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About rdk1211

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  1. It's pretty interesting to see the variety (and consistency) of these responses from people. I wasn't too surprised with the girls. It has corroborated what I found out when I did online dating for 5 years. Tattoos seem huge for you ladies for some reason, and I know I've always been a bit behind the 8-ball by never having them, but oh well. For me, I've always been attracted to femininity. I love long hair. Soft skin is a big deal, so I prefer less tan than more tan. Being shorter/smaller than me is a big deal. I love a classy girl. Tattoos and non-traditional piercings are insta-turnoffs. Crazy habits stylistically are not appealing to me either. Yeah, cleavage is great to look at for us guys. I know I love it, but that being said, it actually doesn't attract me to the girl, it just makes me look. I want a girl that doesn't want to have half of her goods out at all times for all the guys to see. Tight clothes are perfectly fine, and preferred, because I like a thin figure. A pretty face is the most important thing, and eyes are the most important part of the face. I love large, beautiful eyes. It's so fun to read a girl's emotions solely through her eyes. Being soft spoken is great as well. Being naturally coy/shy/humble are all big turn ons for me. I've learned more with time that I like a girl who embraces her own gender for it's inherent strengths, and basically rolls with what she knows she can do best with it. I believe we were designed in our respective ways for lots of reasons, and the natural connection, the yin to the yang type of bond that happens when both genders just "be themselves" for lack of a better term, is one of them. I just like simplicity, so I guess I'm more attracted to what comes easiest to either gender. Men are good at being men, and women are great at being women.
  2. Two factors play a major role in a situation like this, regardless of which sex is the "friend zoned" and which is the oblivious. The most important one is the amount of trust and respect the oblivious friend has for the person confessing their feelings. If they are just surface level friends, or acquaintances, with no real backstory or history, no quality time spent as legitimate friends, then the relationship is doomed if those feelings are let loose and end up being unrequited. You can't inject that much confusion to a friendship that wasn't solid to begin with, and expect it to continue or prosper afterward. The second thing is how much mature the person confessing their feelings is. It is a TOUGH pill to swallow to have to share that type of information with someone, get rejected, and still be able to hang around and be yourself around them, without feeling the regret and extreme tension of the failure that just went down. Some people without the ability to own up to their actions and move on will never be able to get past that, and that's just as detrimental to the friendship as the first scenario. Two people don't become good friends by happenstance. They both share mutual interests and respect one another for the true people they are. If the rejected friend feels like they all of a sudden have to walk on eggshells around the person they confessed their heart to, that will ruin the whole dynamic and both parties will feel the shame of the one person. You don't continue friendships with people that make you feel bad about yourself. That person who didn't have the same feelings doesn't want to feel guilty every time they are around their friend. That's why they lose interest. So anyone looking to escape of the friend zone, take a long look in the mirror, and ask yourself if you truly care about the platonic nature of the friendship. Make 100% sure that you will be okay with the other person not feeling the way you do before you go do it. If you've been in the friendship for the sole reason of hoping and waiting for the day you could be with that person romantically, then you are in for trouble if you get rejected. Honestly, I think there's also issues even if you don't get rejected, because I don't think relationships last without a solid background of friendship, but that's just my opinion. People who fake their friendships, trying to bide time for a romantic relationship aren't thinking about things the right way if you ask me. Anyway, if the friendship is deep-rooted, both parties have mutual respect for each other as legitimate platonic friends, and both individuals are self aware and mature enough to let bygones be bygones if something like that falls through, there shouldn't be an issue. The problem is, most friendships between 20-something people don't have all of those things in place. That's why coming out of the friend zone is usually synonymous with betting the farm on one nervous hand of Blackjack. All or nothing, no in-between. But each situation is different, not everyone who gets rejected is doomed. Just make sure you are ready to deal with the repercussions before you test those waters. It's never going to be easy.
  3. Male issues in long distance?

