AllishaG

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Everything posted by AllishaG

  1. You know... the one that sends out multiple consecutive texts in a row, when the other person clearly doesn't seem interested in talking. Why do people do this anyway? I guess I just never have understood it. If someone is sending you one word responses, not gauging you in a conversation, never initiating contact with you, sending you disengaged replies, or just straight up not replying at all, why would you continue to message them? If I start to get the feeling that the person I'm talking to doesn't want to talk, I end the conversation. And if it seems to happen more than once, I just stop contacting them altogether. I figure, if they really want to talk, they'll start the next conversation. I've also had to stop replying to people altogether, when they seem to never get the hint. And what's worse is when they continue to send messages even after I never replied to their other messages. It's just annoying looking at your texts or your messages from the same person and seeing 10 hey!'s in a row. My WORST real life scenario: I went on ONE Valentine's date with a guy, back in 2011. Wasn't interested after that. He continued to message/text me all the time, which only further annoyed me, and even after I was always "too busy" to go on any other dates he asked me out on, he still would try asking me out. I finally got a break over a year later when I used my moving away to college as an excuse in the hopes he would move on after that. I was wrong. Months later, I got the dreaded message yet again. I told him I had a boyfriend (wasn't entirely untrue, but we weren't really official at the point even though we ended up not getting together anyway) which he was respectful about. Months later, he messaged me again, asking if I still had a boyfriend. I would continue to get messages from him for a long time. Last November he even sent me a long-winded reply saying that he "messed up" but that he would like to "get back in a relationship with me." I had to laugh at that one, since we had only ever went on one date 2 1/2+ years ago. Finally I just straight up told him that I was only interested in him as a friend, and that I was sure there was another girl out there for him. I was as nice as I could be about it, and he seemed to understand, saying that he missed out but that he wishes me the best. Then, a couple days after this last Christmas, I get another message from him: "All I want for Christmas is you". Okay, being nice isn't working, time to make it clear. I told him I didn't want a relationship with him, and that I had been trying to be nice before but he didn't seem to be getting it. I added that I wasn't trying to sound mean at all, but I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. So he ended up cussing me out, and then I finally just blocked him. Almost 3 years after that one-and-only date, and I was finally free. Don't know why, just felt this had to be posted. I know most people don't take things to this extreme, but even on a lesser scale, it can get annoying. Be aware when you're talking to people.
  2. Hi all! This is my first post in awhile, but I have a question I've been thinking about a lot lately. How have the prospects been with finding other people who are willing to wait with you? I know both genders face different struggles: for girls it's often difficult to find a guy who doesn't expect sex after the first few dates. For guys it can be difficult because girls might assume there's something wrong if you're still a virgin. So, I'm curious to hear everyone's experience with this. I just got out of a relationship with a guy who was very respectful of my decision and wanted to wait with me until marriage. However, he was my first and only relationship (I also met him at a Christian University) and so I don't know how likely it is for me to find anyone else like that. :/ Anyone in current relationships? Or anyone who has dated individuals who seemed willing to stick it out?
  3. Ok I'll be the first extrovert-convert to reply! I used to be an introvert. Would hardly talk to people, usually kept to myself, too shy to even talk to my own grandparents as a kid. I lived most of my life as an introvert, until around the age of 16 or 17 when the transition slowly began. Now I am an extrovert, I basically faked it until I became it, but it worked and I'm very happy being more on the extroverted side than anything! Well, at the very least I'm an ambivert, but I tend to favor more outgoing activities and being around people. I think I go for more of the extroverted guys. But I've liked both sides of the spectrum. My boyfriend was actually much more introverted than anything, but he and I meshed really well. Quite honestly, if I did end up with an introvert, I don't think there would be any problems with anything. When I really like someone, I'm content just being with him. I don't need to be out socializing all the time because the thing that makes me the happiest is spending time with my person, doesn't matter what we're doing.
  4. Dating

