Will H

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About Will H

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  • Location
    Minneapolis, MN
  • Interests
    Board games, reading, and bicycling

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  1. Food Waste...

    I read once that Del Monte canned peaches have quality standards for the shape of the peaches. For all the peaches that are too large, small, misshapen, whatever, Del Monte sells them as off-brand peaches. So if you want to save money and are okay with peaches that don't match the appearance standards, by the off-brand peaches.
  2. what has this world come to! From their perspective, the Bible doesn't outright condemn pre-marital sex (which usually boils down to what the exact meaning of the Greek word πορνεία (porneia), usually translated as "fornication"). There's also a pretty strong emotional component to their views too, with arguments like "if two people are in a committed, loving relationship with each other, is it really so bad that they're doing what married people in a committed, loving relationship are doing?" or "Does God care about their hearts or about a piece of paper from the county courthouse?". This particular pastor also didn't have a strong opinion of church tradition, feeling it was far too influenced by "patriarchal biases". I hear too a pretty common theme of not wanting to be a judgemental church telling people wanting to do, but instead wanting to be welcoming and forgiving to everyone, regardless of where they are. It's sadly a more common viewpoint among pastors, especially young ones. You could be cynical and say that society and/or their political viewpoints are coloring their faith, or that they'd rather not have to be countercultural and tell people they can't have premarital sex. Getting back on topic, there's plenty of Christians who disagree with all this and are pro-waiting till marriage. Heck, this site even has an article from a gay waiter-till-marriage who noted that meeting gay Christians who supported waiting till marriage was extremely helpful to him. We're out there, but we don't tend to advertise our presence, you know?
  3. Will...i dig your profile's Avatar.

    1. Will H

      Will H

      Thanks, I dig yours too Revan! Do you prefer KOTOR 1 or 2?

  4. Just joined

    Welcome! I hope that you’re able to find a good community here that supports you in your desire to wait!
  5. I’m glad to hear that you were able to have a frank discussion about sex and your differences in opinion on it. A lot of couples don’t until it’s too late. And while I do think you’re making the right choice, I’m sorry It isn’t going to work out. I know you said you liked each other a lot, and that’s always painful to leave behind, even if it’s for the right reasons. I know you’ll be able to find the right guy who respects you and your values.
  6. The website?

