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About Invincible

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    Saint Vincent

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    Portland, OR
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    Video games, shooting guns, computers, technology, eating good food, watching movies.

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  1. Practical Femininity

    Femininity isn't valued in our society these days. Both men and women have some mix of both feminine and masculine qualities, though men naturally are more inclined to be masculine and women towards feminine. Women today are encouraged to forsake their feminine instincts in favor of masculine qualities. Femininity is often seen as weak and something that ought to be rejected. But nothing could be further than the truth. Femininity is beautiful, natural and is a sign of strength. Feminine energy is necessary to balance out the masculine in this world. Here are feminine traits which stand out to me the most. Fertility/Child bearing: This is perhaps the most profound and powerful feminine trait in the world. A woman's fertility is unfortunately seen as a disease nowadays and children are seen as an inconvenience towards a woman's path to a career. This is a dangerous lie that has been propagated so deeply in Western society. Women literally have the ability to give life to a human being. Our very survival as a species is greatly dependent on a ability to give birth. How could that be anything but empowering? Nurturance: Closely tied to maternity but not exclusively so. Nurturance can also extend to caring for family, friends or members of the community. A woman's natural urge to nurture is vital to ensuring the well being of others both physically and emotionally. The ability to give life ultimately doesn't mean much without it accompanied by someone devoted to the care and elevation of said life. Tenderness: The masculine nature of competitiveness and leadership often leads to stress and weariness. The harsh demands of every day life need to be tempered by tenderness, lest we risk getting burnt out and losing our drive to continue. We all could do with some tenderness in our lives so that we can recharge and feel refreshed to fight another day. Submissiveness: A trait that is not politically correct, especially in regards to women, yet I make no apologies for it. It's an often misunderstood term that is associated with abuse, weakness or lacking of one's own identity. In truth, it has nothing to do with any of those things. In the context of a loving relationship, submissiveness can greatly benefit it. Submissiveness in practical terms can simply be a voluntary act in allowing and trusting a man to thrive in his masculine inclination to lead. Most women prefer a man who leads. When a man is given way to lead, he feels manly and needed. That in turn allows him to feel empowered to fulfill most women's desire to be taken care of and protected. It's the perfect balance. Playfulness: Let's face it, men can often times be real stiffs and I don't mean physically (although we often are in that way too ). I mean we have a tendency to be structured and rigid in our way of thinking and just take life too seriously at times. A man needs a woman's spontaneity and playfulness to help us chill out and bring out the mischievous little boy in us. This also happens to be a trait I find absolutely irresistible in a woman. I couldn't agree more Grace, I think encompasses many of the softer and more gentle positive traits that we need in our society and they are most definitely feminine in nature.
  2. Social Bias Against Men

