ChildOfTheOneTrueKing

Ooh wee. That’s a loaded question and this response is 3 years late, but here’s my take. Heck yes, virginity is very attractive! Not only can it align with someone’s beliefs, preferences, and values, it shows great obedience and respect for self and the future spouse. Now, if I were to be with a guy who was a virgin, I’d just hit the jackpot! However, if I find someone who wasn’t, but has decided to WTM from now on, then I don’t view him any differently. Not being a virgin doesn’t taint my view of that person… however, that definitely was not easy for me to accept. For years, I had my mind set on finding someone who is also a virgin, but nowadays, that is just something not easy to find. The best thing about finding someone who is also waiting is that 1) there will be no comparison to previous sexual partners, and 2) if the feeling of sex is not good or pleasurable for either person, the two are willing to work on it because the LOVE they have for one another. Being in a marriage, you want to make the other person happy, because when he/she is happy, then you’re happy. Moreover, with WTM, you can really understand the difference between lust and love. Some folks who have had multiple sexual partners often have sex to fulfill a temporary fix, possibly finding a stranger they just met and having a one night stand, that’s just lust. But in marriage, it’s love and respect for the other that binds the two! You can have multiple keys and try to shove it into a lock, but only one is needed to unlock the door. You only need to focus on that one key Additionally, if someone is only in a relationship because of “good sex,” then their priorities are in the wrong place. Again, sex can be worked on with your spouse, and if they really love you, they will do anything to make you happy There's no experience needed, because the experience will be with the one you're married to!

So here’s my take on the situation from my perspective. If I personally feel interested in a guy, I purposely keep my distance so I can read the situation. I know from your perspective it may not be going how you hoped to, but remember she’s also trying to make sense of the situation. She too may be replaying the situation in her head as well. In order to assess the situation, she may be playing hard to get (half hug) to see how she should react, and based on your actions, this will tell her if you are in fact interested in her, pursuing her. In the initial scenario when you didn’t push things further, that’s okay! You may have been caught off guard with what happened, and your mind played its best judgment, so don’t blame anything you did because you reacted to what you believed was fitting. And I don’t believe you screwed up anything. Attempting a hug in the first place was a great step on your behalf, which shows that you are not only interested in her as a person, but you also took that time to pursue her… like in a physical and psychological sense, a hug shows you care for a person, like leaving a small imprint on another because of how they make you feel. I know this is only the start of something, and what I said sounds a little far reached, but there’s definitely a reason for everything, even the most miniscule actions, such as a hug, that not everyone thinks about. As someone said previously, yeah, some folks are just not the touchy feely kind of person. As much as I loveee hugs from family and close friends, when it comes to people I just met, hugs are off-putting. It’s like you have to graduate to a hug, ya know? But hey, you gotta start from somewhere. It may be something instinctual, that a hug from a stranger invades their space, not fully knowing someone’s intentions. So maybe with more encounters with her, she may be more open to you. Remember to also think from her perspective. She may have a boyfriend that she doesn’t talk about and wants to respect him when he’s not around, or maybe she’s trying to pursue someone else, but you came into the picture. Sorry, I too overthink everything, but I like knowing the possibilities so I can prepare myself. And as someone else said before, why date someone who shows no interest? Don’t waste your time on someone who can’t reflect the same amount of effort and affection you give. Now, I’m not saying don’t stop trying if you really believe she is someone you want to date, but there’s an instinct after a certain amount of time (and it’s different for everyone) where you just know that it’s time to move on. And at that point, its their loss! As for the secondary situation with the buffer seat at church, that might just be her personal preference. It’s church so she most likely wanted to concentrate on her time with God, without any distractions from a guy, ya know! Or she might be reserved with PDA type of things and want to hide sitting next to a guy to protect her from unwarranted conversations with her family on the way home. My personal preference with relationships is to start with friendship first, because that sets the foundation for a flourishing relationship. If you just jump straight into a dating relationship because you are attracted physically, you can easily lose sight on the bigger picture with getting to know the real person (and the personality). Moreover, if you get to know the personality first, you can really see if pursuing her more than a friendship is actually worth your time. However, if you realllly want to just jump on it, just ask her on a coffee date. That’s really not harmful at all, but I know that’s easier said than done on your behalf, to build up courage and to not have any rejection. But hey, if she rejects your offer, than you know she’s not worth the effort and you can go on doing what you do, so you don’t have to dwell on the situation whether you “screwed up” or not. I’m not sure what things attract you and if what attracts you to this girl is gaming (a common interest of yours), but maybe you might be interested in a partner who has opposite interests than you. So don’t invest your time in this one person. You’ll never know your preference if you don’t try. One of my fave quotes is “Never date someone in your head before you actually date them.” That’s definitely a recipe for failure. You may believe that someone is perfect in your head, but in reality, not what you expected. As for you saying “I really don’t think I’m ever going to find someone…”, that’s a whole other reply on its own from me, lol. [SIDE NOTE] I personally thought the same thing for me, never being in a relationship, blah blah. I used to dream about growing up, getting married, then having children, and I would dream about me and my future husband teaching our children about God and showing them how much love God has for us. But growing up, that idea seems too distant and maybe unobtainable, for my track record for dating and anyone finding interest in me is nonexistent. I’m not saying I’ve given up, but I put this in God’s hands, and I will be obedient to His plans for me. Some folks are meant for marriage, some meant for serving others. I know if it’s meant to happen for me, then it will happen. But after months of contemplating my situation, I have happily come to terms if I’m not planned for marriage. I’ve had many episodes of enlightenment, in which I know I can serve others (rather than just one man, my husband—again, if I do get married). Now, I can’t say what God’s plan is for you, but just be happy in the moment. Be hopeful. And if a relationship is what you really crave, pray about it. God can’t answer prayers if no one prays to Him, ya know. [END SIDE NOTE] You are the only one who can fully understand the situation, so based on what you feel, follow through with that gut feeling. And as a boost of hope, always remember, Jim Halpert was once friendzoned! (I hope some people get the Office reference, or else I’m just gonna leave lol). Good luck and cheers, mate!

