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About Invincible

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    Portland, OR
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    Video games, shooting guns, computers, technology, eating good food, watching movies.

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  1. I strongly believe we need to hold ourselves to the same standard that we hold others by. Not trying to sound harsh, but if you have done "everything but..." and you are questioning your own virginity then I don't think you have legitimate grounds to demand a virgin. Now if you happen to end up with a virgin, then awesome. But to actually demand one? I don't see how justify making that a requirement without seeming a bit hypocritical. Now yes, there is a grey area in that everyone's definition of a virgin is different. But we have the tendency to downplay our own mistakes in the past and embellish that of everyone else. I'm not saying that to shame you in any way, but to give you some perspective. You are basically asking how you can legitimately make virginity a dealbreaker when you acknowledge you may not be one yourself. Your past is not the end of the world and neither is anyone else who has a sexual past. In light of your own past, try to imagine yourself wanting to be with a virgin girl but you're afraid of what she might think of you based on your past. Wouldn't you hope she wouldn't judge you for your past mistakes? Try extending that mindset to a girl who may feel the same way if she was hoping to seek your affections. It might be fine if you required a girl who didn't have vaginal sex but has done "everything but" But maybe to help you think about things more deeply is how would you feel about a girl who has done "everything but?" Would you consider her a virgin? You can't say no to her but yes about your own self. You have to apply a standard that is consistent for yourself and for other people.
  2. How important is height?

    Yeah, have no idea how ironic that is
  3. How important is height?

