'tis the Bearded One

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Everything posted by 'tis the Bearded One

  1. So.....

    @Jasmine23 I would be careful of posting my email outside the VDA forum where any non-member can see it....
  2. It doesn't seem a waste to me if you did the best you could to have a successful marriage. WTM is statistically significant to a marriage duration. Not sure if you are a Christian but you might want to check out Romans 8:28. I wouldn't say that simply because a marriage ended you weren't supposed to marry that person and thus the idea of waste. In a way it is a different take on the soul-mate fallacy: oops the marriage didn't work out - it must be because I married the incorrect person/not my soul-mate. When this kind of thinking takes hold within a marriage it can be disastrous. While single, we want to do our best to marry the "right" person but when we are married that person should become the "right" person (barring legitimate divorce issues such as cheating and legitimate separation issues such as abuse). I can't remember where I read/heard it but it was in the some marriage course/material - Addressing the question of "Did I marry the right person? (Because I'm not happy/not as happy as I expected/wanted to be in this marriage)" to which their reply was: "If you are married to them they are the right person". Fundamentally it comes down to what you believe marriage is for as it relates to you personally - is it more to provide hedonistic happiness or is it more to grow your character? You might like to check out Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. I realise you take strong issue with a partner being sexual with others in the past, however, sexual purity does not mean only having sex with one person (after you married them) for the rest of your life it may be the ideal (who knows, it may be in God's plan for you to be married to more than 1 person in your lifetime). If a WTM spouse dies/just divorce and they remarry a fellow WTM widow (or just divorcee) (and they WTM) that sexual experience between them is "pure". That is if you define purity as an absence of sin. Neither party is breaking any moral law. Will it be as exclusive as two virgins coming together? No. Generally, we view exclusivity as a key part of purity while WTMing and while in a relationship/marriage but when it comes to (just) remarriage the fact that someone has had healthy, moral sex with someone else should not, indeed cannot negate the purity of that union. Otherwise we have moral action (marital sex) causing moral impurity! I think it is good that you are addressing these concerns of yours and while I am loath to add to your burden in doing so a different angle may help process through it: Remarriage isn't the only possible instance of you potentially having sex with someone who has also had "sex" with someone else even if all the parties successfully WTMed. What if you wife (or you) were raped after the wedding?
  3. There are people, including on this forum I believe, who hold the position that not all sexual acts extinguish an individual's virginity. Some people hold that virginity can only be "lost" through PIV and anything else is a-ok. It is a position that makes no sense to me but it is out there unfortunately.
  4. This is a fantastic question. Would be interesting to hear. I have come across this issue elsewhere but it generally seemed to be not the waiting component that caused troubles but how the person waiting and their mindset. Exciting! Sounds like you'll be able to answer your own question soon Don't forget about us
  5. A woman's voice

    I haven't been around enough drunk little girls to know what they sound like...probably a good thing...
  6. The Bible & Wifely Submission

    This thread was created to mitigate the derailing of another thread [http://forums.waitingtillmarriage.org/topic/5057-nyc-pastors-list-of-menwomen-to-avoid-marrying/] and continue discussion concerning any possible moral commands in scripture (particularly Ephesians 5) for wives to submit to their husbands. While I plan to explore this in greater detail once I have the time and energy *cough* exams *cough* for now I'd like to know more about the understanding of those who believe scripture creates an absolute moral command for all wives to submit to their respective husbands in everything. What if: 1) A husband commands his wife to do something which violates her conscience? 2) A husband commands his wife to do something which violates God's law or any rights she has according to scripture? Is your definition of husband "the male she is married to" being devoid of any standards of conduct or fulfillment of role "obligations"?
  7. Hi Everyone

    Welcome man! Where do you hail from? Hedgehogs are pretty cute.
  8. A woman's voice

    Hard to describe...I know I don't like some. There is a (married) woman at my church whose voice I don't really like but she has a heart of gold so that makes up for it I guess the lovely ladies here could upload some voice recordings... Now there's an idea
  9. Waiting and Loneliness

