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  1. Today
  2. 'Woman' vs 'Girl'

    Here is my response, but I'm curious as to yours... I really admire you, but I still believe that context matters...not just the individual word itself. So, I can see your point in that we need the world to understand that, in a case similar to what you said with men sit at a bar and referring to a women sitting near, men should be respectful and honor her as the grown woman that she is. However, I do think there are circumstances where we need to remember that it can be acceptable, or even affectionate, talk...such as 'I'm going out with my girls' or 'That beautiful woman over there? That's MY girl. I am a lucky guy'. Not only have I said the first, but I'd be thrilled to have a man think so much of me that he'd want to point me out like that simply because he feels lucky that I'm his. These phrases do not mean I do not see my female friends as children, nor that my would be love feels I'm less than he. Context matters. That's what we should be teaching. Things such as calling a professional woman, in the workplace, by ma'am, or Doctor so-n-so or whatever. Calling your secretary 'miss' is appropriate unless she's a missus, but revering to her as your 'girl' is unacceptable and demeaning, whether your male of female. On the other hand a husband referring to his wife and daughter as his 'girls' is an affectionate term and, unless his wife tells him otherwise, he should feel comfortable with using it. The same thought process can be used toward males 'guys' vs 'men'. However, guys do tend to not get overly sensitive about this kind of thing because they haven't had to deal with the struggles women have to be seen as intelligent and equal. Still, we can't expect to use 'girls' for just children under 18, and still use 'guys' when we speak about men. The examples for acceptable or unacceptable are endless but what it boils down to is this... Context matters.
  3. Yes, there are many people who have not been brought up with proper guidance and instruction in these matters. I can share my views and beliefs with such a person. However, someone that is not already waiting is not someone that I could consider a 'potential romantic partner'. There is the possibility that someone will falsely say they are now waiting. They might be lying and are waiting for the person to drop their standards. Or secondly, they may have made the decision without thinking it through and will then abandon it as soon as things become inconvenient for their lustful desires. Someone could truly change, but I could not consider them a potential match at the time. I could only consider someone a 'potential romantic partner' if they share my faith. If someone claims to be a believer but are committing fornication, believers are then commanded to not associate with them (Corinthians 5:11). If someone claimed to a believer but were living immorally then it would indicate that they are either not a real believer or that they know very little of the religion they claim. Neither are attractive statuses. I once talked to a girl (a waiter) who said that her ex-boyfriend was not virgins. He first said he would wait, but then later said that he couldn't wait any longer and pressured her to change. She stayed with him until he finally broke up with her. The whole scenario could probably been prevented in the first place. At the least, she could have ended things as soon as their boyfriend changed (or just revealed his true motive). @Ariel Rose: Many people here have strong preferences about who they could accept or not accept as a romantic partner. Regardless of what someone could accept or not accept in a potential significant other's past; I would say that one should not be with someone that is not presently committed to waiting. Waiters do not automatically equal virgins though. There are plenty of virgins who are not waiting (they haven't had a chance or haven't been successful in changing their "status" or are too shy/awkward, etc.; and then there are waiters who are not virgins (they either regret their past, or were widowed, etc).
  4. Yesterday
  5. Practical Masculinity

