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Everything posted by ChristianMan72

  1. About Women

    I had several women working for me a few years ago, and from time to time, I'd be 'enlightened' by one of them about the other. I had to be doubly careful as their boss, because being unfairly swayed one way or the other would have become a problem. Usually, I would try to listen, maybe try to understand (or maybe not!), and try not to agree or disagree if possible. And I would take it with a grain of salt, since a boss should try to be objective. And usually it would pass without incident, though I wouldn't ignore what was said if it sounded like a real problem. I guess in general, I would try to not let myself be manipulated, whether in an oversight role or just a friend. And I would probably be inclined to side with the person I knew the best, typical human nature.
  2. Help!? Men trouble!

    Some men need a little more encouragement than others, perhaps this is the case. A smile and a little wave or something might help. And you can text him, but don't go overboard on the digital messages, be they texts or emails or whatever else, sending 3 or 4 or more unanswered texts, before you know someone better, may make you look a little desperate or may irritate unintentionally. And in my opinion, if nothing comes of it, don't try to force it, because in that case, it is better to wait for something that really works out than to try to force something that isn't meant to be. My 2c.
  3. Children?? What if...

    Adoption is fine with me, I don't feel that I need to have my own biological children. But I really can't make that decision alone, my wife would need to be a part of it. To me, it doesn't make a woman even the slightest bit less valued or loved if she can't have children. I know several couples that have adopted, presumably because they couldn't have their own, and I admire that a lot. But I would prefer to adopt very young children, if possible.
  4. How Do You Know That...

    He is very real. He's helped me with real life issues many times, and solved or provided when there was no one else to. Sometimes He allows challenges to come along just so He can show His power and care over the ones who love and obey Him. See John 9, esp. verse 3.
  5. Would you date a guy who's still living at home?

    Nothing shameful about it if you are responsible in the way you approach it. A lot of parents actually like it, from what I've heard.
  6. Fitness!

    BodyCombat rules!
  7. Shared interests!

    Besides being Christians on the same page, I don't think we have to share a lot of existing interests, and I'd be willing to learn more about the things she is interested in. I have enough responsibility already that I would not mind sharing some of the planning of things to do and places to go with a wife, if she liked that sort of thing. I'm not totally without ideas, but on my own I rarely take any of them to fruition. However, one thing I hope we can do is travel to some of the places I've visited so I can share the experience and enjoy it again through her eyes. Showing someone things and seeing them enjoy it is awesome. Probably the one thing I don't want to end up doing is watching a lot of TV, I just can't take most of it now. There are a few shows that are OK and movies are often fun, but so much TV is a waste of time. And of course she should not be averse to errr... bedroom activities, wherever they may take place. My 2cents.
  8. WTM Scripture Verses

    Sometimes I think about this one, to give me hope. It isn't wrong to want a spouse - God made us this way. Genesis 2 (NIV) 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.†19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.†24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
  9. Fitness!

