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  1. Past Hour
  2. Well, I'm nowhere near stereotypical. I do think I'd want SOME sort of romantic gestures. I don't want anything typical, anyway, but something that means something to him and I, on a personal level. I don't like roses, they're to common. I don't like the idea of Valentines day, either. I want him to surprise me with little things. The key to THAT, though, is in order to be romantic they don't happen all of the time, rather than sporadically, and without notice. I, also, think the best ones happen when they can see you need it...bad day, etc. I feel that each individual has talents, and original thoughts. The key is to use those, and actually consider your partner. Just as I wouldn't expect him to be the only one to do those things. I guess, to answer the question...I'm not sure I could. I mean, I don't want, or need, much from someone aside from the normal day to day affections, support, and such...but, I also want some spontaneity, which I guess I see as part of the romance. I think this is either a lot more complicated than it sounds, or I'm making it more complicated.
  3. America looks like such an amazing place to live. My plan is to move there and become a citizen before 2020, hopefully (Y)

  4. Sure, most likely. Though I would still likely want some smaller gestures. But the bigger, more elaborate, and overly romantic ones can make me cringe. So I would be fine if he never did any of those. And I'd rather receive no stereotypical romantic gestures than to have forced and unnatural ones.
  5. Today
  6. I was reading an article about a woman who married a man who wasn't romantic. To her, that meant he didn't do common displays of romance such as surprising her with flowers, writing cute notes to each other or make the extra effort in planning a elaborate surprise for her birthday or Valentine's Day. You know, typical hallmark stuff that guys are expected to do She went on to way how she was quite resentful at first. She said expressed that desire to him and he did make an effort to do those things, but it just didn't feel natural to him. He just didn't see the fuss in all that stuff. Eventually though, she realized that she was mistaking the TV-styled romance as proof of love rather than see all the actual things he did do. While he didn't do the stereotypical displays of romance, he makes her feel heard, a good father to their children, runs a hot bath for her each night, encourages her in her dreams, comforts her when she is sad, cooks her favorite breakfast often, the list goes on and on. She decided to appreciate him for the stuff he did that truly mattered rather than for things society measured love by. Of course what is considered "romantic" might be different depending from person to person. Based on your own definition, could you marry someone who didn't do or appreciate the things you considered romantic?
  7. Hi Naturally 1. Does being called a virgin make you feel bad about yourself? Has it ever? Not at all, I am grateful that I made this choice during me teen years and haven't looked back. There were instances where I could have been in relationships with women who just wanted physical intimacy , but chose not to as I knew that I would not be able to regain my innocence once I've gone down that road. 2. Have you ever been teased for it? What happened? How'd it make you feel? Not really, not many people know that im a virgin. Lots of people assume that im not, and I don't want to tell them this about me as it would bring up unnecessary discussions about my upbringing and conservative background. 3. Do you even care what people think? why/why not? it depends on the people in question, if its my family and close friends , Yes as they want whats best for me . If its just acquaintances then no, as I would not bother justifying my life choices to them 4. Did you ever feel it was a pejorative term during your teenage years? Do you feel the same way about the term now? well if you look and listen to mainstream media , its considered normal to move from one intimate relationship to another, and promiscuity is almost sold to us. I always tell myself , don't be fooled by what you think you see. I believe that I will find my soulmate in this lifetime and im sticking to that belief , and will offer myself to her only. Thank you for the forum topic
  8. I'm not doing so great right now. I mean, I know I'll be ok, but...right now? I'm feeling very heavy hearted. My counselor said this could happen. That I'd go through spells where I'm not quite over it, but it's normal.

    1. Daz


      I think I know what you mean by heavy-hearted... Like when you get stuck with a feeling or thought and even when you try and carry on life like normal, it just won't shake from your heart.

    2. PhotoGirl


      Yes. I think it started with the weather, because it's kind of dreary today, and I've also had a few thoughts of him. Everything is just too much. I'm trying to do stuff, but my heart just isn't in ANYTHING that I want to do.