    It's not a big issue for me to be honest. She could be taller than me for all I care but it wouldn't stop me from being with her. It might feel a bit weird at first since I myself am not short by any stretch of the imagination and girls my height or taller are very rare. But I'd get over it. My preference though, would be her being slightly shorter than me. I think height is not nearly as big of a deal to guys as it is to girls. I seem to remember thread like this a long time ago and the majority of girls responded a shorter guy would be a dealbreaker or at least it would bother them a lot. Most girls seem to really desire feeling small and feminine next to their man.
  4. Yes I absolutely would. In fact, I kind of prefer long distance during a a courting relationship. Of course, I want to meet her at least once or twice in person as friends first before we become something more. But ultimately, yes I very open to long distance. Here are a few reasons why: Commitment: It goes without saying that LDRs are really hard and requires a greater sense of commitment than the usual relationship. But that can also be the biggest benefit to LDR. It's easy to get into a relationship with someone who is local. But the strength of a relationship isn't tested when things are convenient, it is tested in the face of adversity. Between a person who is long distance and someone who is local, the former's level of commitment speaks greater volumes to me than the latter. It gives me a great sense of security and intimacy knowing the other person thinks I am worth the effort of toughening out the hardships that come with an LDR with. The way I see it is if a couple can survive the distance and make it to marriage, then they can overcome almost any else that comes their way. Intentionality: In a LDR, you don't have the luxury of driving 10 minutes to see them every day. Therefore, it forces both people to really cherish the very few moments they are physically together. There is less room to take each other for granted because you have to make each moment together count. There is a greater sense of appreciation for being together that may not otherwise be there in a local couple. Even when apart, it forces you to be creative in keeping the relationship going. An LDR really stresses communication and making each other a top priority. I even read articles that many LDRs tend to be more emotionally intimate than regular relationships because you have to work harder for it. Excitement: Some friends in LDRs have told me that there is a greater sense of excitement when they get to see their long distance partners. Because those instances are so rare, it gives them something to look forward every few months or so. They say when they finally do get to see them in person, there is a greater sense of satisfaction after being apart for so long. I suppose that cliche "absence makes the heart grow fonder" really rings true. Independence: Another benefit is that distance can give both people more room to live their own lives apart from the relationship. One of the things that annoy me the most when friends get into relationships is they disappear because they are joined to the hip of their partner. A relationship should be a big part of one's life, not your entire life. Being apart lessens the risk of being codependent with your partner and allow you to be pursue other things. It's good for waiting couples: You can't be tempted to have sex with your partner if they aren't physically there most of the time. Pretty self explanatory. It's romantic: Yes I am a hopeless romantic. Make fun of me if you want, I don't care. lol. But there is something very romantic about fighting for the other person in the face of disapproving family or friends who say it will fail. It's kind of a "you and me against the world" kind of feeling. The closest I've ever been to a relationship was with a girl I knew who lived far away. I felt a connection with her that I never have with anyone else. We both wanted to be more than friends and were willing to fight for it. However, nothing became of it because of reasons unrelated to distance. Without getting into the details, it was mostly an issue with timing. I will just leave it at that. But I strongly believe that if circumstances were different, we could have had something really special.... Perhaps the biggest reason I feel so strongly about long distance relationships is because of my parents' influence. They were dating in the 1960's when they met in college. But my dad had to move back to China for a time while my mother remained in Canada. They were literally on opposite sides of the world yet they still wanted to make it work between them. They remained faithful to each other for 3 years apart. Most kids these days can't even stand 3 seconds apart without sexting each other nude pics. LOL. The number of visits were very few and far between during those years and they mainly kept in touch through writing letters and an occasional phone call. Remember, this was before Skype and the internet. They only had old fashioned means of communication. Despite that, their relationship survived and eventually married. They are still together after almost 40 years of marriage. Seriously, who writes letters anymore? But I can personally say that if I were ever in a long distance relationship, I will write letters to her like my parents did before me. The romantic in me strongly believes a letter is much more meaningful than a text message or a Snapchat. There are some things that are just better doing it the old fashioned way We live in an age of instant gratification and people don't want to work hard in relationships anymore. Given how common my parents' story was back then, I find it laughable how kids these days (gosh I sound old) complain how they can't handle LDRs because "it's too hard." Try being in an LDR without the convenience of Facebook or Skype before you come to me complaining about how hard it is. Remember, my parents had only letter writing an occasionally a phone call back then. So in the age of technologically convenient ways of communication, people these days have no excuse. While I get that certain practical obstacles relating to distance may make it simply impossible for a successful long term relationship, I don't think the distance in and of itself should be a hang up. It's only an obstacle if you let it become one. Sorry for writing an entire Library of Congress worth of books for you. But this is something I feel very strongly about, in case you haven't noticed lol. You are also right about how our chances as waiters of finding someone with compatible values are fairly slim if we restrict ourselves to our local areas. Especially for me given I live in the Pacific Northwest, which is the least religious region in the entire United States. My chances are even more slim because of that. Like Skald, I am almost counting on LDR. lol. I realize waiter doesn't always equal religious but it's strongly correlated. I want someone who is both a Christian and waiting. So yes, I am a big fan of the idea of long distance relationship
  5. @samaye and @Géraldine, if you're going to use links to debate, please don't let them do all the talking for you. That is just lazy and condescending. Please use your own words to drive your points and only use links as a supporting resource. Also, let's be careful not to stray too far off topic.
  6. My view is very similar to that. Although I think for me there is a difference between purity and virginity. They are closely tied together but ultimately different things. Purity is at the end of the day an emotional state. It is measured by the level of commitment one has to be abstain sexually rather than the physical act itself. Giving away one's virginity is simply a physical manifestation of violating one's own purity. Virginity, while it does have importance, is relatively arbitrary compared to a person's present conviction to wait in my view. A non-virgin can be pure in the present if he/she has chose to save themselves for their future spouse from now on. Whereas a virgin can be impure because he/she simply hasn't had the opportunity to have sexual activity, but their intention is to engage in it if given the chance. That or said virgin regularly indulges in porn without apology or tries to push the physical boundaries in a premarital relationship. It all comes down to the state of the person's heart. The most important part, in my opinion, stems from whether a person wants to do all they can to abstain or whether they want to push the envelope. I hope that makes sense.
  7. 1. If you never had penis-in-vagina sex before, but did engage in everything else but that (such as all the things involved in foreplay), would you still consider yourself a virgin? If the act involves the genitals AND it is possible to get an STD as a result of said act, then I consider that sex and therefore I would not be a virgin anymore. There's a reason why they call it sexually transmitted disease. I don't say this to look down on anyone who has done these things, this just simply makes sense to me. BTW, this is assuming the sexual act was consensual. I do not believe sexual assault of any kind constitutes the loss of virginity. 2. If you met someone who is a virgin but has done "the other things", would that be a deal breaker for you in seeing that person as marriage material? No it wouldn't be. It would hurt me a lot initially and it would take me a while to get over that fact though. 3. If you met someone who is a virgin but has done "the other things" BUT regrets them and is now waiting to do those "other things" in marriage, would you see that person as marriage material? Yes I would. Even if she had vaginal sex, I would still consider marrying her. But ONLY if she regrets her past, be completely honest with me about it, and she has to be waiting out of her own decision. Virginity isn't a dealbreaker for me, but the personal choice to wait is. I care more about attitude in the present more than I do of the past.
  8. So he had a child out of wedlock and he still doesn't believe that waiting till marriage is the way to go? Man, some people just never learn. smh. I'm glad you found the right guy though
  9. In years past I would say yes. But now I'm almost certain I would not. It all comes down to one simple reason: Her kids will always come first before me. Sure, she could love me very dearly but never as much as she loves her own her own flesh and blood. In the end, I would just be an outsider who came along into their lives later. That's just how it is. I'm not okay with playing second fiddle to someone else in a romantic relationship. I intend to make the woman I'm with my first priority so I expect the same in return. I just don't think that would be fair otherwise.
  10. Practical Femininity