    I have been giving these two threads a LOT of thought...and I still haven't come up with much that I feel applies to one side more than the other. Here are a few things I can think of, and some have already been mentioned. Strength: Being able to stand up for his woman, his family, his convictions. For instance, there are times when a mother believes that there is no woman good enough for her son, or his aunt might make a snide remark about her, in these cases a mans ability to stand up for her and tell them to respect her is admirable. I've know of these things to happen, and I found it sad that a wonderful woman would be made to feel unworthy by his family, yet he stood by and did nothing but let her take it. Integrity: Not an exclusively masculine, it does make me feel a man is a 'REAL' man if his integrity is intact. If he can be who he says he is, and this can be different things given the different circumstances in life, he is someone I can trust. This trait, I've found, is rare...unfortunately. Open-mindedness: Also, not exclusively masculine, this trait gives me a truly sensational feeling when I talk with a man (friend or potential mate) who stands his ground, but knows that true intelligence is the ability to recognize when our minds need to change. A man who can have a conversation and really consider the sides he may not agree with at first and be open about what is being said, take that information and really deliberate with himself and others, before coming to a conclusion as to whether or not his first thoughts felt right to him, or the thoughts of another person might be worthy of changing his mind. This would include conversing with me, or other women. His ability to accept that women are capable of much knowledge and wisdom, and he respect their thoughts as much as any man. Geekhood: OK, OK...not the typical trait, I know. For me, however, a man who embraces the child inside of himself and has fun in whatever manner that shows itself is amazing in my eyes. Be it gaming, comic books, science, math...anything he can totally 'fan girl' out about without hesitation...and, a man who will use the phrases 'fan girling' or 'geeking out' gets bonus point. This is a trait I enjoy in male friends, and I totally go gaga over in a love interest. Standing Tall: Literally and metaphorically speaking. If he is confident in himself, shy or outgoing. I don't mind a shy man, but he needs to be at least be confident in who we are and where he wants us to be headed as a couple, and be able to communicate with me. So, I guess I could think up a few... They might not be typical, or how others feel.
  6. Be a mentor for your wife

    Thank you for clarifying his thoughts. I understand, now. I don't agree with most of it, such as needing a man to realize our weaknesses for us and to help us anymore than they need us to do that for them. Part of my reasoning is that we are not guaranteed a mate. So, if we do not find a mate we are capable, as men and women of God, to pray on our weaknesses and work on them ourselves. We, as women, were made as helpmates, yes, but that doesn't mean just to a man. Nor does it mean unequal...which, unless I am misunderstanding, if a man needs to help us realize our weaknesses, and guide and support us to fulfill our potential. However, this doesn’t happen instantly. There is a work of patience, of mentor, of supporter that the man has to achieve around his wife in order that she can realise who she is. TD Jakes was saying to men, to not be discouraged by the speed with wich their wives progress, because they could miss the best person she could become. I think that every man has to be mature and be able to assist his wife, take out the best from her. To nourrish her of words of encouragements, to love her unconditionally, to create platforms where her potential will be exploided. This is a revelation I give you, based upon my own life. A man who decides to assist his wife, to help her to take out the best from her, is a man that God will bless abundantly. I said, abundantly. The way I read this is that men go into a realationship fully ready and whole in God and faith, where women on the other hand need him to realize her faith and potential as a woman. What I'm saying is is that I've taken something totally different from the verses he referred to... When God gives you a wife, He is well aware, that she isn’t at the TOP. That’s why the Bible tells this : (My 'WHAT!?!' Moment, and how I read these two passages differently that he does, apparently.) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. Ephesians 5v25-29 Be patient with your spouse. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13v4-7 However, AFTER those verses it feels like the tone changes to one where the two are more equal and balance each other...working together, even helping EACH OTHER realize weaknesses. This was where I started agreeing and it made sense to what I believe, and have been taught, of men and women and what we should be to each other. Allowing a man to lead doesn't mean he needs to teach us as though we are less than and need fixing. If that were the case then I might never be fully who I should be because I may never marry. I'm sorry, my point that I was trying to make is that from the first part to the second I got confused and I was pointing out why. Thank you for sharing this. Even though I am not a man, it does make me think...even if I don't agree in whole.
  7. Be a mentor for your wife

    ooops Actually, nope the goal of this article wasn't to make you confused I'm sorry if that is the case... Honestly...I don't know how to make things clear...but I will try... To sum up the opinion of William Djamen, he tries to explain that a husband has to be an example for his wife, and help her spiritually and in the other areas of her life. In short, he has to be a leader for her...A leader with love and compassion. And when he realises the weaknesses in her, his role is not to put her down, but to pray with her and support her and encourage her... Those are the main ideas... I hope it helps you and clarifies a little bit
  8. The Importance of Attraction

