Married Waiters
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Everything posted by Jennifer

  1. Hey everyone! My name is Jennifer and I recently wrote an article on here that was about dealing with my fiance's sexual past. (Check it out if you have the time!) I am a waiter, and I struggled immensely with dealing with the fact that my fiance was not a virgin. However, I was able to overcome my negative feelings and deal with them. In case you are not familiar with my story, we are very compatible on every level - he is everything I had ever hoped to find in a man, he is committed to me, respects me, treats me very well, and very importantly, he respects my decision to wait. The only thing that bothered me was that he was not a virgin. I was unwilling to simply let him go because he wasn't a virgin. I truly love him and could see how much I was hurting him with my jealousy and torment and it was important to overcome those feelings if I wanted him in my life. (The other choice would be to let him go, something I did not want to do.) What I was hoping was that if anyone had any questions/comments about sexual jealousy, they could post them here! I am more than happy to share any advice or answer any questions that people have or just hold a general discussion, if people wanted to share their own struggles or how they feel about the topic in general. - Jennifer
  2. Better! You really can't describe how good it feels in words. Pure bliss.
  3. I'm Jennifer, a married successful waiter who married a non-waiter. I'm 23 years old. If you want to know more about my relationship, feel free to check out my articles on this site.
  4. I said the comment about stress and that was meant for people who have been married for longer. It definitely does not apply to newlyweds or virgins. It isn't a personal observation, other couples I know have had a sex drive decrease because of stress. I wouldn't like it if people took the wrong idea away from these threads and came to expect things that were unlikely to happen. As a newlywed, you're going to have tons of sex day and night and the thought that it would ever be different seems foreign. Eventually, you will fall into a rut. I feel like I'm being a wet blanket so maybe I shouldn't go on and on about this but I feel it's important to tell the other side of sex in a marriage, not just the great stuff in the beginning. Other married waiters who have been married for a while will understand what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to be negative at all, just trying to present a realistic expectation.
  5. Something else that I wanted to add to this thread - Stress will decrease your sex drive completely. It doesn't matter what you're stressed about - money, work, school, etc. So if one partner is really stressed about something, they will tend to not initiate sex and even when you do have sex, be distracted and worried about other things. Before you're married you don't expect these things to get in the way, or even that you feel that sex could be a remedy for them but it doesn't quite often work that way.
  6. Finding anyone of either gender who is a successful waiter is usually rare. However, I have met more female waiters. Why? Men are glorified for having multiple sexual partners while women tend to be shamed. A promiscuous woman is labeled as a slut, but a promiscuous man, will at worst be called a man whore, but is usually called a player. If you are a man who does not act in this societal prevalent role, you are appealing because you obviously will treat women with respect and will not pressure them into anything physical.
  7. We both initiate since we both have high sex drives. Women's and men's hormones are quite different and that leads to different times of the day and month when you are more aroused. For example, men have peak testosterone levels in the morning and women tend to be much more horny when they're ovulating.
  8. We are both of the same religion and I think that being the same religion can be a great bonding experience. You are able to share your spirituality with them in the same way.
  9. AussieStig makes some great points. Depends on how busy the week is. Usually 3 times a week for an average week.
  10. Takes about a week's worth of sex to get into a "groove," where you start to fully comprehend the logistics of sex. It takes about a month to really get into the swing of things. Then it is a never ending learning curve! It's great! Even after a year of sex, or many years, like Ian says, you always learn new things about your spouse. You eventually develop a rhythm of their favorites but it's always great to experience new things as well. If you're ever able to experience a mutual orgasm... well... need I say more?
  11. Feeling lonely when you're single and worrying about being alone forever.
  12. I married a non-waiter. When I first told him, he wasn't very surprised and accepted it right away, which surprised me. I fully expected him to run in the other direction, but he didn't. Further on into our relationship, he explained that he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and if that meant waiting for me for years, then it was 100% worth it to him. The "sacrifice" of giving up sex until I was ready wasn't really a sacrifice for him at all, because he knew we had a whole lifetime together to have as much sex as we wanted.