    Has anyone seen the movie This Means War? This entire thread keeps reminding me of it; it's a cute movie, you guys should see it if you get the chance Although the main character definitely takes the idea of poly-dating wayyy too far, I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with poly-dating at first, depending on intentions. I am by no means committing myself to anyone by agreeing to go on a date with them. I've never actually poly-dated, but I have had a situation come up before in which it was a possibility. There was a guy I met through FB through mutual friends who I talked to online for a couple weeks before he asked me out on a date. He seemed nice and I enjoyed talking to him online, so I agreed to his date. Before our date occurred, a guy who I used to like a couple years back reconnected with me and suggested perhaps we should give a date a try. So, I already have a date set up with a guy who I really don't know aside from FB conversation and text, while I'm being asked out by a different guy who I knew I liked in the past and actually knew on a more personal level. Is it wrong to accept a date from the 2nd guy too? I don't think so. However, because I did know this 2nd guy, I also knew that he wasn't looking for anything serious and mostly was just wanting to have "some fun," and so I declined the date with him regardless. I do take relationships very seriously and I will not continue to date someone I don't see potential with, which I can usually tell pretty quickly. I've only had one boyfriend, and he was the only person I ever went on more than one date with. So, no I would not ever lead anyone on, but I also won't let myself get overly attached to a person in the beginning stages of dating, which are typically non-exclusive. In fact, with online dating most people are talking/flirting/dating multiple people, and are also aware that those people are likely doing the same. And it makes sense since you really don't know who these people are yet anyway. If you feel a strong spark with someone and see potential after some dates and getting to know them better, then that person is who you'd end up exclusively dating. Simple as that. I agree with many of you though that dating someone you've established friendship with should be exclusive even if not spoken. And poly-dating should only be in early stages if it happens; you don't always know who has potential and who doesn't before a date or two.
  5. Thanks! I'll have to give it a try!
  6. I can easily say that both genders can be attractive, but also know that I have never been sexually attracted to a woman. I can admire features, and think "Wow I want to have that" without it being anything even related to me actually wanting that woman. They're two completely different things. I'm comfortable enough to tell one of my close friends that she's gorgeous and her a** is looking good. But at the same time, I don't desire her or any part of her. Her looks do not excite me (which is implied with sexual attraction), as opposed to if I was actually sexually attracted to a man. To answer the question though, I would not be comfortable dating someone who was bisexual. That's my personal preference, and there is nothing wrong with that, just as it is everyone's personal preference to have no problem dating someone who was bisexual. To each his own.
  7. I'm moving to the Bay Area in a couple months to start my career in public accounting. My career is always top priority for me, but I'm hoping along the way I'll find someone either through work or through a friend. Once I finish the CPA exam (it eats up a lot of time but I hope to be finished by October or November) I'll definitely try to get out to more events, maybe I'll run into someone by chance. I'm open to trying online dating, but probably wouldn't do it for quite awhile. I don't have anything against online dating, but I'd rather have an interesting story to tell people about how I met my spouse
  8. Trying to Get Over a Break-Up

    Wow, our stories are more alike than you'd imagine! I also just went through a breakup last month, the first week of May, and unfortunately just days before our college graduation. He was my very first boyfriend, and we had also been dating for about a year. I'm very picky with who I want to be with and have always been very independent, so for me to have opened up to him and actually pursued a relationship was pretty amazing in and of itself. We both also loved each other very much, and still do. I can't even tell you how many times he said he wanted to marry me, even proposing to me once (though I turned it down saying it was too early for me). But he was Pre-Health, and this semester overwhelmed him beyond what he could take. He shut out everyone, and became very emotionally detached. We both knew we had to end it, but the breakup took a toll on both of us. I never saw him cry so hard (and myself as well) and we literally talked about it for hours, and then talked hours more the next day. Unlike you, we did not have a "clean breakup." We kept in contact and still do. We have tried unsuccessfully to work through things again a few times, but his emotional unavailability always seems to get back in the way, which is unfortunate since it never happened before this last semester. What you do really depends on what you want out of this. My ex doesn't know how to deal with his emotional detachment, it's a problem for him and is rooted in learned behavior from his childhood. I know that I'm most likely not the right person for him, but I also see the hurt he deals with from it and because I care about him and love him, I am trying to help him work through it as a friend. I'm going into this with an all-giving attitude, knowing that I cannot expect anything in return, but also knowing that I would do this for any person who I cared about and who needed help. Do you feel like you can better him in some way by talking? Sometimes having a friend who genuinely cares about us is what we need. But just know that if you start talking to him again with expectations of getting back together, you will most likely get hurt again. And I won't lie, it's hard to become friends with your ex, especially so soon after a breakup, but it's not impossible. Although it will likely take longer for you to completely move on. If you feel that you are both much better off distanced and not talking, best to continue doing that. These are just my thoughts, completely up to you what you do!
  9. For me, waiting is a personal decision. However it is not a requirement for me to have someone who is a virgin, or even necessarily thought about waiting before. My boyfriend was not a virgin, nor had he really thought about waiting. He even admitted that he'd probably have tried to get me to sleep with him at some point, if it weren't for the fact that he knew I was waiting and that it was important to me. He made me a promise early in our dating that he would wait until marriage if we got to that point, and he kept the promise. I think what I admire most is that, even if I had changed my mind about waiting and tried to beg him to sleep with me, that promise was important to him and he would have said that we need to wait. He and I still talk almost daily, and even now he tells me that I gave him a new perspective on sex that he hadn't thought about before, and he sees how it's something special. So maybe waiting was not something he planned on before, but it seems he now appreciates the idea of it even though we aren't together. That being said, I'm not out trying to find a virgin or waiter. Just knowing someone will give it a chance and wait for me, I think shows love and understanding.
  10. I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal out of this! I know I want to do the garter toss, AND I want my husband to get it off with his teeth First off it's not like they're panties. They don't even touch the woman's private area. And considering many women like to have this tradition photographed and would prefer to not flash either the photographer or any of the guests, most women do not wear their garters that high. Usually just above the knee so that no one sees anything they shouldn't and also so the groom can reach it easily. It's a fun tradition and I'm saddened that so many are calling it nasty when it isn't at all. Unless you consider lower thighs nasty.
  11. I've heard of a few people receiving crushes through the matchmaker app already. So, have you received any crushes yet, or sent any out? Had any matches? Don't name any names obviously, and crushes sent to yourself don't count either, (because I'm sure everyone's sent one to themselves anyway ) lol
  12. "Say something I'm giving up on you" *sings* Ahh good job guys! I'm a bit surprised this is the first podcast I've watched. I say we have a politically-centered podcast! haha jk... perhaps. I like the suggestion for a podcast on cohabitation and being single when everyone else is in a relationship/engaged/getting married. I think the latter specifically is something everyone faces (whether waiting or not) at some point in their lives. I think it would be good to do some podcasts also not necessarily related to waiting/marriage/similar topics. Sports, video games, animals, *ahem* winning things online lol. Anything is game, but I would only suggest throwing in these off-topics once in awhile, keep most of the podcasts on waiting and such.
  13. MBTI? (Myers Briggs)