  9. I think you might have misunderstood my comment, in a way. They didn't make fun of me for being a virgin, per se. They merely tried to talk me out of my stance, and/or would, as I said, talk about what my first time would be like, such as "Oh, he's gonna blow all over the room, put a hole in her head," etc. All that nasty stuff, lol. Nowadays I don't go around telling everyone. One of my good friends does that on occasion when we get really drunk and we are around new people, because he loves me and wants to try and hype me up to people, convince them how much of a good person he thinks I am. I am a little insulted that you would think I'm throwing my life away by drinking... though I understand why you say that, I think. I did leave that job, and no longer go through that, though yes, I still drink. But no, no one will convince me to give up. My mind is pretty much set. The depths of my psychopathy can be seen here.
  10. Deciding whether to move or not to move? How did that end up in them not having sex for weeks? I'm lost? How do you go from debating about moving or not to not even having sex, even when they aren't debating this issue and one person is trying to initiate with the other? Sounds like they need counseling on learning how to argue (with rules) without insulting and belittling each other while doing so.
  11. What unscrupulous people! Exactly right!
  12. I've never witnessed an example of women shaming a married woman for their sexual prowess with their husbands. Interestingly, it's not much talked about. I have many friends who are having sex with their boyfriends outside of marriage or engaging in casual sex and these girls talk frequently about sex, but my married friends don't talk about it at all. I'm not sure if it's because they want to keep it private out of respect to their husband (although never stopped them before when their husband was their bf) or perhaps their sex life is now lack-luster and they feel it's not worth talking about. I'm surprised at how much trouble I'm having at pinning down what the feminine values are for western women. In Brazil, there's certainly an expectation that women need to do what it takes to keep their husband happy in order to keep him around - this includes both sexual and non-sexual things. Although if her husband were to leave her she would be judged for her shortcomings at performing the non-sexual things while any sexual shortcomings wouldn't be spoken of (or known). I could be completely wrong in my assessment as it is completely anecdotal and subjective to my experiences but unless I'm missing something I can't think of one way that sex with a husband (or in any other form) contributes to the feminine identity (unless negatively). I think this is quite revealing. I feel like I'm now understanding the motive of a wife in the following scenario where a husband and wife are in a deadbedroom where the husband feels the relationship is falling apart because his wife isn't having sex with him and all the while despite his wife knowing of the problems is posting on facebook about what a great marriage they have and how happy they are. You can deduce from this that sexually pleasing your husband is not socially valuable to a woman's identity but the perception of a successful relationship is. On a cynical day I might even argue that some married women satisfy their husbands sexual needs in order to maintain the image of a successful marriage; suggesting that being perceived as a good wife is a feminine value but whatever you have to do to communicate that perception, isn't. To whom would female promiscuity pose a threat? - married women? Similarly, would male promiscuity pose a threat to married men? Can you expand on these thoughts, please, appears to be interesting.
  13. Random Thoughts

    @'tis the Bearded One
  14. MUSIC!

  15. Virgin Therapists: What would you do?

    Yes. But this was chosen by Jane without input or discussion with Adam. So it's okay not to give as long as I somehow make myself busy enough? She's not in forced labour, right?....Granted, she's made a commitment that one would want to keep but she has not even given Adam an indication that she will try her hardest to avoid such circumstances in the future. One of the big problems is the issue that Jane doesn't seem to have a problem with her behaviour over the last 2 months... There is no mention in the scenario that they both entered the marriage with an understanding that her/their careers will be prioritised. Even so, it is one thing to prioritise a job [in which case one would still expect Jane to be understanding of Adam's position and address this to a degree] and effectively discarding marital responsibilities for 2 months while reaping benefits; "prioritise career" doesn't meant "treat the marriage like dirt"... Unless it is mutually expressly and explicitly rejected, do you think that people should be generally able to assume that a marriage should be prioritised over careers? Might be a little presumptuous. Also, if she was not expected to give in the 2 months, how come she has some kind of debt/imbalance to work off? "Adam supported while being neglected for 2 months; now it's Jane's turn to make up for it". On a different note, one sleeping bag! Bad enough sleeping alone in a sleeping bag lol. That's quite the gamble.
  16. Random Thoughts

  17. Random Thoughts

    Feeling sad all day and don't know why. I need a hug. Where are those people wearing "Free Hugs" t-shirts when you need them.
  18. Random Thoughts

    The Oscars are hilarious this year.
  19. I won't settle, but over the years my 'requirements' have chased, to be honest. I mean, I've never considered a fellow virgin a MUST. Sure, it would be nice, but I consider that a bonus. As for will I change my mind on waiting? I have to admit, I have considered it, but I always come back to waiting. It's much to important to me. Not for religious reasons, but emotional and pragmatic reasons. So, if I never marry? I'll stay a virgin.
  20. What is your dream ?

    I've seen this before. He's incredibly right. My dream? Well, right now I'm helping raise my nephews, obligations, you know? My dream, however...oh, I'm planning and saving, now. I want to live out my old age by traveling abroad. As lightly, and as cheaply, as possible. I'll stay with friends, or at hostels. I'll travel around as though I'm very young. I'll have my camera and a travel blog. Sharing what it's like to travel like a youngster when you're old. Backpacking through Europe, or anywhere else, with my camera. Most likely alone, but I guess you never know...of course, he'd have to have quite the vagabond spirit to want to do this with me. So, I'm counting on doing it alone...and, if I happen to find that spirit...well, we will go from there.
  21. I would love to live in England or Ireland. Not only would I love the scenery, but the ease of travel to so many other places would be awesome.
  22. Yesterday
  23. Virgin Therapists: What would you do?

