Invincible

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About Invincible

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    Saint Vincent

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    Male
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    Portland, OR
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    Video games, shooting guns, computers, technology, eating good food, watching movies.

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  1. From personal experience, whenever I idealize a girl, I always end up disappointed. But whenever I meet a girl and have no expectations, I usually end up pleasantly surprised. I don't think this is necessarily a cynical view to have. I just acknowledge that people aren't perfect and have flaws. I wouldn't want anyone to idealize me because as they say the man is no match for the legend. lol. Even the most loving, attentive and affectionate person will let you down at some point. You cannot expect people to fulfill needs that only God can.
  2. This is actually one of my biggest pet peeves. If I look back at all the many interactions I've had in my life, I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that this is a disturbingly common problem in this world. Now it is possible that some people do have social anxiety and just ramble about themselves as a coping mechanism. However, I think most people who do this are just socially retarded. I don't mean that as an insult to mentally retarded people, I just mean that people are very stunted in their ability to have balanced conversations. We live in a world that is becoming increasingly self-centered. We tell young people to do what makes them happy and that they are special and all this other trite nonsense. You at people's social media and what do you see? It's just a narcissistic highlight reel where people show off new cars, houses or vacations. That or they are posting 15 pics of the same selfie from different angles while they are making those ridiculous duck faces. They think they look hot but in reality they just look like complete fools. I say to these people, sorry but you're not really that special nor does the whole world revolve around you. We've lost the art of having real and meaningful relationships with people. My advice in situations like these is to wish this girl well and then move on. People who aren't showing interest in you or putting effort are selfish and not worth the effort. You said it yourself that it makes you less interested in her and I don't blame you one bit. Look for the girl who shows just as much interest in getting to know you and you for her.
  3. Okay so here are my more in depth thoughts: First I'm a bit confused about some conflicting things you said. You say she is good looking but then you say don't like her eyes, chin etc. From what I understand, it sounds like you are saying she is good looking, but not good looking enough for you to date, at least at the time. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. First off, let me just say that physical attraction is important and never should be overlooked. You SHOULD be attracted to your wife. At the same time, it's also important to have realistic expectations. I don't think we should only look for 10s or 9s unless you are one yourself. But even then, I think it's a mistake to pass someone over whom you are attracted to but are nit picking at little imperfections they may have. I think sometimes it's difficult having a balance between having realistic expectations and not settling. These days many of us are obsessed with "trading up" or as you say feeling like you could do better. Many people jump around from one relationship to the next hoping to find the next best thing. But very few seem to want to stay and work to make what they already do have into something better. I think that if you can find someone who has the same values as you and whom you are attracted to enough, then I don't think that is settling and can have a great and fulfilling marriage with. On the shyness issue, I can understand how that could be a turn off, especially if it was really as severe as you suggested. Although I personally would have made a little bit more of an effort to try to pursue her in hopes she will break out of her shell. I don't think going on a date or two would have been a huge investment. You might have ended up warming up to her. But that's not how things turned out and what is done is done. As it so happens, I had to let go of an amazing girl I once had an amazing connection with because I was couldn't be the man she deserved at the time. I had a lot of personal problems that I needed to work on before I could be the best man I could be for her. There were days I wonder what might have been if things were different. But I just remind myself that it had to go down that way for her sake.
  4. Just curious, did this girl have any good qualities that made you on the fence as to whether you should pursue her or not?
  5. Star Wars: The Last Jedi. That movie was absolute garbage. I felt insulted not just as a long time Star Wars fan, but as a movie goer in general.
  6. A woman's voice

    I like soft-spoken voice on the lower end the spectrum. I find soft-spoken female voices to be very soothing and feminine. What can I say? I love my women quiet
  7. I am new here from Ghana

