Invincible

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About Invincible

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    Male
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    Portland, OR
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    Video games, shooting guns, computers, technology, eating good food, watching movies.

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  1. I'm going to sound like a traditionalist a lot in this reply. I think this trend of delaying marriage for the sake of career growth is part of the attempt to break down the family unit. Society doesn't value marriage like it used to. Instead of it being seen as this great thing that can enrich your life, it is seen by many as a hindrance to your life if not an outright prison. This type of mindset seems to be primarily a Western World phenomenon and not really in anywhere else in the world. We have become so hyper-individualistic in our values that career and the success that comes with it is seen as the ultimate goal in life. The rationale behind career first, marriage later is that one must have all their ducks in a row financially before starting a family. Of course it is good to think about having the ability to provide for a family. But one doesn't have to delay 5 or 10 years to reach Senior Manager position before you get married. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. If two people can at least afford an apartment together then you're pretty much set to get married. Having a partner early in life can help take the financial burden of rent and other expenses off one person when both people are working before they decide to have kids. Plus I know many couples in our parents' generation whom were brought closer together during those early years of building a life together. Today's norm of delaying marriage seems like it is a novel idea that is foreign to the rest of history. To go along with the previous point, this hyper-individualism mentality also encourages people in their younger years to "find themselves." This is often a euphemism for partying, sleeping around and generally living a purely selfish lifestyle. The idea is marriage constricts personal freedom and therefore we are encouraged to spend our youth going crazy and put off marriage later. To me, this is so backwards. If someone desires to be married someday, then we ought to spend our years before in preparation for it. Part of it is learning how to be selfless not selfish. You cannot be completely selfish and expect your marriage to succeed. Wasting your youth feeding into a selfish lifestyle will make you less ready to marry, not more. I don't want to marry someone like that. It is discouraging enough that waiting is so rarely valued as it is without the added pressure of delaying marriage for careers.
  2. Why is virginity so important to you?

    I don't necessarily think you not wanting to be with a non-virgin has anything to do with forgiveness, but rather whether or not you are personally okay with dealing with potential consequences as a result of her not being a virgin. My views on this subject have changed dramatically in that I realize now more than ever that actions have consequences. So virginity is a bigger deal to me now than it was in the past. I would say continue to be open for God to change your heart. If He wants you to have a non-virgin for a wife, then have faith that He will give you the strength to work through that issue. But if not, then I don't think it's wrong to only want a virgin. I'm trying to do the same in my own life. I would hate to pass up on an amazing godly girl who happens to not be a virgin. I wish all young people could read this and take it seriously. Unless a person makes some serious amends to turn their lives around, wasting their youth sleeping around is not going to make them family material.
  3. I totally relate to this feeling so much. I'm approaching my mid-30's next year and it feels like I'm running out of time. As someone who wants kids, I don't have the luxury that young married couples have in waiting a few years before having them. If I do marry, I would have not choice but to have kids right off the bat. That means won't be much sex at all. While my future wife is pregnant and after giving birth, I wouldn't dream of burdening her with sex while she's recovering. When kids enter the picture, the less sex happens. I know life isn't fair, but I can't help but feel short-changed for exactly the reason you said. Many people typically enjoy casual sex in their youth for many years before they marry. For all I know my future wife may have experienced lots of sex before meeting me. Then there's me who chooses to resist my urges for many years and doing things the "right way," yet I will likely not get the chance to have much sex at all. Don't get me wrong, ultimately I'm waiting because it's the right thing to do. But some days I feel like what's the point in suffering in the wait when the pay off is so low? Everyone else (possibly including our future spouses) get all the fun when they're young, while we get the morsels. But on a more positive note, congrats on finding the one. I know the wait must have been really tough for you. But I sincerely hope you will be greatly rewarded for your patience.
  4. Been so lonely as of late.

    I'm sorry dealing with all that. I can relate to feeling like most people around me are too preoccupied with other things. Why are you stuck in Canada in the first place?
  5. Welcome to the forums, Jojo. First off, it absolutely is worth it to wait and it is very possible to find the good kind of man you are looking for. You should never lose hope of that. Whatever negative experiences your friends and family had probably says more about themselves than anything else. They purposefully chose to settle in bad relationships and to hook up frivolously. Just because it's the popular thing to do doesn't mean everyone in the world is doing it. There are lots of people out there like us who value waiting and meaningful relationships. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Stay true to your values, don't give into peer pressure and you will attract the right guy.
  6. Why do guys do this?...

    That is really strange behavior. I honestly have never seen that happen before. It could be a local thing in your country. My best guess is that maybe some guys do that as kind of like an ego boost. So when they see another pretty girl, he tries to make himself look more desirable to you because he has the affection of his girlfriend already. But that's just a guess. I also think that kind of behavior is pretty bizarre. I would just not worry about those guys. They are just weird.
  7. Interesting question. I've never been in a relationship before and therefore never went through a breakup. As such, I have never experienced the pain of a breakup and the negative emotions associated with another person as a result of said breakup. That being said, I am good friends with a girl who looks quite a bit like a girl I had a huge crush on back in high school. I would say I have some negative feelings about that because she was a girl I was friends with until I told her I liked her. She then proceeded to avoid me and eventually cut me off of my life. Even so, I don't get reminded of those bad experiences whenever I see my doppleganger friend. They are both very different people so that helps. But again, it wasn't a breakup so it's not a fair comparison. Personally, I would give this girl a chance. I realize I may be coming from a naive perspective since I've never had a breakup, but I say why not? If this is a girl you are attracted to and has great qualities, I think she is worth going on a few dates. Like you said, it's not fair to pre-judge before they had a chance to show you the kind of person she is. A couple dates isn't really going to hurt you, right? I do think it's important to go into it with a healthy level of being on guard. Definitely do not invest yourself emotionally too quickly, but I would say that no matter who the girl is. Also think of it this way. If you end up having a good connection with this girl, it could "redeem" your ex's image in your mind with positive feelings. This new girl could be an amazing, caring girl that could help you heal from the past. Plus, if your ex hurt you pretty badly, then that isn't a high bar for this new girl to meet. So the odds are good, I think. I hope that helps.
  8. Never Met a Christian Man!