    Femininity isn't valued in our society these days. Both men and women have some mix of both feminine and masculine qualities, though men naturally are more inclined to be masculine and women towards feminine. Women today are encouraged to forsake their feminine instincts in favor of masculine qualities. Femininity is often seen as weak and something that ought to be rejected. But nothing could be further than the truth. Femininity is beautiful, natural and is a sign of strength. Feminine energy is necessary to balance out the masculine in this world. Here are feminine traits which stand out to me the most. Fertility/Child bearing: This is perhaps the most profound and powerful feminine trait in the world. A woman's fertility is unfortunately seen as a disease nowadays and children are seen as an inconvenience towards a woman's path to a career. This is a dangerous lie that has been propagated so deeply in Western society. Women literally have the ability to give life to a human being. Our very survival as a species is greatly dependent on a ability to give birth. How could that be anything but empowering? Nurturance: Closely tied to maternity but not exclusively so. Nurturance can also extend to caring for family, friends or members of the community. A woman's natural urge to nurture is vital to ensuring the well being of others both physically and emotionally. The ability to give life ultimately doesn't mean much without it accompanied by someone devoted to the care and elevation of said life. Tenderness: The masculine nature of competitiveness and leadership often leads to stress and weariness. The harsh demands of every day life need to be tempered by tenderness, lest we risk getting burnt out and losing our drive to continue. We all could do with some tenderness in our lives so that we can recharge and feel refreshed to fight another day. Submissiveness: A trait that is not politically correct, especially in regards to women, yet I make no apologies for it. It's an often misunderstood term that is associated with abuse, weakness or lacking of one's own identity. In truth, it has nothing to do with any of those things. In the context of a loving relationship, submissiveness can greatly benefit it. Submissiveness in practical terms can simply be a voluntary act in allowing and trusting a man to thrive in his masculine inclination to lead. Most women prefer a man who leads. When a man is given way to lead, he feels manly and needed. That in turn allows him to feel empowered to fulfill most women's desire to be taken care of and protected. It's the perfect balance. Playfulness: Let's face it, men can often times be real stiffs and I don't mean physically (although we often are in that way too ). I mean we have a tendency to be structured and rigid in our way of thinking and just take life too seriously at times. A man needs a woman's spontaneity and playfulness to help us chill out and bring out the mischievous little boy in us. This also happens to be a trait I find absolutely irresistible in a woman. I couldn't agree more Grace, I think encompasses many of the softer and more gentle positive traits that we need in our society and they are most definitely feminine in nature.
  11. Social Bias Against Men