    What. The. Crap? I don't care if she is a woman, if I was beaten in the same way your friend's ex gf did, I would have pull out a gun and shoot her. The moment someone becomes violent towards me is the moment they become a threat to my life. Male or female have no relevance anymore. Your friend's ex gf should have been locked up in a cage for assault and those worthless "cops" deserve to have their badges and jobs taken away. This is exactly the kind of double standard that sickens me to no end. When a man beats a woman, we all rush to her defense and the man is made out to be the devil, which he is. But when a man gets hurt by a woman, people think he must have done something to deserve it. Better yet, let's all laugh at him being beaten by a woman (we all know people suffering is just so hilarious. smh). Because he's expected to "man up" and "quite crying." You can just Youtube numerous staged social experiments in public and see the stark difference in the way people react to a man being pushed around vs a woman. I remember watching the movie Wedding Crashers. Isla Fischer's character is a psychotically needy and overly attached to Vince Vaughn's character to the point she ties him out to a bed and has sex with him against his will. This scene was supposed to be funny, because of course we all know rape is such a laughing matter. But because he's a man, it's all good. We all know men can't be raped because we always want it, right [sarcasm]? The next day, he is just seen as mildly annoyed by what's happened rather than severely traumatized by sexual assault. Sadly this sort of thing is very prevalent in Hollywood and society in general. But good Lord, could you imagine if the roles were reverse? If a man tied up a woman and raped her and portrayed that as funny, it would generate so much outrage and the producers would be crucified by the media and feminist groups. These people are absolute frauds. Heartless and hypocritical frauds. Rape and brutal assault are never a laughing matter. Period. Yes I am and it most definitely is crazy people think that. Because of the stigma behind male rape victims, men are less likely to report it because most people won't believe them. Again, it gets dismissed because "a man should enjoy it" or his masculinity is chastised. I even know of one male rape victim who was cruelly subjected to his "friends'" jokes about them questioning his sexuality because he didn't enjoy the rape. These people deserve a sledgehammer to the teeth. It's great that there are lots of resources and shelters for women who are sexually assaulted. But there are hardly any resources for men. This needs to change because we need to start taking male victims just as seriously as women victims.
  3. and your reasoning is....? Yes of course. It's only right that we're both on the same page regarding our intentions. I would tell the online person that I intend to move towards something exclusive after meeting in person within an agreed upon time frame within. I would tell her I intend to remain loyal to her even in the process leading up to the relationship being official and would ask if she would do the same. If not, then I'd just part ways. I don't want to keep investing in someone who intends to bail at the sight of a more convenient option. Sure, no one can argue that the local option makes more sense from a logistical and practical perspective, especially at the beginning of a relationship. But let's look at a different angle. Between the two options, whose's level of commitment is more valuable? The one who's willing to commit to you when it's convenient or the one who's willing to commit in challenging times? I think the answer is clear. Personally I want someone who doesn't just stick around when it's easy, but also in hard times. If I meet someone who still wants to be with me despite the challenges of distance, that gives me better confidence in that person's capacity to tough things out in the face of adversity. I'm not naive as to say that money and convenience aren't serious things to consider. I am fully aware that in some situations, the practical challenges can make a relationship impossible. But if all initial compatibility were equal, the one who commits despite challenges speaks greater volumes to me. I realize that may not be as important to others as other considerations but it means a lot to me. I also have to admit I am a bit of a romantic as well. A lot of my willingness to be in a LDR is influenced by my parents. They spent most of their courtship in literally opposite ends of the world with only letter writing and occasional phone calls as means of communication. I think LDRs were even more common back then than they are now. So when I hear some teenager today cry about how their LDR didn't work out because "the distance was too hard," it makes me want to say, "Try it without your smartphone, Skype and online messaging and replace it with letter writing before you tell me how hard it is, kid"
  4. Assuming both people are equally compatible and are honest about themselves like you said AND if I had an equal chance of marrying them some day, I would probably choose the online person in almost every case. I base my decision on a couple reasons. First, I personally want to stick with the person I already have emotionally invested in. Even though no formal agreement of exclusivity has been made yet, I would still feel it's the right thing to do to remain loyal to our connection we established. The other reason why I would choose the online person is because while long distance relationships would be more challenging, it also provides a lot of benefits that close proximity partners don't experience. When you are in a LDR, you are forced to be completely intentional about the time you do spend with your partner, both apart and especially in the few times in person. You learn to cherish every rare moment you are there physically together and you are less likely to take each other for granted. You also have to stress communication even more so than usual relationships because you have to make up for the time you spend apart. In a way I would feel more secure with a person knowing they are willing to commit to the hardships with me regarding long distance because they believe the relationship and myself are worth the effort. Distance is extremely difficult and if you both can survive that and get married, then that is a test to show how strong the connection is and you can pretty much get through anything. If the online person told me she found someone else in real life, then I would want her to tell me. I would be really disappointed, but I would just let her go. I don't believe in trying to convince someone to stay. They only stay if that is what they truly wanted.
  5. I could never be with someone who is didn't choose to wait themselves. I also wouldn't even consider dating someone unless I've gotten to know them as a friend first to see where their values are. That way if you find out the other person isn't waiting as a friend, then you can avoid the awkwardness of them bailing when on a date. If they aren't waiting on their own accord, then I'm not interested. When you are so attracted to someone, you really want to have sex with that person. Waiting is already difficult enough as it is for one person. I know many couples who are both waiting already have a hard time staying within established boundaries. Without the help of a romantic partner with the same commitment to wait, then the chances are they will fail miserably and go all the way in a moment of weakness. I also think it kind of defeats the purpose of waiting to be with someone who isn't waiting for themselves. We all wait because we view sex as a special act of intimacy that is meant for our spouse and no one else. Well it really isn't all that special if your spouse is waiting begrudgingly or thinks waiting is a cute idea but ultimately pointless. In your mind, you are saving yourself exclusively to your spouse as a gift. If your non-waiting spouse's mind, you're just another notch under their belt that they happened to marry. That's not even romantic in the slightest but rather It's shows that you're not of the same mind and heart. I am waiting to give my future wife a gift that is reserved only for her and no one else. I would feel like it would be a waste to be with someone who didn't understand and appreciate the value of it.
  6. Hi, Everyone: Date story

