male obviously) they both have qualities that I would find unattractive in a spouse. Like I said before, just because someone is a virgin doesn't make them better but it does make it more likely that they would be (although in this situation that would not be the case for Person A). Person B however makes me doubt that they seriously understand how highly I value sexual intimacy. 

    I think you completely missed the point in my hypothetical example, which showed that someone’s actions alone does not determine their ability to give all of themself but rather their heart/mind. In the example I gave, despite the virgin’s actions to remain celibate, she would not be able to give all of herself because she is settling…which is the state of her heart/mind. I did not personally ask how you would view the hypothetical situation because I figured you would automatically think about your deal-barkers and miss the opportunity to see another person's view, which is why I said not to question the details. I was answering your question about what are my deal-breakers.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    For me, I'm not concerned about pleasing him sexually; that's something I'll learn how to do and will be happy to do as his wife and I hope he would be the same with me. What will be lost is the opportunity to learn about each other together and only each other. The sacredness of sex being between just the two of us as husband and wife exclusively is forever lost and is not something I take lightly, hence why it's a dealbreaker for me. He as a non-virgin would be bringing to the relationship information and techniques he's learnt and used on other women.

    If two non-virgins or one virgin and non-virgin wtm, they will be able to still learn what each other likes…unless they give exact step by step instructions on what to do and the exact technique…lol and that would be really boring..well at least for me…so unless that is the case, they will have to explore their partner’s body and pay attention to what they like and how they like it. We are not all carbon copies of one another and subsequently will respond differently to different people and things.

    On 11/24/2017 at 4:04 PM, BlackRose said:

    I've never had a crush or been sexually turned on by another person so I cannot sympathise with any reason a person would give as to why they had sex before or outside of a marriage context - period.

    Well that explains pretty much everything.

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  6. Hey if I was a girl, I’d totally be into you…Although, if I was a girl, I’d probably look hideous and you would probably avoid me : p lol jk jk jk

    Sorry I don’t have anything profound to say but the first thing that pops into my mind is the “5 Whys” root cause analysis method used in six sigma. You can definitely use parts of that problem solving method in your personal life. It is good because it tailors solutions to the source of the problem…instead of how the problem is manifested. So maybe this method could help you find a wife...and if it does, I expect to be at the wedding and that you name your first born child after me.…those terms are non-negotiable.   Ohh and Let’s call it adjusting your dream/s, not giving up.   

    On 11/24/2017 at 3:10 AM, Invincible said:

    I also don't want to be too old by the time they all reach adulthood and independence. 

    Not sure if this helps but there are plenty of older parents who are healthy and able to be active in the lives of their adult children. I’d say just focus on maintaining your health for the long run.

    On 11/24/2017 at 3:10 AM, Invincible said:

    Yet at the same time, I won't likely be able to enjoy much of a sex life because I'll have to jump into parenthood right from the get go. Being a parent tends to put a huge damper on a couple's sex life. So sex will be a rare occurrence, like once a decade rare. That's just the way it is.

    I see this being true if one of you works a normal 8-5 and the other works some sort of a night shift. Otherwise, no matter how busy you are, you should be able set aside an hour…ideally every day for “mommy and daddy time”. Sure it will get interrupted but that should be expected. I don’t care if that means you have to wake up an hour earlier or go to bed an hour later…You have to make time for yourselves and as long as you two agree to something like this, I think you can still have a very active and satisfying sex life.

    On 11/24/2017 at 3:10 AM, Invincible said:

    But I also don't want to put undue pressure on my future wife for sex since she will likely be exhausted a lot from taking care of our children all day.

    She will know going into the marriage you will need it often…If you marry a women who has passion for the needs of her husband, she should not see it as pressure…but rather a gift that she is excited to share with you. Typically, a passionate person will not view being tired (within reason) as a reason to neglect the emotional or sexual needs of their partner. They will try to find ways to make something work if there are challenges in the way. (BTW if you find this unicorn woman, please capture her alive so we can take her to the lab that cloned Dolly, back in 1996.) JK. Sure there will be days when someone exhausted and that is why you take turns giving to one another. If you’re both too tired to do anything, then you can lay back, cuddle with your wife, enjoy her company and be glad you’re no longer single.  

