on the fence

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About on the fence

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  • Birthday 09/22/1981

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  1. love

    Agreed. I cant imagine any woman saying that to me. Hes playing guilt on you for having standards and therefore alienated you, a horrible feeling. Love waits. or battles with you to wait, it is where the heart is at. I am not condemning those who had slip ups. If you end up marrying someone with similar values can you imagine the night you say "im not in the mood". Think of all of the possible scenarios. Waiting builds character for the tough times in marriage (you can actually get along and not use sex as a crutch).
  2. love

    Sorry to hear this. I know the feeling. Ok so what are your options? How are you going to move forward to respect your morals/faith and get past this guy. There are other cute christian guys available right? Is there a waiter guy friend you can talk to? There are things a guy WILL NOT TELL YOU about his sexual life/practices, he told you a very important piece. Please evaluate this before you go chasing out of insecurity.
  3. Okay, now ladieessssssss! (Yeah?)

    you really want to know? watch her eyes! LOL
  4. What if you found....

    Ok- so you do the "not a big deal" thing let it go, but give her your concerns that you havent even seen your own wedding video nor was their any collage of the two of you...... You find this bucket stashed in a different spot another year later Go!
  5. What if you found....

    Ok no right or wrong answer her I after a few years of marriage you came across a bucket of love letters and pics of your wife and her ex boyfriends. How would you handle this? try to be detailed GO!
  6. I like the train of thought.
  7. best maintained on facebook (as it is lowest on the intimacy chain) however I think double dates/ hang with a group/bbq A-ok
  8. I didnt do that, but my friends did lol.
  9. The truth with a lot of friends I have had through the years is that sex is fun, but hurts horrible after when you know they are having sex with multiple other guys and or there is no commitment. Even if committed it becomes the focus, not loyalty, trust, intimacy....yes high school for me was scary like this. If anyone feels this way they should join a group of christian friends who share the same goal. One of my friends is in serious conflict over his week long stand out of the country, he checks this womans facebook all the time. The pain of that week for him is crippling and in a way has bound him to not get out and live 1) because he knows better 2) realizes it was selfish and self serving and left him more empty and more lustful. With every one of these incidences he tells me his standard was lowered out of guilt and the thought that no christian would accept me" I already sinned so why not just go for this standard over and over. (black or white thinking)
  10. wish I found this 7 yrs ago

    The sins of the father are passed down right? Let me tell you that its not about me most of the time, its about my son and the brainwashing he has to endure. My FIL was a police officer in a school, he had up to 30+ yrs in prison. The family hired the defense attorney (yup) and he only spent 6 months in jail (which I didn't even know until a few weeks ago). I have been through hell. The depths of secrets and darkness in this missionary family are beyond even my understanding.
  11. wish I found this 7 yrs ago

    I fought for custody, its a long drawn out process that cost me over $25K now (19 months). You see she tried to bankrupt me with false accusations to protect her family. I fought for truth, confronted the bastard and her mother. I had to be burned, I was labeled as her father (the abuser, neglectful husband), she turned every mutual friend against me. As I am in medical school its pretty hard to convince anyone of this, and with the court system she didn't but the slander did horrendous damage. I will post more later..... 50/50 split. Too hard in this state (I had videos of my son telling me age inappropriate things) "mom hates you" "moms so sad" "I feel so guilty" does your 4 year old say these things? Ya im broken, but trying to move on..
  12. wish I found this 7 yrs ago

    sexual abuse happened until she left her home growing up. When MIL told my parents that she was ok with the abuse and didnt want her husband going to prison, I pretty much emotionally snapped. Perhaps ill share the full story on what it was like trying to love someone like this....above myself, more importantly over God, I need to get this out, thats just the beginning.
  13. wish I found this 7 yrs ago

    hey posters, im on the fence, Seeking advice and hopefully understanding after a marriage that should have never happened. Most every article and post I have read (including the 7 emotions) are hitting pretty hard right now. At one point my faith was my life... the pain I have experienced of betrayal and emotional abuse in my marriage has overriden most ever good thing about me, at times my faith does not exist. Now a single father my motivation for saving myself completely (hello not a virgin, and girls know that) is destroyed by pain and loneliness. I have read the posts of the men and women and I hear you, I bleed with sorrow....I was that person, I wanted to pull my guts out, I cried my days and nights away. At first my feelings were unjustified, but after significant rebuttals and prideful responses I had to make a choice to get out. I saw a counselor (not a good one) and was thinking of getting out. I knew, I knew, I knew!... But did nothing, for fear of loss. I could not be single, I was too insecure, I grew up with a family system of such drama and chaos I could not date for the fear of messing up like my family members had. It was very co-dependant. With so many abusive things in the marriage you probably are in question the reason I could not give my ex the boot. . I did compromise my values and married without "listening" and seeing the red flags. You could consider it love, but not the love I wanted....oh how this carried out into our marriage of 7 years. Especially after the story I tell of the unknown abusive upbringing I came to know about my wife months before she abandoned the marriage. I represent the other side of the coin. What christian girl will want someone in their late 20's with a 5 year old.The pain before marriage was enough to kill off any relationship, the pain of abandonment after being her protector was the worst, the pain of being a single father knowing the standards of christian girls feels overwhelming (I had them too) It feels like a complete loss at times.