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About Invincible

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    Saint Vincent

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    Portland, OR
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    Video games, shooting guns, computers, technology, eating good food, watching movies.

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  1. Great video, @ellegabrielle! I've actually seen this video before. Emily Wilson is a great godly influence especially to Christian girls. What she says in this video rings true with what I see in my own friends. I used to have a "friend" who thought my choice to wait is stupid, yet he is always depressed jumping from one girl to the next. He is the kind of guy who has sex on a first date (and he's had many of those). Nothing is special to him and he wonders why he can never have a stable relationship. Also, one of my best friend's brother has casual sex every so often. Recently he contracted an STD because he had unprotected sex with a girl who claimed she was clean. Very foolish on his part and now that mistake will likely affect him for the rest of this life. I hate seeing them suffer, but they reap what they sow. Even people who aren't Christians can't deny that God created sex solely for marriage and having it outside of his design leads to brokenness. We can see the consequences from those around us that just reinforces that we are making the right choice to wait. Yes, the wait is difficult but dealing with the life-long consequences could be many times more difficult. People talk about the awkwardness of the first time as if it's a bad thing. I think it can be a good thing to learn and grow together with your spouse and you can look back at the awkwardness and just laugh. Because I think if nothing else, it is much worse to have slept with many people and have all those experiences and memories plague your marriage.
  2. Temporary Chatroom Activated

    Hey guys, Here's an update. Mike said that the old chat software has been discontinued. So he is currently searching for new alternatives. Let's hope it will be soon.
  3. Don't understand guys

    Just because we disagree on something as arbitrary as who we choose to be friends with doesn't mean we have different faiths. That is such a ridiculous claim. Fundamental doctrines aside, we would be hardpressed to find anyone who agrees 100% with every nitty gritty thing that even their own pastor teaches. But that's besides the point. Yes I did read the whole chapter in context but it doesn't change a thing. In fact, in verse 12 right before the passages you pointed out, He says, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." Jesus is using Himself as the perfect example of how we ought to treat each other. All throughout the passage, Jesus talks about how if we bear good fruit and keep His commands, then we are in Him. That is how everyone of us who follows Christ ought to live. It would be ludicrous to argue this command only applies to the Apostles and not to the rest of us who believe. Yes, He is asking for friendship with Him, but He also says to do the same by loving each other as He has loved us. Real friendship isn't something as superficial as "a day out with a married woman." It is a communal effort as one church body in Christ that we may encourage each other, carry each other's burdens and sacrifice for one another in order to further God's Kingdom. Furthermore, even without this particular passage, I have shown biblical evidence of how a godly friendship with good boundaries between married people of the opposite sex ought to be. I keep asking for biblical evidence that completely forbids opposite sex friendships within marriage yet you fail to produce anything except saying "it's not going to fly in my house anyway." That is your personal opinion and all fine and good, it isn't based on Scripture, therefore it isn't forbidden in a Christian's life. So I took the liberty myself to do a search for commentary on the matter from various authorities in the faith, including the staunchly conservative Focus on the Family Ministries. Even they admit that nowhere in Scripture forbids it. To be sure, almost every source I checked did strongly advocate wise discernment in dealing with such friendships and never allowing them to compromise a marriage in any way. But then that is the exact same sentiment I have always taken and nothing less. Is it "safer" for a marriage to not have any opposite sex friends at all? Yes probably. I can grant you that. But I definitely don't think it is sinful in and of itself. I think this is an area where God allows us freedom to go either way as long as we exercise good and godly judgment. Anyways, we've gone back and forth long enough and we're not getting anywhere. You have your own convictions, which I respect and I have mine. Let's just leave it at that. You are free to respond if you want, but this time, I am truly done. May God bless you in your walk with Him.
  4. Don't understand guys