    I can definitely echo Zeke. That is always a big worry with both parties I'm sure, but I can certainly vouch for guys. You may know your partner well, but it's impossible to read minds, and everyone dreads hearing that the other party is getting bored of them. The odds of that increase with distance, since you can't be with each other nearly as much. I also think that just like men may be more prone to cheat, women may be more prone to growing bored in a relationship, for whatever reason. That's been my experience at least. I swore off long distance some time ago, and that was one of my reasons. But as fate would have it, my girlfriend of about a month right now is long distance. The reasons I decided to enter a long distance relationship with her after the fact were plentiful, but the big one that made me look past the fear that was brought up here was the bond, and deep, deep communication foundation I have built with her, and also my firm belief in how committed she is to the relationship, despite the distance, just like me. We lean on each other for strength, and that's of paramount importance, because you can't ever think you are alone in any relationship, but especially in a long distance one. The second you let that thought cross you mind is the second you begin to lose sight of each other, and by extension, the relationship as a whole. My advice is to never stop leaning on your partner when it comes to the distance, because if they are as committed as you are, they will always happily be there for you when you need them most. Showing weakness shouldn't be a sign of weakness in the relationship. Communication becomes considerably tougher with that much distance, so if you don't put extra effort into it (especially early on when it should be a little easier), you might as well kiss the relationship goodbye. You HAVE to trust each other unconditionally, otherwise doubt will play too large a role to continue things. There is a reason that long distance relationships have a stigma to them, so the keys to success are understanding why that is the case, and always being as proactive as possible to try to avoid the pitfalls you know are going to present themselves before they happen, because it's going to be that much harder digging yourselves out of them when you don't have the make up cuddles/kisses/etc. to grease those gears. It takes two very strong willed people to make things work with long distance involved. But while knowing/expecting that from your partner, still don't ever underestimate the humanity within the relationship, and that bouts of weakness and uncertainty are bound to happen from both ends at any given time. Humans aren't designed for long distance, so it's still going to be an uphill battle, no matter how you spin it. You just have to plan on working your tail off that much harder for the sake of your partner who is doing the same for you. Mutual respect should develop from witnessing each other going through the trouble they have to, to keep the relationship alive.
  4. Girl talking first or making the first move.

    Communication is one of the most important components of a successful relationship. I believe in simple being best, meaning whatever can get two people that should be together, together, then I am in favor of it. If a girl likes a guy so much that she wants to try to make a play for him and let him know what she's thinking, then I support that girl and her ambition and bravery to go out and get something she wants, and her openness and honesty towards herself as well as the guy. I agree that the girl should definitely be very careful out there when possible, because like Bluey mentioned, due to the judgmental eyes of society, many of those guys may end up inferring negative things from the girl by her choice to make the bold decision either way. All that should matter in the end though, is that the girl is happy she got her guy, if it indeed works out. And if that guy is aware of the events that took place in order for them getting together, then he should be looking to reward that girl for her ability to be a free thinker and not be burdened by societal stereotypes, enough to make a contrarian decision to start something she and he both wanted and are getting happiness from. I don't claim to be one of the "best guys" out there by any stretch of the imagination, but some of the "best guys" might be the ones who are so clueless that they have no idea that a girl even wants him, without being slapped in the face with it. I have always absolutely been that type, so I've always hoped there were more girls out there looking to take a chance than not. It all depends on what the girl is looking for. True love can be born from anything, so it's one thing that you should never let yourself be afraid of going after if you REALLY want it, male or female. The right people will reward you in spades for your efforts. So I think that as a girl, it shouldn't hurt you to give a guy a tactful little poke in the ribs to get his attention, and let him know if you are truly interested. Once that guy gets the green light on something good, his male instincts should kick in, and he will very likely take it from there, so you can go back to feeling all ladylike again with him making more of the bold decisions from that point forward. But in terms of getting things started with some guys, as the saying goes, "knowing is half the battle."

