Faeries

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Everything posted by Faeries

  1. I'm glad to have found this site!

    Welcome to the forum @rotorgirl, and I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, but hopefully you'll find the support you need here.
  2. @Adam I actually did mean 90% of the time, lol. I don't know why I said 100%. I "cheat" once a week (well, that's what I did when I was actually following the diet). I wonder if going so hard with the diet is what caused me to not being able to get back to it at all. Although, when I did do it, I was really happy with myself, and I felt good. And I enjoyed my "cheat" day. I think that because cartoons can't rely on sex, murder, and whatever else, they have to focus more on actually being good (PIXAR). Although, I've had to cut some cartoons out due to the blatant suggestive themes that were very terribly hidden. Mostly because I think it's unnecessary and selfish of the adults who make them. Rocko's Modern Life is a no for me now. And in the decoder episode of Dexter's lab, Dede said something along the lines of ".... is for big idcks" (decode that). Wow. I still like DL though. Don't wanna derail this thread so I'm done. Anyway, I think the correlation between waiting and abstaining from other things is probably limited to things that are morally significant (to you, I suppose), and not just things that someone doesn't do for health, or personal preference. Otherwise, we can argue that a lot of people don't do a lot of things for various reasons, and most people aren't waiters, so there would be no connection there. I don't know where I'm going with this, lol.
  3. Hello, WTM

    Welcome to the forum!
  4. I only eat organic meat. I'm trying to eat clean 100%, but I have to work on it. Some foods are always calling for me. I don't watch the news either. I mostly just watch cartoons, and animated films. I don't watch any other kind of movie, unless the plot is so interesting that I just have to, which is rare. I'm still a sucker for reality t.v, but not just the crazy kind people talk about (hoarders, 600lb life, cooking shows, and anything dealing with "real" people). Some shows are bound to have inappropriate stuff, so I either skip it or don't watch the show anymore if it's persistent and making me uncomfortable. I always save things for a special time. Graduation, my birthday, my wedding, FRIDAY, any random event. I'm starting to worry that I'll miss out on a lot of things because I keep saving them. I'm the kind of person to save the best piece of candy for last, only to end up giving it away, because someone asks for it when it's all I have left.
  5. Long-distance relationship?

    @PG1, I didn't mean that long distance relationships aren't real, but that if you are long distance and that person has some silly reason to just disappear on you, then I don't consider that real, at least not on their end. Many people use the distance as a way out, before even making it to the point where you can meet each other. IRL, if a man/ womam were to just take off, I think it would be viewed much differently than it is when it happens online. It doesnt seem like the same excuses would be as acceptable. I did say that I would give LD a chance, so I don't think it's fake, and I really wasn't trying to imply anything about needing a perfect relationship. I was just saying that it allows people to give up very easily, because they can lie more easily, and they dont have to face you. Honestly, I'm just coming from my own perspective here, and I'm referencing a specific type of situation, that would be hard for me to deal with. Many relationships end for various reasons, so I'm not going to assume that all LD relationships end in the kind of situations I'm talking about. I just think that they are more fragile and very easily broken, simply because of the distance. This has never happened to me, but I've seen it quite a bit, and gotten a glimpse of it. I apologize if I made you feel like I was downplaying your relationship.
  6. Long-distance relationship?

    I would take the chance if I think I may have found a good person, but I'd feel like my relationship was hanging by a thread, just because of the distance. Like any little thing, and poof, that person is gone forever. So many people have stories of being in love online, and the next thing you know it's, "oh, something happened in his/her life." "He's dealing with things." "She just disappeared." Really? That's not a real relationship. Obviously people dating in person can have the same issues, but it just seems like these kinds of relationships have a way of ending for what seems like no apparent reason. If you are in a serious relationship, it doesn't just fade into oblivion. For me, that person would have to make me feel that they're serious, and of course try to see me somewhat regularly. I agree that it does increase our chances greatly.
  7. Good video. I was confused about the title, but I really liked it. She's actually very similar to me with the code-switching, being picky, and not liking clubs or partying. It was encouraging.
  8. Thanks @Adam. I actually feel a lot better about it now. You're right that being optimistic is better than moping around about it, and assuming the worst. I don't know how I'll feel after I reach a certain age (if I'm still alone) , but I suppose that if I work on my own happiness from now, it won't be so bad when I get there. I wonder if our preferences get in the way more than non-waiters. I think most people tend to be way too specific about what they want, but because they aren't waiters, it's easier for them to date around and get to know different people, eventually falling in love unexpectedly. Since our options are limited, we have a lot of time on our hands to come up with the perfect dream guy/ girl, and because most of us don't feel we have the luxury to mess around, if we don't get that dream person, we aren't interested. (Why do I feel like I've said this before? ) I know I'm that way, but those guys were more than likely, all non-waiters. My theory might be wrong though, as I don't see why waiters can't fall in love unexpectedly as well. I'm more so thinking of myself, maybe.
  9. Not new but still waiting.

