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  1. Today
  2. I created a server on Discord when the chat went down here and emailed Mike about permission to drop the link in the forum, but he never replied. It was suggested to me to post it, so here is a link: https://discord.gg/y9h4mmy As you can see, I've set it up perfunctorily, but it still needs a lot of work. I don't have time to manage it myself so, when there are enough people in, I'll elect someone to help me manage it.. I'm also quite open to suggestions, I just mirrored the forum more or less. Also, if this is a nono of some sort, let me know, and I'll take it down.
  3. WHERE ARE YOU?!

    Amen
  4. WHERE ARE YOU?!

    You use such a fascinating and relatable way of speaking. Particularly here, I deeply understand the desire to enter the headspace of being far away from your own self. I always refer to it as "being sick with myself", I always want to get away from things inside me. Painful memories. Absurd, unnecessary or stupid thoughts. Vanity. Self hatred. Temptations. General garbage and distractions that my head is crammed full of. But, especially with my increasing work schedule, I find it much more difficult to enter that meditative and soothing headspace where I am far away from myself. The only ways I have been able to do so are by watching or reading stories, or coming to this site. I'd be quite grateful if you could tip me off on those ways you say you've found to remain more in that state of consciousness.
  5. WHERE ARE YOU?!

    *applause What a lovely story. I really love reading these.
  6. Yesterday
  7. Post the link to the discord on the Announcements and Feedback forum. We can use it as unofficial chat for now.
  8. Last week
  9. @Faeries Awesome, happy to hear that. I believe that if you're putting yourself out there and are working really hard on yourself, then people will notice it. They'll be drawn to you. It's possible that you could meet your future spouse this way, or maybe you meet somebody who potentially knows your future spouse. Maybe you'll find them in any of the communities you get involved in, or heck, maybe you'll even find them right here. You are never going to know how it'll happen, so it's best not to discount any possible avenues for that meeting to happen. Above all else, as long as you aren't literally hiding from everybody, you should be fine. That's something that I'm still learning and trying to overcome. I think they can get in the way, but it all depends on what they are. Honestly, non-waiters have a lot more reign to be shallow because their pool is so much larger. Some of them have such extremely specific and ridiculous standards that would make any of our own seem insignificant in comparison. And as you said, they do get to mess around with whoever they want in the meantime, so their "struggles" would be substantially downplayed. As for people like us, it undoubtedly is more difficult, but it's not nearly as bad as it seems. I'm not sure how everybody else sees it, but for me, it all boils down to being emotionally compatible, having matching beliefs and similar interests. Being a virgin WTM sets the stage for the possibility of satisfying all three of those things, so I also hold that as a necessity. I also don't mean to downplay physical attractiveness, because it still is important. Personally I just have no clear cut idea of what my future wife should look like. As long as we both are really attracted to each other, then that's all that matters. I don't think all of that is much different from what any other waiter would want. I also don't think any of that is so specific that it becomes intrusive either. I agree with you though, I was able to realize these preferences through my time alone. You're also right that I wouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't meet them. By now I've come to accept that, and it's good to stay hopeful about it. As for falling in love unexpectedly, I think it could still happen. I know it probably won't happen for me unless I just happen to fall for someone who coincidentally meets all of my preferences. I don't know, I don't bank on that happening, but I guess it's still possible. I think it would literally have to be some kind of divine intervention for that to actually happen. But for waiters who are far less cautious than I am, yeah, I can still see it happening. I'm sure it has happened before. Compared to non-waiters, I think we're being molded to be much stronger people, far less dependent on others and more secure in ourselves. We will have so much more to give to our spouse when we eventually find them, and we'll be far more appreciative of them since we never had anybody before them. As much as we all might be struggling now, it's only serving to make us all the more tougher and wiser. Being prepared for the worst case scenario is nothing more than a precaution, as I strongly doubt it's going to be the reality for most of us. So try to stay strong, and keep doing your best. I don't think any of us have that much longer to wait.
  10. I'm pretty much like that too. I don't believe in love at first site or any of that sort of stuff, lust at first sight is what I believe happens. How can you possibly fall in love with someone you know nothing about? I believe that allowing yourself to fall in love with someone is a choice and it's probably because we have so much more to lose in comparison to non-waiters. We aren't after the physical aspect in a relationship so emotionally, we have to be much more guarded and that probably prevents us from "falling in love" in comparison to non-waiters (I could be very wrong about this though). Oddly enough I've had this conversation with my friends about "my list" and it's pretty long but less and less of them are deal-breakers as I get older with my main deal-breakers being that they are: Christian, virgin, older than me, have a good education. However, if I was to meet a non-virgin, they would need to tick every item on my long list before I could even consider dating them. But honestly, I'm at a point where I would be very willing to wait forever but after a certain age I don't think I'd want to get married if I haven't met someone by then
  11. Expectations in marriage