    @Amarillo You are perfectly free to not have any of the aforementioned friendships. You are definitely not wrong in doing so. However, you still have not provided any biblical evidence to refute my evidence. All you have done is say I'm projecting or its just common sense. But I can see we are not getting anywhere so its best to just agree to disagree on this. On a side note, I am by no means a "liberal Christian." I despise what feminism has done to our society and to the church. I do not believe it is biblical for women to teach in church over men or be elders. I also believe husbands have spiritual leadership over wives and wives are to submit to that leadership. Both of which cause feminists to lose their minds and that makes me happy I just happen to not see any biblical evidence to support cutting off opposite sex friends in marriage. I am of course open to be corrected. I do not see this as being a feminist issue.
  5. Don't understand guys

    So Paul, Aquilia and Priscilla can work together, travel together, live together and risk their lives for each other and yet somehow they are simply acquaintances? Sorry, that simply won't fly. Clearly this is far beyond just "hanging out." They are actively involved in each other's lives very profoundly. These are not things you do with folks you are simply acquainted with. Here is what the Lord Jesus Christ's definition of friendship is: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." -John 15:13 As I've shown in Romans 16: 3-4, Paul commended Aquila and Priscilla for risking their lives on his behalf. They were willing to die for him if need be. That is the very definition of a friend according to Christ. To claim otherwise is to willfully ignore what is plainly said in Scripture and would require mental gymnastics that go far beyond the realm of logic and reason. They are not just friends but deeply close friends. There is simply no way around it. I'm not sure why you would use Lydia as an argument. Your assertion is that men and women should never be friends after marriage. All that is recorded about Lydia is that she heard Paul's message and was awakened by the Lord. Then she invited him and others into her home. There is nothing said about her that even implies a forbidding of a friendship between married friends of the opposite sex. The only argument you have given is that such friendships are inappropriate yet provide no Scriptural evidence because it's just "common sense." Yet I have given clear Scriptural evidence otherwise. I think that we can all agree that friendship dynamics must change and enforce strict boundaries when one gets married. Yet there is nothing to suggest a blanket command against all opposite sex friendships within marriage.
  6. Don't understand guys

    As @PG1 said, if that is your personal opinion, then okay. We can agree to disagree, and I do disagree. But I do know the three of us are Christians and if your argument is based on the Bible, I don't know how one can come to that conclusion at least in the absolute sense. If indeed your argument is based on the Bible, the best example I can think of to refute this is the case of Paul. In Acts 18, we see that Paul met Aquila and Priscilla, a married couple in Corinth. It says that they were Paul's fellow co-workers in ministry in which they traveled together and lived together for a time. Then in Romans 16:3-4, Paul commends Aquila AND Priscilla for risking their lives on his behalf. This clearly demonstrates that Paul was in fact close friends not just with Aquila but with Priscilla as well. Beyond that, the New Testament constantly refers the Church as "one body" in Christ. I don't see how it is biblical or practical to truly be one body yet totally disassociated ourselves from any friendly ties with the opposite sex which hypothetically makes up half of the body. We are called to encourage each other and worship together. So i completely disagree that there is absolutely zero gain from such connections. The only thing that must be not gained is any romantic entanglements. On the other hand, I am not so naive as to deny that temptation is very real. Paul says "All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful." As such, I think it is vital that a married person exercises wisdom in determining whether a particular friendship with one of the opposite sex is conducive or not. If yes, then strong boundaries are absolutely imperative. We can have enriching friendships with the opposite sex and at the same time respect a marriage. Personally, I have quite a lot of married female friends and I have an agreement with all of them that we do not hang out one on one and they never tell me anything they won't tell their husbands.
  7. Dating Site Mistakes

    I don't think you're doing anything seriously wrong. I tried online dating for a couple years but now stopped (technically my profile is still up). I experienced the same thing. I never got a single date out of it nor did I get any responses except for one short "thanks but no thanks" kind of reply. This is just how online dating is. The experiences between men and women are vastly different. For most girls, they get tons of messages a day from creepy guys so they have less patience in reading all their messages, even from well meaning guys. For us guys, we can throw out hundreds of messages and would be lucky just to hear back from one girl. I think the problem with online dating is most people have the wrong expectations going into it. It's very much a "marketplace" mentality where you seemingly have thousands of choices at your fingertips. People may see profiles that interest them, but there's always the feeling that there is someone else better out there. So it's easy for people to be tempted to look for absolute perfection. Seriously, I check my profile from time to time and I still recognize girls on there that I saw years ago. Sure there are people who do meet someone great that leads to a long term relationship, but those are the really rare lucky ones. It sucks but it is what it is. Online dating for the most part is a big joke.
  8. How do you know if he/she is the one?

