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Everything posted by LonelyKnight

  1. This question has been posed a few times in the chat room, and elicited some strong reactions. Yet in today's day and time, the question is almost certainly one you will encounter in the world of relationships where the vast majority of late-teens and early-20's are sexually active. If you learn someone has had sex before you, does this pose major roadblocks or even become a dealbreaker for you? Gender and experience are crucial components of peoples' opinions, so it would be helpful if you included your gender, and (if you're comfortable) whether or not you've had sexual experience before.
  2. Rate Levels of Attraction

    Different things seem to perform different levels of attraction for women. I'm curious if any trends emerge. Can you rank the following activities one through ten in order of their attractiveness (or, if we dare, the ability to "turn you on") when a man does them? Lifting weights/working out Cooking (NOT grilling out) Jogging (shirt on/off matter?) On his hands and knees scrubbing a toilet Washing dishes Sawing lumber Dancing Giving a speech Playing the piano or other musical instrument Singing Feel free to list other activities, however slight or strange which make a man look attractive to you. Next, rank the following features that you prefer most: Smile Height Hair (color, length or just presence!) Eyes Skin (pale vs tanned) Arms (muscular or no) Body (taut and toned, all the way up to a bit flabby) Body hair (chest/arms) Facial hair
  3. ok question, "GRAPHIC"

    All these responses just make me question why I've been so careful about waiting for someone if she won't care...
  4. Willpower

    Not on its own. There, but for the grace of God, go we all...
  5. Subjective Morality?

    "There are no absolutes" is an absolute statement, thereby invalidating its own existence. Yeah. Truth is objective.
  6. I mean, no offense, but I'm not too interested in false dichotomies and loaded questions designed to force an alternate conclusion. If there's any place on the internet where fellow virgins can confide their frustration, disappointment and even disgust, it should be here. There's plenty of places for married couples seeking resolution, broken people searching for renewal, and the rest of the world still mindlessly chasing sex. Unless I'm wrong, this is a haven for the few of us still trying to keep our heads held high while being pelted by Glamour magazine, Abercrombie & Fitch and Kim Kardashian. I recognize some come here to recommit, and I'm proud of them, but there's different perspectives there. It's tough living in a world which soaks itself in sex, mocks those that don't, and then expects us to be forgiving when they finally get their head screwed on straight. So again, if we can't hash out some of the brutal honesty and ugly reality that goes with the territory, where did you expect us to go?
  7. I wish I hated my own sins as much as I hate the sins of others, but sometimes it is easy because I've never slept with someone else. Some suggest I am not unattractive, and opportunity has certain arisen, but I believed I was preserving something for my future bride. If I thought she was not returning the favor, I would find it more difficult to justify my decision. In fact, to further the sin, I would want to break my own gift to spite her for breaking hers. I'm not proud of it, but there it is. That being said, I think there's a distinction between moral behavior and personal preference. That is, asserting or holding an opinion that sex outside of marriage is always wrong, versus the personal preference to marry only someone who has abided by the same principle. As far as preferring someone who has waited...that's our prerogative. The world is a series of costs and benefits. If you want to benefit from having a nicer car, the costs are higher. If you want to benefit from having spur-of-the-moment sex in the back of a car, you foreclose on the opportunity of breathtaking anticipation and mind-blowing fulfillment which comes from saving yourself for your wedding night and giving yourself to only one person, the one to whom you're married. And, sorry, that's the way I look at it. You made your decision: cheap sex. Now you have to live with it. I don't want you. If that ticks you off, then fine, you are free to be as disgusted by my reaction as I am by your action. I know it sounds harsh, but bear in mind this world carries a stigma and mockery for someone trying to do the right thing, and I have tolerated that scorn for years. Pardon me if I'm a little disgusted by someone who's just like everyone else. I am trying to keep my mind open to what God wants for me, and to bear in mind some people were not raised under the same rules as I was, but it still doesn't matter. Consequences are consequences.
  8. "Waiting is too hard!"