    Welcome AmethystRose! I'm so sorry to hear about your dating struggles. That guy you just dated clearly isn't the right one for you. I mean come on, he didn't even walk you to your car? You're right, God is protecting you. But I still understand how it may be frustrating to keep having to go through this process over and over again. You will find plenty of support here. Stay faithful, there are plenty of guys out there who have also chosen to wait as well.
  7. Surname after marriage

    I'm traditional all the way. She will take my last name. I'm not a fan of this whole modern "hyphenated" last name stuff. Plus it's a gesture to show that she is as in my property because I love to oppress women. Just kidding, I love women. My mother is a woman and I love her. As far as I know, she is still a woman.
  8. Yeah you're absolutely right. I was maybe speaking in bit of hyperbole. I do want to relax and enjoy the relationship. Settling is simply one of those things that I especially want to keep an eye out for, that is all. Well, in the case of the two people I know were settled for, their spouses told them before they got married. I recently found out while talking to my cousin-in-law (my cousin's wife) that she knew she wasn't my cousin's first choice. He actually had his eyes on another girl back then. But since it didn't work out, my cousin settled for his wife. It kind of made me lose a bit of respect for my cousin, but at the same time his wife did choose to still marry him even knowing that. So she made her own bed, It still doesn't make settling right though. The other example is a friend of mine who married a girl who settled for him because he was "a nice enough guy." If anyone says that's the reason to marry, you know they are settling. Anyways my friend is the quintessential nice guy. Always caters to what women want, hardly thinks about what he needs and puts others before himself always. So it's easy for people to take advantage of him. I hear his wife was tired of being with one jerk after another. She decided he was good enough to marry given that she just wanted to settle down and have a family. They have a fine marriage, I suppose in that they seem to get along. But they don't seem "in love," I think my friend is, but it doesn't seem like she is. It's still a shame though because people should marry for love as their main reason. I agree. If a girl was settling for me, I would want her to tell me. Obviously I would call it off immediately but at least she respects me enough to make my choice by being honest.
  9. Unless that is just what I want the women here to believe that they have more power than they actually do. You and I both know women's only purpose in life is to serve men through making babies and sandwiches...Oh wait, did I say that out loud? Uh...I mean women are superior. hehe right? yes, but that new trend isn't any better. In the end, the man and the woman are still together out of convenience. The only difference is the circumstances that led them to be together out of convenience. Except in the case of unintentional pregnancy, often times the man bails on the mother and child and the child grows up without a father. People just need to stop being stupid in general. I have some extended family and friends who knew they were being settled for. Not necessarily for selfish reasons, but that they simply weren't their spouses' first choice. That to me is already bad enough as it is. Let alone being settled for purely selfish reasons. The idea that so many people are even okay with being settled for is just sad. Nobody should ever use others like this for their own devious ends, especially when it involves a legal binding contract that is meant to be life long. It's just an insult to the institution of marriage and to the moral fabric of society. Yes, you totally should be angry if you were settled for. I totally hear you on this, my friend. Especially when men have everything to lose from a legal and financial perspective in a marriage. I refuse to be settled for and It's actually one of my biggest fears when it comes to romantic relationships. I fear this so much that I would have a borderline paranoia vetting system if I ever get into a relationship where I would always be on the lookout for red flags that suggests she isn't really into me. I plan to have her be judged by as many friends and family members to ensure that she truly is into me and not just with me because I'm "good enough." Stay vigilant, my friend. With great power comes great responsibilities. Any decent and loving woman would do well to remember that her vast influence over her husband is only meant to build him up to help him reach his greatest potential, not use it to tear him down. Just like how every good man would never use his superior physical strength to abuse his wife, but rather to protect her with it.
  10. Actually you can love someone without respecting them. Here's the difference. Love is an action and respect is an attitude. Love is when you take care of someone, protect them, tend to their needs. Respect means you admire someone for their talents, character or abilities and as a result hold them in high esteem. Here's an example that might help you understand. A woman can love her husband for the good man he is in that she wants the best for him and take care of his needs. But her husband may be a pushover and lacks any backbone when it comes to standing up for himself when in conflict with her or others. So while she may stay committed to loving him as part of the marriage, she finds it hard to respect him because he acts like a coward. I think that most women wouldn't respect a man who lacked courage. Another example is that you can love your child because you are their parent so you care for them. But if they are lazy, have no drive or even are involved with drugs or illegal activity, then you cannot respect them for what they are doing. Yes love and respect are related but ultimately separate things. The real issue is how do you deal with your lack of respect in a respectful way if that makes sense. It's very common in our society for women to trash their husbands for all his shortcomings while in public or with her girl friends. That is a very wrong and disrespectful way to address his mistakes. You do not air out your spouse's dirty laundry and ruin his reputation. You address it by confronting your spouse privately and encouraging him to strive to be better in a loving way.
  11. Practical Masculinity

