XD005

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About XD005

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  • Birthday 12/29/1992

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    Los Angeles, CA

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  1. Your right, it is important to believe similar things. Ironically, I've actually never met a girl who really repented for having sex or chose to recommit herself for marriage. Maybe that is why I don't seem to ever feel any different. None of the women I've met feel the same way about sex that I do. But, It is indeed an emotional thing. With these women, I always hold back a part of myself I've noticed so it's hard to really develop any deep feelings. Probably because what happened with my first girlfriend... But thats not fair to any of these women at all. I've always tried to force myself to accept that partners have a past cause I've heard nothing but "get over it" from everyone aside from the people on here. It is best to find someone likeminded. Thanks though for the advice.
  2. I was not clear in my original post. I'm fine with a girl who has done other types of sex. Vaginal sex would not be okay for me. But I can say I haven't done that with complete confidence. That's always been my hard limit/boundary. I just ask that my mate not have gone all the way. I could care less about other things. Anyway, I'm back with this woman. I need to break up with her because she is completely toxic for me. She isn't trying to wait and tries constantly to get me to go all the way with her. If I stay, one day I'm probably going to go all the way and totally burn my bridge. Thanks for the advice, Innocence. I found your answer the most helpful, not to say any of the other advice wasn't good either. I know what I have to do and I need to do it quick.
  3. So, I think I may have made a topic a bit ago about a slip up I had. I was going through a serious lack of faith and had a case of the eff-its. In a previous relationship, my partner had a sexual past and in contrast to my lack of one, It tore me up inside. Fast forward, we're not longer together and I met this girl who I ended Up doing a lot more than I wanted to with. In my lack of faith and belief I would find someone who was on the same level as me, I didn't say no, she was a bit manipulative but yeah. Long story short, I ended up doing everything but the dictionary definition of actual intercourse, but yeah, hit pretty much all the other bases and I felt horrible when we broke up. Although we never had actual sex, it's a Grey area if I can even still call myself a virgin. But the whole thing is, I did have some feelings for her. I found out she had a one night stand after we broke up and then I learned that my mate having a past is still something I can't handle emotionally but now with me debatably still being a virgin, is something I may have to deal with which worries me. How can I demand my mate be a virgin when I might not be one in her eyes. So yeah, advice please guys?
  4. Thanks, all of you for the advice. You are definitely right. Those are all things I had lost sight of. After fighting to protect your virginity or temptation for so long, sometimes you can have a tendency to lose sight of the why or more-so that becomes your identity. It all came at a moment of weakness. Instead of focusing on the things I messed up on, I should be focusing on the things I still haven't done that my wife and I can still do for the first time. Again, thank you all for the advice. I'm going to focus on improving myself now and getting ready for when I do meet the right one. Hopefully, I can start talking to girls soon. lol
  5. Recently, I had a major slip up. I'm not even too sure if I can still call myself a virgin. Anyway, I dated this girl recently purely because I was really lonely at the time and needed some company, going places. Anyway, she ended up convincing me to do a lot of things. Basically touched all the bases and did everything aside from actually putting it in where it counts. Anyway, we're not together anymore and I feel really bad about it. I don't whether to call myself a virgin or not anymore. I'm just really disappointed in myself that I let that happen. I was feeling really discouraged at the time so I guess it was just bad timing. I just need advising forgiving myself and moving on.
  6. Thank you, Geraldine. You've definitely got some good points there. I have definitely got to stop being mad at god. I realized today, I was pretty upset with the situation and had to catch myself. I suppose the best thing to do would be to pray for direction. I'm getting more messages online so I suppose that's a start. Lol but anyway, great advice.
  7. Hello everyone, I've made a similar topic on this subject before but I wanted to elaborate a bit. I'll try not to vent too much on here and just get to the point. Anyway though, I'm just having such a tough time continuing to wait until marriage. I've developed some bad habits in the process. I won't get until detail here to keep it PG rated. But basically, the loneliness is just really hitting me hard. I've tried doing more things to take my mind off it. I bought a season pass to Six Flags, Knotts, and I'll soon have one for Universal. But it really doesn't make me feel much better as I often do everything alone as I have no reliable friends or really any that I can stand being with for a long time. As messed up as that sounds. Lol But don't get me wrong, I enjoy my own company. I've found ways to make myself feel "less lonely". But I always end up noticing couples holding hands and all that stuff and it saddens me that I've tried for so long with no luck. The women I have talked to and dated were not waiting until marriage. That is a big deal breaker for me. I've met one who was a virgin but I don't have any feelings for her and she has no desire to wait until marriage anyway. In a strange way, I was feeling more alone until I remembered this website and at lease I know I'm not alone in my struggles. Anyway moving on, I've come to the realization that I just need to start talking to girls. Maybe one of them won't ignore me and will actually be interested in talking to me and we're perfect for each other. The problem is, I'm terrified of talking to women. I've had some horrible experiences with them in the past and I just need some help and advice getting over that. I realize if I continue this path of not actively seeking them out and wasting my time with online dating, I'll probably never get married. So yeah, any tips, advice, or the like?
  8. For me, braces and a women with long fingers is like the most cutest thing ever. Lol probably a first on here.
  9. What You Want vs. God's Will

