Geraldine

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  1. Hey lovely Hirax, I really feel you...and I understand how you might feel....because as women, we really were meant to feel cherished, desired and seen as beautiful. That' s how God has designed us. And the husband God wants to give us will do all those things to us: he will cherish us, desire us and find us beautiful... I don't know if you're a believer but...I am... and will answer from this perspective Biblically speaking, Jesus is our fiancé and spiritually He is the One who cherishes us, desires us and sees us as beautiful (we are the bride of Christ) I understand you might feel confused about this, but remember that God wants to protect you from the wrong kind of attention...so sometimes, if you feel ignored by guy, see this as a protection from God who will draw to you the right guy at the right moment... there's nothing wrong with you I'm not sure that I have helped, but I've tried In the videos below they explain best my point of view
  2. Original article : http://menalive.com/stages-of-love/ The 5 Stages of Love: Why Too Many Stop at Stage 3 August 6, 2015 By JedDiamond We all want real, lasting love, whether we are in our 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond. Yet too many marriages fall apart and most people don’t know why. They mistakenly believe that they have chosen the wrong partner. After going through the grieving process, they start looking again. But after more than forty years as a marriage and family counselor I have found that most people are looking for love in all the wrong places. They don’t understand that Stage 3 is not the end, but the real beginning for achieving real, lasting love: Stage 1: Falling In Love Stage 2: Becoming a Couple Stage 3: Disillusionment Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World Stage 1: Falling in Love Falling in love is nature’s trick to get humans to pick a mate so that our species carries on. It feels so wonderful because we are awash in hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen. Falling in love also feels great because we project all our hopes and dreams on our lover. We imagine that they will fulfill our desires, give us all the things we didn’t get as children, deliver on all the promises our earlier relationships failed to fulfill. We are sure we will remain in love forever. And because we are besotted with “love hormones,” we’re not aware of any of this. When we’re in love, we dismiss naysayers like curmudgeon George Bernard Shaw who cautioned: “When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.” Stage 2: Becoming a Couple At this stage our love deepens and we join together as a couple. This is a time when we have children and raise them. If we’re past the child-rearing stage, it’s the time when our couple bond deepens and develops. It’s a time of togetherness and joy. We learn what the other person likes and we expand our individual lives to begin developing a life of “the two of us.” During this phase we experience less of the falling head-over heals “in love” feelings. We feel more bonded with our partner. We feel warm and cuddly. The sex may not be as wild, but it’s deeply satisfying. We feel safe, cared for, cherished, and appreciated. We feel close and protected. We often think this is the ultimate level of love and we expect it to go on forever. We are often blind-sided by the turn-around of stage 3. Stage 3: Disillusionment No one told us about Stage 3 in understanding love and marriage. Stage 3 is where my first two marriages collapsed and for too many relationships this is the beginning of the end. This is a period where things begin to feel bad. It can occur slowly or can feel like a switch is flipped and everything goes wrong. Little things begin to bother us. We feel less loved and cared for. We feel trapped and want to escape. We become more irritable and angry or hurt and withdrawn. We may stay busy at work or with the family, but the dissatisfactions mount. We wonder where the person we once loved has gone. We long for the love we once had, but we don’t know where it went or how to get it back. One or the other partner wants out or sometimes people go on “existing together,” but without really feeling intimate. This is a time we often get sick in body, mind, and soul. In our marriage, Carlin and I both began having problems with our hearts (heartache?) and were diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. I began having serious problems with erections. To be truthful, there were times when it was miserable, and we both thought about leaving the relationship. But we didn’t give up, we kept going. There’s an old adage, “When you’re going through hell, don’t stop.” This seems to be true of this stage of life. The positive side of Stage 3 is that the heat burns away a lot of our illusions about ourselves and our partner. We have an opportunity to become more loving and appreciate the person we are with, not the projections we had placed on them as our “ideal mate.” Carlin and I have now been together over thirty-five years. We’ve moved into the next stages of love and feel blessed to have learned the skills for negotiating the stage of disillusionment and can truly enjoy the later stages of love. Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love One of the gifts of confronting the unhappiness in Stage 3 is we can get to the core of what causes the pain and conflict. Like most people, Carlin and I grew up in families that were dysfunctional. Both my father and mother suffered from depression and my Dad tried to take his own life when I was five years old. Carlin’s father was an angry, violent man. Her mother left him in order to protect herself and her daughter. We all have wounds and the wounds need healing if we’re to have a relationship that is real and loving. Ongoing research from The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study demonstrates conclusively that childhood trauma can impact our physical, emotional, and relational health. For the first time I made the connection between my father’s attempted suicide when I was five and my adult depression and erectile dysfunction. Carlin and I learned to be allies in helping each other understand and heal our wounds. As we began to heal, the love and laughter we thought we had lost began to flow again. We began to see each other as wonderful beings who had suffered greatly in the past and had come together to love each other and help heal our old wounds from childhood. There’s nothing more satisfying than being with a partner who sees you and loves you for who you are. They understand that your hurtful behavior is not because you are mean and unloving, but because you have been wounded in the past and the past still lives with you. As we better understand and accept our partner, we can learn to love ourselves ever more deeply. Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World No one has to remind us that the world is not doing too well. There are continuous wars and conflicts. Racial violence seems to be everywhere. We wonder whether humans can survive. I wondered, “If we can’t even find peace between two people who love each other, what chance do we have to create a world that can work for all its peoples?” But now I look at the flip side of that question. If we can learn to overcome our differences and find real, lasting love in our relationships, perhaps we can work together to find real, lasting love in the world. I believe that every couple has an opportunity to use the “power of two” to address some aspect of the world’s problems that touch their lives. Carlin and I are particularly tuned to issues that face men and women at midlife. We are writing a book, You Two: Renewing Your Mid-Life Marriage for Real Lasting Love. If you’d like more information about our work, drop us a note through our website, www.MenAlive.com. We’re also interested in your own journey. Please share your own experiences on the path of real, lasting love. Together we can make a difference in the world.
  3. Original article By: Bethany Baird : https://www.girldefined.com/single-girls-guy-vision-passion-purpose I was 19 years old when love and romance came knocking on my door. He was funny, I laughed. He was cute, I was smitten. He liked me, I liked him. He pursued me, I fell in love. And then…it ended. As quickly as it started. My tears covered my pillow for weeks on end. It took me a good six months to get to the point of feeling recovered. Even though I was totally heartbroken, God gave me the grace to come to grips with the situation. Looking back I still can’t believe I was only 19 years old when I started my first serious relationship. I knew nothing about marriage, men, or what to look for in a spouse. I just figured if a nice Christian guy was interested, I should be interested back. I didn’t understand that a guy needed to have more depth other than simply being gentlemanly, nice, and church going. What I know now that I didn’t know then… The years that followed my first relationship were major eye openers in my life. I learned several incredible truths that transformed my thinking in what I should be looking for in a future husband. I finally realized that I’m not looking to marry just a nice guy. I’m looking to marry a guy who has 3 specific qualities. They are: Vision Passion Purpose When I was younger I felt confused about guys. I felt unsure of what specifically to look for in a future husband and I wondered how to separate a “nice” guy from a “potential husband” guy. If you’ve ever felt confused or unsure about what to look for in a future husband, this blog post is for you. I’m going to take you through each of the qualities and explain why I personally believe they should be foundational qualities in any guy you would consider as a potential. 3 Must Have Qualities in a Future Husband: 1. Vision The Bible says that we as women are called to be a helper to our husband. The Bible also says that the head of every man is Christ and the head of every married woman is her husband. The man is the spiritual leader for his family. Think with me for a minute. How in the world is a man going to lead you *and do it well* if he doesn’t have a spiritual vision for his family. A guy considering marriage doesn’t need to have all of his ducks in a row, but he does need to have a spiritual vision of where he is going and where he wants to lead his wife. If his vision simply contains bringing home the bacon and then chillin’ out to Netflix, that’s not going to cut it. That’s a bad vision. If you are considering a guy as a potential spouse, you need to have a clear understanding of his spiritual vision. You need to know the answers to questions like, “How does he plan to lead his wife spiritually?” “How does he plan to lead his children spiritually?” “How does being a Christian impact his everyday decisions?” “How does he want to live out the gospel in his life?” “What kind of legacy does he want to leave behind?” 2. Passion I personally believe that a guy who truly understands the gospel, and truly understands what Christ did for him, will be passionate about His relationship with Christ. If a guy isn’t passionate about the gospel, I would want to know why not. Why isn’t he passionate about the very thing that saved him from hell and set him on a path to spending eternity in heaven with his Savior Jesus Christ? In my opinion that is a huge indicator of what will set a potential husband apart from just a nice guy. A potential husband should be passionate about his relationship with Christ and he should be passionate about making Christ known each and every day. 3. Purpose Where is he is going? What is he doing? What’s his plan? Those are extremely important things to know before committing your life to a guy. I’m not talking about him having his 50 year life plan in order with his burial site already purchased and ready to go…I’m talking about direction. Does he know where he is going? Does he have some sort of plan in place? Does he take legitimate action towards his goals? I personally wouldn’t even consider a guy as a potential husband if he didn’t have some sort of purpose guiding him in his life. For me, this is key, and I think it should be for you as well. That’s a Wrap I hope that those three points have inspired you and challenged you as you pray about a future husband. Look for a guy with vision, passion, and purpose. Don’t settle for a guy that’s just nice. Dig deeper and figure out where the guy is going and where he, as your head and leader, will be taking you. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Which of those three points is most important to you? Leave your comments below.