    However, some people can place their ENTIRE identity in becoming a parent, if that happens, your needs can get sidelined because the child is now far more important.

    On 11/24/2017 at 3:10 AM, Invincible said:

    As much as I would want sex, I would rather she have it with me because she joyfully wants it, not because she begrudgingly goes along as a chore.

    Totally hear you on this one. I think you need to make sure the girl you’re dating will have passion for her husband’s needs…this is not the same as love or having a caring disposition. There are plenty of people that love their spouses but neglect their sexual needs. Or they have a caring attitude but they don’t have passion when addressing their spouse’s needs. My ex was a loving and caring person but one main reason I could not marry her was because the only sexual passion she had was for her needs. She never had to ask for anything because I was giving to her and when she got what she wanted, she would roll over and be done or want something else…Then I would be left high and dry…I had to ask every single time for the things I needed…she’d say fine, roll her eyes, had no fun, would rush it and try to get things over with…there was no pride in what she was doing and she did not seem to care if she was good at the things I liked. So yeah if you’re anything like me, I can assure you being treated like an unwanted chore is a total a buzz kill. Honestly, after a while sex did not even feel good. I think that’s because the mental aspect is so important…well at least for me.

    I don’t know if this will make sense online….but there was a time when I wondered if this is what it’s like to have sex with a prostitute. I don’t imagine prostitutes would actually have fun, be excited, eager, joyful…If that is generally true for prostitutes, then what’s the difference? They both would doing the same sexual acts (hypothetically speaking of course) with the same attitude…Is the currency the only difference? I’d have to pay a prostitute in cash and my ex with the relationship? The way I saw it was a prostitute might have the mindset of…….I have to do this because im getting paid to do a job…Ideally, I think a passionate SO should have the mindset of….I get to do this with my partner! I can’t wait see him/her and _________.  I remembered seeing undercover prostitution stings on reality law enforcement tv shows and the guys always asked the undercover prostitute what and how sadly I realized how similar this seems to be…At least to me, this is why passion is so important...

    On 11/24/2017 at 3:10 AM, Invincible said:

    Now to be clear, I don't feel like I "deserve" a long and great sex life simply because I am waiting longer than the average person. I'm simply disappointed that I waited so long yet the wait would likely be anti-climatic in terms of the fruits of the wait.

    Waiting or not I think if you’re a good husband/father, you bet your ass you deserve a good sex life. Same goes for your wife.

    If you marry the unicorn I mentioned earlier lol…how will you be disappointed? I would like to think you would be elated. Look at it this way, you and your new wife will be all about each other and your friends will see that and some might be envious because they lost that spark, if they have been married for a long time.




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  7. On 7/1/2017 at 10:50 AM, BlackRose said:

    For myself, I could never even think of dating someone who isn't a virgin. I personally see it as getting the shorter end of the stick and I would rather be alone. If I'm not going to get 100% in that department, to me it seems like a waste of time.

    Virgins are also just as equally capable of not giving 100% in that department. This is why I believe this particular issue should be a case by case basis and not a blanketed belief…You have to truly know someone’s heart/mind to say you’re not getting all of them. However, virgin or non-virgin, if any one of these possibilities are true, then yes you would NOT be getting 100% of a man’s love or sexual intimacy…and subsequently you would be getting short changed:

    1. He is physically or sexually settling for you
    2. He is still in love with his previous partner/s
    3. A combination of 1 & 2

    I am not a virgin but if I ever get married, my hypothetical wife will unequivocally know she is getting ALL 100% of me and not the short end of any stick. She would know this because my passion and love for her would be absolute, she would see this through my actions and feelings towards her, she would know and see that I am not settling for her and because I would want to commit the rest of my life to only her and no other woman.

