DHZ

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About DHZ

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  1. I've been depressed for long time, and right now it seems to be getting to worse. I mean, I finished college a few months ago and now I'm having problems finding a programming job. I'm not even getting any calls for a interviews. So right now I only have part time job that I hate pushing carts for only 2-3 days a weeks. I really don't even have any motivation right now to look for a job or work on a new skill lately. I really don't have any real life friends that I can really talk to about anything. I rarely get touch like hugs or holding hands or any of the small contact that people really need. Which especially a problem since touch is my strongest love language. Really the last time I got a hug from non family was 7 months. I've never had a girlfriend. I'm on meds for the depression, but they don't seem to be helping me. I don't know, things really don't seem to be improving lately. I've been going to psychologists for years and it really hasn't seemed to be too helpful for me. Really it's mostly been CBT, but I thinking of something more like what's caused pain and rejection in the past and see if I could get healing that way. Though really I won't be able to see a psychologist till next year since I've already used all my visits for this year...
  2. Someone to go though life with is the main reason I'm looking for a girlfriend/wife. I'm actually starting to get to the point where I want to have kids. But yeah, the main reason I come off so obsessively about this is because of the that I've never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, AND I doubt the fact that I could ever get one.
  3. I'm really starting to think it's impossible for me to a girlfriend. I'm almost at the point of giving up looking.
  4. I don't really know how to make friends and keep them. I usually don't try to find guy friends since it wouldn't get me closer to finding a wife. I also probably tend to try to find guy friends since I was picked on a lot as a kid and really through my life by guys. I'm really not sure what to do, I'm pretty much just depressed and lonely right now. Also it seems like when I feel like I'll never get married, I'll usually be pretty depressed. Though when I feel like I'll get married, I'm usually in a pretty decent mood. Usually about little lower than a average person.
  5. So yeah, I saw her again at church. I asked her if she wanted to sit next to me during church she said yeah, then as we where sitting down. I sat down and she sat down 1 chair away from me. So it was me, an empty chair, then her. We had some small groups, but it was pretty much separated by guy's and girls. And of course after church she left before I got a chance to talk to here again. I really don't think I'm ever going to find someone...
  6. Actually, after thinking about it a bit. You guys are probably right, I was overthinking things again. Though there was one time put my arm around a girl I thought I was friends with, and she sorta freaked out and didn't want be near me for long time. Though in that case, I've known her for a while, but really was just my cousin's friend and not mine I guess.
  7. So one screw up, then I don't have any chance with her?
  8. Okay, so I went to game night where we playing games. We had a good time, it seemed like I was getting along with this one girl, so at the end I tried to get a hug. She only gave me a half hug, and she didn't seem like she was even into that. Since she didn't seem like she was into it, so I just accepted the half hug and didn't try to push things further. Am I screwed?
  9. Post the link to the discord on the Announcements and Feedback forum. We can use it as unofficial chat for now.
  10. How are you supposed to find a girlfriend when your depressed and don't really have support group, friends, or any church community. Really I don't feel accepted or like by most people. I do like and accept my self, but when nobody else does. I guess it just doesn't mean that much. I do appreciate the people the from the chat room. I really don't have that right now.
  11. I'm pretty shy, but when I do try to talk to girls they always just give me short answers with nothing much to go on. Also when even when I give a girl a longer answer when she asks me, she doesn't try to find out anymore about me. I really can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.