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  1. Last week
  2. Humorous: Why you should wait!

    I was not waiting. I just needed a certified surgeon to operate on me.
  3. How many languages do you speak?

    currently i just speak the one: english. though i do know a few basic phrases in Russian. eventually i will learn russian, romanian and polish. honestly learning a new language isn't all that difficult; it requires time and dedication but it isn't rocket science. though first i will be focusing on english grammar because i want to be a grammar nazi XD
  4. Earlier
  5. I am literally double your age, and just married the man of my dreams 3 weeks ago. Don't give up. It's worth it for YOU and your standards.
  6. New relationship - how to tell him I'm waiting?

    This is amazing! Congratulations on the anniversary! I've been finding it hard lately to be a waiter. Not because of temptation (I'm hopelessly single) but because no one else values it. Sex is something that is expected of you and I feel looked down upon because I don't choose to do it. I just feel really down about it all and feel like maybe this isn't realistic. I'm happy about my choice, I couldn't be any other way, but it's hard when you're in a sea of people who treat sex like a handshake. Hearing your story gives me hope that maybe I could be wrong. I appreciate you sharing, thank you. I hope you have many more happy years of marriage. And it is definitely something to treasure. - Jess xx
  7. Humorous: Why you should wait!

    You should WTM so your partner won't know how bad in bed you are until it's too late for them to leave.
  8. We have a serious thread of why we decided to wait. I thought a more non-serious one could be fun! I made it third party so it doesn't have to be personal or gender specific. Be sarcastic, satirical, witty whatever. Shoot! Why should you wait? So your partner can't propose to you during sex! Have fun sharing that story...
  9. Interesting reading your post DHZ, and I can say that I totally understand your comment. I happen to attend a very large mega-church and if folks simply attended one of the weekend services with a crowd of over 10,000 people either attending one service or on the hallways transitioning so that the next 5,000 told could be sat and enjoy the worship experience then that person would be lost in the crowd. Thankfully my church focuses a lot on groups and other activities to bring together like minded individuals. But not for the specific purpose of meeting and dating someone. May I suggest you might bring this idea or liven up the idea of it's already happening at your particular church. Maybe and this is something we do in our groups, go out after groups and have a meal, ice cream, hang out in a group setting. Not for the purpose of meeting someone, but just for the community and fellowship. Enjoy the season of bachelorhood man, not in an irresponsible way of course. But also remember marriage is till death do you part. Hahahaha I don't quite understand why some of us are in such a hurry to find someone. We should try to enjoy and be productive in the season of our singleness. A couple points: It's kinda tough to be able to volunteer a reasonable amount when you've got toddlers at home to tend to. (First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes, ...) Then of course your disposable income will be reduced, a person might not be able to help with charitable causes as much when you've got a family to support. Secondly I think it's good to have waited a while before marriage and have practiced and built some skills and character traits to lean upon in marriage.
  10. Hi, I know this thread is long dead, but I just wanted to let you all know the end of the story in case anyone ends up reading this thread looking for advice for themselves! The guy I was seeing turned out to be amazing, and throughout the four years we went out he never pushed me to cross any boundary I set. If anything, I was the one who pushed! We made it though, and I walked up the aisle still a virgin! Last month we celebrated our first wedding anniversary! It can work out, so if it's a value you hold then don't let anyone tell it cant be done or it's not worth it! That said, I did learn even through waiting that if we had had sex it wouldn't have ruined anything except my expectations of myself. He wasn't a virgin and that was something I had to get my head around and get over the fact that he'd been with other girls, which was harder than I'd thought it would be, and it was super important that I remembered he hadn't done anything wrong towards me. But he was so patient and kind and let me work through my stuff and it was worth it. It's also important to remember that it takes practice to work out what works for you in bed, so if you wait till marriage, be prepared to spend the first year of it working out what you like and how it works best for each of you! That process is a lot of fun, but it also takes patience and kindness and openness, so don't be hard on yourself or your partner if it takes a while! Good luck to those of you still waiting. It can be done, and it's amazing to know that only one person has ever touched you that way, I treasure that. xx
  11. Just something I'm wondering, especially it seems like when she's talking about incels it sounds like she's talking about me except for the fact that I'm waiting till marriage. Of course when you've had the luck I've had with girls, you really can't call it a choice. I know this video contains hate facts and swearing, but it seems important to listen to. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoqOm_EVR_g&t=1581s
  12. Virgin Therapists: Home Sweet Hell