    @Geraldine Yes, praise the Lord! Not a problem and thanks for sharing the article It's definitely not the most natural thing as you've said. It's taken me a while to get to this point. Before when I used to hear things like "enjoy your singleness" and "focus on God" I'd always think "easy for you to say, you're all in relationships/have dated/are married etc" and almost get angry at them. But now I can definitely see the advantages to being single, you're able to focus on things important to you, like your relationship with God, without bringing someone else into it which adds extra complications (both good and bad). But once you get to that point of fulfillment and satisfaction (in Jesus) other things don't tend to matter as much
  12. @DHZ You should acquire 3 things: 1. Confidence 2. Personal goals 3. An attitude of indifference I don't have a church (I'm not even Christian), I've alienated my friends, and my family is overall unsupportive of my life choices. Still, I have offers, and plenty of them. It must be magic, right? Not really. See, I talk to strangers on a daily basis, and I have no problem starting a conversation with one. When I talk to girls, I really don't care whether or not they like me. Why? I don't have impressing her or dating her as a goal. Hell, most of the time I don't even like her, which accounts for the reason I reject more girls than I pursue. Why? I don't care, because I have bigger goals than getting a date. What are your goals? Do you have something about which you're so passionate that it keeps you up at night and sets your heart on fire when you think about it? When you have that, people can feel it. You exude an energy of determination and single-minded intense pursuit of what YOU want out of life, what YOU love, what YOU care about. Ever seen a man who is very obviously “on a mission”? He barrels past everyone and everything and ignores every distraction he finds. People don't shy away from him, they want to see where he's going! Where is he going that is more important than all the temptations and pleasures and fun times he doesn't even notice out of the corner of his eye because he's so obsessed with his goal?! Sure, you could just play the numbers. If you talk to 20 or 30 girls this week and, after a conversation that builds rapport, you ask her for her number, at least one of them will say yes. Statistically, it should play out that way. If you get a yes before 19 nos, congratulations, you're good at talking to girls, 1/20 is more or less average. Still, wouldn't it be better if they were drawn to your fire? Your passion for your goals is that fire and, the more passionately you burn for it, the more brightly you burn for all to see. Do this right, and your commitment to WTM will be a self-discipline measure instead of a mentality you fall into. Also, @K.T. gave great advice about going to the gym. Seriously, it helps. Oh, and I created a server on Discord when the chat went down here and emailed Mike about permission to drop the link in the forum, but he never replied. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  13. Try interest groups based on your actual interests and hobbies. I've never really tried online dating, but I have had luck with online groups centered around my interests. The aforementioned meetup.com suggestion is great too.
  14. Account.