    I think trying to deal with loneliness by making yourself really busy/distracted is only a temporary solution and possibly a harmful one. Every now and then you are likely to snap back into the loneliness and possibly regret wasted time depending on what you distracted yourself with and whether you neglected opportunities for pursuing a spouse. As far as how to deal with it, I think @Invincible's post was great! One could add to that that marriage can (should) bring a person closer to God through personal development and the comparison of marriage to our relationship with God found throughout scripture. Marriage is quite possibly the greatest catalyst for personal growth out there. Certainly nothing wrong with desiring it deeply but the vulnerability that that need/desire creates isn't lauded in every circle...Also I think trying to direct that emotional energy into relationship progressing activities (e.g. personal relational development, pursuing someone) is the way to go. Any resources to recommend? Amen Here is one of my favourite loneliness songs for you all to enjoy
  10. Relational Comfort and Shaving Habits

    So there seems to be a thing about some/many women decreasing or nearly stopping shaving when they are comfortable in their romantic relationship. Some men complain that their partner has "let themselves go" and that it is affecting their attraction to them; they used to shave before (for them) why don't they continue now that the relationship is serious/married? Some women who keep "having" to shave grow resentful over it. What are your thought on this? If you have done/do this or plan to, why? If you don't want to continue shaving in a relationship why do so at the start? Note: this isn't about the choice (to shave or not - we have other threads on that) but rather the change in habit.
  11. Relational Comfort and Shaving Habits

    Hmm I don't think these guys' position is that women should shave for them but rather that they would like them to. And the lack of gesture in not doing so communicates a lack of concern or affection. Like a bait and switch; now that I've "got you" I don't need to try anymore. I don't think it is that they don't love them anymore but that it does affect their sexual attraction towards them. For some people lack of shaving might not be a big deal in regard to sexual attraction, for others it seems it is. What it would take to change that would I suppose be the next question... So, you should be able to "let yourself go" and your spouse is still expected to be sexually attracted to you and say you look beautiful/handsome even if he/she doesn't think so? Are we drawing any boundaries to this unconditional acceptance? If you were dating someone and they expressed that they preferred their partner in their natural/unshaven state how would you take that? Good point.
  12. Hi I am so glad I found this website!

    My thought too (edit: though I'm not a teenager...). Its a good thing Welcome @Hunter Finch
  13. Esperando la fortuna real

    Welcome, joseph ink, from the land of Angel Falls...
  14. I am new here from Ghana

    Hi and welcome Good timing on joining; the forum had some hiccups recently.
  15. Is it possible to wait till marriage for a male?

  16. Hello everyone!

    I'm late to the party but oh well. Welcome Kiwi! New Zealand is a beautiful country
  17. Speedy Evaluations

    They say first impressions matter. Have you consciously reflected on what informs your initial impressions? Given a significant number of potential interests (either for friendship or romantic) and limited time, how do you whittle down the candidates so you can use your time wisely in developing contacts? Some factors may be biases and presumptions that cannot be validated or rejected given the time.....Some might be previously subconscious; some may be indicators you consciously created… I am very interested in hearing them! One of the factors I've noticed with myself is: Handshakes: being greeted with a limp, dead fish that lacks vigour is thoroughly off-putting regardless of gender. I'll share some more later on.
  18. Speedy Evaluations

    Come on people! Imagine the scenario of a camp/get-together over a weekend or week, heaps of single people everywhere that you don't know....How do you try to optimise your time and efforts?
  19. The Catch-22 of Waiting

    I have not heard this before. Where are you getting that from?
  20. self My Introduction

    Hi Emily, welcome to the forum Nice to see a lurker getting active. Antinatalist huh? Could make for an interesting topic....
  21. A DISCORD FOR US SINCE THE CHAT IS DOWN

    How does this work with privacy if its used on a mobile phone??
  22. Stand-Up

    Oh yes. Haven't seen to much about his but what I have is good. Case in point:
  23. Complicated Situation

    Great idea @Siftastic. Depending on where you live, there can be many groups e.g. Toastmasters, hobby clubs, book clubs, volunteering activities, sporting groups, etc
  24. "I Don't Know What To Say"

    Here is a similar short from a movie Inside Out