'tis the Bearded One

Active Members
  • Content count

    799
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by 'tis the Bearded One

  1. Engagement Ring Stone

    Opal anyone? Though I suppose they may need too large a piece to really shine...
  2. Engagement Ring Stone

    Oh you get chains. They're just intangible
  3. What I find noticeably tough at times is the lack of physical affection, just non-sexual affectionate physical touch. Apart from hello/goodbye hugs I pretty much don't get any voluntarily affectionate touch. The most affectionate touch I currently get is from my godchildren - their passionate hugs, when they just want to climb all over you, when they get jealous of each other because one of them is sitting on you, when they want to be held, when they snuggle into you....ahhhh I soak it up like a sponge in the Atacama desert. Last year a friend gave me a short shoulder massage for my birthday. I nearly teared up. *sigh*
  4. Account.

    please leave your content when you go!
  5. Do you abstain from other things besides sex too?

    @meandmyfaith when you say eaten, do you mean chewing or ingesting? Just curious...
  6. I finally decided to go to this extent...

    Welcome Axel You know, it is probably the beard....you need to grow it longer
  7. following the yellow brick road

    Welcome when I first saw your title I asked myself if there really was a road called that haha
  8. New here :) Hello from Texas

    Welcome I do believe we have a few people from Texas here.
  9. Social Bias Against Men

    Diverting somewhat from Queen's thread on spousal abuse, I wanted to share these three clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9HMhSvnbmk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgvHY--xeC4#t=155 What are your thoughts? Have you experienced first hand unacceptable bias against men? Do you consider it a largely inevitable result of trying to create gender equality - i.e. the pendulum swinging from one to the other till hopefully it settles in the middle? Do you believe it exists in the first place?
  10. That was an unexpected hard right turn! This snippet of information changes things...We have come across the issue of a couple struggling to consummate post-marriage. I don't know much more - as far as I know a married waiter assisted through PM to maintain privacy. If you want there may be some married (or previously married) waiters who can help you out that way and be a bit more candid. Otherwise, since you are new here, I thought I'd mention you can request the thread be moved to the VDA forum so only forum members can access it. From this I gather that you two have tried but that he is rushing foreplay and he is not making the event special enough to live up to your long anticipated expectation (which I totally get!) which makes you pump on the breaks. I gather you have had the sexpectations talk and I'm guessing you've talked about what you would like for context to make it feel special? If it is something specific and tangible (like rose petals on the bed; massage etc) is he giving a reason why he isn't meeting those requests? As far as foreplay I gather he just isn't doing enough. Maybe he needs to be told to forget whatever he incidentally learnt from his previous sexual liaisons (in a tactful manner). Those women will most likely not have required as much foreplay as a virgin or liked different things. Maybe in the heat of the moment he is forgetting how much foreplay you need. I remember a kid who used to live with us who would get an adrenaline rush when sitting at the table. The thought of being about to eat would cause him to tremble, start seriously salivating, and his mental focus on other things would deteriorate. And here we are talking about first-time sex with your loved one so....! In this case as long as he is willing to give extended foreplay, you may need to be a more explicit gatekeeper of when he can proceed with what. Maybe come up with a red light, yellow light, green light system. You may need to take more control potentially even down to going girl-on-top so you can ah...control everything....at the crux moment. This could allay your concerns of him going to fast if you are in control of the pace. <maybe this needs to be in VDA anyway...>.< @Invincible> Another factor may be un/conscious fears on your part that are preventing you from being ready enough - in which case it may not be his lack of foreplay. If you aren't allowing yourself to get into frame of mind required by you for him to proceed it may be unfair to put it all on him. That may be something to pay attention to. Either way you may like to check out the Sexual Icebreakers thread though there isn't much content it introduces a concept of easing the two of you into new territories. Hmmm does he have a problem with the term "sex" thus preferring a different one or is he saying that he believes the sex act is demeaning in itself? And is it demeaning in general or only specifically between you two? If he does, is it demeaning towards you, him, or both of you? This will be of interest in how you address those feelings/beliefs. Sadly there is a whole heap of rubbish over the condemnation of sex - as opposed to just the condemnation of immoral sex - in some religious circles. Historically (and there may still be some adherents on some level) there were some Christian scholars who saw even sex within marriage as a necessary evil. Far out! Totally sad and biblically inaccurate. You may want to explore where these deep beliefs are coming from (if he has them). It doesn't necessarily have to have a religious origin. You may want to read up on the Madonna-whore complex. One other thought that I had, and its probably a stretch, but maybe he is rushing the foreplay over difficulties of maintaining an erection or concerns about loosing it (temporarily).
  11. Just Curious: Why do you like short girls?