    Thank you very much Skald
  9. Practical Masculinity

    As per request, here is a brief outline of some traits I consider masculine (though not necessarily exclusively): Righteousness. The greatest men are virtuous, upstanding, honest men capable of the highest level of self discipline and self control. It is masculine to be honorable, principled, and independently follow a strict moral code. Nothing is more attractive to me than a righteous man who cannot be brought down or bought. Intention. Firm in convictions and values, discerning, resolute, always striking to the heart of the matter. I want to feel comparatively weak to a man, not because I am weak, but because of his unwavering strength in his identity, beliefs, and right course of action. A man should make me keenly aware I am a woman. Consistency. Possessing an even mood, outlook, personality, and temperament. Men lack the overt cyclic hormonal fluctuations of womanhood, and therefore ought to be a stabilizing force in a woman's life. The more consistent a man is, the more I respect him and feel comfortable around him. Presence. Composed, in control, and self reliant. Masculinity is noticeable, not in a flashy way, but through a calm confidence free from the desire to prove anything. There is no hint of desperation, needing approval, or requiring validation.
  10. Practical Femininity

    Femininity isn't valued in our society these days. Both men and women have some mix of both feminine and masculine qualities, though men naturally are more inclined to be masculine and women towards feminine. Women today are encouraged to forsake their feminine instincts in favor of masculine qualities. Femininity is often seen as weak and something that ought to be rejected. But nothing could be further than the truth. Femininity is beautiful, natural and is a sign of strength. Feminine energy is necessary to balance out the masculine in this world. Here are feminine traits which stand out to me the most. Fertility/Child bearing: This is perhaps the most profound and powerful feminine trait in the world. A woman's fertility is unfortunately seen as a disease nowadays and children are seen as an inconvenience towards a woman's path to a career. This is a dangerous lie that has been propagated so deeply in Western society. Women literally have the ability to give life to a human being. Our very survival as a species is greatly dependent on a ability to give birth. How could that be anything but empowering? Nurturance: Closely tied to maternity but not exclusively so. Nurturance can also extend to caring for family, friends or members of the community. A woman's natural urge to nurture is vital to ensuring the well being of others both physically and emotionally. The ability to give life ultimately doesn't mean much without it accompanied by someone devoted to the care and elevation of said life. Tenderness: The masculine nature of competitiveness and leadership often leads to stress and weariness. The harsh demands of every day life need to be tempered by tenderness, lest we risk getting burnt out and losing our drive to continue. We all could do with some tenderness in our lives so that we can recharge and feel refreshed to fight another day. Submissiveness: A trait that is not politically correct, especially in regards to women, yet I make no apologies for it. It's an often misunderstood term that is associated with abuse, weakness or lacking of one's own identity. In truth, it has nothing to do with any of those things. In the context of a loving relationship, submissiveness can greatly benefit it. Submissiveness in practical terms can simply be a voluntary act in allowing and trusting a man to thrive in his masculine inclination to lead. Most women prefer a man who leads. When a man is given way to lead, he feels manly and needed. That in turn allows him to feel empowered to fulfill most women's desire to be taken care of and protected. It's the perfect balance. Playfulness: Let's face it, men can often times be real stiffs and I don't mean physically (although we often are in that way too ). I mean we have a tendency to be structured and rigid in our way of thinking and just take life too seriously at times. A man needs a woman's spontaneity and playfulness to help us chill out and bring out the mischievous little boy in us. This also happens to be a trait I find absolutely irresistible in a woman. I couldn't agree more Grace, I think encompasses many of the softer and more gentle positive traits that we need in our society and they are most definitely feminine in nature.
  11. Last week
  12. Be a mentor for your wife

    Am I supposed to be as confused as I am? Was that somehow the point?
  13. Be a mentor for your wife