    For some years, I've been taking full-body high intensity aerobics classes, mainly Tae Bo or martial arts and boxing based classes. Usually 3 times a week. I like how the choreography engages the mind, and there is always a fresh challenge when new music and choreography is released. Except for instructors, most guys seem to avoid group fitness classes at least where I have lived. Either it isn't seen as 'manly' enough or perhaps they don't want the women in the class to beat them at it, because it is intense. In some areas, a lot more men are involved, so I think it might be a culture thing. I would like to add some muscle toning to the mix, but have yet to find the right time to fit it in. However I have experienced the benefits of weights and toning and know how effective it is. But I'm not looking to build show-off type muscle, just to stay fit and well-balanced. If there was a good biking trail nearby, that would also be great, cycling is a good workout.
  10. A couple years ago, I polled a few 'matches' on one of the dating sites, trying to figure out if the sites had any value, before I eventually gave that up. The number of 'Christian' single women who indicated a willingness/desire for 'relationship sex' was at least this high in my recollection.
  11. @mpetrella I appreciate your reasoned response. Though I wouldn't have put it quite that way, I believe Amarillo meant well. However, I have done my fair share of scripting, filming, editing and even a little casting, more on the corporate side. And I know that in with filming and clever editing you can pretty much depict people however you want to. I would venture that you are not going to be involved in the filming and editing, nor are the director or producer. So your reassurances are appreciated, but again I would venture that you don't have anything close to the final say on how the participants will be presented. Profit is the goal here, I gather this isn't a public service piece. The producer is going to want it to be a commercial success, and most will do whatever they can to make it so. With reality TV, that means it has to be funny or shocking or extreme or a little bizarre. Your position reminds me of Al Pacino's role in The Insider. At the end of the day, it's out of your hands and you really cannot promise almost anything beyond some money. But tell me, why should abstinent couples need therapists to prepare them for their wedding night? Seriously? Are those who choose to WTM so ignorant and maladjusted because we don't have years of experience with sex like so many others? With that premise alone, this can only go south. In an effort to look at this from your side, I looked up more about Christian Therapists for sex on the wedding night. Here is an article that I have never read before now, but the premise that "a little preparation before the wedding goes a long way" sounds a lot better than trying to stretch that little bit of highly-private discussion into 22 or 45 minutes. I may not have any experience for the wedding night I hope for one day, but TV and the media have already made very certain that I know far more about sex than I wish I did as a single man. I'm not trying to block others from getting involved in your project, but I personally wouldn't, even if I was eligible. Here's a novel idea! Why don't you propose a reality show that could do some good beyond just entertaining? Show all the couples that regret the sex and the casual and chance relationships they had before they got married. Show how married couples have to deal with each other's sexual history and exes and related baggage and wish that it wasn't always there between them in their relationship. Show how anti-climactic it must be to have a wedding night and honeymoon with someone you not only slept with the night before, but probably for years before that. Talk to the people who haven't been able to make it work and divorced because they couldn't get past the idea that they should be able to have multiple partners and/or sex outside of marriage. Talk to all the young single mothers who realize their mistake, but feel marooned because they can't get the serious attention of a lot of the eligible guys. Because no matter how 'open-minded' everyone claims to be, many men either see that as 'damaged goods' (even though they may guilty of the adding to the problem themselves), or have to think carefully about taking on the additional responsibility of a child the same day they tie the knot. There's probably a good reason why couples have nine months to get ready for that responsibility. Talk to the couples that broke up over some stupid, heated arguments after living together like man and wife for years, and regret it, but didn't have anything stronger than a shared apartment key to hold them together in the tough times. I'm not a casting professional, but I believe that you would find far more participants and content than you could ever use. You could probably fill season after season... And that reality TV I would watch.
  12. I would appreciate some thoughts and input on the following question... I've never been very bold with women, I have a high regard and respect and would not want to do anything that would detract from a woman's dignity. But not being very good at communicating on a,personal level, that leaves me concerned about when and where is appropriate to try to say hi, ask a name, make a comment. One of the places I am often at is the local gym. It is a family type gym, so the atmosphere is good. I want to talk to this one woman in my class but am really wondering if she would be unhappy because I was in the gym., and the gym should not be a dating center. For instance, I don't want her to feel awkward coming back to class next time if I tried to talk to her right after a class, since I might be in the class. I've told myself that I will likely wait until I happen to meet her somewhere else besides the gym... But that may take a long time, I don't know much about her. Where should I talk to her? Where and when should I not talk to her? I know she sees me and she knows I am interested in her for some reason at least, but she never lingers or approaches me. I don't want to be thought of as someone who goes looking for women at the gym, so I am slow to say much.
  13. Rejection