    Makes sense. Perception, even if divorced from reality, is powerful. If we are talking about some Darwinian evolution then I would tend to disagree with this sentiment. Consider that in more primitive settings (lacking the security nets and opportunities of a more complex society) having a smaller/weaker/more vulnerable partner in need of extra protection (aka extra resources that others need to provide) isn't a favourable thing (emphasis on "in need of extra protection” - not necessarily linked with height/size). It is a luxury. I suspect a particular attraction to women “in need of protection” as partners (as opposed to desiring to protect the people we love) is a first world, romanticised notion and at its worst the playing out of a dysfunctional “rescuer” role - which can be good-willed or predatory. Thoughts?
  12. Why do guys do this?...

    Seconded. That's what came into my mind anyway. Maybe also trying to elicit jealousy or boost their profile? As in "desired people are more desirable": https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/women-men-relationships-more-attractive-dating-romance-university-study-a8185026.html.
  13. Wait up! Hold a minute! Put a little love in it ... This is the first I've heard of it! Ah! Man am I behind the times! Congratulations!! This is awesome Stoked! Another married waiter! This seriously made my night. Yaaaaaaay *snoops through NicoleNova's profile* Where be the testimony/story? @Will H I second the above posts. Short of having some kind of PTSD triggering, go for it! And if you have PTSD go for it anyway - it'll probably help you get over it
  14. Food Waste...

    I recently watched a mini series on waste in Australia "War on Waste" by ABC TV. Had some interesting and sad info. The first episode focused on food waste and the cosmetic standards of produce retailers that see tons of good food thrown out because they didn't match some ridiculous cosmetic standard - which they say is from consumers. Bananas for example would be thrown out if too big, too small, too curved, too straight, too fat, too thin, freckled/marked....A crying shame really! In my region there are a number of orchards and sometimes we can gets "seconds". Frankly, better and fresher than what you get in store! A few months ago was blueberry season here and we were able to get as many free blueberries as we would want. A fellow I know who worked on the farm was taking ute fulls home and feeding them to his cows...The farm had to dump dozens of tons of seconds and overproduction they couldn't process in time. Craziness... Here are a few pics of a load I got. Who the heck has a problem with massive blueberries? Mate, I love this region! We also got some mango seconds. The orchard has some 300 different varieties! Last year I got a selection of different varieties - the tastes were quite nicely diverse. And again better than store-bought because they are more naturally ripened. One variety, R2E2, gets really big fruit. "Too big" for the supermarkets so they have to pick them when they are small and nowhere near ripe so a lot of the natural sugars are lost . If they have marks they can't sell them or they get reduced payment. If they pick them when it is raining they get paid less (because they mark easier) - purchasers actually ring them to inquire if they are picking. Sad... So anyone else out there happy to eat less than perfect produce? Do you get seconds from someplace? What do you think of supermarket's cosmetic standards for produce? Dumpster diving - would you do it?
  15. 2MetresAbove is is here!

    do tell
  16. 2MetresAbove is is here!

    Welcome big guy Doesn't feel like it sometimes....
  17. That annoying moment when the cane toad jumps away just in time...

