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Posts posted by ChristianMan72

  1. Thank you for your thoughtful answer.


    I agree with finding the balance. That is sometimes difficult for me to do. I do have one question, though. The 'medical stuff' that you used as an example. Are you talking like female medical stuff? Or in general medical stuff? I tend not to share too personal of things, but there is one thing that I share with people because it could become obvious and, if they aren't warned ahead of time, can be kind of unnerving... I have seizures. The seriousness of them fluctuates, but I never know when I'm going to have one. So, I share that right away. Do you think that's ok? I do, but I'm curios about what others might think.


    I also agree with the personal experiences. I tend to not share that stuff unless someone asks, or we get to talking and the subject sort of presents itself.


    Emergency medical stuff, sure, especially if you present it as something you are trusting but not burdening them with.  Many men like to be caring and protective and sometimes even the hero.  It would be far better to tell them about it beforehand than try to explain after!  A proper, caring-type guy would not mind you telling him that.


    I was thinking more of female medical stuff or idle discussions about past operations or procedures that are not highly relevant, but maybe that's just me.

  2. The only instance where I might consider it would be if either of us were disproportionately wealthy or a public figure, or had some sort of complicated inheritance/trust fund and/or children from a previous marriage.  Then it might help make it clear to everyone else that your love was for each other, not for money or assets that could become part of a marriage.  But that's all unlikely, and I don't see a need for it otherwise.

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  3. Honesty is absolutely essential, in my opinion.  Finding out that someone misled you can undo trust very quickly.  It is far harder to earn trust than to lose it.


    However, there is such a thing as mystery.  Tell the important stuff, incl. WTM, and lead into with some other topics, but don't give it all away at once.  Leave some stuff for the guy to ask about.  Obviously, you need to find a balance, but I tend to not to tell all my experiences and stuff until people actually want to know.


    And there are some topics that women don't realize are TMI for men until they are specifically interested in you, e.g. like some medical stuff.


    I joined (and later left) a couple dating sites out of curiosity and tried to learn a bit about what women say they like and want in a guy/relationship, but I am too private to put my photo up... and that reduces response exponentially, at least for guys.

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  4. Home-school would be my preference.  From what I've seen it has the potential to turn out self-motivated, intelligent, hard-working types.


    I think the so-called social drawbacks are exaggerated.  Many of the early home school types were out of necessity and were often either remotely located or moved around so much that they would have had social challenges anyway.  And a certain percentage of people just are socially challenged, public/state school is probably not going to change that, but only make it worse anyway.


    It isn't that hard to home school children once they get used to figuring more things out for themselves, and with the reference material available on the Internet now and the range of home school support groups around, I don't really see the down side.

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  5. I wouldn't mind such a forum, provided one of the rules was that it isn't just another opinion thread.  Participants should have to substantiate their claims with reference material or links to references (or really well-explained reasoning).  Sometimes members make wild claims and insist in post after post that they are right but refuse to back it up at all.


    And while I don't mind who names it, maybe it should include the word 'debate' in its description or title... e.g. Controversy and Debates forum because we would still want everyone to behave respectfully.  Personal attacks, insults and snide remarks really should have no place here.

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  6. I appreciate and understand the replies from CF, BW and SM.  


    I agree that anything posted in the main forums is open game to anyone, that's the nature of a forum.  And the admins do a pretty good job of keeping random stuff out, I don't know if I've ever seen spam or an advert on this site, which is pretty admirable!


    There are insulting posts to be found, including ones that call people out by name or quote them and insinuate that the author is stupid. Few of our members are professional writers and many are young and passionate about what they believe, but that doesn't make them stupid.  What happened to chivalry and respect?  State your disagreement, sure.  Ask someone to clarify what they said, sure.  But don't belittle those you don't agree with. 


    Some of the atheists/agnostics take offence at Christian posts and assume we're trying to convert them.  My posts are not placed there to try to proselytize those who don't believe, but to explain to and encourage those who do believe. There may be more conservative Christians here by membership, but they are, in my experience, not the loudest or most abundant voices.


