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Everything posted by WakeUp&BeAwesome

  1. Three religions. One house.

    Hello everyone, in Berlin, Germany there are plans for a sacral building, which will unite a mosque, a church and a synagogue under one roof. Start of the consctruction is presumably in 2019. The rooms for the particular religions are going to be separate from eachother (not mixed!) and in the middle there is going to be a fourth room, a room of encounter. So if you want to go to the mosque, synagogue or church, you need to enter this fourth room first. Other plans for this building encompass for example a library and activities and presentations where people can learn about the different religions. The house is going to be open to non-religious people as well, to people who might have questions or are seeking. If you want to learn more, here is the website with much information and some videos. Just click on "Project", "Engage", "Activities" or "Organization" to learn more. https://house-of-one.org/en What do you think about this project? If you are religious (or even non-religious) would you participate in this project? And later, would you theoretically go to such a building in the mosque/church/synagogue? Why yes? Why no? I am curious to hear your general thoughts about this :-)
  2. Thanks for sharing and being open and honest about your experiences and what it has done to you. True, kids can be cruel and scar you for a lifetime. You definitely have my compassion. You are not alone, though. Research ("The nature of prejudice" by G.W. Allport) on the causes and transmission of prejudice suggests that when an individual has a negative experience with a member of a group as part of routine everyday encounters (in your case "the female group"), this moment is often mobilized to produce and justify powerful negative generalizations about the whole population that the individual is seen to represent (in your case "the female population") (Information from "Living with difference" by G. Valentine) So I am sure, you can work towards solving those issues, if you want to. I know, easier said than done like always. And "misery loves company" is a...well....way too miserable motto to live one´s life by, don´t you think? All the best!
  3. Your pleasure = Spouse's responsibility?

    @'tis the Bearded One Thanks for the article. If you go to bible studies, though (like the ex girlfriend, for example), doesn´t it mean that you are looking into the subject and the Bible? How can you go to bible studies and not live a bible-based life (or at least make an effort to do so)? Isn´t that a contradiction? I think, if someone goes to bible studies (voluntary and not forced by someone else), they are actually interested in the Bible, aren´t they? The article talks about how Christians aren´t that interested anymore in church service, and serious prayer and the Bible. But the girlfriend seemed like the exact opposite. Very involved, even doing mission trips! I also know some people who are very involved in church, some even taking leaderships in church. Yet, they would never wait and think it is not desirable. I have trouble understanding that, honestly. Some say, that it is purely Interpretation and that nowhere in the Bible it is clearly stated that you should wait until marriage to have sex. So they don´t. This whole topic reminds me of this video. It is meant to be comedy and not serious, but I think, it has a lot of truth in it, especially for the younger generation.
  4. Aaah, of course! Needed some time to catch up on that
  5. Yes, to all non-virgins here: don´t feel excluded!!! But what double meaning does "Virgin Therapists" imply? It´s therapists that are virgin....or do you mean the star sign as the double meaning? Haha, sorry, I am obviously missing something here. "Waiter Therapists" does have a double meaning, too, though. Waiter as in "waiting till marriage" and Waiter as in the profession (waiter/waitress). Haha. Okay, that was not that funny
  6. @Naturally What I forgot earlier....Was it you, who complemented the title of this thread and another thread with the introduction "Virgin Therapists"? (I don´t know if only the person who started the thread can change the title later) Although, we have a lot of non-virgin waiters here who, of course, are more than welcome to give their opinions, the title is funny Sounds like a TV-series or something similiar...
  7. Sure. I think there are aspects in the control of a husband which impact the wife´s womanhood, self-esteem, mental health, feelings of love and almost every aspect of life. Absolutely. Yes, you can ask the exact same question. For some women it might be related to sex, for some not. Who said it is bad when it is sex instead of something else? I am afraid I don´t understand what you are trying to say here ... What "upcroppings of overly prudish culture"? What culture are you talking about? Well, I don´t think that a man is an animal for wanting sex....and I don´t think sex is bad. Rather quite the contrary. Sorry, I can´t follow you here. Makes sense and I agree. Thanks. Keep the book recommendations coming Agreed.
  8. @Dave1985 Thanks for your answer! I am not quite sure what to say. It sounded quite...pessimistic. I am not actually miserable on a daily basis. Just have sad moments/days where I am questioning this whole WTM-thing and feeling very down and lonely, because I seem to be the only one with this idea (in my real social environment, I mean). But I guess, every waiter has his/hers ups and downs and sometimes wanting to throw in the towel. If you don´t mind me asking...how come you seem so negative regarding women and marriage? If I would hear about "the female human being" for the very first time just by reading some of your posts, I would think, that women are some evil, malicious and ruthless creatures with mean intentions just on earth to destroy men and suck every ounce of happiness out of them while exploiting them in almost every area of their lives. I don´t deny that women like that do not exist. But good news is: There are kind, loving women with good intentions, as well. Women who would be passionate about making their man happy. So....you can still find happiness, is what I am trying to say.
  9. Three religions. One house.