    If she told me I was not giving her 100% of myself, then she is claiming to know my own heart/mind better than myself or calling me a liar...either way, both are bad. Imagine if you were in a relationship and loved your bf and really wanted him to propose to you…but he says “You don’t love me.”  That would probably frustrate you because he can’t tell you…how you feel for him.

    On 7/1/2017 at 10:50 AM, BlackRose said:

    Why is a person not being a virgin not a deal-breaker for you?

    1. The main reason is because if I ever get married, I will make sure my wife will not be physically or sexually settling for me. So to me it does not matter how many men she has slept with…Sure if she’s a virgin, then great…it is just a bonus but nothing more.
    2. I value the woman I’m with, not her virginity.  
    3. I am also confident and secure with my body and that is why I would not be bothered by other men my hypothetical wife had sex with. I will hope she was treated well during her sexual past, hope she had fun and I will do my very very very best to make sure I am the best possible husband to her in the bedroom and outside the bedroom.
    On 7/1/2017 at 10:50 AM, BlackRose said:

    How do you/would you actively get over the fact that they have had other sexual partners

    I am not sure I understand this question…sorry I’m slow:blink:…If you’re referring to getting 100%, well you already have my 0.02 cents on that. If not and you’re referring to something else, then I’ll share some personal experience from when I was a virgin.

    When I met my ex, I was as virgin as they came lol, I never kissed, touched or did anything with a woman. She is my only physical, sexual and emotional experience. She on the other hand had sex with more than 60 men. We were together for about 3.5 years and I was her longest relationship. During that time, I knew she was sexually satisfied with me. We had a happy, healthy, committed and monogamous relationship. When it ended, it was very amicable. I could have married her but at the end of the day there were some major incompatibility issues, which had nothing to do with her sexual history.

    So the way I see it, when you are confident and secure with your body, when you know your partner loves you and is not physically or sexually settling for you, he/she accepts you as is, when you know you’re able to satisfy your partner, hopefully then you realize you have nothing to get over. Knowing this, if I chose for some reason to let my ex’s past become a problem, then at that point I would be the one creating a problem in the relationship.

    I would also add that knowing what constitutes as good sex and what is bad, is very helpful. It can alleviate the fears of the unknown. This is where you are lucky being a woman. Virgin or non-virgin, most men are really easy to satisfy in that department.…Once you know what his sexual needs are, just have passion and fun when addressing his needs…Enjoy and have fun when giving to him, don’t make him ask for the things you know he enjoys/needs, show him you care about being good, be happy, excited and joyful when you are giving. (obviously the same goes for him:) If you can do that, you will rock his world. So what's to get over? This is easy! :)

    On 7/1/2017 at 10:50 AM, BlackRose said:

    you have not i.e. the lack of exclusivity that will never be truly present in your relationship should you choose to marry them? 

    I thought exclusivity means that when you’re in a relationship, it’s completely monogamous?  Not an open marriage where the wife/husband can sleep with other people. In the present and future tense, they will remain exclusive and faithful to one another.

    On 7/1/2017 at 10:50 AM, BlackRose said:

    What is your deal-breaker since I assume it is something else? 

    Non-obvious deal-breaker: Would be if a woman is settling for me. I don’t care about how many sexual partners she has had but if she’s settling for me then she will not become my wife.

    Settling - To me this is when your SO has to make a sacrifice (not a compromise…massive difference) to be with you. I have noticed two criteria present when this happens to people:

    1. It is outside of the person’s ability to fulfill or meet the sacrifice their SO made.
    2. The SO will always yearn, desire and want the thing/s they sacrificed.

    The result of this means the person settling will usually not be happy and/or fulfilled with the relationship.

    Let’s say for example, I hypothetically was in a situation and had to choose between two women… lol:lol: and don’t question the details, just go along with it…They are both identical except in the following ways:

    -  Woman A is a virgin and she loves me. However, she is not physically or sexually attracted to me. She sexually desires a completely different type of man and she knows she always will. Subsequently, she also knows her ability to orgasm or to even be sexually satisfied by me will be greatly hindered…but she is willing to make that sacrifice because she is older, single and tired of being alone…So she is willing to settle because she views me as the “nice guy”...and something is better than nothing.

