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Posts posted by Alex

  1. Girl and boy are gender. You either see yourself as a boy or a girl. Sex is male or female. Someone can be biologically a male and see themselves as a girl, and a female can see themselves as a boy. A gender neutral person doesn't identify with either boy or girl, though they still technically have a sex. I can kind of see where virjizz is coming from. Our girls only and guys only sections do favor gender over sex. For zir, to join one of these sections would be to identify with one gender over the other. 


    As for a gender neutral section, I see nothing wrong with it. I don't know many people who identify as gender neutral, but as with everything else I am very accepting of the idea. As for a gender neutral section, if more people wished for it I don't see why to not have one. As with the guys and girls, I suspect gender neutrals have their own issues they would want to talk about. I also think it would be interesting for virjizz, if ze was comfortable with it, to start up a ask a gender neutral topic for us to ask questions about gender neutral, since most of us aren't very exposed to gender neutrality and don't know very much about it. That way we could learn more about zir life and perspective.

    2 people like this

  2. Yeah, consummating the marriage is having sex for the first time in marriage. In some cultures it is a really big deal. I've read things that in some cultures that if a couple hasn't consummated their marriage, it can be grounds for divorce. Like said before in those cultures, a marriage is not a marriage until sex has happened. I think that for the most part in American culture, it is assumed that sex happens the first night of marriage. Plus, consummation is a big deal for the most part in America. Most couples have sex long before marriage, so why would consummation be a big deal?

  3. I think it's sad that people make fun of people with autism. People with autism are some of the smartest people. I have heard of several people who made major contribution to the world, such as Temple Grandin. Though I don't have autism, I do have trouble  socially. It is hard for me to socialize. As hard as it is try not to get nervous or overthink what to say to people when talking to them. Just let it flow naturally, and it will flow naturally if just let it. I know it can be hard to read social situations, but try to tune into people's body language to know when to stop going on about a subject. Use your autism as your strength, not your weakness. But honestly if your okay with not socializing, then who cares. If your happy, that should be all that matters.

  4. To be honest I don't really care. So long as they are okay with waiting, whether it be for me or for themselves. I'm not looking to change them. If they wish to have sex in a relationship after we break up, I don't care. The one thing I won't be able to stand is someone who sleeps around. They have think sex is somewhat special, and not some recreational activity who you can do with anyone and everyone. As for sexual history, I can forgive them if they have had sex before, but only if they have had sex in a serious relationship. I don't want to date someone who says I love you, but as soon as we break up, sleeps with 10 girls because they have been "deprived" of sex.

  5. This comes from Olympic runner Lolo Jones. "It's just something, a gift that I want to give to my husband. But please understand this journey has been hard. If there's virgins out there, I just want to let them know, it’s the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Harder than training for the Olympics, harder than graduating from college, has been to stay a virgin before marriage.â€


    I think it really encompasses what we waiters go through. There is always constant pressure on us to have sex. People don't understand why we wait, and they constantly trying to get us to take it to the next level, whether it be our friends who aren't waiting or somebody we are in a relationship with. But, it will be worth it.


    Anyways, here is also an article on people who waited until at least their 20's to have sex, though not all waited until marriage and some are still waiting.


    5 people like this

  6. I don't think it is ever okay to say I love you, but I'm not in love with you. It just sends mixed messages. On one end it may seem like a cop out such as "it's not you, it's me.". You're trying to make yourself not feel as bad for breaking up with someone by trying to be easy on their feelings and giving them a false sense of hope. In some ways you make them feel like there is still a chance you will come back to them, and that you only need some space. Then there is the whole thing of if you actually do mean it. It is nearly impossible to remain friends after a break-up. Not saying it can't be done, just saying it extremely hard. At first they still may have all the same feelings for you, and then you may actually go back to being "in love" with them. This back and forth of feelings could go on forever, making the friendship even more complicated. If they know there is no feelings and the romantic part of the relationship is gone, I wouldn't tell them I love you, especially if you are saying it for the first time. Once again, mixed signals. Traditionally, breaking up is not a time to tell someone you love them. I think it would be the most appropriate to tell them you really care about them, but that you just don't see the relationship moving forward. Then don't talk to them for awhile(or ever again, depending on the situation) so that both of you can recover and move on.

    1 person likes this

  7. I think it really depends on the situation. What would their motivation be? The higher the motivation, the more likely they are to to lie. I would say people are just as likely to lie about their virginity as they are about anything else. In this day and age I don't see the point, it is highly acceptable. I would be more worried about my future kid lying to me that they are a virgin than someone I'm dating. It is more likely someone is going to say they are not a virgin, than to say they are a virgin. It seems that people are prone to make fun of someone who is a virgin, so why would someone who isn't subject themselves to that. The only situations I could see that someone lying about being a virgin is when in church or if they were in to someone who is a virgin and wanted to make them like them. 

