'tis the Bearded One

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Posts posted by 'tis the Bearded One

  1. On 3/17/2017 at 8:26 AM, SG1 said:

    That might be true for you and/or the long-term relationships you have had, assuming you have had any. However, other couples are able to build strong, interpersonal connections in other ways.

    I know plenty that are fully secure in themselves, have unyielding trust in each other, deeply care about the opinions their spouse has of them, and they have the best interpersonal connections they have ever experienced. They are each other’s best friend, supporter, and lover.

    The foundation to those successful marriages were built upon several strengths: First having confidence in themselves and then each other, then having the security that comes along with their confidence, and then trusting each other (and a few other qualities but not relevant here.). These pillars of strength work great for them to cultivate their love for one another.

    They did not build their successful marriage upon weakness, insecurity, fear of risks, or thoughts of negative repercussions. There are different paths to building and cultivating successful relationships. To each their own.

    Sorry for the late reply; lost sight of it....

    I think you're misunderstanding the concept of interpersonal vulnerability. You might like to watch some videos on youtube - Brene Brown is a researcher addressing vulnerability. Vulnerability isn't weakness (though it can be problematic if you are habitually vulnerable to an abusive person or otherwise actioned unhealthily as much as other good things like generosity can take on an unhealthy form). Take a person who doesn't make themselves interpersonally vulnerable to another human being and you're talking about a psychopath.

    How do you gain confidence in someone else? No matter what their level of expertise or skill they are human and failure is always an option. Intellectual belief in their capabilities only gets you so far. I'm sure you've heard the Charles Blondin Wheelbarrow Story. 

    And again, how do you develop trust? At its core through some form of risk. Doesn't mean you're wracked with fear and nail biting or that you are some mess of insecurities. You may not be consciously aware of taking the risk but it exists nonetheless. 

    Confidence and trust in someone doesn't just spontaneously happen. It develops - it can increase and decrease. Certainly, people have different levels of base trust/confidence that they extend to others depending on various factors but that base level certainly wouldn't be enough for a marriage. A trust relationship exists because someone took a chance/risk. If not through some risk, what do you think grows trust or confidence in others?

    My guess would be that they've built their successful marriage through sharing their weaknesses, insecurities, and fears which gives the opportunity for increasing understanding and trust and responding to eachother's deeper concerns. That sharing takes vulnerability, it is a risk, because that knowledge can be used against the sharer. Someone you've opened up to, someone who knows you, can hurt you like no one else. 

  2. On 2/17/2018 at 5:05 AM, Jasmine rose said:

    What a strange comment.i don't think the king of Kings god made any boundaries to separate any one from each other and god.god has provided enough on this planet for all.one the most important words from the Bible is love others as I have loved you.maybe looking at it in the sense you are giving to these children of God you won't feel robbed?


    On 2/18/2018 at 11:45 AM, redgrapes said:

    You reminded me of a section of the Sermon on the Mount, which happens to be one of my favorite parts of the Bible. ^_^

    "Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
    Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." - Matthew 5:38-48 (KJV)

    I have read the claim that undocumented labour in the USA provides a net economic gain but regardless of that I don't think you can take this Bible text, which is of an individual nature and given to a conquered people under a foreign government and apply it as an argument against deportation of illegal immigrants by a government - and a secular one at that. This text cannot be use to effectively force others through government policy to be generous and impose open borders. Consider Romans 13:1–7. 

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  3. On 12/20/2017 at 7:04 PM, Raj said:

    I’m single virgin guy and I’m seriously addicted to masturbate in bed while watching porn on my phone every night in bed cuz i feel lonely and horny all the time but when i’m outside, i’m extremely shy and can’t even make eye contact with any female. I think i’m extremely picky about choosing the right girl for commitment, that made me not to even try for making a gf, I ignore all females thinking that she’s not the right one for me and she’ll dump me in near future, I have lotz of anxiety and depression, except all the above, i’m perfectly clean, healthy, fit and in shape, no any other problems, is it normal..?


    While you may also have some problems with anxiety and depression independent of porn consumption, from what I know they would be most likely causally linked. You are feeling some of the negative consequences of porn consumption. Its not worth it. Get help and get through it!