  14. The Importance of Attraction

    Thank you very much !!! I couldn't agree more You totally got me

    You know? I've heard this many times. I wonder why that is. I guess people are use to hearing southern, or New York, or something, accents. lol
  16. Be a mentor for your wife

    I know I'm not a guy, but I'm very confused. The first half of the article I got something completely different from what I got from the second half. I went from having the thought 'What!?!' to having the thought 'Oh, yes, that makes sense.'
  17. Forgiveness will make you creative

    I've also read Character defined as: Who you are when no one is watching.
  18. The Importance of Attraction

    This thread got really weird.
  19. The Importance of Attraction

    Well...that´s not very classy..., and the one who´s not going to receive any interest is you actually, with your deceit. She just asked for the truth and you were unwilling to give an answer. And yes, we´re all sinners, but Jesus is actually the one that we should try to emulate, even though we may fall short. Just because David and Peter sinned that doesn´t give us an excuse to feel good about ourselves because " hey, we´re never going to be perfect, they sinned too". We are called to a higher standard. Plus, what David and Peter both have in common is that they both repented and changed their ways, their life. We are called to holiness each and everyday, not to mediocrity and complacency.
  20. The Importance of Attraction

    It's very hard to prove something that isn't true. The picture in your profile is of Jonas Sulzbach, a Brazilian model.
  21. The Importance of Attraction

    You’re welcome…although, I don’t think I can say the same regarding your first message. I’m sure you have plenty of men who are eager to prove themselves to you. However, I will never…in any way, shape, or form have any romantic interest in you. As a result, I have little desire to prove much of anything to you, convince you of anything, or to satisfy your misguided curiosity. I can do that for my loved ones, a woman of interest, or my future wife (if I ever marry)….but don’t see much value in doing that for a stranger on the internet, who misunderstood a comment and formed an opinion before asking questions. I did not say it justifies a Christian telling lies. You did and you’re branching off to a different topic. It justifies my point that even the best Christians are sinners. Look at King David…He slept with his best friend’s wife, got her pregnant, lied, plotted, deceived, murdered his friend, and even more. Even though he kept on sinning, God considered him a Godly man and welcomed him into his kingdom. Billy Graham- “But we still have the capacity to sin—and the reason is because we are still sinners! You see, in the Bible there is a difference between “sin” and “sins.” “Sins” are those things we do that are wrong—evil actions, wrong thoughts or motives, harsh or unkind words, even failing to do something we should have done (such as loving others).” You’re proving my point. You’re admitting here that Christians are sinners. There was one person who was not a sinner and that was Jesus. To believe that being a Christian places a person on the same level as Christ (who was not a sinner), would anger God. This would also undermine the Christian faith in several ways. We will all continue to sin no matter what religion or denomination. Heaven is the only place where we will not be capable of sinning. Until that time, I believe even the holiest of people are sinners. 1 John 1:8 “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” 1 Timothy 1:15 “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” Well those are just my views and like you, I will not turn this into a debate. Hope you're having a great day bye
  22. Forgiveness will make you creative