    Certainly, my good man Respect: I think both women and men can show another man respect in more or less the same ways. Although I would say at least for me, the respect that a woman gives would generally be more profound than that of another man. As I've said before, men are action oriented and we pride ourselves in our work and our accomplishments. A man feels most respected when his abilities and accomplishments are acknowledged by others. A man needs people to believe in his ability to accomplish a task whether it is work related or fixing something that is broke. Tell him that you appreciate him building that fence you wanted to be put up. Tell him you admire his dedication and hard work (or any other positive traits for that matter). Another equally great way to show respect a man, especially from a woman, is to when she tells him that he makes her feel safe. Men are protective by nature and there isn't much else that makes a man feel masculine than a woman who trusts him completely that he can protect her from any harm. Some ways to show disrespect is basically doing the opposite of what I said is respectful earlier. Disrespect usually comes in some form of you believing what he does or his opinion doesn't matter or is not good enough. Something that many women don't understand is that even a seemingly innocent question like, "Are you sure you can do that?" can be disrespect. To a woman that may be a very caring thing to ask because it shows concern and a desire to help. But to him, he feels like you don't believe in his ability to life that heavy sofa for you or to fix your broken car. It's even worse when she suggest getting someone else who is "more qualified" to do it, especially if it's another man. What we hear is that we aren't strong enough or we're not smart enough to tend to her needs and that she needs to seek another man to do what we cannot. If he really does need help, he will ask for it. Also talking down about our jobs or how little money we make is also really disrespectful to a man as well. For good measure, I decided to throw in some negative traits which I perceive as masculine: Cockiness: Oh man, this one is very prevalent. Sometimes I think the male tendency to be achievement based can sometimes manifest itself in an overly inflated view of oneself. Maybe it's related to high testosterone, I don't know. But I think cockiness is primarily a male problem. Many guys feel like they are God's gift to humanity because they have so much money, drive the fanciest car or has conquered 100 women in bed in a week. Although it does make it all the more satisfying to watch when said cocky man fails in a big way. Some people just need to be humbled. Insensitivity: I feel this is an undesirable trait on the masculine end of the spectrum. I think most agree that sensitivity and being in tune with one's emotions is a feminine trait. Well, the inverse would be a lack of sensitivity. It's probably the reason why men are more likely to be perceived as callous or lack the empathy that women are more likely to have.
  12. Oh gosh, I hate it when people do this. As @Naturally pointed out, not only are these women using these men for their own selfish ends, they are also selling themselves short by settling. Look, I get it. Many women feel their biological clock ticking. But for the good of humanity, do not let that mess with your heads. No one should settle and no one deserves to be settled for. If you settle for a guy you don't actually love, you will come to unfairly resent him later on for things that aren't his fault. The short term benefits is not worth the life of misery. This is actually one of my biggest fears of getting in relationships. I never ever want a women to settle for me. I will constantly be on the look out for red flags. If I ever got the sense she was settling, I'm bailing. I didn't wait all these years to be stuck marrying a woman who doesn't truly love me. Bearded One very eloquently explains this one. Contrary to popular belief, sex isn't a man's biggest need. It is respect. Our sense of self can be just as fragile as a woman's albeit in a different way. As such, there is no other person in his life who's respect, or lack thereof, can influence a man's emotional well being as that of his wife's. Seriously, many women don't realize how much power and influence she has over their husbands. A man's biggest cheerleader is his wife and by giving him respect, that can encourage him to reach his greatest potential and be the best man he could possibly. On the other hand, she could also be the bane of his existence. If she were to disrespect him constantly, he will feel like the worst failure in the world and he will shut down emotionally. He is not going to feel any incentive for intimacy in or out of the bedroom. I mean, she has made him to feel like a failure outside of the bedroom. What could possibly make him believe she will be any different in bed? Yes sex can be quite a vulnerable experience for a man. Why? Because every decent man has at some point or another contemplated whether he will be good enough to satisfy his wife in bed. If she isn't enjoying it or not enjoying it as much as with a previous man, then that could be a huge blow to a man's confidence. With men, it's easy to get us aroused and to orgasm. But with women it's a much more complicated process. We want to feel like we have what it takes to sexually satisfy a woman in bed. Oh gosh...kill me now. My definition of a sexless marriage is anything less than at least once a week. lol
  13. How to explain waiting for marriage

