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About ohmercyme

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  1. Have you had the chance?

    I had quite a few chances I suppose, especially as a teenager, but none of them would be considered special to me even if I didn't wait, spare one. When I was 16 I had this friend of a friend who I got close with one summer. Beautiful girl, she had that religion where you don't cut your hair, so I admired her curly brown waist length hair. Her parents hated me (for no good reason) so she used to sneak out of her bedroom window at night and I'd pick her up in the back alley and drive her back to my house. We talked about life, played games, watched movies, all innocent stuff. I think she was just happy to be away from her strict religious rules. There was nothing sexual during that summer but I look back now and very much see how I could have had the opportunity. Turns out that girl got knocked up by a low life a year later. So if I wasn't a waiter, I probably could have made my move, and it probably would have felt special too, but I also see what a nightmare it would have turned into. Seeing her now on Facebook now...whoa! 200 pounds and three kids later, she is the proud resident of an Alabama trailer park with every stereotype attached. Dodged that bullet!
  2. For Love Or Money?

    Okay, just a couple comments and then I'll drop the issue. First off Envincebal, I agree OkCupid doesn't have the greatest pool of people, but I've found more waiters on there than you might think, you just have to do some digging. Oh and I was rejected from EHarmony. I love the answers, but the actual question refers to that person's motivations, not who they're looking for, but it does tend to get the same answer. But in the modern day of gender equality, if a girl is seeking a successful guy, she should be successful as well, it's only fair. And you want to be a house wife, I would agree to that if I made enough money, but that is down the road. You can't just be a freeloader and tell people that you're training to be a stay at home mom. The question still boggles my mind. I can't imagine that so many girls would basically say that money was more important than love. I'd rather be poor and loved than rich and lonely. But that's just me.
  3. Okay, I know I'm Mr. Negative, but let me try to add some realism to the situation. First off, if you are really dead set on not waiting but your girlfriend thinks you are, be a man and tell her right now, not in the near future. The longer you put it off, the more you will hurt her in the end. DO IT! Secondly, quit giving yourself so many rules and plans. WTM can mean a lot more than just holding hands and light kissing. Everybody tries to clearly define it but it really comes down to is what you and your partner are mutually willing to do. And sometimes these change of time. And don't say you will marry in 5-6 years, that's false planning. I can tell that you're 19 because any older person will tell you that long term plans like that almost never come to fruition. Just loosen the restraints a little. I actually agree that a couple should be more or less sexually compatible. I have a high sex drive too, and if my wife only wants to have sex once or twice a year, I can see how that would put un-needed stress on the relationship. However always remember that any relationship involves compromise. You may not be able to experience how it would be to have sex with her right now, but you could probably figure it out. It's all about communication. If it's a big deal to you, ask her about it. Play the "How often would you have sex and what kinds of things would you be open to", 20 questions game. Be sincere and mature about it and you'll likely get an honest answer. Sure, it may be awkward, but knowledge is power! Plus I'd have to guess that the more you get to know her, the better you will be able to read her body language and attitude toward sexuality. So with that and the communication, it shouldn't be a shocker to guess how sexually open and active she would be. Your choices are your own, but if you ask me, she sounds like a keeper!
  4. Yeah, I'd have to say I'd move anywhere, but... I'm a very manipulative person, so I have the feeling I could get her to move to me. And if she still had issues about it, say her family back home, I'd pack them up and move them over too.
  5. Now you are all going to get to see me put my foot directly into my mouth. My decision not to wait has apparently come to an abrupt halt. After submitting my last message on this topic, I began talking very seriously to a nice girl. As the attraction blossomed and I began to have feelings for her, my debate on whether to wait or not was over. It's like when something like that happens, those feelings, it's like a secondary program gets booted up deep in the recesses of my brain. Naughty thoughts become blocked from entering, only pure and loving thoughts get though. Waiting until marriage becomes an absolute certainty, no exceptions. Now the girl turned out to be a nutty wacko which I should have figured so that was the end of that. I realized that my idea to not wait was only driven by fear, anger and loneliness. But as soon as a desired girl enters my life, or even one who brings temptation to my door, that little program will always kick on, as it always has. It's like tomatoes. I hate tomatoes with a passion. And I can sit there all day and tell myself that I actually love them, but as soon as I take a bite my original statement becomes confirmed by me spitting it into the trash with a less than stellar look on my face. I actually now have a hard time seeing why some of you have doubts or are worried about being tempted into losing your virginity. Turns out that my drive to wait is rock solid, and a Mack truck couldn't break it (although the rest of me might break). So for those of you who ever have doubts, consider this. Would you still have those doubts standing next to a bed, preparing to disrobe and about to those the thing you've held so sacred for so long? I guess everyone has doubts sometimes, but reality checks tend to pop up last minute, and then you'll know.
  6. For Love Or Money?