    But as I said before, I'm thinking out loud, neither making a formal request nor a complaint.  Maybe we can all just try a little harder to treat the other members with respect, even when we don't agree.

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  7. It was probably a couple months on the site before I ventured into the VD forum, and I still avoid it for the most part.  There is enough detail to the discussions outside of the VD forums, and some of the topics there are just... idle talk in my opinion, probably the result of a generation inured to such detail by instant access to hard, hard, strange porn unlike any known generation before. As a still single guy, I don't need to think about and ponder some of those things just yet, and they could be troubling to some gentler souls as well.  Were I engaged or married, of course, my view towards the forum would probably be a bit different.


    It probably falls more to parents to protect their children than the forum/site admins.  However, I tend to try to be responsible to everyone, and if it was my responsibility to manage, I would probably try to restrict the sections with graphic descriptions to those who requested access, like the guy-only/girl-only forums.  Then at least we don't end up stumbling on vivid physical descriptions of things that some of us would rather find out for ourselves one day.  And if you wanted to limit the age of entry to say 16 or 18, it wouldn't stop people from lying about their age and getting in, but it would be doing a kind of due diligence.


    On a similar topic, sometimes I wonder if a Christian-access forum might be of value.  Not for the majority of posts and topics, but as a safe place for Christian waiters to ask Christian questions without having their beliefs attacked or derided in the process.  The tone of the forums have in my opinion swayed enough this last while that many Christian waiters have stopped posting and some have simply left the site. That said, I appreciate the site's existence and am not demanding anything, just thinking out loud.

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  8. The Bible was written two thousand years ago where it was a very different world and women's rights were virtually non-existent.  Therefore, it is important to read this text within it's appropriate context: a place distant in time and location where the construct of society was totally different from the modern day.  The Bible contains texts that condone genocide, infanticide and slavery and, thankfully, these topics have been reviewed in the context that whilst such things may have been acceptable two millennia ago, they are clearly not appropriate in the modern day.  


    It's high time that the misogyny apparent in such passages as â€œA woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner.†(1 Timothy 2:11-14), was addressed and evaluated in a modern context.  After decades of female emancipation the world is a very different place and women have the right to have their voices heard.  Frankly, it is offensive to suggest that the thoughts and opinions of women are not as valid or valuable as those from someone who happens to have inherited a Y-chromosome.


    Hey 29K,


    There is a context to that verse in 1 Timothy.  This is in the context of a spiritual meeting, like in a church.  In a church, men are supposed to be subject to the authority of whoever is preaching.  In line with my post above, if a married woman is subject to her husband as the spiritual head of the home, it is out of the order of things for her to jump up and start communicating for the two of them in a spiritual matter, thus assuming his role.  She is part of her husband, and so it is disrespectful to him.  What she has to say is not blocked, but in this specific place and role, she should show her husband the respect by asking him first, and then letting him ask on their behalf as a couple.  The Bible is full of order and respect, very different from the world today.


    So, it would be incorrect to assume that this scripture is saying women cannot speak in public, or teach in schools or cannot have opinions.


    I won't get into detail, but the Bible doesn't generally 'condone' any of the things you listed.  You can't just write off the Bible because of some of the details in the stories presented.  And there are some actions or near-actions that occurred because they were symbolic, and need to be understood in context.  Some of the things may be difficult to understand, and some of them may not be what people want to hear.  But that doesn't make them wrong.

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  9. I'll try to answer these as one.  


    If you believe that your scriptures are inerrant: why is that?

    If you believe in scriptures over secular science and history: why?

    If you believe that your scriptures are fallible: how do you decide what is absolute truth, and what is just a story?

    If you seek to reconcile scriptures and science/history: how do you?


    A Christian chooses to accept that the Bible is the Word of God.  Who actually wrote down all of the words is beside the point; either way we believe the Bible is the spiritually inspired Word of God.  Without that faith, there is no way to discuss spiritual things on an equal footing, because that is the foundation.  So, if for a moment, you can assume that frame of mind, a 'willing suspension of disbelief', read on.


