All Activity

This stream auto-updates   

  1. Last week
  2. What do you guys think about this quote, as it relates to finding your soulmate, getting married, etc? It will obviously be an incredible feeling either way, but do you think it will feel EVEN BETTER if you’ve gone through a lot of pain and heartache in the past? For me personally, this has been the case, and it’s been rough. But what helps keep me going sometimes is just thinking about how great it will be and how much I will appreciate it, when it finally does work out for me one day. How about you guys? Have you been through a lot of pain in this regard? What helped you to keep going and (for those that this applies to) how great was it when you finally found love?
  3. Earlier
  4. I completely agree with this. I absolutely agree that men having premarital sex is just as bad as women having premarital sex. There should be no double standard at all, and I have no idea why there is. It certainly doesn’t work that way for me. Personally, a big part of my reason to wait is out of respect for my future wife. I want to save those sacred acts for her and I want them to mean something and be something truly special that has happened between us and only us. I couldn’t forgive myself if I hurt her and gave it away to someone else. I know how badly that would hurt me, which is why I have a very difficult time even considering dating non-virgins. I know this makes finding someone much more difficult, but I just don’t think I could get past something like that and I firmly believe that the girl for me is also waiting. No matter what society tries to tell you, sex is a very big deal and having it outside of marriage or with someone you don’t love is an incredibly selfish act. Regardless, I am always here to talk if you need it, and I will pray for you in hopes that everything works out and you are able to find peace. It seems you are realizing my worst fear when it comes to dating/marriage and my heart breaks for you. If you haven’t already, please seek counseling. You can get through this.
  5. It sounds like you almost GAVE away a part your virginity….not lost it. Now I’m NOT one of those guys who cares about a women’s virginity. Sure it’s a bonus if she has it but nothing more. I care about the women, her current values, who she is today, not some abstract concept like virginity. Anyway, I don’t know if you can accurately call yourself a stone cold virgin. (Not that this matters but hand jobs were one of my favorite sexual acts to receive from my ex gf.) They are a very real sexual act performed by another person. If I paid an undercover cop for a hand job…guess what? I’m going to jail. Why? Because I’m paying for sex. If I got caught paying a prostitute for a hand job, guess what? I'm getting booked because I was paying to a sexual service. In a nutshell, I would think a stone cold virgin is someone who has not touched another person’s genitals, with the intent of causing sexual stimulation or consensually allowing another person to touch their genitals for the purpose of sexual stimulation. So I really struggled to follow your story and to make sense of this whole thing...Well here is my best guess at trying to figure this all out... You knew exactly what was going on from the beginning and YOU chose to let this happen. 1) This has nothing to do with being naive or having a lot of experience with men. It is about exercising sound and logical judgment that will reflect your values. For example, if a woman wants a certain man to pursue her, I believe it is crucial (for a long list of reasons) for her to flirt with that man. However, since you don’t believe in premarital sex, you never should have been flirting that guy. You should only flirt with men you want to marry. Why? Because if you’re flirting with men who have premarital sex, they are going to think you want sex. But being an adult, you already know this…if you were in 7th grade, then that would be understandable if you did not. 2) DOES HIM BUYING A PLANE TICKET TO COME SEE YOU TRUMP THE FACT HE COULD HAVE A WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND? - Why would you take the chance of hurting her like that? It’s extremely selfish to take that risk. - Would you want your hypothetical husband flying out of state to spend alone time with a younger woman he met online? If not, then why is it ok for you to do this? - Would you be ok with a younger woman getting into bed with your hypothetical husband, dry hump with him and then having her pull out his penis to give him a hand job? If not, then why did you do that? Did you tell him you are just hanging out as friends? Do you dry hump and jerk off your other male friends?....If so, I bet you must have a ton of guy friends.....or guys dying to be your friend. 3) If your intuition is “NEVER” wrong, then why did you ignore it? You knew he wanted sex from you and your core values were not matching. So why did you allow all this to happen? Here is my guess from reading your story… A. Like many women you fear/dislike being alone and/or growing old alone. You were approaching a big milestone in your life…turning 30…Most of our values are abstract concepts we can work on if we want to improve them. i.e our financial value, emotional value, spiritual value et cetera. However, there are elements to our sexual value that decline with age/time. The older women get, their bodies and fertility decrease in desirability. This can cause many single women to freak out. The less sexually desirable they are, the harder it will be to find a suitable partner/having a family. So a man showing you intense sexual interest could have been very flattering and reassuring that you’re still sexually desirable. B. It looks like you are lonely, desperate and pining for male attention…. If he has 1K female friends on FB, then he too could be equally desperate for female attention….No wonder you two attracted each other. C. Usually both men and women to have two main sexual drives. 1) A strong yearning to make love and emotionally bond to a potential sole mate. 2) A strong desire to engage in the physical pleasures of sex. Here is how I think this applies to you…Like many celibate people, you don’t have a way to truly satisfy these mental and physical sexual urges. The longer these sexual urges go unsatisfied, they can continue to intensify. With the constant, unrelenting, biological drive for sex distracting you, I believe you became susceptible to horrendously poor decision making, which explains your entire story. As a result, you flirted with satisfying both your mental and physical needs. Im confused… Statements 2,3 and 4 seem to contradict your first statement about him being diligent in pursuing and getting to know you. You know damn well when a guy hardly knows a girl and is this pushy in his pursuit, he primarily wants sex….Considering he already had over a thousand female friends on FB, you have no logical reason to assume he wants 1001. If you’re a school teacher, you have to be pretty smart to pass all the rigorous testing they put you through. You also have to possess basic social/interpersonal skills to successfully deal with the truck loads of crazy ass parents, who think their children are perfect….So I’m not buying any of what you’re saying. Why would you want to be friends with a guy you believed to be sketchy? What made you think it was a good idea to meet a man on the internet that you felt like you didn’t even know him? Shouldn’t you have gotten to know him much better before meeting him? The fact you admit his actions are sketchy means you probably realize his motive for impulsively buying tickets is most likely driven by sex…. I don’t see how it makes logical sense for you to continue to let this progress, given your values on sex (to be fare…I dont know if he’s sketchy, he could just have a different set of values.) Why would you want to be friends with a man who you are concerned might pressure you for sex because he was spending money on you? How is this exercising sound and logical decisions that accurately reflect what you stand for? I am not buying any of this