Everything posted by AmandaL1985
Hi! My name is Amanda. I'm from the US. Divorced and a single mother of two. I've committed to waiting until marriage to have intercourse again. I made this decision after an inner healing session about five weeks ago. A lot of traumas from my past led me to lead a not so honorable life but I confessed, prayed - a lot, asked God what he thinks of me, then asked him to make me the person he wants me to be. I feel cleansed of my past and despite my previous lifestyle I have found it easy to commit to abstinence. God has lifted the burden and I feel great about my decision. As time as moved along I have also decided that I'm done dating. I looked into courtship and have decided that is my best route. I know this all sounds insane and against the stream of society and current beliefs. Some have called me crazy and said I'll die alone and others are congratulating me and inspiring me. Anyhow...lots of changes to come for me! All in the process and in the works :-) Nice to meet you all! - Amanda
Wow...so you've already gotten quite a few responses but here are mine for you! (For what it's worth) Rape is definitely an assault. It is an invasion of ones body. So much is stolen when one is raped. She has given nothing to him, he stole from her. What losing your virginity means to me: It is the highest level of intimacy you can give to another individual. But it must be given, willingly. When you give yourself to your partner you're allowing them to know every part of you, become one with you. Before this event, during and after, there is trust, love, desire to unite, happiness. You feel complete. I can assure you, she felt none of these things with her rapist. I hope she's not reading this because the following could cause triggers..but rape will make you feel like you've lost yourself, your self worth, your dignity, your purity. She may feel like she's not worthy of you because of her past experience. But you've got to remember. He stole from her. She is still the awesome, beautiful individual that you have met and gotten to know and who you are now calling your best friend. She is not what happened to her. Rape does not define her. No, he does not count as someone she's had sex with. Because she didn't. Her body was violated. So you buy a new car (new to you), the previous owner put miles on it obviously. Are you going to hold a grudge against the car? Are you going to reject it because it's not right out of the factory? It's not the cars fault, right? Probably not a great analogy...cause obviously the two scenarios do not compare...but, just saying. She's at no fault in this situation. If everything else is perfect about her, don't let this situation taunt you. And actually, if you truly love her, then you're going to make her feel the way she should've always felt...from the very beginning....love her, care for her. She is just as vulnerable as any other unexperienced woman. Sounds to me like you've got a keeper. Don't let her go. Get over your own irrational thoughts... Honestly...I think she's being extremely patient with you..in my eyes, she's the victim here. She's the one who has been hurt and needs love and reassurance. Why are you turning this back on you? Making her console you? She was hurt. Not you.
Hey there...I'm real sorry about your situation. It never feels great to be deceived..it's hurtful and makes you wonder why/how someone could mistake you for being naÃ¯ve...the truth is, as we go through life we're always learning new things. About everything. And the only way to gain knowledge, is unfortunetly to go through bad/good experiences. On the plus side, we can always learn. There is always room for growth! I guess one thing I'm wondering about your post is...why exactly do you feel guilty? As far as I'm concerned, you were not in the wrong. At all. You opened your heart to her and gave her your all. She's the one who lied, deceived, and took advantage of you. She should be the one feeling guilty. She wronged you. Not the other way around. Always keep this in mind...you are in control of you and you only. You control the way you act towards others, the way you treat others. But..you cannot control others, their actions, their words, anything about anyone who is outside of yourself. One thing here that concerns me...is that because she hurt you...you may have lost trust in people. So, here's some advice. Reflect upon your relationship with her. Were there signs that she was lying? In the way she acted? The way she told her story to you? Were there ever times when you doubted what she was saying? Maybe you convinced yourself to believe her? Or worse, she convinced you, you should believe her? Look for the signs, remember these signs for future interactions with women and others. Go with your gut, don't second guess yourself. And, if it feels right with another woman in the future...then go for it again, give this new woman your all. But NEVER doubt yourself. Best of luck to you!