    @Revan Why odd? The holy rooms will be separated. So Jews pray in the synagogue, Muslims in the mosque and Christians in the church. It is all separated. Just to make it clear again.
  10. Your pleasure = Spouse's responsibility?

    Thank you so much! I´m just a lifelong learner interested in opinions and experiences from other people I appreciate your openness and willingness to share your thoughts and insights here. Yes, you are reading my question correctly! Very interesting! Did you ever talk with her about this issue (that you would like to get more attention for your needs etc.) outside of bed? Or was it always only "in the moment" when you confronted her with a "wish" and then she proceeded to do it, but with an unpleasant attitude like you mentioned? I mean, did you ever had talks abou sex? And if so, what did she had to say about that? Or was the "God´s gift to men" the only reason she ever mentioned? 100 % agreed. It´s not what you say, but how you say it... Sure. No worries, to me you didn´t sound like ex bashing. Thanks, that´s heartening. But well....you also consider yourself to be a good and passionate giver...and it still didn´t work out. So I am actually still worried to find out that my man is an absolute asshole in bed.... To me it sounds so paradox, as well. A kind and loving and caring person and then so selfish and careless in bed only focusing on one´s own needs. Did you ever hear about a reversed case? When the person is very selfish, arrogant, careless, inconsiderate [insert any negative trait you like] in every day life and other areas in life, but is absolutely a passionate, good giver in bed? Not the answer I hoped for, but thanks for your honesty And how do you think you can best mitigate these risks? Why would you personally be even okay with taking these risks by (maybe) waiting til marriage the next time? Why especially for women? What about the waiting men? Where is the difference here? Also can I ask you another question a bit out of context? You don´t have to answer, if it´s too personal or if you don´t want to, of course. I am wondering about your ex girlfriend... She seemed very religious and very engaged in church. I mean, bible studies, mission trips, church choir. She even termed body parts of her "God´s gift to men". One might think, that a person like her would be interested in waiting until marriage to do the deed. Do you know why she didn´t want to wait? Was waiting EVER in the talks? I am not negatively judging here (my waiting isn´t motivated by religion). I guess, I am just wondering and always have a bit of trouble understanding those very religiously involved people, but still they don´t find waiting worthwile and desirable. Thanks for the talk!
  11. I'm new and FINALLY got signed up!!

    No worries! I find it incredibly kind of you that you are interested in those problems, even though you are not an admin. So thank you very much! I appreciate it! Yes, maybe @Invincible or some other admin can help. Wasn´t the case in the past, though. But I will try again.
  12. I'm new and FINALLY got signed up!!

    @StarGate SG1 I agree with everything you said and couldn´t say it any better. I guess, that some people are more able than other people to question things (due to very different reasons). Also: It is definitely due to cultural standards what is seen as attractive and non-attractive. In some Asian regions corpulent women are seen as the most attractive kind of women (sorry, I can´t remember the specific places). Or many Japanese women find corpulent men very attractive and like big bellies....(it´s due to the `otherness` since the majority of Japanese people are thin). However, it is interesting to see how culture is influencing people in their thinking, doing and living. I don´t know what´s so bad. True. The person´s attitude is key.
  13. Three religions. One house.

    Oh, don´t worry You made it clear. I am just not sure yet, what I should think about this One World Religion... But thanks again for your input!
  14. Your pleasure = Spouse's responsibility?