    -  Woman B has over 100 sexual partners (STD/Child free) and she too loves me. However, she would NOT be physically or sexually settling for me and subsequently knows she will be satisfied by me. She too is older, lonely and wants to find someone to be with.

    I will choose woman B without a shadow of a doubt...Every time. I want to be with someone who can accept me the way I am. Someone who will not have to make a sacrifice just to be with me. That is a person I will be able to satisfy and someone who will be able to give me 100%. Woman A would always wish or prefer I would be someone I can never become. Furthermore, since she made a sacrifice to be with me, there will always be something missing. Woman A is someone I struggle to see being able to give me 100% of herself, despite being a virgin.

    Obvious deal breakers: A women who only has passion for her sexual needs and not mine, STDs that are incurable, not over her ex’s, lots of babies, wanting a sexually open and/or a non-exclusive marriage, sexual narcissism, violent and/or painful sex, I don’t think I would have anything against role playing (never done it) but if she needs/wants it I could do it…but it can’t be anything gross and taboo, which those details would be discussed way before marriage…or infrequent sex….yeah I have an insatiable drive so I won’t be able to keep my grubby hands off of her haha.:wub:   (i actually don't have grubby hands...they are clean and always have my nails clipped)

    On 7/1/2017 at 10:50 AM, BlackRose said:

    Firstly this does not include rape victims or those who have been sexually assaulted because I believe that an important aspect in losing your virginity should be the fact that is consensual.

    Thank you for this. While I am not a victim, I have read some extremely disturbing posts from some members discussing this topic…let’s just say they displayed the least empathetic response one could have.

    On 7/1/2017 at 10:50 AM, BlackRose said:

    I recognise that there are other things to consider when deciding to date (and therefore marry a person) like faith, integrity, faithfulness, ability to raise children, views on controversial topics etc but the way I see it is, if we can't get over the first hurdle then the others don't matter. This excludes faith though, they must be Christian first and foremost.

    What if God wants you to marry a non-virgin? Are you open to what He may want for you, even if that differs from what you want?....These are just rhetorical questions.

    1 person likes this

  8. Interesting topic. Does giving a complement count as flirting? If I had a GF and she told some guy he looks nice, he’s smart, he’s in shape or whatever, I would not think anything of it.

    I agree with most of what you said. However, I do think there are instances when you can have harmless flirting…It definitely depends on the degree of flirtation, the couple and is a case by case basis kind of thing. Personally, I never flirted with any woman when I was with my ex. So off the top of my head, if I was in a relationship and my hypothetical GF was flirting, here are two deal breaking red flags:

    1)      People that are narcissistic and flirt, do this because it inflates their egos. When they get attention back, they think they are amazing, better than other men/women or they are just so desirable. These people will place their egos first in the relationship. The only passion they have is for themselves and not their partner. So if my hypothetical gf was flirting because she is a narcissist, then she will never become my wife.

    2)      If she flirting with guys who are nothing like me and she is showing strong sexual interest, then she is most likely settling for me. Basically, I am only the nice guy and she wants something from me or she is using me to fill some void in her life…i.e. a family, money, husband, emotional security, loneliness and/or et cetera…Therefore she is willing to sacrifice some of her preferences, desires or needs even though she will always yearn for those things… If her flirtation is an indication of settlement, then she will never become my wife.

  9. My parents are an interracial couple. One is from North Africa and the other is of Nordic European decent. I have never met anyone that is the same mix as me lol.

    On 4/28/2012 at 8:58 PM, truelovewaits said:

    'cater to men' better. Any thoughts?

    Hmm…pertaining to Asian women…the only people I can recall suggesting something similar to this are Korean moms I have run into.

