JeanneElise

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About JeanneElise

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  1. I'm engaged!!

    Congratulations! All the best to the both of you for a lifetime of bliss!
  2. Cowardly Husbands

    YES, a complete dealbreaker! It's a non-desirable character trait! I'm defining cowardice as: using others as a shield for your benefit, never standing up for anyone so you don't look bad, lying to get ahead, blaming others instead of looking at your own actions, groveling and sucking up and generally being fake to people with power/authority/resources for the sole purpose of them liking you so you can get ahead.
  3. Are you a virgin? How will you answer him?

    Well, if the question were asked on the first date (which I think is inappropriate), I would try to understand why he wants to know so soon. I imagine it would be a scenario like this: Guy: "...So...are you a virgin?" Me: "Hmm...I've never been asked this on a first date. Why do you want to know?" If his answer gives a vibe of wanting to hop into bed and he doesn't want to fumble with a novice, I think I'll just state that it's a really personal question to be asking a stranger and end the date there (and not see him again). In my opinion, it seems like too much of a breech in etiquette -- and manners is not something a person could fix so easily. However, if his answer gives a vibe that he just wants to make sure he's not "wasting his time" dating a totally incompatible person, I would answer him and tell him my reasons. BUT -- if this occurs on the first date, I would still think it's bad etiquette... Fero, my suggestion to you if you're going to ask that question is to ask it only when you feel that it'll matter to you. In general though, I think that question will just pop up on its own when it's appropriate, so just don't rush the question. From personal experience, brace yourself. If their answer is "no, I'm not a virgin" and you're a virgin, it's going to sting like hell -- especially if it's the deepest (or only) relationship you will have been in -- because it'll feel like that person you totally have a crush just literally broke your heart... And then you'll read (and reread a hundred times over) "The 7 Emotions You Feel When You Discover Their Sexual Past" to work through all your emotions...
  4. Women Slapping Men

    I totally agree that there is a double standard. But just my thoughts on answering your question, maybe it seems "ok" for a woman to slap a man because it's been depicted so many times in movies where a man does something so wrong that he seems to actually "dserve" it. And it's not ok for a man to slap a woman because it IS associated with domestic violence -- where men are thought as stronger than women and therefore should be women's "protectors" instead of hurting them. For my personal view, no one should hit anyone. We're all grown enough to use words to calmly talk things over -- problems get resolved quicker when issues could be discussed.
  5. So I recently watched "The Secret" and it discussed that what you get in life and where you are in life are all the results of your thoughts... You could watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-n3OeSb7Ik. I have no doubt that there is something to this "secret," because of an experience from college (long before I ever came across "The Secret") where I wanted to go study abroad so, so badly, but never thought I could afford to... And then I just went and applied to the program anyways -- with no visible sign or clue as to how I would get money to pay for it all... And then, miracle or miracles, I got accepted to the program and received lots of scholarships! My year abroad was completely paid for. No out of pocket money from me! So, I was just wondering if anyone on here had really, seriously tried "The Secret" to find "The One?" If so, how did you get rid of doubts that you wouldn't be able to meet or find him/her?
  6. Hi Wanderlust, I hope some of what the other replies have helped you some. I agree with Wandering Washingtonian that writing out all your anger and other emotions into a letter would really help as a start. I had a sort of similar experience (although to a lesser degree) during my second year in college. There was this grad student (totally smart, Fullbright scholar, etc.) who I found to be cute, charming, and we flirted a lot. We did have a conversation once about our views on sex and I told him I was waiting for my wedding night. He, too, thought it was "really great"...then he started flirting with other girls...in front of me...then he flirted with my friends...IN FRONT OF ME, too! Thinking back, I always still wanted to be with him because I seriously felt like I needed a guy in order to "fit in" with the college crowd. Fortunately, we never did anything together -- as in not even kissing (thank goodness!). Each time we would flirt with some girl, I felt humiliated and hurt...but it was actually insecurity. How did I cure this? I went to France to study abroad! I did a year-long immersion program and really challenged myself. From that experience, I gained so much confidence in myself, knowing full well that I'm a smart, capable, independent girl! So I would suggest that you do something that would boost your self-confidence and self-esteem...be it learning martial arts, painting, singing, anything that would make you feel happy and accomplished and proud of yourself! And on the flip side...you've learned the lesson that many of us have also learned -- how to spot a player before the game even starts. Having completed that lesson with your virginity intact is still something to proud of! Remind yourself that even at moments when you had the choice of faltering and yielding to giving him what he wanted, you still resisted!
  7. Hypothetical Scenario: You're dating someone and you really care about him/her (you really do love them), but the romantic feelings aren't there and you don't see a happy future with them (not in love with them) and you no longer feel like continuing the relationship... And the thing is...you still care about them and want them to know that you care about them... **For me, being "in love" with someone goes beyong the happy giggly bubbly feeling; it's more like you can happily envision your lives together and feel excited for everything that is to come and feel like you'll be able to overcome anything together...** 1) Is it ever appropriate to say those words: "I love you, but I'm not in love with you?" under ANY circumstance? 2) If you believe that they already understand that the romantic aspect is gone and that the relationship cannot continue. Is it appropriate to tell them that you do love them, even if you've never said it before? (A possible reason for never having said it before is because you weren't in love with the person, and you didn't want to confuse them into thinking that you were in love with them). 3) Or would it be more appropriate to just simply tell them that you care about them and leave it at that?
  8. I think that the best place to look is wherever you do your own "thing." If you have the WTM ideals, mindset, and heart, I think people of similar mindsets and ideals will be attracted to you as well. And I'm not really religious or anything, so for me personally, I would not go to a church or a place of worship for the sole purpose of hoping to find a WTMer. I think we'll meet that special One whenever the time is right.
  9. So true!!! I have several friends who've been waiting with their long-term boyfriends for 7+ years now due to college and grad school, and they've all kept to their beliefs! They are also each others' one and only, so it's very possible that your first love could be your one and only true love. Now they're on their way to engagement and marriage! So, hang in there! If they honestly LOVE YOU, CHERISH YOU, and RESPECT YOU, they will wait with you! As far as how far to go physically... I can only advise you to listen to your conscience and your heart... If it doesn't "feel right" to be doing something...like even if a sliver of doubt crosses your mind, you should back off... Better safe than sorry, believe me. Even if it's not "actualy sex," if you do something that doesn't feel right, you'll feel awful afterwards, and more likely than not, it'll somehow get incorporated into the relationship... Decide on your boundaries and stick to them and make sure that your guy is on the same page too. And adjust if necessary, like if you thought you would be ok with more than kissing, and it turns out you feel awful about it, take a step back. And definitely talk to your guy about it rather than just backing off. Good communication is really important. Best wishes to you!
  10. doing things together