    Sorry for the late reply; lost sight of it.... I think you're misunderstanding the concept of interpersonal vulnerability. You might like to watch some videos on youtube - Brene Brown is a researcher addressing vulnerability. Vulnerability isn't weakness (though it can be problematic if you are habitually vulnerable to an abusive person or otherwise actioned unhealthily as much as other good things like generosity can take on an unhealthy form). Take a person who doesn't make themselves interpersonally vulnerable to another human being and you're talking about a psychopath. How do you gain confidence in someone else? No matter what their level of expertise or skill they are human and failure is always an option. Intellectual belief in their capabilities only gets you so far. I'm sure you've heard the Charles Blondin Wheelbarrow Story. And again, how do you develop trust? At its core through some form of risk. Doesn't mean you're wracked with fear and nail biting or that you are some mess of insecurities. You may not be consciously aware of taking the risk but it exists nonetheless. Confidence and trust in someone doesn't just spontaneously happen. It develops - it can increase and decrease. Certainly, people have different levels of base trust/confidence that they extend to others depending on various factors but that base level certainly wouldn't be enough for a marriage. A trust relationship exists because someone took a chance/risk. If not through some risk, what do you think grows trust or confidence in others? My guess would be that they've built their successful marriage through sharing their weaknesses, insecurities, and fears which gives the opportunity for increasing understanding and trust and responding to eachother's deeper concerns. That sharing takes vulnerability, it is a risk, because that knowledge can be used against the sharer. Someone you've opened up to, someone who knows you, can hurt you like no one else.
  13. How Can You Know if You Are Ready to Be a Godly Wife?

    I have read the claim that undocumented labour in the USA provides a net economic gain but regardless of that I don't think you can take this Bible text, which is of an individual nature and given to a conquered people under a foreign government and apply it as an argument against deportation of illegal immigrants by a government - and a secular one at that. This text cannot be use to effectively force others through government policy to be generous and impose open borders. Consider Romans 13:1–7.
  14. Jerusalem has walls around it, still, to this day.
  15. My number one and final recommendation is counseling. Both both of you. Honestly, forgiveness, and finding some common ground. This marriage is doomed if you don't do it soon.
  16. Regarding Addicts

    While you may also have some problems with anxiety and depression independent of porn consumption, from what I know they would be most likely causally linked. You are feeling some of the negative consequences of porn consumption. Its not worth it. Get help and get through it!
  17. Regarding Addicts

    I think the definition of addiction is fairly well defined. Diagnosing is what the layman may have difficulties with. Porn and alcohol aren't addictions. Addiction is a particular relationship with a substance or activity that may or may not be considered inherently addictive. Whether someone is an addict or not has nothing to do with the tolerance level of the one seeing the addict. While there are different levels of addiction they are all still addicts.
  18. You can have two dream rooms in your home, what do you want?

    What is a regular dungeon? Like...a cellar?? Dream room? A study that opens up to a private patio with plenty of room for plants and bees and some tinkering. A good kitchen is worth a lot too....
  19. Birth control/condoms as a married man or woman

    In the immortal words of Mark Gungor: "Wearing a condom is like eating an icecream cone with a sock on your tongue.” I haven't really given contraception much research. I imagine my wife will have done a lot more. The IUD sounds ok. I've also heard that neem is really effective too...
  20. Favorite saint of purity

    Yes, as interesting and important as these theological discussions are they do belong in a different thread. There are many different religious perspectives on this forum and debate should be restricted to threads designed for debate out of respect and preventing threads from getting derailed. @Geraldine Maybe you would like to start a separate discussion thread?
  21. Hey happy birthday!