    That is just post-modernist drivel. This kind of nonsense is a byproduct of the emerging church movement. They are more concerned with conforming with the times and not offending than teaching God's Word. It's the idea that truth is relative and is determined by personal feelings rather than sound doctrine. They might as well just throw the Bible out the window and just make up their own faith. God's truth doesn't care about our feelings. It's true whether we like it or not. Guys like this are not pastors, but rather entertainers. They just tell the audience what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear. At that point, they might as well stop calling themselves a church.
  9. As someone who has struggled with porn in the past, I strongly suggest you leave this guy. Because to a porn addict, neither you or any other woman will ever be enough for him. Porn is an insidious and degenerate behavior that trains the brain to be addicted to the visual stimuli on the screen. The more porn he consumes, the more extreme the content he will seek out down the road because the old stuff won't do it for him anymore. Do not buy into the nonsense that porn is just "what guys do." It's a perversion that makes it extremely difficult if not impossible for consumers to have normal, healthy relationships. You are right to be upset because he is looking at other girls to satisfy his lust rather than pursuing an exclusive, committed relationship with you. It doesn't matter how compatible you two are otherwise. This issue will hurt you even more if you get involved with him. Look for a guy who is already waiting till marriage on his own and who doesn't look at porn. They are out there. Do not settle for anything less than that.
  10. Mark's back! We missed you and your slightly disturbing love affair with Disney. lol. Good to hear you're doing well. I will be following you on those links you provided. I'm pretty good. I finished school and now looking for a job. Still waiting (and a virgin) though hopefully I won't have to wait much longer
  11. From personal experience, whenever I idealize a girl, I always end up disappointed. But whenever I meet a girl and have no expectations, I usually end up pleasantly surprised. I don't think this is necessarily a cynical view to have. I just acknowledge that people aren't perfect and have flaws. I wouldn't want anyone to idealize me because as they say the man is no match for the legend. lol. Even the most loving, attentive and affectionate person will let you down at some point. You cannot expect people to fulfill needs that only God can.
  12. This is actually one of my biggest pet peeves. If I look back at all the many interactions I've had in my life, I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that this is a disturbingly common problem in this world. Now it is possible that some people do have social anxiety and just ramble about themselves as a coping mechanism. However, I think most people who do this are just socially retarded. I don't mean that as an insult to mentally retarded people, I just mean that people are very stunted in their ability to have balanced conversations. We live in a world that is becoming increasingly self-centered. We tell young people to do what makes them happy and that they are special and all this other trite nonsense. You at people's social media and what do you see? It's just a narcissistic highlight reel where people show off new cars, houses or vacations. That or they are posting 15 pics of the same selfie from different angles while they are making those ridiculous duck faces. They think they look hot but in reality they just look like complete fools. I say to these people, sorry but you're not really that special nor does the whole world revolve around you. We've lost the art of having real and meaningful relationships with people. My advice in situations like these is to wish this girl well and then move on. People who aren't showing interest in you or putting effort are selfish and not worth the effort. You said it yourself that it makes you less interested in her and I don't blame you one bit. Look for the girl who shows just as much interest in getting to know you and you for her.
  13. Okay so here are my more in depth thoughts: First I'm a bit confused about some conflicting things you said. You say she is good looking but then you say don't like her eyes, chin etc. From what I understand, it sounds like you are saying she is good looking, but not good looking enough for you to date, at least at the time. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. First off, let me just say that physical attraction is important and never should be overlooked. You SHOULD be attracted to your wife. At the same time, it's also important to have realistic expectations. I don't think we should only look for 10s or 9s unless you are one yourself. But even then, I think it's a mistake to pass someone over whom you are attracted to but are nit picking at little imperfections they may have. I think sometimes it's difficult having a balance between having realistic expectations and not settling. These days many of us are obsessed with "trading up" or as you say feeling like you could do better. Many people jump around from one relationship to the next hoping to find the next best thing. But very few seem to want to stay and work to make what they already do have into something better. I think that if you can find someone who has the same values as you and whom you are attracted to enough, then I don't think that is settling and can have a great and fulfilling marriage with. On the shyness issue, I can understand how that could be a turn off, especially if it was really as severe as you suggested. Although I personally would have made a little bit more of an effort to try to pursue her in hopes she will break out of her shell. I don't think going on a date or two would have been a huge investment. You might have ended up warming up to her. But that's not how things turned out and what is done is done. As it so happens, I had to let go of an amazing girl I once had an amazing connection with because I was couldn't be the man she deserved at the time. I had a lot of personal problems that I needed to work on before I could be the best man I could be for her. There were days I wonder what might have been if things were different. But I just remind myself that it had to go down that way for her sake.
  14. Just curious, did this girl have any good qualities that made you on the fence as to whether you should pursue her or not?
  15. Star Wars: The Last Jedi. That movie was absolute garbage. I felt insulted not just as a long time Star Wars fan, but as a movie goer in general.