    What you said reminds me of this:
  23. Practical Femininity

    Here is a brief outline of some qualities which, from my perspective, lend a sense of femininity: Grace. Includes gentleness, empathy, compassion, kindness, generosity and devotion to loved ones. Knowing how to put others at ease and expressing genuine interest in their life and well being, which place attention on another besides oneself. I cannot think of another quality which greater epitomizes femininity. Elegance. Involves upholding a high code of ethics, observing proper etiquette/being polite, good posture, timeless style, attending to health and appearance. Some of these may seem more "shallow" or self centered on the surface but can indicate to others they are important to you, like dressing nice to a funeral, or eating well to live longer for your family. In short, elegance to me means living well. Tidiness. Knowing how, what and who to prioritize, managing time wisely, as well as keeping possessions clean and fresh. Contrary to the shopping example, I believe it's more feminine to not own much or spend beyond one's means. Simplicity in all areas of life signify a woman who is confident in who she is and what she wants. Youthful spirit. Possessing a novel crispness, positive attitude, playful sense of humor, and pleasant countenance throughout all stages of life. These are attractive and magnetic qualities at any age.
  24. Original article written by Bishop Johnson: Marriage is for grown-ups. It is not for children. It’s too complicated for the immature. But maturity is not about age. The world is filled with children who live in adult bodies; with babies who are six feet tall, with small boys who have hairy chests and pot bellies, and little girls who have gray hair and wrinkled faces. “Oh yes,” you say, “I am not a child and the person I am planning to marry is not one either. Don’t you see the hair on my chest? I was not born yesterday.” And so you think you are a grown-up and mature enough to marry because you are 30 years old now, or 40, or 50. Being a grown-up is not about when you were born. It has to do with how you see yourself and others, how you behave when you don’t get your way, and how you handle responsibility. Many people grow older without growing up. Would you marry a 10 year old? Then why are you willing to marry a person who behaves like a ten year old emotionally? And why should someone marry you, if that’s how you behave? A thirty year old man or woman who responds to life like a child is a child, no matter what his or her birth certificate says. After more than 30 years of counseling of men and women in marriages, one pastor said he could sum up what they all needed to do in two words: “Grow up!” How true! If you are contemplating marriage, make sure you plan to grow up first. And before you agree to marry someone, make sure he or she is a grown-up as well, and remember, you cannot rely on their birth certificate or driver’s license to determine their true “age.” Believe me–you do not want to be married to someone who behaves like a child emotionally. All of us have seen children rolling around on the floor, having temper tantrums, or retreating into a corner and refusing to play with other children when they don’t get their way. We’ve seen them pout and puff because somebody said no to them. But I have seen many adults behave in a similar way. When things do not go their way, they blow a fuse, holler like a baby, and start to pout and puff just because they do not get what they want or think they deserve. I do not care how old you may be, that type of behavior is a sure symptom of childishness, and an indicator that you are not as grown-up as you think. Perhaps, when old men and women like us behave like children do, we should be sent to our rooms like children and told to stay there until we grow up; or we should get our derrière spanked to teach us such behavior is unacceptable, in children, but most certainly in people who are supposedly adults and contemplating marriage. Listen, if you have marriage in mind, then you need to pay attention to what is now being called a person’s emotional IQ. How developed, how mature, how healthy are you and your potential spouse emotionally? How do you both behave when you do not have your way? You need to be honest with yourself about your own maturity level and that of the person you are thinking about marrying before deciding to marry, or you will be setting yourself up for much misery. Marriage really is for grown-ups. Are you willing to grow up? If not, you are not ready for marriage. Edit : I share two related videos below...(very deep, I have been blessed by the message)
  25. True beauty - Leslie Ludy

    I'm just sharing again It's not a question, but an audio message that brings reflection regarding the definition of true beauty ( according to God's pattern) Other videos I find very interesting:
  26. Forgiveness will make you creative

    Hey Flower !! Thank you so very much for having taken the time to express your gratefulness here ! I'm so glad that this message was a blessing for you and has helped you to find the answers you were seeking for! I just thank God because He has used me for this and for me that's a great honor. I had prayed God to be a blessing for all the persons on this site and that people can come closer to Him with the posts I put here. This is my goal. Because I know that the more a person is close to God, the happier this person is. Not only here on earth, but also in the afterlife. There is abundance of joy in the presence of Jesus. That's what I'm experiencing and that's wonderful ! And I wish that every human being could experience this. That's awesome that God has given you the force to forgive , and also He has revealed to you your purpose on earth. He has done the same for me Each human being was created with a purpose given by God. When we find this, that's awesome. I pray that God continue to bless you and that you can live the life that God has planned for you in Jesus name. Amen You're a blessing for me
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