  22. Yo @Invincible, can we get this shifted to VDA? No idea sorry. I don't really know more than I wrote. But they wouldn't be the only ones struggling with getting the sex life kickstarted in marriage (see podcast below). So the guy might not be a natural romantic. I would suggest not giving "hints" but being direct and giving him the bottom line. There is a gender difference in communication style. A female might pick up on your hints but a male may not. "I feel it is special when..." "I don't feel it is special when..." As with anything, you'll have to give him grace that his version of special may be different from yours and you will (likely) need to compromise to some extent if you want to set up a healthy relationship. Remember that while he may have had sex with others this is his first time with you too and his desires and expectations are also relevant, not just yours. Basically don't assume you like or dislike anything because some other partner liked or didn't like it. Here is a link to a podcast I like to listen to and only came across this segment a little while ago and thought it relevant to a number of issues you are facing: the "Ok sex is Ok" section with Gary Thomas http://www.boundless.org/podcast-section/2017/marks-of-a-mature-christian-episode-469 Hmmm. He doesn't give enough foreplay and you pump the breaks because he is rushing things; he gives extended foreplay and you pump the breaks because you feel guilty instead of aroused. You are pumping the breaks because you don't feel something is special enough when he does but you also feel guilty when the sex feels like its just all about you and pump the breaks. Can you see a significant problem here? Rather than an addon to the problem, it may be the problem - and "his problems" are an easier and more comfortable target. He may have problems, but that doesn't excuse you owning up to and working on your own. Interacting with only one party is necessarily limiting. Have you sought couple/individual counselling? This would be particularly relevant if you have vaginismus or something similar. By the sounds of things seeing a sex therapist would most probably be beneficial too - for him and you. An attitude of (if you have it) "I'll work on my problems when he works on his" is not healthy. The only thing you can control is yourself. A common problem in marriages are cycles of hurt that can only break when one person "chooses to be the bigger person". Check this out: http://www.drsuejohnson.com/where-does-love-go-wrong/ What baggage would you be accepting and how would you be accepting it? But you are married now so apart from seeking repentance for and working through guilt for past choices I don't see the relevance. How long ago was your wedding btw for some context? Anyone else have any ideas? I'm feeling a little alone out here... Any ladies?
  23. Congratulations on your wedding, Lovelyish!

    Yay Congratulations! Hope you had and are having an awesome time
  24. Jojo, Welcome, :). I second what Vince posted here. It is possible to wait and find the type of man that you are looking for. I am also a firm believer in staying true to your values and beliefs. Even though those around you may have failed relationships, it does not mean that you will have one. I think it is normal to think about sex a lot (especially at your age) but that does not mean that you need to have sex and be like everyone else. I know from experience that I also think a lot of about sex and meeting my future wife, however, I want to wait till marriage to honor her and our relationship.
  25. Hi! I haven't been around the forums as much, but more so because I started investing myself more fully into different things. I actually was involved in a nasty auto accident back in September 2015 and the brain injuries from that have become something I'm still working on. (Thats another reason for my absence.) So, just a lot of medical stuff both from that and which have come up since. That's vague, but nonetheless my life right now is pretty revolved around fighting through it all. Still successfully wtm, also! I'm 24 now but I still have people think I look like a teenager at times, while people who know me say I carry myself/act a few years older than I actually am. Haha I don't mind hearing either. It's neat hearing from you!
  26. Birth control/condoms as a married man or woman

    Ladies, it all actually depends on your body type. Every women reacts differently to the same birth control pills. I have been using Yasmin pills for over a year as birth control pills, and I should admit it works perfectly. You can find info on these pills on Canada Drugs . It describes all the possible side effects.
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