    True science and the Bible do not disagree, because God created everything, He would not put something contrary to the truth in His Word.  A lot of major scientific understandings originated in inspirations from the Bible.  So where scientists claim that the Bible is wrong, we have to look closely and perhaps be patient.  Man's knowledge of science grows every day, and man's understanding of things in science that seemed in contradiction often changes later.


    And of course there is just a fair bit of pseudo-science out there.  True science is based on being able to reproduce the environment and experiment in any laboratory before believing something as true.  But things like evolution and some of the dating techniques (err, not whether to go to dinner or a movie, but deciding how old a bone or fossil is) are wild guesses.  Evolution has never had any 'proof' that stood up to the test of time and further analysis.  None of the many missing links have ever been found. Not even a single cell has ever been observed to evolve, and believe me, they have tried.  And the age of rocks and fossils cannot be truly scientific because no scientist can actually go back in time to prove that the environment and the experiment are correct. That is especially true of the environment, which has to be exactly the same for most of the aging algorithms to work.


    Evolution is actually a religion itself, because it takes a faith in something that can never be proven physically.  Except that many times through history, the followers of evolution have falsified their findings in an attempt to help prove it.  Many of these have been later proven to be hoaxes, but apparently some of them are still left in textbooks as 'proof'.  I think some of this stems from the fact that many of the atheists who once had some belief in Christianity have an anger or hatred against God, or at least a strong dislike for all things religion and go out of their way to try to disprove it.  Of course, not all atheists are the same, no offence intended.


    As for history, again, the Bible is generally not in contradiction to what was recorded elsewhere, or has been discovered.  In fact, tons of historical finds corroborate the Bible account.  But sometimes patience is needed.  For instance, French historian Voltaire ridiculed the Bible because it spoke of the Hittites but no evidence of them had ever been found.  Apparently at the time, the Encyclopedia Britannica referred to the Hittites as "a mythological civilization mentioned only in the Bible."  But in 1876, they were discovered by archaeologists with a tremendous amount of writings and other items that proved their existence.  And sadly today, there are people who rewrite and reinterpret much more recent history to suit their own agenda, e.g. Howard Zinn.


    As far as understanding the Bible and what is symbolic vs what is literal, that takes most of all a spiritual approach.  Most of the passages that are symbolic are pretty clearly stated as such.  And specifically, Adam and Eve, and Noah are literal history, not parables.  And like anything in life, you cannot lift a few words or a phrase out of context to prove the Bible wrong.  Nor can you use a few words to create a Bible doctrine, as many do today, e.g. 'judge not that ye be not judged' is widely misquoted.  You have to study out all of the scriptures on a topic and see how they work together, because they all do.  When you love God and love His Word, you really want to understand what He means, not just try to make the Bible say what you want it to say.


    There are things that we don't know the exact meaning or shape of in the Bible history, but they are not the kinds of details that are essential to our everyday lives, they don't change the principle teachings of the Bible.  For example, we don't have to know exactly why or how people in early Genesis used to live hundreds of years in order to believe the rest of the Bible.  It is a point of interest, but doesn't change what we believe and obey.


    I am not trying to start any arguments, just to answer SM's questions.  If someone else wants to argue something I've said, please start a separate thread out of respect for the SM's original question here.

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  10. I understand what Jasmine is saying, though some people today are so far removed from true Christianity, or believe such a watered down version that it sounds foreign.  


    I don't want to get into an argument, but I will briefly try to explain this from my own understanding of it.


    When God created Eve, it was to fulfill a need because Adam was alone, and no animal was capable of filling that need.  She was created to be a part of Adam's life.  Nevertheless, while a woman remains single, she is free to make her own decisions.  And women are considered spiritually equal before God, married or not.  But men and women are not physically equal, not in design (thank God) nor in physical strength.