  18. Contrary to popular opinion, men can be very sensitive particularly when it comes to sexual issues and wounds. Sometimes simply being honest isn't good enough - tact and understanding is important. It will be easier for you to be more "adult"/unemotional about this because you aren't the one receiving the blame and being told you aren't good enough. Put yourself in his shoes: he feels bad (possibly shameful) about his sexual past, he planned/hoped to start your sexual union wonderfully but the exact opposite results, and the wife who before marriage accepted the past he disclosed (oh wonderful acceptance!) is now laying it onto him! As far as the sexual union - even "experienced" people can be terrible lovers simply because of the crap they learnt or they didn't have the information/relationship that guided expectations and behaviour. He might not know that he is/might be a terrible sex partner even if he had lots of other sex partners...If you've waited you might not have accurate expectations of sex either or at least the start of a sexual union. I get the sense that you are expecting a husband of some years experience out of a newbie.... You CANNOT expect a newlywed husband to have the skill and growth of a man married for years. Marriage (should) develops people (and it would sometimes seem particularly men as we are less naturally relationally oriented). Your husband may also be very different personality wise than your father, he might not be a natural leader and it may take time for that to develop (with the right kind of environment created by you and peers/mentors). You may be more directive and in-charge so you may have chosen a spouse who is more submissive or go-with-the-flow. Comparing him to your father (whether to him or just within yourself) doesn't do him justice. What if you dreamed of being a great cook to your husband all your life and then at the first few meals you make for him he tells you it doesn't taste as good as his mother's cooking and maybe he made a mistake marrying you? That's news to me...I'm kinda disappointing that this has failed for me... It does seem like from your posts his past is significantly on your thoughts and is likely shaping your interactions with him in the present... It sounds like you had a bad experience but for most people I don't think their first experience is the best. This can get better with time and they generally need time to get better as spouses learn about each other and develop trust and intimacy both sexual and nonsexual. Rules?? *looks around* why didn't anyone tell me!? Is there an exam? haha...I think you might mean "expectations of virgins"? While yes, it would be lovely if he had made himself knowledgeable or inquired on what some of those expectations may be (and would vary from person to person), did you talk about your expectations/wishes before and during? Unfortunately, *sometimes* we don't know what we don't know - while sometimes we know what we don't know...Men aren't mindreaders and I would not rely on him picking up subtle clues related to your arousal or discomfort this early in the relationship - at least so far it seems like you shouldn't with him for whatever reason. While he needs to learn to inquire, you also need to make sure you are communicating in a sufficiently clear, timely, and appropriate manner. And again, having a healthy mutually satisfying sex life involves a learning curve that, hopefully you both tackle as a team with understanding, compassion, and hope. I thought @Lovelyish's post was excellent and I highly concur in giving counselling a go! No shame in getting help when needed! Even if it is going to a pastor who does premarital counselling - which I think would be rather cheap if not free. What you think is the issue may not be the issue and what you think isn't the issue may be...and it looks like he would be willing to give it a shot so that is one problem settled.
  19. Never Met a Christian Man!

    Regardless of what they are feeling, they aren't though...That's the kicker. No covenant has been entered into. Before marriage there is no commitment apart from (likely) dating exclusively - even an engagement can be broken off without "any" repercussions/obligations except potentially the return of the engagement ring (apart from pains of relationship breakdown etc). If they consider themselves married/as committed as a married couple then what precisely is stopping them from actually getting married? If they can name anything then it shows they aren't as committed.... If you asked these individuals whether they would consider themselves divorced if their "committed" relationship broke up and would hold themselves to the Biblical moral dictates regarding conditions of re-marriage I doubt any would say "yes" PARTICULARLY post-"breakup"! As far as forming a legally stamped marital union, while I do put some weight on it - if only because it sets more protective restraints/foundations about the relationship hence making people probably think harder if they really want to make that commitment, I do not consider the state's sanction necessary (as much as a state divorce does mean (according to the Biblical standard) that both parties are free to remarry. However, if the couple believes themselves married before God then they should also submit themselves to the consequences of that Biblical framework - ie brake up vs separation/divorce etc. Not to mention: "If you love me, keep my commandments" John 14:15; "And this is love, that we walk after his commandments" 2 John 1:6. Hmmmm To me people use the word "judgmental" incorrectly when used in this context. There is nothing wrong with judgement or judgmental - without it there would be no right and no wrong, no rewards and no censure, no praise and no correction. When people use this term they should be using "condemning" instead.
  20. Food Waste...

    That is sad, though when it comes to things like high risk foods like meat then I can understand the concern. Yet I know from dumpster divers that some stores will lock their food bins. You'd think that someone who grabbed stuff out of your bin won't be able to sue you for eating out of it locked or unlocked... *eye-roll* I know with food-drives that there is an issue with people donating out of date cans and its a cost on the charity to sort them all out. It doesn't bother me (generally) if something is out of date but they can't pass it on. I wonder if they differentiate between "use by" and "best before"...
  21. Hello, My Name Is Saddam, Im New Here

    Welcome
  22. Just Curious: Why do you like short girls?

    I don't care that much about height but... more space and energy efficient?
  23. Never Met a Christian Man!

    This is so sad! We do exist. Few and far between by the sounds of things what has this world come to!
  24. Hello, newbie here!

    Hi and welcome. Not too late to start making the right choices This is a place for waiters, regardless of your past.
  25. Just joined

    Welcome welcome