    I think it comes down to health habits... Most people who are active place value on their health... If their partner is completely opposite (like a couch potato type) there could be conflict...because then when their sedentary (sp) partner gets sick due to their health habits, it's really unfair to put the other "active" partner through all that emotional stress and other burden... But if we're talking about "adventure" stuff like hiking and traveling, I think I'd be ok with a compromise if my partner is more of a homebody -- because for me, it would be nice just to be in their company. I would want him to share in some activities with me (i.e. traveling is a must!) but it's not like I'll drag him to yoga or zumba, hahahaha!
  11. Question for the ladies

    Yeah, me too! When I look at other girls, it's me wondering how they did their makeup and hair and if I'd look okay with that look too! Hahahaha
  12. Hey there and welcome! I'll share with you my story. I hope it'll help you. I'm 27, so I can totally understand where you're coming from and the frustration you feel. The pressure to get married is strong! I remember having moments when I find out that the guy I'm currently dating isn't a virgin. My first passing thoughts have been: "What was the whole point of ME waiting all this time then?!?!?!" I felt like I've been slighted, like the universe was playing a cruel joke on me -- making me like someone, only to have that ideal image shatter... After my sadness subsided, I got down to trying to figure out WHY I was feelign that was... It was because I really liked him and really cared about him...and wanted to share that special moment of giving ourselves to each other on our wedding night (yes, yes, I'm a hopeless romantic!). But then he wasn't the right guy for me, and this sex issue always hovered in our relationship... After being put through such a challenge, I came out even more solid in my convictions. You mentioned that you tried earlier this year to have sex with the girl you were dating, ask yourself how you came to that decision... Is it because you felt like that was what she wanted? Were you pressured in any way? So, I guess you should really think about your personal reasons for wanting to wait until marriage to make love. I know that really helped me put things into perspective -- because then it helped me udnerstand what I REALLY want and need in a lifetime partner -- someone whose values are aligned with mine. Wish you all the best!
  13. Waiting til marriage was a value I was raised with, but my decision to wait was purely personal. It most probably stemmed from me being a hopeless romantic. I always equated sex with love, and I would only want to share that experience with my one true love, forever. The only way to know that it's really love (and not purely hormones) is to wait until marriage. In the meantime, it allows me to have a clearer view on other aspects of the relationship to determine if my significant other and I are compatible for the long-run, to see if he is "The One" whom I want to share my life with. ~Jeanne-Elise, 27