story… Did you tell him you wanted to hang out as friends because you were worried he might pressure you into having sex...and why you thought this might happen? Why did you still continue to meet up with this guy after he was asking you these kinds of questions?...and considering you felt like you did not even know him? Furthermore, his values seem to be in stark contrast to what you say you believe in. This is all on you. He made his intentions crystal effing clear. You knew for sure at this point he is sexually interested in you. He’s not looking to have a slumber party filled with pillow fights, watching the Note Book and eating Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy ice cream. Again you’re a 30 year old adult….12 year old girls knows this stuff. Did you communicate this internal monologue to him after the beach? You have to tell a man this immediately so you are not leading him on…otherwise, you are using him for some kind of personal benefit. Wow……are you serious? How is this not extremely selfish, desperate and immature of you? It appears you are totally fine stringing this guy along, wasting his time and money all because he is showing you attention. The saddest part of this is the fact you’re not even into him…. Honestly, this looks really pathetic on your part. You’re also sending this random guy extremely mixed messages and have no doubt confused the hell out of him. What?????!!! What about that inner monologue you had? That was a crystal clear answer! Wasting his time/money is being rude. Not telling him the truth about what you were thinking is even worse…stringing a man along who does not measure up to the other men you’re comparing him to is one of the worst things you can do to a man. It’s extremely cruel and nasty. Why in the hell would you continue to lead him on and ask these questions? You’re showing him you’re directly interested/curious, when you knew you had no intentions of having a relationship with him. You’re sending really mixed messages and looking totally desperate, lonely and extremely needy. I don’t see how you can ever have a successful relationship with a man, if you’re behaving this way…and not communicating your true thoughts. Why is this a turn off when he has a successful career in his own city? Is your expectation that he drops everything for you? Practically everything in your story seems to revolve around your satisfaction and what you want. Why can’t you move to the city he lives in? What?!?!?! Are you serious????? Either I have miss read so much of your message or you’re making NO logical sense…at all…what so ever. Given everything I have already pointed out, what is there for you to think about? How are you exercising logical/sound judgment that reflect your values, by considering this guy? Honestly, so fare the only alarming thing in this story is you. You’re a teacher who apparently lacks fundamental skills in logical decision making (which I hope is due to your sex drive clouding your mind and not a direct reflection of your overall cognitive abilities), you are leading on a “sketchy” guy you met on the internet because he gives you attention, you seem to not communicate what you are thinking and you say you want one thing but act as if you want the opposite. What the F&!@ did I just read? 1. You’re a 30 year old teacher who just dry humped and jerked off a man you’re not even interested in…but then say you don’t want sex?????......just let that sink in for a bit…..smh….wow. You could not send more mixed and contradictory messages if you tried. Also, you admitted to feeling like you did not even know this man…then why would you get in his bed and fool around with him? You seem like a real danger to society…like the type of women who will consensually fool around with a man and then when she regrets it, make false or misleading accusations …which can very easily destroy the rest of a man’s life. PLEASE DO MEN A FAVOR AND DON’T DATE THEM UNTIL YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. 2. Even worse, you’re still not sure if he has a wife!? And yet you did all this?!?! 3. How the eff did you end up in his bed and in a position for dry humping? Did he just magically snap his fingers and presto you’re in his bed, lying next to him? No, here is what I think happened. You’re horny and yearn to emotionally and physically bond with a man. You were getting emotionally satisfied to some degree with the attention he was giving you…i.e him flying into town to visit you, his obvious sexual advances/suggestions….but that was not enough… You still have your physical needs that were being neglected. So you chose to go back to him knowing full well what you were getting yourself into. You made the decision to get in his bed. But physical acts are not abstract and seem more real. You regretted your decision to dry hump each other and then jerking him off. Since he was not your boyfriend or husband, you probably felt guilty for getting sexual pleasure from the dry humping. So now you’re trying to villainize him, hoping people will see you as the victim. I also think you were sexually satisfied in an emotional capacity, while you were giving him a hand job. When a person can sexually satisfy someone, it makes them feel good because it can be a huge ego boost…So when you had his penis in your hand and you saw his face and body language communicating he was loving it….I bet that boosted your ego and was satisfying for you. This is just pathetic if it is actually true. 4. How can you say…. Yet you can dry hump, jerk off a random guy you barely know and then not talk to him? 5. If for some reason you did not receive any sexual pleasure, I hope you realize how similar your actions are to prostitution. You met up with a random man online, whom you hardly knew, you were not even into him, worst of all he could have been married and then you finished the night by engaging him with non-penetrative sex….but instead of getting cash, you got attention....I feel sorry for you. 6. His deception????…he communicated to you what he wanted…You did not communicate your thoughts about not wanting to date him because he does not measure up to other men you’re interested in, he lives too far away, you were not enamored by his personality and et cetera. You had sexual contact with him yet said you did not want sex….You’re the one who appears to be playing the mind games here. You were the one testing your own waters. You knew exactly what he wanted and yet you were the one who made the decisions to let it get as far as it did and to keep going back to him. What?!?!?! Do you really think you’re a victim in this? He never meant anything to you either…. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Looks like it worked rather well on you. You could not have said it any better. You have to be desperate for male attention when you do the following things with a man you’re not even into: A) You continue to spend time with him, even though he might have a wife/gf B ) According to you displays sketchy behavior and you still continue to give him your time C) You continue to meet up with him despite thinking he could try to pressure you into sex because he is spending money on you D) Despite have vastly different core values, you crawl into his bed, dry hump and jerk him off anyways. Yeah id definitely say it worked on you…but I also believe you wanted it to work. I think you needed some sort of a release for you sexual frustration and when you pick a guy you can easily villainize, it makes it all that much easier to end it. You can also justify it to everyone else. So you think God’s plan was having you dry hump and jerk off a guy you don’t like, want a relationship with and worst of all, could have been another women’s husband? You’re kidding right? It looks like you’re trying to rationalize your horrendously poor decision making skills, selfishness, lustful desires, sexual frustration and a complete laps in logical reasoning. I totally disagree…could it have been His plan? Possibly but I doubt it. Like I said earlier, I think this all boils down to you being really horny, not having an outlet and then