'tis the Bearded One

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About 'tis the Bearded One

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    Advanced Member

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  • Gender
  • Location
    : The Land Down Under
  • Interests
    (in no particular order)

    The Bible; I'm a Seventh-day Adventist - though please don't presume I believe everything you think the Church believes....

    Reading - mostly nonfiction

    Creative & academic writing

    Nature and outdoor activities - hiking, canoeing, snorkeling etc

    Orchids & aquariums

    Playing sports - volleyball (indoor rebound), table tennis, badminton

    Routine exercise - well, *cough* more in principle than (regular) practice. It's a struggle to stick to exercise routines and having a metabolism as fast as a Japanese bullet train means I don't need it to lose weight but rather gain weight. I am relatively fit though and not underweight, I checked...The most weight I've gained from routine exercise was 3kg. And yes, you guessed it; I've lost it since then.

    Law (law reform, social justice, civil rights) & psychology

    Cooking for my daily sustenance - NO actually! I'm telling fibs. Love me, feed me, never leave me! I do enjoy baking Christmas cookies though.

    Travel & cultural exposure


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  1. Thank you Cyclone Debbie...

  2. Practical Masculinity

    hmmm to me some of this seemed to be getting into the realm of insecurity? My practical skills while decent are far less than my intellectual skills, or less natural put it that way. I don't think I'd have an issue employing someone to do something that I can't and they are qualified to do. Maybe that will change a little when I'm married and I want to be perceived as competent in as many areas as possible. I could see it as particularly a problem if I in general don't feel competent enough for my wife or she has an attitude of "Hey, it's nice you're really good at xzy but a real man should be able to do this too! Now we have to do yzx because you can't!". Also, if my practical inability was to an extent that say, I couldn't change a flat tyre, that would be a shot to my masculinity even if simply because it is a manifestation of my inability to lead/ensure things are running well/opens the family unit up to unnecessary vulnerability/dependency. Masculinity can focus on practical/mechanical tasks over relational/intellectual - you might feel less masculine if you can't fix your car as opposed to completing tax returns or filing a subpoena. Certainly, being able to fix my car and be physically competent in general makes me feel more masculine (plus I like the savings it brings...) but there's a point to were trying to do something when not qualified is just stupid and in a way a failure in the leadership role. The "can you do that?" could come across as doubting his competence but if she wants to show a desire to help I think she should express this [isn't the wife meant to be the helpmeet?]. But I think a rephrasing to "Let me know if you want my help" would be more appreciated. I can want her help [or not even her help but just her presence in doing something with me] and not need her help. This is in a way along the lines of the couple tip were the wife shouldn't say "Can you bring out the trash" but rather "Will you bring out the trash". A subtle difference that can mean a lot. Afterall, men don't ask "Can you marry me?" hahaha Urgh, cockiness. Just witnessing it makes me uncomfortable! This made me think of a sociopath....but I get your point. Sad indeed. Similarly, in my circle of acquaintance, at a shared meal (I think hosted by the couple even), the sister made a snide remark regarding her sister's cooking abilities. Objectively incorrect so I don't know where that came from maybe snobbishness or jealousy. Anyway, her loud choleric partner ripped into her (his partner's sister)....It was maybe a little too heavy handed; I probably would have taken a less confrontational approach especially considering she's capable of holding her own against her (younger) sister but it certainly got the message across haha.
  3. Practical Femininity

    *nods head* I find it so sad and nearly off putting when some women treat their pregnancy like some unwanted, blemishing burden. I realise that pregnancy brings its challenges and pains but overall it should be more cherished I think. The mother's psycho-emotional state has a significant impact already in utero on who this baby will become. I hope my wife will start loving our offspring even before we see him/her. And if she has a problem with me caressing her belly we are going to have issues!
  4. Random Thoughts

    Photo? No photo?
  5. Getting very broody

    Yes. And my sister is about to have her second cute procreation baby....
  6. What is your favorite fruit?

    Oh baby! Persimmon with thickened cream! Also, the persimmon variety that has to be soft to be ripe - you don't get these in the store... I love fruit in general so its hard to pick a favourite but a rare treat are mangosteen And now my mouth is watering...
  7. Fun advice: memes

  8. Fun advice: memes

  9. Yay! It's posted Interesting opinions both ways. In a way I'd feel bad deserting an online relationship for a local one even if we weren't dating exclusively (though I think that would be the case even if it was just local ones). I tend to be with @samaye on this one. Local person has benefit of local family etc. LDR would most likely require one of us forfeiting proximity to friends and family. That in itself is something to carefully consider. It might be fine but at which point do you even address that question? I don't think everyone who is dating online/LD is automatically willing to be the one that does the moving. I would also like to meet the person in person. Being around someone is different than over the internet even if it is over video or something. Depending on how far they live away that can be a considerable expenditure just to meet them. Absolutely could be well worth it. This raises the question who would cover the cost of the flight? The male? Shared? I guess this conundrum is another good reason to be upfront and explicit regarding the status of the relationship so people don't get hurt unnecessarily. If it is exclusive, I'd imagine you'd want to get down to brass tacks quicker than in a local relationship considering the obstacles a LDR faces anyway... Everything being equal (except for a slightly longer relationship with the online person) and that the online relationship is not exclusive, I think it would only make sense to prefer the local one. Purely logistically...Even if you had a slightly better connection with the online person, that can be quickly caught up with by the local person. Imagine if they were both local, both equally compatible, roughly the same connection with both, but one would cost thousands of dollars to spend travel time with, moving, proximity to family/friends issues if married etc. Just because the relationship is online, I don't see why it should be privileged. And sure, it sucks that these factors come into play (especially something like money...) but why wouldn't they this early in the relationship when it's not even exclusive? @Invincible@Slayerofdragon If you are making your online relationship exclusive despite a very lucrative (for lack of a better word) local option (for lack of a better word), do you think it would be fair to inform the online person first? I think I'd want to know if someone was treating our relationship as exclusive when I haven't given any indication that it is... This seems very sensible. *nods head*
  10. Melancholy Music

    @samaye Modern Noir...had some nice ones in there. I struggled to understand the lyrics in most though....It might just be me though. My dad has that issue too but to a greater degree.
  11. Sleeping in the Same Bed

    Ooh la la Snoring! I completely forgot about that smh. I shall add it to the list. Good to know the hyper-awareness settles down. In regard to him falling asleep: I have trouble falling asleep and one of the most enjoyable ways (and very effective) is to have someone read something to me. If you like reading before bed, it might be something that could work for the two of you. It's a little thing I'm looking forward to in marriage
  12. Virgin Therapists: Home Sweet Hell

    So what would you consider "bad vulnerability" and "good vulnerability"?? If I absolutely do not care about someone's opinion or what they might do with whatever I give them there won't be any interpersonal connection through vulnerability or any other means really. Vulnerability requires a degree of insecurity, of an extension of trust that may be violated, the risk of some negative repercussion. Depending on how that vulnerability is treated, positive connection either grow or diminishes.
  13. Sleeping in the Same Bed

  14. As an unmarried person, you are no doubt used to having a bed to your own. What luxury! Do you have any concerns about the fact that this will change once married? Are you a light sleeper? A heavy sleeper? A restless sleeper? A tosser and a turner? A starfisher? A kicker or a puncher? A blanket hogger? A cold sleeper? A hot sleeper? A sleep talker? A screamer? A snorer? A teeth grinder?! On the occasions that I've had to share a bed with someone, trying not to disturb their sleep frequently interfered with the quality of my own so....lets see how that turns out! I'll keep the stories for later....
  15. MUSIC!