I commend you for being a waiter, so don't discredit that strength. I would very much like to know what you mean by rejection in your statement "im a virgin mostly due to fear of rejection and so i never even had the opportunity to get close to a woman." Rejection of the physical or mental/emotional? Because if someone rejects you, that is not love; and love, friendship, and acceptance are the pillars of a healthy relationship. You must strive for friendship before ever starting a relationship. So get "close" to women by being a friend first, not with the end goal of obtaining a relationship, or else you're setting yourself up for failure. If your gal friend ends up having feelings for you, only then should you continue to pursue the friendship into a relationship. If she just wants to remain friends, then heck, you got yourself a wing girl. I personally don't believe in the "right" person. It's good to know exactly want you want in a partner, but no one is perfect. If you set up an ideal image in your head and the person you are with doesn't hit all the marks, that shouldn't result in ending a relationship. You have to work with that other person to make things work. It shouldn't be one-sided. In other words, when you're in that particular relationship, you make it "right." We think differently, but I will not discredit your values. I personally believe that the end goal of a relationship is marriage. In other words, people should date to marry, not for any other reasons, like filling a void or what not. Being a Christian, marriage is a sacrament and should be celebrated by friends and loved ones, because it's not only uniting the couple (and God), but also the families, which is beautiful. I obviously can't change your mind on what you value or not, but I can be a vessel to suggest on what aspects to think about in the grand dimension of the concept of marriage. I suggest retrospection and introspection on why you are waiting in the first place. Like I would like to know why marriage isn't necessarily something you find "necessary." Again, in no way am I discrediting any of your values. I am just simply curious. And maybe thinking about these types of questions will help you validate your morals or help you seek more out of the whole realm of relationships, marriage, and sex. Cheers!

I used to binge watch Jefferson Bethke's videos, and he's still awesome nonetheless, I just don't have time anymore lol. One video regarding sex really stuck out at me from a year ago: Here's another: And another: Enjoy

Guys, I've been here for over a year now. I hope I can bring this back Here's me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byc_lHTCB8o - Rena

Thank you for the kind words, Daisetsuu. It means a lot when someone compliments my mind and how I feel, specifically towards our God, especially when my goal is to not seek out compliments in the first place. I have many goals in life and I want to accomplish great things, but when I die, the single most important thing I want people to remember about me is my love for God and my family. You sound like a good person with true intention, and I am faithful in God's plan for you and your desire for a future partner. He knows your heart and won't withhold something you want or deserve. One thing I hope you remember is to enjoy this time of singleness, while you still can. This is the perfect time for self-reflection and self-improvement, a time to work on you, building yourself up, instead of waiting for the woman you are meant to be with to start "building" yourself. In other words, you don't have to wait for her in order to make you feel complete. So yes, these times may feel lonely, but use this time productively. Love is more than just a romantic love. Continue to show love to your family, your neighbor, a stranger, etc. Harvest this kind of love, which will only make your love for your future wife stronger. I am sure there are many women out there who share your same views and desires and she IS out there for I am faithful in God's plan. While you wait patiently, continue to build yourself and continue to work on God's kingdom. So don't be saddened, especially in these times, for it is all in His great timing.

Thanks for the pointers!! I'll definitely check out Kaplan (it's one of the top prep companies here, along with Princeton and Examkrackers). And I've never thought of looking at Oxford, since most of the med school prep programs are U.S. based. But I'll definitely checked that out too! The more resources, the merrier Also, I didn't think the UK's entrance exam was called the MCAT, because I previously googled the terms "MCAT" and "UK", but no results, thus I used the term "entrance exam" which is the standardized term. ahahaha. Thanks again! And Happy New Year!