making a long list of terrible decisions that do not reflect your values. Nothing more. Judging is simply forming an opinion, thoughts and/or conclusions based on facts and information…so naturally when you post information, everyone reading will be judging you. OMG this is complete nonsense and I don’t think you’re being honest….These are not statements from a woman who feels special: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ You do realize you’re describing yourself….right? You’re the predator because you hid your true thoughts, ideas and intentions from him. You purposely did this because if you were honest with him, you would not get what you wanted, which is a "successful well-paid man" giving you lots of attention, kissing, dry humping and then giving a hand job when things started getting to far for you. He meant nothing to you and you had no intention of having a relationship with him. Looks like you chose to do it with someone that would be very easy and convenient to end things once you got what you wanted. He's out of state and you can easily make him look like a bad guy to your friends, family and pastor. Makes perfect sense....Now you can be the victim to everyone you share this experience with and continue to get more attention. He is not a predator because he communicated his honest intentions clear as day.
  6. Hey guys, I'm back after close to a year away. I guess the point of this thread is to just update you guys and look for some support. I'm having a really tough time again right now emotionally. For those who don't know, I struggle with depression and anxiety and it seems to be almost entirely linked to "relationships". Up until I first discovered what love kind of was for myself, I never had any issues at all with depression or anxiety. I was a motivated, successful, happy go lucky guy and had very little interest in relationships or anything. That all changed about the time I turned 18 though. Rambling story for context: I'm 25 years old now and I've never had any kind of successful romantic relationship with anyone. I had a couple naive ones when I was 18 and 19 and just figuring out kind of what love is, but they honestly weren't anything to speak of. Technically, they were my "girlfriends" but it was pretty dumb. I saw the first girl in person like once during the 2 weeks we went out and I never kissed her or anything. The second girl lasted a little longer and I saw her a little more (in secret because her parents did not allow her to date). She was my first kiss and that was an amazing feeling at the time, but I honestly never should have went out with her. That only came about because she helped me recover from the first girl. During the time between the first girl and second girl, I went through a really dark period. The pain was really strong and it lasted for probably about 6 months. Functioning day-to-day was a really difficult thing for me. Anyway, ever since then, any time I begin to crush on a girl or have feelings towards them (reciprocated or not), I begin to get really anxious. And if things don't go well and she doesn't reciprocate, I become very depressed. It's become a pattern that just keeps repeating itself. Most of the time, if feelings are removed from the situation (i.e. after I recover from the heartbreak), I question myself as to how I could be so dumb and to let myself fall into the same trap. More often than not, I crush on someone that I have an extremely small likelihood of ever having any sort of chance of being involved with in the first place. Too often I fall for girls that live way too far away. When I was 22, I even crushed on a girl that wasn't quite 18 yet. Heck, I've even crushed on a lesbian before, though I began liking her before I knew about this. Not all of these crushes have led me to becoming severely depressed, but more often than not I fall into bad anxiety and depression that lasts for at least a couple weeks and as long as a few months. It's so frustrating that I can never learn. I just want to have a chance with the girls I crush on so badly because at the time they feel so right for me and so perfect in my mind. In between these crushes, I almost "swear off" feelings or relationships or anything because I don't want to feel the horrible pain inside ever again. But sure enough, my heart lets it happen again despite my mind knowing that it's probably a bad idea. I end up praying very hard that this is the girl for me, but it never works out no matter what I do. I just don't understand how it can be so easy for some people. Maybe my standards are too high or I'm too shy. Maybe I'm just really unlucky. Or maybe it's just me. I don't know. Well anyway, as you've guessed, here we are again. I've got a huge crush on a girl I met online, who lives across the entire country. After only a few weeks of really talking, I'm already really into her. We've talked for many hours on video chat and I care about her a lot. She has her flaws and own mental health issues, I can see that. But I am willing to do anything to help her because she is a very good and very special person who had some tough breaks in life. I told myself not to get emotionally invested, but I just can't help it. I know she cares about me, but I don't know how much honestly or if it’s in the same kind of way I care about her (probably not yet, but I feel like there is strong potential). I don't really feel like this would be the best time for her to get involved, but I am willing to wait until that time, if I ever were to get the opportunity. As I said, she lives far away, however she does have family close enough to where I live, to where a meetup could be possible. She's talked about it possibly before, but as for when, we have no idea about that. I really wish I could have taken a "wait and see" approach here. Just being friends and enjoying talking to each other with no real hope or desire for anything more until the potential meetup would be a much better approach. However, my heart has threw that out the window at this point lol. I honestly might just be completely irrational right now and she might not feel anything at all close to what I feel. However, she obviously cares about me to an extent and we have a lot of fun talking to each other for many hours. I should also mention, given what site this is, that she is also a virgin like me. Waiting until marriage is really important to me, and I believe it is to her as well. While she isn't a Christian like me, her religion also stresses the importance of waiting until marriage. While we haven't ever spoken about it, she's made quite a few comments indicating that she is very serious about doing just that also. Anyway, I'm very sorry for the extremely long, rambly post, but I'm hurting pretty badly right now. I don't know how likely this could end up being. Based on recent history, I don't think very much. But I desire a real chance so very badly. I am really starting to think that it may never happen for me and that just kills me. I know the conventional solution is to just go after girls living near me, but I really don't enjoy the random dating game, nor am I very skilled or interested in it. I feel like the type of girls around where I live just aren't as desirable, aren't on the market, or things just never progress to a natural point where I go out with them. I don't even know what I need or what I should do. I've tried therapy before and it was helpful to an extent, but it never helped solve whatever deep, underlying issues I have. Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent. If you have any comments, questions or recommendations, please feel free to reply. I need help and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts! I value them very much! EDIT: Also, I’m not sure if/when/how I should tell her about my beliefs and virginity. I feel like she would really like that and respond well to it but I don’t usually mention that to girls I like and I don’t want it to be weird or hurt my chances. Depending on how I do it, I feel like it could be weird and out of place lol. What do you guys think?
  7. Melancholy Music

