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About Invincible

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    Saint Vincent

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    Portland, OR
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    Video games, shooting guns, computers, technology, eating good food, watching movies.

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  1. Well no one is ever truly too old to find a quality person since there are quality single people of every age group. The problem is the likelihood of finding such person diminishes as we age. This is just the truth. I know it feels hopeless at times because I'm in a similar stage. I'm 32 and it feels like my chances of finding someone compatible are slim. But I would encourage you never to lower your standards. It's not worth it. It's important for us to be honest what kind of compromises we are willing to make. But we should never compromise on things we are not willing to budge on, like faith or general world views. I believe lowering standards on dealbreakers is worse than being single forever. Because if you do, there will always be that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that this isn't right and you will grow to resent the other person unfairly. That will lead to both of you feeling unhappy. I've seen this happen in several marriages and it's not pretty. There is no passion or romance in these marriages because they were unhappy that they settled. But I do understand the struggle. Even though I'm a bit younger than you, I feel like most women around my age bracket has either been divorced before and/or have had kids with other men or have an extremely bitter view of all men in general. Those are things I don't want to deal with. I can possibly handle a non-virgin who has slipped up once or twice in the past provided she really regrets it and has gotten right with God about it. But I cannot be with a woman who has slept around with lots of men. I just can't do it. So yeah, it does seem like the chances of finding what I'm looking for aren't good. I really do feel for older women though. At least for us guys, it is more socially acceptable for us to date women who are quite a bit younger, like even 10 years younger. Which is kind of what I am aiming for anyways. However, since you seem to have no problem dating younger guys, that does help your chances for sure. Have faith and don't give up.
  2. I'm glad to have found this site!

    Welcome, rotorgirl. It is easy to doubt our choice to wait sometimes. But we don't do this to please man, we do it to please God. If anything, I think waiting is even more valuable in this day and age because most people do the opposite. Stay strong, you're on the right path.
  3. Long Engagements

    This is exactly why I prefer short engagements. The way I see it is that once a couple decides to get engaged, they are ready to get married. If they weren't then they wouldn't have gotten engaged. That means both should be at a point where they are fully at peace with the idea of marrying that person and any significant doubts or issues have been resolved. At the point, why wait? Unless there is some practical reason to delay, I say get married ASAP. Having a longer than necessary engagement period just prolongs the temptation IMO. But that's just me.
  4. Hm.....So Jamie Grace is a Christian, picky, intentional, marriage-minded, weird, beautiful, doesn't drink, doesn't club, never been in a relationship before.....sounds like me. Jamie Grace and I should get married
  5. Expectations in marriage

    Awesome article, @Geraldine! I love April, the Peaceful Wife and watch her videos on Youtube. I hate how our society is full of people who are of the belief that the success of a marriage is measured entirely by the wife's feelings. If she's not happy then somehow it's the husband's fault for failing to fulfill her emotional needs. A husband's responsibility is to love her as Christ loves the Church, but he has no control over how his wife feels. If you watch April's videos, she has said in multiple occasions that she used to be the ultra-nagging, controlling and disrespectful wife to her husband until God convicted her heart to change. Her husband is not God, he's a sinner just as much as she is. Therefore he cannot give true happiness that only God can provide. The fact is that this kind of unrealistic expectations is born from selfishness. We cannot expect our spouses to fulfill our every single need at all times. We are going to fail each other at some point or another. I highly recommend watching April's youtube videos. She provides so much wisdom on marriage.
  6. I just realized I made a mistake. I don't know why I thought oral stimulation had anything to do with mutual masturbation. I blame lack of sleep. lol. So disregard that part. Sorry about that. But it still stand that oral sex is still intercourse.
  7. The difference is "sex" in all its forms involve penetration. Masturbation on the flip side, does not.
  8. Depends on what you mean by "oral stimulation." If you mean mutual masturbation then no, it would not be a loss of virginity, though it would still be an impure act. If you mean oral sex, then definitely they are not a virgin. Contrary to popular belief, sexual intercourse in it's actual definition isn't limited to coitus. Sexual intercourse as defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary: So while it's usually understood that intercourse refers to coitus, it is not limited to that. It is extended to sexual penetration of any kind whether it is vaginal, anal or oral.
  9. Set Apart Girl Conference 2017 ! I was there ! :D