Yeah, man. Again, focus on friendship before a relationship. When initiating talking to a girl, find a balance between flirty and friendly. It's essential to have friendship as your first focus. And if the girl you're talking to starts to have feelings for you, then pursue it. If she doesn't, then no feelings hurt. Plus you might even gained a friend, who may even be your wing girl! Lol. Friendship should always be a foundation, because if it isn't, your relationship would only be set in sexual attraction, which is never a good thing. Talking to a girl is like talking to any other person. Figure out the type of person you'd like to marry. Do you want her to have the same hobbies as you? Same talents? Fave shows? Or do you want her to have opposite traits and faves from you so you both bring something different to the table and complement each other? Think about that when talking to any girl. It's the same as talking to a female cousin, a sister, a classmate, a neighbor, a teacher, a random stranger you cross paths with, etc. It should just come out naturally, never forced or rehearsed. But yeah, when talking girls, don't go in thinking about a relationship, because that sets yourself up for failure. Best of luck!

Welcome! That’s extremely awesome that you’re a fellow waiter I am intrigued that you’re a physician. I am a nursing major and plan to take the boards in the next year to become a registered nurse; however, my true aspiration is to be a doctor of medicine. Due to a conflict of interest, my graduation date has been pushed back a year in order to fit all the pre-med perquisites, which is definitely a blessing in disguise. Although I’m preparing for the NCLEX (the nursing board exam), I am also preparing for the MCAT (the medical college admission test/entrance exam… not sure what it is called in your country). Regardless, I am absolutely terrified for the MCAT (as our new version is 6-7 hours long when it used to be 3-4). Any tips on how to prepare? And nice to meet you. There’s a lot of awesome people on here.

First of all, thanks for sharing. I commend you for waiting in general. I rarely encounter young men in real life who have made the decision to wait. We waiters are extremely rare, especially in our choices and our actions… which makes most of the population confused on why we hold such high standards for ourselves. The thing is other people’s opinions of us should not affect how we view ourselves. Yes, temptation is the biggest issue as a waiter, especially since our generation is extremely sexualized, but I feel sometimes you have to experience the worst of the worst, be it regret, in order to give yourself a reality check so you can fall back on what truly matters in your heart. Like the fellow waiter who replied before me, you have to accept what has happened, instead of dwelling in regret, which gets you nowhere. The great thing is that you have already recognized that what you did is an issue, in your eyes, and now you can take apart the situation, possibly finding factors to what led you to the scenario, and build yourself back up from there. As I see from your description, waiting is truly something you hold valuable, as seen by your disappointment in the situation. That, in itself, shows your true character. Additionally, your statement that you two are no longer together, further validates your value of waiting till marriage, which is what we waiters are all about. Contrary to popular belief, sex isn’t a sport. In my eyes, it’s meant for a couple who have a strong foundation, be it in friendship or else, because relationships are not supposed to be just for sex. So it’s okay to be discouraged, because that’s just human nature, but keep being strong because you are special and you have great morals. I forget where I got this from but there’s an awesome analogy between fire and sex. Fire, in the right environment, can provide warmth and energy, etc. But fire that isn’t in its correct environment can cause devastation. So, like fire, sex in the right environment (in marriage) is beautiful, which can result in the growing of a family. But sex not in the right environment (like premarital), can cause disappointment, regret, devastation for both parties (i.e. unwanted pregnancies, psychological issues, trust issues, familial issues, etc). You seem very sweet, and I’m sure one day you’ll be an awesome, loving husband. Keep on doing you. Cheers!

*answers post more than 5 years later* tehhehe I see there was another waiter who replied who said she’s a Catholic, so am I, so yes, the questions are definitely already answered. Lol. J Divorce- I am against it. I feel it is essential for a couple to build a foundation of a relationship, hopefully first set in friendship, before ever getting married. Marriage is such a beautiful thing, especially between two people who are in love (and better yet, if their relationship/marriage revolves around God, that’s truly spectacular). With that being said, marriage isn’t something that can be thrown away so easily. If people are having issues, they should work them out, not take some cheap way out and divorce. It’s crazy seeing Hollywood folks get married a million times and divorce a million more. You shouldn’t be married in the first place if you think you can just divorce someone so easily and call it a day. That’s despicable. This is why there needs to be a strong foundation (hopefully) friendship first so both parties know their own desires and wants, as well as the other’s. Abortion- I am against it. I personally believe sex in the first place should be between a married couple, especially a couple who actually plan to have and want children. (Yes, I know there are other scenarios such as rape, among other things, but that is another discussion within itself.) I personally feel that if two people are to have sex, it’s their responsibility for the consequences. To be blunt, don’t have sex if you don’t want children. It’s sad to watch couples who struggle to get pregnant and have kids, while others have abortions all the time like it’s no big issue. Every soul, every child has the potential for greatness and love. That should never be denied, especially to a vulnerable population who cannot speak for themselves. Children- Granted if marriage is in God’s plan for me, I would absolutely love to have children and grow the family. I would daydream of my future husband and I teaching our children about our great God and just loving them the way my parents, family, and God has and continues to love me, in hopes that one day they will love and treat others with respect unconditionally. Cheers!