    So as you guys can see I wish to delete my account. If anybody still wishes to chat you can add me on Skype. My user name is Robyn_Aleece^.^(minus the cute face!)
  15. My search area is pretty big, probably too big. It's just really hard to drive to St. Louis for an event after working all day. I do need to get out more.
  16. Thanks @Adam. I actually feel a lot better about it now. You're right that being optimistic is better than moping around about it, and assuming the worst. I don't know how I'll feel after I reach a certain age (if I'm still alone) , but I suppose that if I work on my own happiness from now, it won't be so bad when I get there. I wonder if our preferences get in the way more than non-waiters. I think most people tend to be way too specific about what they want, but because they aren't waiters, it's easier for them to date around and get to know different people, eventually falling in love unexpectedly. Since our options are limited, we have a lot of time on our hands to come up with the perfect dream guy/ girl, and because most of us don't feel we have the luxury to mess around, if we don't get that dream person, we aren't interested. (Why do I feel like I've said this before? ) I know I'm that way, but those guys were more than likely, all non-waiters. My theory might be wrong though, as I don't see why waiters can't fall in love unexpectedly as well. I'm more so thinking of myself, maybe.
  17. Well, that sure is a bleak way of looking at it. I suppose I'm just more hopeful about it. I like to believe that most of us will find what we seek, as long as we're actually working towards attaining it. There are so many good people here that it would truly be a shame if they were to end up alone. I'm hoping for the best for all of you. I think everybody has their own ways of combating that possibility. For me, I've been working really hard on improving my body and my mind. I want to be healthy forever and I want to be genuinely happy with myself. I'm also trying to open up and actually connect with people. I'm not staying hidden anymore, and I want to prove to myself that I can be worth something to at least one person. I really believe that my efforts are leading me in the right direction. I also think that we're all here for a reason. Everything in our lives panned out the way they did and led us to where we stand now for a reason. Now you could interpret that as evidence suggesting that you are meant to be alone, but I wouldn't be so hasty to jump to that conclusion. All of the struggles we've endured and the emotions we're feeling are all just part of the path. It's shaping us into being the type of person we need to be in order for us to not only find our spouse, but also to be able to truly connect with them. Personally, I'm interpreting all of this as God looking out for us. I know that not everyone is going to buy into that idea, but it just makes sense to me. All in all, if people take care of themselves and have a good heart, I don't see how they could ever end up alone. There are just too many people in the world for that to actually happen. While being alone is always going to be a possibility, it's just that. A possibility, and it's honestly a very unlikely one at that. I know that our preferences are going to make the number of options dwindle substantially, but really, the world is so much bigger than we give it credit for. That's something I learned by coming here and getting to see so many kinds of people. I know for certain now that I'm not chasing some kind of pipe dream. None of us are. What we want is absolutely real, and it will all come down to how hard we're willing to work and how long we'll need to wait. So all these things help keep me going. It's enough for me to just accept the possibility of being alone, but it would do me no good at all to actually believe that I will be alone. That would just demotivate me, though I can't speak for how you would feel about it. Well, I don't think you'll be alone. Not sure if me saying that will do much for you, but I'm saying it anyway. I don't have any reason to believe that you deserve to be alone. Maybe you have reasons, but in that case you might just be being far too critical of yourself. But I wouldn't know as it's none of my business, so I really don't have any right to speak on that matter. Just keep hanging in there, is all I can really say. It's probably too early to force yourself to find security in being alone. Also, my previous post in this thread seems really emotional. I must have been heated about something on the day I posted it. Naturally, I still standby everything I said in it. That isn't changing. Though I want to clarify that I don't have any problems with people who don't meet my preferences. I don't mean to judge them, and I still would be willing to be friends with them. I just wouldn't be capable of forming a romantic attraction to them, and I must have felt strongly compelled to justify myself. By now, I'm totally comfortable with having my preferences, even if people may disagree with or dispute them. I'm completely fine with that. I know myself, I know what it will take and nothing can change that.
  18. Expectations in marriage

    Thank you very much @Invincible Actually, I discovered her recently, this year, and like you I really enjoyed her mindset and I'm greatly blessed with her posts. I've never watched her videos, so thank you for sharing. I will take time to discover this. And I agree with everything that you said regarding marriage @BlackRose : Unbelievable, but true ! For once I agree 100% with what you said See...miracles happen Thank you for having shared your opinion I definitively agree when you say that you seek to strenghten your relationship with Him before entering a romantic relationship. that's wise to do so. and that's what all christians are supposed to do : to find their contentment in Jesus, first and foremost...and then, when God decides, enter a romantic relationship. That's true that's not a natural and easy thing to do... but it's truly awesome and beautiful once we manage to do that with His help... We can then truly enjoy live to the fullest, no matter what happens
  19. Expectations in marriage

