Buster Cannon

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Posts posted by Buster Cannon


  1. HOWEVER, we need to consider that the external pressure religious people have might weaken the genuine conviction of waiting, and once that is gone - once their no longer motivated out of fear for disappointing (parents or God) - they will LIKELY have no motivation to wait.

    When an atheist waits, they do not rely on their religious fear or fear of disappointing their family, and so, if they already strongly believe that waiting is the right thing to do, they will be less likely to be influenced by external pressure or lack thereof.

     

    Pretty much this.  Unfortunately, most 'purity talks' given to most church-going teens involves some variation of, "don't do it because God said so", with a reference to pregnancy or STDs thrown in there.  First off, a typical teenager doesn't really find their own personal relationship with God until they leave the house, usually around college or so, when they aren't under the watchful eye of their parents.  Even for those raised in a Christian home, it's easy to look like they have a fear of God, then go buck wild once they graduate HS.  At that point, if you aren't truly committed, any motivation to wait often goes out of the window.  Shoot, I went to a Christian HS, and most people I knew kept it in their pants until they went away to school.

     

    Secondly, I don't think the consequences of pre-marital sex are brought up often enough in churches, so the "because God said so" approach doesn't work. Even the potential risk of STDs/pregnancies can be brought down by the use of condoms/birth-control/etc. A non-religious waiter probably has more practical reasons for waiting because they actually spent time thinking about it.

    1 person likes this

  2. *Wasn't sure whether to put this here or Religious Discussion*  :superwaiter:

     

    Just a thought that crossed my mind.  As a Christian, I don't really feel like I've ever had any serious opposition to my stance on WTM.  Growing up in church surrounded me with people who generally had similar viewpoints. At the very least, people who disagreed weren't very vocal about it. For someone that isn't religious (or is an a religion that may not be WTM-friendly), I can't help but wonder how their experience differs.

     

    IMO, religious waiters have an easier time for a couple of reasons:

    • Religious waiters have a much better chance of finding a like-minded person that's also waiting (i.e. church)
    • You have more people standing behind your decision; for example, I can't think of many other places besides church where an adult male can announce that he's a virgin and actually get commended for it.

    For the religious waiters: do you think that your faith (and the resources that come with it) makes it easier in terms of WTM? Why or why not?

     

    For the non-religious waiters: do you feel that not having the resources that religious waiters do makes it feel like you're "playing WTM on hard mode?" Why or why not?

     

    2 people like this

  3. For those of you that are Christians. Do you attend church on a regular basis? Just a few times a year? Not at all? Does it vary?
     
    I'm pretty regular when it comes to church.  Service is attended every Sunday, in addition to other things like serving ministries, bible study, Sunday School, and the like.

     

    Men, if you meet a woman who claims to be Christian, but doesn't attend regularly (for whatever reason), do you reject her based on that? Or do you see how she acts, talks, etc, before deciding?
     
    Honestly, it's a combination of both.  I do think being faithful to the church that you belong to is very important, and at the very LEAST you should be attending regularly on a Sunday.  I also think it's important to contribute in a ministry and do a little more than just Sunday morning.  That said, I don't believe that you have to be in church every time the doors fly open lol, just find a ministry you thrive in and stick with it.
     
    Observing someone's lifestyle outside of church is also a big deal, because it's very easy to say all the right words and cliches at church, but their character is what you have to really watch for. 
     

    What is your outlook on attending church, in general?

     
    "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. However, that's where a lot of the work on the car is done to restore it, if you allow it to happen.  All the stuff outside the garage breaks it down."
     
     
    If you practice a specific faith, what is it? Do you feel it necessary to practice the same faith as a potential mate? Or is it just important that she be Christian? Or, do you not care at all?
     
    For me, the other person would have to be a Christian, no questions asked.  If God is the most important thing in my life and we don't have that in common, how can I even consider that in a potential mate?

     

    12 people like this

  4.      The question I would ask is to the guys on this forum (or to any guy who SHOULD be here). How do YOU feel about this? How would your view of a women change if she told you that you should go against a personal conviction, or she would leave you? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I don't believe that's love. I’d do what he said, and move on. What about you?

     

    Here's the thing, there are plenty of women who will respect a guy who's willing to WTM.  Heck, ideally both of you should be on the same page when it comes to that conviction.  If a woman told me that she'd be unwilling to move forward with me because I refuse to have sex, then I'm out.  Honestly, I'd be less attracted to her at that point because we don't see eye-to-eye on something that I have an unmovable stance on.

     

     

    Edit: I might add.. I'm 34... and a virgin, waiting until marriage. I, apparently, don't exist.

     

    :lol:

     

     

    I wish that a woman could be attracted to a "beta" male who chose to wait. But if he is to be believed, no woman would ever be sexually interested in a guy who wasn't having sex outside of marriage.

     

    Dude, look around you.  This site is full of women who believe in WTM, and I'm sure there are plenty others out there with a similar mindset.  Don't look at yourself as a beta because you choose to wait, you have to own it with pride.

