'tis the Bearded One

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About 'tis the Bearded One

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    Advanced Member

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  • Gender
  • Location
    : The Land Down Under
  • Interests
    (in no particular order)

    The Bible; I'm a Seventh-day Adventist - though please don't presume I believe everything you think the Church believes....

    Reading - mostly nonfiction

    Creative & academic writing

    Nature and outdoor activities - hiking, canoeing, snorkeling etc

    Orchids & aquariums

    Playing sports - volleyball (indoor rebound), table tennis, badminton

    Routine exercise - well, *cough* more in principle than (regular) practice. It's a struggle to stick to exercise routines and having a metabolism as fast as a Japanese bullet train means I don't need it to lose weight but rather gain weight. I am relatively fit though and not underweight, I checked...The most weight I've gained from routine exercise was 3kg. And yes, you guessed it; I've lost it since then.

    Law (law reform, social justice, civil rights) & psychology

    Cooking for my daily sustenance - NO actually! I'm telling fibs. Love me, feed me, never leave me! I do enjoy baking Christmas cookies though.

    Travel & cultural exposure


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  1. MUSIC!

  2. Virgin Therapists: What would you do?

    Yes. But this was chosen by Jane without input or discussion with Adam. So it's okay not to give as long as I somehow make myself busy enough? She's not in forced labour, right?....Granted, she's made a commitment that one would want to keep but she has not even given Adam an indication that she will try her hardest to avoid such circumstances in the future. One of the big problems is the issue that Jane doesn't seem to have a problem with her behaviour over the last 2 months... There is no mention in the scenario that they both entered the marriage with an understanding that her/their careers will be prioritised. Even so, it is one thing to prioritise a job [in which case one would still expect Jane to be understanding of Adam's position and address this to a degree] and effectively discarding marital responsibilities for 2 months while reaping benefits; "prioritise career" doesn't meant "treat the marriage like dirt"... Unless it is mutually expressly and explicitly rejected, do you think that people should be generally able to assume that a marriage should be prioritised over careers? Might be a little presumptuous. Also, if she was not expected to give in the 2 months, how come she has some kind of debt/imbalance to work off? "Adam supported while being neglected for 2 months; now it's Jane's turn to make up for it". On a different note, one sleeping bag! Bad enough sleeping alone in a sleeping bag lol. That's quite the gamble.
  3. Random Thoughts

  4. Sexual Prowess: Personal and Social Status

    Certainly, that double standard exists in society though I see that in regard to premarital/extra-marital sex. Maybe the "unfettered" female sexuality outside of the "chains of monogamy" poses some kind of threat [it does as much as the male's but that is another issue]. Do you see this as applying to strictly monogamous women enjoying a rich sex life with their husband? Would a circle of married women shame each other [or single women to married women] for asserting they love/greatly desire to have sex with their husbands, and only their husbands? Would you say a certain feminine value exists of "taking care of" your husband in non-sexual ways such as cooking? If so, why wouldn't this extend to his sexual needs?
  5. Virgin Therapists: What would you do?

    While it seems a valid question. Allow me to suggest that it isn't because answering it shouldn't change much if anything. Are you going to try and suppress your need to cry if you think your husband might find it manipulative? Unless you hide it perfectly, might it not have the same effect? If you are not crying when you want to, I'd say you are doing your husband a disservice because it is a valuable indicator of your state of mind. You are being real with him. That is a way of showing respect. Unless I'm really into/lost in the confrontation (in which case I might be tempted to try and keep pushing through regardless of tears), my wife starting to cry indicates a break is most likely needed - or a significant slowing down. She is overwhelmed. Rational argumentation at that point is likely fruitless. At this point emotional probing and empathising is probably best. Once things have calmed down, we can revisit the issue. If you cry in order to manipulate him. Well, not supporting that! If I detect my wife doing that, boy oh boy girl oh girl you better backpedal something fierce because I will either be eating your face off or withdrawing and closing myself off [probably both at the same time actually...], giving you a foretaste of the capabilities of an INFJ doorslam. Expect pretty much everything post-facto being filtered through a potential manipulation filter. It's not fun for me, trust me. I'd say do whatever comes, ah, naturally in the circumstances. Pun intended
  6. Virgin Therapists: What would you do?

    To me your post seems a little contradictory. You get up Adam for not giving passionately but Jane gets of scott free?? Is a job [which economically, they probably don't need to justify such a level of stress and withdrawal from the marriage; it is fully her "choice"] a good enough reason not to be measured against the same standard? I'm all for passionate giving, but unless you are getting your "love tank" filled somewhere (God, friends, family) at a point, passionate giving will become unsustainable and due to a lack of boundaries you will be enabling your own abuse. You may argue that passionate giving for 2 months without any receiving [apart from extra $ which he probably doesn't value enough] isn't too long, but you haven't even suggested a healthy timeframe to unreciprocated passionate giving.... Not sure if you're getting the scenarios mixed up. The withholding for 2 months is in this scenario.... Unless we aren't holding Jane to the same standard, why would this make you less stressed? As Jane you have utterly failed to live up to this standard. Am I missing something?
  7. Character Crush

