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Everything posted by OneLovelyBabe

  1. Part of it is because I'm in Canada which is not my home state, and I don't have internet where I'm living. I'm going back to the states in about two and a half weeks and DYING for that. I never hung out with friends much there anyway, as all my friends were usually wrapped up in other things. I know I need to connect with the Lord more, but I am so struggling because of the circumstances. And when I seem to get motivated, either to relax or whatever else, another trial comes up. Fleas in my bed. Washing machine overflowing and mold. My ex popping up and freaking me out and tapping on my car window twice, once in mid traffic. Now I'm trying to stay away from my go to to save money which is Tim Hortons, and I feel more alone than ever. Not to where I used to feel which was that I NEEDED a husband. But I feel and felt like everyone else has everyone around them all the time. A husband, friends, children. Etc. Help.
  2. Been so lonely as of late.

    thank you all!!!!! I am back in California!!!!!
  3. Just like the title says, do you believe in the idea that God is a sovereign God or do you believe in the Dominion over the earth by humanity? I think the deeper question here is do we believe that God is wanting us in a place of begging or do we believe we can pretty much "name it and claim it?"
  4. Been so lonely as of late.

    Thank you! Yeah, it's hard having no connections. I do however have a few people I see on a regular basis which is nice. I am just trying to get everything ready for the drive back which takes a lot of work. Jobs, etc. However I have definitely learned a lot from the Lord being here and it is not a total waste. The fact that He wants me here still shows me I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm just honestly antsy though to see my Dad since he got diagnosed with cancer. Any prayers would be fully appreciated.
  5. Been so lonely as of late.

    Well.... I came out here to flee abuse. I had finally recognized why I'm so behind in life and relationships -- because my mother was abusive. I hadn't recognized it before. I also came out here because my ex is out here. I am in my own separate place currently. I moved into a house with him and his sister. We were planning on getting our own place. THANKFULLY that didn't happen. I realize I had been deceived, and that I should have never been living with a man. I had felt like I was out of options in California. I DEFINITELY heard the Lord say I needed to leave my house, and that I was a slave there. I realize now I had allowed my reality and feelings to crowd out the fact I was supposed to stay in California, just find elsewhere to go and maybe take time to get with the Lord. It was hard because I felg stuck. Eventually, I settled going to Canada. I never really wanted to come here in the first place and felt like it was dark. Within three weeks, I was reading my text messages the other day, and my ex began getting violent with me. Along with controlling manipulative and isolating. Anyway, that's how I got out here. Per the LORD He has gotten me housing and everything I need out here. I was relying upon my ex's phone and prophetic healing, plus I didn't know anyone out here. Now I recognize, my text app has free calling for US and Canada. I also finished my healing so far anyway with the Lord. He used both to manipulate me.
  6. I've been lonely as of late. Consider the "luck" you've had with women could have also been the Lord giving you that purity and blessing you in disguise because of it.
  7. sovereignty of God vs human dominion

    You know what I think I probably didn't fully explain what I should have. In a way I guess it COULD relate to free will, so technically yes, but for the purposes of your intent and this I wouldn't say it is about free will vs predestination like with Calvinism and all of that. I guess what I mean is this idea of for instance, sickness, do you believe that God has put that on you? Or that God always wants you well?
  8. Random Thoughts