    @Geraldine and @redgrapes, thank you for discussing the issue of homeschooling. I personally am 100% pro-homeschooling. While I do think there are still some great public school districts out there, for the most part I think the public school system is a joke. Our public school system as well as academia is plagued with politically correctness and Cultural Marxism indoctrination. They are not teaching our children how to think critically, but rather what to think. I don't want my children to be taught all these lies. I do understand some families require both parents working out of financial necessity. But if that isn't the issue, there is no reason for both parents to work. What is the point of having children if they are spending most of the day at daycare or school being raised and taught by someone else? Kids should be at home being a raised and taught full-time. Having both parents work simply to achieve a certain level of a life of luxury isn't worth all that time away from nurturing your kids. When your kids go off to college, are you going to regret not making enough to get that fancy car you wanted or are you going to regret the time you didn't spend with them growing up? Learn to live within your means and take that time to establish a strong relationship and memories with your kids. I also do not want to entrust my children to the state for 8 hours a day. Most schools can't even protect the kids from other kids who bully them. My elementary school didn't allow us to physically defend ourselves if we were physically bullied. The most we were allowed to do was "block the punch" or run away or some such nonsense. So basically if we fought back, we could be expelled, for simply defending ourselves! This is utter stupidity. If the school can't be trusted to protect my child from bullies, how can I trust them to protect my child in case a psychopath comes and commits a school shooting? When it comes to the actual teaching, homeschooling has the benefit of the children having more personal 1 on 1 time with the teacher. Rather than a public school teacher having to divide his or her attention to a room full of kids, a child can have their parent's full attention the whole time. Since the parent is the teacher, the kids can follow up with the homework or lessons and get help any time of the day. If I ever have kids, they will be homeschooled. End of story. Until then, I want to make sure I am in a place of stability that would allow my future wife to stay home and teach them without worrying about finances.
  10. There you are . Obviously correlation doesn't equal causation. But there clearly is a strong link between the number of premarital sex partners and the likelihood of divorce and over all happiness in marriage. Having premarital sex doesn't automatically mean that your marriage is doomed to fail, but studies like this is just further evidence that sex isn't "just sex." It creates a very powerful and intense bond with the other person and therefore needs to be handled with great care. Yes exactly. It does make me sad knowing that she couldn't exclusively be mine emotionally and sexually, but I could still accept her if and only if she has a complete change in mindset. She has to regret sleeping around and get right with God about it. Also, she has to be waiting out of her own accord and fully appreciate the value of waiting. I do not want to be with someone who didn't appreciate the fact that I waited for her. To me, that is almost like wasting my virginity on someone who don't think deserves it.
  11. I think the key difference is that "worthy" like what you were saying is a better way to think about it than "entitled." I think it's better to say we who have fought hard to remain virgins gives us a legitimate reason to make virginity a dealbreaker rather than actually feel like we are owed one as if it's a guarantee. Whereas a non-virgin would not have legitimate grounds to do the same since they themselves aren't one. That's not to say they cannot hope for a virgin, but they can't require a virgin without being a hypocrite. I just think it comes down to whatever we expect in a potential partner, we must expect the same of ourselves as well. Yes, that's a good point. These things we value are kind of like fine wine, especially since things like virginity become more rare the older we get. But then the double edge sword of that is because it's harder to find, the less chance of finding one who meets our requirements. It's kind of a catch 22. I totally know what you mean about the kissing thing. I think I've come to the point where I am seriously wanting to save my first kiss for marriage. I don't think there is anything wrong with kissing before marriage. But I figure if I saved myself this long, I might as well save my first kiss too. I just think it would make it a lot more special waiting on that too. Yeah that sounds about right, I would definitely agree women would more likely regret premarital sex. I think that may be because many girls were pressured to have sex from their past boyfriends when they really didn't want to. Yet they did so because they believed that is what she had to do to get him to stay. Which is wrong of course. But even so, this still brings up another issue. There have been several studies done that concludes a strong correlation between the number of premarital sex partners a girl has to her chances of a successful marriage. Basically, they state if a girl has even 1 previous sex partner, it would reduce her chances of a successful marriage by roughly 30% by average. Whereas for a man, it would take on average around 19 sex partners to have the same percentage drop. It goes down from there with each subsequent partner. This I think has to do with the fact that women usually aren't able to separate sex from emotions like most men can. Because of the high levels of oxytocin, or the "bonding" hormone that women release during sex, she creates an intense, long-lasting bond with that man. So it's not hard to imagine that bond with another man