    Actually I do have the answer to your problem. It is fairly simple really. Rather than date guys who say they will wait for you, look for guys who made the choice to wait till marriage out of their own conviction. Guys who aren't waiting will usually tell a girl who is what they want to hear in hopes he will change her mind. But a guy who is waiting out of his own accord is telling the truth. Trust me, it isn't the "cool thing" in our society for guys to say they are waiting. If he is waiting on his own, you know he has the right values you want. Also it might help to not be so quick to rush into dating when you barely know a guy. When you meet someone new, get to know them as a friend first so you can get a gauge of what kind of guy he is and what his values are. Don't even reveal that you are waiting right away until you've got him to reveal his. That way he won't get the chance to wait for you to change you mind. Instead, find a way to casually bring up the question on his views on sex. If he responds with anything other than waiting till marriage, I wouldn't even bother dating him. Chances are he's not going to respect your choice to wait so it's not worth it. This way you can save yourself from investing months in dating only to have him bail on you. Wait for the guy who won't just wait for you, but is ultimately waiting for himself. I hope that helps and welcome to the forums
  14. Trust: theory vs practice

    This does seem to be the unpopular view these days. Nevertheless, it is one that I fully ascribe to. You pointed out the fallacy of inconsistent application of trust in certain parts of a relationships but not others. It's the same argument I have against the issue of pre-nuptial agreements. When you get married, you are essentially placing full trust in the other with your safety and the well being of your children, yet you don't trust them enough with your material assets and money? Seems an awful lot like a disjointed sense of priorities. When you get married, you are no longer "two" anymore, you become "one." I believe in order to reflect this unity to it's fullest sense, both people ought to remove the words "mine" or "yours" from their vocabulary as much as possible and replace it with words like "us" or "ours." To answer your questions, I fully believe that being completely transparent with each other regarding passwords, emails, social media etc. requires a much better sense of trust and security than keeping them private. In fact, I don't want separate accounts on those things. Ideally I would want a single joint email or social media account. If you are going to say you fully trust your spouse, then prove it. Actions speak louder than words. If I was in a relationship with a girl who was hostile to the idea of sharing these details, my trust in her would be seriously put into question. Secrecy and hiding things from each other are stuff that often times destroy marriages. They have no place in a truly trusting marriage.
  15. Yes indeed. I believe it's called "princess complex." We always tell our daughters to know their worth and to never settle for anything less than a man who will cherish her with his entire being. Yet we don't often tell our sons the same. All we do is tell them how to respect women. We ought to be telling our daughters to respect men and treat us with dignity as well. It goes both ways. No one is entitled to a romantic partner simply for existing. In order to be worthy of someone great, they themselves need to be someone worth of being with. The sad thing is, I used to believe in that whole "princess complex" way of raising girls. But no more. If I ever have daughters, I will raise her with the same message as I would give my sons. Be the right person first, then you will attract the right person. The same is also true for me as I gain more understanding about women. I think our culture encourages an antagonistic relationship between the sexes, like we're made to view the other sex as the enemy in constant competition to get the "upper hand" in a relationship. That's not how it's supposed to be. Men and women aren't meant to be enemies, we're are meant to be each other's partners and helpers in life. We are created to complement each other and we make each other stronger. It is my hope that both sexes learn to understand each other and appreciate the differences between us.