  4. What is your favorite Bible Scripture?

    A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression Proverb19v11
  5. Original article : http://waitingforyourboaz.com/before-you-choose-a-life-partner-read-this/ Do you ever just have a dream that you know is from God? The other night I had a spiritual dream that has lingered with me these last few days and I feel like it was for you, the person reading this. In my dream, (I was observing from afar) I was watching individuals choose their partner, but it wasn’t just for their wedding day, they were choosing a partner to go to battle with. In my dream these couples trained together, took advice from their elders, were attending counseling together, and preparing for not only marriage but for war. When I awoke, God started speaking to me about this dream. What He told me was that when you choose the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, you are not only choosing a husband/wife, you are choosing an accomplice, a partner in crime, a HELPER. (Where else have you heard the term helper? Genesis 2:18) Life has a way of bringing you to your knees, and when that time comes, you are going to need someone fighting by your side rather than against you. A wise woman in my life once told me, not too long after my husband and I got married, to remember that when the hard times came to remember he was my husband and not my enemy and to not allow the enemy to come between us. Choosing a life partner is not something to take lightly. Choose someone who is going to fight this battle with you, serve God with you, and love you just as Christ loves the church, because you are going to need it. Choose someone who displays Godly characteristics not just in the good times, but in the bad times as well. Marry the person that is willing to get down on their hands and knees and intercede on your behalf when you are down in the pit. Marry the person who is going to go to war with you. Marriage isn’t about the wedding day, there is much, much more to it. Does your relationship have the substance to make it through the long haul? Are you willing to stick around and not be ruled by your emotions but rather by the love of God and the covenant you have both made together? This isn’t a light subject, so I hope you will not take it as so. God wants to bless you with the kind of love story that only He can give, but you are going to need someone who will stick by your side when the world around you comes crashing in, and you will need to be that kind of person. So again I say, choose wisely. Practice discernment when choosing a partner and most of all pray for them. Every time you get on your knees and pray for the person you are going to marry, before and after the wedding, you are going to war on their behalf. It is worth it to ask yourself the hard questions now rather than later, and it is beyond important to pray for your future husband/wife and to seek God’s approval first and foremost on choosing a life partner/battle partner.