    In response to your answers, it's funny God always reminds me the REAL reason I'm not with my ex. I feel if we were ment to be together, she would have stuck around for the long haul. Everytime I think it's solely because of her past. Last time we hung out, she embarrassed me by cursing loudly while we were playing Laser Tag. We definitely have differing views on sex, out the clear blue sky she started talking about how she couldn't wait til' she got married so she can have tons of sex without feeling bad. I mean that is certainly good she's thinking about doing the right thing but I don't like how casually she says that. Additionally, she also is not very strong in the faith. That's not something I need being my faith wavers at times, myself. So I guess I shall continue my search. I'm still praying the lord will send me the type of woman I desire, that has also saved herself for me. I understand we don't wait because it's just what you should do but because we want to honor the lord with our bodies but I can't help but feel upset at the thought of marrying someone who didn't wait for me. But I guess we shall see what's in store. I do thank you all for the insight. It gives me a lot to think about.
  10. What You Want vs. God's Will

    We are not dating. We're friends.I don't have any friends so I decided to strike her up and meet, not because I want to date her or whatever. Those feelings resurfaced. But I guess im just doomed to a life of being single. And Blind&Broken, I've certainly tried to look at her in that light.
  11. Hello everyone. Firstly, let me say that I apologize for bringing up all topics however, I've noticed that this is the only place I can discuss this topic where people actually understand how I feel. I can't even talk to my patents and family about it. They just dismiss it and my feelings and say that it isn't a big deal and get over it. Anyway, I posted a topic here back in 2013 about my ex being practically my ideal woman but not being a virgin. Me being a virgin, I couldn't handle it emotionally. Well, would you believe, almost 3 years later, it's still a problem. I've talked to a small handful of girls since then, they didn't quite work out for a variety of reasons. Some of them were also non virgins. Long story short, my ex and I decided to meet not too long ago, feelings seemed to rekindle almost instantly and we ended up meeting an additional number of times. And now im realizing that what if God desires me to be with this woman? I know he does not always give you what you want but why would he allow me to have these types of feelings? She's recently changed her stance on her past. We actually had a brief emotional moment, realizing we had to step back. I can see she has genuine regret now but Im just having such trouble getting over it and im really trying. What do you guys think?
  12. Should Men Give Up Porn?

    Yeah, thats kind of the way I look at it. The real difference with using your imagination and using porn is pretty much just the fact that the person actually exists in the real world. When your using your imagination your really kind of doing the same thing.You'd generally imagine a person I presume. It's still lust in that sense, just with an imaginary person. But you know its' really kind of interesting to me how culture has shifted towards this way. Makes me wonder how things were done in the older days, I guess then you just found somebody you liked and got married.
  13. Should Men Give Up Porn?

    Well this is really embarrassing and awkward but I'm going to be completely honest here. As a chronic porn-watcher, I can say its actually helped me in some ways. I'm not going to be that guy and say that men have needs, blah, blah, blah. But I will say for some people, myself included, have a lot of pent-up sexual tension. Heck, I didn't get my first kiss until I was 18 and then I waited 3 years after that for another. It's good to sorta have something to look at to stop yourself from going out and doing something stupid. Sure its not good and its not healthy to watch porn but its better than going out and having sex just because you have some pent-up tension. Sure, in an ideal world, if I was married, I'd kick the porn habbit in a heartbeat. I honestly don't feel that it'd be TOO hard giving up. But I try to look at realistic things whenever possible in fear that it'll be an issue when I'm married. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go awkwardly run in a corner and pretend I didn't just say this...
  14. Emotional Unavailability

    I wanted to add on this. I'm guilty of being emotionally unavailable as well. Assuming I understand your definition correctly. A lot of times, I meet a girl, they'll be really into me, and seems like them ore they're into me, the more stand-off-ish I get. Basically, its like the opposite. Not really because I feel the need to be a jerk but because I've had a lot of disappointments in my love-life, you can almost say I have a tendency to use it as a defense mechanism, because I don't want to be hurt again. Knowing full-well, the girl can often be trusted, that's something I just do without thinking about it, it's weird. Basically in a nutshell, you could say it is EXTREMELY hard for me to open up emotionally to anyone. Man, woman, anything. So I understand you completely.
  15. In response to your list about VirginsList, I honestly wish something like that existed. Would make my search for companionship easier. Anyway to respond to your original post, I am also a virgin. For me its more of a personal thing. I learned recently just how important it is for my wife to share my views on sex. To me, its always been a struggle saving myself and not to say that anyone who has fallen off the path is bad or anything because it certainly takes courage to rise back up when you fall and even more to continue going the path, afterward. But I've learned that it isn't something I can emotionally deal with. Thinking of the possibility that my future spouse might feel the same way, I think I'm obligated to wait for her the same way I feel she is obligated to wait for me. Plus, I can't even begin to imagine how amazing that would make the relationship.