    I think that this is something that a lot of single people who chase after being in a relationship forget. Being in a relationship, marriage and having a spouse won't in itself make you happy. They will add extra things to your life (both good and bad) but you can be fully content without being married or have a husband/wife. The more I look to Jesus, the more I realise this. It's only in him where I can find true happiness since people, including your spouse will let you down and be a source of unhappiness. But if you do get into a good marriage then that's a massive blessing in itself. The exact same thing could be said regarding men and their sexual needs. Society is also filled with men who believe that the success of their marriage is determined by how often they have sex and how good the sex is and that if the husband isn't happy then it's the wife's fault for not fulfilling their sexual needs. Some men may take it further and use this basis as a reason to cheat on their wives just like women who try and get their emotional needs met elsewhere; both are problematic and come from unrealistic expectations in marriage. It's also used as a method to guilt-trip a lot of women into having sex with their husbands when they would otherwise wouldn't in order to ensure that he doesn't step outside but the same could probably be for men feeling obliged to meet all of their wife's emotional needs so they too don't step outside emotionally when it's impossible. There are two side to every story and I like others have stated would love to see one for men although I assume it would mainly be about sex, respect and masculinity (or something along those lines). Oddly enough I'm actually not - probably because I relate to this myself in terms of how I deal with people. I'm rather stubborn so I know that one bone of contention will be the fact that I will expect to get my way on certain matters. However I also understand the reality of the situation is that I won't always get my way and this will lead to me feeling "unloved" at that moment since I tend to take things very very personally - something I've tried to change but it just ends up being more destructive in the long-run due to the built up resentment. It's this mentality that shows me that I'm not ready for a relationship and certainly not marriage yet since honestly, there seem to be more costs than benefits. So I'm just looking to strengthen my relationship with Jesus atm, since I'll only find true happiness in him
  20. HI^_^

    Welcome!
  21. Expectations in marriage

    Awesome article, @Geraldine! I love April, the Peaceful Wife and watch her videos on Youtube. I hate how our society is full of people who are of the belief that the success of a marriage is measured entirely by the wife's feelings. If she's not happy then somehow it's the husband's fault for failing to fulfill her emotional needs. A husband's responsibility is to love her as Christ loves the Church, but he has no control over how his wife feels. If you watch April's videos, she has said in multiple occasions that she used to be the ultra-nagging, controlling and disrespectful wife to her husband until God convicted her heart to change. Her husband is not God, he's a sinner just as much as she is. Therefore he cannot give true happiness that only God can provide. The fact is that this kind of unrealistic expectations is born from selfishness. We cannot expect our spouses to fulfill our every single need at all times. We are going to fail each other at some point or another. I highly recommend watching April's youtube videos. She provides so much wisdom on marriage. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXnU0StfBrat4p5X1SxS7Fg
  22. How pets affect your dating/love life!- The more pets you have the worse your dating life is I really find it a turn off when someone is really obsessed with their pets (fur babies as some call them ) I would really prefer that someone I was dating didn't have pets, or at the very least that those pets aren't ones that require much time and care. If I ever get pets it will be after I get married and settled. A pet may wear a leash, but a pet owner is also on a leash too- a pet owner's mobility and freedom is restricted because they have to take care of their pets.
  23. HI^_^

    Welcome to the forum
  24. Expectations in marriage

    @PG1 and @K.T. Thank you very much for your comments I'm glad this article has been beneficial for you ^^ To tell the truth, the author of this article is a christian married woman talking to christian single ladies. In order to give them christian advices regarding relationships. Your observations are accurate, because I agree some men have also unrealistic expectations regarding marriage. And they need good advices in this area also... but I'm not sure there are articles regrding men on her blog... If I find any, I will be glad to share with you
  25. Expectations in marriage

    I'd like to find out about this too.
  26. Expectations in marriage

    I have to admit, I'm a little surprised that there are women that think this way. I'm happy to know that someone pointed it out and made a list. I think it might be helpful for some people. Relationships are not always easy (though in a good one, the good should outweigh the bad) and love is only an emotion first, after that it's a choice you make. Emotions ebb and flow, you don't always feel love, but when you have felt it and you commit to it then you make the choice. I wonder, does the person who wrote this have one for men, as I'm sure some men have some ideas that aren't realistic, as well. I'd be interested to know that.
  27. Expectations in marriage

