Buster Cannon

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Posts posted by Buster Cannon


  1. On 2/18/2017 at 2:28 PM, Syzygy said:

    "I even heard God give me a word about him."  "I was hoping to find a virgin but I know this is the man that God has for me."

    I know I sound pessimistic, but I am always cynical towards statements like these. I had a friend who said that God told him something similar. My friend said that God told him that the girlfriend he had at the time was going to be his wife. They ended up breaking up and she is now married to someone else.

    I wish you well, but I think one needs to be careful that they don't confuse emotional thinking for religious revelation.

     

    Same, I tend to give a side-eye (at least in my head lol) when I hear something like "God told me..." proceeded by how they feel about something. If it's not scripture, it's usually someone using God as a proxy for their emotions. I see this a lot in terms of how Christian culture approaches relationships; "the one God has for you" isn't a biblical idea, and has more roots in the pagan concept of soul mates. The person that you marry is the one that God has for you, as you've formed a covenant relationship. But I digress... 

    @OneLovelyBabe I would do some prayer and consult with spiritually mature people in your life if you're having second thoughts. It sounds like he's a pretty good guy, and even though your concerns are definitely legitimate, it may be something that you can personally overlook and go on to have a great marriage. There's no real right or wrong answer here, it honestly depends on how much of a dealbreaker the virginity issue is for you.

    6 people like this

  2. On 12/7/2016 at 11:00 AM, HeWhoWaits said:

    The God angle. I don't really know if God is that rigid on who you marry. From my experience God does little for those who don't act but rather sit and "wait" for God to bring something or someone into their life but rather once a person steps out in faith and takes action and starts meeting people, asking people out, if you pray about it he can and will guide your actions but I really don't think in most cases God will be like THIS IS THE ONE AND ONLY PERSON, YOU MUST MARRY THIS ONE. The main guide per scripture is to not marry an unbeliever. I don't think it is selfish to have biblical standards for your marriage.

     

    I really wish more people in churches believed this. There's this [unbiblical] notion that there's "The One" that's out there that God has specifically picked out just for you, and you just have to listen to God's voice so that He can direct you to them. Nothing could be further than the truth. There's no such thing as a soul mate, but once you marry, it's for life, and the two of you really have to work at staying together. This is why it's really important to have standards in the person that you choose.

    The Bible has roles for husbands and wives written clearly, and it also specifies that you are not to join up with unbelievers. Along with certain scriptures on divorce and re-marriage, you have all of the information you need in terms of criteria for a spouse. Pray about it, seek godly counsel, take your own preferences into account, and get to know the people that you're interested in as potential spouses. @OneLovelyBabe There's nothing wrong with wanting someone that's also waited, and don't let people shame you out of what you have as a dealbreaker. Knowing what you can and can't handle in a marriage ahead of time is wise.

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  3. 9 minutes ago, LadyKaede said:

    I'd just also like to add that I don't mean to say men shouldn't WTM out of devotion to their wife or that I don't value that (that's the main reason I value it), just that it should be done with a bold, assertive mentality like "I don't need to lower myself by f*cking other women because I have better things to do and I want to respect my wife by allowing her to know she's the only one, and I'll make up for lost time with her."

    Not something like "I'm just so so SO devoted to you honey-buns and sweet angel of the world, and I'm such a noble gentleman that I kept myself pure for you so that now you can be the only girl to ever have the pleasure of touching my wee-wee" -- that's just ewww. Yet I suppose that's a little how I think of my own virginity in reverse, so it's kind of a double standard.

    1

    Oh yeah, I agree on this completely. The second paragraph made me laugh out loud; sadly I've seen some guys do this, and it's horrifyingly cringeworthy. This is actually a great example of how WTM can look different from masculine and feminine perspectives.

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  4. 2 hours ago, LadyKaede said:

    1) I'm not really part of the "WTM conversation" except on this site since it's mostly religious people who think WTM is a universally good choice for everyone, while I don't. But from the little I've seen of Christian purity culture it definitely seems like it's primarily focused on women. The fact that they have "purity balls" specifically for prepubescent girls and not boys is an extreme example but a lot of the random videos and talks I've seen promoting it on YouTube seem to be at least implicitly directed toward women as well. 

    1

    Men in churches are given purity talks, but that's about it. Women get the elaborate groups, conferences, tea outings, balls, etc.

    2 hours ago, LadyKaede said:

    I will say though that I've read a lot of personal anecdotes about WTM and abstinence on Reddit and other places online, and one common story I've read several times from women is that they were raised religious or whatever and originally wanted to wait, but once they came of age and saw all the boys around them with no compunctions whatsoever about having sex, they didn't see why they should either. If you want to promote WTM as a man, the best thing you can do is to lead by example. It could also influence other men if you break the undesirable male virgin stereotypes (nerdy, weak, effeminate, hyper-religious) and they see you as someone they want to emulate instead of being pathetic.