  8. I personally have some anxiety issues. To somehow deal with it, I work out a lot to angry music. Just try to transform that negative energy into something productive. Believe it or not it makes an anormous difference. Also I started taking anti-anxiety pills (supplied by Canada drugs) due to very bad panic attacks and depression. Those two methods are absolutely effective for reducing my anxiety in tough situations. Not to overpay, I order my pills online
  9. Everything but Sexual Intercourse

    Absolutely not. I would not have any kind of relationship with a guy that was into everything but sexual intercourse until marriage, nor would I have a relationship with a guy that was into any of this "everything but" stuff after marriage either. Yes, a guy should come out and say that he does not believe in premarital sexual intercourse. When the topic of sex comes up, it's not hard to say "I don't believe in premarital sexual intercourse, but I'm okay with doing everything but" or "I don't believe in any kind of sexual activity before marriage, ETC...
  10. Girls, Would you date and have a long term relationship with a guy that was into everything but sexual intercourse until marriage. Should a guy just come out and say to a woman that he does not believe in premarital sexual intercourse?
  11. Why do guys do this?...

    Maybe they are just trying to virtue-signal to their girl? Maybe he thinks if she notices him staring at you then she will get jealous, so he's trying to pre-emptively reassure her by publicly flaunting their relationship.
  12. You sound far more mature than me from the past. I had countless opportunities, but at the last minute, I always said "No". You did the right thing. He would have left even if you were nonvirgin. The only difference is that he would have done that after receiving what he aimed for. However, we really need to understand that waiting is beneficial to the society. It is a practical choice.
  13. Guys. Make-up or natural?

    No make up. Unless it's for a formal event
  14. I agree with the above comment. Kind of painting your wife as a trophy and really limiting your potential dating pool even further. And I remember the same topic... She seemed like a nice girl :/. If she doesn't have X in common with you who cares? That's the fun of it. Might even find you like something she likes if you step out of your comfort zone. I don't know how to say this without coming off as a jerk.. ever consider the problem is you? You seem to self pity a lot and I don't think any girl would want to deal with that (not even mentioning your trophy wife standards). It's amazing what a little self confidence could do for you. Try working out your own problems first man
  15. What qualities are you looking for?