    Congrats! Thank you for coming back and sharing your story. That means a lot!
  10. I feel as I had no other chance than waiting

    Don't feel bad! Never having been approached by a man doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. We are all different, and I've seen so many different kinds of people in relationships. Various features, heights, styles, and all in a seemingly loving relationship. Some women have it easier, but what society as a whole says is beautiful, doesn't matter to every guy out there. Having confidence, and taking care of yourself inside and out is all any of us really needs. It's possible that men are afraid to approach you because you are very beautiful to them. Many women have that problem. Also, please don't say you'll be a waiter just because you can't find anyone, because that isn't what a waiter is.
  11. Marrying a 16 Year Old Girl?

    He was saying that marrying someone strictly on the criteria of being a virgin will not make for a successful marriage. He also didn't say anything about divorce. You can be married and be unhappy. You are searching for someone way too young, because you want a virgin. Someone who is likely immature/ and or has not had the chance to experience life and make their own decisions as an adult as you have, which is unfair. And your logic is flawed. You are looking for virgins, not waiters. These girls haven't had sex, but the majority will want to, and will have premarital sex eventually. They would not want to be with you anyway, because they won't value WTM. So your options are still as limited as they are if you just find another adult who is actually a waiter. And this brings me to why I am so bothered by what you're asking here. The most likely scenario in which you'd get what you want is by "catching" an impressionable, naive, and immature young girl before she makes the decision to have sex, and basically grooming her to be your wife. Please just find someone who is at least an adult. I want to reiterate my point that you aren't really increasing your chances by much. Virgin does not equal waiter. So your odds are pretty much the same unless you resort to control and manipulation of a young mind, and it seems like that's what you're betting on. I'm not trying to insult you, or imply that you are a bad person or a predator, but if you do this then, in my opinion, you would be. Also, I'm not here to go back and fourth with anyone about the subjectivity of morality or how this is or could somehow be morally acceptable.
  12. Marrying a 16 Year Old Girl?

    No. Just no. If you are considering this because you fear you won't be able to find a virgin unless she is very young, then you really need to stop and reevaluate your thinking. It would be unfair, wrong, and gross to tie a child to you for life, so that you don't have to put the effort in to find someone your age to date and marry. It's also selfish. Finding a life partner is about more than just getting a virgin bride, but that seems to be the only thing you are fixated on. Maybe thinking a little more about the other things that are important to you might help you to find someone in a healthier manner. Also, not having sex with a minor before marriage doesn't suddenly make it acceptable to marry and have sex with them.
  13. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm starting to wonder how many of us are going to be waiting forever, and if I'll be included or not. I think I will be, so I need to prepare myself mentally for that, and be happy about it. I don't know why, but I feel like most of us will be alone forever. It's so ironic that the one thing you've been waiting for, you might never get, simply because you are waiting for it. It almost doesn't make any sense, lol. But good luck to everyone!
  14. Miseries