    @ellegabrielle, Thanks for the post! I'm sorry to hear your relationship ended. But I completely agree with your assessment and many of us need to hear it. I used to believe in "the One," or the idea that God has only one specific person for you. I also believed that you will know who is the one when God "tells" you. The problem is often times, we often project what we want to be true onto what we believe God's will is for our lives. I think this whole belief of "the One" comes from Hollywood influencing even the church on how we view our love lives. In truth, I don't think anywhere in the Bible states that God has only one special person planned for each of us. In fact, God never promises all of us a spouse period. What it does say is it gives us guidance on what to look for in a spouse and how a godly marriage should look like. Beyond that, I believe God gives us freedom to choose our spouses. I believe He will bless whoever you choose provided that the other person is also pursuing God and you feel at peace with the other person's good qualities and shortcomings. Just because the other person is a strong Christian doesn't mean they are right for you if you don't feel at peace with other things about their life.
  9. I don't remember anyone here saying virginity only applies to females. The definition of virgin according to in a sexual context is defined as "a person who has never had sexual intercourse." It doesn't say "a woman" or "female" so it applies to both men and women. So I'm not sure where you're getting that idea from. Second of all, the breaking of the hymen can occur without the act of coitus. She can break it in a variety of ways such as sitting on a bicycle seat or during a thorough medical exam. Even after coitus, a woman's hymen doesn't always break. So she could not be a virgin and still retain her hymen. I also would imagine any self respecting woman would be insulted if the man she was involved with wanted to check her hymen out of disbelief. Because that shows he doesn't trust her and therefore she shouldn't be with someone like that anyways. Bottom line is, there is absolutely no 100% foolproof way to tell whether a man or a woman is a virgin or not. It all comes down to whether you take their word for it or not. What is more important in my view is trust, commitment and love. That may not be enough for some people and I get that. All I know is that it's good enough for me.
  10. That is honestly the dumbest thing I've ever heard. At least the second or the third dumbest, but still. From what I understand, sex is much more emotional for women than men as a general rule. Telling a woman not to be emotionally invested during sex is like telling a man not to get aroused with a naked woman in front of him. It's going to happen because it's natural. But that's beside the point. There is absolutely no sense of exclusivity if you can just sleep with whoever you want. You might as well not even consider yourself in a relationship if there are no boundaries. This is exactly the reason I won't date someone who is simply waiting because I asked her to. I want her to have chosen that path for herself. Because I want someone who truly understands the value of waiting and fully appreciates the fact that I waited for her. Waiting is a big sacrifice, especially since fighting my sexual urges is a daily battle. Some days the urges are just downright torturous I don't want to be with someone who has at best a neutral view and at worst think that me waiting was unnecessary or even stupid. The same thing is true for you. You waiting for your future husband is a very honorable and sacrificing thing. The right man will fully recognize your sacrifice and fully appreciate the precious gift that it is. I have felt similar things like that. I've never been in a relationship before, but I had painful images in my head over girls I've been really interested in being with other guys they were interested in. It sucks to have a vivid imagination and it often made me feel inadequate or not good enough. So I get where you're coming from. Maybe not nearly to the degree you felt because you were actually in relationship with this guy. But nevertheless those strong emotions where there. I am sorry you had to go through that. Your ex-bf is a real jerk to put you through that Well, in my parent's culture it is common for parents to compare their kids negatively with other people's kids. They often say things like, "Look at Bob's kids, they get all straight A's while all you get are B's." So I've grown to have a particular distaste for being compared to others. It's damaging to a person's self esteem and it sends the message that I'm not good enough. Comparisons should have absolutely no place in a loving relationship. No one should ever be made to feel as if they are not good enough. Here's how I look at it. When you're with the wrong person, you will never be good enough for him no matter what you do. But with the right guy, you will be everything he prayed for just for being yourself. Good for you. You did the right thing. I hope you have a speedy recovery from the breakup.
  11. So he did lie to you. He was essentially living in secrecy and didn't tell you the truth because he knew you'd be upset. But he shouldn't be close friends with her in the first place. That is emotional cheating as far as I'm concerned. Because he shared a really important secret that affects your relationship with someone else. If he actually encourages you to do the opposite if the roles were reversed then that alone shows you both have fundamentally incompatible views. In fact, his views are incompatible with a healthy relationship, period. To maintain close ties with someone you slept with is blatantly disrespectful by any decent standard. By doing that, he is subjecting you, his significant other, the pain of having to be reminded of the fact she knew him more intimately than you ever did. That is sick and ridiculously selfish. Just when you think he couldn't get any worse, he somehow blows out your expectations in the worst way. Not only did he completely dismiss your concerns, but he is comparing you with someone else. That is emotional abuse to the core. Basically he is belittling you by insinuating you are not good enough by using someone else as a standard you "fall short" of in his eyes. I agree wholeheartedly, @Geraldine. There is no other way to say this. But he simply doesn't care about you, not one bit. Someone who genuinely loves and cares about you wouldn't even dream of saying these horrible things to you. A truly good man would do anything to protect your heart and your relationship. He would never dream of making you feel insecure of his commitment to you in any shape or form. @Innocence, please for love of all that is good and holy, leave him. He's a lying and a manipulative cheater. You deserve so much better than this scumbag.
  12. Yes I think being in good terms would be the right way to go about it if they became believers. But I definitely agree that being close friends would be inappropriate especially when one of them gets into a relationship. Yep, that is exactly my view as well. Sex bonds two people not just physically and emotionally, but spiritually as well. Contrary to the lies of society, it's never "just sex." There are real physical and spiritual consequences to it. There is even a very powerful chemical bond between the two. Being close friends with a former sex partner is playing with fire and just raises the likelihood of fanning those old feelings again. Please do not mistake forgiveness with acceptance. As @Geraldine said, forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to be in a relationship with him. Even Jesus disassociates Himself from those who do not believe in Him (Matthew 7: 21-23). Don't let them shame you into thinking you are less of a Christian. Forgiveness doesn't equal tolerance nor does it mean you excuse wrongdoing. It just means you acknowledge what was done wrong yet you don't hold it against them anymore. You don't have to have any association or even like that individual as a person. It simply means you let do of any bitterness you have against that person. I would have reacted the same way if I was in your position. I would be deeply hurt that the person I cared about is close friends with a former sex partner. What he did was wrong and disrespectful to you and your relationship. I don't care how society justifies it, it is still wrong. Contrary to what many would say, there is such a thing as righteous jealousy. Even God said he is a jealous God who wants all of us to worship Him and no one else. In the same way, it is good to have a healthy sense of jealousy to want our significant other's heart all to ourselves and not have anyone threaten that. Just so long as it doesn't manifest in a controlling way. I agree @Innocence, you did nothing wrong and you reacted in the proper and natural way. Stay true to your values and don't let anyone shame you for having them
  13. New here! :)