    @Comfort, welcome to the forums
  8. I'm not married (yet) so I can only give my input from the perspective of marrying a divorcee/widow. I know this sounds harsh, but in almost every conceivable instance, I will not marry a divorcee. I say "almost" because I am open to the tiny chance of an extraordinary situation that may make me reconsider. More importantly, the only reason for the divorce I could accept in this extraordinary situation is if the woman was cheated on and she did not have kids. Even then, I would have to judge on a case by case basis. Because when it comes to the end of a marriage, whether divorce or death, always come with much more profound emotional baggage than a relationship breakup. In the case of divorce, it is pretty common for people to have a suspicious view of the opposite sex. While I can sympathize and understand having that view, I am not keen on having to climb mountains just to prove my innocence for something that I wasn't my fault. Now in regards to the virginity issue, my fear is that she will have negative associations to sex due to her ex-husband. Which could lead to not want to engage because it brings back bad memories. On the other hand, I am much more open to being with a widow. Because it is more likely to have had a positive feelings associated with marriage, but was cut short due to an untimely death. Though it still has it's unique challenges. As weird as it may sound, the positive associations are also a big fear of mine. When a spouse dies, it is common for the living to immortalize him or her. At times, I would feel inadequate because I would feel like I'm competing with a dead man and I would never live up to the standard he set when he left this world. When it comes to sex, I can see how those positive feelings could be even more consequential than if she had premarital sex. I know this sounds strange, but here's my line of thinking: because she was blissfully married to her late husband, the sex was an even more powerful experience because it has the foundation of marital love. So that intense bond may be etched into her mind much more strongly. Therefore, she is much more likely to compare her next husband to an astronomically high standard that was set to by her late husband. This is bound to cause a lot of intimacy issues because I heard of many widows who struggle with guilt during sex because they feel like they are cheating on their late spouses (even though they are not). This means that her mind and heart is with the late husband and not with the current husband during sex. That would be extremely hurtful for all parties involved. I know this all sounds pessimistic, but it's how I really feel. I would never hold them not being a virgin against them because they lost it the right way. But that also doesn't mean that the consequences of being a non-virgin are still there and are very real. I know the answer is clear for most people, but there are times I wonder which is potentially potentially worse: The baggage of premarital sex or baggage of marital sex built on pure marital love.
  9. I agree with Peter. Since this clearly is a very important issue for you, and that's not a bad thing, it is best to simply express this is bothering you to her. It is better to do it sooner than later. Because the longer you wait, the more emotionally invested you will get and it will make things must harder later down the line. Trust me, I made that mistake once and I regretted it. I know you are not looking forward to having that conversation because you are afraid of what she might say. But it's important that you don't go in it in an accusatory way. Just say that you are bothered by her sexual past and having a tough time dealing with it. How she responds to that will tell you everything you need to know. If she gets offended. makes excuses or say it's not a big deal, then you have your answer. She clearly isn't the one for you because she doesn't see eye to eye on something that is very important to you. It doesn't matter that you guys get along in other ways. I was in sort of a similar situation once. I was talking to this girl about a year ago and we seemed to really hit it off. But everything went down south when she turned out to be a bit of a raging feminazi. Then we got into a really heated theological argument. Needless to say, she wasn't the one for me and I never looked back. But if she is genuinely remorseful and really does wish she could take it all back, then I would say give her a chance. Yes it can still hurt and may take time to get over. But I think it would be a mistake to pass up a girl who is truly sorry and wants to have something special with you.
  10. My priority is first and foremost to find a church that is committed to biblical truth. Finding a wife is secondary. Though ideally I can find one that has both because church is the ideal place to find a Christian wife, obviously. None of the churches I have been to had singles groups so I don't really know what to expect. But I can see why it would be tough to balance out. Another problem I hear from people who've been to these events is the can be a lot of competition. There can be lots of jealousy involved when two or more people are pursuing the same person. I have friends who had to leave the group because the object of their affection rejected them and chose someone else. As you can see that makes for a lot of awkward situations. So I feel like I have to keep a certain amount of emotional distance. I completely agree. The prosperity gospel is a false gospel. I will even go so far as to say it is a message of demonic nature. I don't say that lightly either. You have people like Joel Osteen and others promise health and wealth as a reward for good