    Hugh Glass - The Revenant Ben - Seven Pounds Oh wait! Crushes.... This is hard! I actually had to peruse through my watched movie list. Then I rediscovered some Elizabeth Bennet - Pride and Prejudice (1995) Yeah man!! Totally, especially earlier in the series. She got a little less weird, more mainstream later on hahaha. I only discovered that series because of someone on this forum Juli Baker - Flipped Adaline Bowman - The Age of Adaline Cinderella - Cinderella 2015 Catherina Sforza - The Borgias (TV)
  8. My first romantic interest that I approached to pursue said that I was the first guy to tell her that he liked her in person. She was in her mid 20s at that point.... My younger brother (who is in high school) recently had a female classmate (who actually drives him crazy sometimes ; described as uber emotional and will vent/snap on him for no reason;...maybe she likes him? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) who was having a tough time for some reason (couldn't tell me/confidential) so he bought her her favourite drink, drew some flower on it (maybe some words too;can't remember) and put it in her locker. She broke down crying. The other girls told him that "No one does that kind of stuff". Anyone have any stories to share where you've done (or seen things done), that you would consider relatively standard or decent, receive what "should" be an unusual reaction? How do you find the standard for how one displays romantic or other kind of affection has changed? For those who have been approached with romantic intent, has this mostly been face-to-face or through a "safer" medium such as call, text, email, facebook, etc? Was it practical to do it face-to-face instead?
  9. Random Thoughts

    Twice now I've unintentionally pressed the "Mark forum as read" button! Why is there a tick in the box? It makes you want to remove it!!!! argghgghh (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻)
  10. OCD people: I'm disappointed in you.....

    This issue has been bugging me for a while....ever since the website update there is no word space (or colon) between "Location" and the [user's location] on the little side-blurb of people's posts!!! Isn't this terrible!!! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻) And I don't even have OCD..... For the many many many people who care about the grammatical beauty of this eminent forum, this can be corrected by simply inserting a colon and a space before your location in your profile information. I do accept that this merely replaces a greater evil with a far lesser one for now...but what else can be done?! Nothing, I say...nothing... *Hides somewhere safe from the OCD people who did not realise this until now*
  11. Your pleasure = Spouse's responsibility?

    It is a very sad issue. Check out this article: Thom Rainer in his book The Bridger Generation notes that believers are no longer Bible-based. He has made the following chart to illustrate this: Builders (born 1927-1945) – 65 percent Bible-based believers Boomers (born 1946-1964) – 35 percent Bible-based believers Busters (born 1965-1983) – 16 percent Bible-based believers Bridgers (born 1984 or later) – 4 percent Bible-based believers This is alarming! However, it is also alarming that few believers today hold a biblical worldview. The pollster, George Barna notes that only 7 percent of Protestants hold a biblical worldview. Non-denominational Protestant churches score only a little better at 13 percent. These figures are distressing and bewildering. Barna says, “The primary reason that people do not act like Jesus is because they do not think like Jesus.”
  12. The other meaning I was thinking of is when we treat Virgin synonymously with Novice/yet-to-be-broken in therapists...
  13. This was an issue raised by @Naturally in another thread and I thought I'd create another thread than derail that one further. This article makes the point that "a man's sexual prowess and the need to perform sexually is a fundamental emotional need. While some men become obsessed with proving their masculinity through sexual conquests, others avoid sexual interactions because they fear failure". To the guys: to what extend do you consider this true for men and the equivalent for women? To the ladies: do you feel sexual prowess to hold the same position in your identity/femininity? Personally, I'm not currently in any social circles where the practical manifestation of this is evident e.g. husbands encouraging each other to satisfy their wives sexually or reflecting on doing so as important or reprimanding someone who is failing to do so. Due to the barriers to heterosexual interpersonal male bonding in western society, it may not be expressed as intimately or explicitly either in most circles. I can however imagine it amongst close friends or a church small-group perhaps. Women are know to be far more chatty and "in each other's business" in their friend circles so I'm quite curious about any "insider" insight!
  14. Yes. I do hope they don't feel excluded..."Virgin Therapists" just has a better ring (and double meaning) than "Waiter Therapists". Technically most are probably "born-again virgins"...
  15. Fair enough. Let me rephrase, since as I've discussed with @Naturally the conflict itself needn't create the disconnection. At what level of emotion would you, ladies be inclined to withhold? Do you equate level of negative emotion with level of disconnection or can you feel a strong negative emotion but still feel sufficiently emotionally connected*? * the concept of a love-hate relationship is the closest I can come up with as an example. [feel free to create your own emotion list]: Neutral, indifferent, uncomfortable, annoyed, irritated, frustrated, exasperated, disappointed, insulted, aggravated, upset, angry, irate enraged... The emotions are a bit mixed above but afterwards I found this: an anger thermostat: 12 infuriated; raging; rageful; boiling; explosive 11.5 fuming; smoldering; inflamed; outraged 11 incensed; enraged 10.5 seething; livid; “hot” 10 bitter; irate; inflamed; rancorous 9.5 heated; wrathful; vengeful 9 hostile; belligerant 8.5 riled; galled; agitated; pissed off 8 indignant; insulted 7.5 disgusted; fed up; exasperated 7 perturbed; piqued 6.5 upset; antagonized; cross 6 resentful 5.5 provoked; irritated 5 miffed; irked; chagrined; disgruntled 4.5 vexed; “hot under the collar” 4 irritable; irascible; grumpy: grouchy 3.5 peevish; petulant; testy 3 offended; provoked 2.5 frustrated; uptight 2 annoyed; chafing 1.5 impatient; edgy; distressed 1 bothered; troubled 0.5 displeased; disappointed 0 completely calm and cool; peaceful; tranquil; fully in control—both emotionally and cognitively https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201401/the-anger-thermostat-whats-the-temperature-your-upset