    I have heard from many other races that depending on the location, Hispanic women are the ones like this and they are very passionate/ selfless when in a relationship…So when I had to move to Texas for a few years for work, lol naturally I was pretty excited about that part.

    On 5/10/2012 at 8:39 AM, Darius said:

    People from a different ethnic background usually have a different cultural background as well. That probably makes it more or less difficult to maintain such a relationship.

    When I first read this, I totally agreed with it. There have been clashes and challenges in my family that seemed to be due to cultural differences. However, the more I thought about it, I think at the end of the day it comes down to your personality and character…how do you handle the cultural differences…conflict…tension? Are you a good person? I think those are the things that allows families to get along…not your racial/ethnic/cultural similarities. Heck there are families of the same cultural background that don’t get along.

    On 4/28/2012 at 10:39 PM, Invincible said:

    Interracial relationships are often frowned upon in many Asian families (mine isn't like that though).

    Growing up, one of my best friends lived in my neighborhood and his parents emigrated from Japan. So for about 15 years I got some fun exposure to the Japanese community and culture…OMG his mom made some of the best food I have ever had in my life! Man…looking back at it, I was such a little, free loading mooch… I was always over for dinner.  

    Their parents were so polite, they were actually difficult to read. It felt like they were often thinking one thing but did not want to show it…if that makes sense. They had to be more liberal than the other Japanese parents. Anyway, interracial dating in that community was a definite NO...sons/daughters did not matter. I am not saying all Japanese were like that…just the community I was exposed to. Many of the parents within the Japanese community did not even want their children interacting with non-Japanese kids outside of school. This was only an issue with the parents, not the kids. The kids just treated me like a normal kid…so yeah lol that issue came up a few times because I have 0 Japanese DNA.

    However, in the past I have had several Korean mothers that I hardly knew! basically offer me their daughters…They would straight up ask me if I have a wife? Do I want a wife? Their daughters are single and then tell me all about their amazing domestic/academic skills. Yeah those Korean moms had 0 reservations about their daughters dating/marrying a non-Korean man. Talk about a stark contrast between Asian cultures. No Japanese mom I knew at that time would ever be that direct….lmao...ever!

    On 4/28/2012 at 10:39 PM, Invincible said:

    In their eyes, their daughter would be "marrying up" as opposed to say, an Asian guy.

    I recently heard Ben Shapiro discussing taxation…And he said that Asian American’s are the least unemployed group and they earn the highest wages…So Actually you would think their idea of marrying up would be reversed, if you’re going off of a national average.

    On 4/28/2012 at 10:39 PM, Invincible said:

    Asian women on the other hand, are stereotyped as being submissive, sexually exotic and eager to please, which is apparently what many white men find attractive. So when people say they "cater to men better," this is why.

    Hmm…this is very interesting and I did not know that. I wonder if the idea of Asian woman they have is influenced by porn? I guess I never asked guys that like Asian women…why they find them so attractive. I actually would have thought it's because Asian women might be more petite and that makes the guy feel more masculine, strong and/or macho or whatever.

    On 4/28/2012 at 10:39 PM, Invincible said:

    Actually Asian women seem to be the envy of pretty much every kind of guy out there. I've talked with a lot of guys of different races and they all find Asian women attractive

    This I have definitely noticed and white women are a very close second. For me, white and Hispanic women are usually what I am attracted to. They usually seem to have the things I find attractive.

    On 4/28/2012 at 10:39 PM, Invincible said:

    But it's the complete opposite when it comes to Asian guys in terms of desirability.

    On 4/28/2012 at 10:39 PM, Invincible said:

    When you look at how the media portrays us, it's really not a surprise.

    Yeah I have definitely noticed this as well. However, my ex was white and she found Asian men to be the most attractive race…She talked about them all the time… But yeah movies like the hang over really do not help with the stereotyping...or that show two broke girls...(i hated that show but my ex loved watching it)


  10. Yet another post that seems to indicate the importance for you women to date/marry men who are confident/secure with their bodies, especially if you have any sexual history...Otherwise, the guy will worry he's not as pleasurable as your previous partners and this will only become toxic in the relationship....smh... Although, this is important regardless of gender because a man/woman will feel more comfortable communicating/taking on difficult topics with a partner who is confident/secure. They will know their partner is mentally strong and will be able to handle difficult situations. Goodness there seems to be lots of these posts.

