'tis the Bearded One

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About 'tis the Bearded One

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    Droning for a Queen

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    : The Land Down Under

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  1. Humorous: Why you should wait!

    You should wait because "When were you last tested?" doesn't sound like foreplay to me.
  2. We have a serious thread of why we decided to wait. I thought a more non-serious one could be fun! I made it third party so it doesn't have to be personal or gender specific. Be sarcastic, satirical, witty whatever. Shoot! Why should you wait? So your partner can't propose to you during sex! Have fun sharing that story...
  3. Virgin Therapists: Home Sweet Hell

    Sorry for the late reply; lost sight of it.... I think you're misunderstanding the concept of interpersonal vulnerability. You might like to watch some videos on youtube - Brene Brown is a researcher addressing vulnerability. Vulnerability isn't weakness (though it can be problematic if you are habitually vulnerable to an abusive person or otherwise actioned unhealthily as much as other good things like generosity can take on an unhealthy form). Take a person who doesn't make themselves interpersonally vulnerable to another human being and you're talking about a psychopath. How do you gain confidence in someone else? No matter what their level of expertise or skill they are human and failure is always an option. Intellectual belief in their capabilities only gets you so far. I'm sure you've heard the Charles Blondin Wheelbarrow Story. And again, how do you develop trust? At its core through some form of risk. Doesn't mean you're wracked with fear and nail biting or that you are some mess of insecurities. You may not be consciously aware of taking the risk but it exists nonetheless. Confidence and trust in someone doesn't just spontaneously happen. It develops - it can increase and decrease. Certainly, people have different levels of base trust/confidence that they extend to others depending on various factors but that base level certainly wouldn't be enough for a marriage. A trust relationship exists because someone took a chance/risk. If not through some risk, what do you think grows trust or confidence in others? My guess would be that they've built their successful marriage through sharing their weaknesses, insecurities, and fears which gives the opportunity for increasing understanding and trust and responding to eachother's deeper concerns. That sharing takes vulnerability, it is a risk, because that knowledge can be used against the sharer. Someone you've opened up to, someone who knows you, can hurt you like no one else.
  4. How Can You Know if You Are Ready to Be a Godly Wife?

    I have read the claim that undocumented labour in the USA provides a net economic gain but regardless of that I don't think you can take this Bible text, which is of an individual nature and given to a conquered people under a foreign government and apply it as an argument against deportation of illegal immigrants by a government - and a secular one at that. This text cannot be use to effectively force others through government policy to be generous and impose open borders. Consider Romans 13:1–7.
  5. Regarding Addicts

    While you may also have some problems with anxiety and depression independent of porn consumption, from what I know they would be most likely causally linked. You are feeling some of the negative consequences of porn consumption. Its not worth it. Get help and get through it!
  6. Regarding Addicts

    I think the definition of addiction is fairly well defined. Diagnosing is what the layman may have difficulties with. Porn and alcohol aren't addictions. Addiction is a particular relationship with a substance or activity that may or may not be considered inherently addictive. Whether someone is an addict or not has nothing to do with the tolerance level of the one seeing the addict. While there are different levels of addiction they are all still addicts.
  7. You can have two dream rooms in your home, what do you want?

    What is a regular dungeon? Like...a cellar?? Dream room? A study that opens up to a private patio with plenty of room for plants and bees and some tinkering. A good kitchen is worth a lot too....
  8. Birth control/condoms as a married man or woman

    In the immortal words of Mark Gungor: "Wearing a condom is like eating an icecream cone with a sock on your tongue.” I haven't really given contraception much research. I imagine my wife will have done a lot more. The IUD sounds ok. I've also heard that neem is really effective too...
  9. Favorite saint of purity

    Yes, as interesting and important as these theological discussions are they do belong in a different thread. There are many different religious perspectives on this forum and debate should be restricted to threads designed for debate out of respect and preventing threads from getting derailed. @Geraldine Maybe you would like to start a separate discussion thread?
  10. Yo @Invincible, can we get this shifted to VDA? No idea sorry. I don't really know more than I wrote. But they wouldn't be the only ones struggling with getting the sex life kickstarted in marriage (see podcast below). So the guy might not be a natural romantic. I would suggest not giving "hints" but being direct and giving him the bottom line. There is a gender difference in communication style. A female might pick up on your hints but a male may not. "I feel it is special when..." "I don't feel it is special when..." As with anything, you'll have to give him grace that his version of special may be different from yours and you will (likely) need to compromise to some extent if you want to set up a healthy relationship. Remember that while he may have had sex with others this is his first time with you too and his desires and expectations are also relevant, not just yours. Basically don't assume you like or dislike anything because some other partner liked or didn't like it. Here is a link to a podcast I like to listen to and only came across this segment a little while ago and thought it relevant to a number of issues you are facing: the "Ok sex is Ok" section with Gary Thomas http://www.boundless.org/podcast-section/2017/marks-of-a-mature-christian-episode-469 Hmmm. He doesn't give enough foreplay and you pump the breaks because he is rushing things; he gives extended foreplay and you pump the breaks because you feel guilty instead of aroused. You are pumping the breaks because you don't feel something is special enough when he does but you also feel guilty when the sex feels like its just all about you and pump the breaks. Can you see a significant problem here? Rather than an addon to the problem, it may be the problem - and "his problems" are an easier and more comfortable target. He may have problems, but that doesn't excuse you owning up to and working on your own. Interacting with only one party is necessarily limiting. Have you sought couple/individual counselling? This would be particularly relevant if you have vaginismus or something similar. By the sounds of things seeing a sex therapist would most probably be beneficial too - for him and you. An attitude of (if you have it) "I'll work on my problems when he works on his" is not healthy. The only thing you can control is yourself. A common problem in marriages are cycles of hurt that can only break when one person "chooses to be the bigger person". Check this out: http://www.drsuejohnson.com/where-does-love-go-wrong/ What baggage would you be accepting and how would you be accepting it? But you are married now so apart from seeking repentance for and working through guilt for past choices I don't see the relevance. How long ago was your wedding btw for some context? Anyone else have any ideas? I'm feeling a little alone out here... Any ladies?
  11. Congratulations on your wedding, Lovelyish!

    Yay Congratulations! Hope you had and are having an awesome time
  12. Engagement Ring Stone

    Opal anyone? Though I suppose they may need too large a piece to really shine...
  13. Engagement Ring Stone

    Oh you get chains. They're just intangible
  14. What I find noticeably tough at times is the lack of physical affection, just non-sexual affectionate physical touch. Apart from hello/goodbye hugs I pretty much don't get any voluntarily affectionate touch. The most affectionate touch I currently get is from my godchildren - their passionate hugs, when they just want to climb all over you, when they get jealous of each other because one of them is sitting on you, when they want to be held, when they snuggle into you....ahhhh I soak it up like a sponge in the Atacama desert. Last year a friend gave me a short shoulder massage for my birthday. I nearly teared up. *sigh*