  6. Original article : http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/matt-walsh-i-didnt-fall-in-love-with-my-wife/ It’s no surprise that we are so bad at marriage in this culture. We’re bad at it because we don’t understand it, and we don’t understand it because we don’t understand love. You can’t forge a lasting marriage if all you know about love is what you learned from an Ed Sheeran song. It’s like trying to build a car when you think engines run on fairy dust. And that’s essentially how many of us approach marriage. We believe it’s fueled by some intense and mystical emotional force — a force we inaccurately call “love” — and as soon as we run out of this mysterious cosmic gasoline all we can do is send it to the scrap yard and find a new model. This view is popular in our society because it removes all responsibility and blame from the individual. Marriage is presented as a passive endeavor, established and destroyed by forces outside of our control. Love is something you “fall into,” like a puddle, and then “out of,” like an unsafe carnival ride, and there’s not much you can really do to cause the one or prevent the other. “These things happen,” we say. Oops, I’m married. Oops, I’m having an affair. Oops, I’m divorced. Oops, I’m married again. Oops, I’m divorced again. Oops, I’m lonely and isolated and everyone I’ve ever known resents me. Oops! But here’s the reality: these were our choices, every step of the way, and that state which we’ve found ourselves falling in and out of is not real love. Real love is an act of will. A decision. A conscious activity. It is something you do and live. Love is chosen, and if it is protected and nurtured, it grows. Love is sacrifice. Love is effort. Love is everything St. Paul describes in First Corinthians, and especially in Ephesians 5: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.” Love is dying to the self. Love is many things, and none of them happen by accident. Even people who understand this will still sometimes talk about love in a way that contributes to the confusion. A married couple may describe the moment they “fell in love,” very early on in their relationship, well before they walked down the aisle. They may even claim to have experienced “love at first sight.” This is all fine fodder for Hallmark cards and Nicholas Sparks novels — which, as we know, are based on Hallmark cards — but it doesn’t actually make sense. Far be it for me to make this determination, but, no, you didn’t love your wife the moment you laid eyes on her. You thought she was hot, sure, but that’s not the same thing. I can say with certainty that I love my wife now. I can also say that I did not love her a week after I’d met her. I surely didn’t love her the first time I saw her. I thought she was beautiful. I liked a lot of things about her. But love her? No. How could I? I didn’t know her. I’d made no commitment to her. I wasn’t sharing my life with her. I wasn’t really sharing anything with her except for an appetizer at Chili’s. Yes, I loved her as a child of God, in the same sense that I’m obligated to love all humanity, but I didn’t love her in the way that I love her now. I couldn’t have. This love, the love we have now, is defined by commitment, sacrifice, and devotion, and none of those dimensions are present when you’re just dating someone. It’s more accurate to say, when we first met, I was infatuated with her. There was an intense, mostly selfish, attachment. I wasn’t being intentionally selfish, it just made me feel good to be around her so I tried to be around her as much as possible. That’s what I liked most about her at this stage: how she made me feel. I didn’t “love” her for her own sake, but for my sake. I think every relationship must start this way, but it can’t survive if it stays this way. Absurdly, people often refer to this period of infatuation as the “in love phase,” but there couldn’t be a worse way to describe it. This phase, this extraordinary emotional pull that you feel early in a relationship, is supposed to be the fuel that drives you to the altar. It isn’t love itself, but it gives you the incentive and energy to get there. It’s like the thrust that jettisons a rocket into outer space. If I knew anything about astrophysics I could extend the analogy, but hopefully you get my point. The infatuation you feel for your girlfriend has no real meaning or value on its own; it is, rather, a propulsion towards something. The trouble is, in our culture, couples experience that propulsion but they don’t go anywhere with it. They have all of this emotional energy, all of this fuel, but they’re afraid to make the journey into the great beyond. Or they wait until it’s worn off and then, by default, after years of living together, finally tie the knot. There’s a reason why those relationships are much more likely to end in divorce. The so-called “in love phase” — which really has nothing to do with love — died away long ago, but it didn’t develop into true love because true love requires commitment, and they waited far too long to make the commitment. So they’ve lived with each other without the emotional attachment, and without love, for years before finally wandering lazily down the aisle. Not a good way to start things. More commonly, of course, people will stay together only so long as the infatuation lasts. That’s how you end up with a generation of 20 and 30-somethings who’ve never been married but think they’ve had deep, rich “love” for, like, 19 different people. In truth, they never loved anyone. They simply experienced a fleeting enthusiasm over and over again. They’ve fallen into infatuation many times. They never once chosen love. That’s the thing about marital love: it’s willful and decisive, but it also