    I beg your pardon to correct you, but I feel I must assert that these are not men. They are adolescent pups in heat. Our cynical generation has simultaneously spurned and pined after the concepts of romanticism, leading women to feel unreasonable to ask for a man who would walk across broken glass to save her. Woman have assented to less in men, and have almost given them permission to become the pigs and slobs they are. I hope you'll elevate your gender (and thereby elevate mine) by not doing so. As usual, there is an underlying issue. It's not just about sex. It's about how a man will put his feelings, needs and wants aside to honor you. Pressuring you into surrendering something priceless and precious because he wants to get his thing cracked is a moral failing to override any other attributes you think he has to make him worthwhile. Verdict:
  9. I'm sure this has been debated in a previous thread, but our search function is far from diligent in helping uncover it, so if you know where that thread is, feel free to graft. The question arises from an actual situation: I was concerned when my out-of-town roommate scheduled a friend of his to do some editing from our home while I was there. Being a single female, I presumed I would find some way to be gone so as to avoid being home alone behind closed doors with another female. This turned out not to be practical due to my shifts, but nothing was improper. I actually found conversation with her interesting and easy. We had common interests, semi-common beliefs, and when I realized I'd left my loaded pistol on the counter and tried to cover (some people are afraid of guns) she exclaimed that she loved shooting. In fact, by chance or design, we wound up discussing the frustrations of being single, and what we looked for in another mate. (I smell a trap.) She essentially held to all the things I hold, right down to the WTM core. Then she mentioned that she had been previously married and that her husband simply left her, and that she adhered to the same values but that waiting was, in her estimation, "a thousand percent harder." It seems the Lord keeps throwing what-if scenarios at me to see how I react, and this one was interesting. She held to purity, and nowadays the morality of divorce can be questionable and murky under the best of circumstances. I certainly don't hold her to be impure by any means. But she is divorced, and yet she isn't a virgin. Nor was she in the best of traditions on beauty. I don't ask for advice, but rather use it as a springboard for discussion: Do you think you'd be okay marrying someone in this situation?
  10. Friendly VS Flirty/Touchy

    Are you asking about his response, or theirs? If his, and you don't have lines of communication open enough to mention it annoys you, there's probably a roundabout way to bring it up. If he isn't encouraging it, then the best thing to do is be big and let it slide off. He may be oblivious (or pretending to be) and if so you might say "that lady was totally flirting with you!" If he finds out you're jealous, he'll probably think it's pretty cute and amusing. If he's flirting back with them, then you may have issues. If you're worried about their response, gyms are popular haunts for women looking to snag a guy. This is probably to be expected, and as long as he shrugs it off or keeps it in check, you needn't worry. And then, there are some people who are touchy-feely to everyone and that's just how they interact. I can think of at least one teacher who was very invasive to my body space and it made me uncomfortable at first, but she wasn't being inappropriate in the slightest, that was just her style. Bottom line, you don't wanna be accusatory to him. Give him an out by informing him they were flirting with him and see how he responds.
  11. Like minded people?

    You have to either figure out what like-minded people like you are doing, and then go do that. Or, learn to play well on your own. I chose the latter. And found a few likeminded people along the way. Most of them don't really want to talk about it though. Whereabouts in KY, just curious?
  12. Ok maybe i need some guy advice on this!

    So, technically this is harassment. I think part of you likes this, but not enough to override the fact he's creeping you out. He needs to know he can't do this to people, so you should block his number, ignore his texts and cut him off. Otherwise, you're rewarding and reinforcing his harassing behavior.
  13. Virginity mistake...?

    It really seems the poor lady hasn't learned anything from her bad experience. Her typographical therapy session, her confession to explain how and why she got it all wrong, and she still misses the whole point. She let "no sex" define the relationship as much as some people let sex define it. Relationships shouldn't live or die by the sex. They should live or die by a thousand other facets of a relationship, from conversation and compatibility to common interests and goals. Hers seems based almost exclusively on "we're not having sex, but at least we're doing it together." It hit her like a ton of bricks on her wedding day, they knew very little about each other. And she still blames the SEX? And concludes she should have had sex sooner? Honestly.
  14. Rejection question

    Going to have to agree with the "it depends" crowd. There is at least one person out there who, if she came back and said she had been interested before but wasn't ready, or was otherwise involved, and yes of COURSE she had waited, I'd be like, "Oh, I see. ....... So what are you doing tonight?"
  15. Dating Sites?