    When a woman enters a Christian marriage, her role changes.  She doesn't become a lesser person, or have less value nor should she in any way be oppressed (unlike the teachings of some religions, e.g. the LDS or Islam).  But she does become subject to her husband as God has given him the role of spiritual leader and the one responsible for final decision making in the marriage.  She is not less spiritual, nor should she be.  She is not excluded from decisions either, her input is vitally important because the two of them become one flesh in God's eyes.  But the husband has the responsibility before God for what they do and how they live as a couple.  It is pretty much common sense, e.g. there is only one president, because if there were two equal presidents, who would cast the tie-breaking vote?  There are never an equal number of judges on a panel or in a court, because then some things could never be decided.


    There is more to it.  A wife's role is not to chase whatever she wants in the world for herself 'so long as she is back in time for dinner'.  By marrying, her role has changed and she is now responsible to seek the best for her marriage and family above everything else (except serving God, which always comes first).  And the husband now has additional responsibility, to care for and love and protect his wife as if she was his own body.  It is a most wonderful thing, a Christian marriage.


    To further understand all of this, consider that all three participants in 'the fall' received a 'curse' or 'judgment' from God. The serpent tempted Eve and she ate of the forbidden fruit, and then gave it to Adam too.  You can look up and read the serpents curse if you like.  Eve's curse from Genesis 3:


    16 To the woman he said,
    “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
    with painful labor you will give birth to children.
    Your desire will be for your husband,
    and he will rule over you.â€
    Adam was also cursed, because he chose to eat the fruit with Eve:
    17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’
    “Cursed is the ground because of you;
    through painful toil you will eat food from it
    all the days of your life.
    18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
    and you will eat the plants of the field.
    19 By the sweat of your brow
    you will eat your food
    until you return to the ground,
    since from it you were taken;
    for dust you are
    and to dust you will return.â€


    The curse on the ground was mitigated after the Flood, but that's another topic.  And while I already know that some of you disagree, these events are not myths or parables, they did happen.  Not because I say so, but because that is how the Bible is written, including listing Adam as the first man in the genealogies.  If someone wants to respectfully discuss this further from a Christian standpoint, feel free to start a thread in the religion forum, or PM me (please be patient with me for a response).

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  11. If  a guy asks this question in hopes of persuading a woman to be his next score... he's the wrong guy.  However, if he asks it because he too is WTM, then it wouldn't really be awkward or a problem.


    This video is full of half truths.  "A woman's v/virginity is not her greatest gift to the world" - which is true and that is why she shouldn't plan to give it to the world.  But contrary to what this video guy says, it is a great gift to her husband (and her children by way of example).  It is a gift to herself too, because she won't have regrets and distracting memories and STDs and the awkwardness of discussing past bedfellows with her husband.


    OK, I quit before I got to the end of the video, this pretty boy is trying to speak out of both sides of his mouth.  Something like, sex is not special enough to be saved, but it is so special that we're all missing out, we really 'need' to learn to enjoy a moment of passion in a strange hookup.  I'll venture a guess that he is lonely and unhappy in his quiet hours.


    The whole point of WTM isn't just that one first physical union, and some people do get hung up on that.  The real point (in my opinion) is where your heart is, in wanting to be true and loyal to and pure for that one person that you will truly love and want to spend the rest of your life with.  Sex is small in a way, yes, it doesn't compare to the bigger picture of love and loyalty.  But that doesn't make sex outside of marriage into a toy.


    I think that WTM is less sincere if it is just avoiding one specific physical action, but allows all else.  I believe it is more sincere to make a practice of avoiding the casual mental and visual and interpersonal stuff that presents itself along the way too.


    I'm not WTM because I think sex is bad or dirty or strange or that the first time is that big of a deal.  I'm WTM because I want that unencumbered spiritual union with another soul, that relationship of love, trust and loyalty until death do us part.


    I'm not WTM for a 'great' first time.  I'm WTM for the great times we will have together for the rest of our lives.

