Buster Cannon

Active Members
  • Content count

    389
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by Buster Cannon


  1. So I've been studying the fruits of the spirit, and looked at the Greek bible's word for self-control:

    á¼Î³ÎºÏάτεια,n \{eng-krat'-i-ah}

    1) self-control (the virtue of one who masters his desires and passions, esp. his sensual appetites)

    Initially, I viewed the issue of masturbation as more of a 'gray area', since I do believe that it's possible to participate in it without lustful thoughts, but always felt that it was better to err on the side of 'don't do it'.

    Looking at this definition, I realize that there's an intrinsic value to 'mastering' your desires, and that it lines up with the fruit of the spirit. Even if the actual act isn't classified specifically in the bible as a sin, it does show a lack of self control, which we're commanded to develop as believers.

    1 person likes this

  2. Came across this article, has a lot of good advice IMO.

     

    I initially wrote this a while ago and posted it on Boundless, and it was summarily deleted. It was commented on in these two places but it is worthy of its own post here:
     
     
     
    —————–
     
    To the women.
     
    What men are attracted to: physical beauty. All things being equal (spiritual characteristics, femininity, etc.) a man will pick the most attractive female.
     
    The good thing, however, is that all men have different tastes for what they find attractive. Some like black hair, some like brown, some like blonds, some like redheads. Some like different color eyes, some like different types of body shapes.
     
    However, one of the things that turns most men off (note: most not all) is being overweight or obese. If you are overweight or obese and you want to have men ask you out I would suggest losing weight through good nutrition and exercise. The same would be true for men. Women don’t want a man who is overweight or obese.
     
    Again, all things being equal all men and all women would prefer to have their spouse be physically active and healthy.
     
    This is not to say personality does not matter. It does. If there is a attractive woman that nags, is entitled, and otherwise makes a man’s life a pain in the butt then these are qualities in her personality that will make him drop her as a potential mate.
     
    Being spiritual is not an excuse to ignore the physical, and neither is being physical fit an excuse to ignore the spiritual. You want both. Be as physically attractive as you can, and seek after God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
     
    Note: All of the tenets that feminism pushes onto women such as confidence, independence, strong attitude, etc in women is a turnoff for most men. We are looking for a spouse, not a business partner.
     
    Conclusion: Women your physical beauty will get you in the door, and your personality and spirituality will make him want to keep you. While the latter is the most important, you cannot neglect the former if you want to get married.
     
    —————–
     
    To the men.
     
    What women are attracted to: lots of different things including looks, athleticism, talent (musical and otherwise), high status, masculine personality, money, etc.
     
    Proportions of these depend on the woman and you have no way to telling. However, the most important one to develop is a confident masculine personality, although the others are nice to have and can/should be worked on. The easiest way to improve your confidence is your posture, working out, etc.
     
    Remember this men: your confidence is displayed in your posture, your walk, and your tone of voice. Studies show that non-verbals are 50-90% of the conversation. You can have all of the confidence in the world, but if it is not reflected in your body language you will fail.
     
    If a Christian man goes up to a Christian woman with slumped shoulders, a downcast look in his eyes, is fidgting, and speaks quickly with a high tone of voice “let’s go out on a date†is he going to be successful? Absolutely not.
     
    On the other hand, if a Christian man goes up to a Christian woman with his shoulders back, a smile on his face, makes direct eye contact with her, and says in a low tone masculine voice†“let’s go out on a date†is he going to be successful? A much higher percentage that the woman will say yes.
     
    Easy ways you can work on your non-verbals and confidence from another commenter:
     
    1. Start working out. Heavy weights to build muscle
     
    2. Fix your nutrition if you’re overweight/obese. Add in more protein to help gain muscle
     
    3. Work on your posture. Don’t slouch. Ever.
     
    4. Work on your walking. Long strides, confidently. When you’re making any actions, slow and deliberate. If you have any nervous movement such as scratching, wiggling, RLS, etc eliminate it completely.
     
    5. Become comfortable with space. When you’re sitting down instead of crossing legs or arms over yourself spread legs out and put your arm up on the chair. Get comfortable and relaxed in these power poses.
     
    6. Make eye contact with everyone. Hold it and don’t look away first. Smile if you lock on for a few seconds and it continues. Never look down when talking to a woman as this indicates to her that [you are submissive to her].
     
    7. Speak more slowly and deliberately so that your voice is lower in tone.
     
    Obviously, these things are important, but more important is your spiritual walk. As is stated in Scripture about Jesus: “They were amazed at his teaching, because his words had authority.â€
     
    As a masculine, CHRISTIAN man you should be studying the Word, praying, meditating, fasting, etc so as to become more like Jesus. You should know the Scriptures well enough to speak with authority on your faith. If you don’t know the Scriptures or the power of God then how are you to be a responsible leader in your marriage?
     