    Welcome Kayla! I'm glad you decided to commit yourself to waiting again. It's never too late to start over. You will find plenty of support here.
  14. Wow, that quite a confusing keeping track of all the Persons that I had to reread it a couple times to make sure I understood. lol First off, I don't believe in asking a significant other to cut ties with a friend unless that friend is either a toxic influence on her or the friend is trying to sabotage our relationship. That being said, I cannot be with someone who is close friends with someone they slept with. It's simply out of the question. It's already difficult enough having to deal with the fact she isn't a virgin. It would be too much to handle having to be around that person and watching my girl enjoy his company knowing full well they were naked and intimate together. I know that I would be unfairly hostile and resentful towards him. I am just being honest. I just couldn't handle it. In addition, I don't think people should be friends with people they slept with. I don't have a problem with people being friends with an ex as long as it was in a limited capacity and they didn't sleep together. But sex is such a powerful and intimate act. I don't understand how two people who slept together can remain friends and act like nothing happened. Either they both don't see sex as a big deal or their past experience has bonded them in such a way that they still are holding on to lingering feelings towards each other. Whatever the case, I don't want to be with a girl like that. I also have to wonder how someone could possibly not mention to their significant other that one of their close friends is a ex sex partner. Sexual past is a big deal, it's not something one just conveniently forget to bring up in the beginning. It makes me believe that she is trying to hide that fact from me. Both people should be completely transparent about any major past baggage. When you enter a romantic relationship, the other person has the right to know these things. If the girl I'm with doesn't bring it up on her own accord then it says to be she is either lying by omission or doesn't see sex as a big deal. Once again, I wouldn't want to be with a girl like that because she is either not trustworthy or we have fundamentally different values. So to answer your question after that long-winded novel, I wouldn't ask her to end the friendship her friend. I would simply end the relationship with the girl.
  15. Give the Guy a Chance to be a Gentleman