    Well.... Number one she has to be a woman. You know I'm trying to come up with a joke for this that wouldn't offend some people and I can't seem to... Whelp 2) religous views: atheist, agnostic or wiccan 3) a love of horror and the macabre 4) someone that practices abstinence till marriage.She doesn't have to be a virgin but... 5) she cannot be a complete drama queen. 6) likes anime 7) is very very very weird. Normal is scary. I don't like normal 8) OH AND SHE WEARS BLACK CLOTHES 9) does not listen to country, rap or anything that could go on 107.7 10) Must. Like. Handholding. This is a requirement. 11) Must be willing to take the relationship slow
  16. Man it’s been a really long time since I’ve logged onto this site. Anyway, I don’t think this issue has much to do with feminism....Have you tried a professional match making service? If you’re really serious about marriage, you should consider paying for it but I think even then you will run into the same problem. From what I know about you, you have really strict standards. IMO I think most of the woman you want will have found a husband by 25…at the latest. Furthermore, she will have her pick of practically any guy she wants…which will make getting her way more difficult. If your skills are the problem, then what are you doing to improve them? If for some reason you cannot improve your skills, what are you going to do next? I do remember one very nice woman on this site who showed you express interest and even stated how she met the standards you want in a wife. If you want to get married, there are plenty of options but you will have to adjust you preferences, if you can. If you cannot, then you should focus on trying to be happy and content with your choice to remain single.
  17. Hey hey hey! I haven't been on this forum in years, but just recently I almost lost my virginity and thought I'd come back on here and share my story. For those who don't know, I'm 29 going on 30, and a stone-cold virgin. Never received or gave oral, engaged in anal, or vaginal sex. I've done some kissing and given a few hand jobs here and there, but that's it. I've never been in a serious, long term relationship (past four months), and haven't even had a boyfriend within the last four years. I've been practicing celibacy all my life as a Christian and it's served me well. I've dodged A LOT of bullets. That all changed when I met a guy on a facebook travel group earlier this year. We messaged back and forth on facebook before he asked for my number, and he started pursuing me. He was well-educated, hard-working, professional, only a few years older than me---seemed like a great catch. We had common interests and he was diligent in pursuing me and "putting in time and work" to get to know me. He said he was a Christian, god-fearing, and was a worship leader at his church. He lived in a different state, one 9 hours away from me. I didn't mind talking to him, and figured maybe we would meet one day. I teach, so I had plans to travel over the summer (like I do every summer), plans I made before meeting him, but he wanted to meet me before I left for the summer. I was leaving just a few days after the school year ended and would need to prepare for my trip, so it was literally impossible. He asked if it would be okay if we kept in touch (we both had imessage) while I was abroad. I said, sure. We kept in touch and texted every few days or so, and he ended up buying a ticket to come to my city to see me. I was kind of surprised, because we were only just getting to know each other and had never really talked on the phone or facetimed. I thought it was really odd that he seemed to be in a rush to meet me. It was really sketchy, and I thought to myself, he could even have a girlfriend and I would never know, because he could be hiding us from each other. Because again, we never talked on the phone or facetimed. (I have other online friends, and we always talk over the phone and facetime, so having a text-only relationship was odd). Being naiive and not having a lot of experience with men, I told myself him buying a ticket to come and see me trumped our text-only relationship because he was that serious about me or into me. I didn't care, I told myself, 'we're just hanging out as friends. I'm just meeting him to see if I am interested'. We were friends who flirted. I kind of saw him as a potential partner, but I didn't want to get too ahead of myself. Plus, I noticed that he had at least 1,000 facbeook friends, 90% of whom were women. I noticed that sometimes he would repeat things he'd already told me and would lose track of things we would talk about. I didn't hold it against him that I knew he was talking to other women because we weren't dating and we weren't exclusive. So, one night we played a game of 21 questions and he asked me if I believed in no sex before marriage. (We never had the conversation about celibacy. I'm so used to things getting nowhere with guys anyway that I havent even had the opportunity/need to tell a guy I am a celibate virgin within the last four years. I believe he suspected I was celibate because I post a lot about celibacy on my social media). So I told him, "Yeah, I'm not having sex unless I'm married. Maybe I should have told you before you bought your ticket? But I have no apologies. You can get sex anywhere." He seemed disappointed. I didn't hear from him for a few days (longer than usual). The next time he reached out to me, I ended up asking if he was still visiting my hometown. He pretended to be all like, "OFC! Why wouldn't I?" I told him I would help him with his expenses/meals when we went out. I didn't want him to feel like he was being cheated or played. But in the back of my head, I also didn't want to feel obligated or pressured to do anything with him just because he was spending money to come and see me. Because, let's say (hypothetically speaking) I WAS sexually active. Your spending money to come see me and date me doesn't entitle you to my body. I wanted to hang out as friends so there was no pressure. I know how guys can get about money, and I didn't want our weekend to be weird over money and sex. I just wanted to see who he was as a person. Little did I know, that his attitude towards money/sex IS a part of who he is. I shouldn't have offered to pay/split the costs. I almost feel like I should've let things unfold to see how he would have handled hanging out with me when sex was off the table. Fast forward to when I return from my trip and am back in my hometown. I asked him what he wanted to see/do while he was in my city. He asked me to buy us a bottle of Jack Daniels so we could drink on the beach together. I noticed, when I bought it from the liquor store (before his arrival), that it had a 40% alcohol content. (I only drink wine, so I was ALARMED when I noticed the alcohol content. I told myself I wouldn't drink any of it, and I stayed true to my promise to myself). Also, in the time before his arrival this guy was laying the charm on thick. He "casually" asked if I would be spending the night at his airbnb. I told him no. So we met for a weekend and I wasn't all that enamored by his personality. I can truly say that if I would have met him "in real time", off the internet, I probably wouldn't have been too interested in him. We had fun at the beach, but even when we were together, I told myself I wasn't interested in dating this guy long-distance. There's a guy in my hometown who I've had a crush on for the last year, who I kept thinking of, and I kept thinking of how the guy didn't measure up to my crush. There's guys in my city pursuing me, I told myself, why would I date a guy who is 9 hours away from me? But I liked that this guy was willing to fly and come see me. So he asked me if I wanted to date him. I couldn't give him a straight answer. I didn't want to be rude, but I felt like I didn't even know him. He was rushing things. I was only just meeting him. I asked him, logistically, how it would work. He said that we could come and see each other as often as we liked. But he had no intention on moving to my city, he said. He just wanted to date long-distance. That was a HUGE turn off. I thought to myself, what kind of relationship is that? Seeing a guy on the weekends maybe once a month? Not having anyone to actually BE there with me and for me? That seems like half a relationship....a total ripoff. It all seemed too convenient for him, and he was super casual about it. He also told me he had dated someone for 3 1/2 years long-distance in the past. This turned me off even more. 