    Okay so this may not exactly be a WTM topic, but it is an issue I run into often and am very curious about it. On the dating site OkCupid there is a question in the Q&A section that reads as follows... "What is your greatest motivation in life, love or wealth?" The answer of love would seem to be the obvious one, but I'm shocked to find that about 90% of the girls answers was wealth! Nothing about that sat well with me. I mean, I'm sure everyone would like to be successful in their careers and the like, but....ugh! It's a dating site, so even if they did have a love for money, giving that message when trying to find a mate isn't a very good one in my book. I'm a writer in the television business who as of recently have found myself on the edge of having some nationwide success (fingers crossed) and people keep telling me if that happens I will find myself much more attractive to women. Why?, I haven't changed any so- oh wait my paycheck got bigger so....there it is again. I can't speak for the guys really, I'm sure they like money too, but I've never heard of a guy disliking a girl because she wasn't rich enough, only the other way around. So what gives? What is this obsession with money that most girls seem to have?
  7. Whats in a Name?

    I don't care at all. I never asked for my own last name so I wouldn't expect a girl to want it, so whatever she chooses. Although I've never liked hyphenated names very much.
  8. What if you found....

    I'll admit that although I've never had a girlfriend, I do keep a lock box of relics and letters from my more serious attempted relationships. It is more or less a box full of pain from my past, and it almost never gets opened unless something new is going inside it. Nothing ever has come out. I do this because I don't want to forget these stepping stones, of the life lessons I learned from all these girls and from myself. If I found a similar box that my girlfriend had, I would have to assume the same thing. Unless the material was very recent or if she had dedicated some little shrine to a past boyfriend, I wouldn't even mention in unless she brought it up in conversation. Some things are better left unsaid.
  9. Ok guys. Honestly, would you date a big girl?

    Nope, not a chance. It's unhealthy and unattractive. I put it up there with chain smoking, alcohol and drug abuse. It's something that a person chooses to do, and that choice is usually not a good one. And to be fair, I am not including anyone who has a weight problem do to a disease or other illness. Both my former room mate and a few of my friends are 300+ pounds. And although they are great friends, they all have certain conditions due to their weight and overeating. They include diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, shortness of breath, extreme snoring, body odor, broken furniture, frequent sickness, In-ability to properly stand, walk, or sleep. And there is probably more. No, I don't think it is worth it to have a significant other that endures all these problems because of a choice they made. I know I'm gonna get preached at for this, but I don't care. I used to smoke cigarettes all the time, and I knew it was unattractive to most girls, so I quit, and have found that girls stick around much longer when I don't have ashtray breath. Obesity is like that too, sure you could find someone who didn't mind it, but a person's chances would greatly improve if they decided to live an active healthy lifestyle. Being fat is by no means normal as far as how the human body should function. In fact obesity was rare for most of human existence until the inventions of fast food, microwave dinners, processed snacks and a virtually endless food source. Being overweight doesn't make anyone a bad person. It's more of a lifestyle choice. I'm an active person who enjoys many outdoor activities and I would want a girl who could join me in these without having a heart attack. And call me shallow, but I just don't think obese people look that good. Rolls of fat are not attractive to me what can I say? But one thing I do hate is when I see a guy who considers his girl to be fat when she might only be a few pounds overweight. But I guess that is their opinion.
  10. With dignity and grace, just like a man should.
  11. Modesty