    I'm an ENTJ. Explains why I'm in business
  14. Greetings!

    Welcome welcome!
  15. haha how about this? Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Aww when I fell from heaven? Boy: No. When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. No? Aww well, I tried anyway...
  16. Nice to meet everybody :)

    Welcome to the site Anna! Your picture is showing up crystal clear, you're very pretty!
  17. I think it would be harder to wait, for myself anyway, if I wasn't a Christian. Almost all of my family is Christian, and so I always had family support, and encouragement. I think my parents would be devastated if they found out I didn't wait, not that they really would need to know. Also, going to a predominantly Christian University, there is a lot of support there as well. Also I think if I wasn't a Christian, there would be at least a little less guilt if I were to mess up and not wait. That's just me though.
  18. Where would you like to be kissed?

    Oh I know! I don't know anyone else that reacts the same way. I can't even get a shoulder massage because it gets too close to my neck and I can't control myself! lol Funny story actually, I once took a self-defense class, and one day we were practicing defense against someone choking us. Every time my partner tried choking me I would crack up laughing! Not the best way of getting out of a choke-hold...
  19. I really don't think I could. Definitely not going into a marriage anyway. If something happened after marriage that made it impossible, then I'd be able to understand that and we'd have to find a way around it. However, I don't think anyone should ever purposely deprive their partner, husband or wife. If my husband ever for some reason just stopped wanting to be intimate, that would really hurt me and our marriage. I'd think that he no longer wanted me or loved me. Nope, couldn't do it.
  20. Where would you like to be kissed?

    THE NECK. Best place ever. Seriously, anyone dissing neck kisses shouldn't comment until they've tried it. My neck is also my most ticklish spot (and I'm a VERY ticklish person), but for some reason when there's kissing involved I don't react in that way. Also, shoulders is nice, and on the stomach. I'd actually say stomach comes after neck. Yeah, kissing is amazing
  21. Greetings and Salutations Everyone!

    Well it seems Nicole stole my thunder. I was also going to ask you if you'd heard of the Daughtry song. One of my favorites, but then again, many of his songs are. Great meeting you! I hope you find your superman.
  22. Step One: Introduction to NikiVCard

    Very nice to meet you, make yourself at home
  23. Why do girls act so shy?

    I used to be VERY shy. Like, I wouldn't even talk to my own grandma, or half of my other family, when I was really young. Of course, that extreme only lasted for the first few years of my childhood, but even still shyness was a part of my personality for the majority of my life. I had to make myself not be shy. I, like a few others have mentioned, realized that I was missing out by being so shy, on many things. I wasn't able to stand up for myself when I should have, I didn't have the confidence or the voice to make myself heard to my boss, supervisors, coworkers, teammates, and other students, nor did I have the ability to achieve some of my bigger goals, which would only be possible by coming out of my shell. It's a process that has taken me years to overcome, but I'm doing it. Even now, it's still a conscious effort, and there are some times when I still get that shyness creeping back in, but I have to push it away. To answer your question since I went off on a tangent, many girls are shy because it's just in our personality. I can talk to most anybody now, even strangers, with confidence. But I have my moments of feeling shy around a guy I might like. It's more random than anything for me
  24. If you could have one wish...

    There's so many things that I could just wish into being, no effort necessary. But thinking about it, many, if not most, of those things could also be achieved with hard work, motivation, and time. I don't want the world to just fall into my hands, I want to be able to say that I earned what I have. So to answer your question, my one wish would be for the health, growth, and happiness of my family and friends, because those are things that aren't always so easy to come by. That is my wish.