    There is some humanistic circular reasoning going on in parts of this thread, perhaps well-intentioned, but it is not helping. If for purposes of discussion, we leave out God and assume that mankind's reason and relative values are enough, then you make your own standards. If you joined this site because you believe in WTM, then by that self-set standard alone, WTM is 'right' and this guy who won't WTM is 'wrong'. Maybe in this guy's set of relative values not WTM is not wrong, but to the young lady asking the question, he is wrong. I would venture that this site isn't about sex or how important having sex is or isn't. It is about successfully WTM. Saying that the existence of this site shows how important sex is to any relationship is not accurate. The existence of this site does however show that to some people, WAITING to have sex with one and only one person in a marriage relationship is important. For those of us who accept that mankind's reasoning is fallible and look to the values given to us by God to help us live our lives, then this guy is still wrong for refusing to WTM. While I don't know this firsthand, I would think that from your additional details, he liked you and was investing in you but with sex as a/the primary goal. He's back because... he probably still wants something. Maybe he is still attracted to you, but unless he both apologizes and demonstrates a change of heart, he very likely still hopes to get things on his terms, just maybe a bit later on. (And even if a guy with this kind of casual sex history did apologize on his own initiative, and swear to have changed, you'd still be taking a big chance that he'd lose interest and decide to court and bed someone else sooner or later.) You should not be surprised that some men will put a fair bit of time and effort and even expense into courting a woman without being sincere. In my opinion, besides loving you to bits, the right guy will not only agree to, but want to put a ring on your finger and sign the marriage license before getting the room. He will want you to be his and only his as much as you want him to be yours and only yours. I personally would NOT recommend agreeing to spend time with him, or being 'friends' with him. And you are welcome to ask questions, no need to apologize!
  14. Sadly, I tend toward agreeing with Amarillo. If the OP wants an entertaining freak show, he should go film a circus. Mainstream reality TV wants things that are dramatic, shocking, twisted. And if they can't find it in their cast, they script it in themselves. At first glance, participating in something like this might sound like it would bring honor to the concept of WTM. But I would be very surprised if they left the viewer with any positive impression of WTM. Often, in the media's treatment of WTM, there is a two-faced theme that starts with "this is interesting and different" and then ends with doubts and uncertainties and even side swipes at the subjects or participants. The producers will present it the way they want to, and the participants will have no say in that. Some short 30 years ago, WTM was still the public norm. Teenagers and pre-teens were not given free condoms and told how to use them even before they had their first whiskers/periods. Unmarried adult couples living together publicly was a scandal, let alone young adults and high school kids. That was when reality TV would have instead featured those who didn't WTM and explored the reasons for not waiting and not committing to a lifelong relationship before exploring sexual intimacy. Even the edgiest sitcoms e.g. "Three's Company" didn't openly present or condone premarital sex, only presenting it as a mistaken assumption for comedic purposes. I'm not naive, there has always been sexual sin going on, almost since the beginning of time. But the sitcoms, reality tv, movies, pornographers and media in general have done their best to turn the tables on morality and present sexual purity and WTM as the exception, rather than the rule it once was and should always be. Now sex is misrepresented every day, in the media and especially on TV, as a physical need, a right, an 'essential' part of any 'healthy' relationship, a way of having some fun, blowing off steam, having a life. More and more in the last two decades, the men and women in the highest offices in the US and many other countries defend their own sexual dalliances and proceed to legalize and more or less encourage perversion. They don't need any help from those here who, for whatever reason, have chosen WTM as their way of upholding the value and sincerity of a monogamous marriage.
  15. I won't be what my wife loves most - she will love The Lord most. (And then me next!) And then if I also put The Lord first, we cannot go wrong. Why? Because when we are both following the will of God, we will always be on the same page. We might each see the page in a different light and need to work it out, but we won't be pulling in opposite directions. I personally cannot imagine being married to someone that is not only on a different page, but in a completely different book.
  16. Well worth watching. It tries to addresses those who vigorously oppose the existence of God, among other things. But it isn't a lot of arguments, but more a story with some of that along the way. It isn't really intended to convince people who don't want to believe, but perhaps encourage some of those sitting on the fence to look further.
  17. Christians believe that the only way to serve God is through Jesus. "Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me." You will find that Moslems have a similar belief for their religion, and so do many others. If you believe and serve God, then, by implication, you don't believe in your spouse's beliefs, and there will never be agreement. There will be despising, no matter how well hidden. Christians are not bound today by the rules of the OT Jewish law. But that doesn't make those teachings something to throw away, because they teach the personality of God the Father. We are still bound to follow those teachings in spirit. Though some OT scriptures may not be literal instruction for us today, no scripture applies 'only to a past generation'. And the OT laws we are bound to keep are reaffirmed in the NT.
  18. Yes, this evening, enjoyed it a lot. That's why I put the thread up, my way of 'texting' the people here.
  19. Rejection