faith. Guess who else promised that? Satan did when he tried to tempt Jesus in the desert. It's no surprise that message is so popular because it tickles people's ears. So many people are being deceived. Though sometimes I do think megachurches get an unfairly bad rep. There are some megachurches that donates a larger percentage of money to charity compared to smaller churches. So they aren't all bad. That is why I think megachurches are not ideal. When churches are too big, you can't get to know others very intimately. Also, it's in my experience that Christians are sometimes the most socially retarded people on Earth. It's like many of them do not have the slightest clue on how to interact with the opposite sex. I volunteered with the children's ministry at my old church and I was just making casual conversation with another volunteer who was a woman. I simply said hi and asked how long she's been volunteering. She looked at me as if she saw a ghost and quickly brought up her husband in her answer, indicating she was taken. Geez woman. I'm just saying hi and making small talk, not throwing money at you asking for a lapdance or anything. smh. I personally have a big problem with the over reliance on social media in churches. Like from your experience, it is really impersonal. I get that it has a place and it helps communicate with people effectively, but it's also important to foster close relationships in person too. Now that it's popular to post sermons on audio or video on the church website, a lot of people skip attending church just so they can listen at home. Faith isn't supposed to make people lazy. Wow that sounds like a fun singles group. If anyone were to even suggest a shooting range as a church event here, the leadership would have a heart attack and recommend that you get psychiatric help. lol. You see why I feel out of place here? I cannot be open with my interest in guns here without making many people uncomfortable. All the guys here are extremely effeminate to the point they would have PTSD just by holding a gun. lol. Of course Texas would all be all about BBQ. That is yet another reason why I need to move down there. I bet every steak house in TX has the 72 oz steak challenge. lol. Yeah single groups can be problematic that way. It's almost like we have to default to online groups. But they work and many people have met in this forum and got married. I appreciate you saying that. I hope the same for you if you haven't already.
  11. Hey aj05, First off, there is nothing wrong with being bothered by someone you care about having a sexual past. I do think that if it is causing you severe anxiety to the point it's interfering with daily life, then it's a problem. But it is good that you are seeking counseling for it and I encourage you to keep at it if it is helping you a lot. I can totally relate to what you are feeling. Even though I'm not in a relationship yet, I do find myself resigning to the fact that statistically speaking, I will in all likelihood end up with a non-virgin. That does bother me a lot because I do fear being compared negatively to previous guys and that I won't measure up. Sometimes it feels unfair that I waited all this time to give my virginity to my future wife but she may not be able to give me the same. I do firmly believe that sexual history matters and it's not a small issue like many people may say. If it wasn't a big deal then there really isn't a whole lot of value of waiting till marriage. Like it or not, actions have consequences. Now that being said, there is lots of room for healing. I had a couple conversations with non-virgins that helped ease my mind a lot. They both said that they don't find themselves thinking of past partners at all and that there was no comparison in their minds. But this was only possible because they actively sought healing by asking God to forgive them. They had to go through a tough process of repenting and sorting out their own baggage before God in order to rid themselves of guilt and shame from their experiences. Had they not gone through the process, they likely would have let their sexual baggage cause a lot of intimacy problems into their marriage bed. If I was in your shoes, I would pay close attention to how this girl views her sexual past. Does she show genuine remorse for her mistakes? If so then that is a good sign and I do think it's worth pursuing her. But if she makes excuses for herself or deflects blame like she claims she was pressured or doesn't see it as a big deal, then that is a huge red flag. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't take responsibility for her own actions. I would want to be with someone who truly values waiting and wishes she abstained. I hope that helps.
  12. No, by all means tell the story. You can comment as much as you like. lol. The career I am pursuing does have the possibility of remote opportunities so I could relocate pretty easily. I do not intend to wait around for my life to happen. I already wasted too much time doing that as it is. Yes OR is beautiful but it's not nearly enough to redeem 9 months of nonstop rain and all the rampant secularism and leftism. I will not be missing it at all except for maybe the no sales tax law. Thanks for all your input. I will keep you guys updated when I can.
  13. Yes, in fact I was planning on moving out of my state anyways. I'm so sick of the rain and the general culture here. Not to mention my state has the lowest percentage of church goers in the country. Now church attendance or lack thereof doesn't automatically determine one's spiritual beliefs, but it is a good general indication. I have been to the South and I quite like it there. So yeah, I might just do that. lol
  14. My fiance was raped