  4. On 11/3/2013 at 4:39 AM, Mirage said:

    Addiction has a very loose definition, what is addiction? Is a man who simply looks at porn (as it's fairly obvious that that is the addiction mark has in mind) once or twice a week addicted? Is a man who drinks a few beers every Friday night at the bar an alcoholic? Some will say yes, others will say no, the fact is it all depends on the tolerance level of the one seeing the addict.

    I think the definition of addiction is fairly well defined. Diagnosing is what the layman may have difficulties with. Porn and alcohol aren't addictions. Addiction is a particular relationship with a substance or activity that may or may not be considered inherently addictive. Whether someone is an addict or not has nothing to do with the tolerance level of the one seeing the addict. While there are different levels of addiction they are all still addicts.

  5. On 11/29/2017 at 3:47 PM, Amber Elizabeth said:

    And my second dream room would be a sex dungeon. :D Well actually it would just be a regular dungeon, we'll just be calling it a sex one so people won't look at me and my husband funny when we go to buy the building materials for the dungeon. 

    What is a regular dungeon? Like...a cellar??


    Dream room? A study that opens up to a private patio with plenty of room for plants and bees and some tinkering. A good kitchen is worth a lot too....

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  6. On 2/16/2018 at 3:33 PM, Lovelyish said:

    I love how this post went from "hi!  Here is an encouraging thing!  Who else has an encouraging thing to share?"


    "Hey no offense but your entire religion is wrong, even though my religion came out of it.  Here's some stuff you believe even though you say you don't".

    Yes, as interesting and important as these theological discussions are they do belong in a different thread. There are many different religious perspectives on this forum and debate should be restricted to threads designed for debate out of respect and preventing threads from getting derailed. 

    @Geraldine Maybe you would like to start a separate discussion thread?

  7. What I find noticeably tough at times is the lack of physical affection, just non-sexual affectionate physical touch. Apart from hello/goodbye hugs I pretty much don't get any voluntarily affectionate touch. The most affectionate touch I currently get is from my godchildren - their passionate hugs, when they just want to climb all over you, when they get jealous of each other because one of them is sitting on you, when they want to be held, when they snuggle into you....ahhhh I soak it up like a sponge in the Atacama desert. 

    Last year a friend gave me a short shoulder massage for my birthday. I nearly teared up. *sigh*

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  8. On 3/27/2018 at 6:27 AM, Darren91 said:

    I think girls tend to like taller guy because there's a better chance they are strong and more able to shield and protect.

    Makes sense. Perception, even if divorced from reality, is powerful.


    On 3/27/2018 at 6:27 AM, Darren91 said:

    I think guys like small girls who are easier to pick up and carry out of harm's way.
    This is how we have evolved

    If we are talking about some Darwinian evolution then I would tend to disagree with this sentiment. Consider that in more primitive settings (lacking the security nets and opportunities of a more complex society) having a smaller/weaker/more vulnerable partner in need of extra protection (aka extra resources that others need to provide) isn't a favourable thing (emphasis on "in need of extra protection” - not necessarily linked with height/size). It is a luxury.

    I suspect a particular attraction to women “in need of protection” as partners (as opposed to desiring to protect the people we love) is a first world, romanticised notion and at its worst the playing out of a dysfunctional “rescuer” role - which can be good-willed or predatory.  


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  9. 7 hours ago, charlemagne said:

    i am guessing it is 1) because they find you physically attractive 2) they will not (or perhaps some of them would sleep with another woman if given the chance) sleep with another woman. they instead push whatever they are feeling in that moment onto their spouse.

    Seconded. That's what came into my mind anyway. Maybe also trying to elicit jealousy or boost their profile? As in "desired people are more desirable": https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/women-men-relationships-more-attractive-dating-romance-university-study-a8185026.html.

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  10. 2 hours ago, NicoleNova said:

    I actually married the only man that I've ever been in a relationship with.

    Wait up! Hold a minute! Put a little love in it ... This is the first I've heard of it! Ah! Man am I behind the times! Congratulations!! This is awesome :D Stoked! Another married waiter! This seriously made my night. Yaaaaaaay

    *snoops through NicoleNova's profile* Where be the testimony/story? :superwaiter:


    @Will H I second the above posts. Short of having some kind of PTSD triggering, go for it! And if you have PTSD go for it anyway - it'll probably help you get over it B)

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