    Yes, you sure are correct, that is my bad. I think I had one too many thoughts going on in my head at once. In the personal experience section, I was discussing the topic of not being in the mood, while in normal day to day, life challenges. And when I would disagree with Jane if she was working normal hours and then said she's not in the mood. However, Jane is having roughly 18 hr days, and this falls under the second to last criteria I mentioned, time constraints. I might need to go back at some point and re-read the scenario but from what I remember, I still think this is all on Adam. He never should have asked Jane to marry him if he can’t handle a women who might have to temporarily, for short times, place her career over their marriage. By accepting this risk, he is respecting Jane’s career and the things that are important to her. It seems that now he is unhappy with the reality of the risks. Jane is not in a position to give. So she is most definitely not held to the same standard and yes gets off scott free. By marrying her, Adam accepted there will be times in their marriage when he must step it up and do all the giving and there will be times when Jane must step it up and do all the giving. If he can’t accept this type of give and take relationship, then he should have married a women who can or will always put her marriage first. After Jane recovers from her ordeal, Adam can pack the car with camping gear…ONE sleeping bag and surprise Jane with an intimate, romantic camping trip…Then they can make sweet love in their sleeping bag (or in the tent), next to a fire…And since Jane is recovered, she gets to pleasure him for first, since he supported her. Anyway, I very well might be missing something or looking at this all wrong but this is why I think this one is all on him. She was also talking about another similar thread...a different one I had not read.
  24. Your pleasure = Spouse's responsibility?

    @'tis the Bearded One Thanks for the article. If you go to bible studies, though (like the ex girlfriend, for example), doesn´t it mean that you are looking into the subject and the Bible? How can you go to bible studies and not live a bible-based life (or at least make an effort to do so)? Isn´t that a contradiction? I think, if someone goes to bible studies (voluntary and not forced by someone else), they are actually interested in the Bible, aren´t they? The article talks about how Christians aren´t that interested anymore in church service, and serious prayer and the Bible. But the girlfriend seemed like the exact opposite. Very involved, even doing mission trips! I also know some people who are very involved in church, some even taking leaderships in church. Yet, they would never wait and think it is not desirable. I have trouble understanding that, honestly. Some say, that it is purely Interpretation and that nowhere in the Bible it is clearly stated that you should wait until marriage to have sex. So they don´t. This whole topic reminds me of this video. It is meant to be comedy and not serious, but I think, it has a lot of truth in it, especially for the younger generation.
  25. Relationship

    I was recently in a relationship for two and a half years. I've never been in one that long but the guy I was with basically didn't want to get married and so I've decided to not get into another relationship. I've decided that being celibate is the only way for me to go until GOD sends me that special one and we're on the same page, become friends wanting the same thing
  26. Favorite YouTube channels?

    I don't know, my channel is pretty cool (not really). Some of my favorite channels are just video game playthroughs, review, and top whatever list channels. Nothing any cool people would care about.
  27. Good point... You learn that people that have power over us, whether it be power that we give them (people whose opinions we care about), or power that we subliminally (foolishly) consent to (government, people we trust to make decisions for us), can and frequently will take advantage of us. She lied about police involvement. You become suspicious about people like her who want power, because she lied about everything. You knew back then (7th grade or so) that even as the girls were making fun of you, full-fledged adult women would also be looking to cause problems for you. Then you hear for years about low sex marriages ("The wedding ring turns them into nuns", "You don't find out until you're married how often they have 'headaches'", etc., etc.) Then you go off into the real world to find that all of the 18-25 year old (unmarried) women that you know are having a lot of sex... But you can't comprehend why the unmarried women would do that while the married women won't... You reach the conclusion that they are doing it only to string their boyfriends along, hoping to get married, so that the biased divorce courts give them a full-fledged nuclear weapon to ruin your life it either of you tries to leave... Eventually, you realize that women do have some semblance of a sex drive, and try to reconcile that with the sexless marriages... Eventually, you become convinced that they are attracted to the guys they have sex with, but refuse sex to the husbands because they aren't (and might never have been) attracted to him. You have to trust your judgement if you want to find a good wife. That's an awfully big burden to place on your judgement, that has far-reaching consequences, and can do massive financial, emotional, and family damage, especially if there will be kids involved. Also keep in mind that, depending on which source you believe, women file for divorce in 60-90% of cases. That suggests to me that the relationship might never have meant anything to them.
  28. Sexual Prowess: Personal and Social Status

    Certainly, that double standard exists in society though I see that in regard to premarital/extra-marital sex. Maybe the "unfettered" female sexuality outside of the "chains of monogamy" poses some kind of threat [it does as much as the male's but that is another issue]. Do you see this as applying to strictly monogamous women enjoying a rich sex life with their husband? Would a circle of married women shame each other [or single women to married women] for asserting they love/greatly desire to have sex with their husbands, and only their husbands? Would you say a certain feminine value exists of "taking care of" your husband in non-sexual ways such as cooking? If so, why wouldn't this extend to his sexual needs?
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