    From what you posted, it seems like you both are wrong and have equal amounts of fault, in this very unfortunate situation.

    On 11/4/2017 at 0:26 PM, Wyhunter said:

    However, I never felt like she was telling me the complete truth.

    Why on earth would you marry someone who you think is lying to you...Especially when you knew full well it would be something really difficult for you to handle if she was lying? You accepted the risk and now you need to accept the consequences of that decision. And she never should have lied either...And the lie she was telling is truly appalling.

    On 11/4/2017 at 0:26 PM, Wyhunter said:

    I had talked with my wife while we were dating about sex and asked if she had been with another guy sexually. I explained that I would have difficulties marrying a non-waiter.

    Why would this be difficult for you? If a man is confident with his body, he should not be bothered by the other men his wife/gf had sex with (assuming she’s STD/child free). He will hope she was treated well during those times and be happy he is with a women who currently shares his beliefs, values and morals. Because he loves her, he will focus on being the best possible man to her and excited he found an amazing woman to spend the rest of his life with.

    If you were not confident and had security issues with yourself, why did you get married? That should have been addressed first and then think about marriage. It's all under personal responsibility. It is no different than having your finances in order before you get married.

    On 11/4/2017 at 0:26 PM, Wyhunter said:

    I explained that I would have difficulties marrying a non-waiter.

    She waited with you right? So no problems :)

    On 11/4/2017 at 0:26 PM, Wyhunter said:

    I understand that rape is not a part of non-waiting. It was not her choice and I had my own problems with this in my early years.

    The only thing a confident and loving man/women should feel when their partner tells them they are a rape victim is empathy, sadness, helplessness, a desire to help and et cetera. She’s the alleged victim who got raped, not you. How would you feel if she had problems with you, after you got raped? Despite the appalling fact she lied about this, your reaction and feelings to this are still extremely telling and important...As they might indicate you were not ready to get married. Can you explain what your problems were?

    On 11/4/2017 at 0:26 PM, Wyhunter said:

    Well I stayed and swallowed my pride and relearned to love her again even with my hurt trust.

    You have every right to be mad because she lied to you, very disappointed that completely disrespected actual rape victims by using their pain, suffering and tragedy for her own agenda or frustrated that you waited and she did not. However, that should not have made you fall out of love with your wife. I find it hard to believe you actually loved her in the first place, if you could be so quick to not love her... It seems like you might have loved the idea of her virginity and not the actual woman you were dating.


    If she is sexually satisfied and happy with you, then why choose to let her previous partners bother you? This is when you should take some time to work on yourself by developing confidence (If that is the problem)…and learn to be secure with your body. If you continue to choose to let it bother you, then you’re the one making an already bad situation worse.

  11. I have been cutting my own hair for almost 20 I hated going to Great Clips for a whole list of of which...I felt it was ridiculous having to tip them when I felt they did a really bad job...or when they would go outside for a smoke break during the middle of my hair cut...seriously who does that? I guess they felt they could get away with it because i was a kid at the time...

    Anyway, cutting the hair on the back of my head is a pain in the tuchas. So if my hypothetical wife would take over that, I would do any chores for her. Whatever they are, if it makes her happy, then it makes me want to do it even more :)

    On 1/24/2013 at 7:56 PM, Invincible said:

    Then I hope you two won't mind returning the favor to your husbands by being shirtless while doing the laundry :D


    Next person on WTM who says they are struggling with depression, I will tell them to read your jokes lol and all will be well:lol:

    1 person likes this

  12. On 8/7/2017 at 11:08 PM, Jasmine23 said:

    Seriously what's going on with the site? Can we get an update if the site will continue or not? What is going on with typing in the website in browser? I usually type in and come straight here but instead I get a redirection to "godaddy" which is creepy and now I have to type in I feel like the site is getting shut down. If anyone is leaving feel free to message me so we can all exchange info and talk outside of here.... 