     

    Yeah, this is where a lot of my thinking has been focused. Leading by example is the most powerful tool for sure. Just based off of the reactions I've gotten from people that I've talked to in the past, I don't give off the typical 'virgin vibe', and it's often a shock to people (to the point that I've been accused of lying lol). I think it's important to shatter the mold of virgins lacking confidence or being otherwise un-masculine. Waiting isn't about weakness, it's about having the strength to stick to your principles even when it's hard, and most others around you are taking a different path. That's one of the things that I've really come to understand about WTM in the past few years, and it's helped to reinforce my resolve quite a bit.

    2 hours ago, LadyKaede said:

    3) I've actually been thinking about asking a similar question to the guys on here about how they think about their own virginity and what they value about it and hope a woman will value, and how that compares to what they value in female virginity. 

    ...

    I'd love to hear guys' opinions on this.

     

    This is a really, really good question. That said, I think it'd do a bit better if you made a separate thread for it, mainly because it's deep enough that I'd easily run off-topic with it lol. If you do that, I'll respond to it. ^_^

    3 hours ago, Selina said:

    Also, coming closer to your question, the concept of purity has traditionally been seen as a feminine attribute, similar to the characteristics of fragility and innocence. 

    If we attribute the experience of first sex after marriage to a 'sacred' kind of experience to motivate one's own self to WTM, instead of concentrating on keeping pureness of one's own self, then it solves a lot of problems.

     

    That really hits the nail on the head. When you view WTM as a 'purity' only thing, it doesn't hold the same weight for a male audience. On the other hand, viewing sex as sacred gives influences your motives a bit. It's something that you're willing to fight for. Maybe our marketing should look more like:

    Ut1Lwk1.gif

    :lol:

    5 people like this

  5. I've been doing some thinking lately. As a general observation, I've noticed that most WTM/abstinence movements tend to be more geared towards women than men. By this I mean it's often accompanied by imagery like flowers, purity rings, white dresses etc. This is in addition to the fact that, in general, men simply don't talk about it that often, whereas you see it come up far more often in women's circles.

    I've also wondered if this has a correlation with virginity stereotypically being associated with weakness as opposed to strength. It's one thing if you're a non-waiter virgin in that condition because of a lack of attractiveness, but it's another beast entirely when you're exercising restraint by saying 'no' to sex even though you could. This masculine virtue of it isn't showcased often, as the stereotype of a male virgin is often negative, even in more conservative circles.

    With that being said, I do have a few questions for the thread:

    1) Do you feel as if the WTM conversation tends to be skewed towards one gender? If so, how would you change it?

    2) Should men who are WTM be more vocal about it? If so, how?

    3) What virtues of WTM (i.e. strength) could be highlighted to make it more palatable to a male audience?

    5 people like this

  6. I'm not a girl either, but I have a few thoughts on this one:

     

    About the friend zone

     

    The "friend zone" is something people to use to describe a situation where there isn't mutual attraction. A guy may be attracted to a woman, but she may not feel the same way. He has nice qualities but she doesn't necessarily feel attraction for him, so he continues to be her friend, maybe even hoping someday that she'll see what a great guy he is. If you're familiar at all with Steve Urkel from the sitcom Family Matters and his relationship with Laura Winslow...yeah, same thing.

     

    This also happens with the genders flipped, a woman may be interested in a guy and will hang around him while dropping hints that can range from obvious to extremely vague.

     

    Escaping the friend zone

     

    Generally, there are only a few ways for a guy leave the friend zone:

     

    1) She was attracted to you all along and was just waiting for you to make a move.

     

    2) You don't see her for a moderately long amount of time, and during this interval, you significantly boost your own attractiveness. For example an overweight, socially awkward guy starts eating right, hitting the gym, finds a steady job, and takes some public speaking classes. When he comes back he's a lot more attractive in her eyes and she sees him differently.

     

    There's also the scenario where the guy gradually becomes more attractive, and one day the girl takes note and sees him in a new light.

     

    3) You do something that instantly changes her perception of you. Some sudden act of leadership/masculinity (say you end up leading a Bible study, you save someone's life, etc.) and she realizes that there's a side of you that she's never seen before.

     

    --

     

    That said, if you find yourself in the friend zone, the best thing to do is move on and look for someone that's actually interested in you. Continue to work on improving yourself in the meantime. People put themselves in the friend zone, in most cases it's not worth it to continue hovering around someone in hopes that they'll change their mind some day.

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  7. I started out not using my actual pic, but then I figured that it couldn't hurt to add one. Once I got to a point that I felt relatively comfortable with this community, I decided to show myself.

    I'm pretty indifferent about what people post as their profile pic (if it's not you then I'm just going to picture you as your avatar), but I do think it's nice to put a name to a face. I'm sure that everyone on this site is a human being, but seeing a face adds an extra level to "humanizing" people.

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