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About emily1030

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 10/30/1990

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  • Gender
  • Location
    North Carolina
  • Interests
    I'm saving myself for three main reasons.

    God created sex for marriage and I want to experience it the way He intended.
    I want to give my future husband that gift he deserves.
    I want to share such an emotional experience with only one man.

    I have a wonderful fiancé who supports my decision and has joined me in this journey that he also believes is the way God intended.

    Finally being in the home stretch of this waiting journey, I'm so glad to be part of this community and encourage others to also save something so intimate for one special person.

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  1. Engagement Ring Stone

    I am very traditional, so to me, an engagement ring should have a diamond. I know that in the past, there have been other engagement gift traditions that the man would give to his fiancé, but in our current time, Diamonds are the typical stone. Some other women like alternatives because they want to be unique. But I love the traditional diamond. I also just love how sparkly they are and the symbolism of their strength. Also, I feel like they "go" with anything. If I had a pink or blue stone, I would always feel that it didn't match with the rest of my attire, lol.
  2. I think you need to sit down with him and discuss this situation. Obviously, in the past, he has had extremely different views about life/relationships/sex. Find out if he still believes those same things or has changed his ways. I mean, does he truly now agree with your decision to wait, or is he just doing it because he "has" to for you? If his values are still so different from your own, I don't think it is a good idea to continue the relationship. This guy is much older than you, and it makes complete sense that you are sad that you won't be able to share firsts with him. I dated someone with a child and I was sad for the same reasons. I broke up with him and found someone (now my fiancé) who everything makes soooo much more sense with. We will get to share those firsts together and he respects and agrees with the morals I brought into the relationship. Just be careful and don't let the fluttery feelings of your relationship cloud the reality of it all.
  3. I actually did date someone breifly who had a daughter. He was never married, but had been with his daughter's mother for quite awhile in his past. That relationship ended badly because of our views on waiting until marriage, not because of his daughter. Looking back now though. I'm glad it didn't work out. I'm now engaged to someone who doesn't have children yet, and I'm so beyond excited to share the joy of a family with him for the first time, for both of us. Had I stayed with my ex, our child would have been his second child and we would never experience the firsts together. Now, I'm 26, if I were older, my opinions might change, because it gets much more difficult to find someone without kids in your 40s and up.
  4. I agree that you shouldn't be trying to change someone, but I think it is healthy to share your beliefs with a potential romantic partner, and they can decide if they feel the urge to change theirs as well. There are many people who have just been brought up in life without the role models to show them this kind of lifestyle and when you share your beliefs with them, their eyes may be opened to a lifestyle they had never considered before, but actually desire deep down.
  5. Sleeping in the Same Bed

    Haha, I know, our boundaries are a little different than some others on this site, but we're managing to sleep in the same bed and not "sleep together." As hard as it may be sometimes. Snoring probably would have been the most difficult for me to deal with, considering I like a quiet room. The reading is a really good idea. We have read in bed before but never as a means to fall asleep. But now thinking back on it, we both did get pretty tired. That might be something to try again. Thanks for the idea!
  6. We had been dating 2.5 years when he proposed and our engagement will be just under 1.5 years. So just about 4 years total of dating. Its a pretty long time, considering we're waiters, but we also aren't rushing into it, which I think is good.
  7. I met my fiancé on OKCupid Its crazy because that was 4 years ago and were just friends for the first year or so. It doesn't feel like we met online anymore.
  8. Luckily, I don't really get any direct criticism for my choice to wait, but you can sure find a lot of it on the internet. The sexual incompatibility argument is silly. If you have good communication with your significant other beforehand and know what you'll be in to, I don't see a problem. That one is so annoying. The argument that I've seen a lot lately that really bothers me is: "Why are we putting so much value on a woman's virginity?" They think its some kind of creepy, unnatural thing. It makes me sad, because, number 1, we're putting value on both a man's and woman's virginity. And number 2, virginity to us isn't just the lack of the physical act, but also the intimate connection. Its something we see value in. I cannot imagine choosing to have that connection with someone who I am not committed to and worrying that I may someday move on and have that connection with someone else. I think we just all really want to have that real, true love with our spouse and feel so connected as each other's one and only. The decision of waiting until marriage is so misunderstood these days. Everyone just wants instant gratification in so many areas of life. The art of patience is completely lost in our wold.
  9. Sleeping in the Same Bed