    Hmm interesting... lol and yes, Jasmine I am actually quoting you this time....So this is not too relevant but when I click on the sign in button, I always get an obnoxious pop that locks up my entire browser, warning me that I have a virus and to call some 1-800- B.S number...which is probably from Nigeria...So i would have to go into my task manager and forcibly shutdown my browser and then start it back up. I am running bitdefender + Malwarebytes and only experience this issue on WTM and never any other sites... Fortunately, firefox must have done some sort of an update and now blocks the popups...iv always wondered if the site would one day crash. Are there currently people that keep it running behind the scenes?

    1 person likes this

  13. OMG this thread has some of the funniest comments:lol:

    For my wife, not even a problem...but the mom and sister thing....ohh lord I am pretty sure a zombie apocalypses would have to take place and even then they might not ask....if for some reason I had to...I think that is one of the few times my wife would hear me say..."I am not in the mood...can it wait" lol...

    I am not saying this is a valid reason but more of an explanation as to why getting them for my mom/sister would really really really really gross me out....I was raised in a culture and family that completely sexualized a women's body. So as a result getting something that is going into their _______ is just.........*shivers*...ok i can't even finish this sentence.... I am sure if i was raised where a women's body was not sexualized and more from a natural/functional perspective, then i would not have an issue with getting them for my family members.

    On 10/1/2014 at 7:48 PM, Invincible said:

    Roast beef :D

    I about fell out of my chair when I read this lololololol...If the pun was intended, then absolutely hilarious....If not, then nevermind and don't look it up lol.

  14. Applicant Tracking System. ATS's are now used by almost every company in the US...with the exception of small business owners that can't afford the programs. An ATS tracks, manages and organizes all the applications for the employer. The main purpose of an ATS is to match your application/resume to the job posting. For example, many employers program their ATS to only show HR the applications that scored a 90% or higher. If you're not getting called back, I am certain it's because you're not getting past the ATS. (assuming you dont have a felony record)

    I can promise you this, if you do not understand how to tailor your job application/resume to score above a 90%.... (and you're not networking) you can fill out hundreds of applications and won't get one call back....because HR will never even see your application/resume. I used   , to learn more about ATSs. I signed up for their service and utilized all of their tools. Then I started to getting calls and interviews. Obviously that does not guarantee a job...but at least you know your application/resume is getting seen by HR.



  15. Regarding sexual activity, Dr. Lisa Masterson (OBGYN) has answered this question and said it is 100% FALSE. Some women will naturally be tighter, looser and/or deeper than others but this has nothing to do with number of partners or a man’s endowment. The largest penis is not even close in circumference to a normal baby. She said the only factors that can affect a women’s tightness is a lot of childbirth and menopause. For childbirth, there would have to be some pretty extreme circumstances for this to have a permanent effect.

    Don’t use porn as a gauge for anything. There is nothing average or normal about most porn. Their objective is to sell fantasy, not reality. As far as the friction, both men/women produce natural lubricants during sexual arousal…Also, they probably had lube on set…after all they were making a porno.

    On 4/26/2012 at 9:02 PM, Claire said:

    It is widely assumed in modern culture that having sex with a woman who's had a lot of sex (a porn star, for example) is not as pleasurable for the man, because her vagina has been stretched so frequently that it's lost a lot of its original elasticity. As Naturally pointed out, the woman is no longer 'tight' down there, so there is less resistance and stimulation for the man's penis. For the man, it is said to feel about as exciting as tossing a hot dog down a hallway...

    I agree this is the most typical usage behind the term. I have had one sexual partner so not a great deal of experience... but right before my ex and I started dating, she had 60+ sexual partners in about 1.5 years period of time…There was Zero looseness because the vagina returns to its natural state

  16. 3 hours ago, seabutterfly said:

    I can only go on my computer because I don't want to download the app

    Hmmm i always wondered if they have an app but never actually looked for it haha...i guess you just answered one of my many random questions.

