ChristianMan72

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Everything posted by ChristianMan72

  1. I know some retail and service positions, maybe many, have rules against employees initiating anything with their employer's customers as it would be considered unprofessional. In this case, I suppose the customer has to initiate something if they are interested?
  2. I know this is technically Ask The Girls, and they are welcome to critique what I suggest, but I'm going to put in 2c. Showing an interest is good, esp. If you can figure out something safe to ask that she will be interested in responding to or talking about. Maybe if it's in the afternoon or later and she looks tired, show you are compassionate and ask if she's had a long shift/day; did she choose this role because she likes numbers and people; is she on summer vacation from school or university. Show her that you have the beginning of an interest in what happens in her world. And at the same time you'll learn a bit more about her thoughts and personality. If she has an obvious but not too personal tattoo, comment on it or ask about it (you are in the South more or less, they're common down here). If you are buying ingredients for something new or unusual or special, comment on what you are trying to make; if e.g. you were or buy a gift or toy for a relative or friend or birthday party, casually mention that and what the occasion is, and that you hope it is a good choice. Give her a chance to get a glimpse into your world and give her the opportunity to give a little advice, and be prepared to consider it. It's almost the Fourth... maybe a comment on your favorite fireworks, or where the best place is to get them, or to watch them. Obviously, this all depends on personalities, but these are some ideas to help you find something that fits to get the communication going. I wouldn't try to do so all at once though, let time and the inevitable need to shop regularly work for you.
  3. Has your faith ever been tested?

    He knows the end from the beginning. Don't get impatient. I'll pray for you too.
  4. Has your faith ever been tested?

    From a Christian POV, God does allow us to be tested and tried, and it is spoken of in the scriptures too. He wants us to set our hearts on Him and not let anything interfere with that. It is like a marriage in a sense, we have to remain faithful to Him, even if there are difficulties to face, or things we don't understand, or feelings in our hearts that would lead us somewhere else. God is greater than the sometimes uncertain feelings in our hearts. He promises that He will not test or try us above our ability to endure it, or beyond our ability to stay faithful. He also speaks of things like false signs or false prophecies that may appear to come to pass, as tests as well. And while it is popular today to suggest that most or all religions ultimately pray to the same God, the New Testament makes it very clear that we can only get to God the Father through Jesus Christ and His teachings. Sometimes we don't understand why God would allow pain and suffering and death. Or why He doesn't answer certain prayers that we feel must be the right thing for God to do. But we can't see the whole picture like He does, or how it all works together, we can only see it from our own small viewpoint. Ultimately, we have to trust Him and keep our faith. Unbelief always starts with doubts, even nurturing the tiniest seed of uncertainty. I'm not suggesting that you stick your head in the sand, or your fingers in your ears, but there are things you just don't need to investigate, read, and watch. We don't need to know all of the argumentative theories and dismissive explanations that people make against God and the Bible. Many of us don't voluntarily present that we are WTM or offer our reasons for waiting until marriage to die-hard non-waiters because we don't want or need to face derision, discouragement and doubt about this decision that we strongly believe in. In the same way, it isn't necessary or even recommended to go looking for what people have to say against Christianity. As another analogy, suppose you have a fiancé who was innocent, but maliciously accused of some evil crime out of hatred. You know your fiancé very well and believe that he/she is innocent. Would it help your belief to go listen firsthand to all of the hateful details and lies that the accuser is putting out about your fiancé? Would you be able to look past it, or would some part of it try to keep gnawing away at the back of your mind in doubt every time you were with your fiancé? In time, you could and should get over it, yes, but some things are unnecessary to suffer through if the outcome is going to be the same.
  5. Saving your first kiss too?

    In my opinion, I think it is good to wait. I'm not going to kiss someone I don't know. Nor someone I might like. Not even someone I like but don't necessarily love. But once properly engaged, I think a brief hello/goodbye kiss from time to time ought to be OK, just not the whole passionate kissing thing. And both herpes and HIV can be transmitted through passionate kissing.
  6. No matter what they say (and there will be sour grapes), I think by far most people will respect you more because you have waited, because of your self control, and your morality. Why do we respect the top athletes? Because of the level of self-control and self-discipline needed to train to become the best. People respect dedication to principles and self-control, even if they don't live it themselves. I believe that the right guy will indeed love you all the more because you waited. It isn't just the first time sex thing, but the knowledge that you are not bringing anyone but yourself into the ongoing marriage relationship.
  7. The Darcy Syndrome