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  12. You can keep denying it but thats not going to make it suddenly untrue.

    ... You're one of those people who believes every story in the Bible, aren't you? You believe Noah's ark and Adam and Eve actually happened, don't you?


    You can keep proclaiming it, but that will never make it true.  And I absolutely do believe in Noah's ark and Adam and Eve.


    You believe fornication is a sin? That sucks. And OF COURSE we have an instinct to have sex. If we didn't, we wouldn't reproduce and the human race would have died out a long time ago!


    Adam and Eve didn't really exist.... it's just a story... like Noah's Ark or Jonah and the whale...


    Of course fornication is a sin.


    Marriage has not always existed, 150 thousand years ago people weren't getting married. What you're calling fornication is of course an instinct, if it wasn't, like already said, we all would've died out.


    The earth isn't more than about 6,000 years old, and marriage was part of God's plan right from the beginning.  Gen 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.


    If people multiply, it's supposed to be through God's way, not through fornication. God has something way better to offer than fornication. God created marriage and all such good things and God always existed. He created us and loves us.




    People are created through fornication because fornication is sex! God had man eventually create marriage once evolution had man stand up and societies began forming.

    I never said God doesn't love us... But he did make us animals (and yes, we are animals) I'm not arguing against God's existence or his love. I'm pointing out that God made us animals and therefore we do have instincts and we are pulled to sex.


    IRH, I'm starting to think that only a troll would claim to be waiting until marriage, and claim to be a Christian and yet consistently criticize and mock both topics.  I'm think I'm done with this thread.

  13. How can you possibly know that porn desensitizes men if you yourself are not a porn-watcher? I don't believe it makes any difference, unless a porn watcher could give me his experience with erectile dysfunction. If there was a PROFESSIONAL scientific study on the correlation between porn and erectile dysfunction i would love to see it. Anyway; Cheers.


    Start with this one:


    This one's also interesting:


    Then read through this list if you would like some more references:


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  14. I hear what you are saying.  My point is that you can't be a Christian from your head only.  It has to involve your heart and your soul. Without a conversion of the heart, it is all vain jangling.  These periods of extra study and of questioning faith before rejecting God are because these ones have allowed doubts to settle into their hearts and separate them from God.  Once that happens, unless they can overcome the questions and get back to the heart of their faith, just studying the Bible for facts and meaning will not resolve their doubt.

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  15. I think the opposite is often true. Many atheists/skeptics left their faith after a period of intense study and seriousness about their faith.


    I would truly be interested in a list of these many examples.  I honestly think that if you make such a sweeping statement that isn't describing your own experience, you should substantiate it.

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  16. Instinct tells men to mate with as many females as possible while instinct in women says to choose a mate carefully and only when the body is ideal for pregnancy.


    I don't buy that, man is not an animal, but a created being.  If a man or woman chooses to act like an animal, it isn't because we were made to be that way.  That is behavioral science drawing uninspired conclusions in the absence of any spirituality.  And there are a good number of animals that are monogamous, or that mate for life, so just drawing lines between the closest dots doesn't necessarily reveal the true picture.

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  17. Sometimes I think temptations are the quick and dirty option, so thinking about the equivalent good option is a remedy.


    If tempted to fantasize about sex, say no, and realize that one is really wanting love, affection, companionship, marriage (for that is what gives sex meaning).


    Then take action to work towards it. Maybe dial up a karaoke song on YouTube and practice singing. Write poetry, or practice guitar. Embark on some new endeavour to help others and become a stronger person of integrity. Make your boo a sandwich. Think about how to propose?


    If it's really bad, think 'no!' like telling a dog no.


    And 'get out of here, satan!' 'Jesus I love you, free me from this', 'the Lord rebuke thee, satan, get thee hence. I belong to God!'


    In other words, if tempted with lust, knock satan upside the head with a rolled up newspaper


    God can really help people with this. I've been abstinent my whole life, but it got so much easier after I became Christian!!! I hardly ever have those temptations anymore. It gives a wonderful sense of peace, from the Prince of Peace.