    Original article : https://peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/expectations-part-3/ Earlier this week, we looked at some common expectations that women often carry into marriage and how they can create resentment in us (here are Part 1 and Part 2). We also looked at reality vs. these expectations. that if I am married, my husband will spend all his free time after work doting on me that I am always right and leave no room for my husband’s perspective at all I should always get MY way if I am married, I will always feel loved by my husband if I am unhappy, my husband is to blame and he must change I am not a big time sinner – I won’t cause my husband any pain/wounds/grief/distress I am better than my husband (spiritually/mentally/morally/emotionally) This is not remotely an exhaustive list! REALITY VS. THE ABOVE EXPECTATIONS Husbands have a lot of things they want and need to do. Not all of it will always involve us. That does not mean they don’t love us! It just means sometimes they need time with their guy friends. Sometimes they need time to chill out. Sometimes they need time to cut the grass. Sometimes they need time to work on their hobbies and passions. Sometimes they need time with just the children without us. It is easy for wives to interpret, “If my husband doesn’t do things with me every possible minute that he is home from work, he doesn’t love me or want me.” This is usually NOT at all true! Allow your man the time he needs to recharge and do things he enjoys – even without you sometimes. That will give him a much greater appreciation for you and he will enjoy the time he spends with you infinitely more than if you are clinging to him and resentful of him spending any time away. A wife who is a bottomless pit of need REPELS her husband far, far away. A wife who is understanding and supportive of her husband’s hobbies and recreation will tend to have a much more loving husband. Be open to your husband’s ideas. They will be different from your own. That does not mean he is wrong. God may well be speaking to you through your husband at times (if he is not asking you to sin or condone sin). Be willing to hear your husband and accept that your husband has a masculine brand of wisdom and a masculine perspective that is very different from yours, but that he has a lot to offer. Expecting to always get your way is one of the fastest ways to misery I know. And trust me – I have been down that road MANY MILES. It does not go anywhere good! Be gracious and selfless and allow your husband to do things the way he likes to as a gift to him. Lay down your own desires at the feet of Jesus and seek His will, His glory and His way, not your own! You will ABSOLUTELY NOT always feel loved by your husband. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, necessarily. But you will not always be able to FEEL/hear/see his love. Our feelings LIE to us at times – when we have PMS, when we are pregnant, when we are exhausted, when we are misinterpreting our husbands’ actions because we think they feel/think/act just like we do… And then, there may be times when your husband truly doesn’t love you. That is entirely possible. He is human, and not perfect. You will hurt him. He will mess up. But that doesn’t mean there is no hope. When your heart is set fully on Jesus, you can ride out those times because you have your identity completely in Christ, and you have your security in Jesus, not a man. You keep obeying God for your part, don’t react in sin, stay close to Jesus. And see what God will do. I am responsible for my own happiness. My husband is not responsible for my emotional and spiritual well-being. He wants to see me happy. He will probably try to do things that make me feel happy. But every time I am unhappy it is not his job to make me be happy. I am an adult. I am responsible for my emotions and my spiritual condition. I look to Christ to find my fulfillment and joy and strength. My husband will add extra things to my life that do make me happy – but my primary source for my wellbeing is Jesus. We are all big time sinners. All of us tend to commit idolatry, be prideful, selfish… the list goes on and on. I WILL sin against my husband. I will hurt him. Probably many times. I have to be able to accept that I am human and understand that I need the blood of Jesus to cover my sin. I need grace to give to myself. And I will need grace from my husband. We are all on level ground at the foot of the cross. We are all equally wretched sinners. None of us are good. Only God is good. My husband may fall for temptations that don’t tempt me. But I have other sin-tendencies that are just as heinous to God’s holiness. My husband is my fellow-traveler on this road of faith in Christ. We are equal in sinfulness and equal in the amount of the grace of Jesus that we desperately need.
  28. Account.

    delete my account please
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