requires boldness and courage, because you won’t have it in its realest sense until after you’ve already gotten married. You say at the altar not that you have loved or did love your betrothed, but that you will. You’re choosing love, right then and there, despite not knowing them very well. After all, even if you date for a couple of years before marriage, which I don’t necessarily recommend, you still won’t know your future spouse with even a fraction of the depth and intimacy that you’ll know them after 5 or 10 or 15 or 20 years of marriage. You know them only as a separate person, not as a person united with yourself until death. Yet you choose love anyway, and you are bound by that choice forever. This is the great power and mystery of the sacrament. This is why I wouldn’t say that I ever “fell in love” with my wife. What makes our love real and fruitful is precisely that we didn’t fall into it. We promised it, made it, built it, established it, fought for it — there are many verbs you could use, but not “fall.” A man falls because he’s clumsy and gravity sneaks up on him. That’s not at all how marital love is formed or sustained, thank God. Our love is not an careless coincidence or a product of circumstance. It is so much greater than that. It’s especially crucial for married couples to keep this in mind because, although my wife and I have not experienced this, many couples who’ve been together far longer than us will tell of emotional dry seasons that lasted for long stretches. During this period, they felt little attraction or affection, yet they still loved. They gained no emotional benefit from being around each other, but they still had their love. They loved because they understood that love is an act of devotion, and they were not relieved from the duty of that devotion just because they no longer felt all warm and fuzzy inside. To a lot of people nowadays it seems almost scandalous to imagine that a couple would stay together even when their feelings turn cold for a time. We can’t understand that level of fidelity and sacrifice because, to us, the whole point of any romantic relationship is to find personal satisfaction. We “love” each other only as long as we get something immediate and pleasurable out of it. Once that goes, we go. Our love is no deeper and no more real after marriage than it was 5 seconds after we met. We “love” our spouses the same way we “loved” the person we took to our 9th grade homecoming dance. Inevitably, if we approach marriage like hormonal teenagers, we will see the emotional dry season as an indication that we’ve “fallen out of love.” We won’t fight for our marriage or remain committed to our spouses because we think the whole point of our union was the emotional high it gave us. Now it’s gone, we don’t know why, and we can’t do anything about it. We’re utterly helpless. Love was like a magical elf that stayed with us for a while then scurried suddenly away, and all we can do is say farewell as it disappears into the woods. “Wave goodbye to our love, honey, it’s leaving now. Welp, time to get divorced.”‘ Naturally, this mentality also leads quickly to affairs. If love just “happens,” then who is to say it won’t “happen” with your coworker or someone you met at the gym? And if this thing that happens is actually love, and not, as I say, mere infatuation, then shouldn’t you go and be with that person? You love them! It was was meant to be! The fact that it came to be after you’d already married someone else is an unfortunate detail that can be dealt with later. If pursuing this “love” means dissolving your current family, well, then it’s the right thing to do — the “loving” thing, even. The kids will understand! Speaking of kids, here’s a question for anyone who thinks they have fallen, or might fall, “out of love” with their spouse: what about your children? Can you fall out of love with them? And what if you do? Would you ever say to your daughter, “Sorry, I’m not feeling it anymore. The love is gone. I’m calling the adoption agency”? No, most of us would agree that such a thing would be horrific. Even if you don’t feel particularly affectionate towards your kids in any particular moment — every parent has been there — you still love them, and you recognize that you have a duty to them. All decent human beings understand that you can’t abandon your children just because you have some unpleasant feelings about parenting. So, why don’t we understand this about marriage? Why do we love our kids no matter what, while attaching a series of conditions to the love we have for the very person we publicly pledged to love unconditionally? For my part, I know that I owe my love to my kids and my wife, but nobody is more entitled to it — to me, all of me — than my wife. I am in debt to her. I promised her my love and I am called to fulfill that promise. True, it’s easy now. She’s a beautiful person, through and through, so holding up my end of the bargain is not a chore. But if those were conditions for my love — if I only intended to love her as long as she can stun me with her grace and beauty — then I would not love her at all. I would be a mercenary, in it just to get mine for as long as it remains profitable. That’s a fine approach to business, but it’s just not how marriage is supposed to work. Buy my new book here.
  7. Thank you so very much for your comment @Photogirl I totally agree with everything she said in the vid...And I was thinking that the same applies to men as well towards their wives. I couldn't agree more
  8. Very inspiring movies

    Oh my gosh !!! I've finally watched the movie Hackshaw Ridge !! I highly recommend it... I simply hid my eyes behind my hands for some hard scenes during the war... But the movie is really worth it !