  13. I didn't imply that at all. I was simply relaying my own personal experience and what had worked for me. My best advice is that positivity can definitely benefit your life in many ways and there is no harm in trying to remove any negative thoughts from your mind to replace them with positive ones. It's difficult at times, but with some work, you can remove some of the negativity, and it will benefit you immensely.
  14. It was about 6 months for me, and 1 year for him.
  15. Hello- it's been a while since I've been on the site but I wanted to just add a small note to this conversation to share with everyone (as this applies to anyone single!) When I was single, I wasn't too happy about it. Yes, I was very young, but I had convinced myself that I was going to end up alone since I wanted to wait and I would be the one single friend in her 30's while everyone else was married with kids. I wasn't completely desperate, but I was really looking for someone. After quite some time of trying way too hard to find someone with similar values as mine, I stopped looking. I became happy with who I was, and what I wanted. I realized that when I was meant to find someone, I would. I was very happy being single. That happiness and confidence that I felt was something that radiated off of me. It drew people to me and I made new friends and within months of finally being happy with myself and my life, I found my husband. Become one with yourself first, find your inner peace, and become happy. Project positivity and others will be drawn to it. (Caveat: I'm not guaranteeing you'll find someone instantly, it may take a while. I just know it worked for myself and my husband as well).
  16. The act of waiting is not the easiest, but as I can attest to, as well as others who have waited, it is well worth it. There were times where I was frustrated and impatient, but I never once doubted my decision to wait in the first place. When I finally found the one I had been waiting for, it was a wonderful feeling. What was even more special was the respect we had for each other and the love we were able to share once it was finally time to stop waiting. There are no words to describe how it feels when the waiting is finally over. It is such a special moment, more special to the both of you, because you knew what it took to get to the end of this road, and for that, you have a greater appreciation for it. As time goes by as you spend your life together, you never forget just how special it was, and how special it continues to be. Hope that's what you're looking for. If not, I can rewrite it!
  17. I just saw this, and yes, I'd like to confirm that I'm totally on board with this idea! I'd love to contribute.
  18. I wanted to be a part of the ring process and was happy that I was. I told my husband before he proposed that all I wanted was a surprise engagement. Even though I knew the ring was coming, he still managed to COMPLETELY surprise me, which was awesome!
  19. We did not buy the wedding rings on the same day, we picked those out together as well at a later date. It's generally a good idea to buy a wedding ring that matches your engagement, otherwise it may look odd. (For example, if one is yellow gold and the other is white gold doesn't really match). Yes, I agree. If you're going to be spending thousands of dollars on a ring that she will be wearing for the rest of her life, you would want her to like it, wouldn't you? I've had friends who have HATED their ring and actually got their fiance to return it and buy another one. If you don't want to see the ring beforehand, then you can just give your boyfriend an idea of what type of ring you would want (drop hints here and there) or actually go down together to pick it out.
  20. My husband is 7.5 years older than me. However, he looks the same age as me (he has such a youthful face, that will come in handy when he's older for sure!) Honestly, the age gap hasn't even been a problem between us. I usually forget there is one, to be honest. Love knows no numbers, but at least be old enough (18) if you're going to go for the 10+ year difference. Which "sounds better?" 18 year old and a 28 year old 30 year old and 40 year old Same age difference.
  21. I picked out my ring with my husband, and we are both so happy we did it that way. It was special to pick it out together.
  22. You hear a lot that marriage is the greatest from certain people, but those must all be people who are either married but unhappy, or people who are divorced, or people who don't ever want to get married. Marriage is not all fun and games, it takes a lot of work. There are MANY wonderful aspects of marriage. I can't even begin to list them here, but the most important are things like being in love, spending your life with another person, etc. It takes a lot of communication and a lot of work to make it work. Not trying to say that everything takes a lot of work, but there are definitely certain things that takes a little more work than others. COMMUNICATION is SOOO important, I cannot stress that enough. Basically, to answer your question, being married is having the ability to wake up next to your spouse, then having them come home, and then being able to fall asleep next to them. You also get to spend a lot of time with them, eating meals together, etc. You live with them, so you see them a lot, which is so wonderful when you love a person and you just can't get enough of them. It's really awesome.