Chris Loke

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About Chris Loke

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    Singing and learning languages
  1. Dealing with Ambivalence [help]

    Hey all, if anyone would be kind enough to read the rather long text that is about to follow, I really do need some advice on matters concerning ambivalence. I'm a 20 year old male and just over two weeks ago, I met this girl, who is a year younger, at a rock concert. We happened to be next to each other and naturally I introduced myself to her, and from there, I managed to get her number after having drinks with her, her brother and my friends after the concert. The next day, I texted her and from there, we started to talk to each other. I asked her out on the third day of texting and it was not until a week later that we went out for ice cream at night. I picked her up from her apartment in my car and we talked over ice cream. It felt unbelievable because here's this girl that i just recently met and we could talk incessantly. After ice cream, we went to a nearby park by a river, sat down somewhere and talked some more. The whole thing lasted till 330am (we met at 9pm) and I sent her home after. After that date (or what i thought it was), we began talking to each other daily, and having night calls till late at night. We went out two more times, and both, it felt like we were on a date, getting to know each other more. Sometimes she would playfully touch me or make my hair, which i thought were examples of good signs that she was at least interested in me. By this time (2 weeks in), i was pretty sure that she's pretty interested in me. Yet, there were times where i could sense some ambivalence in her; sometimes it was like i felt that she was not sure if she liked me. It was due to this ambivalence that i decided that on the fourth time we meet, i had to straighten some things out and find out more about where this relationship between us is heading. So, i asked her out again, this time for lunch, and we went somewhere nice to eat and talked about our day and other stuff. After lunch, we went to the rooftop garden of the mall and found a rather private place (near the railing of the building that overlooked a great view) to stand and admire the view. After a while, i decided to ask her about her ambivalence. We talked about it for quite a bit, and basically from what she said, she feels that she is not as excited and enthused as she should be (yet she said it might be because of her innate character to not feel excited and enthused about anything even with other people) and that she did not want a long distance relationship since i would be leaving for another country in a year to study for 3 years, and that she did not want me to leave my country with someone behind. I told her that we should focus on the present and not think about the future, meaning to say that if she had any feelings for me, we should still take a chance and go for it, since we can't predict the future. She then said she was ambivalent about her feelings towards me and that she enjoys hanging out with me and talking to me, but has not really figured me out and that we just met two weeks ago. I asked her if the past few times we went out together were dates and she kept turning the question on me and asking if I thought they were dates. I said that i meant them as dates and asked if she wanted me to move on and stay. She then said that she was willing to go on dates with me but she could not promise if she would like me or not, and that if we would get together or not. We then went home and after contemplating for two hours, I called her and told her that we should let things remain as it was and that i was too rash in asking her about serious stuff so early on and that we should continue going on dates and stuff and if things don't work out or she figures that she doesn't really like me, then at least she knows that i care about her, even if it meant as a friend. She was okay with it and I have not contacted her so far again (this was an hour before i posted this thread). It may seem that the obvious thing to do now is to just pretend things would return to normal and we would start texting and going out again, but i'm in a dilemma about what to do about the relationship between us. I really need some advice on this from the ladies in this forum, thanks! Chris
  2. Ladies, need some advice here! (long story)

    Hey guys! An update on the situation here: Okay so i've just made the effort to talk to her after class; i broke the silence after a week plus of not talking to her after class (we still talk a bit during class). So..... You were right, ladies! She does not want to commit to dating now because she's going away and that she broke up with her previous boyfriend earlier on in the year due to it being a long distance relationship. However, i did ask her whether she would date me if she didn't need to go away, and she said yes genuinely. From what i can tell, I do think that she really thought that i was a great guy and very possibly liked me but it's just the fact that this would be a long distance r/s for 6 months plus if we were to date that she rejected my offers to go on dates. Near the end, she said in a shy manner that she might change her mind (who knows) and maybe persistence might pay off. Yeah, so basically, i guess we are cool for now and we could talk and stuff now. My plans would be to just talk to her after class for the remaining 7 lessons and maybe invite her to a gig that i would be singing at with my band (would dedicate a song to her - her favourite song). Perhaps have a serious talk at the last lesson, who knows. Thanks for the advice! Would appreciate any further advice!
  3. Ladies, need some advice here! (long story)

    haha guys, i appreciate that yea, i will find other fishes in the sea in the future. But i'm still going to pursue this girl, albeit now i will just stay as friends for now. Am going to have a talk one-to-one after class this thursday, shall see how things go!
  4. Ladies, need some advice here! (long story)

    Hey debg! Is your name Deborah? Haha what a coincidence!
  5. Ladies, need some advice here! (long story)

    Thanks for the advice! Knowing that she had to leave for 6 months next year, I did think long and hard about pursuing her, but after deciding that, hey she's really different from all the other girls i have met so far in life, i chose to pursue her. I did have my fair share of relationship struggles the past 2 years, and you could say that i've passed that phase of life where guys tend to hit on girls who are attractive, pretty etc just for the sake of it. Even though a month plus of interacting with this girl may not be considered that long, but it really gave me a pretty good picture of this particular person that i've chanced upon (it was really totally random that i got to even meet her). I'm pretty sure i'm not going to give up yet, and do intend to go about talking to her for a last time just before she quits the class at the end of December. I won't be expecting much but if she does indicate any form of interest in perhaps being more than friends in any case, I'm hopping on a flight to Vietnam next year in March or April for a few days. After all, she won't be there permanently. If not, well, it's just sad that fate brought us together but nothing could develop out of it, and i would be moving on with life.
  6. Hello!