would be serious baggage in a marriage. Of course both men and women should strive for purity, but we can't pretend the consequences are the same for both. This just happens to be one area that affects girls in a much more dire way. That is quite troubling to me and I hate the idea of walking into a marriage where my chances of a successful marriage are statistically lower due to her sexual past. Sometimes I even I wonder how I am able to say virginity is not a dealbreaker for me I also agree with you about the permanent nature of actions. I don't buy into the idea of "born-again virgins." There is no such thing and I just think people think of themselves as such as a means of make oneself feel better. I know that might offend some people, but that is the truth. I don't say that to be all high and mighty because I have made terrible mistakes, lots of them. Actions have consequences and you cannot undo something once it's done. I certainly do not downplay my past mistakes because I know full well I am fully responsible for them and all I can do is learn from them. I think it shows you have a much higher sense of introspection than you may give yourself credit for. I think it's amazing that you can admit that your requirement for a virgin is not just for your own benefit but for the guy as well. You know yourself well enough to know you will unfairly resent him if you were with a non-virgin and I commend you for realizing that. That on it's own is selflessness in it's own way. I also think it is good you at least tried to work towards looking past someone's sexual baggage and it's okay if you just can't bring yourself to. You were honest with yourself and you understood the lower chances of finding a partner and accepted it. That's all that matters.
  12. To be honest, it's easier for me to say virginity was not a dealbreaker when I was younger compared to now. It still is ultimately not a dealbreaker for me now (even though some days I feel like it is), but I noticed the older I got, the more it would bother me if a girl I was with wasn't a virgin. It also doesn't help that my chances of finding a virgin gets smaller as I grow older. There are exceptions of course, but women are usually not able to separate the physical aspect of sex with the emotional part than men. I hate the idea that a part of her heart will always be with another guy or guys. I also hate the idea that somehow I wouldn't please her sexually as well as any of the previous guys. As someone who has issues with jealousy, it would really eat me up inside knowing she could never be exclusively mine. Secondly, I also have occasional feelings of entitlement when I think about how long I've waited and turned down offers for sex in the past that I felt I deserve a virgin. Like @Adam said, it wouldn't feel like a fair trade given that I've resisted my sexual urges all my life, remained STD free and endured so much loneliness. Yet despite that, she will get to have "all of me" while she could never give me the same in return. I know that love isn't about keeping score, but it is hard not to feel short changed when you've followed all the rules and did what was right. I know this isn't the right way to think because the truth is, I don't deserve anything. I am not owed a relationship, let alone with a virgin, just for doing what its right. If I ever do end up with a good woman, virgin or not, it would only be because of the grace of God. I realize that I myself have my own brokenness that I would hope a girl would look past. While I do believe everyone has the right to decide what their dealbreakers are, I still choose to not to potentially miss out on someone great because of this issue. It would be a very tough process for me, no doubt about it. First and foremost, I would need to have lots of prayer with God to give me the peace about her sexual past. I would also need reassurance from her in both words and actions that she loves me and only me and that she wishes she would have waited for me. I don't want her to be live in shame or to keep dwelling on her past, but she would have to show remorse for her sexual past. I could not be with someone who didn't see anything wrong with premarital sex or tried to justify it in any way. It's not her past that is ultimately a dealbreaker, it's her attitude of her past that counts. The biggest dealbreaker for me is if she is not a Christian. She also has to be waiting out of her own choice and not just because I asked her to.
  13. Great video, @ellegabrielle! I've actually seen this video before. Emily Wilson is a great godly influence especially to Christian girls. What she says in this video rings true with what I see in my own friends. I used to have a "friend" who thought my choice to wait is stupid, yet he is always depressed jumping from one girl to the next. He is the kind of guy who has sex on a first date (and he's had many of those). Nothing is special to him and he wonders why he can never have a stable relationship. Also, one of my best friend's brother has casual sex every so often. Recently he contracted an STD because he had unprotected sex with a girl who claimed she was clean. Very foolish on his part and now that mistake will likely affect him for the rest of this life. I hate seeing them suffer, but they reap what they sow. Even people who aren't Christians can't deny that God created sex solely for marriage and having it outside of his design leads to brokenness. We can see the consequences from those around us that just reinforces that we are making the right choice to wait. Yes, the wait is difficult but dealing with the life-long consequences could be many times more difficult. People talk about the awkwardness of the first time as if it's a bad thing. I think it can be a good thing to learn and grow together with your spouse and you can look back at the awkwardness and just laugh. Because I think if nothing else, it is much worse to have slept with many people and have all those experiences and memories plague your marriage.
  14. Temporary Chatroom Activated