    What. The. Crap? I don't care if she is a woman, if I was beaten in the same way your friend's ex gf did, I would have pull out a gun and shoot her. The moment someone becomes violent towards me is the moment they become a threat to my life. Male or female have no relevance anymore. Your friend's ex gf should have been locked up in a cage for assault and those worthless "cops" deserve to have their badges and jobs taken away. This is exactly the kind of double standard that sickens me to no end. When a man beats a woman, we all rush to her defense and the man is made out to be the devil, which he is. But when a man gets hurt by a woman, people think he must have done something to deserve it. Better yet, let's all laugh at him being beaten by a woman (we all know people suffering is just so hilarious. smh). Because he's expected to "man up" and "quite crying." You can just Youtube numerous staged social experiments in public and see the stark difference in the way people react to a man being pushed around vs a woman. I remember watching the movie Wedding Crashers. Isla Fischer's character is a psychotically needy and overly attached to Vince Vaughn's character to the point she ties him out to a bed and has sex with him against his will. This scene was supposed to be funny, because of course we all know rape is such a laughing matter. But because he's a man, it's all good. We all know men can't be raped because we always want it, right [sarcasm]? The next day, he is just seen as mildly annoyed by what's happened rather than severely traumatized by sexual assault. Sadly this sort of thing is very prevalent in Hollywood and society in general. But good Lord, could you imagine if the roles were reverse? If a man tied up a woman and raped her and portrayed that as funny, it would generate so much outrage and the producers would be crucified by the media and feminist groups. These people are absolute frauds. Heartless and hypocritical frauds. Rape and brutal assault are never a laughing matter. Period. Yes I am and it most definitely is crazy people think that. Because of the stigma behind male rape victims, men are less likely to report it because most people won't believe them. Again, it gets dismissed because "a man should enjoy it" or his masculinity is chastised. I even know of one male rape victim who was cruelly subjected to his "friends'" jokes about them questioning his sexuality because he didn't enjoy the rape. These people deserve a sledgehammer to the teeth. It's great that there are lots of resources and shelters for women who are sexually assaulted. But there are hardly any resources for men. This needs to change because we need to start taking male victims just as seriously as women victims.
  12. and your reasoning is....? Yes of course. It's only right that we're both on the same page regarding our intentions. I would tell the online person that I intend to move towards something exclusive after meeting in person within an agreed upon time frame within. I would tell her I intend to remain loyal to her even in the process leading up to the relationship being official and would ask if she would do the same. If not, then I'd just part ways. I don't want to keep investing in someone who intends to bail at the sight of a more convenient option. Sure, no one can argue that the local option makes more sense from a logistical and practical perspective, especially at the beginning of a relationship. But let's look at a different angle. Between the two options, whose's level of commitment is more valuable? The one who's willing to commit to you when it's convenient or the one who's willing to commit in challenging times? I think the answer is clear. Personally I want someone who doesn't just stick around when it's easy, but also in hard times. If I meet someone who still wants to be with me despite the challenges of distance, that gives me better confidence in that person's capacity to tough things out in the face of adversity. I'm not naive as to say that money and convenience aren't serious things to consider. I am fully aware that in some situations, the practical challenges can make a relationship impossible. But if all initial compatibility were equal, the one who commits despite challenges speaks greater volumes to me. I realize that may not be as important to others as other considerations but it means a lot to me. I also have to admit I am a bit of a romantic as well. A lot of my willingness to be in a LDR is influenced by my parents. They spent most of their courtship in literally opposite ends of the world with only letter writing and occasional phone calls as means of communication. I think LDRs were even more common back then than they are now. So when I hear some teenager today cry about how their LDR didn't work out because "the distance was too hard," it makes me want to say, "Try it without your smartphone, Skype and online messaging and replace it with letter writing before you tell me how hard it is, kid"
  13. Assuming both people are equally compatible and are honest about themselves like you said AND if I had an equal chance of marrying them some day, I would probably choose the online person in almost every case. I base my decision on a couple reasons. First, I personally want to stick with the person I already have emotionally invested in. Even though no formal agreement of exclusivity has been made yet, I would still feel it's the right thing to do to remain loyal to our connection we established. The other reason why I would choose the online person is because while long distance relationships would be more challenging, it also provides a lot of benefits that close proximity partners don't experience. When you are in a LDR, you are forced to be completely intentional about the time you do spend with your partner, both apart and especially in the few times in person. You learn to cherish every rare moment you are there physically together and you are less likely to take each other for granted. You also have to stress communication even more so than usual relationships because you have to make up for the time you spend apart. In a way I would feel more secure with a person knowing they are willing to commit to the hardships with me regarding long distance because they believe the relationship and myself are worth the effort. Distance is extremely difficult and if you both can survive that and get married, then that is a test to show how strong the connection is and you can pretty much get through anything. If the online person told me she found someone else in real life, then I would want her to tell me. I would be really disappointed, but I would just let her go. I don't believe in trying to convince someone to stay. They only stay if that is what they truly wanted.
  14. I could never be with someone who is didn't choose to wait themselves. I also wouldn't even consider dating someone unless I've gotten to know them as a friend first to see where their values are. That way if you find out the other person isn't waiting as a friend, then you can avoid the awkwardness of them bailing when on a date. If they aren't waiting on their own accord, then I'm not interested. When you are so attracted to someone, you really want to have sex with that person. Waiting is already difficult enough as it is for one person. I know many couples who are both waiting already have a hard time staying within established boundaries. Without the help of a romantic partner with the same commitment to wait, then the chances are they will fail miserably and go all the way in a moment of weakness. I also think it kind of defeats the purpose of waiting to be with someone who isn't waiting for themselves. We all wait because we view sex as a special act of intimacy that is meant for our spouse and no one else. Well it really isn't all that special if your spouse is waiting begrudgingly or thinks waiting is a cute idea but ultimately pointless. In your mind, you are saving yourself exclusively to your spouse as a gift. If your non-waiting spouse's mind, you're just another notch under their belt that they happened to marry. That's not even romantic in the slightest but rather It's shows that you're not of the same mind and heart. I am waiting to give my future wife a gift that is reserved only for her and no one else. I would feel like it would be a waste to be with someone who didn't understand and appreciate the value of it.
  15. Hi, Everyone: Date story

    Welcome AmethystRose! I'm so sorry to hear about your dating struggles. That guy you just dated clearly isn't the right one for you. I mean come on, he didn't even walk you to your car? You're right, God is protecting you. But I still understand how it may be frustrating to keep having to go through this process over and over again. You will find plenty of support here. Stay faithful, there are plenty of guys out there who have also chosen to wait as well.