    That illustration is actually super true, haha. My fiancé and I do sleep in the same bed a few times a week, and I can say from experience that that describes it perfectly. When you first start sleeping in a bed with someone, you are hyper-aware of all of your movements and sounds and all of theirs, which makes it difficult to sleep soundly. But after a few weeks/months, you sort of fall into a routine and feel much more comfortable. We're lucky in the fact that neither of us snores, or tosses and turns, and we're both pretty light sleepers. But one big difference in our sleeping habits that took us awhile to compromise on is that, before we were together, he used to always sleep with his tv/computer on (playing youtube videos, etc) to help him fall asleep. And I have always fallen asleep in silence. It took us awhile to find a solution to this issue, but we discovered Sleep Phones, which are tiny headphones built into a soft headband that he can wear when he sleeps. So we can both sleep the way we want now. From my experience, it takes awhile to get used to sleeping with someone but once you've got it figured out, it feels just as natural as when you were sleeping by yourself. Plus you've got someone to snuggle up to whenever the urge arises
  10. I generally agree with this, but don't think its the "rule" for all relationships where the man wasn't originally waiting. In other words, I don't believe this kind of thinking should completely deter you from considering someone who isn't waiting in the same way that you are. Here is my reason: My fiancé wasn't planning on waiting until marriage before he met me. But, he was planning on waiting until he was truly in love and committed to someone (which he hadn't been yet). As he got to know me, first as friends and then as a significant other, I was able to explain to him why I valued the idea of waiting the extra step of marriage. Really, our ideals were similar but mine were just a bit more strict and spiritually/religiously based. And he now sees and understands that. While I don't think he'll ever feel AS strongly about it as I do, I know that he is 100% committed to these beliefs and the benefits it will bring to our marriage. I don't feel like he's waiting for me. I feel like he's waiting WITH me. We discuss frequently why this path will do good for us, and I know that he believes this now too. So yeah, if you meet someone who's slept around and doesn't originally see any benefit to waiting, but then agrees to wait for you even though he doesn't agree, that might pose some issues. But if you meet someone who has similar beliefs on the subject and can see themselves shifting your way a bit, then it becomes more of a partner effort. You're in it together, encouraging each other and you both understand why you're making the decisions you make.
  11. I haven't read the other comments yet, so I apologize if I'm repeating what anyone else already said. I just want to give my initial thoughts. I don't think that your desires are at all irrational. I think MANY of us feel the same way. The idea of knowing that you and your spouse have only ever loved each other is a very emotionally intimate thing, and something you'd be lucky to have. However, I think you should look at it as a bonus, rather than a quality to search for. If you spend your efforts looking for that girl who has zero baggage, you may pass by someone else who has been in love before, but has SO MUCH more love and compatibility to give to you. More than the girl who hasn't been in love yet. There are so many other aspects to a relationship that will contribute even more to a wonderful life together. If you meet someone who has loved before, yes, they will have those memories, but that does not mean that they cannot fully commit to you and love you even more than they loved before. They are no longer with that other person for a reason. If you and she are truly compatible, you'll view your love for each other as magical. On the other hand, you could pass up opportunities to girls who have a history, and instead meet someone who has never loved before, have a decent relationship, but never feel fully appreciated. You could hold onto that relationship, clinging to the sweet fact that you are each other's "only loves" and feel like its enough, but never really know the magic you had the potential to experience.I have a bit of experience with this. My first relationship was with someone who had never been in love, kissed, been sexually intimate, held hands, etc. I was 21 and he was 24. It was wonderful for us to experience some of those firsts together. It felt like we really had a bond and connection because of that. For awhile, it did feel amazing. Eventually, we questioned some of our compatibility. I struggled with those feelings, because I felt so connected to him with our firsts, and