    1 person likes this

  17. That was indeed a typo on my part...I was watching another video where the poster had a good play on words using different spelling for his name. I was thinking about how clever I thought it was...and I ended up typing what I was thinking haha. Thank you for the catch. :)

  18. You're too smart and young to give up and you have a great career that allows you to live anywhere.:) When you're an old man looking back at your life, you will be bitter, depressed and resentful if you gave up. Worst of all, you will have to deal with the question of... what would have happened if I wasn't a quitter? However, you will not regret giving that search your best effort.

    3 people like this

  19. @redgrapes Ok turtle update! I found a great person to watch him for the winter! She has a lot of experience working with reptiles and will release him in the spring:D

    Since this is the random section...I might as well keep the randomness going...Since you're vegan, I thought I would share this with you...I found these amazing vegan and vegetarian burritos from a company called sweet earth and they actually taste good too!

    1 person likes this

  20. @redgrapes Yep they are baby alligator snapping turtles. They look like little dinosaurs. I Can't believe you got to see the mother laying the eggs! I have never seen them in the wild before only online or maybe at the zoo. I don't live in the south so I think they are a bit rare in my state. I have no idea how this little guy can survive a winter..especially, if it's a cold one?

    BTW you took some great pics : p

    11 hours ago, redgrapes said:

    Where did you find your turtle?

    I was out taking a walk on a trail I normally go to and found him/her in the middle of the path. I still have no idea how the heck I even saw it among the rocks??? I guess God wanted me to rescue it haha...It's not like I was out looking form them. I did not even know we had them. The poor little guy's mom did not pick a good spot to lay her eggs because It often drys up.

    11 hours ago, redgrapes said:

    What did you do with it?

    I'll let you know how the soup turns out ;)




    I will see if someone wants to care for it until it gets a bit bigger and then release it in a spot where it stands a better chance of survival or I'll contact the conservation department...I feel so bad just releasing it when I know it's going to get below freezing for at least 3 months.

    I know the perfect person for it but if she can't take him, then I'll send the little guy to you :)

    1 person likes this

  21. Hopefully I don’t have kids with them both!!?!?!?!?! Dear God that would suck.

    @Invincible Thanks for the thought provoking scenario. It helps me to better understand myself, which would benefit my hypothetical marriage one day….The older I get, the more hypothetical it’s becoming haha

    This is one of those situations most people don’t truly know what they would do/feel until they go through it. I do not know for sure but here is my best guess:

    I agree with the above comment…I’ll just have to go full on Dexter on wife 2. After I’m done burying the body somewhere in the woods, I’ll rake in that life insurance policy and splurge on wife 1…haha kidding.

    Personally, my love for each of them would be unequivocally EQUAL. That being said…I think I would stay with wife 2. That would be totally unfair if I chose to end our marriage for another women. UNTIL DEATH DO US PART…so if wife 1 is reasonable presumed dead, I honored that first commitment and unfortunately it abruptly ended…so it’s now over… I would like to think I would honor my new commitment with the same integrity and remain faithful to wife 2.  

    If I had kids with them both? That is probably the only time I’d think about a polygamous marriage lol…Only if they were both ok with that idea.

    Maybe you can do another post from the women’s point of view?….wife 1 has 2 children with her husband and one day they are kidnapped for ransom. The money was not delivered on time and the kidnappers fake the execution of wife 1 and the 2 kids. They are presumed dead. Several years later they are released but she finds her husband remarried and has 2 kids with wife 2….

    Ladies, what do you do if you’re wife 1? Could you do a polygamous marriage if wife 2 is 100% ok with it? Do you move on and remarry but keep in touch with him because he is the bio dad to his kids? Do you stay single but let him be a part of the kids’ lives? Would you be tempted to still have sex with him, despite knowing he’s with wife 2 or would all feelings of love and intimacy be over?

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