Daisetsuu

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About Daisetsuu

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  1. Hi all, this is a long story and so I shall get straight to the point. I, a 23 year old man was dating a 20 year old girl for a year and a half, I was planning to propose 3 months ago. We broke up due to her lies about her past and her toxic traits that sprung out of the relationship. I'm currently dealing with the emotional aftermath of giving her my virginity and the emotional fact of betrayal and possible instances of cheating (thats another topic for another day) as I thought she was a virgin (she said she had non-consensual sex in her teens with one guy before) and I told her that she is still pure of heart and that it doesn't count. Later on, I found out that it wasn't a one time thing and there were times it was consensual, she was in fact in contact with the guy the entirety of our relationship (the guy was a relative). So my heart sank and I was hurt that I was lied to. Yes we have had sex and I regret it immensely, it was one of the reasons why we were moving towards marriage. I felt guilty for having sex and I didn't want to break up with her and leave her "impure" I thought in my mind, for the other guy. I wanted to right my wrongs and marry her. My logical reason behind this was that we both gave each other our virginity and in the OT, when the man has sex before marriage with the woman, He is required to marry her. That with love mixed with guilt and shame, I was preparing to propose until God showed someone I know a vision about the truth and months later my spirit told me she is hiding a lot from her past. So I confronted her about it and she tried to hide that she lied, when I told her the contents of the vision and what I sensed, she spilled the beans. So when I thought she was a virgin, she wasn't. In the beginning of our relationship ( about 2 months in) the topic of past came up and I told her that I desired to be with someone who is a virgin like me. Same sexual history and all of that. She told me she wasn't and it was a forced encounter (rape) later on, at the time I told her that she was indeed a virgin and that we should NOT count rape as taking your virginity or making you "impure", well I found out It wasn't really a forced encounter but a consensual sexual one. In the past, when I believed her lies I thought it was rape, and told her that she should report it, she refused and said all is forgiven and defended the rapist by saying God forgives and He has changed. When she came clean and I realized it wasn't what she purposed it to be, everything made sense. I told her I was angry and felt betrayed because I gave her my virginity and trusted everything she told me. I thought that she was one. I was not her first time. Now I am no freak who has a virgin fetish, I just wanted to stay a virgin and wait till marriage with someone else but I was lied to and I gave in under weakness. There were signs, when we first had sex, she felt no regret but I did. There were times when she even implied that if we stop having sex, her love for me will change (trying to bait me into having sex with her). I'm hurt and also sick that she lied about who the person was (claims it was friend of family but in actuality a relative she had a scandal with, not blood relative though as she is adopted). She later said she at first wanted to do the right thing as well but it was a "heat of the moment" thing when I asked her about it. I feel sick writing this but I say this to condense a year and a half worth of events and pain. She hasn't told me everything and I'm sure there is much more to the story. Now my questions is, how do I overcome the pain and lies I've witnessed, I think I will have severe trust issues from this experience and most importantly, I still desire to be with a virgin even if I am not one. I know I was lied to, but it was still a choice (even under weakness) is it wrong? If I meet a girl who has been in my shoes and was lied to and wanted to marry her and has repented than, I will consider the case and everything involved but I think, who am I to call unclean which God has called clean. But, again, is it wrong to still look for a virgin? I am torn. Please help, I find it hard to sleep at night every since I found out the truth and the reality of what I've done.
  2. I just want to say that you are freakin awesome and I pray to God I really met someone like you, I'm in your position. I wonder if I'll ever find a true Woman of God. Every Woman I thought was going after God's heart eventually showed that they were going after other things, I sometimes feel alone, like is there another woman who shares the same desire to please Christ? it saddens me...BUT! I shan't give up hope. She is out there, waiting for me.