    ahh they go so fast!!!!! I learned the alphabet awhile back and tried to start learning vegetables and greetings. it reminds me of wild thornberries
  9. I know how you feel I'm 29. I just dated two men who were both Christian and we talked about marriage, but both relationships didn't work out so far. 1. If you feel like this is a God issue and God is holding out on you, (which is what I feel) you could ask God to reveal to you what it is you need to work on (If anything), or give you more patience. 2. If you feel like this is simply a matter of finding a wife, switch up your routine, try new things or develop new interests to meet new people. AKA go to the store in the morning vs at night etc, if you shop online normally like gamers generally do, go in person etc etc. Good luck I'm right there with you.
  10. So about a month ago, I decided to FULLY give my whole life and being to Christ. I decided I wanted to let God into ALL of my heart, not just certain areas, and wanted to stop keeping it from God and let my walls come down. I feel better than ever. I also decided to do away with my list of things I wanted in a husband and say "God if it's your will then that's what I want." I said that I wanted who He wanted for me. So a month later, I prayed that God would open doors that needed to be opened, and close doors that needed to be shut. Basically I now have new friends at a new church (which has been kind of hard switching) and a wonderful man who treats me better than anyone I've ever known. Like I've never had a guy treat me with such respect it's ridiculous. This man is extremely of God, of the Lord, so sweet, amazing. We are already kind of interested in the same ministries and it's crazy how God's intertwining our paths, and how certain career things are coming into play with certain ministries he has introduced me to. I even heard God give me a word about him. So I found out he is not a virgin. I was hoping to find a virgin but I know this is the man that God has for me. So with that being said, here are my insecurities and I need your guys' help. We have only been talking for a month and been official for two days and I found out by asking in a way which maybe was premature so we are just praying on this for now but I told him we should probably wait to talk again. While my flesh is probably more out of control than his, emotionally I at least for now am turned off by the idea of sex. 1. I kind of picture him having sex with other women which is bothersome and makes me cringe. 2. I worry a guy will be bored when he has sex with me, since he has already had sex. The idea that a guy will be bored when I have abstained all this time makes me mentally turned off since I think that he will be bored having sex. 3. I want a guy to act like it's the first time and also be patient and take things slow even if it's not his first time. 4. I worry we will be running into his sexes (exes he's had sex with) and I don't want to look like an idiot and not know who they are Please give me your insights on what you all think. This man is absolutely amazing and has blown every idea of mine out of the water, and it's even helped me to better figure out my father daughter relationship with my dad. I've never wanted to cook for a guy ever, but I seriously feel like I need to pull out all the stops for this one. He's ABSOLUTELY amazing. I know God has a way of working things out which I'm sure is what will happen with this, I just thought you guys might be able to give me some insight. And also, I believe that since I finally gave my whole heart to God is the reason why God has blessed me in this area. Ladies if there is hope for me, there is hope for you. HAHAHA!!!
  11. Hey guys. Just wanted to say thanks for all the concern and kind words. We are going to one of our friends who used to be a pastor for premarital counseling. (Not just for this) We were originally going to do the program at our church but it didn't resonate with either of us spiritually. So he suggested his friend who had previously been a pastor. At first I didn't know if it would be ambiguous enough since they had had a friendship before so I was blunt and asked him about it which was my only hangup. But after our service I felt it in the spirit to go with his friend and felt like the legalistic side of me wanted to do the church counseling. We both didn't like the systematic setup of it it was a guided thing and not even very personal which we have both mentioned not liking that about the women's and mens studies at the church that are also like that. So we are starting that on Thursday, and another one of our friends who is a couple and getting married soon were talking to us about it, and said all it was was primarily financial, etc etc. He has been working with me every step of the way on walls I've built and life issues and has been very helpful responsive intuitive and just all around amazing. I have decided to take it a little slower, but for us moving fast physically I felt like we needed to at least see where we were at with this and the counseling. His friend was saying it was vital to get the counseling before a marriage which I agree with.
  12. WOW okay this answers EVERY SINGLE QUESTION. You totally hit the nail on the head with this one. Thank you. I think you're right it's an ego issue if a guy is bored. And I think you're right. I think when then time does come to talk, I will learn more. But I'm realizing now that it's a good thing to build that rapport with the person so as not to just learn about their carnal desires, because then it's premature even just talking about it. So it's like having sex after marriage versus getting to know the person and then getting married. It just makes sense to learn about the person and wait until things are more committed. I think I will be able to see what his intentions are regarding that and I'm sure you're right. He said he's been abstaining for about four and a half years now, basically since he became a Christian and accepted the Lord. I guess he hasn't kissed a person in that time except for a girl he used to date last year but it was on the cheek and he said he had felt convicted about it. Which is good to hear he's been waiting that long because to be honest I wouldn't have felt like dating a guy who had only been waiting say a year. So if anything it's like God sent me someone I can at least trust based on their current background however new and changed so I probably wouldn't have wanted to date him any time before now. Yeah I'm just trying to trust in the Lord for this. It's not an easy route not dating a virgin but probably God sees me growing in more ways than if he had made it easy and given me a virgin. Like I said I have given up on the idea of what IIIIII want and given it to the Lord so I am open to this it's not a deal breaker, but at the same time there are still walls and insecurities that need to be broken. I would appreciate any other advice anyone has on staying pure until marriage. I've been "waiting till marriage" but always had slip ups so never successfully. I'm not worried about that with him because he seems like he is SO about the Lord and all of that....but at the same time we are so attraced mentally spiritually etc because it's like we are the people we have been praying for and dreaming of so it's like a whole new LEVEL of attraction you are battling, versus anyone else we have dated in the past. Thank you guys XOXOX
  13. No it definitely helps a lot. I think you're right Vince. It makes me depend on God all the more. Yeah we both agreed after the fact that it was too early on to talk about it. My new accountability partner was mentioning something about not awakening love until the time is right. I feel like we should probably wait a little while (1-3 months) for that talk until we kind of get the whole sexual thing under control. Right now we are establishing habits and finding out new boundaries etc and still learning about each other obviously.
  14. Am I selfish for wanting to marry a virgin? I have been waiting 29 years, and I feel guilty for praying to God for a virgin husband. I'm worried I might miss the man God has for me, but then I feel like I will always have hesitations if I marry a non-virgin, maybe never fully feel invested in the relationship or like they have the same amount of investment. Then I keep hearing our pastor talk about praying boldly, and praying further than we expect or think for things so that we can show we believe God is more amazing than we can even imagine, and that anything we ask or think will be given to us if we just believe. I'm so torn. I don't want to miss something great, but I also don't want to mess up because I can't just take my virginity back if I marry the wrong guy.
  15. Merry Christmas

    Merry Christmas waiters!!! Hope everyone has had a blessed holiday ❤
  16. Random Thoughts

    sorry to hear that. hopefully you get it figured out I hate dealing with car nails!
  17. what are you feelings on...