    @StarGate SG1 Thank you so much for sharing your insights and experiences! What I am wondering here now is the following: Some people say, if the person is a giving person in general and in other aspects of life, the person will be giving in bed, too. Some people say, that you can´t really know if the person will be giving when it comes to sex unless you actually build a sex life with them. Even the kindest, most giving people in everyday life can be absolute selfish in bed. What´s your experience there? I never knew what to believe or how to approach this matter. Because, if my spouse would not care about my needs at all and it turns out I would have to ask every single time for just one thing, this would be quite devastating to me. I consider myself a highly giving person and actually like the thought of giving pleasure almost more than receiving it (Almost! Of course, I´d like to receive pleasure, as well and it would also frustrate me when my spouse apparently does not really care about giving back to me). I am just wondering if talking about it and experiencing your partner in other life areas would be enough to prevent such a scenario you mentioned you had with your previous girlfriend (which sounded truly heartbreaking and I can imagine that it sucked)! Thanks again for sharing!
  15. Three religions. One house.

    Of course! I am just interested in people´s opinions about this. Although I can´t see any signs of a deception, hidden agenda or the motivation to form a One World Religion in this particular project, I try to understand where you are coming from. I guess, I need to think some things through you mentioned. Thanks again!
  16. I'm new and FINALLY got signed up!!

    Hi, no worries! Yes, I can absolutely understand that women think that and why they think that. But those must be women who (1) never experienced other kinds of men (which is sad and not their fault) or (2) very very young women who are easily influenceable or (3) women who simply don´t question certain things and don´t try to get to the bottom of "stated facts". I was told the exact same thing and learned the same thing through media for example. I can remember a time where I thought that in order to have a relationship you must first sleep with eachother and only after sex there is the decision to be made if the man and woman are going to be a couple or not. Why did I think this? Well, movies.... Or I used to think that when you have reached the age of 16, then it is time that you should have sex; at the latest at 18 (but then you are crazy and a loser anyway). Why did I think that? Magazines....and friends. But soon I started to think for myself and came to the conclusion that I don´t have to do this like it was suggested to me all those years and that certainly not every man has the same views on sex and relationships. Nobody told me that, though. It was a long process... True, most of them have similiar views and yes, a man who waits or would be okay with waiting is extremely rare. But still: not every man is the same. Not every woman is the same. We are all just human beings with so many complex layers. Generalizations and stereotypes make me sick somehow. So I still can´t quite comprehend how adults can be so full of assumptions to a degree so that they don´t even believe you that you are okay with not "getting it out of your system" (to use their words) that much. I mean, you are a grown man and you know yourself....and still they can´t believe you and are more likely to believe their assumptions that are probably ingrained in their brain. This makes me so...sad and furious somehow. And at the same time I think such behavior is simply...silly. I don´t know..some women might not be able to break out of their "assumption-prison" and they are not really to blame for it maybe. But I know also many people who are full of assumptions and are going to defend that assumption with intensity....and even if the assumption is true for the majority, it doesn´t mean it is true for everyone. Sorry....this topic is kind of close to my heart. I will shut up now regarding this, haha No, please don´t spare me! I´m interested in your talk! Haha, definitely agreeing on this. I think even if you already had like 20 or 30 sexual partners, there is going to be some talk needed with your significant other some day...I mean, sex is communication and I think it´s important to actually talk about stuff you like or don´t like or simply show it. I am not sure what to think about those statements from those women.... Well, they do care apparently....even one partner is not enough according to what women have told you. The more past partners, the better. I think many women want their partner to had sex with many women before them....because of the then not necessary teaching (in their opinion) and because then their partner "got it out of his system". There are also some WTM-women who would like their partner to have had some sexual partners in the past. To each their own, of course! I think, most things come down to the motivation behind it...Not wanting to teach is a really weak reason in my opinion, though. Why is teaching perceived as so bad, anyway? Honestly, teaching a guy what to do sounds like fun to me. Not a burden. Not at all. Maybe I´m weird, haha. Okay, this is getting so long. I should end my post here
  17. @Faeries Sorry. It makes me sad, too I can definitely relate to what you are saying! The comment was by a female, though. So I am interested to hear what the men think about this and my associated questions I asked above. Sometimes I have very hard days in regards to WTM. I don´t know anyone who waits or supports WTM in my personal environment. Relationships just don´t work that way here...I guess, many on this site can relate to that. Sure, my ideal scenario would also be that he is a virgin and a waiter. But by now, I don´t believe anymore that I will find a man like this. So I guess, it would be fine if he was a waiter and a non-virgin (meaning he later found out that WTM is best for him and waits for his own reasons now).But I never met or heard about those kind of men in real life (except for men on this site). Then there is the possibility that you are going to find someone who is willing to wait for you (but wouldn´t wait otherwise). I don´t really like that scenario, but I might better get comfortable with this...I don´t know....I guess, WTM isn´t worth a life alone for me. But if I wouldn´t wait, well...then I guess, I would not be happy either. Great Oh, sure! If he loves you, he probably/hopefully is willing to wait. But first, you need to get to this level in the relationship. If no man wants to date you longer than a few weeks or months because of WTM, it is hard to get to a level of true love, I suppose. But you know what! Thank you so much for your comment. I felt a bit better after that and it is for sure good to know that you are not alone with your thoughts and struggles and that people can relate to you (even if its just over the Internet).Thank you!
  18. Very interesting discussion! I have two concerns: 1. @Naturally Did this couple wait until marriage to have sex? Just asking out of curiosity and I couldn´t find an answer to that in this thread. Sorry, if you have mentioned it somewhere already. 2. I know this discussion only encompasses some opinions and is partly highly subjective (like most discussions are), but this statement here stirred up a question for me: To the men: I know not every man is the same and I am not a fan of generalizations, but do you consider this more or less true? And if it is true, how can men wait until marriage to have sex then? Don´t you consider it way too risky if you marry a woman FOR LIFE and you don´t even know how she is going to act in such situations that could have an impact on your "manhood, self-esteem, mental health, feelings of love and almost every aspect of life"? And how do you keep your manhood, self-esteem, mental health, feelings of love and almost every aspect of life healthy and intact, in the dating phase with no sex (which might last a couple of years)? Wherefrom do you obtain positive feelings in regard to the above mentioned aspects of your life during the "pre-marriage-phase"? I know this topic is about refusing sex in marriage. But if sex is so intertwined in almost every aspect of your life and emotions and well-being, how can you wait until after marriage to find out if she can make you happy in that area? If the above statement rings true for, let´s say the majority of men on this earth, then that is probably the reason why waiters and non-waiters are never going to work, especially if the woman wants to wait and the man doesn´t want to. Because then the man will feel rejected, which in return will lead to above said damage "to his manhood, self-esteem, mental health, feelings of love, and almost every aspect of life". This is horrible. Although this is nothing new per se for me, I somehow felt discouraged when reading this, because it showed the whole scope of the implications sex (or lack thereof) has for men. I guess, I am discouraged again, ´cos I actually think I will never find a waiter-guy where I am living and a WTM-woman probably could never make a regular, non-waiting guy happy, because of the damage she will do with not having sex with him...(I actually think that a waiter and a non-waiter would not be the best fit anyway, but as time goes on, you need to see what options you still have and I read some stories where a non-waiter waited for a waiter.....this is not my ideal scenario, though, but sometimes it seems like I don´t have another choice).
  19. I'm new and FINALLY got signed up!!