    Just like women, men come in all shapes and sizes, both physically, and emotionally/mentally. That's the first thing you have to remember, is to never assume something by what you might see at very first sight, there's usually going to be a huge world underneath the surface that will need to be explored to get the whole story, and sometimes THAT'S the difference in whether or not a guy you like doesn't come over to greet you and start the courting process. Sometimes it's not you, it's him. As for me, I went all through high school, then several years into my late teens and 20s without really ever physically approaching a woman. So the answer to that part of things is sometimes "the guy just won't do it unless he knows for a fact you are interested." For instance, I only went on a date with one girl in high school. The only reason it even happened was because I heard from one of her friends that she might like me. That was what I needed to hear to "approach" her, and even then, I'd hardly consider it an approach, more so just casually hanging around more in her vicinity and talking to her when I had opportunities, and inching my way closer like a snail. I have never to this day cold-approached a woman I didn't know for the sake of asking her out, simply because that's not how I work. I found an outlet for meeting women in the form of online dating, so that's where I started actually talking to lots of women actively and getting dates and experience, and it's also where I met my girlfriend. In terms of getting noticed, the guys who have responded have been pretty accurate. You are always being scoped out by men wherever you go, but it's what you do after he initially notices you that will get him to come over (and as I prefaced, only if he's even that type to begin with). Men are simple, so all you have to do is act as you normally would if you did want him to come over. Use your womanly instincts, and don't think too much into it past that. Catching eyes from across the room is something we like. A smile goes a long way. Any positive body language in your repertoire you want to throw out there, guys will be looking for it before he makes his way over if he is the approaching type. I've never been that type, so even if it was the woman of my dreams across the room, I'd likely be standing my ground for anything short of a literal "come over here" finger motion to get things started, if we are talking about "strictly in person." I think with the advent of online dating and social media, men are even less likely to do the heavy lifting in person now more than ever, so definitely don't get too discouraged with typical methods of meeting us not being as successful, because society is trending in a way that it may soon no longer be the most common way to meet someone now. Men love to take shortcuts that allow us to keep our dignity. Avoiding rejection in person by finding women via other means is very easy nowadays, so the herd will flock to where the easier to find food is. But to maximize your chances, just be happy. Men like to be around happy, gregarious women. Smiles and laughs are infectious, especially when they are coming from a pretty face, so most men aren't too hard to please. We just like girls that want to be around us. The "playing hard to get" stuff isn't always the most alluring thing in the world. Being a man myself, when anyone ever asks me to give advice, I always start by telling them to apply the KISS rule. Don't take the words too seriously, it's just part of the acronym, but it stands for "Keep It Simple, Stupid." Simplicity is king with men. If you think we will like something, most likely we will, try not to add too much thought to anything. We like things we understand. Continued luck!
  6. Which Type of Guy Are You?

    Absolutely. I think a common stereotype is that guys love giant breasts and a bubble butt. I am absolutely a "breast guy," and my preference has always been "enough to fit perfectly into my hands," and that equates to about a B cup for me. I like a nice butt too, but it's not as big a priority for me as breasts. Saying all of that though, breasts are not even close to the be all, end all though. As for physical for me, the top 3 would have to be: 1. Face 2. Figure 3. Breasts But yeah, ladies with smaller features, don't read too much into stereotypes, not all guys want DDs in their face and a butt that requires two airline tickets. Just be the best person you can be and there will always be a guy to appreciate your physical features. Women are beautiful, so you'll always have a suitor somewhere.
  7. Hello WTM Forums.

    Hi there. My name is Ryan. I live in Ohio, and I've joined the fray here by way of my girlfriend. I'm very excited to be a part of a forum where people can be honest an open about everything that enters their minds during the journey taken together with their significant other to wait until marriage. One of the things my girlfriend and I have taken as priority in our relationship has been open and honest communication, and I'm glad that this forum has the same attitude through its regulations and guidelines for membership. It looks to me to be a pretty tight knit community, and I am now happy to be a part of it! I have always been of the mindset that waiting for sex was the best option, but it wasn't until I met my girlfriend that I figured out the importance of waiting until after exchanging your wedding vows, and drawing that line in the sand. I have some experience with other women, but am very happy to have held back on sex at those times when I've had the opportunities, especially considering the wonderful person I now have in my life that sees how important all of that is. Saying that the choices I made to abstain back then were "worth it" is very much an understatement. So to any of those who are struggling, perhaps in your relationship, or even while still looking, just continue to have faith that you will find someone who understands your stance, because they do exist, and they will make you grateful for having the willpower and self-boundaries you did, and do, and that you will bring into your relationship with them to cherish as well. Respect is a very underestimated part (and attraction factor) of a successful relationship, and I for one can say with complete confidence that I have the utmost respect for my significant other based on her decisions she has made in the past to abstain, and also how forward and confident she was when she told me about that when we first met, and I am very thankful for my own decisions in the past now coming into the relationship I have now with her for those same reasons. This decision is one that we are all in full control of in our lives, and despite what society may imply, there will always be supporters for this stance. It's worth embracing, so I'm happy to be doing just that! Thanks for having me!