'cuz I'm like, he thinks this is normal and it's not dysfunctional. Ok, so to date long distance for a year, then to move closer together? Fine. But how can you date someone long distance FOR THREE YEARS? It just seemed ridiculous. And I was alarmed that he thought it was normal. If it is for him, that's fine, but I want a full relationship. He had no intentions on moving. I told him I needed to think about it. He sent me an emotional text about how he was sorry I didn't feel the same way about him that he felt about me. He made me feel like I was running away from an opportunity to be loved. I genuinely believed him and started to doubt myself. I thought he was interested in me. He also was angry with me because when we went out that night, I saw one of my guy friends (who is gay) and kept trying to divide my time between the two of them. My thinking was, my gay guy friend lives here in Philly. This guy, lives in another state. I'm not gonna piss off my friend for some guy I barely know. (I bring up him being gay so you guys are clear that he wasn't pissed b/c i was with another straight guy). That night, he tried to kiss me and I turned away, telling him I only kissed guys who are my boyfriend. I fled from his AIRBNB. I talked to one of my girl friends about it, and she told me I was wrong for choosing my friend over this guy who seemed to really be into me. So the next morning, I brought breakfast to his AIRBNB and was crying and apologizing for having so many walls and told him I had issues with intimacy. (Reading and writing this now, it's so easy to see through all the deception and games. He was playing a SERIOUS mindgame with me). He tried to sleep with me. We dry humped on his bed, and he tried to penetrate me, but I told him no. I gave him a hand job and got up. I told him I didn't want to have sex. He told me I didn't know what I wanted. His attitude toward me for the rest of the day was completely different. I was turned off by him as well, and my thinking became clearer. That night, we went out again, and he and my sister bumped heads. I took him to the airport and was glad to see him go. After making sure his flight landed safely, I didn't contact him all day. I ended up telling him, a day or so later, that I wasn't interested. I didn't like how he tried to bumrush me into sex and had tested the waters to see if I would give it up. Also, I had a nagging feeling that I was not the only woman he was "dating". I believe he had "jump off"s , or different women he was dating all over. When I had asked him if he had different women in different cities he was meeting, he didn't answer the question outright. Instead, he asked, "Do you think I have time for that?" Well, he never answered the question. Of course you do. You had time to meet me, right? When I told him I wasn't interested, he rudely told me that he wasn't into me either. I realized then that I truly never meant anything to him. I was just an experiment. He just wanted me to be one of his girls. (I live in Philly). I'm 99% sure this is what he does for fun, date women from all over, and none of the women know about each other. For some reason, when he saw me, he thought it would work on me, that I would be one of his catches. I believe he uses his status as an unmarried, professional, well paid man to attract lonely or desperate women from the internet. He's not interested in comitment or marriage. He just wants to have fun with women from all over, travel and date women all over. And the only way most women in their late 20s and 30s will travel-date someone is if they believe he is their boyfriend or that it's going to lead to something. It makes perfect sense. He's a mastermind for this. Thankfully, God and my pastor (who I talked to about it) helped me see his plan clearly. The moral of the story is to take your time. Don't rush into anything. He could've had an STD. He could have kids, a wife, be a serial killer, or whatever. I have more to say about this but this is long enough, so I'm going to stop here. Don't draw too many conclusions about me or judge me, instead, read my story and analyze where you fall in....are you also naive about the opposite sex? Do you jump to conclusions or move too quickly? Take your time, take your time, take your time with these guys, because espescially being virgins and celibate, I believe we are super vulnerable. Hating men or hating men who are womanizers is not an effective, long-term solution. Learning to vet members of the opposite sex, learning to hold out, is CRUCIAL. I don't feel like not dating or shunning men is really the answer. Dating wisely, smartly....with your head, and not your vagina, not with a need or desire to get laid, is important. At some point over his weekend long visit, I doubted myself. (After talking to my friend, I guess, who told me I always push men away....with reason, though. My intuition about guys has NEVER been wrong). But you should take your time. From now on, I don't even want to KISS a member of the opposite sex until I'm 100% sure how I feel about them. I ended up kissing this guy, because I was under pressure, and I felt bad for making him angry, and just him flying out of town to come see me made me feel like he thought I was special. THAT ALONE WAS THE TRAP. Him flying out to come see me didn't mean anything...it was all a part of the chase, the thrill. I ended up finding out that the airline he used sells cheap (less than $50 RT) fares to my city. One huge mistake I made is I never told this guy I was a virgin. I didn't have an opportunity because he rushed, but I should have created the opportunity. He knew I was celibate but he didn't know I was a virgin. With guys I've entertained in the past, when we talk about our sexual history, I will tell them I'm a virgin. I never had the opportunity to tell him because we never had the conversation about our sexual history. We had pretty superficial conversations. We barely talked on the phone. And when we met, we were just having a good time. I didn't want to feel like I was interviewing him or moving too fast. He was pretty casual about everything, BUT he just went straight for the jugular in terms of trying to have sex with me. (So he was carefree about everything else....except sex). I'm going to be more vocal about my stance for God and for celibacy. I'm getting older, so the older I get, the more rare it is to be a celibate virgin. I think to a degree I was probably ashamed and didn't want him to think I was weird. But usually things don't work out anyway, for NON SEX RELATED REASONS, and I don't even have the need to tell the guy. Sorry for ending so abruptly, but I just wanted to share my story and encourage you guys that the grass is not always greener on the other side. There's some predators out there. They will pretend they're into you, but all they want is a good time. Hugs, Deb
  18. Eating Healthy and Exercising!