    @'tis the Bearded One I still don´t get notifications to my email adress like I did years ago. One day, it didn´t work anymore... Yes, I checked my notification settings again. On some options I got the check mark under "Email", but it doesn´t work. I never get emails. Refreshing the settings or choosing them anew never worked either. I mean, the result was the same (= no emails)
  20. Three religions. One house.

    Thanks for your answer! I don´t know, though, what made you think of an One World Religion in regards to this particular project. I don´t know if you have seen the website I mentioned. A One World Religion is exactly what this project is not about. It emphasizes that everyone should stay in his/her religion and in the associated traditions within that particular religion. A Christian should stay a Christian, a Jew should stay a Jew and a Muslim should stay a Muslim. That is why there is going to be a separarate synagogue, a separate church and a separate mosque. But nevertheless the building could be an opportunity to learn with and from eachother and just to get to know eachother and eachothers beliefs better. Presumably there might be interreligious prayers where people from all faiths pray for a matter. In this project in particular there is every year a gathering of the three religions to commemorate the victims of 9/11. Just an example. Interreligious efforts are nothing new, though. I think interreligious dialogue is a highly important issue and I`d rather live in a world where the members of different religions would live together in peace than to hate and fight eachother. Will this project work out? Who knows. That is why I am curious what people think on here, so thanks again for your answer. I appreciate it! This sounds very very very dark and frightening. Thanks for the link.
  21. I'm new and FINALLY got signed up!!