    Conclusion: Men your masculine personality and confidence will get you in the door, and your ability to lead her spiritually will make her want to keep you. While the latter is the most important, you cannot neglect the former if you want to get married.
     
    —————–
     
    Final conclusion: Both sexes should work on being more physically attractive and spiritually attractive.
     
    However, men and women are different in what they look for in attractiveness. You need to know the population you are trying to sell yourself to if you wanted to get married.
     
    Thoughts?

  3. Even though we all come from different backgrounds and walks of life with different perspectives, I like the fact that we all share the common belief in waiting, and can hold each other up through the struggles that come with it. Lawd knows that being a waiter in this day and age is a challenge lol.

    5 people like this

  4. @Buster Cannon, Lexia, Welcome, Jasmine...

    Do you guys not see the problem with using the literal definition of slut to justify calling someone (including someone you don't know anything else about) a slut? Unlike other literal descriptive words that wouldn't be offensive,"smoker" for instance, slut carries a whole lot of negative baggage, such as, oh Idk, years and years of being used to smear and denigrate women's character. It's silly to lump that negative baggage in with the "consequences" she needs to "own" for choosing to have sex as she likes.

    Like I said earlier, I don't use the word 'slut' to describe people, and it's not something that I encourage folks to do. My disagreement doesn't stem from that. What I'm saying is that my belief about sexual promiscuity being stigmatized is different than yours. I think that someone's willingness to sleep around can and often does speak of one's character and self-valuation. I don't believe in condemning folks, but I think it's fine for certain actions to have a bit of a stigma towards them, especially if it'd benefit society as a whole.

    Personally, I think our culture views sex as something cheap as opposed to something sacred. I think we'd be a little better off if casual sex was discouraged instead of encouraged.

    *drops two pennies on the table*

    3 people like this

  5. I'd rather live in a world where we shed unnecessary negative stigmas and stereotypes and let people freely live their lives how they desire (so long as they don't harm others), rather than perpetuate them and tell people they brought them on themselves by choosing to live as they do and that they should just take the judgement and deal with it.

     

    When you (in this case Buster Cannon) say she's choosing the lifestyle of sleeping around and by association choosing the negative stigma that goes with it, you're perpetuating what is IMO a harmful and unnecessary way of thinking.

    Until she gets to college and starts sleeping around she is neither and even if she does sleep around, why does it matter? She's not a slut for following an alternate lifestyle. No more than a waiter is a prude for following their own alternate lifestyle.

     

    Well, it looks like we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. Even though we're all waiters here, I get that we come from different backgrounds and hold different core beliefs. As someone that views premarital/casual sex as morally wrong, I have no problem with there being a negative stigma behind it. Like I said before, I don't make it a practice to call folks "sluts/whores", but I do feel that you have to own the consequences of your actions. If someone calls me a prude for refusing to  partake in sexual activities before marriage, I'm cool with it. If a girl who sleeps around is called a 'slut' (which is the literal definition of the word), she has to either own that or make some changes to how she lives her life.

    5 people like this

  6. I'm with Sobriquet on this one. In not so many words, his friend said that she wants to sleep around when she gets to college. While I personally don't make it a habit of using terms like 'slut', if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, quacks like a duck...well you get the idea. By sleeping around she's choosing to take part in that lifestyle, and by association whatever negative stigmas are associated with it.

    Racial slurs aren't nearly the same thing. Someone calling me the N-word would be considered offensive because it's a prejudice based on something that is beyond my control and has nothing to do with my worth as a person. Choosing to sleep around is something that you DO have control over, and is generally looked at as a negative trait. 'Slut' isn't a politically correct term, but then again the truth often isn't.

    8 people like this

  7. Unfortunately, this is a mindset that a lot of folks have (both men and women). Party it up in their college years/early twenties, and then settle down once they've "gotten it out of their system". What's sad is that she doesn't realize how much that could come back to bite her when she gets older.

     

    Anywho, it's good that you were able to find this out and break it off with her. Hopefully you'll be able to find someone that thinks more long-term.

    8 people like this

  8. I think the concept is ridiculous IMO. Here's the thing; men and women's bodies aren't the same. Yes, there's some extra sexualisation done by the media, but in general breasts are something that men are sexually attracted to on women. This isn't fundamentally a bad thing, and neither is the concept of modesty. Running around NYC topless just to make a point comes off as narcissistic if anything else. "We're tired of our breasts being sexualised, so we're going to display them to everyone!" C'mon, man...

     

    I do think an exception should be made for nursing mothers, who are actually trying to feed a baby as opposed to parading around topless.