    Hi there:) Personally, I always eat healthy, drink plenty of water, exercise regularly with cardio and weights. All this helps me stay active and look good. I often read some informative resources on healthy lifestyle/sports like ออกกำลังกาย . It's a great magazine with brilliant topics and articles – finally a magazine for professionals that gives useful info and not ‘fillers'
  19. I really don't know how I'm going to find a girlfriend.... The church groups I'm going to are more active again, so I'm going to church or going to church events 3 times again now. The problem is seems like most the people that go to the groups are either guys or already have boyfriends or a husband. Any of the othe girls left I'm just not interested in, but even then it's only a small handful of girls to choose from. I work in the IT area so there really isn't any girl to chose from over there. I've tried Online dating multiple times but the girls don't even respond to me. I'm not even sure where I should go find more girls. I'm already attempting church, bible studies, game nights sponsored by the church, but nothing is working. I'm 30 now, so I'm just wondering if I'm just going be old and alone forever. Girls are just a extremely rare thing in my life so even if I was good with girls I wouldn't have many to chose from, but my skills with girls suck so I'm not getting anywhere but it seems even if I was good with girls I wouldn't have anything to choose from anyway. I'm really starting wonder how much hard feminism is making things. You don't need a man, just get a job just focus on your career there's nothing that can go wrong waiting till your 30s and screwing 30 different guys in the mean time.
  20. Is anybody still on here. It's been awhile since i have. But seems last couple of times I haven't seen nobody else and my chat isn't working