    6 people like this

  5. I can't help but laugh at this article.  The author makes himself out to be some kind of relationship expert, but all of his arguments are based on generalizations including but not limited to:

    • There are no virgins at the age of 26 or older in the West
    • All women will find you unattractive if you don't sleep with them
    • Romance is purposeless without sex
    • Men and women can't be "just friends"

    There's a little truth sprinkled here and there, but for the most part the article is bunk.  Besides, it's hard to take "relationship" advice from a guy that runs a site on bedding as many women as possible.  <_<

    5 people like this

  6. I don't drink, never have, and don't plan to.  For me it's less of a moral thing and more of a personal thing.  I don't believe that drinking wine in itself is sinful or anything, I just straight up have no interest.  I'm more of a sparkling juice, water and herbal tea kind of guy.

    7 people like this

  7. Actually, although my tastes may have broadened over the years, the main physical type I have been attracted to has been tall and skinny. Which, when you think about it means that they are either not physically very strong, or deceptively strong.

     

    I was gonna bring this point up: a lot of people who are physically strong don't look how you would expect them to.  People that focus on strength training (compound exercises like squats, benches, and deadlifts) tend to have a leaner build.  The bodybuilding type (more focused on isolation exercises like curls and tricep pulls) might have larger muscles, but in a lot of cases those muscles are just for show.

    2 people like this

  8. Also, I think the message to teens needs to change, for the record. All the talk about how you deserve a virgin and it's basically your reward for being a virgin, especially coupled with the gross metaphors of a chewed piece of gum or used toothbrush, need to GO. The message in that blog post that's given to older singles is a more inclusive, grace-focused, forgiving one. The obsession with sexual purity practically undermines the amazing glory of God and the power of Her forgiveness. It's like, Jesus can wash away all your sins unless you have premarital sex, then you're still a bit stained, sorry.

     

    In the case of teens, I think they'd be better off leaving the metaphors out, but at the same time it should be stressed that premarital sex does carry some serious, potentially long-range consequences.  Not just in the realm of STDs and pregnancies, but stuff like soul ties to past partners and potentially comparing your spouse to someone else are pretty important, and they aren't often talked about.  I agree that God can forgive all sins, and that you can be restored and move forward. However, at a young age, stressing the sacredness of sexuality isn't a bad idea at all.

     

    5 people like this

  9. If an otherwise physically attractive woman has a terrible personality, she becomes unattractive to me. I can think of more than a few occasions where I see someone and think, "oh, she's pretty"...and then she starts talking and I'm like NOPE.

    That said, physical attraction IS important. There are some people that I just don't find attractive at all - even if they had a great personality and everything else that I'm looking for in a spouse, I just couldn't date someone that I didn't find physically attractive.

    The way I see it, physical attractiveness works as a baseline, but personality/character can easily add or subtract several points from that.

    I hope that made sense lol

    22 people like this

  10. I don't always agree with Matt Walsh, but he's spot-on here.  Society really pushes more of a self-centered ideal for people in their 20's, talking about how many things you need to be doing and accomplishing on your own to "find yourself". There comes a point where you should have a certain level of emotional maturity -- where you know who you are and what you want in a spouse. It certainly doesn't (or at least it shouldn't) take that long to figure it out.

     

    Also, imma just drop this here:

     

    http://haleyshalo.wordpress.com/2013/06/29/christians-who-dont-promote-young-marriage-dont-actually-care-about-chastity/

    2 people like this

  11. Showed my dad (a successful waiter) the article, and he agreed with every point. A few of my scattered thoughts:

    • Is the bar really set so low for Christian young adults that premarital sex is a given? My dad was talking to an older gentleman at another ministry he attends. Not sure what they were originally talking about, but at some point I was brought up, and it was mentioned that I was "pure" so to speak. The gentlemen responds, "so how do you know that he wasn't lying about what he did in college?" Gee, thanks, apparently if a guy says he's a virgin after a certain age he's considered to be lying?! <_<
    • I think I understand the whole "virgin wanting to marry another virgin" concept completely now. Looking back on it, you're all but promised that scenario during those purity talks. They get you all hyped up about waiting, and how awesome it will be that you waited for one another. Fast forward 10 years later, and now that scenario that was mentioned is completely unrealistic, and if you want it you're being harsh and unforgiving. In a way it feels like false advertising. Yes, the main motivation for you staying pure should be your relationship with God as well as it being a gift for your future spouse. At the same time, the "shut up and settle" part is very real, and it does sting a bit when it flies in the face of everything Christian culture taught you as a teenager.
    • Where is the line drawn when it comes to pride? Sure, you shouldn't feel down about being a virgin WTM, but it seems like if you're too happy about it you get shot down. Yeah, don't be a jerk and rub it in people's faces, but at the same time articles like this just seem to send mixed messages, almost going to the extreme of making you feel bad for waiting.
    • How do you even start to address this issue, if at all? Thing is, adult virgin waiters are an underground minority in churches, and it's very easy to feel ignored when the subject is never brought up again after grade school. You'd think that church would be the most supportive place, but too often you get a whole lot of nothing in that area.
    8 people like this

  12. Huh, this actually happened to my dad. He was a virgin when he married his first wife, became a widower a few years later, and WTM with his current wife (my mother). In a situation like that, there's nothing at all to be guilty about. You stuck to your convictions and unfortunately life happened. If you remarry there's nothing at all wrong with that.

    I think with divorce it's a bit trickier because the separation was a choice, as opposed to them passing.

    4 people like this