    I read most if not all of Austen's books years ago and I tend to think the best Pride and Prejudice was the BBC 6-part series. Perhaps Darcy is a little more dynamic of a character than it may seem. His principles and morality are steadfast, but his belief in the importance of someone's position in a class society over their individual merit did change. He liked Elizabeth, but pretty much believed that it was wrong to mix with a class 'beneath' his own, and even went so far as to try to dissuade his close friend Mr Bingley from getting too close to Jane. Somehow, somewhere after his terrible attempted proposal, he realized that he needed to change his views on class, that people could be good or bad regardless of the class they were from. I think the point in the film where Darcy says "I shall conquer this, I shall" indicates he is struggling with this change, and with the fact that he cannot justify his arrogance when he sees himself through Elizabeth's eyes after their discussion. And then we see Elizabeth and Mrs Gardiner discussing Darcy's unexpected pleasantness after the surprise meeting at Pemberley... Mrs. Gardiner: Is this the proud Darcy you told us of? He is all ease and friendliness. No false dignity at all! Elizabeth Bennet: I’m as astonished as you are. I can’t imagine what has affected this transformation. Mrs. Gardiner: Can you not? [Gotta love this woman's feminine intuition] On the side-topic of manners and politeness, Elizabeth eventually gained everything because she was willing to be patient and polite, even with someone she misunderstood to the point of dislike. Where would she have been if she'd been rude and offhand and dismissive and laughed in his face when he asked her to meet his sister and etc.? Electronic messaging and texting have encouraged people to blurt out anything they like without thinking about it, and there is a definite downside to that. I'm not talking about being a stuffed shirt, but about being proper with people when it is time to be more formal, and not to force "casual rebellion" on everyone and every situation.
  8. I didn't read the book, but saw the film... I liked this quote, applies to the train story perhaps. “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery...†― Benjamin Mee, We Bought a Zoo: The Amazing True Story of a Young Family, a Broken Down Zoo, and the 200 Wild Animals That Change Their Lives Forever
  9. (I'm pasting this in to assist the OP, I think it will get more reads and replies that way.) I first discovered this website a couple years ago and I must say, it is exactly what I needed. Over the years, I’ve been self-conscious about my virginity, seeing it as a scarlet letter rather than a mantle to be borne with pride. I worried that my family thought I was gay. I worried about what men would say or do when they found out I was waiting. I thought I was weird for being the only adult virgin I knew. After I hit 30, I realized that there was a reason why things hadn’t worked out for me in the love department. I think God knows me so well that He knew I needed to wait. He knew that if I had found a relationship prior to making the decision to wait until marriage, that I would regret not waiting. I wasn’t particularly religious until this point in my life. I was raised Catholic, but never liked going to church. Because I realized how God has been working in my life all this time, I now am much more religious. My decision to wait has opened doors in my faith that I never knew were there. And yet, when I espouse my beliefs outside this forum, they are shunned. Non-waiters believe I’m out of my mind. People don’t want to believe that delaying gratification is better for your mind, body and soul. Sex feels too good to them to be considered “bad†in the wrong context. They think I’m out of touch with reality because I tell them I’m waiting so as to experience a deeper, more fulfilling relationship and marriage. They think it’s out of the question for people to abstain from sex if they don’t want to risk pregnancy or STI’s. They think birth control works 100% of the time and will tell you that sex is “safe†as long as it is done in this way. When you tell them that their assertion is not true, that prophylactics do not eliminate, they just reduce the chance of pregnancy and STI’s, they call you a fear-mongering Bible-thumper. Even though what you say is true. I continue to stand up for my beliefs outside this forum because people NEED to hear them. They may not want to, but they NEED to. If only so that they know that there are people in our sex-crazed society who DO believe in doing things the way God intended. Having my beliefs mocked and challenged has hurt me, but it has also strengthened my resolve. I continue to post my thoughts on these forums because I know that if just one person is positively influenced to make a change in their life because of my words, I will have fulfilled my purpose. My purpose is to get the word out that there are people who will stand up and do the right thing, even if it’s not the popular thing. I will tell people who think that sexual pleasure outside of marriage is a right, that they are wrong. Just because something is commonly done does not make it “rightâ€. In some cultures, cannibalism is common. Does that mean that it’s right? My advice to you, my fellow waiters, is to use this site as your home base. Come here when you need solace and reassurance. Come here when you need to commiserate about the difficulties you face as you wait. Come here to help others who you know want your help. But I implore you to please, also tell others about your choice. It does no good to constantly preach to the choir. Get your voice out there and be heard, so that others who might be on the fence can be positively influenced by your words. Love those who disagree with you, even though their words may hurt you. They need your love and understanding even more than those who share your views. Love them enough to pray for them, and pray that through your words they might finally begin to see the folly of their actions and beliefs. It takes a strong person to be a positive voice in the face of so much adversity. Stand up and be proud of your choice. Don’t let others tear you down because of their false beliefs. They have chosen the easy path. Everyone must make a choice between doing what is right and what is easy. It is “easy†to secretly be waiting. It is easy to keep your head down and pretend you’re just like everyone else. It is easy to come across as if you agree with extramarital sex without speaking up for your own beliefs. Now I ask you, what will your choice be?
  10. What Impresses You?