    The main website works just fine for me. Weird.
  7. My question was rhetorical. Having been in that situation myself, I think that while pornography may sate sexual desires, it also creates more. I think that this guy's "needs" are out of whack, and if he had never gotten into pornography, his natural desires for sex would be much less. It's not unlike an alcoholic drinking to "sate his needs". Sure, it works then, but it creates a cycle of continued dependence requiring more. Also, I find it interesting that he calls it "needs". Are they things he truly needs to live a fulfilling and happy life, or are they something else? Again, an alcoholic doesn't have needs for alcohol, although perhaps it's used to self-medicate some other need.
  8. For me, the reason I'm waiting isn't just about purity, it's about trust and respect. I want someone who respects my moral convictions and whom I can trust in the future to remain faithful. I also want our marriage to be built on more than just physical intimacy. I'm in it for the long haul! Someone who has waited their whole life until marriage has a proven track record. While that's not to say that it's 100% certain that they will remain faithful, I have a lot more trust that they will. For someone who hasn't waited, I think I need to look at their attitudes towards why they didn't wait and how they felt about it now. For instance, someone who was pressured into sex once and regretted it since would be easier for me to marry than someone who has had many sexual partners and to this day feels like there's nothing wrong with it. I'd have to figure it out on a case-by-case basis, and we'd have to have a lot of talks to make sure we're on the same page. I do think that I'd need someone who is willing to wait until marriage even if I wasn't in the picture. I would probably be suspicious if they are only waiting because I asked them to, but would be having sex if they were in a different relationship with someone who didn't. Again, it's about the reasons behind waiting. If someone has a past they aren't proud of, yet are willing to wait for the same reasons I am, I'd like to think I'd be okay with that. But I guess I won't know unless it happens. Suffice it to say that criticizing my decision to wait (even if they haven't had sex themselves!) is an instant dealbreaker.
  9. So he's not willing to change for you, and he's pressuring you to change for him? That doesn't sound like a very healthy situation. Does he watch pornography to fulfill his sexual needs or does he have sexual needs because he watches pornography? As a guy who has struggled with it in the past, I definitely found that pornography created a feedback loop that wound up causing the majority of those desires. Our bodies aren't designed for instant access to sexual stimulation of any type we can dream up. Say that you were to stay in a relationship all the way up to getting married. Do you see this as something you'd ever be okay with? And do you think he'll stop when you do get married and start having sex? It's unfortunately common for men to continue using pornography into marriage to the point where it starts substituting for sex. Here's what one researcher says: Would you be able to you compete with that, even if you were having sex in marriage? Some men need an ultimatum to come to their senses: me or these women on the screen. But I admit that I don't have a lot of high hopes for this guy. The fact that he's not willing to give it up sounds to me like he's already chosen the screen over you.
  10. I abstain from alcohol, coffee, and other vices. Alcohol is mostly for my mental health, coffee because I never cared for the taste. Smoking or drugs would be dealbreakers for me and I've thankfully never gotten involved. I stay away from swearing too; never really saw the point. I admit that I've struggled with pornography in the past (a sadly common problem for guys in the internet age), but it's something I've learned to leave behind as I want to be a better person for my future wife.
  11. So in movies and such, couples spontaneously decide to have sex, then stay in the bed and sleep till morning. I always brush my teeth before going before bed and it occurred to me that those couples probably didn't brush their teeth before their spontaneous decision, and I had a hard time imagining them getting out of bed and brushing their teeth, then going back to bed. Do you brush your teeth and anything else you do for bed before even being open to the idea of having sex? Do you get up after sex to do it? Or do you just skip it?
  12. From the other side, I'm a Christian guy who is waiting till marriage and while I do sometimes find women who are also waiting, it's frustrating to find those who aren't. I remember at one point freaking out that I was the only person I knew who was waiting till marriage, and found that both friends and even my pastor at church didn't feel like it was something to do. To be honest, this was one of the reasons that I decided to leave my church and switch denominations. I really found it too stressful to be at a church that was okay with premarital sex, not only due to my own religious convictions, but also because I just felt it was too isolating to not have anybody support me in my decision. I'm currently attending a Catholic Church, and of course they are very much supportive of waiting till marriage (or being celibate in the case of the priesthood). There are Christian guys out there who, like you, are looking for a Christian woman who is waiting. It's a pain that you can't find each other. If he's not in the places you've already looked, maybe he's somewhere new. Of course, you'll need to be okay with searching there, and relying on God to guide you.
  13. So I've been online dating for a while and oftentimes wind up with one-way conversations with people I'm matched with. I ask open-ended questions, and while she responds, she doesn't really ask questions back. After a while, it starts feeling like a job interview. I don't know if she's not interested or is shy or what. Honestly, it's something that really makes me less interested in her. How do you deal with these one-sided conversations in online dating?
  14. Thanks to both of you for your responses. That could be an element. I haven't dated a lot, and I've been fortunate enough to know in relationships that have been kind of serious that the other person was waiting too, so that was comforting. I'm sure that being a person of faith helped a lot with it. Honestly, I don't know how I would react if I fell for someone who wasn't a waiter because it's never happened yet (or rather, it's never gotten to the point where I'd have to consider if it was a dealbreaker in a relationship). I'd like to think that I'd be able to thoughtfully consider it, but perhaps there is an element of fear to it. And yeah, maybe there is a fear that even though I've dated people who are waiters, there aren't any more out there or that I'll never find them. That may be part of it. I guess growing up in a democratic society where majority vote is seen as a good thing, it can be tough sometimes to feel part of the minority on something I feel is important. There is an element of social isolation too, I suppose, which makes it more feelings-based and less "logical". It's possible that part of it is that I take it as a judgement against my morals. It occurred to me that I sometimes feel a similar reaction when someone derogatively says I'm a "prude". My morals and values are pretty important to me, so maybe that's why I'm bothered by it?
  15. I feel pretty confident in my decision to wait until marriage for sex, but I have realized that I feel really insecure when confronted with the fact that it's not "normal", by which I mean that it is a minority opinion. What's strange to me is that I am against the norm on a number of things. For instance, it doesn't bother me much when I find myself against the norm on a political or ideological belief. But for some reason, going against the norm on waiting until marriage bothers me. The other day I'd read something on how few people, even among religious circles, were waiting until marriage and I started freaking out and had to take a walk to calm down. To be clear, I don't think plan to go have sex just to "fit in" (and I doubt that would really solve anything). That's why I say I'm confident in my decision to wait; I honestly can't see that changing. But I don't know why I get so bothered by this not being "normal" or how I can deal with it. What does that say about me that this is where I am?