    And avoiding things that you know bring about the temptation. Look away, don't choose to watch things you shouldn't, don't hang out in places where temptation lurks. Otherwise it all just works to wear you down.

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  18. I see telling a child to find their own spiritual path as being more akin to letting them figure out which profession is right for them, rather than forcing them to go into the family business.


    I can't imagine what I would be like if I had been forced to go to church every week as a non-believing teen, but I don't think the results would be very pretty.

    Solomon made the following observation: "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." I think many parents would agree that their desire is to direct their children into a right and positive path. But it also takes living as an example, and many willingly fall far short of that for selfish reasons.

    I don't know what you were or were not taught as a child, or what you saw that pushed you away from any faith, so I cannot really comment on your thinking as a teen. But church is like anything in life - you get out of it what you put into it. A relationship with God can fail just the same way that a relationship with with a spouse can - through things like indifference, lack of trust and neglect.

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  19. Enjoyed this, thanks. Nice to see you CF, your accent is cool.

    Waiting's challenges do vary by the time in your life and who you are with or where you are. At my age, it is probably the feeling of aloneness and loneliness that is the most trying. People don't reach out as readily to you when you are older as when you are all young together, it takes more effort and planning to find people to spend time with. And one does get more selective too, from experience.

    For Vince and his interest in ice cream...

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  20. Sure, but I have this habit of taking luxuriously detailed macro photos of flower and their petals... hard to find anything created more elegant and beautiful and picturesque than a flower... at least not yet. ;)

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  21. From a Christian perspective, it's a mistake to say that every generation, or every child needs to figure out what is right or wrong or best for them, spiritually. That is why we have several thousand years worth of experience and guidance in the Bible, so we have something to look to for answers. You have to make it your own, embrace it, love it, or you will become hollow and either just go through the motions or reject it altogether.

    To expect every person to rediscover all spiritual truth for themselves as a blank slate is like expecting a doctor to invent or discover all of the tools, medicines and procedures over again without any precedents. It is like asking each lawyer to rewrite the constitution and all of the laws afresh, rather than use the ones we have for reference. Take any skill or profession that has been developed over generations and nobody would lightly suggest throwing out all the accumulated experience and tools and recipes and procedures to start over from scratch.

    A child of obedient Christian parents is considered by God to be an obedient Christian until he/she is old enough to be capable and responsible for such decisions, as per Paul in I Corinthians 7.

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  22. That was fun. Nachos and cola on a hangout sounds like fun, I must be hungry tonight.

    Nicole, when an inappropriate sex scene pops up and we're watching together, my mom still instructs me to look away (or fast forwards the scene) and extols the virtues of waiting; probably won't escape the reminders and warnings until you marry. FWIW, you appeared graceful in the podcast, and are brave to go on camera like that.

    So I wonder if you guys need to issue your guest with a Jeopardy-like buzzer, so when that have a comment, they can buzz their way into the conversation...

    I would help you edit the video if you wanted, but at this stage, I think the raw candor of the podcast is one of it's appealing aspects, because nobody's acting or 'presenting'.

    I agree that the past approach to explaining WTM to children has indeed changed in this time. Back when I was 12 or so, there was no internet, and about the only place a teen could get a glimpse was a few minutes sneaking around the dirty magazine aisle until some responsible adult chased you away. I am dismayed when I walk into a typical mall and the public display boards (let alone the actual shop windows) boldly present some poor woman in semi-transparent lingerie for all ages to view and ponder. And the imagery that is available on the internet today without hardly trying is far beyond what we might have glimpsed in a magazine.

    So I think today's youngsters need to be told more, more often, and reminded of the reasons for WTM as they try to find their footing and maturity in their own souls. Not in fear of some mysterious repercussions, but with honest, clear reasons why WTM is not just the right thing to do, but how it prevents unmarried pregnancies, STDs, heartbreak and so many complications of life that are not necessary.

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