Will H

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About Will H

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 10/31/1989

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Minneapolis, MN
  • Interests
    Board games, reading, and bicycling

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  1. Today (April 21st), Lovelyish is getting married! Congratulations for having the struggle of waiting till marriage finally pay off! We all wish you and your husband a happy lifetime together (and that you'll stick around and be an inspiration for us other waiters!)
  2. If you are a gal and you are interested in a guy, but he hasn’t pursued you, there are a couple of possibilities: If you don’t pursue him and he’s not interested: you waste a lot of time and heartache pining over someone that won’t form a relationship with you. If you don’t pursue him and he is interested in you: you miss out on a wonderful relationship. If you do pursue him and he’s not interested: you know and you can move on. It might hurt to know he’s not into you, but is it better to prolong knowing for weeks or even months? If you do pursue him and he’s interested in you: congrats! you have a relationship! It seems to me that a gal pursuing a guy who hasn’t yet indicated interest leads to better results than a gal who chooses not to pursue a guy.
  3. Recently, I was going through my matches for online dating and saw that a lovely young lady had reached out to me. But the thing was: she looks almost exactly like an ex who really hurt me in the past. I found myself in a really weird predicament. On the one hand, I knew this wasn’t the person who hurt me and so pre-judging based on another person’s actions seemed unfair. On the other hand, I was concerned about bringing up painful memories and wasn’t sure that I could guarantee that I would separate her from my feelings about my ex. What would you do in that situation? Would you date someone who is a doppelgänger of your ex, especially if things ended badly between you two?
  4. Food Waste...

    I admit I’ve done that before, and I’ve never really thought about the cost to the charities. Thanks for mentioning it.
  5. Food Waste...

    I read once that Del Monte canned peaches have quality standards for the shape of the peaches. For all the peaches that are too large, small, misshapen, whatever, Del Monte sells them as off-brand peaches. So if you want to save money and are okay with peaches that don't match the appearance standards, by the off-brand peaches.
  6. what has this world come to! From their perspective, the Bible doesn't outright condemn pre-marital sex (which usually boils down to what the exact meaning of the Greek word πορνεία (porneia), usually translated as "fornication"). There's also a pretty strong emotional component to their views too, with arguments like "if two people are in a committed, loving relationship with each other, is it really so bad that they're doing what married people in a committed, loving relationship are doing?" or "Does God care about their hearts or about a piece of paper from the county courthouse?". This particular pastor also didn't have a strong opinion of church tradition, feeling it was far too influenced by "patriarchal biases". I hear too a pretty common theme of not wanting to be a judgemental church telling people wanting to do, but instead wanting to be welcoming and forgiving to everyone, regardless of where they are. It's sadly a more common viewpoint among pastors, especially young ones. You could be cynical and say that society and/or their political viewpoints are coloring their faith, or that they'd rather not have to be countercultural and tell people they can't have premarital sex. Getting back on topic, there's plenty of Christians who disagree with all this and are pro-waiting till marriage. Heck, this site even has an article from a gay waiter-till-marriage who noted that meeting gay Christians who supported waiting till marriage was extremely helpful to him. We're out there, but we don't tend to advertise our presence, you know?
  7. Will...i dig your profile's Avatar.

    1. Will H

      Will H

      Thanks, I dig yours too Revan! Do you prefer KOTOR 1 or 2?

  8. Just joined

    Welcome! I hope that you’re able to find a good community here that supports you in your desire to wait!
  9. I’m glad to hear that you were able to have a frank discussion about sex and your differences in opinion on it. A lot of couples don’t until it’s too late. And while I do think you’re making the right choice, I’m sorry It isn’t going to work out. I know you said you liked each other a lot, and that’s always painful to leave behind, even if it’s for the right reasons. I know you’ll be able to find the right guy who respects you and your values.
  10. The website?

    The main website works just fine for me. Weird.
  11. My question was rhetorical. Having been in that situation myself, I think that while pornography may sate sexual desires, it also creates more. I think that this guy's "needs" are out of whack, and if he had never gotten into pornography, his natural desires for sex would be much less. It's not unlike an alcoholic drinking to "sate his needs". Sure, it works then, but it creates a cycle of continued dependence requiring more. Also, I find it interesting that he calls it "needs". Are they things he truly needs to live a fulfilling and happy life, or are they something else? Again, an alcoholic doesn't have needs for alcohol, although perhaps it's used to self-medicate some other need.
  12. For me, the reason I'm waiting isn't just about purity, it's about trust and respect. I want someone who respects my moral convictions and whom I can trust in the future to remain faithful. I also want our marriage to be built on more than just physical intimacy. I'm in it for the long haul! Someone who has waited their whole life until marriage has a proven track record. While that's not to say that it's 100% certain that they will remain faithful, I have a lot more trust that they will. For someone who hasn't waited, I think I need to look at their attitudes towards why they didn't wait and how they felt about it now. For instance, someone who was pressured into sex once and regretted it since would be easier for me to marry than someone who has had many sexual partners and to this day feels like there's nothing wrong with it. I'd have to figure it out on a case-by-case basis, and we'd have to have a lot of talks to make sure we're on the same page. I do think that I'd need someone who is willing to wait until marriage even if I wasn't in the picture. I would probably be suspicious if they are only waiting because I asked them to, but would be having sex if they were in a different relationship with someone who didn't. Again, it's about the reasons behind waiting. If someone has a past they aren't proud of, yet are willing to wait for the same reasons I am, I'd like to think I'd be okay with that. But I guess I won't know unless it happens. Suffice it to say that criticizing my decision to wait (even if they haven't had sex themselves!) is an instant dealbreaker.
  13. So he's not willing to change for you, and he's pressuring you to change for him? That doesn't sound like a very healthy situation. Does he watch pornography to fulfill his sexual needs or does he have sexual needs because he watches pornography? As a guy who has struggled with it in the past, I definitely found that pornography created a feedback loop that wound up causing the majority of those desires. Our bodies aren't designed for instant access to sexual stimulation of any type we can dream up. Say that you were to stay in a relationship all the way up to getting married. Do you see this as something you'd ever be okay with? And do you think he'll stop when you do get married and start having sex? It's unfortunately common for men to continue using pornography into marriage to the point where it starts substituting for sex. Here's what one researcher says: Would you be able to you compete with that, even if you were having sex in marriage? Some men need an ultimatum to come to their senses: me or these women on the screen. But I admit that I don't have a lot of high hopes for this guy. The fact that he's not willing to give it up sounds to me like he's already chosen the screen over you.
  14. I abstain from alcohol, coffee, and other vices. Alcohol is mostly for my mental health, coffee because I never cared for the taste. Smoking or drugs would be dealbreakers for me and I've thankfully never gotten involved. I stay away from swearing too; never really saw the point. I admit that I've struggled with pornography in the past (a sadly common problem for guys in the internet age), but it's something I've learned to leave behind as I want to be a better person for my future wife.
  15. So in movies and such, couples spontaneously decide to have sex, then stay in the bed and sleep till morning. I always brush my teeth before going before bed and it occurred to me that those couples probably didn't brush their teeth before their spontaneous decision, and I had a hard time imagining them getting out of bed and brushing their teeth, then going back to bed. Do you brush your teeth and anything else you do for bed before even being open to the idea of having sex? Do you get up after sex to do it? Or do you just skip it?