    To me, there's nothing better than the jeans and t-shirt type. Or a nice dress if an event calls for it. Seeing girls with their boobs hanging out of their shirt and wearing skin tight clothes is a huge turnoff for me. I think how you dress is a huge advertisement as to what kind of person you are, but I've been surprised. I actually saw a girl on a dating site recently who was WTM, but she looked like a prostitute in all of her pictures. What a mix of signals! Not for me I'm afraid.
  12. I actually liked the article, although it was so stupid and lame. But I figure if it detracts even a few assholes from preying on virgins, it was worth it.
  13. (First off, I know this topic has been posted before and even recently, but I feel so strongly about it I thought I'd give it new life.) Some of you may have read my crabby depressing post I wrote recently about deciding not to WTM any longer. I'll say this though, you folks on this site are a breath of fresh air. You're all people who believe in a common ideal. You encourage each other, inspire each other, comfort each other when you're down. If I even had a small percentage of you people in my life all those years back, I may be a different person today. But I think this site lacks one thing: Interaction! You folks should be finding each other on here! I mean look at the statistics. Sure, just because two people are WTM doesn't make them right for each other. But with the large pool of waiters on this site, I can only make an educated guess that just about everyone on here would have a match with someone else on here that could at least lead to a long lasting friendship if not a budding love. It's like we are all on here just staring at our true love's on a computer screen, we just can't see them because there's all these words in the way! I'm not suggesting this should be a dating site, I think it would cheapen this great community that has been established. And I know that we all live all over the place but is it really such an obstacle? I don't know about you guys but if I suddenly talked to somebody say in Alaska that I thought might be my true love, I'd be shoppin' for snow shoes! I'm not exactly sure what to do to get us together. Maybe we should have a big waitingtillmarriage.org meetup. It would be like a Star Trek convention just way weirder. Heck, with the advertisement alone just imagine how many other waiters would come out of the woodwork. You could do one in Kansas to be centrally located or split it up and do a New York/LA thing. And for those of you outside the U.S., you guys should also meet up at a good neutral location like Switzerland or the moon. Something should happen. I'd love to hear if any of you have any thoughts or ideas about this. You're all fighting so hard to WTM, why not do it standing next to each other?
  14. Again, thank you all for the comments, especially you Joolz, you should make a self help seminar, I say that as a compliment. Oh just an interesting point here, I find it funny that everybody I told that I stopped WTM outside of this site all seemed so relieved and happy for me (including my parents), who look like a curse has just been lifted off me. Interesting... But again, I have already made my decision. You guys all send me messages trying to help me stay WTM and give me advice. And as much as I appreciate them, I've heard them all before for years. And there was a time when I took them all to heart, trying every avenue I could to love myself, to be more sociable, to try new dating techniques. Nothing worked ever. I have tried to understand why no one will love me for years, and could never come up with an answer. So instead I'm taking a new path. It reminds me of a story and bear with me. I used to have this show truck, a '74 Ford pickup. Maybe not museum quality but still so nice I wouldn't dare haul anything in it in fear I'd scratch the original paint. I loved it dearly. But one day I was in a bad accident where the truck rolled over a few times into a ditch. (I was fairly fine by the way, but this is about the truck) My show truck was totaled. I couldn't bear to see it taken to the junk yard, so I had it towed to my back yard. For the next year, every time I would go outside I would feel a great loss when I looked at the heap of twisted metal and broken glass. But one day, I made a decision. I would fix it. I spent weeks beating the sheet metal, hammering the cab back out, and getting her started again. Today she's a farm truck. I drive her almost everyday, clearing logs, hauling hay, and even going on some off road trails for some weekend fun. I love it dearly. I love it as much as I did when it was a show truck. But there is a pain in me knowing that no matter what I do, it'll never be a show truck again. The truck in this story reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. But I'm at the stage where I'm the hunk of metal in the backyard. I must understand that I have been damaged beyond repair, so I have to choose whether or not to stay the same or reinvent myself into something new. I'm trying to choose the latter, but to do so I must make certain changes for my own good. One of which is to stop WTM. Does it mean I'll find love, no. But I do believe it will allow me to venture into unknown territory. I may or may not find love there, but I will give it a try. My only question to you guys is this. If you chose to stop waiting and decided to have sex with someone you loved and who loved you back, would you still feel guilty about it? And if so, do you think it could have a damaging effect on the relationship?