    Hello everyone! I'm 19 this year, and currently living on the small island of Singapore. I came upon this forum and found some really awesome advice on matters of the heart. Presently, i am serving the army (conscripted soldier) and would be moving to the UK for undergraduate studies in 2015. I do find myself in favor of waiting till marriage, and still finding that special one, whoever she may be, though i do like someone right now and that she's rather amazing in my eyes. However, i'm still finding it hard to progress with her and pretty much caught in a dilemma (if you have any advice, do help me out at the thread i posted in the ask the girls section, thanks!) For hobbies, I'm very much into music, especially singing and am currently in a rock band, doing gigs and stuff. I love travelling as well, and learning new languages. Currently, i'm learning French and Russian simultaneously, and could speak English, Chinese and Korean. Looking forward to being part of this forum, Chris
  7. Ladies, need some advice here! (long story)

    Thanks ladies! To OneHappyGirl, yes I did ask her if she had a boyfriend early on, and she told me she's not attached, that's why i went on with her. She's 22, and just finished her undergraduate studies in the UK, so, i do think she's more of an independent. She did tell me before that her parents were indeed strict when she was still studying but now it's better. Haha, she does know that i have a life outside of her, because every time we talked after class, she would be asking about the things i did prior that day, and i would tell her stuff. Haha, she probably knows that i'm interested in her weeks back... It's just so disappointing when she does not reply you, even when the "supposed" date is like today... To be honest, i think maybe it's the age gap (3 years!) that may be a factor? And that she's going off to Vietnam for a considerable amount of time that may be stopping her from progressing further with me. Like i said, she's really smart and might be just thinking hard about her options..
  8. Ladies, need some advice here! (long story)

    Hey Kailey! Thanks for taking the time to read the post! I was thinking about being straight with her, perhaps sometime near the last 2 weeks of lessons. I just don't understand why she would rather leave me hanging than to just give me some answer, sigh. We actually do know somewhat much about each other already at this point....even if she just treats me as a friend.
  9. Hey, I just discovered this forum and found out that there's really good advice from the people here. I hope someone could help me out with this girl that I like Bear with me as I explain my predicament! I'm 19 years old right now, living in an Asian society where sometimes girls tend to be more conservative with relationship matters. A month plus ago, i met this girl in my Russian language class. She's 22 years old, fresh from a British university, and is really smart and attractive. Instantly, I was mesmerized by her at our first class together. To spare you some details, i would like to think that there was mutual attraction as we constantly met each other's eyes and gave smiles and the like during class. After class, as I was walking towards the train station, I saw her walk past me, and I called out to her. We were walking side by side and talking for the whole journey home, since she lives at the train stop ahead of me. It felt really good as the conversation never stopped, and she kept asking me questions. Grabbing the opportunity, I asked for her number and she gave it to me. I see her twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) and soon, we started going home together after class. On the second week, I asked her out casually the first time through the phone for lunch but she said she could not come. I was rather surprised actually that she didn't accept my lunch offer, as I thought that she was rather interested in me (judging from our interactions together). At that time, I was determined to get her. I treated like I didn't ask her out for lunch and continued talking for another week. Then, I asked her out again, this time it was for some Halloween event. I asked her after our class, when we were sitting next to each other on the train, talking. I made it quite clear that I wanted to go with her as i had two free tickets to the event, and i noticed that she got rather nervous when she told me that she might have something on, and that she will let me know again on Monday. Well, she did not get back to me, until the day before the event, when i decided to ask her again. She replied rather late, with some long reply saying that she couldn't make it due to work and that maybe I could ask someone else to take her spot. I just replied something along the line of "It's cool". The next lesson came and I started to be a little colder to her. I was on the verge of giving her up (keep in mind that i had the thought that she was someone that pretty much fitted my ideal girl checklist) but after class, she came up and walked with me after class. We chatted like nothing happened and all those "good" signs came out again. However, i pretty much let her lead the conversation; she kept asking me questions about personal stuff like my favorite music/food and religion and all that, and i just gave her answers. After that day, i told myself maybe i should not give up on this girl. She might be worth the persistence. So, another week passed and the latest lesson we had together was rather different, at least in my eyes. During class, our teacher asked her to say something in Russian and as she was speaking, she glanced at my direction (I was sitting opposite her). I looked into her eyes and held eye contact with her for quite a while. At last, she broke it with a smile and i'm pretty sure she blushed. That was just one of the things i noticed that may potentially be a good sign during class. After class, we went home together again, and we talked as per normal. Just before her stop, however, she suddenly asked me about my plans for the weekend. Not thinking much at that time, i told her, "nothing much", and asked her about hers. She said that her friends were all busy and that she probably would be resting at home. It was only after we said goodbyes and all that, when i thought that, hey, i should have just asked her out on the weekends. I thought about that idea for really long, and sent her a text, asking if she wanted to go catch a movie on Saturday together. Now, i'm beginning to regret asking her out (for the third time...) as it is already Friday night now and still, she did not reply me. I'm pretty sure that she has seen it and here I am, wondering what to do. Should I really move on and just assume that whatever "good signs" were just me over thinking? Or should i persist and just assume nothing happened the next lesson, and continue talking to her? Here's me hoping that at least we could make some progress together and I'm struggling to find a game plan, other than just continuing talking for the next month and then see her fade into obscurity. P.S Perhaps another thing to consider would be the fact that she's going to Vietnam in 2 months to work at some charity for 6 months, and that she won't be continuing the class after December.