    So....I have a confession to make: I have read the Girl Defined blog for quite a bit in the past. (Don't tell anyone else in the forums ) But seriously though, the two sisters who run the blog are some wonderful, godly young women and they write lots of great articles. I especially love how they focus a lot on encouraging girls to embrace godly femininity even in a culture that looks down on it. There is definitely a lack of gentlemen in today's world for multiple reasons. Part of it is because of the evils of feminism. They wanted to be treated exactly the same as a man, well that's what they got. They have no right to complain about the lack of gentlemen. Another reason is because there are a lot of idiot "fathers," or rather sperm donors, who abandon the mothers and their children. As a result, many boys were not taught how to be a real man and treat women properly. As a man who strongly desires to be a father, I take this as a personal offense. They helped bring children into their world unintentionally and didn't stick around to raise them, all the while guys like me are still waiting and who would love to be in their shoes. One of the reasons I love this blog is because these two sisters always encourages fellow women to build men up. That is an almost blasphemous idea in today's postmodern feminist world where often times talking down and disrespecting men is normalized. There is this battle of the sexes mentality that runs deep in society and we are taught to view the opposite sex as competitors or even enemies. It is Satan who tried to pit Adam and Eve against each other and therefore delights in animosity norm between men and women today. But these girls understand that God designed both men and women to be partners not enemies. They are right in that women have a unique ability to spur a man to reach his highest potential. God created it to be so when he created Eve to be Adam's helper, to make him strong where he is weak and vice versa. We see all throughout human history that women have been the greatest motivator for men to achieve great things. When a man goes off to war, he isn't just fighting for his country, he is fighting for a woman at home. His wife gives him a reason to fight his best so that he can come home alive to her. She encourages him to work hard and be a productive member of society in order to provide for her. She encourages him to be a leader and a protector. And as we see in this case, women encourage us to be men of character and to give us a reason to live for someone else other than ourselves. Personally I am so thankful for all the wonderful women in my life who have helped shape me into the man I am, imperfections and all. You know who you are And that is the crux of the other half of this issue, isn't it? Ladies, you cannot expect a man to be a gentleman if you yourself don't act like a lady. If you swear like a sailor, dress like a prostitute or call us sexist when we open the door for you then that's not giving us much reason to become one. Of course we ought to be a gentlemen anyways, but you also need to be ladies too. One thing I can't stand is this "princess complex" we give to so many girls these days. We tell them they deserve the world and a man who will worship the ground she walks on all the while acting like a difficult and petulant child. In order to find someone great, you need to be someone great. Now this is a classic example of how much influence a woman has on a man. Personally this is one of those "little things" that I really hope my future wife does for me. Words of affirmation is my top love language so hearing sincere words of admiration and appreciation greatly encourages me to be better. Nothing makes a man feel more masculine than to recognize his strength, both physical and mental. It also helps tremendously to tell him that he makes you feel safe around him.