    1 person likes this

  8. The story did sound fishy at first. From the moment you told him you were waiting, I think he saw you as a conquest, and not as a person to get into a future relationship with. He knew he wasn't going to get it from you right away so he switched into charm mode, made you think he was different. My red flag would have been when you asked him what you were and said he only gets "exclusive " with people who he has sex with. At that point, he was straight up telling you he had no intentions of being in a relationship with you, that you were seen as another conquest. After all that all I saw was one red flag after another. 


    I completely understand why you're feeling upset. You were in love with who you thought he was, you were addicted to his kisses. That is what you're upset by. You know he's a jerk, you know he wasn't right for you. You want the him you thought he was. You're also mad at yourself for letting this jerk in. It is not your fault, he knows how to play girls, make them fall for him. He also knows how to keep them coming back to them. I'm not going to tell you what point I would have walked away at because in all honesty, I really don't know. I'd like to say I would have walked away at the first red flag. It's like your in Hurricane(yes, I got that from a song). One moment, you're in the midst of the storm, everything seems to be going wrong. Then you're in the eye, and everything seems fine. My advice let go. Block and delete his number. Then distract yourself. Go out with friends, enjoy yourself. Talk to guys, but don't go out with them. Let yourself know that you can go out talk to guys and not fall for them. When you get down, face those feelings so they don't consume you. It's easy to get caught up with it all, but by allowing yourself to acknowledge those feelings it helps you move on and stops them from consuming you.

    4 people like this

  9. I agree with what Josh said. Sometimes a long relationship isn't always a happy one. Also, over time things do start to come out about a person that they are trying to hide at first. I know people who were in a long term relationship with people who were really sweet at first but after about 6 months or so became more and more controlling and abusing. People also get into relationships to learn more about themselves in regards to what they like and don't like in a potential spouse. Some people who have a lot of relationships, might just be really picky or they just don't feel like their the one. 


    Also, I think dating goes in stages. The first few months are the "honeymoon" stage. Everything about the relationship is perfect, he's great, she's great, the dates are great, etc. Then comes what I like to call the boredom stage. They're boring. You're bored with the relationship, you wish you weren't tied down, there are just so many awesome other people out there, etc. Both parties are looking for something more. Then after you get out of that it would be the "long haul". You love being in the relationship once again, but you realize it isn't perfect. He has flaws, she has flaws, you fight on occasion. You enjoy being around them and having them in your life. The "long haul" is where you really get to know someone, you can see their flaws, they can see yours. The "true" person comes out. From here one of two things happen. You either enter the "fighting/hating each other" stage or the "engagement" stage. The "fighting/hating each other" stage, the couple is constantly fighting, going home crying, they don't like each other, and it eventually enters the "break-up" stage, in which both parties begin to move on from each other and see other people. The "engagement" stage is where the man asks the woman to marry him and they begin to plan for a future together. This stage sometimes enters the "fighting/hating each other" stage and leads once again to the "break-up" stage, but for the most part it ends in the "marriage" stage, which is similar to the "long haul", only longer and permanent for the most part. In some cases the "marriage" stage takes a turn for the "fighting/hating each other" stage, and this leads to a horrible stage called "divorce". This can happen for several reasons, but usually this stems from a relationship that didn't properly enter all the stages. 


    Sorry got carried away there, but my point is just because you think you want to marry person in the honeymoon stage(which is what you are referring to by the 2-3 months, at least in my book) doesn't mean 6 months to a year down the road that you will still feel the same way. Plus, I don't think I could see myself getting ready to settle with someone who I have only known for a couple of months. Though every relationship goes through its own course, for the most part every relationship I have had and every one I have seen with my friends has gone through at least the first few stages(only one friend has reach the elusive "engagement" stage). I don't think it's the something better may come long mentality that ends relationships, I think it is the can I don't know if I can live with this person for the rest of my life mentality. Some people just have more things that they can't live with than others. I also believe some may have commitment issues, so when it is getting close to the time to commit or move on, they move on. There's probably a lot of theories to why some people settle on the first lasting relationship and others never settle, but have many long term relationships. 

    3 people like this

  10. Very interesting story. First off, welcome to the site.Though I am only 21, I sort of feel your pain. Up until recently it seemed like all my friends were in serious relationships and I was not. I used to think what was wrong with me, why don't guys want me. But the funny thing is once I let go of my timelines and where I should be at in my life, I became me. Soon after that, I found my current boyfriend. And now several my friends are married or getting married, but I realize I am nowhere near ready for marriage. I do eventually want to settle down, but not at least for the next 3 yrs(which I know what put me at 24 and still younger than you are now, but I did say at least 3 yrs from now). 


    I will say this, it seems like you're confused as to whether you want to wait until marriage or not. If I were you I wouldn't do anything until you're sure. That way if you decide to wait you won't have done anything you will regret. Either way, you are welcome here and I know many people here will be here to listen anytime you need them.