    hahaha! is this a feeler? lol
  18. well for me, I feel like music saved my life when I was in my teens. I have already seen a vision of me playing the harp in heaven in my new home. I hope to make music with someone. I also feel like metal music is the one type of music that drowns out all frustration for me. but I am not against trying to get to know someone new. HAHAHA unless you're talking to our other friend here haha it's hard to tell
  19. oh GOSH Vince cry me a river!!!!!! HAHAHA JEEZE!!!!! FIRST of all, yeah some people literally are not comfortable being single, but I think people say that they are comfortable even when they arent because most people (usually relationSHIPPED people) have made them say that. It's embarrassing to say how we really feel all the time. Hahaha. Which doesn't make sense. But I genuinely do think some people are happy in the Lord. That needs to be where our. contentedness is found is in God, not this EMPHASIS on waiting. Do I find that contentedness? Not yet, once in awhile I do. But I also struggle with love addiction and addiction to dating sites and daddy issues and all this stuff. But in theory I feel like it exists. SECOND of all, what incident are you talking about? Also stop freaking out about it. I am actually doing the same about my last ex, because it was technically the most God-honoring relationship I've had (even though it felt like I was idolizing him) but we did Bible studies and all that and I wonder if I will even find someone like that again. But also, regardless, God never tells us it's too late or anytbings too late. That's the whole point of redemption and salvation is that it's never too late!!! No matter WHAT WE think we've screwed up, God always has a back up plan. So STOP looking at the past Vince. That can be your lesson out of this. Remember what happened to what's her face who looked back? She turned into a pillar of salt!!! Why?! Because she longed for the past. The past and living in it is so damaging to us because it keeps us from seeing the blessings God has for us now. THIRDLY yeah I effin hate being single hahahah. I feel desperate or whatever you want to call it. I go to the gym I can't stop staring at the dudes. I don't even care anymore lol. I went to this last family Christmas party and literally I was the only single person there. All everyone did was talk about their life with the kids the whole time. WHO CARES?!?! I was just thinking like "Where's the intellectual Convo we used to have?!?!" Oh my gosh it was HORR I BLE. Never again. Hahaha. Everyone in my family is married or now with someone except for my dad who cheated on my mom and IMO deserves to be single but he still has women that he you know what's with. My psycho sister just even found someone from God. My mom got violent with me on Mother's Day and has someone from God. (violent post husband). My psycho sister flipped me off for giving her a bible verse on Christmas and recently found someone from God. But yeah I absolutely hate being single. Yesterday I had to unfollow a ton of people on my Facebook otherwise I can't even go on there. I hate when people have photos of their wedding as their profile pic from like THREE YEARS AGO. It's like "You haven't taken ANY other photos since then? Is that really necessary?!" But yeah, as you can see jealousy is OOZING out my ears, so I was trying to pray it away and just do what I could so I don't put myself in that situation but it is HARD. FOURTHLY, for those of us who have been in relationships, it's nothing special. It's basically changing the scenery from our past. Instead of thinking about the second to last person the temptation is to think about the last person is the only difference. I am riddled with guilt from time to time about the stuff I have done sexually and try not to be. Don't feel like we are any more special than you. I have had all those chances and look what happened: still single. If anything it makes me feel like I have more issues and will be perpetually single since I keep choosing losers and my taste is off. But God can change that and we have to hope for that. You might consider listening to this series on YouTube from this lady called Anointed Fire. She touches on several issues most people don't consider to make sure you are ready to receive the blessing God has for you. For example, do you have anything that reminds you of a past love? Get rid of it. Hahaha If anything I am jealous of YOU because I feel like it's hard for me to trust anyone, and it was something so easy to give away at first, but then it's like you have to pick your heart up, wait till someone convinces you they won't leave, and continually get heart broken again and again. I'm sick of investing myself in someone, them convincing me they won't leave, and then each person just keeps leaving. It sucks. I just want to find someone already so I don't have to keep doing this to myself and relocating my heart. Anyway, hope this helps.
  20. Thanks Buster. I always look forward to reading your comments.

    it's hard putting yourself out there like that, especially as a new member on here. but you have a great message, heart, personality, and seem like you have a bright future ahead of you. thanks for posting this
  22. Thank you! And I do the exact same, but it's usually by the first date or so! Haha
  23. I just wanted to say after the site updated, I had problems signing in because it logged me out when I finally tried to sign in. I had forgotten my username and password. I kept retrying to sign in every week or so and it said awaiting authorization or something. Now that I think about it I probably could have forum messaged as a guest. Anyway, that went on for months, and it was only after Invincible fixed my account that I was able to sign in from a friend who had seen a new YouTube video of mine thank God!!! anyway, I just wanted to say that maybe admin should see if there are pending accounts because I was checking my email often in that and it never got resolved so there might be more because of the site change. I kind of miss the old app layout. also I tried other Christian site forums but this is the only site that feels at home so I'm glad to be back with my crowd.
  24. I haven't been on in awhile since I was locked out of my account after the site change. I'm not refuting that. haha I wouldn't mind meeting someone from here