  15. Okay Folks, Thanks for reading my massive essay and being kind enough to give your opinion. I have written below a topic that should have been included with the original posting. I think my point will come off more clearly. Now with that said I want you to all understand that I'm not looking for reasons to wait. My decision has been made many months ago, so unless somebody wants to go on a date or I happen to stumble into my true love in the next three months, I'm sticking to not waiting. One subject I should have shared in the original posting was a little more of how my feelings and attitude changed over the years. When I was 15 and drinking and smoking and doing dumb things, I was still a pretty happy kid. When I met that beautiful girl in high school that inspired me to change my ways, my happiness was nearly euphoric. I daydreamed constanty, lost in my own thoughts of a pure love. I became a writer, I wrote stories and poems and I would philosiphize about how such a love could change the world if more people opened up to it. I had dreams of the possibilities the future could have. Maybe there was dream where we were riding bikes down a country road, or having a picnic by a waterfall. Or maybe sitting under a shade tree listening to her share her dreams, sometimes I just dreamt of holding her as we stared into each other's eyes. Okay, so maybe these aspiations seem a little to fantasy Norman Rockwell-esque, and even then I knew nothing usually worked out that perfect in the real world, I still had the energy and drive to try to make it happen. But as the years went by I found that dream fading dimmer and dimmer. Getting rejection after rejection from every girl I talked to turned my glass half full attitude upside down. Everytime I met a new girl, instead of daydreams and aspirations I'd start to think about how it was going to fail. Don't misunderstand, I greeted ever new possibility with a smile on my face but my heart was not so outgoing. In 2008, a great revelation took place that would worsen my outlook on life ten fold. I had a conversation with that first high school love, and asked her why, after all my better changes did she not accept me. Her answer was this. She said that she could never love me because I wasn't Christian. She could never love me when I was a rebellious teen, she could never love me as moral gentleman. She then stated that out of all the relationships she'd ever had, of all the crushes and flings, no one had ever loved her as I had. But it never mattered, because I wasn't Christian. It was then that it hit me. I saw a shocking pattern in all the girls that rejected me. The girl who rejected me because my teeth were too crooked. The girl who rejected me because I didn't have enough money, because I didn't have a cool enough car, I wasn't popular enough, cool enough, attractive enough. All of the qualities I prided of myself to be a better person weren't even on the table. No one cared if I was more honest than the next guy, or more trusting or more loving. No one cared that I was saving myself as a vow of true commited love. I could have been the biggest asshole on earth for all they cared and it wouldn't have made a difference. It seems that effort, and all the isolation the effort caused, was for nothing. I had a true (medically recorded) nervous breakdown that evening that I have never recovered from. So nowadays, there is just an empty shell of the person I was. The morals are still there but the dreams are gone. They have been filled by darkness and bitterness to the world. I have come to have severe anger problems over the years. Not violent or outspoken by any means, I have a tendency to hold it all in until I implode on myself. Sometimes I can't breath, or I feel like I'm having a heart attack. My cousin who lives in a garage apartment behind my house is so different from me. He has two beautiful girlfriends, and cheats on them both. His idea of a good time is getting drunk, playing video games, screwing his girls, and then calling me up to describe his night of screwing like it was so good it had to be shared. I love him as family, but as a person he disgusts me. Night after night I hear them through our open windows. I hear them talking, laughing, giggling, and screwing. And I get bitter toward them. What makes him think he can do so little and get so much?! But what really makes me angry, the anger that makes me tremble and panic, is how jealous I am of him. I look at him and his lack of values, then I look at myself sitting in emptiness and despair. Who is the pathetic one now? I always knew life wasn't fair, but I never thought it could be so cruel. People always tell me that I have to love myself before I can love others. I must have missed class that day, because I don't get it. I always thought happiness was given out, absorbed if you will. If I can make a nice girl smile, I will be gratified. If that girl can make me smile back, I will glow. And if I can make her glow, I will feel a great purpose has been fulfilled. And if she gives me her heart, I'll give her mine, and I'll love her forever. Happiness will then be abundant, even through life's most trying moments, because there is a bond that cannot be broken, except for a lack and loss of love. So short answer: No, I don't think I can just sit here and automatically love myself in such a one sided world. I guess this is why I decided not to wait anymore. It's not because I can't wait to have sex or because I've been rejected too many times or whatever. It's because the dream is gone. Those once beautiful visions and musings are now so corrupted they don't even make sense to me anymore. They just cause my unbearable pain, which has only worsened over the years. I feel if I keep hanging onto this last thread of hope I will literally end up in an insane asylum or prison or dead. That may sound harsh but it's true, as i feel I'm reaching my limits of control. Just because I'm choosing not to wait anymore doesn't mean I'm going to just jump in the sack with some bimbo. Although not waiting will increase my odds a good bit, I don't expect love to find me easier. But for my own health I must force myself not to care as much. I must stop worrying about being the good guy, and start being the guy who will be able to survive the day. I must replace the daydreams with activities to occupy my time. I must not allow my thoughts to wander. Always keeping a lookout for a decent girl, but not hoping for it, not praying for it. And I must keep myself so busy that I exhaust myself every day, that way I'm simply too tired to cry myself to sleep. I don't expect this madness to ever go away unless a great love is brought into my life. But with a properly adjusted outlook, I aim to blind it, to deafen it, so I can hear the world again. Maybe someone will tell a joke...and I'll crack a smile.