probably would have stayed in the relationship because of that, but he pushed just slightly harder for a breakup, so we did. I mourned the loss of that connection we had as firsts. I knew that I would never be able to have that connection with someone else since I would never have another first relationship. But then I met my current boyfriend. He was 27 and I was 23 when we started our relationship. He'd been in love before. He even had a small sexual history. But he also has more love to give me than probably anyone could. He cares and loves so, and I mean SO SO much more than my first relationship. We don't have the bond of being each other's first loves and relationships, but we are a million times more compatible in other areas, and that means so much more. And we both view our relationship as much healthier than the other's we've had. So we are definitely each other's first in that. We've been together for over 2 years and it honestly feels like we complete each other. It really feels magical. We look at our pasts and realize that they have shaped who we are and brought us together. I look back at my first relationship and realize I wouldn't be nearly as happy if I'd stayed with him. Things just feel "right" now. We may not be each other's first in some areas, but we are confident we will be each other's ONLY from now, until eternity, and you might realize that thats even more special So what I'm saying is that, yes it is special to be with your first love, but don't list it as a prerequisite, but rather a bonus if you happen to find it. You could miss out on something truly amazing if you hold onto that dream that could lead to something just "good" but not really "great."You'll find her. She's out there looking for you too.
  12. I have dated 3 men in my life. The first was a waiter when I met him and we both came from a similar religious background. We met randomly on a site that had nothing to do with waiting or religion. We broke up for reasons not related to waiting. The second was not a waiter. I met him at work, and we ended things literally because he could not agree to wait. That was tough knowing that was the reason. Be sure to bring up a life decision as important as that early in a relationship. Thats a mistake we made. We only dated 2 months, but I wish I would have brought it up earlier. The third is my current boyfriend. Before meeting me, he was not strictly a waiter, but he had opinions about waiting for sex longer than the average person, so it was an easy transition for him to respect my desires to wait until marriage and even understand and agree with my reasoning. We met on OkCupid, and because of the questions the site asks you, he already knew going into our first date, that I felt that way. We've been together 2 years and we have a very respectful and understanding relationship with each other. We try to always get on the same page. So, in summary. You can find waiters everywhere. But if you find someone and you're not sure if they are, your best bet is to make sure that lifestyle choice is on the table early on in the relationship (not necessarily the first few dates, but early). That way, you won't set yourself up for disappointment if you figure out later on that he can't deal with it and respect you.
  13. Warning: Phishing site

    I've been unable to get on the site for the last few weeks due to this. If I clicked "ignore warning" it would still not allow me to visit the site. Discovered today that on Safari, you can go to "Preferences" then "Security" and then uncheck "Warn when visiting fraudulent website." The browser let me through after that.
  14. I was baptized Lutheran but I would now call myself a non-denominational or interdenominational Christian, meaning I don't adhere to one specific denomination. I used to date someone who was Catholic, and when we would talk about marriage, we would realize the issues that might arise. He really wanted me to convert if we were to get married, but I really wasn't feeling like that was something I wanted to do. Also, the issue of raising children with parents who practiced different versions of Christianity was worrisome to me. Our relationship ended for other reasons, but looking back, I'm not sure how we would have dealt with all of that. I am now dating someone who is on the same page as I am with his beliefs and I feel much more calm about our future. I think marrying someone outside of your denomination is possible and could be successful, but only if you could completely accept the fact that you will never fully agree on some aspects of your faith. For many, it would probably be best to be with someone on the same page.
  15. I have a weird thing about forearms and hands, especially the bone that connects the thumb to the hand. I like it when its really pronounced. Always have, and I don't know why, haha.