    Hi, thanks for answering my questions! :-) Sorry that you had to go through this! But do you still have this problem? I mean, now you had sex....or do you still get those remarks from women? Also: I don´t even know why some women think that every man needs to sleep around or at least needs to have several girlfriends with sexual encounters and "get that out of his system". When I was younger I used to think that, too, but then soon I realized that not all men are the same... I don´t like generalizations anyway. I think, at least some WTM-women care about this stuff, too! True, I can confirm from my own experiences that neither non-Christians nor religious people care about this stuff.... Unfortunately. If they would care, I guess, WTM would be much easier and such a website wouldn´t be necessary, haha.
  22. I'm new and FINALLY got signed up!!

    I actually do have the same impression. It is quite disappointing that questions or problems get ignored. At least, do not get a response whatsoever (not even on this site in the forums). A "Oh, I don´t know....I will further look into that problem/issue and will get back to you. Be patient" or "Sorry, I can´t help you with that one" or some sort of reaction would be nice. But no response at all is quite confusing. I haven´t been getting any notifications on my email account when I receive messages on here for approximately three years now. It is annoying and I can´t solve the problem....Hope it works out for you two, though.
  23. I'm new and FINALLY got signed up!!

    Welcome StarGate SG1! I read your "All About Me" section. It was very interesting and I am sure, you can definitely bring some interesting and new perspective to some of the discussions here. I could ask you a million questions right now, but I will leave it with one, haha: Why were you so keen to be a member of this community, when you are not necessarily a waiter anymore? At least, that´s what I understood from your text :-) Is waiting still important to you or do you don´t really care anymore? And did you ever had any personal reasons to want to wait besides religious ones (forced upon you) (doesn´t sound like it, but maybe you had)? Sorry, those were more than one.... You don´t have to answer them here, though. No pressure. I can message you, too. Just wanted to say Welcome first and foremost
  24. Welcome Abdur Rehman Khan Durrani! Yes, there are definitely people from the LGBTQ-community, atheists and agnostics who are waiting until marriage. On this site we also have some members with those kind of "backgrounds". Here are some articles and interviews from this site that might be interesting to you, if you want to learn more about those people without religion or are identifiying with other forms of sexuality than heterosexuality: The story of one of our members, who is gay: http://waitingtillmarriage.org/shanes-story-my-journey-as-a-gay-waiter-till-marriage/ An interview of one of our lesbian members and about LGBTQ waiters: http://waitingtillmarriage.org/virgin-diaries-star-julie-kerr-talks-about-her-new-short-film-and-lgbtq-waiters/ An article about why atheists might want to wait until marriage: http://waitingtillmarriage.org/7-reasons-atheists-wait-until-marriage/ And the issue "Sexless and the City" on this site. There are two: One is of a non-religious member (the ones from 2012; just scroll down till the bottom and start with issue 1). There are 10 issues/articles from her, which might give you more perspective and information why religion doesn´t necessarily have to be a factor in the wish to wait until marriage. The other issues (or "episodes") are from a muslim member starting in 2013, but are interesting, nevertheless :-) http://waitingtillmarriage.org/category/sexless-and-the-city/ Have fun reading about all those kind of perspectives regarding waiting and sex. And I would be interesting to hear what you think about all of this. Why do you think (for now), it is bizarre? All the best and welcome again!
  25. For sure! I am just wondering in regards to Vince´s observations.....are those career women mothers, too? I am not sure, if I got this right. You can understand it both ways.... But they are probably mothers, too (because he said "other mom"). I think it also depends on the number of kids at home. One kid is nothing against, let´s say four or five. So the reactions in those conversations probably depend on the own amount of children. In a more general sense and in regards to what you said: Why would a person (man or woman) even want to start a family, when work is their primary focus in life? Why would such a person want to have kids in the first place? That wouldn´t make any sense. Children are a big deal and responsibility. If a person´s focus is elsewhere and they don´t see changing it (or they can´t change it for whatever reason), then I wouldn´t even think about having kids (because having them is not a priority in that person´s life, anyway). But I know, I know.....those people exist and those kids grow up with a nanny for the main part, not their parents. But I think, parents who actually raise their kids are more common. Even if both are working (not in a "career-first-man/woman-way", though).