    This is a really, really great list, thank you for the effort it must have taken!
  11. For me, I think it all depends on her age, and what she would like. I would want to wait a couple years at least I think, but that's a joint decision. I also don't mind adopting, in my mind, I don't have to have biological children.
  12. Did the world go mad while I was asleep?

    Thank you, that's all I was asking for, right from my first post. I'm neither an administrator nor a troll, nor even a long-time member, and I'm not here to police your tone or anyone else's. Again, it isn't what you said, but how I perceived that you said it. And if I was mistaken, then that would be on me. But I will gladly admit to being protective of women (from a chivalrous POV) and particularly so of the ones who want to be homemakers, because they are often not given much respect nor allowed much of a voice. And I'm willing to leave the discussion at that.
  13. Did the world go mad while I was asleep?

    I honestly didn't intend this to become a spat. Stephen started this thread essentially suggesting men are being condescending and insulting to women by being over protective. BF, you took it a step further by taking a condescending and insulting tone towards women who might actually appreciate a man being protective over them. I am simply asking you, BF, to cut out the condescension that clearly comes across in many of your posts, at least those that I have happened upon. I'm not the first to have pointed out your condescending tone. I'm well aware that we're all from different backgrounds, but I think we should be able to discuss things here in a open manner that shares but doesn't try to force our own views.
  14. Did the world go mad while I was asleep?

    I didn't put words in your mouth, you did. Your tone in this comment comes across as insulting. Sure, you have your own opinions and beliefs, but you don't need to try to shame others for thinking differently.
  15. Did the world go mad while I was asleep?

    Is it necessary to put down housewives? Do you need to dismiss the Biblical Christian family unit out of hand? Can't we leave the snide remarks to bitter women like Hilary Clinton who "chose not to stay home and bake cookies?" I have no doubt that women are at least as intelligent as men, I've worked with them and have seen it first hand. But trying to cast shame on a woman who wants to make her husband and children her career seems a low blow. And there is nothing helpless or dainty about the effort and competence involved in managing a household as a wife/mother.
  16. Escape stories...

    With all due respect to cosmetologists everywhere, they said they were hairdressers from a nearby city and were on vacation themselves. I think I would have picked up on them being hookers, but with their limited knowledge of English and the different culture in their country, it is possible. Either way, they did want to be feted.
  17. There's no shame in "fleeing fornication," it is sometimes necessary to achieve the goal of WTM. And while most situations can be avoided by appropriate planning, sometimes a situation becomes unavoidable. Do you have a story of avoidance/escape...? I'll start. My close friend (also WTM) and I were in a foreign country staying at an inexpensive 'resort' that had small motel-like rooms but a small common lounge/restaurant. These two foreign women who weren't actually staying there but were also on vacation sort of targeted us, simpering and asking for drinks, etc. Between being relaxed, being nice guys and trying to understand through the language/culture differences, we humored them but after a little while, their intent to get 'involved' with us became pretty clear. We excused ourselves politely the first evening, and didn't think we'd see them again. But the next night, who should meet us as we were returning to our room but these same two women, and they made it clear they were planning on our company again in the lounge and more or less "weren't going to take no for an answer". Because of the remoteness of the area, we were kind of trapped, it wasn't like we could just walk down the street to another restaurant for dinner. And it would have been pretty difficult to avoid them without making a scene in the small shared lounge/restaurant. So I called a cab and had it pull right up to our resort room. Then we quietly slipped into the cab in the dark and escaped to a restaurant some ways away for the evening. They were gone when we returned to our room later, and after that, we never saw them again.
  18. What do you do for work?