    I'm sorry about what happened to your fiance. A horrible crime was committed against him and I hope he has found a lot of healing since then. I have had similar feelings regarding waiting. There are brief moments in time where I hoped God would reward me with another virgin for waiting so long. I would feel shortchanged somehow if I didn't end up with a virgin. The hardest thing for me was fear of comparison of past sexual partners and how her mind would wander off to them when we are intimate. The thought that someone else could satisfy her better than I could would devastate me. So I do have at least some idea of what you are feeling. Something happened to me yesterday about this issue that may also help you too. I was talking to someone about my fears of being with a non-virgin. She then told me how she was married previously to an abusive man whom lost her virginity to after marriage. She finally left him and remarried to a good man. Before she found her now husband, she was worried no one would want her because she wasn't a virgin anymore. She assured me that she doesn't think of her ex-husband at all, so there is no comparison in her mind. It did make me feel better knowing that. Your fiance likely wants to forget the trauma he experienced too. All he wants is to have a fresh start with wanting to build a new and wonderful life with you and leave the past behind. That is a beautiful thing. Remind yourself of why you love him in the first place and the fact that he loves you. Take comfort in that. I hope that helps.
  15. I think God intended for people to marry and have kids young. Even for those who don't believe in God can't deny this fact given the evidence of women's fertility going downhill in her 30's. I find it troubling how Western society are delaying marriage and children later in life in favor of careers and material things. I hear so many women in their 40's or older regret not having children when they were younger because they've been brainwashed to think her worth is based solely on a career. Some may truly value a career and never want kids but not many. I believe deep down most women really do want to get married and have kids. I think you are wise to realize this at a young age and pursue after that. Yeah, the spontaneous sex is likely to be rare if at all present after the kids are born. As unromantic as it seems, you pretty much have to plan sex into the busy schedules. I think that unless I'm sick or just dead exhausted, most guys are generally always up for sex even if we aren't particularly in the mood for it. Which for me personally is extremely rare that I'm not in the mood To me, sex is kind of like a delicious snack. Even when I'm not particularly hungry, I can still eat it and enjoy it. lol. As I'm sure you've noticed, I have a very hyperbolic and overly dramatic sense of humor Yeah I am not sure what I think on the issue of masturbation. But I have heard of stories where there were serious intimacy problems even between two virgins who waited. It's because usually the woman feels a sense of guilt or "filthiness" about her because she was taught to repress her sexuality. This is where I think the church gets wrong. They conflate normal healthy sexual desire as the same thing as lust. In reality those two are very different things. It's normal and good to have a healthy amount of sexual desire. That should not be shamed at all. See, the part of your statement that I put in bold is one of the things I wish more women understood. Your future husband is going to be real blessed knowing you will want to please him. Now to be 100% clear, I do not under any circumstances, believe either person should be coerced through guilt or physical force into doing anything without consent. That being said, I do not believe "not feeling like it" in and of itself when it's not out of sickness or extreme exhaustion is a good enough reason not to have sex. This is especially true for us Christians because the Bible tells us not to deprive each other sexually except in a time of mutual consent and prayer and that time of abstaining must be short. Could you imagine if a woman was emotionally distraught and needed support from her husband but he denied her because he didn't feel like it? That would also be horrible. Part of truly loving someone is tending to their needs even in times when it's not easy. That goes both ways. And yes I do agree it would be a huge concern to find out your man has a much lower libido than you. It would make me question if he is really a man at all I absolutely 100% agree. I want to find someone who isn't afraid of talking about sex candidly with excitement. It really surprises me how so many embarrassed to talk about sex even when they've been together for so long. Maybe I'm just weird but I have no problem being open and explicit about it. Sex is a fascinating subject. Why wouldn't we want to talk about it Thanks for your encouragement. I pray the same kind of guy is out there waiting for you too Yes I do intend to adopt at least one child. That's something I always wanted to do. But I also would like to have my own biological children too.