    Hey guys, Here's an update. Mike said that the old chat software has been discontinued. So he is currently searching for new alternatives. Let's hope it will be soon.
  15. Don't understand guys

    Just because we disagree on something as arbitrary as who we choose to be friends with doesn't mean we have different faiths. That is such a ridiculous claim. Fundamental doctrines aside, we would be hardpressed to find anyone who agrees 100% with every nitty gritty thing that even their own pastor teaches. But that's besides the point. Yes I did read the whole chapter in context but it doesn't change a thing. In fact, in verse 12 right before the passages you pointed out, He says, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." Jesus is using Himself as the perfect example of how we ought to treat each other. All throughout the passage, Jesus talks about how if we bear good fruit and keep His commands, then we are in Him. That is how everyone of us who follows Christ ought to live. It would be ludicrous to argue this command only applies to the Apostles and not to the rest of us who believe. Yes, He is asking for friendship with Him, but He also says to do the same by loving each other as He has loved us. Real friendship isn't something as superficial as "a day out with a married woman." It is a communal effort as one church body in Christ that we may encourage each other, carry each other's burdens and sacrifice for one another in order to further God's Kingdom. Furthermore, even without this particular passage, I have shown biblical evidence of how a godly friendship with good boundaries between married people of the opposite sex ought to be. I keep asking for biblical evidence that completely forbids opposite sex friendships within marriage yet you fail to produce anything except saying "it's not going to fly in my house anyway." That is your personal opinion and all fine and good, it isn't based on Scripture, therefore it isn't forbidden in a Christian's life. So I took the liberty myself to do a search for commentary on the matter from various authorities in the faith, including the staunchly conservative Focus on the Family Ministries. Even they admit that nowhere in Scripture forbids it. To be sure, almost every source I checked did strongly advocate wise discernment in dealing with such friendships and never allowing them to compromise a marriage in any way. But then that is the exact same sentiment I have always taken and nothing less. Is it "safer" for a marriage to not have any opposite sex friends at all? Yes probably. I can grant you that. But I definitely don't think it is sinful in and of itself. I think this is an area where God allows us freedom to go either way as long as we exercise good and godly judgment. Anyways, we've gone back and forth long enough and we're not getting anywhere. You have your own convictions, which I respect and I have mine. Let's just leave it at that. You are free to respond if you want, but this time, I am truly done. May God bless you in your walk with Him.