    Had the conversation on here before, but short answer, I found no use whatsoever in eHarmony. Match has turned up some surprisingly close-to-the-mark results, none of which lasting (to date).
  16. "I love you just the way you are." It's a nice song lyric, but sometimes I wonder if that sentiment doesn't preclude people aspiring to be more eligible in their search for a mate. If marriage is a job, then like any other job, we ought to be working to pump up our resume to get the position with the company we want, right? I remember being taken aback by one friend who noted being very intentional in working on her marriage, and aspiring to certain roles or duties, as if she felt an obligation to her husband to make herself do better and be better. A trifling thing, but it struck me as rare and led me to ask this question: Guys, what do you perceive as your "husbandly duties" to perform? What do you aspire to be able to do, what are you adding to your Husband Resume? Ladies, what do you expect, or hope to expect, out of your man? What duties or obligations do you want him to feel towards you, and what would you like to see on a Man Resume? Let's say the top 7.
  17. Changes

    Upping your calorie count (with the right calories) is actually what anyone has to do to bulk up...
  18. What a Tease!

    I agree about what's been said before. But speaking from experience, there are subtler ways of leading someone on. I'm generally someone who makes genuine inquiries about someone's well-being, and listens to their troubles. The emotional comfort and even intimacy brought about by self-disclosure, seems to have been unknowingly leading someone on, just by trying to be a friend. Meanwhile, I was lately the victim of a quite attractive and bright young lady who made startlingly compassionate inquiries after myself, who carried on conversations (online) with such friendliness and encouragement as to provoke definite attraction on my part. We'd collaborated together on several projects and worked well together. We recently had occasion to meet during mutual attendance at a conference, and my attempts to meet were rebuffed in nearly every way. During one or two brief encounters, she was unnecessarily harsh, and while specifically making time to see me, complained of feeling unwell and left within 15 minutes. The girl was a combination of so many things I found attractive that I considered trying to move passed the fact she hadn't waited. I never got the opportunity. So, personal hurts aside, teasing or leading on has many forms.
  19. Changes

    Getting a bit more fit would definitely be on the agenda. Being less prideful, more humble, sensitive, and finding a decent middle ground on intimacy without crossing my own boundaries, drawn well inside what most would consider necessary.
  20. "Hanging out" in the bedroom

    Oy, yeah, bedroom = forbidden if I'm in a relationship. Laying in the bed cuddling? As if hormones weren't strong enough. Put next to a warm female body on a bed in privacy, and the wrong emotions take over. I wouldn't even consider it. Kudos to you for the same conviction.
  21. My Boyfriend Says...

    OLB: Now when you say....backbone..... Ultimately Snow, this is the ultimate test of your potential relationship. Will he respect you enough to wait (keeper) or will he not? It's actually a blessing to have such a test available to you.
  22. If Married You could go back and have a chat with Pre-Honeymoon You, what are the three things you would tell yourself?
  23. My Boyfriend Says...

    I'd suggest applying the gambling addiction slogan: "Know when to stop before you start." You have to draw the lines in the sand, for you and he BOTH, before you ever find yourself alone or in a compromising situation. If you wait til then to call the shots, your system will be electrified with hormones, whose role in part is to tell you that this feels too right to be wrong. (Lie.) I'd have difficulty staying with someone who jokes that I'll compromise, much less someone who doesn't hold the same standard. The right mate would be rooting for me, cheering me on, doing everything they could to make sure I hold to my standard. As for your worries on telling him no...if he were a good man, you would not be afraid to tell him no. Never be afraid to stand by what YOU know is right. You may owe it to him to shut the gates, bar the door and slap him out of his little hormone stupor. Also, my personal advice, avoid being alone with him, especially behind closed doors where no one else can see. And don't get into any prolonged kissing sessions where you lean back and he leans in, that sort of thing. Can't end well!
  24. Eye Contact

    It's uncomfortable because it's so intense and personal. The eyes are the window to the soul...you feel like a peeping Tom to look too long. That should go away if you spend enough time together, and if not, I would wonder why she is still uncomfortable with it. Just simple drinking in of each others' gaze would be incredibly intimate.
  25. Would You Allow Your Wife To Groom You?

    Absolutely. I've even contemplated getting massage training.