    I saw your post on my topic. I understand how you feel. Different people will have different experiences with WTM. I know that I've gone through a lot of sadness and loneliness because my self esteem is quite low. I don't like to feel like I'm the only one, and I was always looking for reassurance, which I never got (until I found this site). My former best friend who inspired me to wait has now had sex with three men (well more now since i havent spoken to her in a while). That was a huge blow for me. I eventually realized that I'm like this with everything I believe in, which makes socializing, reading, watching the news, and the internet very difficult for me. Right now I have to isolate myself from those things while I work on my self esteem. The effect it's had on me is that I'm dumb as hell now, when before I used to read anything I can get my hands on. I'm afraid now, so I don't search for knowledge like I used to. I could have been so smart, lol. The only thing I can suggest is to seek help. It doesnt have to be therapy. It can be self help from books or the internet, because your issue doesn't have to do with wtm at all. It's you. You have to feel secure in being alone, and not worry about what others do. Here's what I always say to myself to make myself feel a little betrer. If I am right about this, it will eventually show. Basically, that just means that if you say that wtm is the right thing to do, you can't force anyone to do it, but if you are correct, even if it's 1000 years from now, the world will eventually see the effects of living the other way, and you will be on the right side of history. So don't worry about it now. The reason other people aren't having the same issues as you is because they are more secure in themselves. That's what you need to work on. And you need to be careful, because you may begin to sabotage otherwise healthy relationships due to paranoia and fear. You may also develop an aversion to sex in general, if you feel like it has caused you so much grief. Also, please do not harm yourself. You are not alone. Even if everyone in the world who is waiting says screw it, I'm having sex, just know that I will be there, somewhere in the world, still waiting with you.
  15. Hey guys, So I used to be a pretty avid reader. I always loved YA fantasy novels, and being engrossed in a good one just made me feel good. I could read a vampire or faerie story a million times and never get tired of it. That's actually why my name is Faeries. Anyway, I stopped reading a while ago, because these books are starting to bother me in the romance department. One thing that's common in these kinds of books is that there is usually some form of deep bonding (similar to marriage) before any sex happens, so I'm fine with that. It's usually meaningful and that's all that matters to me. Anything else and I just don't read it. However, I started noticing a theme that just makes my skin crawl. The girl will be a virgin, and the guy has been with tons of women. But now that he's met her, he wishes he'd never been with anyone else. I don't find this attractive in the least and when I read it, I just role my eyes in disgust. I don't want to put anyone down, who's relationship is actually like this, I mean no harm, I just don't like reading it all the time. I know the mainstream find a man with a lot of experience more manly/ attractive, but I don't like that it's being pushed in books geared towards younger people. I think it's better to just not mention it at all, if they don't want to take any "masculinity" away from the guy. It actually puts me in a crappy mood when I encounter certain "themes" and have to put the book down, which is why I stopped altogether. To be honest, this is part of a bigger problem, which is that I have a hard to accepting that I live in a non-WTM world. I never expected everyone to WTM, but I've dealt with a lot because there are so few of us. So I've become embittered towards anything that makes me feel like we're being put down. Other people can just say "that's not my cup of tea" and move on, but for me, in the same situation, I take it personally. Anyway, I'm writing this post because I really want to start reading again. I'm feeling the pull to start another book, but I don't want to be disappointed. Should I give some books a try and just learn how to not take it personally if it's not what I like? I don't want to be halfway through the book and have to stop reading it, and I know I can't continue, simply because my interest isn't sparked anymore.
  16. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    No I havent. I watched some of the movie as a kid, but I got bored and didn't like it, so I thought it just wasn't my cup of tea. I was just a kid though and I did do the same thing with star wars, Jurassic park, and the dark knight, lol .
  17. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    Yeah, I used the wrong wording . I don't think it's something you should have to grow out of. I guess I meant that my taste hasn't changed over the years and more so since I decided to wait (and got more serious/ defensive about it). Like I said, I enjoy them for what they are and wanted to keep reading them, but I was conflicted about those relationship stereotypes.
  18. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    Thanks. I know I can't let this stop me from reading in general. I'm reading more classics and some philosophy, but I've been reading YA novels for a while and I haven't grown out of them. I don't mind cliches or lack of sophistication or anything like that. I like them for what they are. I just get uncomfortable with that particular aspect.
  19. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    I also don't want to marry a non-waiter. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, but I have struggled (not with waiting itself, but dealing with haters) and I don't want to be with someone who gets to have their cake and eat it too, while went through various issues and chose to stick it out anyway. I probably will end up having to settle though. I'm not knocking anyone who decides to wait after having sex already. I commend them, and admire their decision. But I think that's different from those promiscous men who feel entitled to a virgin bride. So anyway, I don't like that the guy gets to have any girl he can get his hands on, and then gets the protagonist who's had to wait patiently for "the one" until he decides to show up. That's not romantic at all. But other people don't see it that way. I think it contradicts the whole idea of a fantasy romance novel. If these people are supposed to be "destined" to be together, why has one never had a boyfriend and the other has been around the block a few times. It seems off, and makes it obvious how we see the ideal relationship in real life. Unfortunatley, I actually like romance, lol. So I'm very conflicted.
  20. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    That's eactly what it is. I guess they're trying to appeal to us lonely, "good" girls who aren't getting any play, and burying ourselves in books like these, lol (I'm stereotyping of course). My issue is not that they're trying to bring fantasies to life, so to speak. My problem is, I can't relate to wanting the guy who's been with everyone. Another issue is them pushing the idea that this is what girls should want and that if a guy tells you "none of those other girls matter", that should be enough to win your heart. In real life, lines like these only lead to you being the next on his long list of women and eventually getting hurt and/ or being left in the dust (yes I'm generalizing, and no I don't care about anyone's personal love story.)
  21. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    Never mind, those topics are closed. Well, the first series is called Elemental Enmity by Christie rich (Didn't read the last one, so hopefully she didn't change her mind by then) The next one is called Angelic by L.P. Swalheim. She actually did continue the series, yay! Just a disclaimer, you have to be into this kind of genre, WTM or not. It is for young people and if you prefer the works of Shakespeare and John Dunn, or are more on the conservative side in general you might not see these as literary works of art, lol. Although, I think the writing is good.
  22. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    @redgrapes, I'll add it to the list, and thank you @Geraldine, I'll check them out.
  23. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    Thank you for the suggestions. I am actually beginning to read more classic novels, but more for knowledge that enjoyment. I've only finished The Mysteries of Udulpho by Ann Radcliffe, and I did enjoy it, but it could be slow or not as exciting at times. I think I'll continue to read them. Not sure if I should take my chances with current novels. I did read a series where the protagonist was waiting which was like for me. Then there was one where the guy told the girl he was waiting (he was an angel), but the series stopped at that one book. I guess I got so used to getting lucky or having a book where there's some marriage like bonding event that happens, and the male's sexual past is not mentioned. I got comfortable, and then when I continued to read other books I was shocked at how different it was. Do you think that these past (literally) couple of years has changed the way these YA novels will be written in terms of sex? Now, part of being a strong female character must include being sexually "free" (you know what I mean. In their eyes.) and experienced. Which adds another issue for me besides having the male be a reformed *** (lol).
  24. Can't enjoy novels anymore

    Lol, I like romance. I guess I can't complain. It comes with the territory, I suppose. Their idea of romance might not be the same as mine. I agree about feeling alienated. It can be lonely. Now, that I'm thinking about my future more, I'm not sure of how I'm going to find another waiter. Starting to worry.