    4 people like this

  9. It's a bit of a read, but here's my 'list':

     

    (Notes below)

     

    1. Devotion
      • Holds the Bible as the ultimate authority in her life
      • Has an active relationship with God
      • Believes in the biblical standard of wifely submission/being a helpmeet
    2. Chastity
      • Virgin - believes that sex is only for marriage
      • Carries herself modestly
    3. Family-minded
      • Wants to have children
      • Has an interest in building a home that is a Christ-centered environment
      • Willing to put her family over her career if necessary
    4. Femininity
      • Carries herself with a gentle, quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4)
      • Pleasant to be around
      • Respect - uses words to build up rather than tear down
      • Willing to allow me to lead
    5. Attractiveness
      • Someone that I'm physically attracted to
      • Cares about her health/appearance and is willing to maintain that (won't "let themselves go")
    6. Stewardship
      • Responsible with her finances
      • Willing to help take care of a home
      • Has a desire to serve/give

    NOTES:

    • I don't hold my prospective spouse to any standard that I wouldn't maintain myself
    • Specifics for each number:
      1. As a practicing disciple of Christ, my relationship with God comes first, and she would have to be on the same page regarding this. As a husband, I will be submitted to God and will be responsible for leading my family, so she will have to have a biblical view when it comes to the family unit.
      2. As a virgin myself, I'd prefer to marry someone with the same level of experience (or lack of lol). I'm fully aware that past partners can bring certain complications to a marriage (comparisons, expectations, trust issues, potential STDs, baby daddy drama, divorce rate, etc.), and I'd rather avoid that and start on a clean slate for both of us regarding sex.
      3. I would like to be a father down the line, and a potential wife would have to be on board with this.
      4. There are certain attitudes that are very unattractive on women. I would like someone who is generally pleasant to be around, and isn't constantly tearing others down and/or complaining.
      5. Physical attraction isn't everything, but it is important. Obviously she doesn't have to be a supermodel, but she should at least care about her health and be willing to exercise. Health/nutrition is important to me so I'd like to be on the same page in this area.
      6. Responsibility, especially in the area of finances, is a big deal. Taking care of the money she has and not squandering it (and racking up unnecessary debt in the process) shows character. Likewise, it's also important have a giving heart with the resources that God has blessed us with.

     

    13 people like this

  10. I've heard this analogy pretty often. Surprisingly, I do think it holds some truth to it even though I disagree with it. Typically, men are the ones that have to 'pursue' women in order to obtain sex - he holds the key. The woman has the option to accept his offer or refuse it. A woman that says yes to every dude that approaches her may as well not even be a 'lock' since plenty of 'keys' have access to her. Likewise, a (non-waiter) guy is seen as more valuable since he's put in the effort to get more 'locks' to open for him.

     

    The problem that I have with the analogy is that it overlooks the value of a man saving himself. From a waiter's perspective, the ideal is an exclusive relationship between one key and one lock. Your car key is responsible for opening your car door, not your house's front door, briefcase, office door, etc.

    3 people like this

  11. I was never allowed to celebrate Haloween as a kid. We'd go to church where they'd have games and candy for the kids, so I always had fun with it. As an adult, I'm pretty indifferent to the holiday, aside from taking advantage of the day after to get cheap candy.  ^_^

    1 person likes this

  12. Anyway, Christian manosphere bloggers tend to see sex before marriage as immoral. However, it seems pretty well understood among those bloggers and the commenters there that morality, religious convictions, and positive personality traits (like kindness and a strong sense of humor) that women say they find attractive in men are actually desirable traits, which are different than attractive traits. Attractive traits are actually those that in and of themselves trigger a woman’s attraction to a man. Desirable traits are those that women want in the men they are attracted to. I believe understanding this difference is part of what’s referred to as “red pill†knowledge.

     

    After learning the difference between desirable and attractive, I’d say that virginity is not an “attractive†trait. It’s a desirable trait that a woman wants in a man she finds attractive (maybe). Of course, I probably already had an inkling of this when I wrote the original post, and even then, I actually wondered if virginity might go against a man’s desirability, even to women who are waiting themselves.

     

    Yeah, after doing some digging myself, I've come to learn that it's not virginity that's "attractive" so much as the attitude behind it. A guy who's a virgin because he's never had the opportunity is far different than a guy deliberately saving himself and making constant sacrifices in the process. The latter is far more attractive because he has the confidence and willpower to go against the grain, whereas the former is just some dude waiting for his chance to "get laid".

     

    As for your second point, believe it or not there are Christian/waiter women that find virginity in men unattractive. Some women want a guy that knows what he's doing on the wedding night because they don't like the idea of awkwardly fumbling around trying to figure stuff out. In other cases, a woman may find a man more desirable if he's had previous partners; if other women were willing to sleep with him he must be a man of good value.  I don't mean to paint all women with a broad brush, as there are plenty (just look at this site) that can appreciate a man saving himself.  That said, virginity tends to work in a woman's favor far more often than it does a man.

    5 people like this