    Stunt double for animated characters. Whenever you see e.g. the minions doing dangerous stunts, it's really me in a minion costume.... Actually, I really do a little animation among a million other things. But not the minions, though they are so well done.
  19. New member with an issue

    If you really love her and you trust her, then you probably don't need to know, it will just be more to try to forget. If you believe she has truly changed, her past is irrelevant and you should forgive her completely. The only way that I think it would be relevant is if you doubt her sincerity, and in that case, it would be a much bigger problem than just knowing details of her past. There is nothing inferior about you because you waited, and you don't need to 'catch up' somehow, even if it was with her. You shouldn't think of her as somehow 'sexually continuing where she left off'. When you get married, you two start together fresh, and there are only the two of you in the relationship. My 2c.
  20. Plus size...

    Yeah, I should point out that being overweight and being unfit can exist together, but are not the same concepts. I work out three-four times a week in an hour-long high-energy aerobic fitness class, and I can generally keep up all the way. So I am very fit, even while being technically overweight. My jump kick is about as poetic as a 6"4 viking's ever could be, just like this clip....
  21. Plus size...

    I know this is kind of a taboo topic, but I happened upon this video and article: http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/14/showbiz/tv/louis-ck-fat-girl/ Ladies, in your experience or from discussions with your friends, etc., is this portrayal true to life, or exaggerated? And, medical causes aside, do you think it is unreasonable to expect someone (male or female) who is overweight (BMI > 25) or obese (BMI > 30) to work towards a "healthier" weight, or should they be accepted as they are?
  22. Plus size...

    Thanks for the replies. Here's a bit more of what I've been thinking. It is difficult to discuss this topic, because one doesn't want to be disrespectful of either side, or maybe I should say size. To start with I should qualify myself by saying that though I am nearly 6"4 and don't look fat from most angles, I am enough overweight to be over 30 BMI. My 'perfect' weight is 200 lb, and I was last there about 10 years ago. I don't know if I would feel well that thin, I have more muscle now, but I certainly do need to keep losing. I keep working my weight down little by little, changing eating habits and exercising consistently rather than trying to crash diet my way there. It is really important to learn and make good eating habits when you are younger, because it can be quite an effort to change later. BMI isn't a perfect measure to compare everyone with, I know, but it does give one a goal to work toward, even if your target BMI is different from someone else's. BMI doesn't take muscle mass into account, so if you are very muscular, the figures will be off. I know that weight doesn't define a person's heart and soul, and I think that is important to consider. But it is true that for probably either sex, one of the first things you think when you see someone who is more than slightly overweight is "are they lazy or maybe don't care about how they look; what else don't they care about?" And it does tend to put people off, especially if they don't know you. I will say that, with all due respect to those who are e.g. naturally really thin, the advertising and marketing images and even the TV and movie characters are almost all really thin people, some of whom are too thin. I don't suggest that 'fat' people should be featured as I don't think it is something to aspire to, but more 'real' or 'average' body shapes should be shown, not just the tiny people.
  23. Ask a Catholic! (i.e, me...)

    Exactly. The truth is there for all to see if they really want to. There is so much more to this chapter than the first two words, but that is all that many people are willing to see. So true. This is why there are so many different churches and denominations today - people feel they can build their own religion out of the parts of the Bible they like or are willing to obey, and discard or ignore the rest. God doesn't change with the times, nor should what we believe.
  24. Controversy on WTM

    I happen to believe that sex before marriage is a sin. But that is not my only reason for waiting. Besides wanting to be very much in love, I want to be able to trust my significant other. How can that trust be there if there is not a willingness to commit through marriage before sex? Why do people sign contracts in business? Because no matter how much they like the other person, or think they can trust them, or want to trust them, you need a symbol of their commitment. I'm not suggesting that a marriage contract ever be wielded as a weapon like business contracts may be however. There are lots and lots of people who had every intention of marrying the person they chose to sleep/live with, but it didn't happen. There is a reason why that commitment is needed before sex. I guess what I am saying is that the right person is not the right person until they commit to marriage? As far as the idea that you need to be engaged for years and years and plan the ultimate wedding, perhaps that's been exaggerated by tradition rather than being really practical. If I really believed I had met the right one and was ready to commit, I wouldn't be too happy to wait and wait just because the perfect summer wedding venues were all booked solid for the next three summers. Perhaps for younger couples, a longer engagement would be more practical for financial and other reasons, but with a level head (and some method of birth control) I still think the engagement period is often exaggerated. And yes, I've got enough invested in waiting already that it would be folly to abandon that now, especially in any sort of casual way. My 2c.