    2 people like this

  11. This will be fun


    1. Own an Audi
    2. Swim with orcas
    3. Swim with dolphins
    4. Visit Japan
    5. See the Northern Lights
    6. Go on a cruise
    7. Go camping for a week with only the one I love
    8. Go and watch the Olympics
    9. Visit Ground Zero
    10. Visit all 50 states
    11. Work in the Pentagon
    12. Fly a plane
    13. Become a helicopter pilot
    1 person likes this

  12. How far you go is up to you. Everyone has their own personal opinion is how far is too far to go. There are some people here who will say they are saving their first kiss until marriage and others who are willing to go all the way up to the oral. Each person has there own reason for how far they will go.I wouldn't say that everyone here is able to get married within a year or two of meeting someone just because they are older. Everyone is looking at their own timeline. Trust me, no matter how long you have to wait, it will be worth it. For me, waiting until marriage is getting to know a person on an emotional and personal basis before a physical basis. It doesn't matter how long we have to wait. It allows me not to rush into anything. Marriage will happen when it happens. 

  13. That's a hard one. From experience, it is hard to work for minimum wage, even if it is a job you love. But, if I hated the job, I don't know that the paycheck would be worth it. I guess minimum wage, but love. My favorite quote of all times is "If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life."  


    Would rather be a chef, eat whatever you want all your life, but you can only listen to one song or a famous singer, listen to whatever music, but can only eat the same meal everyday for the rest of your life?

  14. So here's another one. Let's say the female is non-Catholic, like me, and the husband is Catholic. If the wife wished to use birth control, and after discussion, including all religious and personal reasons, the couple decides to go on birth control because it is what the wife wishes. Is this bad for the husband?  I know it is against the Catholic religion to use non-natural forms of birth control, but what would happen if one party isn't Catholic, and the one who isn't would be the one using it. I know in marriage you do become one, but in a way going on birth control is an individual choice. A wife doesn't need her husband's permission to do so, even if it is deceitful. 

  15. Under the right circumstances, share myself with a person who I am attracted to. BUT only if I was at least 50, was in a committed relationship, and marriage was a longshot(like it wasn't financially feasible or marriage would get in the way with one of careers.)


    Miserable genius or happy average person?

  16. So my question is about marrying somebody of another faith, such as someone who is protestant, Mormon, etc.

    I know the Mormon church doesn't recognize a marriage if both are not Mormon and the ceremony is not performed in the Mormon church. Somebody told me the Catholicism was similar. Is that true? Also, what would happen if the let's say a couple, one is Lutheran and the other Catholic, were to marry, but both wished to maintain their religion and not switch?  

  17. Well here it goes


    Dexter from well Dexter(I don't know why, I just attracted to him)

    Superman/Clark Kent, especially in Man of Steel

    Alex from Grey's Anatomy

    Barney from HIMYM(minus the whole womanizer, sex crazed part)

    Harry Potter

    Peeta Mellark

    Captain America/Steve Rogers

    Tony Stark

    Mike Wazoski(especially in Monster's University)

    Jesse from Pitch Perfect

    Andrew Paxton in the Proposal

    1 person likes this

  18. I know this is going to sound harsh, but this is how someone in a relationship starts snooping and invading the others privacy. It starts out with someone flirting with them, then the find out they have a number or email, and that makes them upset and nervous. They want to be come protective of what they have. They become upset, and instead of talking to their significant other they let it build inside them. They may go talk to other people about this, and "venting", but it isn't really problem solving. They let the feeling consume them and before you know it, they're checking the other's emails, phone call, text, profiles, whatever just to make sure they aren't cheating. 


    My advice, if it is really bothering you that bad, talk to him about it. There may be nothing that you or he could do to stop the flirting, but at least he know it makes you uncomfortable to know that she and him text. I don't see any problem with a married woman going to a young male for advice in a marriage, it does seem a little weird to me, seeing as he has no experience being married, but like Josh said there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender while in a relationship and asking them for advice. Bottom line, talk to him, let him know how you feel. There is no way for him to know how you feel unless you tell him. This will prevent you from going down the road mentioned above.Also, if you don't think you can handle this, get out of the relationship. It might be a lot to handle, but relationships are always going to be a lot to handle, they're never easy. Maybe you're not ready for a relationship right now and that's okay. I've always told my boyfriend, I trust you, if I didn't I wouldn't be dating you, and if I ever don't then I will leave you. I know that sounds harsh, but to me the most basic foundation of a relationship is trust. If you don't have that, then what do you have. I will work through whatever, but if I can't trust him, it's time to end it. 

  19. I will agree with you that rubbing lotion on someone is definitely unacceptable, from the sounds of it though he wasn't rubbing lotion on her. Though I will say that him allowing her to rub lotion is a little too far my comfort, but I don't know the context so there could have been more at play than what was mentioned. Without the context I can't quite judge her boyfriend at fault. 


    nanners210, I won't say you are tripping over nothing, there are parts of what you say that would bother many people. If I asked someone to stop and they didn't, I would be upset too. The flirting thing is just a part of life. There are going to be people who flirt with people in relationships, and though it is despicable, they're not going to stop. It is annoying and aggravating, but unfortunately there is nothing we can do about it. You are completing in the right for being irritated. Above I was merely just offering an alternative attitude to your situation, not excusing their behaviors.