     

    1. seabutterfly

      seabutterfly

      Most have moved to one of the two discords. Even those are becoming dead

    2. Addison

      Addison

      What are the two discords??

    3. seabutterfly
  21. Pre-Marriage Counseling

    Hey @melissa2587 it's really nice to hear a similar story to my parents. My mom is Catholic while my dad is Jewish. They raised me Catholic as is tradition to go with the mother's religion and because of her commitment to the faith he didn't really worry about us being raised right. I am so grateful to live in a multifaith family. It's so much fun to see both cultures and taught tolerance and love of those different than me at a young age. So don't worry about how your future kids might feel. I know so many people now who have mixed christian/jewish parents and they all seem to like it too. From what I hear it was difficult at the start for my parents, but it was well worth it. They found a very accepting priest to bless their marriage after about two years of just a legal marriage. You should be fine in pre-marriage counseling as I know for a fact most denominations of Christianity (especially Catholicism) have started to come around on that. If you have any more specific questions please ask!!!!
  22. I'm going to be starting pre-marriage counseling with my fiance at his church. He's Christian and I'm jewish. I don't follow most jewish holidays or anything like that since I was not brought up religious but I really do not want to convert. I do go to church with him every Wednesday because he wants me to do AND I do find it very interesting so I don't mind. He is fine with me never converting - this is the topic we have spoken about right from the beginning and if anything, he wants it to be my choice but I am terrified that we will be deemed “unfit” to be married. And even know I know we are okay with getting married... I am just scared of them. I have never been through this, and don’t know anyone close to me that has. Any advice? Side note... it scares me even more because his dad, friends of the family, etc. always tell him that we will be deemed unfit.
  23. I like playing https://4pics-1word.info/ to take my mind off things and to occupy my time. The questions can be sometimes challenging enough to keep me concentrated without getting bored, and easy enough that you don't become too frustrated and no longer want to play.
  24. Guys. Make-up or natural?

    @charlemagne first girl is highkey hot i like creative makeup too.
  25. Yep, I did a lot of research and I’m pretty sure it was some form of vaginismus. I found a lot of stories of other women who had it and got through it, so it was very comforting to hear. It really is treatable if you put the work in to learn to relax. I have a friend who is dealing with it as well and we’ve kind of been each other’s support/cheerleaders, haha.
  26. Sounds like you had vaginismus, or involuntary contractions of muscles around the...female area. From what I heard, it's more common than most people think. I personally know another girl how had the same obstacle having sex for the first 6 months of her marriage. I know women who experience this feel inadequate to say the least, but it's not your fault at all. From what I understand, it isn't a permanent condition and can be treated over time. Good to know you got through it and congrats on successfully waiting. Enjoy your hard-earned rewards
  27. Ever since I was young, I thought only married people could have babies, and that transitioned into thinking only married people had sex when I learned what it was. Eventually I obviously discovered that not to be the case, but it was still sort of engrained in my brain. Then I read the book “Diary of a Teenage Girl: Becoming Me” by Melody Carlson, and it helped me to realize that waiting is a choice that you have to make and really commit to. That is when I decided that I would officially make that promise to myself and God. My parents never pushed me one way or another in my decision. In fact, sometimes I felt like my mom was surprised I wanted to wait. It was my decision and I’m so glad I stuck with it.
  1. Load more activity