    Don't walk away. Run. First, he's already stooped to flattering you, a sure sign of trouble ahead. Second, a man worth having will respect you, and will want to preserve and protect your honor and dignity, not abuse it. And he will have some self-respect too. Realistically, most of us have hormones and don't want to wait years and years to have sex. But we do. And the other thing I've learned is that just because you have a lot in common with someone and get along really well on general topics doesn't mean they're a good match. It's the values and beliefs that need to be in common. I have to say PaulJustPaul put this all pretty well in his own way a couple posts above.
  20. Is there an app for this site?

    I don't know if one is planned or not, but apps take time (and money usually), and are often done in phases. You could however add to this by listing the most important features of the site to you - the ones that you would want in an app. That gives a starting point and might get other users involved. And you should specify which device you use, or would prefer to use.
  21. Good and bad places to try to approach a woman...

    So, to grant closure to this thread, I haven't seen her since. That happens, and I sometimes think later, "what if I said this, or did that". But I don't dwell on it, and figure it is probably just as well. I believe that if/when I meet the right person, I will have the right thing to say at that moment.
  22. "Bitch" as a term of endearment

    Though I no longer have direct employees, I once had a female employee was often awesome to work with, but sometimes would become distrustful, angry and vindictive. She knew this about herself and would describe herself as a B. Despite her occasional attempts to turn me prematurely grey, I would never openly agree with the term or apply it to her myself, as that would of course be unacceptable in my role. However, I think in general men are not supposed to use the term even when women do. The same goes for racial terminology - you pretty much can't get away with using it unless it could be applied to you. Personally, I don't like the double-standard. Especially when some apparently think that a self-applied slang term somehow gives them an excuse for questionable behavior. For example, calling oneself a slob shouldn't mean that everyone else will give you a pass for some socially unacceptable behavior. As a footnote, I will say that this young lady employee was actually one of my favorites and I had compassion for her, despite the challenges she presented. She was sincere, not devious, highly skilled and took pride in her her work and role. Sadly, she may never actually find her way to trust anyone, but that is undoubtedly due to her dysfunctional upbringing.
  23. Courting

    If a young woman is very close to or still lives with her parents, or if the suitor knows the parents already, I think it helps maintain the order and respect and propriety that belong in what could become lifelong relationships. There are exceptions, especially with the dysfunction in many families today. But I would certainly want to ask a woman's father for her hand in marriage if at all possible - it shows respect for the order that builds strong families. And yes, courting, not dating.
  24. What is the difference between you and your girlfriend(s) exploring each other's bodies for 8 months to the point of oral sex and beyond, and your unfortunate seven seconds representing intercourse. Yes, in a very technical manner the first isn't 'sex' and the second is 'sex', but that is really missing the heart and spirit of WTM. If you've already enjoyed most everything else there is to an intimate relationship, what are you saving for marriage? Perhaps you should look further back than that fateful night and figure out what it is you really believe or don't believe? Because at least some of the rest of us that you say are "brainwashed" into WTM can see through token technicalities and lip-service. I wanted to be reassuring, and indeed you can get back up, dust yourself off and find your way back to the WTM path, and I sincerely hope you do. But you will have to recognize that you've been on a detour for a while now and if you don't really rethink your current path, you will end up down in the dust again.